The 'Cool Girl' Myth: Escaping Male Validation

Welcome to the Audacity, a podcast for women where we don't chase men, we chase margaritas. Ooh! oh I am your host, the Sovereign Woman. Join with Lisa. Hi, Lisa. Yes, and we have an awesome show for you guys today. We have so much to cover in our tea time. We'll be talking about an anatomically correct Henry Cavill doll that has been recently purchased and that went very viral on the internet and you'll see why. Then, I'll have to read you some of the, a little bit from the article.

ah Yes. We're gonna talk about the Texas State Fair and then we are going to weigh in on the Aisha Curry discourse that's been happening throughout this last week. TikTok is already like over. They've already wrapped up the discourse, but we do have our own two cents that we wanna add to that.

And then, For our main discussion, we're going to be talking about the cool girl archetype, the chill we talked about expressions of masculinity last time and in response to the patriarchy, women have had all of these iterations of different kinds of responses to it and cool girl is one of them.

We've talked about the trad wife before, we've talked about the pick me girl before, but yeah, today we'll be covering the cool girl and we have a brand new B segment, another one that is called Tea or Trash, in which we'll be discussing like, I guess they're like responses to the patriarchy and like whether they're actually good or. if it's just trash like everything else, if it's all just like lip service or whatever, but stick around, because I think we're gonna have some fun with that one.

And for crumpets, we'll be doing another Fuck Mary Kill, which we loved last time. um And producer Ryan said he added more options to our list. So can't wait to see. my God. I wonder if Mr. Burns is on that list. Well, listen. Mr. Burns, putting Mr. Burns on that list might be fun. I don't know. say, because there is a She-Ra 7 approach to Mr. Burns, I'll just say that. You know? Mm-hmm. I'm actually surprised he's not married in the show. Never, he was never married.

Did he ever even date anybody? Now his assistant had a crush on him, right? What was his name again? Oh, Smithers. I forgot all about that. my God. So we're already two thirds of the way to a fuck Mary Kill right there. We just gotta add one more. How about that nerdy guy that you like? The scientist guy? could throw Flanders in there, I guess. No, not Millhouse. No. That would be so creepy. Oh, God. that scientist guy, the scientist guy. Not him. No, Ryan, don't. Don't, don't. No. the document.

He's adding it. Oh my gosh. so Krumpets is available on our YouTube now as well. If y'all haven't heard, I know we've said it the past couple of shows, but please go in and join. It is a little bit cheaper than the Patreon um subscription where you get that because you get less perks. But you can just get the videos. I think they're great. I go back and watch them every week and they're very, very funny. ah But I'm biased, of course.

But tell y'all about, And let me tell y'all about our Patreon because you do get lots of cool perks and love our Patreon. Okay, so if you join our Patreon and become a VIP, here are the perks you get. You get early access to every episode and to the show notes. You get ad free listening or viewing. You get our weekly crumpets that we just told you all about. And you won't hear them anywhere else other than the YouTube.

You also get priority mailbag and topic submissions and voting power on the future segment topics uh of which we're going to have a therapy or the void coming up and we will give y'all a voting option for that. You can also spill your own tea in the tea time with a voice note. We had one of those last week, so be sure you check it out. There was, uh yeah, that was a good one. was.

access to our private feminist community and lots of different chats people have been sharing, you know, TikToks and new segments and just, you know, being able to give advice to each other. It's been really awesome to see the community grow and come together. Yeah. And now it's time for our shout outs, our VIP shout outs we have. Ultra mega, okay and loving my life joining the VIP section this week Welcome, welcome. Yes, love the usernames.

I love that y'all, you are helping us with the privacy thing where we don't want to put anyone on the spot or like say anyone's name because we know unfortunately we do still live in a patriarchy and the things that we say on this show can be considered very controversial by some people, which is crazy. But yeah, well I think it's time to have our tea, sovereign.

Yeah, I know. we were saying that we both did videos about Aisha Curry, but neither one of us posted them. Now it's too late. It's too late. Yeah. up by the end of this week or your opinions are not going to be heard. So here we are. So what did she say that was kind of like sending everybody off the ledge? I know the men crashed out really hard because that she had never planned to get married or have children.

She didn't think she wanted to get married or had children or I don't think she wanted children either or something she said. every. Yeah, she was going to be a career woman and everybody thought they heard her say, I regret my kids, I regret Steph Curry, I hate him, I hate my kids, I hate my life. Like, that's pretty much how the you know. yeah. just like, she never said any of that.

I will say this though, I did sense some regret in her, but I think that that's what happens when you, for a lot of women, they get married really, men too, when they get married really, really young, a lot of times you don't know who you are at that point. You're like bringing kids into the world and your brain isn't even fully developed yet. You know what I'm saying? And. I don't think she is miserable or anything like that.

I don't get that vibe, but I think she's looking back at the life that she could have had had she chose a different path. And I don't think there's anything wrong with what she said. um Remember when they was dragging her some years back because she made a comment about women needing to cover up and she... is conservative, she covers herself for her husband because you have to leave something to the imagination and all that.

And everybody was kind of like dragging her, but the men were using her as they were triangulating her against other women. Like, this is how y'all supposed to be. You're supposed to be like Ayesha Curry. And it's amazing how they all, every woman that men put on the pedestal publicly, they always end up finding a reason to trash them later about any little thing. It doesn't matter what it is.

And... I always tell women to pay attention to that because you know how we said there are no VIP sections in patriarchy. You know, a lot of women think it is and that it's only a matter of time before after they put you on that pedestal before they drag you down. But, you know, when she made those comments back then, I didn't get mad or feel any kind of way. I immediately knew that she was kind of speaking from a place of like envy or jealousy of other women.

That's how I took it, because she was watching women be able to live their lives, the lives that she gave up, the one that she decided to kind of like push to the side to have kids and get married. And don't fall her for that. I think that's kind of a natural human emotion to like feel like, dang, I wish that was me. But since it's not, let me find a way to like make myself feel better. clown those women for, you know what mean? And I think some women do that.

But either way, I don't have a problem with Ayesha Curry one way or the other. I don't really care. But the fact that everybody felt like she basically, I hate everybody. I hate Steph. I hate my kids. I hate all the money I have. They literally took it that way. And I'm just like, y'all are so fucking annoying. They're so annoying. know, there is, we're in this, you know, time and age where everybody can comment on everything, especially the men. And it's just like, nobody effing asked you.

This is a woman talking about, you know, her experience. Like, you don't even understand where she's coming from. I loved Public's video about it because he was like, you... Yeah. have a homosocial relationship with Steph Curry. You would marry him if you could and you would be so grateful and you would be so stoked. And it's like, yeah, and I think it's, he did, he did. I did, I sure did. We're trying to be like beginner friendly, okay? We're trying to be a little entry level.

I don't know, I am, guess. You guys gotta you guys gotta tune into the crumpets if you really wanna hear the. the weird shit we say, but no, I think it's like there's so much value to like seeing her journey like for women, you know, because that's why I'm like, I don't really need men to weigh in on this discourse because it's not for you. Like when Steph Curry says something you can weigh in, but like you are not being affected by the patriarchy the same way that Aisha Curry is.

Plus, you know, all the other intersectional things that lay on top of that with her being a black woman with everything like that. And it's interesting because after she made those like modesty comments and stuff, she kind of went on a journey and she was not very modest with that journey. And I was so happy to see that because I'm like, these are all canon events. I'm not gonna be sit here and be like, she's such a hypocrite, da da. No, she believed those things when she said them.

And now she knows a better way. Now she knows that. a brighter future as possible where she can have her titties out too. And we all love it. You know what I mean? Like she you don't need to be like that's a choice and you know, whatever. But it's like, I love that she has been so publicly honest and imperfect and has had that like growing. Yes, like we don't appreciate that enough as a society,

what I said in my video is that Aisha Curry said absolutely nothing new to a lot of women because our grandmas have been telling us this.

It's just the men that are so taken aback and it's like, yeah, because You guys are so fragile and you're so like incapable of understanding the nuance that like women have to live with that our grandmas used to take us aside and whisper this shit in our ear, you know? And a lot of women didn't listen, you know? And this is, I continue to be like really thankful that I did not choose to have kids. Like I did get married young like Aisha did, but I think throwing... Yes. That's the game changer.

Yeah. yourself. so while I feel like I have never really not centered myself in my marriage and that thankfully that I just married someone who wasn't obsessed with the idea of having children and right away and wasn't like, putting that kind of pressure on me ever. In fact, he's always tried to take it off, but like I can only imagine.

Really, I can only imagine what that would be like, just getting married so young, having kids so young, and then you're just really, I don't wanna say stuck, but you're really committed. Committed. You're committed to your children, and then you are stuck in the way that her situation's kind of unique because of the lifestyle she's able to lead while being married to him. having a public divorce with it, then his whole dating. Like I see why Beyonce did what she did.

Whenever I start thinking through the logistics of like a very public and everyone has an opinion on kind of divorce and like the money thing, the whole dating thing, the fact that the woman's gonna be a single mom, now gonna be a single mom for, you know, like, oh no. I see why she did what she did. Wait, as far as going private, is that what you mean? No, staying with Jay-Z. You just get well, no, I yeah, I do. I do.

Not because he's a good guy, but because like I think the logistics of it, she was like, I'm not dealing with all that. I'm simply not doing that. I'm not going to watch you date a bunch of 17 year olds or whatever while I'm here raising our three children. You know what I mean? Like, hell no. No, you're going to stay right the fuck here. Yeah. you're gonna do the PR thing, we're not gonna probably live together, whatever. I was just gonna say, I still don't think they're together.

I don't know, I just get that vibe. I just... in Ring the Alarm years and years and years ago. She said, I'll be damned and she stuck to it. anyways, shout out to Aisha. Good job.

I think that's awesome. Let's talk about the Texas State Fair. um Listen, don't ask. I don't know why that was funny to me when I saw clips of it. And yeah, good job people of Texas and everyone, everybody else, wherever else in the country that does this. I was just telling Lisa before we got on that I get such a kick out of seeing places try to price gouge people.

And then when they have an event, Nobody shows up or not enough people shows up to where you can have you know turn a profit And I don't know why that just makes me so warm and fuzzy inside. I love that because I Saw I don't know how true this is. I saw a turkey leg for $24. Did you see that? no, no, no, I sent, I actually did my, you know, a little bit of digging here. The turkey leg was 24 dollars, let me see. There is no fucking way. Under any circumstances. absolutely crazy.

was, yep, Turkey Lake was about $25. Surprisingly good size and juicy, but worth about $15 elsewhere. Steak kebab, 25 to 27. No. No. not even worth $15. A turkey leg? $8 tops. Oh my God. I'm kind of laughing because I live in Washington, so these are very standard prices. These are, I'm sorry, y'all have it good in Texas, yeah. But somebody said, okay, so examples of spending and averages was $100 just for parking and entry. Okay, 150 tickets was $150, so it's a dollar per ticket.

So on aquarium and food, I guess they had an aquarium there. I don't know. They had two bacon wrapped cotton candies. Okay. Well now what is going on here? Two bacon wrapped cotton candies. How does that work? How much bacon do you get? How big is the cotton candy? These are Texas things. We don't understand. Maybe we're not meant to understand. I can't. did his big one with Texas, I don't know. So a couple spent $200 total.

Group of four would spend about $50 per person and that was like after 5pm entry plus shared foods. Yeah, so the average is just to go is like $100 per person. $50 to $100. Yes, absolutely nuts. people were saying you're gonna need a takeout alone. Right. But I want this to keep happening, if I'm being honest. Now don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the people who have to do this for a living. Like your restaurant was there and your restaurant didn't make any money.

But at the same time, I mean, this has to keep happening. I want this to keep happening because I feel like that's the only way, if prices are ever gonna come down, which I, you know, they say once they go up, they don't come down. I don't know how true that is. But if things are going to get better. That's the way to do it. You're gonna have to boycott these restaurants that are price gouging, these carnivals, uh amusement parks, Disney, whatever. mean, wherever.

Wherever people usually go when times are good and times are okay or bad, even when they're just okay, y'all gotta wrap it up. Stay at home, find something to do, order some books on Amazon, buy some um cheap fitness equipment and stay home. I'm not even joking. Let these companies suffer because that's the only way. If enough people do this in the United States, these companies will have no other choice but to lower their, I was trying to say lower their standards, lower their prices.

Look at what happened. Absolutely. Absolutely. is unsustainable and it's one of the only safeguards that capitalism has built in, you know. And you can't go to jail, at least not now, for not spending your money. Like they can't do anything. They can't make you show up. I know. sovereign Jesus. I hadn't even considered that, yeah. chicken leg or turkey leg jail. You're going to jail. I can see them. I can see them doing that.

Yeah. You lose your driver's license because you don't want to spend $25. I know, right? I know. I know. OK. move on to our next topic. But yes, way to go, Texas. I really do love that and keep it up.

Exactly. Okay, so let me read you something. I knew you were gonna get such a kick out of this. sovereign because it just gets, it keeps getting crazier and crazier as you read it. So the title of the article, and this is a unhinged news. The title is Man Buys a Life Size Silicone Anatomically Correct Henry Cavill Doll and Instantly Goes Viral. An avid doll collector based in Texas. Oh, another Texas shout out.

uh We're all about Texas today has seen his profile soar in recent days due to his latest acquisition. It's a life size realistic silicone doll. A former Superman actor, Henry Cavill. So he has thousands of these dolls like whatever, but he. like figurines, mean like little play dolls? Thousands of life-sized dolls? He has thousands of dolls. Maybe the dolls vary in size, but the Henry Cavill one is a life-size. And they turned to a designer in England to do the work. And it's impressive.

The article says it's impressive, even down to the hairy arms and chest. um Yeah, so online, many, many commented that with a doll so realistic, they wouldn't need a real life boyfriend. So the women are jumping on to the to the AI boyfriend, like trend to the robot boyfriend trend. I love that. Others wonder just how anatomically correct the figure is. And so they basically said, well, he was saying that it's like. He got him for a real life kind of roommate situation.

He said life with Henry in a way. um So one TikTok video of the doll shows it without clothes during its construction. And there's a Superman logo slapped over the groin area. So they were wondering if that was hiding something. And so they said the guy who had him commissioned says he is anatomically correct, but not a sex doll. So he isn't made like that per se. I have added additional silicone pieces though. just gonna say, does it have the thing? it have a peepee?

Because if it has a peepee, then that tells you everything you need to know. Because why else would you need that? I know. And people were like having so much fun with it on Reddit. apparently, yeah, apparently he has a boyfriend and stuff in real life. And so that that's what I'm that's what I was thinking. I'm like, well, yeah, it seems like you guys just wanted a third. But, you know. Yeah, yeah. And I'm kind of all for it when it's happening to a man, you know?

I, yes, and I bring it up because I wonder if like now that it's happening to a man, I wonder if they're gonna make like laws around it. Like I wonder if Henry Cavill is gonna be like, hell no, like people can't do this. And that would help us women. Like that's why I'm excited. Cause I'm like, these things, these changes don't really happen until it happens to men. man, yeah. like people are out here making like AI porn of women that they know, like they're making commissioning dolls and stuff.

And it's like, well, I don't know, hopefully now that the shoe's on the other foot. Would you be freaked out if you found out there was like a life-size Lisa sex doll out there? no, but I mean, like, would you lose sleep at night or like, you, would it be funny to you or, know what I mean? I don't know how I would feel. Now listen, I have relatively high self-esteem, so I guess I would say I wouldn't be able to blame them, you know what I mean?

That's fine, but like, but yeah, the whole access thing and like, yeah, just the whole women as objects thing, yeah, that's very bothersome to me, because I'm like, listen, it's a little bit, it also did, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. That's why I'm like, I wonder how Henry feels. I'm like, they added silicone pieces, Henry. What does anatomically correct mean? Does he have a butthole? Ed atomically correct to me means that it looks exactly like him, size, stature, that's what I'm thinking.

And um someone, somewhere. point, because for some reason I was thinking like, correct, like matches with the anatomy of the human body. Yeah. So yeah, so when you, okay, if we were in anatomy and physiology, the definition of anatomically correct would be just like the whole, you know, so I'm thinking if it's, if they're using that word, I'm thinking it has every nook and cranny. Somebody somewhere knows his pee pee size and.

Or maybe it's like whatever they want the pee pee size to be, you know? But they're definitely covering something up with that Superman logo. If I could get a life-size doll of somebody. Stop. Wait, who would it be? thinking, God, I think it would be George Clooney. God, not George. You would love a silver fox. And you know what? I can totally relate. I can totally relate. Okay, don't be mad. But I always thought Brad Pitt was fine, even though I think he's a jerk, but he's gorgeous.

Every time I watch him, every time I watch one of the Ocean's movies, listen, I'm like, my God, this man is so fine, Jesus Christ. He's just, I know, listen. It's a whole, it's a treat, it's a buffet. is, my God. Yeah, I know. Who would I? I don't know. I feel like a life sized man doll in my house would just scare me more than anything. Like, my God. Like, I just don't know if I need that. oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. It can't even like protect me. It can't go to work.

Like, what the fuck are you doing here, man? Get out of my house. I don't need you freeloading around here. Just sitting on your ass, yeah. Guys, I'm so sorry, Yeah, all right. Well, we're going to take a quick break and then we'll be right back with our main segment about what it means to be a cool girl and whether cool girls are actually cool or are they something else. Stay tuned.

All righty. Welcome back. We are here to talk about the cool girl. I think I alluded to it a little bit in the intro that we women have lots of different responses to the patriarchy and to our own oppression. And we can choose to respond in all sorts of ways that are ultimately performative, I guess. And being a cool girl is one of them. And if you don't know what a cool girl is, I think still to this day, to me at least, the best definition of a cool girl.

comes from the book, originally the book, but a lot of you probably know it as the movie Gone Girl. monologue that I'm going to read to you all real quick. It's pretty short, talking about the cool girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl.

Being the cool girl means I'm a hot, brilliant, woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gangbang while somehow maintaining a size two, because cool girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool girls never get angry. They only smile in a chagrined loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.

Go ahead, shit on me. I don't mind. I'm the cool girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time, cool girl offended me. I used to see men, friends, coworkers, strangers, giddy over these awful pretender women. And I'd want to sit these men down and calmly say, you are not dating a woman.

You are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who'd like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I'd want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say, the bitch doesn't really love chili hot dogs that much. No one loves chili dogs that much. And the cool girls are even more pathetic. They're not even pretending to be the woman that they want to be. They're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.

and if you're not a cool girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn't want the cool girl. It may be a slightly different version. Maybe he's a vegetarian so cool girl loves Saitan and is great with dogs. Or maybe he's a hipster artist so cool girl is a tattooed bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing but believe me he wants cool girl who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn't ever complain.

How do you know you're not cool girl? because he says things like, I like strong women. If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because I like strong women is code for I hate strong women. Anyway, so that's the cool girl monologue. I feel like that very much sums it up. from here, we're very much ready to dig into the meat of the subject. I don't know, I feel like that one... couple of paragraphs really just blew my mind.

Like when I first heard it, when I first read it, I was like, whoa, like this is so effing true. And I've never heard another woman just laid out so unapologetically, you know? it just kind of put a kibosh on it. I feel like that was the moment culturally where we all decided like, cool girls are just pick me. Like it kind of took, you know what I mean? It kind of took the off of it. the pull the curtain, pull the curtain back.

Right. Because, you know, I don't know, I was reading this thread on like a woman's subreddit and people were talking about how they've always been like threatened by the cool girl, you know, because she's cool. Like she hangs out with the guys, you know, she can throw a pigskin around, you know, she. There's been so many skits about it on TikTok since too. They're like, I don't wear makeup. I just wake up like this. You wear makeup? Are you wearing makeup right now?

did you get dressed up today? my gosh, I only like ever wear sweats and like whatever, because you never know when the guys are gonna wanna play sports or something. I don't know, it's just so funny. It's just so obviously a performance every time. It is, and was times when I wanted to be petty. So like for an example, if I was like hanging out at a sports bar with like one of my male friends or something like I'm thinking about particularly when I was in California.

know, I would kind of walk in and you know how sometimes you can just tell women just don't want you there because you know, they think that you think you're all that or all the guys are looking at you so they feel some kind of way. And the moment I walk into a situation where I feel the energy shift with the women, I get petty. I get real petty.

And so I'll literally, and I've done this many times, where I will start acting like I'm into the basketball game or the fight that's happening or whatever. cause I know deep down, it just pisses the women off even more. So I would sit there and cuss at the TV like, my God, that was a foul. I would just do all this shit that the men were doing. But it was funny to me. I get a kick out of it.

So I know if I'm doing it to be petty, as a clap back, if you will, there are women who really do it just because they really want to be picked. They really want to be seen as the cool girl. So there's levels to this, in my opinion. absolutely. never care about actually being the cool girl. It was just like a show that I would put on. I've done this plenty of times. I'm like, oh yeah, okay. Y'all want to sit over there and like mug me? Okay, I'm gonna give y'all something to mug.

You know, and then I'll like grab, I remember, I don't even drink beer, but whenever I did, I would drink a Corona. And instead of getting like a girly drink, you know, something with a straw and umbrella or whatever, I would get like, just give me a Corona and drink straight out of the bottle. with the guys because I knew that that would just piss women off.

But I know I've had friends that actually were doing that because they so desperately wanted to, you know, they were trying to get the attention of the men. But when I did it, I was just trying to piss the women off, if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, because there is like the levels of misogyny is like always so fascinating for me to unpack because I can totally see why you would do that because so many women get, it's almost like a holier than thou level of pick me-ism.

It's like, you're like, you're not one of the girls. Like you don't want to come. And it's like, yeah, no, I'm not one of the girls. And what, and what? Like, I don't know, it's so crazy how of realizing the thing that we are all responding to, which is the patriarchy, women choose to attack each other from different levels of this layered misogyny. Like, you're not dressed modest enough, like we're talking about Aisha Curry.

Yeah. There's, go through all these phases, you go through all these canon events and I love that you were petty about it because it's like, no, let's speed up this canon event. Let's like, let's fucking get this over with because at some point you do have to show women that like, in that situation, it really feels like a more of like a crab in a bucket kind of situation, you know? It's like, they are vying for the male attention and they're not getting it.

And like they're mad because somebody else can like so easily like, you know, come in and like just read the men and be like, this is like easy or whatever. But like, I totally know the energy that you're talking about. And it is very annoying. It is actually like so worth being petty about it because those women are not your friends. Those women are not mad at you because you are like cosplaying a cool girl.

They're mad at you because they know that they're vying for the men's attention, you know? Do you remember the movie waiting to exhale? Yeah, I know the title, but I don't know that I've ever seen it. There was a scene when Whitney Houston walked into a party and there was one chair. It was a bunch of women with their husbands or their boyfriends at this long ass table. And she walks in and she had her hair in this French roll back when French rolls was a thing.

And she had on this beautiful dress. Whitney Houston, she just looked like Whitney Houston. And she walked in and all the women mugged her. She was like, is this seat taken? Cause it was only one left. And so then she goes to sit down. Before she sat down, all the women's men who they were sitting next to were like, no, please join us, all at the same time. And you could hear the women whispering, I can't stand women like her. And then she sat down thinking it was OK.

And then she read their faces. And she was just like, and she got petty. And she said uh something along the lines of, I am single and desperate. And I will take your man. But she was saying it to herself. It was like her inner monologue or whatever. and then they were still mugging her. And so she just finally got up and walked away. But that was that moment. I just laughed because I'm like, yes, I get the petty energy. But I don't know, I'm just petty like that. I would do that.

Even at my age, like I don't care if I'm 60. If I feel like, if I feel the energy with women, which I prefer to like hang out with the women. if they're on the same type of energy as me. But once I realized that they're not, okay, now operation petty mode because you know what I mean? Because I didn't do nothing to you. Yeah, and now it's like, okay. your friends. They're not your friends. Like for anyone that was going to like write an essay in the comments, you can stop right now.

These women are not are not worth like, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. trust me. I'm like, my God. Whenever I can find women, I'm very complimentary. I compliment women all the time. And whenever, I'm not. that are threatened by you are dangerous women to be around too. They're pick me's. What are you threatened by? What are you threatened by? You want the men's attention so bad you will do anything. Like that's weird. That's weird guys. Like, I don't know. They're like, oh yeah, here she comes.

Like she's going to take all the male attention. That's really what we're fighting over without even trying. And it's like, yep, now I will. I love that for you. I don't know. I'm looking for woman that I can like kick it with. We're in a bar full of guys. I'm hanging out with a few of my guy friends because a lot of times sometimes I have been like the only girl. It just depends on the situation. And I'm like looking around like, OK, let me find and none of them want to even look at me.

I'm just like, well, fuck it then. OK. You know, I'm not threatened by other women. I invite other women in if the energy is right, just naturally. That's why, you know, I've complimented women before and they just look at me like I got two heads or I'll say good morning to them if I'm jogging and they just look at me like, why this bitch speaking to me? And I'm just like, well, fuck you too then. You know, I'm just naturally friendly. I've been that way all my life.

And so, yeah, I just I think I think my pettiness is just one, a part of my personality, but also maybe it's a defense mechanism. I don't know. Cause it's like, I was actually trying to be nice.

I know because you can't control the attention you get and like I don't know for those of you that are maybe you know not not watching this or whatever sovereigns a very beautiful woman she's like People always talk about like people are so much better looking than they are on camera like I can only imagine what you look like in real life so like You cannot control the attention that you receive from people when it's things that you didn't like.

I mean, obviously you take care of yourself, you look wonderful and all that, but like it's just self care, you know? You're not like out here getting like procedures done or anything like that. And if you were, that'd be fine too, but either way, it's just kind of striking sometimes to see someone like in real life.

And I hate that other women are... get so threatened by that because the only thing you're threatened by is she's gonna take my man, she's gonna take the man I want, she's gonna... that's centering men and that is so worth being petty over. like that it really is. I'm sorry but it is. like now they're really not gonna pay attention to you. have fun. times out of ten, I promise you, we don't even have the same-tasted mint, so you literally have nothing to worry about.

Yeah, you don't want the freaking men at the sports bar like that you're freaking, you know what I mean? Like, and that's what I'm saying. Like it's so hard for women to realize this to be like, you guys realize when you see a woman that is beautiful and does not have to fight for like male attention or whatever, like she does not even want the men that are like, you know what I mean? Like they're oftentimes are just like, really are trying to find women to hang out with.

And yeah, and I feel like the cool girl is one of those things.

It's one of those like you're trying so hard for male attention guess let's go over kind of the rules and then we'll talk about why the performance of it is stupid. But the rules of being a cool girl is basically you don't need too much. You're low maintenance, right? Guys love low maintenance women. I don't wear makeup. Exactly. Yes, yes. so the reason that why men like that is because it kind of brings you closer to an object rather than a human being.

Like being low maintenance a chance for you to remind men less of like what you need like to exist, like what you would want from a relationship. Like, oh, I don't like to do all the like girly talk, like I don't like to come home and just like... talk your ear off, like if I come home, like we're gonna put on a basketball game or something, like we're just gonna sit there and drink beer and like eat hot dogs and like whatever.

And there's a lot of layers that goes into why men like that too, because men also love their own reflection, they're very homosocial, they're very like, they might enjoy that, but really I think part they really enjoy is not having to treat you like a person. because they can always defer to the whole, but I thought you were low maintenance. I thought you didn't care about that stuff. I thought you didn't, you know. And I'll add, they don't want to have to spend money on you.

So even with the whole, still with the whole, I don't like when women wear makeup, I don't like women. You know, a lot of that, some men don't like makeup, but a lot of that is really that they don't want to have to afford you. So if you're low maintenance, I don't have to buy her anything, I don't have to add to her life, I don't have to get her nails done, I don't have to do, that's a big. big chunk of it.

They just see it as free sex, free labor, and I don't have to do anything in the process. I don't have to be reciprocal. Yes, but the worst part is that reciprocal part because cool girl, she is also like effortlessly thoughtful too. You know what I mean? Like she's not actually mirroring the man. he is high maintenance to her, but she is low maintenance to him. But like she has to do all this stuff. So that's the next part is always be fun.

Meaning that you say yes to spontaneous plans or spontaneous like cancel plans. You're like, it's cool, babe. I don't care. Go hang out with the guys like whatever. uh Sexual requests, dangerous activities, even if you're exhausted or you feel unsafe. It's like you still have to put in the work, you know, of being seeming low maintenance, but really.

these are the kind of women that are like, yeah, I'll do this in bed and I'll do that in bed and I'll give you a blowjob before you go hang out with your friends. And like, you just walk out the door. God, this story I read online once like really fucking haunts me having to do with that. That's why I bring it up. Because it's just like, men will really use you as a receptacle ladies. Like I'm not even joking. The more you try to cool girl and like.

bend over backwards into a man thinking that you're so fun, just remember that you're not actually being low maintenance. everything you have to do is very high maintenance for the man. You're being low maintenance towards yourself, but it's not like you get the same experience that the man has. You're not moving about the world however you want. You're not actually being lazy or, nonchalant. You're very chillant. Like you're very, I don't know. Yes. The whole be effortlessly beautiful.

Look put together but act like you're all out of bed that way. That takes time and effort. That means you have to like get facials or do extra skincare or like have your lip blush tattooed on or your eyebrows tattooed on or whatever. Like all this kind of Then don't get jealous. Even if you're hurt, swallow it and smile, right? Oh yeah, I don't care if you go out party with the guys. I don't care if you go to the strip club. I don't care if you do this.

You're with a lustful man and he is like, you know what I mean? He's out here being embarrassing. He's out here proving that he's not a good partner and you're out here proving that you're a good partner to that type of person. That's gross, man. What is the payout here? What are you taking to the bank here? And then make them comfortable. So smooth over awkward moments, avoid confrontation and prioritize their feelings over yours, which is called emotional labor.

This is all, you guys don't realize how much work goes into being the cool girl. It is constant, constant, constant work, because you can never say what you're actually thinking. You can never say, like you have to tiptoe around these things. Like once you do actually get jealous, how do you tell that man? You can't. gotta suck it up. So it is. And so I say it's a trap too, because it's not even real to begin with. It's literally a performance.

Anything that's built on a performance is gonna automatically fail as far as I'm concerned. Cause it's not built on anything strong. It's not, the foundation is weak to begin with. And then like performance forces women to... suppress how they really feel, suppress their beliefs, their thoughts on things. And this whole I'm different from all the other girls is a way to try to stand out.

But like Lisa said, you're going to work 10 times harder to not be like the other girls, even though you're just a girl. Like you're a girl. You want girly things. You want to go girly places. You're a girl. Like it, it makes sense that you would want those things. But imagine flowing or you're trying to swim against the current of the river instead of going with the flow of the river.

When you are a woman and being a woman, you're literally just flowing with the river and just, but trying to be the cool girl, you've turned around towards the current and you're trying to fight against it. And that's literally what you're going to be doing your entire relationship. So it's like. You're going to be mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, emotionally exhausted, you know what I mean? You're just going to be tired.

Absolutely and I was gonna say even if you don't because I think a lot of girls struggle with this and I say girls like I mean young young women like you know 16 and up 14 and up there is this temptation to be like I'm not like the other girls because of how the patriarchy disrespects women how the patriarchy devalues women you don't want to be like the other girls because you don't want to step into that kind of lower role.

Like you're seeing the matrix a little bit and you are thinking that aligning yourself with the power is going to make you safer somehow. But it doesn't. And also, if you were really doing those things like because a lot of women are like, well, what if I do enjoy sports and hot dogs and burping and like all this kind of stuff? It's like, yeah, but there is a way to do that, not for the male gaze. And the women that are really enjoying those things are just out here enjoying them.

They don't have to say the part about, I'm not like other girls. They don't have to say the part about, I only hang out with guys, like whatever. You are making a bigger deal out of it than you need to because it is a performance and you need to be seen. That is you performing still for the male gaze. So just the same way as like other women are, you you're looking down on them because they are wearing a dress or they're wearing makeup or whatever. You. are the same.

You are just the other side of that coin. They're wearing a dress for the male gaze or whatever. They're wearing like their hair a certain way. They're doing their makeup. That's for the male gaze. Sure, you're wearing a jersey and some sweatpants and you're eating a hot dog for the male gaze. Like you're literally doing the same thing just to appeal to a different kind of man. I would argue a worse kind of man. That's just my opinion. low effort.

You're gonna, you're gonna attract low effort men. Men that don't wanna, they love the idea. They love the idea of a woman who doesn't wear makeup, doesn't want to get all dressed up, doesn't want to do this, doesn't ask for anything. Can you blame them though? Can you blame a man who was like, I got this chick and she, don't have to do anything for her. She'll do everything for me, but I don't have to do anything for her.

And isn't it amazing how men dress this up amongst each other and like put it out there in the ether for women to eat it up? Like, oh, you know, the more low maintenance you are, the more likely you are to get wiped up. And you know, they dress it up like it's this prize. And it's like, you're just going to find yourself exhausted, like working yourself into exhaustion. That's it. they really meant that, they would go for the equivalent of a low effort, low maintenance man.

They would go, you know what I mean? Because it's all fun and games until it's time to bring your wife who only wears old ratty t-shirts, has no skincare routine, like whatever, all this kind of stuff. I'm not saying you need those things. I'm just saying men don't really mean this when they say it because they would never bring a woman who's actually like that. around people.

Yeah. for her to be eating hot dogs and burping and talking about blowjobs and talking about farts and poops and all this kind of stuff. No, that's not actually cool out in real life. Like that's actually not male gazey to other men. And so it has to be this very curated performance. you don't actually, you know what I mean? Like you don't actually talk about farting and pooping and, you know, like not shave your whole body or whatever. Like you're not, you're not actually low maintenance.

Like you're, you're still very, very high maintenance. And if he needed to, that that's why like the cool girl is above all else hot. That's, that's the key that a lot of people are missing. Like you're not just cool. Cool is one thing, but you also, as a woman, you have to be hot. Mm-hmm. top of it. Like men can be cool without being hot, but women cannot be cool without being hot. then you're just a slob. Then you're just like what man would want you in a bad way. Yes. Absolutely. 100%.

So all of this cool girl nonsense is rooted in male validation. So do you think, I know, I think I know what your answer is going to be, but do you think a woman can be the cool girl and decenter men? It's impossible, right? you're automatically centering men by wanting to be the cool girl. Cause you're not, you don't want to be the cool girl for other women. I that's not why you're doing it. You're doing it for male validation.

And like you were saying earlier, or a few minutes ago, when it comes time to inviting you to invite you to the Christmas party at work or something like that, if they do, and you are the cool girl who burps and wears ratty clothes,

they're gonna clown him and what he's gonna in turn do is he's gonna come home and he may try to change you and nag you about you need to change your wardrobe or he might just start looking to replace you. So at the end, one of those two things are gonna happen or he's gonna save himself the embarrassment and just not bring you in the first place. So you lose as the woman either way when you're just not yourself.

It's so much easier in my opinion to just be who you are and that way you will attract people that actually like you. When you try to be something you're not, you're gonna attract all sorts of people and none of them are gonna be for you because you're attracting them under false pretenses, essentially. False advertising, basically. Yeah. because then that man can like turn around and say, you lied to me. Like you said you didn't care about the stuff and like da da.

And it's so hard to explain to them like the trajectory of. it's like, well, yeah, but I like didn't realize that you don't actually like love me. You know what I mean? Because that's kind of like we said, it attracts a certain type of man.

It attracts a man who still wants essentially a trad wife. Do you know what I mean? Like the cool girl and the trad wife are just there again, two sides of the same coin. It's like the cool girl is not supposed to be honest about her emotions. Neither is the trad wife, right? The trad wife is always supposed to agree. She's always supposed to like cheer you on, whatever. Same with the cool girl. Like you're just two sides of the same coin.

um I don't really see how this isn't like squashing down. your actual authenticity and you as a person, as much as the tradwife would be squashed down, I don't know, by performing all of that. And I think it's interesting because I do think there's family systems that predispose you to this.

For example, if you had an abuser in your family who never allowed you to express your emotions, somebody that you had to kind of like be hyper vigilant around and curate the vibe for your mom or for your dad because if you didn't, then you would be in trouble. I think those women oftentimes grow up and try the cool girl route. And it takes one to know one. So I'm not really sitting here shitting on people from above. A lot of us have been there.

A lot of us have tried to be like, okay, I'll just... in order to survive the patriarchy, I will try to align myself with the powers that be of the patriarchy, which is men. And so you end up performing, performing, performing until you realize like they really do not give a fuck about you. Like really, like really, really, really, for real, for like they do not care. They find you amusing. It's like you're a pet. You know what I mean?

But ultimately, like they still want to hang out without you. Ultimately, they still you you disrupt the patriarchy just enough, like on their side in an annoying way, not in a way that's actually radical or anything like that. They're like, we just can't wait until she leaves so that we can talk shit about her and about all the places that we would stick our peen on her body. You know, that's really what they do when when you leave and they close the doors.

or they talk about how they wouldn't fuck you or they talk about how they would fuck you or whatever. Like, man, it's such a sad game to play. Like it really does not make sense on its face or once you dissect it, it's just like, what is the point? What are you really walking away with? And it's nothing, it's really nothing. It is Cause that's the other thing is like, it all really comes down to the hot thing. You know what I mean?

If you're already hot, according to like patriarchal standards, you really can do whatever you want. Like the men are gonna react to you regardless. Like if you're wearing a dress or if you're wearing sweatpants or whatever, they're wondering why you're catering to them in the first place. And the secret is, is because men know they're not cool. They know they're not cool. I'm sorry, all men know deep down that they are not cool. That's why they do all this performative shit.

And so when they look at women that are doing all this performative shit, they're like, what's wrong with her? Yeah, I think what's wrong with her, that goes back to lot of men don't feel very good about themselves. And so when you are jumping through all these hoops for them, it's like, why does she want me? so a lot of women would think if a man is thinking, she's too hot for me, why does she want me?

that means he's gonna appreciate me because he's gonna see this like, oh wow, this hot woman want, and men don't, they don't typically, most of them don't think that way. They think the exact opposite. They will actually treat you like shit just because you, I just saw something on TikTok and somebody said, a woman said, uh a man will punish you, for loving them or something, I'm saying it wrong, but did you see what I was talking about?

They will punish you for loving them because they don't love themselves. And we're not saying every man don't love themselves, but we're saying like generally speaking, right? And that's their response. It's not, I'm gonna appreciate her. I think those men do exist, but they exist very, very far, few in between. And they wouldn't need you, they absolutely would not need you to be a cougar. Yeah. Absolutely. That will be, they just want you to be yourself.

And if you're hot, they're glad that's it. They're good with that. And then if you actually want to be nice to them and do things for them, those men exist. I do know that, but finding one, good luck. A needle in five haystacks. Good luck with that one. Yeah. It's one of those things I think men use the cool girl for self-esteem, like to boost their self-esteem. Like it allows them to be really and truly narcissistic and really kind of like play. um They're also like playing patriarchy.

You know, they're like, look at me. I can like just sex with her and then leave and go hang out with my guys. Like, I don't know, it just like, gives them like this ego boost that's like, yeah, and like she didn't even say anything. Like it's the same ego boost that a trad wife gives a man. And it's just like, you tried so hard not to be like the other girls. You turned yourself into essentially a modern trad wife, like a trad wife by a different name. You're still a pick me.

You still want the man to pick you.

The coolest women they are out here acting like men don't even exist. The truly the coolest women they wear the fashion that men don't like not not even to be like oh fuck man I'm gonna wear yeah exactly they just they just don't care they're like okay I put together this outfit it looks amazing to me you know they're like wearing the stuff that that makes them happy, that allows them to express themselves and that's what men hate. There is no particular style that men don't like.

They just don't like it when it's not male gazey, you know? um The cool girls are out here, just not giving a fuck. Like they're working, they're traveling, they're building their career, they're, making music, like they're just not giving a fuck. I don't know, those are the actual cool girls. To be cool means to like... to do it in the face of the oppression that the patriarchy wants to put on. It's not like adjusting yourself to fit the patriarchy better.

It's actually just like not, you know, kind of what I was saying earlier is like laughing in the face of oppression, being like, oh, you guys think all this is cool? Like, this is not cool. uh This is cool. this what I'm doing. I'm not conforming. And so, I don't know, that to me is like the biggest and- antithesis to the cool girl that performs for the male gaze is just a woman who does not give a fuck what anybody thinks. Like that's the actual antithesis.

That's the actual cool punk rebellious option. And whatever that may look like, like to me, me growing up, this was definitely, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Men hated those two. Hated. Mm-hmm. really, they didn't have any public relationships like while I was growing up, like I don't remember who they were with or dating or whatever, right? Cause men didn't like them. did not, men were threatened by them.

Cause it was just them two, their little dog and a fricking tumbler of coffee against the world. Like it was fucking amazing. Like they were my cool girls like growing up, you know? loved it. or there would be those rare times in like on Flavor of Love or some other like reality TV show that there would just be someone that just brought the women together in order to like just do something funny or like somehow, be a a gear that gets stuck in the machine.

I'm thinking of like a particular episode or I'm thinking of a particular thing but I can't remember it. But just whenever women unite on those reality TV shows or like that girl on America's Next Top Model who was like, yeah, so I've thought about it and this just really isn't for me. And all of them are like, wait, but like you can't. And she was like, no, I'm good. And like turns around and fucking walks out. Iconic, iconic. know, Britney Spears shaving her head.

those were moments in our culture that was like. so you really don't give a shit, like for real, like you really don't care. Like those are the moments that redefine culture. Someone who's trying to be like the guys, like you're going with the patriarchy, you're not going against it. You're just trying to approximate yourself to what you perceive as the source of power. But they're really not the source of power, they're the source of the patriarchy. That's not power.

Like the patriarchy is actually insecurity, like. my God, that's exactly what it is. It's the exact opposite of power. So you're literally dragging yourself down into the mud with them by trying, by trying to do that. And it's like, you know, they, many of them need to go to therapy and you want to be aligned with them, you're going to need to go to therapy. Like, you know, wherever they go, you're going to go.

If they become depressed, you're going to be depressed because you're too busy trying to follow this. made up system that's taking them down. many of them, some of them are starting to realize that patriarchy harms them too, but a lot of them are still lost in the sauce. They don't even realize patriarchy. it hurts us, but then we know how to climb out. We're finding many of us, not all of us. A lot of us are finding a way to like climb out and we rise from the ashes stronger than before.

Meanwhile, the guys are like losing out on quality women because a woman as quality don't want anything to do with most of them because they don't have any emotional intelligence or they don't know how to regulate their emotions. They don't know, you know, they've shut off their humanity. Yeah. Yes. they're missing out on a quality life, not just quality women. Again, they wouldn't care about women just like cool girls don't care about men. Like you wouldn't be so, you know what I mean?

Right, yes, yes, the real ones, absolutely. And I think, yeah, and it's, I was just gonna say too that I think I love Gone Girl for that example of a cool girl turned dark. Like dark triad, you know what I mean? Because that's what these men are gonna do to you, by the way. The more that you pretend to be cool, the more that you bend over backwards, whatever, you're gonna keep finding that like, he's just gonna take this. Like at no point is he gonna be like, hey babe, like just be yourself.

Like tell me how you really feel, right? No, they're okay with that performance. They're okay. You know, like there was so many uh parts in that movie and in the book where it just shows you like how the cool girl thing really didn't pay off because, you know, she talks about how they used to have like a really awesome and exciting sex life or whatever. And now he was just kind of using her body to get his needs met. And she was just going along with it and he didn't care.

know, like corner after corner, it's like, oh. She gave up her um trust fund for him to like move to a different state, help him open a bar, whatever. And he did not care. He just kept asking her for more money. He just kept bringing those problems to her, expecting her to solve them because he was so self-absorbed and so like, so diabolical. That's what I mean. You're going to attract the most self-absorbed diabolical man who is going to keep being like, but you're my punching bag.

But you're the thing. But you're the trash receptor. receptacle, I'm bringing you trash. You don't like the trash? You don't like the bad treatment? I thought you were into that. I thought you were the cool girl. I thought you were just gonna... And it's like, you will get to a point where you pull all the fucking crazy out. You really will because it will continue to prove to you over and over again how little this man cares about you.

And the end game of that is you're driving across the stage. You know what I mean? Like you're literally in that car just out of fucks to give. Your hair is like dyed whatever mousy color like you're, you're, um you know, wearing this. You're just out of fucks to give. took the last of your money and you're gonna ruin this man's life at any cost. And then the best part is like most of these men will still somehow weasel their way out of that. And then you'll just be their crazy ex.

Yes, absolutely. You also have, that's how it ends every time. And you also have to look at the more you do for them, the more they lose respect for you. there is no, so the more you do for them being the cool girl, the more they're gonna see what they can get away with. And they're gonna get away with so much that they're gonna, you've debased yourself at that point. And. Now they have no other choice but to see you as like, okay, I've used her up.

uh I always think of, I brought this up before, but I always think of the movie The Mummy, when Implotemp goes around sucking the actual life and the body fluids and the organs out of the person who opened up that sacred tomb or whatever. And then once he sucks everything out and you're like this mummified skeleton, he just tosses you to the side. That's literally... how men will see you, you're like down to the nubs of a mummified skeleton.

And now they don't even find you attractive anymore, physically, sexually, mentally, nothing. And they just toss you aside. And guess what? They're finna go find another victim. Meanwhile, you are left broken. they don't have the same mindset that we have when it comes to, um you're gonna be my ride or die. You're gonna be my special person. I can always come to you. you think that means it's gonna turn out well for you, it's not. It's gonna use you up and toss you aside.

You've debased yourself at that point. It's almost like when guys damage a woman and then say, oh, ew, you're damaged. Or, I made you a single mother and ew, I don't date single mothers. Even though they made you a single mother, they did it and they walked out. That's just how a lot of their minds work that way. It's like, I fucked your life up. I punched you in the mouth and knocked your teeth out, and ew, you're missing a tooth. You know what I mean? ugh, uh yeah.

And that's literally what it is when you are the cool girl. You are the punching bag, and that's all you're ever gonna be. Once they put you in that category, you're never gonna get out of that category, no matter what you do. The only way you'll get out is to recognize your worth and leave. so start giving a fuck about yourself. Like that is the only way out. And I'm just going to cover that really, really quickly before we wrap up. But yeah, the cool girl, as we said, is not a compliment.

OK, um you And the reason that it's not a compliment is because you're trying to be the opposite of the crazy high maintenance girl. And

A lot of men really just don't like women socially and relationally and whatever, right? And them calling you the cool girl is not a compliment. It's kind of like saying, you're wifey material. Like, yeah, not a compliment, not a compliment. just means exactly they're manipulating the dynamics of the patriarchy against you, you know, to get you to do whatever they want. Those relationships that you have are never gonna be vulnerable, right? You're both just kind of projecting.

You're projecting what you think he likes and he's just not giving a fuck. Like he's not even like projecting anything onto you. You're the one doing all the work in the relationship. Again, the tried wife parallel is there. You're gonna put more effort into this, to seeming effortless and nonchalant than you will ever put into just being yourself. So that's why the cool girl is the epitome of centering men and you need to be the epitome of centering me. Okay, take the N off, okay?

ah You need to escape the hold that the male gaze has on you. So you need to start expressing your feelings without fear of being abandoned. This is why I say a lot of women that experienced abusive dynamics in their family, they gravitate towards this because they fear being abandoned. So they're like, how do I mold myself into someone that you'll never leave? And it's like, you can't, they will leave you, because they're an abuser. You're trying to please an abuser.

And so you will attract an abusive vibe. Saying no when something doesn't work for you, you have to start doing that. You have to start saying no, okay? To anyone who will listen, okay? To other friends, to whatever, but you need to practice that so that... if and when you do get into a relationship you're very quick with that word no. can we do this? no. i'm not comfortable with that. i don't want to. ah i think megan the stallion is so good about this too.

i'm playing nice for no fucking plane ticket. i'm coming over till i know how big your dick is. i love that. i love that. he can call me lame and he can get an attitude but i still ain't doing... exactly. And she said it in a bratty tone, which made it even better. It was like this, I don't wanna do it. yes, put on the Megan, you know, those are affirmations. I, I record, that's my recommendation. Listen to a Megan Thee Stallion song or album, please. Just do it. my God. Listen.

look at how it worked out for ah her. She posted that video and I loved it. She posted that video of her um just like my man, my man, man, but the man in question, she was holding stacks of cash that he supposedly had given her. She's walking around with these bands. And it's like, I actually really love that. because she's Megan Thee Stallion, okay? She does not need his money. It's the sentiment, it's the principle, okay?

She has a good man, a man who is like, I know you don't need the money, but here you go. Because you're valuable to me. I need to give you the money for the principle of it. know, like he's telling you something, right? He's like, here's bags, here's this, here's whatever you want. And it's like, she could buy it for herself, yeah. But he's like, save your money. Oh!

so clear that that's what it's gonna take to make her happy, and there are men out there who will give you what you want, but you can't settle. That's the thing, if you settle, then you're never gonna get it. and if for some reason they break up, is she gonna feel stupid? Fuck no, fuck no. She's gonna be able to look back on that relationship, be like, treated me like a princess the whole time, whatever went wrong. I lost nothing. I didn't have to contort myself.

I didn't have to pay for his apartment. Yeah, that is, he is, you can tell, you can tell. doesn't strike me as the type that's like, no, stop twerking. You can't do that. Just like how Russell Wilson like, like he just loves Sierra dancing. Like he does. He's not from what it seems. I don't know him personally, but he don't seem like no hater because if he was, think Sierra would have probably stopped doing it.

But the very fact that she's like still herself, that's why it's so important to find somebody who likes you for you. Exactly. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. That was kind of my next point, too, is like allowing others to see you in less than perfect moments, but also just all of your moments, like all all of you like being like I'm so, you know, a man, you don't have to hide your excitement around because he's not going to make you feel stupid about it or, you know, like be a wet blanket or whatever.

trusting that you're worthy even when you're not easy to please like that is the thing that the patriarchy really tries to brainwash us about the most is that you're too high maintenance men don't like that okay you know who does that benefit who does it benefit for you to be low maintenance Absolutely the man maybe, possibly. Not you. That's all that matters.

It ain't you. that matters. And so, yeah, like I said before, men are not cool. When they do this shit is because they're hoping you'll be too busy bending over backwards and contorting yourself into a cool girl to notice how uncool they are. Always ask yourself, what do they offer me to be doing all of this? the coolest women out there act like men don't fucking exist and it serves them well. That's what that's the Megan, the stallion uh attitude.

to that is that, and I feel like I'm kinda living this now, even at my age, you would think that I'm over the hill for the streets and whatever else, but the only downside to that is it'll make men want you more because they feel like you're something they can't have. I literally, when I tell you, I tell my male friends, I don't give a fuck about none of y'all. And we be laughing and joking, but they know I'm serious. They know I'm serious. I literally don't care.

It's weird because they pay so much more attention to me. They're like, always want to give me stuff. They always want to. That's the only downside. So you just got to kind of be mindful of that. It's annoying as shit. It's a downside to me. It's a downside to me. It'll be a downside to you as a woman if you really don't want to be bothered. Do you know what I'm saying? If you really like. So, yeah, that's the only down. Other than that, you get what you want.

stuff that men say they hate in women. I like proudly. I don't like no masculine, strong, independent. I'm a masculine, strong, independent woman, like all day, every day. Soon as I wake up, I'm a masculine bitch. Like, you know, and I just. That's just me. That's the only thing though. As you get older though, you do find ways to just kind of blow it off. But it never goes away. That over the hill shit is a lie in my opinion. You never know.

And a woman who loves herself will always be attractive to everyone, men and women alike, because so many people don't love themself. Because so many people don't love themself, because they see that and they're like, who is she? Wow, this is it. It's like, you can have that, baby. You can have that. Learn to love yourself. Learn to like heal yourself with love. You know, don't don't be a shitty person to yourself first and foremost.

And that'll keep a lot of shitty people out of your life, you know. Thank you. I like how you said we reworded the cool girl to Pick Me, how it was renamed. Yeah. So for those of you who may be confused, the cool girl is a Pick Me. Formerly known as cool girl, it's Pick Me. So yeah. All right. And on that note, I think we are ready to move on to our brand new segment, Tea or Trash. But first, we're going to take a little break and we'll be right back. So stick.

right. And we're back with an exciting and brand new segment called Tea or Trash. The goal of the segment is to kind of examine the things that women often do in response to the patriarchy and sort of figure out is this an effective response? the patriarchy or is it just the same trash that everything that the patriarchy has to offer us is?

Because a lot of these things are oftentimes presented as you know fighting the patriarchy or like girl bossing your way out of you know whatever the patriarchy and it's like let's put it to the test. Let's see if it passes the logical vibe check. Kind of an examination of choice feminism I guess. I don't know. So, I guess choice feminism is one of the options. When I was coming up with this I was just throwing everything at it.

Okay, do you have one that you are particularly uh excited to talk about? Yes. Okay. Let's jump right in. What do you think? Is it tea or trash? have a professional opinion about plastic surgery and I have a personal opinion about plastic surgery. So my professional opinion is, I think people should do whatever they want. If something is going to make you feel better about yourself or whatever, and you're doing it for you.

Even if you're doing it for someone else, you have the right to do whatever you want. It's your body. The consequences, if there are any, are going to be suffered by you. You have to decide that. But I understand why some people may want to get some nip and tuck or get a nose job or whatever. I understand the why. just, so that takes me into my personal opinion. I don't like it because, because a lot of times, especially women, they do it for the male gaze and they'll say it's for them.

And maybe there's a small part of that that may be true, but overall, I was thinking about the BBL for an example. What part of your psychology, when you say you're doing it for you, what part of your psychology wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, I gotta have a big ass booty. I just need to have a big booty.

You're not doing that for yourself because you should be comfortable with who you are to the point where like, it would make more sense to wanna get a boob job more so than a BBL for an example. And I'm against both, but I'm saying, I'll tell you why. Because boobs are like kind of the marker of being a woman, right? That's one of the major markers of womanhood. surgery. Okay. like when you I was guilty of this when I was younger, everybody around me had boobs and I didn't.

And I used to be like, well, where's my boobs? And I stuffed my bra a few times. So, you know, and then when it comes down to trying to figure out if a man, if someone is a man or a woman, one of the first things you subconsciously do is see, this person have boobs?

Now, nowadays we know that don't mean anything, but I'm just saying for a lot of women, it's like You have to have, if you don't have anything else, you don't have to have nice hips, you don't have to have a nice figure, don't have to have boobs, you gotta have boobs. That's just one of those things. So to me, it makes sense that you would wanna do that more so than a big booty. As a woman, it doesn't really, it's like. appropriation, you know what I mean?

It's also like you're trying to, I don't know. Yeah. regardless of what any woman says, just, anytime I hear women say, I'm doing it for me, I don't believe it. Only because, you know, you have the right to do what you want, but the reason why I think it's trash and not tea is because a lot of women, the vast majority of the women who got it regretted anyways, at some point in time. They either start having health problems. Yeah, they start having health problems.

The type of attention that they thought they wanted from men, they realized the men just see an ass, that's it. Or if you got real big boobs, they just see boobs. don't see your, most men don't see your humanity anyway. But when you go and augment yourself in such a drastic way, which a lot of women do, not all women do it. Some women are very subtle with it. But when you do it in a drastic way, like you got these. Double Fs and you're like a size six. It's like why?

You just turn yourself into a clown show almost. And then attract men who only see the body part that you got done and that's it. So a lot of women, I've seen plenty of women get on social media and say they regret it because I thought I wanted this attention but men are just, they're more disrespectful now. They just want to fuck you. just want, you know what I mean? And that's it. And they just toss you aside.

When it comes to messing with faces, I'm against it only because typically they end up looking worse than they did. And I'm not shaming. What I'm saying is to me, just about every woman that I've ever seen get plastic surgery, their before was so much better than the after. Like they were beautiful. I think a little Kim. I think of Vivica Fox, I think, there's only one person that I can honestly say, getting work done made her look 20 times better. I'm so curious right now, who? stop.

Okay. that I think Kylie Jenner was ugly before. I think all of them are very pretty. Courtney to me is like the prettiest. Like Courtney is like up here to me. Just whatever. But they're all pretty in their own way. They're all very pretty. But the lips, it did her justice. Outside of that, I don't know anybody who's gotten work done and they look better. They were beautiful before. And I'm against it only because I want women to know. You are unique already.

There's only one of you in the world. Even if you're a twin, even if you're an identical twin, there's literally only one of you and you should love the fact that you are that unique. doing, getting plastic surgery and all that for the male gaze or for other people saying, you need to get a nose job. It's not gonna make you feel better. uh I always think of Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton as examples of like, you can get work done and you can do it very tastefully, right?

I think Paris Hilton still looks like Paris Hilton. I think it's unmistakable, because she never messed with her nose. She never messed with her iconic features, whereas Kim, it's like, I miss. She looked better before, sorry. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Like I wonder what she would look like now if she hadn't had the extreme nose job, if she hadn't had all the, you know, extreme work done because it's like you literally look like a different person.

You could have been such a cunty like, I don't know. There was just something so interesting and mesmerizing almost about her old face. And I hate that we even have these terms, old face, new face, you know? and has been refreshing watching. Even Beyonce, think, is another great example of very tasteful work. She does not look different. And she kind of embraces it.

At this point, she came out, there was so many shots on tour of her visuals where she's got a little, she's starting to age and she's not running away from it. You know what I mean? She's kind of embracing it. And I really... I love that. Yeah. as you get older, you're just watching all these people change. Like, I don't know, somebody posted a picture of like Mandy Moore on the red carpet and people were like, who? Who is that? You can't tell that that's Mandy Moore.

Like, she just looks like, no. Or like Christina Aguilera, I don't know if you've seen her recently. Like, that's not Christina Aguilera. That is a person, but that's not. time I saw her I thought that too.

Mm-hmm, where it's just like, like you're just very Instagram faced like and it's you know I I think we're gonna get to a point where the real Luxurious thing will be the people who never touched their face Yeah, because I think we just haven't had long enough with all of those surgeries and procedures to really see how it Ages with you and I think a lot of people have noticed that like young girls

getting not just Botox, but getting fillers in their cheeks early on, it actually makes you age faster because it weighs down your face and stuff like that. So there's just things that I think we're not thinking about far enough ahead of time and we're not. And it's like, you know, what makes you age is literally gravity. And so putting stuff in your face is gonna make gravity. Yeah, so I don't really.

Yeah. my God. and Botox with women too, like women have expressed that like it, they have trouble feeling deeper emotions because of it. that's why to me it's kind of trash at the end of the day. I'm like, you know, look, do what you gotta do. Cause I understand it's terrifying because women are like, I don't feel as angry. I don't feel as upset. I don't feel as happy either though, because like it prevents you from, you know, we're connected like our brain and our expressions are connected.

And so when you can't appropriately respond to things, it's kind of uncanny, spooky. Yeah. And I'm like, listen, but I do get it. I don't think it's tea. I do think it's trash. I want to live in a world where like cosmetic surgery. I used to always be really fascinated with those people that get cosmetic surgery, but like in ways that are like weird, like out there, you know, they get like the horns on their head or like they, you know, like they do the crazy shit.

And I'm like, that's what it should be for. You know, like we you're trying to look like, you know what I mean? Because a lot of women are like getting plastic surgery to, yeah, to look more like a child. And it's like, you should be getting plastic surgery to look more like uh a demon or something or something interesting, like an alien or like. an animal, like, I don't know, like, wouldn't that be more fun?

Wouldn't that be a funner world to live in rather than one where women are like, no, my nose needs to be smaller for what? So you can look more childlike. my lips need to be bigger. So what? You can look more like a black woman. You're not black. Like, you don't need to do that. You know, my cheekbones need to be higher or more hollow or what? Which is it? You know, what are we doing here? a creepy monster when you get older if you keep doing this. I don't care who you are.

I don't care how much money you have. Actually, the ones with the money look the worst, actually. uh They don't know when to stop. Nobody's, yes, yes. Oh my God. There's only a few women lucky enough to be like, to have an injector or whatever that will actually tell them no and be like, no, I'm not doing this because you going out there looking like this is going to make me look bad.

Like it's still a selfish thing at the end of the day, you know, but at least some women's injectors will at some point, you know, tell them no. But yeah, it is very, very uncanny to live in a world like that where you start looking around, you're like, So do I do this or do I not? Like it puts a lot of pressure on other women too in my opinion, cause it's like a lot of women will claim like you're doing it, I'm doing it for myself and like whatever.

And it's like, well, yeah, but kind of does like move the needle a little bit to a place that where other women are now here. It's like before we used to all be here, now we're like here. So it's just kind of, it's weird. of self love? Because to me kind of, my definition of self love is that you love yourself flaws and all. To me that's self love. If you're doing everything you can to move away from who you actually are, it's like.

Yeah. And to me, sometimes it's a response to the patriarchy in the sense, you know, when people critique choice feminism, it's like, well, the choice is feminism or the patriarchy. Like, what are you aligning yourself with? And sometimes it can be beneficial, like very practically to align yourself with the patriarchy. It gets you money, access, you know, uh opportunities, things like that versus just aging naturally. you become invisible after a certain point.

And some women are like, I can't wait, I'm looking forward to that. But I get it for women that have to be, but for women who make their money being on camera, for women who make their money being you know, like an actress or like a personality. and all that stuff. Or the sexy bomb show, you wanna play that character forever. You never wanna play somebody's mom after a while. So I know why they do it. It's just, I just don't think they're gonna be, I don't know.

Yeah, because it's like you're not invisible but you're visible for reasons other than you think. Like I'm always just fascinated, you know, with like Lauren Sanchez and people like that. It's just like, man, women used to age naturally and it used to be okay. I don't know. They look scary, unfortunately. I'm sorry. I'm a huge Lil' Kim fan, and Lil' Kim is almost terrifying to look at. And when I look at her old pictures, and I'm just like, why does she not see how pretty she was? Why? Why?

Why does she not see it? uh I know it is. I know it is. Ugh. very unfortunate, because I can't relate to that. I definitely have had to accept my flaws and everything like that, but I cannot relate to the feeling of dysphoria to the point where like, oh, thank you. But I just. I really mean like, know, some people will literally sit there and look at themselves and be like, if I could just take a knife and just cut, you know, and it's like, I don't, that's scary, you know?

And I can understand going to like lengths to try and alleviate that feeling. I do. So, but yeah, at the end of the day, it's kind of like, it's just gender affirming surgery. And it's like, you're not any less of a woman if you don't get it. You're not any more of a woman if you do. Like it is what it is. Mmm. Yeah. don't want, don't want women to wake up one day and realize, damn, now I feel worse about myself 20 years later because I look like the Saw doll.

There's a lot of people, you know that doll from Saw? that's what a lot of them look like now. So it's like, you know what I mean? I don't want to look, yes. you have all that loose skin, you're gonna have to fill it, fill it, fill it, fill it so that it looks tight. And the more you do that, it just makes your face bigger. It's so like uncanny, I don't know. Okay, well, I didn't know how many of these we would have time for, but I think we might have time for another one, one more? Okay,

How about brands that co-opt feminism in their ads?

do we think, does that move the needle forward or is that, cause that one I'm kind of like, it's kind of tea.

me an exam. I don't know, it's called femvertizing. like uh Gillette posted an online video called We Believe the Best Men Can Be, which called on men to stop bullying and sexual harassment. I still remember that. And then men responded by saying they boycott the brand, stuff like that. Then there's remember the Dove ads that were like, everyone's beautiful and like everybody, like whatever.

Then there's the, oh, the hashtag like a girl campaign in 2014 to show how girls lose their confidence when they hit puberty. Videos showed what happened when boys and older girls were asked to run like a girl. They helplessly flailed their arms and legs, right? It's like, okay, Wow, here's an ad that's not shaming women or explicitly telling them they're doing something wrong.

You Because while I know that it's just marketing and it's just a way to get women to buy whatever the product is, I don't think most of these companies actually care about women. It's just marketing. While that's the case, I do think to some degree it can be helpful certain women if they're knowing what to look for. So I'm 50-50. Yeah, if you ask me, does any of these companies actually care about women being strong and women doing this and that? No, I think it's just a money grab.

But. But is it nice to have the representation and like ultimately does it add a little bit of good? Like I do think so. that's why I'm 50-50. Overall, if it's helpful to women, then it's tea. Yeah, yeah, okay. I do think a lot of times they're doing it in bad faith, but as A woman I'm like no, I'm actually really happy to see like real women's bodies on TV.

I'm happy to see you know, things being subverted, being like, no, like I do things like a girl and that's like a good thing, you know, like that's, that's actually better or whatever. So I'm not really against it. I do not think it's as much of trash as is like, you know, the idea of getting plastic surgery to mold into the male gaze or whatever, to be more attractive to men or whatever. All right, well, this has been a tear trash.

And like we said, we'll give our VIPs the opportunity to vote on these next time. join the Patreon if you would like to have voting power. We'll try to do like a write in option as well, or you can just leave a comment if you have one that's more. And then we'll see like if the comment is like liked a lot or something like that, we can we can have extra voting options like that as well.

All right. And before we go, let's read off our poll results about surplus men. uh Have you ever dated a man who felt lost and expected you to give his life meaning was the question. Oh, I know. I'm yeah, picturing it now. Okay. So you can answer this one then. So what were the, uh the outcomes? A. Yes, I was basically his therapist. B, yes, I should have known better, but I thought I could fix him. C, not exactly, but I've seen it. And D was no, this has always been a non-starter for me.

I'll give you one hint, that was the least selected option. I'm D personally, but as far as the one I'm gonna go with, the women who thought they could change him. Or what was it that I thought I could help him or something? have known better, but I thought I could fix him. Yeah. It was, so the one that won was, yes, I was basically his therapist. And I think those two are kind of one in the same, actually. It's like, you were his therapist because you thought you could fix him.

A man told me before that made him, how did he put it? He said, you make me, you give me a reason to want to live. Ick, immediate ick. my God, that's so scary. You're gonna kill me one day, sir. Hell no, no, no, no, no, no. That's so manipulative. That's so terrible. Ew. that. I don't know if he was just trying to test me. I don't know. I think he was, he sorta had a crack in his voice as he was saying it. So that was. I told my sister about that and my sister just lost it.

This was back, I was living in California. I got a lot of funny California stories, by the way. uh Yeah, so I was turned off by that and then I started to slowly ghost him and I felt kind of bad But then at the same time, I don't want to hear it Don't tell me that like cuz that's terrifying because I always think of Those men who annihilate their families and stuff, that's what I think of. Yeah. Yeah, that's terrifying. Because what were you doing before me and what are you going to do?

Is there going to be an after me or are going to take me out when, you know what I mean? I just, no, Absolutely not. I'm so glad that I'm so glad he never knew where I stayed. I'm so glad of a lot of things. I'm so Please never tell me that ever. Oh my God. And I just feel so bad that the least selected option was the last one. Then no, this has always been a non-starter for me because I really don't think men deserve women at all. women are always like, I can fix him.

We're not including Ryan. Ryan's not a part of that. He's like, I don't know. You see, the best men will admit that they are totally part of it. You know, they'll be like, that's in me. That's there. That's there. I got to fight it every day. And I agree with that, too. You know, as a white woman, that's something that comes up for me a lot. So that is that's the thing. And you are just unaware of your own privilege so often or like your own experience compared to others so often. agree.

glad we're like shining a light more on that as a society. I know people are fighting it tooth and nail, but it is what it is. The light burns, okay? The light burns, but uh it's good. Everybody wins, honestly. Everybody wins when we can just be vulnerable, admit these things, and fucking move on. Like, people are coming to you as a friend, as a fellow human being. Just listen. Just listen. Totally. you have is your own experience and your own perspective until you like open up your world.

Like, and it's just so much better for you in the long run and all of us, honestly. All right. I think that's it. We already had our recommendation, right? Listen to Megan Thee Stallion as affirmations. That's the recommendation. I will put, I quoted from some pretty good articles in my notes. I I'll send those to Ryan as well. There was also a good Reddit thread that I would recommend reading Reddit or an ask women, when did you realize that being the cool girl was a load of shit?

And so there's a lot of really good answers in that. So that's my recommendation there you can. read and commiserate with other women when they had that earth shattering realization. But yes, we're off to record our crumpet segment and decide who we're gonna fuck, marry or kill. So y'all join us uh if you are so inclined and we will see you next week. have an awesome guest next week for y'all. So stay tuned. She's a villain era dating coach.

And I'm so excited to to unpack the work that she does. she's awesome. I love her videos. But yeah, tune in then and we will see you next week. Bye.