My guests, Brian Janes and Brian George recount their lives as closeted gay men. They both knew they were gay at an early age, but completely repressed that knowledge for several decades, both coming out in their early 50s. Ironically, each of them were married with two children. Their stories are somewhat similar in some ways and then very different in other ways. This definitely allows you, the listener, to see this from more than one perspective. The powerful impact of this episode is illumin...
Nov 17, 2022•1 hr 10 min
My guest, Jim Soha, talks about the various aspects of his life that carried him on his journey from "head to heart". There was his duel education in seminary and med school; his marriage to his wife and sharing 2 children with her; his divorce and coming out; his marriage to his soulmate, who died suddenly after 10 years together. I found myself really relating to Jim's "head to heart" story. If Jim's story doesn't lift you up, his infectious energy certainly will. This episode is filled with w...
Nov 15, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Season 2022Ep. 46
My guest, Andrew O'Malley, shares how free he was to completely express himself as a child. His parents never expected his to conform in any way. But then, as he got older and went to school, the pressure to conform became so strong, that he succumbed, living life as other's expected for over a decade. His journey back to his authentic self was filled with challenges that has brought his noticeable wisdom for a 28 year old. If you are tired of conforming to the expectations of others and you wou...
Nov 08, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Season 2022Ep. 45
Grey Jacks shares his evangelical upbringing and how internalized homophobia had plagued him for over 10 years after he realized he was gay. It made it nearly impossible for him to come out. Fortunately, he had the opportunity to observe an older gay man that exemplified the man that he knew he wanted to be. Once he finally came out in his mid twenties, all the internalized homophobia dissipated and he was able to embrace himself as a healthy gay man and step into his power. He recounts that his...
Nov 01, 2022•51 min•Season 2022Ep. 44
My guest, Tony Scott, came out to loving and accepting parents at age 16. But, his challenge was the church he had spent his whole life in, telling him he was an abomination. He finally came out and was really active in the LGBTQ community and all was well. Then, a once in a life time job opportunity to work on the staff of an internationally recognized evangelical mega church took him back in the closet for 10+ years, before truly embracing his authentic self as a gay man. How many men can say ...
Oct 25, 2022•54 min•Season 2022Ep. 43
My guest, Julio Alvarez grew up with a father that continually criticized him for most everything he was and everything he did. This set him up for an intense and ongoing need for external validation. Once he got away from his father, he realized that he took the critical voice with him... in the form of his inner critic. He went through a period of time where he did everything he could to numb himself to the effects of that critical voice. Through trial and error and personal growth work, Julio...
Oct 18, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Season 2022Ep. 42
My guest, Nick Gray, is an LGBTQ community ally, an author, and a cocktail party host, extraordinaire. He shares his story of moving to NYC in his mid twenties, not knowing a single soul and what he did to create an epic social network, centered around meaningful connections and community. He was so wildly successful, he decided to write a book. The book is so easy to follow that anyone can build their own connections and community by merely following his "paint by numbers" instructions. If you ...
Oct 14, 2022•53 min
My guest, Bill Brochinsky, shares inside stories of the health care system and AIDS that I have never been exposed to before. He speaks of taking a stand with the hospital where he worked, making efforts to implement more compassionate care of patients with AIDS. With every patient he cared for, he could see himself reflected back to him. He made a deal with the Universe and the Universe granted his wish. If you ever feel like you are in darkness, with no light at the end of a very long tunnel, ...
Oct 11, 2022•57 min•Season 2022Ep. 41
My guest, Fernando Velez, shares how painful being in the closet and unable to be himself was for him. He describes how hard he tried to get the love and validation, that he needed, from others... friends and partners. It never worked out that way. He experienced constant rejection until he realized that he couldn't expect acceptance or love from others, unless he was willing to give it to himself first. Fernando is obviously an old soul, who shares much wisdom. If you struggle with accepting an...
Oct 04, 2022•46 min•Season 2022Ep. 40
Paul J Williams tells a story about how he tried alcohol, pot, cocaine, and ecstasy. Each was not his thing and he walked away. But, a perfect storm presented itself the first time he used crystal meth, while engaging is sex. In that moment it calmed his shame of being gay, gay sex, being sexually abused, and his fear of being inadequate. This went on for years until the final play of the perfect storm was an attempted suicide. Clean and sober since 2015, Paul's story of what his life is like no...
Sep 27, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Season 2022Ep. 39
Alex Benedict's most challenging event in life was his family falling apart as a result of his mother's suicide. He had a brother and sister that he was estranged from for over 20 years. His sister's tragic death to lung cancer brought he and his brother back together, with a very unexpected outcome. If pride is hijacking your happiness by preventing you from forgiving, this episode is for you. Alex's Profile Be a Guest Follow on Facebook Maddox's Links Mailing List Signup Rate & Review...
Sep 20, 2022•49 min•Season 2022Ep. 38
David Beers returns for his second guest appearance. This time, with an epilogue story of a major life transformation that he experienced, since we recorded the first episode. After a lifetime of struggling to be his most authentic self, David, spontaneously, stepped into his power and spoke his truth on the stage at a United Methodist Conference. He speaks of how this experience has already manifested obvious changes and opportunities in his life. If you could use a little inspiration right now...
Sep 13, 2022•41 min•Season 2022Ep. 37
My guest, Taylor Brorby, got outed to his parents, in his mid 20s, by an aunt. It came very unexpected and caught Taylor completely off guard. His parents were not amused. Taylor went through about 3 years of torment until he finally severed contact with his parents, admitting that they had become abusive. His journey is that of triumph in the wake of a very painful experience. Taylor's story is very inspiring, filled with strength, courage, and eventually thriving. Although we didn't talk about...
Sep 06, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Season 2022Ep. 36
My guest, Jon Carl Lewis, was raised in an evangelical religion and received early messages that being gay was definitely not OK. For 10 years, starting at puberty, Jon Carl did everything he could do to "pray the gay away". When that failed, in his early 20's, he entered into conversation therapy. His personal recounting of this experience blew my mind. At age 56, his journey with reconciling his love for Jesus and undeniably being gay has been a very long and slow process. His breakthrough cam...
Aug 30, 2022•1 hr•Season 2022Ep. 35
Kyle Elliott had a variety of social masks that he wore in his professional life. He had his career and his coaching side hustle and he had been under the impression that his personal life was not relevant to his professional life. But, when he stepped through his fears, doubts, and anxieties and began to remove the social masks and allow his followers and clients to see him for who he really is, he was surprised at the outcome. Whether you are employed or are an entrepreneur, this story will li...
Aug 23, 2022•51 min•Season 2022Ep. 34
Please note that this conversation includes explicit talk about various aspects of sexual behavior. I experienced this conversation about SEX as extraordinary! My guests, Mike Iamele, Jon Carl Lewis, and Tony Scott each shared such wonderful and diverse perspectives. This was truly a collaborative exploration. If you are weary of "locker room talk", but find genuine and open conversations around sex to be very challenging, I invite you to listen. A few areas we unpacked... the universal shame ar...
Aug 16, 2022•1 hr 8 min
Don McCarthy remembers a time when he struggled with his own authenticity. He put everyone before himself and couldn't feel or express his own feelings. After working for many years to put self-care in place, he thought that issue was behind him. Then, his elderly mother had a fall and caregiving provided him with an even deeper and more challenging opportunity to grasp and learn self-care. One of the "aha" moments of this episode was realizing how self-care plays a big role in our ability to be...
Aug 16, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Season 2022Ep. 33
My guest, Berend McKenzie, grew up in a home with adoptive parents that taught him to lie at an early age, in order to make the family look good. When his lies didn't measure up, he was physically abused. Berend experienced his life as so painful that he made his first unsuccessful suicide attempt, while in the third grade. He set the house on fire with the intention of jumping into the fire. Later, to numb himself from the pain, he started using alcohol at age 13 and it progressed to heavy drug...
Aug 09, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Season 2022Ep. 32
Jeremy Long's story starts with a family that didn't know how to validate or love him. He intentionally mimicked one of the characters in "Queer As Folk", when he was only 16. An addiction to drugs and all the chaos that went along with it, landed Jeremy in rehab, not once, but twice before he had his transformational moment. Jeremy finally told himself the truth. When we remove the blockade, the Universe can work its magic in our life. Now, in his upper 30s, Jeremy talks about his life of passi...
Aug 02, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Season 2022Ep. 31
My Guest, Anthony Meek, shares his story of how his inability to connect and honor his most authentic self, paved the way for an energy of desperation. That desperation attracted a lengthy string of one-right-after-the-other crisis, to include a partner in poor health that had a severe addiction. After 14 years of caregiving and ongoing crisis, Anthony had his "AHA" moment when he knew he had to step into full authenticity and take care of himself first. Anthony talks about what a lack of authen...
Jul 26, 2022•47 min•Season 2022Ep. 30
My Guest, Tyler Boyle came out a little later in life. He shares his unique perspective on the rude awakening of what he thought gay life was going to be like, after coming out... and what it really was. While coming out stories are abundant in our community, "after coming out" stories are definitely underrated. He speaks on how feeling like "the other" was such a big part of his experience. If you haven't yet come out or you have come out later in life and feel like you missed something, this e...
Jul 19, 2022•1 hr•Season 2022Ep. 29
My guests Travis Stock and Bryan Kosarek couldn't have been better partners to dive deep into this topic. We discuss the continuum from conscious masculinity to performative masculinity and everything in between. Masculinity as an external way of being and also as an unseen energy that is in all of us, even if we aren't aware of it. We also discuss the interplay of masculine and feminine energy. I found the conversation to be very affirming and healing all at the same time. If you feel disconnec...
Jul 14, 2022•1 hr 21 min
Rob was infected with HIV over 30 years ago by his narcissistic and abusive first partner. He shares the story of going from victim to owning his part in that experience. This, layered with a long list of illnesses, will definitely make you feel grateful for whatever you have endured. Rob's message of positivity and never giving up has proved to be most valuable to him as his doctors now tell him he is the healthiest he has been since this started over 30 years ago. Listen to how Rob's Self-Love...
Jul 12, 2022•52 min•Season 2022Ep. 28
Grant Miller shares his story of being diagnosed with HIV and AIDS in the early 80s, being told he had about 6 months to live. As he talked about the negative stigma and rejection that went along with being HIV+, combined with a non-supportive family, his story brought tears to my eyes twice during our conversation. He talks about a time when he really believed he had nothing to live for, yet there was the small quiet voice in him that guided him to keep going. For anyone who has not walked in t...
Jul 05, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Season 2022Ep. 27
If you have a story that you don't fit in much of anywhere, this episode is the ticket. My guest, David Beers, shares his story of a family, a school, and a town where he didn't fit in. On top of that, his experiences include childhood emotional, mental, physical, and sexual abuse. As an adult he married a woman, had a child, divorced, remarried and finally came to his moment when he couldn't hide the real him any longer. The high point of his story is when he shares how he went from totally fee...
Jun 28, 2022•51 min•Season 2022Ep. 26
While we don't talk about this much, the percentage of gay men that have been sexually abused or assaulted is very high. My guest, Darren Sage, shares losing his virginity at age 24, when his boyfriend plied him with alcohol and forced himself on Darren. That trauma has had a lasting effect on Darren's ability to engage in sex or any type of relationship, romantic or plutonic. Darren and I unpack how the coping mechanisms that once helped him survive, now keep him isolated and lonely. He identif...
Jun 21, 2022•1 hr 12 min•Season 2022Ep. 25
My guest, Brad Shreve, has had a lot of challenges in life starting with internalized homophobia, a broken marriage after coming out, sexual addiction, alcohol, drugs, domestic abuse, homelessness, time in a psych ward, and a long struggle after recovery. Just as it seemed life was coming together, he spiraled out of control to where he could barely function, only to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He claims it was one of the best days of his life because things finally made sense. Brad's Pr...
Jun 14, 2022•1 hr 16 min•Season 2022Ep. 24
Mike Iamele shares an incredible story of how a life-threatening illness brought him to, not only the love of his life, but also, his true purpose in life. His story telling abilities are remarkable and I found myself covered in goosebumps and totally speechless multiple times. Mike's story clearly demonstrates how our greatest challenge in life can end up being our biggest gift. If you want to experience a feel-good story, this is it! Mike works with gay men using a methodology he created calle...
Jun 07, 2022•58 min•Season 2022Ep. 23
After a lifetime of creating art, Paul Lorenz puts himself out there in a more bold way that ever before. As a result of the pandemic, Paul's art took a 180 degree turn when he decided to exhibit very provocative images of himself at age 60. He went from painting to self-photography that would include a long period of deep reflection. If you struggle with putting yourself out into the world, Paul's inspiring story may be just what you need to hear... stay tuned. Paul is a full-time interdiscipli...
May 31, 2022•54 min•Season 2022Ep. 22
Brian Janes had a wife of 30 years, two teenage kids, and a successful career. At face value, everything looked good. The problem was that Brian didn't have a clue who he really was. He shares a story of being in the 7th grade and being so numb from repressing feelings that he didn't understand, that he would cut himself with a razor blade, just so he could feel something. Everything unraveled at age 47 when he was driving to work one morning and, in the car, he said out loud, I'm gay! Brian's d...
May 24, 2022•59 min•Season 2022Ep. 21
