Beware Of The Emotional Vampire!

welcome to the Audacity, the spooky edition where we teach you all about emotional vampires. And they come in all shapes and sizes. So stick around. We have a great show for y'all that is going to be our main segment. But for tea time, we have lots to cover. We are going to be talking about the new Skims underwear currently sold out. And I'm still guessing as to why. Then we have some tea on Mike Vrabel, who is the former Titans head coach. And I think now he's coaching for the Patriots.

We also have tea on Mackenzie Scott, formerly known as Mackenzie Bezos. And then we have some tea on the alpha male boot camp, which I can't wait to get to that one. And for our mailbag, we have a very interesting question. Why do men insist on re-traumatizing you in ways that you've previously been traumatized? And this will probably fall under that emotional vampire category. So we have definitely have a theme today. And before I hand it over to, sovereign for our Patreon VIP spiel.

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Let's have some tea. There's a lot, there's a lot, there's been a lot going on. Tell us about this Skims business, cause I'm... Did you happen to see them yet? I've seen, well not this one, but I've seen some, like, a few Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking at the link right now and y'all, these are crazy. They're selling Bush underwear. And by Bush, I don't mean George W. I mean Bush, like your pubic hair. They're selling our pubic hair back to us ladies. What is happening? And it sold out.

Sold out and I mean in every size like it's sold the fuck out. There's literally not a single pair of these underwear available on the website any longer. Sold out. now, just, just. in every color. Like the ladies are like who is buying these? Okay wait I need someone in the comments like please if you bought a pair of these please tell us why what you're gonna do with them. Like I need to know. a feeling that the people that follow us probably didn't buy these.

I don't know, I'm just making that, I'm just joking. Okay, is it possible that this is just another publicity stunt? yeah, yeah. And I. they really sell out or are they just saying that so that more people could go, is to build a hype? I'm only saying that. I'm only wondering because the Kardashians are known for doing that type of stuff. They will build a bunch of hype around something and it's not even, um I'm just wondering.

Or maybe they saw a market and said, well, let's sell Bush underwear and maybe women really are, I don't know. buying it just to, I'm just playing devil's advocate, but maybe they are buying it just to, don't know, that determine? I feel like it would turn, I wonder if you know a man don't like it and it's like, I'm gonna wear it anyways. don't know. I'm just, just, I'm just, my wheels are turning on this. I'm just wondering like, what the hell?

would be more than I typically would expect from the Kardashians. I mean, maybe I'm cynical, but I feel like when they do their marketing is kind of cynical. I don't know if y'all remember a while back, Bianca Sensori, who is Kanye West, like new wife. Remember when she wore that see-through, like completely see-through, like it was just mesh, like dressed to the red carpet?

Well, a lot of people were leaving comments on that and saying, honestly, this would be like a very Conti, like very cool look. if only she had a bush because she did not. Yes. So a lot of people, like literally the comments were flooded, literally saying like the only thing this is missing is a bush. And I was like, well, that's okay. That's one way to look at it. I was like, okay, that's fine.

And my theory is that Kim saw that and decided to capitalize because the sheer dresses are not going out of style. Like, but I'm out.

dresses are everywhere on the runways like on the at the galas on the red carpets whatever and so that trend's not going away people are literally you know having like the whale tails are coming back so who knows and i feel like this is it's kind of a cynical thing it's like we have always i don't know it's like it's not really taking our power back like you're supposed to grow your butt like That's the real resistance, right? Is to actually. fan of that at all. Growing the bush.

That's just me though. I can't. maybe, maybe it's for that. Maybe it's for women that are like, you know, I normally wouldn't rock a bush because of my sensory issues, but I would wear some underwear and like, but I just don't see the fashion. Oh, Ryan's telling us to wrap it up, but I'm so far from a conclusion. Like I have miles to go. Like. the only way I would ever wear something like that, I would have to get paid a nice penny to represent that, otherwise I just can't.

And even then I still don't think, I just don't know. It's unsightly. I just don't, I don't think it's a good, I. I I wouldn't say it's unsightly, it just has always been. to walk around like that, looking like you're, looking like you just didn't shave. And listen, I'm not knocking any women. There's plenty of women who don't, who don't shave. Yeah, there's women who don't do that and I get it. Yeah, but I'm just, I wouldn't, I couldn't do it. That's all I'm saying. No. your bush out.

So I'm just wondering, like, I wanna see these. Like, okay, ladies, like you bought them. Now, like, what are we doing with them? Like, I wanna know. oh, I'm sure some men get off on this type of thing, I'm sure. Do think men were buying this? No, no, no, I'm thinking women were buying them to like walk around maybe the house or as lingerie maybe. don't, you know, I don't know. I'm just, I have no idea what they would use it for because I would never use it for that purpose.

So other than that, I don't even know why else they would, unless they're going to just start wearing the sheer dresses and then wearing fake bush underwear just to complete the look. I don't know. Will somebody think of the children? I don't understand. No, they don't think of the children in Hollywood. Well, let me be quiet on that. Yeah, let me not go there. But yeah, I just, no. I just have one question for you. Is this tea or trash? For me, it's trash. But that's just me though.

I don't know why we're trying to depoliticize the Bush. Like, the Bush has always been political. You can't sell it back to us. listen, don't get me wrong. I understand there's like, well, Skims has put out some products that are actually like, they seem kind of crazy at first, but then you think about it and you're like, no, that's actually that could be nice. Like the bra with the built in like nipples or whatever, the bra that had the fake nipples.

And it's like, no, those are actually cool for women that have had to get. mastectomies or whatever after breast cancer and like that could be um wear, I will probably wear a bra. I was gonna say, or it's like you want the girl sitting up high and you wanna have that no bra look, but you wanna still wear a bra. Like, okay, for the support, that's fine. For the aesthetics, I'm just having trouble placing the bush underwear into like a sensical, into something that makes sense.

But okay, like we have to move on. Please let us know your thoughts in the comments, because my brain is like broken. I wanna know who bought him and what. they're planning to do with them. All right.

well, I wanted to talk about Mackenzie Bezos. This is a crown or clown category and I'm gonna give Ms. Mackenzie a crown because... Come on, you know, in a world where like billionaires are still trying to decide what kind of obnoxious penis shaped thing they wanna do with their money, like, you know, sending rockets up to space or building like tall towers or whatever, it's all a dick, you know what I mean? It's all just like a dick measuring contest.

Yeah. And you know, they don't really care about saving humanity or whatever like they all claim to but whenever they do charity, it's like they're like, putting up a penny into a wishing well kind of situation. Whereas Mackenzie Scott just quietly handed billions, billions of dollars like I'm talking $19 billion to schools, food banks and organizations that are actually doing the work and She did not need to put her name on it.

She did not need to do like some Mackenzie Bezos like Institute of like, I don't know. Like I just think that's hella cool. And she just gave a bunch to DEI initiatives as well. Whereas these men are actively like removing DEI initiatives from their websites and shit like that. So I love it. Like it's giving divorced him and the patriarchy. right. is giving other billionaires a reason to feel ashamed of themselves, like as they should be.

Because, mind you, she is richer today than when she started giving the money away. So this whole asinine argument about, if Bill Gates gave away like half his fortune, then what would he, no, she gave away over half her fortune and she is still richer. Like the money, the compound interest compounds on itself. Right.

she literally will probably never, like people were in the comments talking about how at this point it's probably hard for her to give that much wealth away because it's like kind of, there's like issues that come with that. And the best part of what she does is she doesn't micromanage it, she just signs a check and just is like, go for it. Because that's just what the average woman would do. The average woman has empathy and wants to help. Doesn't matter if she gets tax write-offs or whatever.

She still, all of them would get tax write-offs if they did it, but they still, they don't even care enough to even try to even look like they're, you know, I don't know. I just, yeah. want to be so powerful. Your money is gonna outlive you. You're not gonna be able to take any of that with you. So it's like, what the? gonna outlive your great, great, great, great, great grandchildren, you know, at this point. And it's like, are we even gonna be using money at that point?

Like hundreds of years from now, like what are you hoarding all this dumb ass wealth for? Not at this rate, not if we keep having billionaires. So huge shout out to Mackenzie Bezos. Also, Mackenzie, if you ever, I. thinking that. if you ever need something to do with all that money, we could use a sponsorship. We could use a, we could definitely do a sponsored by Mackenzie Bezos segment or something. Thank you in advance queen because. make sure Orion em tag her name in the show notes.

Yeah. We would do right by it, so yeah. by it no for real for real just like you're doing and we love that the sugar mommy of social justice we love you a crown for the Queen okay sovereign I want to hear about the

alpha male boot camp Okay, so I sent a video to Ryan. It was a guy posted on his TikTok account, so I think it's fair game. oh my God, listen. I was in tears from laughter. guys are gonna love this. If you haven't seen, like, I know these videos have kind of been circulating, like, here and there, but my God, it's so funny every time. All right, here we go. And then he just hugs him at the end. After all of that. I feel like I shouldn't have been in the room for this. I feel like. that's fine.

oh I read a comment that said anything but therapy. They would do anything but therapy. Oh, and then another one said anything but just pay for a first date. And I'm like, yes, they would do anything but. Oh my God. being a gold digger, just know the men are out there digging other men's gold. Like they do not feel bad at all being like, yep, sign, sign this check for $15,000 to come and be like weirdly sexually aggressed at. Like what was up with that? Can you shed some light into this?

What is this behavior? So this man was telling him to move forward. So basically push him as if to show that he has strength to push him as the other guy was moving backwards and he's pushing him. I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man. I'm a man, I'm an alpha male. It's just so cringe and when I saw it, my God, I showed my dude and. He was like, turn it off. can't fucking do it. He was so disgusted. And when I tell you I laughed, he said that, no, he was like out back.

He needed to be taken out back. And we just laughed for a good like 10 minutes. But this is what they're doing. $15,000. I don't know which is worse, this or that woman who paid the dating coach, was it 10,000 to get married to a pookie or whatever, from what I'm hearing, allegedly. You so happy I understand that reference now. Listen, I don't know which is worse. Either way, it does look like a lot of men are doing anything other than just be a decent human being.

And it's it's so pathetic at this point. I'm like, what? All you can do is laugh because there's like nothing else to do but laugh. There's nothing else you can do. Scratch your head. It's a real frisbee to the head moment. It's just like, what?

Can you imagine like one of these dudes coming back from that retreat and like what like how do they want yeah like are they just walking into their office like or like do you just have to go back and act like everything's normal that's probably the more likely thing so then it's kind of like you did all that for no reason because are you really gonna act like that yeah beating your chest like a gorilla like no you're not 15 grand.

Imagine if those men owed child support or if they, if they're driving around in a hoopty, like you literally could've just got you a new car. what the, like, $15,000? Oh my God. imagine they pull up in their like little bucket and then they come out to this like boot camp and then they get back in their little bucket and are a guy who can afford to just, you can, you can just afford to just shell out 15,000. What kind of man is that, that has this money that's able, like what does he look like?

he just go to his office? Men like that really give assistant manager energy. You know, I just. It's gotta be an assistant manager. Can you be a manager? Can you be a CEO doing this, going and paying 15,000? What kind of man is this? to go to like those Tony Robbins like seminars and stuff, but I guess he kind of does the same thing, right? Except for, right, but he's like a good motivational speaker. ah But like, yeah, people would pay crazy money to go visit him on an island.

It really, no, it really is. And it shows you how fragile. masculinity really is because what do need to do all that for? Like what do mean? in a woman, meet her demands, whatever they are. And if you can't meet her demands, just move on to the next. Like, just be a decent person. That's all you gotta do. if she's saying, I just, I can't wrap my brain around it. Anything but paying for a first date, like the comment said. Like, anything but just paying for coffee. You know what I mean?

I would much rather you just take a woman on a coffee date than a- 15,000, I'm done. I have no words. I'm so over it, I just can't. yeah. It's like, man, you guys are running masculinity into the literal ground at this point. It's become a joke. It's become a meme. This stupid shit, this is what it is. Yeah, this. man! I'm a man, look at me! I'm like, what? I'm a man. And then it was like he was about to cry at the end when he hugged him. It was just like, was he finna cry?

what he really needed. He needed the hug, but you just have to do all this, know, beat your chest before the hug. Like then you can have the hug. Like, man, just hug each other. Y'all make me fucking sad. It's so terrible. Like you almost feel bad for them. they weren't such di- If they weren't so diabolical, it would make me a little sad, but it kind of doesn't. I don't care. Waste your money. You just have to laugh. Yeah. I hate to say that, but it's like, yeah, yeah.

pathetic, you never see women doing shit like this, cause it's unnecessary. So, it's so unnecessary. Oh my God. Okay, yeah. All right, sorry. Sorry to whoever paid for this, because that is crazy. That's crazy. sorry. Go ahead. money is not going to un-lame you. You're still gonna be lame. It's not gonna un-insell you. You're still gonna be an incel-asaurus. I can't. Industrial strength, insel vibes. It cannot be solved with a boot camp, sorry.

You're gonna have to actually like, you need to undergo a chemical reconstruction. A lobotomy. It's kind of seeming like the only answer. All right. Okay, sorry.

And our last bit of tea is on Mike Vrabel. And if y'all don't know who that is, um that's totally fine. He is a coach in the NFL, but there is some there we just discovered, I just discovered personally a little bit of kind of a cool thing that he does. yeah, let me set it up. So this is Mike Raible at his uh many press conferences. As you all know, coaches have to give press conferences after each game, before each game. I don't know, they have that mic in their face all the time.

And there's usually a room full of reporters for like different sports, uh magazines and channels and whatnot. And as you can probably surmise, like 99 % of those people are men. here's Mike Vrabel at his uh press conferences. How are you Teresa? Great. Go ahead, Teresa. I'll ask you the same thing. Hi Teresa. Good morning Mike. That the tail of the game? Well, it's a large part of the game. Teresa Walker. I'm the state... sports editor for the Associated Press in Tennessee.

I've covered this franchise, the Tennessee Titans, since they first arrived in the state of Tennessee in July of 1997. This is a tough business, I think, for females, right, for women, know, breaking into this league. And when I got to Tennessee, just trying to get to know everybody and there's Teresa and she's plugging away and she's always right there in front and super attentive. And so I figured just out of respect to her and give her the first question and then kind of How are you, Teresa?

I'm good, how are you? Great. And I make sure to try to introduce myself to all the new coaches that I'm covering so that they know who I am. I'm asking objective, Newsy-based questions. I think it's just kind of a respect thing, and I'm a familiar face. And I think he knows what he's getting pretty much when I'm going to ask him a question. Hi, Karen. Hi, Mike. How you doing, Karen? Hi, Karen, how are you? How's it going? How are you, Mike? Great.

so the woman there, she used to cover the Titans and now that he's coaching the Patriots, he is also giving the first question to a woman also named Karen. And you just love to see that. I think that's an act of like micro feminism. ah I think that's one of those things that makes a man instantly hotter as we talked about in one of our crumpets. It's like, The comments were full of women. This was posted on like a uh kind of a female coded subreddit, I guess.

But all the women were like, that's my coach. Like they loved it. And it takes so the bars in hell. You know what I mean? But we'll take a W anytime we can get it. So just a quick shout out to Mike Vrabel and men just, you know, that listened to the podcast. If you ever want to know how to be an actual feminist, how to be an actual ally to the feminist movement as a man, this is the kind of shit you do. All right. Do not be beating on your chest talking about how big of a feminist you are.

Just do these things and then nobody will have to wonder. Nobody. You know what I mean? Women will say it for you. You know what I mean? Those women that you put on will be like, that dude's cool. And that's how you'll know.

Yeah and then shout out to everyone who went to a no kings protest this weekend. We had the largest turnout officially in the history the US of protests in the history of the US. Seven million people showed up just around and that's not even the final count. And I know that there were lots of like mini protests that probably didn't get counted like in small cities and stuff like that. So great job everybody for turning out and People of color, please stay home still though. That was all, yeah.

Do not go, do not go. are, you know what I mean? This is what needs to be happening. Okay, this is exactly how it should be going. And I was very happy and relieved to see a bunch of, Just mostly white people where I went. You did your part. The 92 % did their part and they get to stay home now. This is how it works. Okay. As a teacher, I can, I'm so behind this.

I'm like, listen, we is, this is like the equivalent of like, you can do your work at recess since you've been slacking off for the past 250 years. How about that? You can, you can now you can do all the work. Mm-hmm. while the other kids go do whatever they want, play at recess or whatever. So, but it's a good sign because I think that I think that's gonna piss him off even more.

The fact that it was, they were so mad about the fact that it was mostly like old white people, you know, and it's like, yeah, I know you're pissed. Yeah. your constituency betraying you. That's white supremacy betraying you. Like there you go. You're gonna really push the white people into a revolution over here pretty soon.

to really say it again, but I'm going to say it again, ladies, black women, stay your ass at home, go to work, go to the spa, take a nap, do cat videos or whatever y'all be doing, like whatever. um Anything but protest. Let's let's keep it up. Yeah, absolutely. Stay home, you deserve to be safe. You did your part, so. just like no kings because he's trying to make himself king. Like he's trying to have unilateral power, he's trying to have no term limits.

So where people were protesting that and it really pissed him off. Like he was definitely like. glued to his socials like posting crazy videos about it. He posted a video of himself in a crown, okay, flying in a jet, dumping literal shit on the protesters. Like it was like an AI video. Yes, it was an AI video that he posted from the official like whatever White House accounts and it was him in an airplane wearing a fucking crown dumping shit.

Yeah. turds on the people and then it showed like people covered in AI like shit terrifying as that is, it's still scary because it's like if he's that angry at the people, there's no telling what else he got up his sleeve now. Ooh. No. And I love all the like right wingers that were like, look at them protesting. that means there's no king if they can still protest like that. You still have your freedom of speech.

And it's like, dude, you guys are That thinking is why we're in the boat we're in right now. That's exactly why we are. That's why y'all are out there protesting right now because that thinking y'all thought that certain things was not gonna happen. I'm so over it. I just can't. it's like your two brain cells are going to be real fucking confused when all this shit comes to pass. You know what I mean? Because he's already sending like the military into cities. Like, who do you think does that?

And why do you think they would do that? Anyways. All right, it's time to uh move on to our main segment. And we're talking all about the spooky emotional vampires. Stick around or

Okay, so let's talk about emotional vampires. Not the kind with the fangs, no. The kind that will drain your peace, your energy, and your will to continue on a conversation with them. They will like literally drive you nuts. my God. I've had to get rid of a lot of emotional vampires in my life, like throughout my life. The last one was like about four years ago or so. That was the last energy vampire. It was a woman and she drove me nuts. just, but so yeah, men and women can drain you.

We're probably gonna focus more on men, but we're gonna talk about both, I guess. It's very important to talk about both because it's the same way that like pick me women support the patriarchy. Male centered women will be an emotional vampire to you because men are emotional vampires and male centered women center men, they give, it's almost like they let men drain them and then they come to you for fresh supply.

Yes. Like they wanna be affirmed, they wanna be validated, they want you to listen to all this, you know, over and over again. We'll get into it. But it's a problem amongst women just as much as it is amongst men, but we'll probably get to that towards the back end. But yeah, let's start off.

We have different like types of emotional vampires that we're gonna cover. And so we'll just go through category by category. As always, add your own in the comments, share your experiences.

we we love reading the stories our comment section right now as of today is full of like those cool girl everyone sharing their cool girl experiences and just validating each other and i'm like listen i love this we've all been there so okay let's go through So the first one is the I've been through so much guy. They basically trauma dump and they use you as an emotional therapist or counselor. They always got some sob story. They have been hurt before, know, all that type of stuff. Yeah, yes.

Every ex is crazy. That's one of, that's a way to spot it. Anytime a man is talking about his ex is crazy. I always say behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way. So I would ask questions like, okay, was she crazy when you got with her? Because if that's the case, that says more about you than her. You stayed with her or what turned her crazy? I would like to know. Cause it sounds like you're turning women crazy.

Like it sounds like you're coming across perfectly normal women and then boom, all of a sudden after being in a relationship with you, they're crazy. Like that's literally how vampires operate. Like they bite you and now you're a vampire. And it would be one thing if they emotionally trauma dumped on you and they also allowed you to do it back, but oftentimes it's never reciprocal. That's a very good point. And that's how you know as an energy vampire.

Here's the thing, people vent, people love to vent. If you guys can equally uh reciprocate that, maybe that's fine if you guys need to do that. But usually with men, they're not gonna allow it. And the way you can tell is that they're not listening. They're listening, you think they're listening, but they're not listening. And you can ask them, uh what did I just say? I do that, I do that a lot. What did I just say? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. said, no, no. And that's how I know.

And once I know a person isn't listening to me, doesn't matter who it is. It could be a sister. It could be a brother. It could be a guy friend. could be once I know that I listen, I'm done. And I shut it down. So it's like, well, you know what, what you about to do? Cause we always joke and say, that's how black people get off the phone. Like, oh, so what you finna do? Cause that's our way of saying, yeah, I'm finna get off the phone. So yeah, just shut it down when it's not reciprocal.

Because with men, I'm telling you, some women too. That is such a huge... dump on you, but you can never do it back. Cause they're always preoccupied or they're distracted. Cause they're not fucking listening to you. And that just means that you can't do it back. so I'm like, look, if we can't share the same energy, I'm done with it. And now like, well, certain people call me, I don't even answer my phone.

I'm just like, eh, all right, no. They're calling us to talk shit and I don't want to hear it. So yeah. Literally, they wanna suck your blood, they wanna suck your energy, your time, your attention, everything. So just don't even give it to them. How about the victim?

How about the guy that's and this is different than the crazy ex guy like this guy's just giving like incompetence and this could be women too of course but it's just giving like my car got towed and you know because I parked it next to here and there was nowhere else to park and it's like well sir you parked in front of a fire hydrant like you have to be better like you have to I don't understand why you want me to feel bad for you like you should be making fun of yourself right now.

You should be like, my dumb ass parked in front of a fire hydrant. But they always have to be the victim. Like they're playing on women's like, I hate to say it, but like mommy complex. Like they want to turn you into their mommy. Like they want you to be like, oh baby, I'm so sorry that happened. Like, you know, they just want to feel that like nurturing.

Yeah. that they probably never really got from their mom or got too much of or like they still live with their mom or something like it's just giving like I want you to see me as a little boy and like you're using guilt to get attention and sympathy and the other thing is like they'll never take responsibilities for their issues like and they're like my wife is terrible and she does this and she says this and that Okay. Well, what do you want anybody to say like leave her?

Leave her, she's so bad. because it's cheaper to keep her. can't leave because then she'll take the, I can't let it's like, okay. So then why are you complaining? Yeah. you don't think it's cheaper for women to stay in horrible marriages? Women leave those every day. The divorce rate is going up. Y'all need to keep up on your side. If you really don't like the women you're with, effing leave.

Do them a favor and leave because you're out here talking to anybody who will listen about this stuff and it's just like, it's annoying at this point. And it just drains you because it makes you feel like you owe them some kind of help or some kind of like therapy or whatever. Like they're always having money issues or their car is always broke down or their house is always like flooding or something. And it's just like, you feel like they're almost, it's all ex.

new tragedy every day, every week, every whatever. And I'm telling you, it's to the point, and you can never, it's like you can never figure it out. And at first you will feel guilty and feel like you gotta do something. You will, because you care, because you're human, right? So you're like, is there anything I can do? After a while that shit gets old, I'm telling you. It gets old and I stop, I'm telling y'all. I stop answering my phone. I just stop responding to text messages.

I'm like, at some point you're gonna get, she's not a safe place anymore. I can't talk to her about anything. Fine. can, and they will try to. God forbid you be a safe place for that kind of person. That there goes the rest of your life. Yeah. They will try to turn it on you like, you know, you're not a good friend or you're not. And it's like, yeah, I guess I'm not. I'm so sorry. Yeah, don't fall for it, y'all. I'm telling you, don't.

be like, I don't have the mental or physical resources to be a good friend to you. Like, I'm sorry. It seems like it takes a lot of effort to be your friend. be your friend. And I have my own stuff to deal with. can't, no. So then we got a narcissist. The narcissist. kind because they're actually very malicious. So for an example, they will turn your wedding speech into a story about them. Yeah, anything, anything. I'm just using, that's just one example. You're having a graduation ceremony.

They will find a way to make it about them, no matter what. And when you see people do that, just know that that's not your friend. It's not your friend, okay? Even if it's a relative, they don't mean you well. They're always trying to make things about that. I can't stand I really I think that's a sign of an energy vampire that you should... The whole point of this is to be able to spot it so that you can avoid it or figure out how to out of it.

em to say, because a lot of people experience this with like their boomer parents. A lot of boomer parents are high key um energy vampires.

And like a lot of women are like, man, I'm just always so exhausted after even like being on the phone with my mom or being just in my mom's presence, because it's constantly it feels like they're just like nitpicking at you and like just, you know, they have like all these problems and you're like my god they're like yeah we just can't decide where to buy our seventh house it's so hard you know it's so hard like do we want a pool or not um you know

we just can't we might have to sell the rv because we want a bigger rv and you know they're just like dumping their rich yeah give a fuck about none of this. I make $25 an hour. Like, I can't even afford, yeah, like what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, they will absolutely do that. I've known plenty of people like that. I can't relate to you in any way, shape or form, but you always call me or come over to talk to me to tell me some shit that don't got nothing to do with anything.

I just don't. What about the drama magnet? yeah, absolutely. Oh you'll never believe what happened at work. This lady totally has it out for me and like I don't know, my gosh I've had personal experience with that. Would not recommend anyone who's always like in the center of some fucking like kerfuffle or drama at work and People are always out to get them, you know what I mean? Like at every job, they always have like a designated like enemy.

They're like, that person like hates me and like da da da. That's a narcissistic energy vampire. They also will typically need like constant admiration and praise. And they will, they'll usually kind of draw you in with that, you know, they'll be like, you're so different. I could never talk to somebody else like this. Like, you're the only one that gets me. Like you really understand me, you know, they try to like kind of flatter you.

And then you'll be like, like that's so nice, you know, and like a normal person will be like, like, guess they really need a friend. And it's like, no, they need a victim, baby. Don't fall for it. They're love bombing you. Yes, exactly. And then you'll notice that that um like compliments and stuff will fade over time. as they don't no longer need to like hook you in, it'll probably even turn into like criticisms.

They'll probably start kind of like, because that's like how they entertain themselves. And they also, like, if there is no drama, if there is nothing going on, they're so used to chaos that they'll create it. Like, they'll come up with something. And it's just like, everything was going fine. It's like you are nitpicking somebody or nitpicking a situation. have, their brains can't function. A lot of guys are like that. They need chaos. They need drama in order to thrive.

So they will literally create it, like, on purpose. It's just, yeah. yes. And male narcissists love to do this in like a corporate environment. This is probably the guy that receives like a lot of promotions without ever seemingly you're like, I don't even know what he does. And he's just constantly getting promoted because he knows how to charm and like manipulate his way up to the top.

And he knows how to have like an orbit of people around him to like cushion his falls because he's going to get into trouble. And then he's going to go to all the people that he charmed and be like, But I'm not like that. Like you have to tell them, you have to stick up for me. You have to like, da, da, da. Listen. And you might not even pick up on any of this until after the fact.

Like you will go home and for some reason you're like, why do I feel drained or why, what's wrong with, I feel like in the dumps. It is because you were around energy vampires. It could be anybody. It could be your boss. It could be your coworker. It could be a sibling. Like you just, and I started picking up on that for me, I would say. Probably in my mid to late 20s, I started noticing like, why am I irritated?

Like, you know, I'm like, I was fine like an hour ago or two hours, like, I just feel irritated. Now one time it was new birth control pills. Cause one time, this was some years back, but I remember one time I was like, I'm just irritated for no reason. And I was like, my God, it's the pills. The moment I stopped taking those pills, done. All the other times, it was literally people. It was somebody, whoever it was. And I'm just like, you know, I really started dreading their calls.

Like I started dreading. And it does feel weird at first to start like ghosting people, but sometimes you gotta ghost people. Some people absolutely deserve to be ghosted. I'm sorry. Yes. simply do not have the space, time or like you'll just find, know, especially as you get older, you're like, and you get your priorities straight and you decenter men.

I was going to say like, this is why the decentering men conversation is so important because not only does uh centering men like the forceful centering of men as a society, like it just leads women to not question themselves like you were saying like you are just used to feeling tired and exhausted all the time because you're just used to that you're you don't question it and it's like once

you start centering yourself and like you you decenter like men male centered women other people that uphold uh Oppressive systems like patriarchy white supremacy, etc. You start decentering those people and you're gonna start centering yourself And then as you center yourself, you're gonna be able to really lock in with your inner person, like your inner sense of things, you know, your inner being.

And then you're gonna be able to track your energy levels, like Sovereign was saying, and you'll be able to understand like, this is why I feel so tired is because they're actually here to drain my energy. But the forceful centering of men in our society, Basically the reason why it's so dangerous is because it makes women think that that's okay. It's okay for people to feed on your energy.

That's how the patriarchy survives in fact is off of women's free emotional physical mental labor, I I used to have a hard time picturing uh what it looked like for somebody to drain your energy and one of the First for those of you who are just wondering what it looks like so picture a kid That's constantly Trying to get attention or they're like picking with someone they're looking for a reaction Mm-hmm. it's like, and once they get the reaction they're looking for, they just walk off happy.

They're like, ha ha, they're satisfied. In the adult form, it's the exact same concept. and it looks so many different ways. They can be complaining about something. They can be talking about, it's making me think for whatever reason right now I'm thinking about the I don't like drama guy. That's another one. They're always looking for a reaction. They hate drama, but they're somehow always in it.

Yeah, it's like there's always, and sometimes it can even be a bully, like somebody who just bullies people and they want, the energy that they're getting from the person that they're bullying is their fear. They want to be feared. So in that case, they see that you're scared and it's making them feel good about themselves for that moment. So that's what it looks like. That's the energy siphoning. It's like it's giving them juice. It's giving them.

Confident maybe false confidence, but it's giving them something they're gaining a Feeling and it makes them want to get up out of bed the next morning and do it again Because without that they don't have any reason to get out of bed They have to and it's so sad because it's like go to therapy, but a lot of people don't go to therapy they This is they resort to this type of shit like they just need somebody free a free person to just to just trauma double on.

yeah, so if you were having a hard time trying to picture like the energy exchange, how a person drains your energy, they just get a high. They get a high from. They're looking for a reaction. What whether it be pity, anger, anything. But the the biggest key to is that they never give you anything back.

That's the biggest thing is like, yeah, sometimes like sovereign said, we don't want to be like, oh, you can't vent with your friends or like you can't have friends that you, you know, the vent with like even but it's it comes it gets to a point, you know. It gets to a point that your real friends, it's like they will be, they will uplift you. People that are not narcissists will typically rarely have like those types of things even happen to them.

Like you guys have to understand like these people are going out of their way to create the drama in their life. Like within my friend circle, I probably have like... 20 people I'm really, really close with. And the reason that I can do that is because none of them are energy vampires. Like every time I leave a hangout, I feel uplifted. I feel energized. I feel like, you know, wow, you know, I can't wait to do that again.

And yeah, you feel like warm and fuzzy on the inside rather than feeling just like, oh, okay, well, I need a drink now. Like I need, you know. And it seriously will lead you to abusing your own. Like that's the other part of it too is like you're gonna feel like you need to kind of balance it out some way. ah Just yeah, when people that make you feel like you need a drink, like definitely think twice about that, about how much you wanna entertain their presence and energy in your life.

Cause that's not how it should be. It's okay to have a drink with your friend. Like again, don't hear me demonizing like having a drink, but. what you mean.

Yeah. having a conversation I had to I had to create boundaries around the trauma dumping so I remember having a conversation with a friend before and um she was like well I just let people vent because sometimes people are just looking to vent sometimes they're not looking for advice or they're not looking for you to for you to talk back sometimes they just want you to listen and so I was like that I'm not that friend Like I'm not that friend.

I'm not the friend that's gonna sit here and like hear you complain about the same thing over and over and you're not doing anything about it. I'm the friend who will give you solutions, who say, well, hey, what are you planning on doing? What are you planning on doing about this? How are you gonna go about changing this? And that has, I'm very solution oriented, very. And that has helped me to set that boundary and cut off. Mm-hmm.

if you don't like me being the friend that gives you advice and you just want to trauma dump, then now you know I'm not the friend to come to.

And it's that simple for me. It's that simple. I'm not the friend. If you want to come to me, I'm the friend that will support you on your graduation day. You need somebody to show up to your graduation to buy you some balloons and get you a gift. Even a baby shower, which I'm not really a fan of baby showers these days, but something like that. I'm that friend. You wanna get over an ex, you wanna fly to Miami, let's go to Miami and go have a blast. I'm that friend. Yes, hit me up.

Until you get there, I'm not, absolutely. Or somebody else who will allow you to trauma dump. Not me, I'm done. It's not normal. But some people really do sometimes, they just wanna vent. And that's fine, you can do that. Yeah. Especially if it's about a man, I'm gonna tell you to dump him. I'm gonna tell you to cheat back. I'm gonna tell you to dump him or I'm gonna tell you to beat him. That's it. Those are the three options. to be honest, that's one of the main cutoffs for me.

That's what made me set the boundary, because it's always about a man. Mm-hmm. And that's one of the reasons why I don't have too many women friends is because they're all male centered. They're all male identified. They're all like dealing with drama. And I'm like, I can't relate. I'm not dealing with any of this. I'm not ever going to deal with any of this. So I don't know what to tell you. The only thing I can tell you is dump them, get you a better man, or be single.

Those are going to always be my only options. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm not going to tell you keep him. I'm not going to say you need to satisfy your man. I'm not going to tell you none of that shit. to you looking for some like magic solution that nobody has ever thought of like, here, you know what? I actually have this like magical pixie dust that you can sprinkle on his pillow and then tomorrow he's gonna wake up a whole different man. Like, no, girl, I don't have that.

I can give you practical application, practical solutions. we can't be doing that. And yeah. trying to hate my advice. Regardless to what you tell me, I'm gonna be like, he's cheating on you. Even if you say, well, you know, he worked late. I'm gonna say he's cheating on you. That's my answer. Even if he's not, that's my answer. I don't know what to tell you. I don't care. I just don't care. I don't care. I'm at my wits end with that. I just can't.

Because like once you're stepping out of like your relationship issues should be solvable in your relationship. I've never had to come to a friend and be like, my gosh, like my husband's doing this and I just don't know what to do. He knows I'll just leave. Like that's the secret. That's the secret. It's the whole secret. my God. Like if we problem should be solvable within the two of you. Oh my god, that is like so simple but so genius. Yes. Like how is it? Oh my god, I love that.

I don't know why that's just music to my ears right now, but it should be solvable. amongst you. If you gotta go outside, you're already in trouble. To me. I just don't think so either. worth it. That's embarrassing. It's very embarrassing. It's like, you should, if you can't solve the issue, then y'all probably don't need to be together. It's that simple. I'm sorry. I don't care how much you love, you know what I'm but people be in love. Are you really in love?

Cause he don't seem like he love you if he's putting you through this. seems like he's draining you and now you're draining me. And now we have this weird like human, human caterpillar, whatever, human centipede going on. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm over it. sister got a saying, she always say, I'm so burnt out on you, dude. I'm so burnt out. my God. It's the funniest shit. And like, that's literally my go-to. I'm burnt out on you. can't, I can't do it. I can't do it anymore.

The women's edition is the drama queen or the pick me. The energy vampire bestie. You remember I was saying in the beginning of the show, they call you every other day to dump their problems. They never ask you how you're doing. They never ask you how you're doing. They just call and say, girl, you will not believe, and it's just like, my God, here we go again. And start keeping track of that. If you're wondering like, is my bestie an energy vampire? Just keep track of, yeah, how many times?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. and just put, okay, she called today at three o'clock. Did she ask me how I was doing? No, she didn't. Next week, she didn't. know any details about my job? Like have they ever been curious enough to ask me? Because you, chances are you probably know the name of every one of their coworkers, every one of the men that they're dealing with, all their family members, and chances are they don't know jack shit.

Yeah, and chances are they don't know jack shit of the same things about you. Like if you were to ask them like what's my brother's name? They wanna know what's my boss's name? Like what's my job title? They don't know. It's the same as a man. You know what I mean? Like don't overlook that in a best friend because then you're gonna be liable to get into a relationship like that too. That's so true. That's so true. Yeah. does never ask you any questions about himself.

I was just gonna say, I remember I had a friend, the same one I was talking about earlier. She got mad at me one time because she said, she always told me all her business. She would just tell me stuff, certain stuff. She never told me everything, but certain things that she just told me about her husband or whatever. And one day she was like, sometimes I don't feel like you're my real friend. And I was like, why? And she was like, because she said, because you don't ever tell me anything.

I tell you everything and you never tell me about your life. And I was like, well, for starters, I don't really have anything to tell. Like the drama that you're dealing with, I'm not married. I'm not, I don't know what it's like to need to try to keep a marriage together. I can't relate. I don't know. Cause if it was me, I'll just dump, you know, somebody not coming home at night or they're doing all this. I'm just not going to be with them. So there's nothing for me to tell.

Cause I wouldn't be in your situation. I was trying to be funny when I said that, but I just, that was the first thing. Yeah. I don't know what you want me to say. That was the first thing. The second one, and I told her, and I was like, at this point, I uh was about ready for our friendship to be done anyway. And so I was like, the second thing was, I've watched you over the last x amount of years that we've been friends.

I've watched you when you fall out with people, the first thing you do is tell their business. And I was like, I already know what you would do if me and you ever fell out. And I don't ever assume that I'm not gonna fall out with my friends. You hope that you won't, but I've seen enough life where people will fall out with you for the craziest reasons. And you know what I mean? There's nothing you can do about it. One day y'all are friends and next, what did Gloria say? I can't remember.

She said. y'all friends today and then they hate you tomorrow. something, it was a song tomorrow. I can't remember the lyrics, but it was bars. I'm like, yeah, we friends today, you love me today and then tomorrow you could be like, be my worst enemy. So I knew basically if a person is willing to come to you and tell you all somebody's business, they will absolutely do the exact same thing to you. And I used to test people. I would test people.

would, they would be like, oh, I'm not going to tell you something. oh I wasn't supposed to tell you something, but I'm tell you so you can't tell anybody. But no, nevermind, I'm not gonna tell you. I would, I would, like, no, tell me. No, tell me. And if I can get you to tell me, I know I can't tell you shit. Now I know I can, tell me, go ahead. But now I know I can't tell you anything because that's all anybody gotta do about my business is try to get you to tell.

So it's just little things like that. Absolutely. at keeping people's business like their business. Like because then it's just such a yeah it's such an uncool thing to do. We should be sharing more details about men about how men will do us wrong. We're over here like yeah well I've that they blew up. No seriously because men won't let us have. That's what I'm saying. That's the real danger. Mm-hmm.

things that men won't let us have, those are the really, you know, things we need to be blowing up. But hey, what do we know? ended up not being friends too much longer out there, because she felt some kind of way. But I was like, well, I already saw what you do to people, so why would I tell you anything? And so that's kind of, that was like the beginning of the end of our friendship. I haven't talked to her since. This had to be in like 21 or something like that.

Yeah, so I'm just like, eh, whatever. glad you gave her the business. I'm glad that she at least, you know, yeah. I think I told you about her. Did I tell you about the friend that I had that she would like go out to the club and hang out with me on the weekend on Saturday and then on Sunday she would go to church and they'd be like, oh, this is not the way to go to heaven. I can't hang out with you. And she would do this every few months. And I blew it off. Yeah. And I blew it off for a while.

And I finally like reached my way. It was almost like she was blaming me. Like I was a bad influence. And I'm like, we're growing as fuck. energy vampires. Yeah, it's another form of it because they blame you for their decisions. Like they'll be like, oh, they'll find people with like a different like lifestyle or whatever. And then they'll like use that as an excuse. Like this is very common in like Christian circles, you know, and like among white women too.

It's amazing how we were friends for so long. We didn't have problems for a long time. And then suddenly, I think maybe because she started going through stuff with her husband. I don't know when the turning point was, but it was just weird. And I remember telling her, I was like, y'all are probably going to end up, he probably doesn't want to be with you anymore. And she got really mad at me. they never want to hear that. to find out he divorced her. So, I mean, you I was right.

Because the stuff she was telling me, I'm just like, it doesn't sound like he wants to work this out. Yeah, but she was in it. my God. That was the last energy vampire friend that I had in the last four years. So, yeah, I'm pretty much done with that. The moment I can see signs, it does. Like, do you know? my God. can. going to a whole thing, but it feels good when you finally divorce yourself from people like that. once you get used to not dealing with it, you can't go back.

You literally cannot go back. It's easy to just be like from a mile away. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. OK, let me give you guys a couple more types of people you can and should do that with. All right. Learn to spot them from afar. So there's the fixer slash savior. This one may not seem like an energy vampire at first because they come in under the pretense of Let me do this for you. Let me, you know, em this is a type of covert narcissism, if you are familiar with like terms about that.

But this is the person that will try to weasel their way into your life by being overly helpful, by being overly accommodating. And then they'll make you feel, they'll pull the rug out from under you and they'll be like, why? But I do everything for you. You know, the one time you can't come through for them, you know. my god. Yes. like the one time you can't come through for them.

They're like, but I do everything for you and and I did this and I did that and how dare you like all that kind of stuff. They will also love to like overstep boundaries in the guise of helping like all of a sudden they want a key to your house. but it's so can stop by and do that thing for you in the backyard or like leave your door unlocked or like whatever. And now next thing you know, you have no. safety in your own home.

Like you have no, but yes, but a lot of people would, but a lot of people would. And that's what I'm saying is like, they will resent you too when you try to be independent. Like they'll resent you if you're like, well anyways, I'm going on like a road trip or whatever. Like they'll all of a sudden get very like, wait, where are you going? You didn't tell me about this. Who are you going to be with? Like I didn't know.

And this is, yeah, this is something that commonly like men do, but this is also something that's like the single white female kind of thing, like where you're basically just so insecure, you need to like hold onto a friendship, like uh it's a relationship. And then you get like jealous and insecure and controlling, and it's just like, yeah. Another. emotional vampire type is the uh the devil's advocate.

guys the devil does not need advocates um the the whole you know well okay but when you do it it's sometimes it sounds controversial at first but i've learned to just let you finish speaking because like it always lands like you just gotta let let sovereign land the plane okay because there's sometimes there's like actual things but what i'm talking about is the like

the person who's like two in the weeds, know, they're missing the forest for a tree, you know, they're like, well, actually, this statistic is wrong. And it's like, okay, but how wrong is it? well, you had it off by like 2%. Like, shut the fuck up. Like, this is crazy. They turn every conversation into a fucking debate where you have to now defend your point. And they're like, well, actually, I heard this. And it's like, okay, well, I don't, you know, like it gets to a point. Like it's fun.

The exception to the rule people. They're the main, my God, I fucking, right, I can't stand that. and they always need to be right. Like even if they're publicly called out for being wrong, well, uh you know, next time you see them, they're gonna be like, well, you know that thing that you said I was wrong about? Well, I'm actually not wrong. found, I did my research and I found more evidence. You can find anything on the internet, man.

I don't know why it just made me think of that public offender live with the guy who he said looked like Flavor Flav. They don't got nothing to do with what we talking about. I don't know, you just said that because he be always talking about the guy's circular arguments, whatever. It just made me think of that particular live and my God, the way he went off on public because he, I don't know, it was just funny. That whole thing was so funny. are so entertaining.

Like, I don't know how he does it, but it's a fucking pleasure to watch. I do see him going in sometimes. Yeah. on YouTube and TikTok, cause he's like fantastic. I love way he breaks stuff down. I think he talked about energy vampires before, a little while ago. Go search his YouTube channel, like for real. Just anything you wanna know. Like the man is a content machine. He's probably got a video for everything and they're all good.

Like I actually have never seen like a video that I'm like, uh it's entertaining and he's always like, he gets it. Like he hits the mark, you know? um it is, yeah, this is a terrible person to be around. Like the intellectual vampire.

energy vampire they just want to drain your mental energy this was such a thing in the church like this is every church man every especially like white reformed like protestant men my god it's like literally they get off on this like they all get into like these groups and then they just sit there quoting like theology at each other and it's like so draining it's like well what do you think about this well ch spurgeon says like oh my god are notorious for draining women's energy in particular.

They're notorious because that's what you're supposed to do. They don't even say thank you because that's what you're supposed to do. You're working for God. They will drain all of your mental energy, your physical energy, your emotional energy, your financial energy, every type of energy. Yes. Yes. And you do it for free, literally.

and you set up the chairs and you set up the food and you make the coffee and then you're like an emotional like support for everybody and you create a safe atmosphere and meanwhile the men are literally out here like harassing children sexually so don't forget, as a woman, you're not even supposed to be a leader. They will use all your energy for everything for free, but you can't get up and speak. You can't be a preacher, you can't be a minister, you can't...

No. I'm so glad more and more women are leaving the church. They just siphon all of your energy. That's one of the main reasons why I stopped going. One of the main reasons. I stopped going for a lot of reasons, but you're not gonna take my energy. You're not finna... Don't volunteer me. to lead the fucking Sunday school oh after program or whatever. No, they used to volunteer me. You didn't even ask me first. No, I don't let nobody take my energy. I just don't. I can't, no. It becomes easier.

very firm about, because I was a teacher and they kept trying to get me into children's ministry and I was like, no. Hell no, I'm not gonna be a teacher six days out of the fucking week. It's already hard enough to do it for five days out of the week and I volunteer my time like otherwise too. Like I do plenty for the children. my God, it was so bad. It's terrible, especially when you're young. And then at the same time, they'll be like, but when are you having kids?

And it's like never so I can serve the church right? And they're like mmmm Oh my God, that's a good one though. Serve the church. Know what I'm saying? Saying that. Saying that. No, I'm supposed to because Jesus Christ was child free. Jesus Christ wouldn't have been able to do everything he did. Exactly. They hate that. when you tell them Jesus Christ is child free, oh wow. Like, they lose their shit. I gotta be more like Christ, right? Yeah. Don't they say be Christ-like?

Well, I'm being like Christ. What's the problem? Oh my God, for sure. Okay, I have one more. I don't know if you have any more, but uh I got, okay. How about the man child? God, the man baby, the king baby. Shout out to Mel Hamlett, the king baby. But yeah, the man babies, the king babies are the absolute worst. Their biggest catchphrase is, but you do it so much better. Oh my God. These people will drain you. competence, by the way.

If a man ever says you do it better, that's weaponizing competence. I don't give a damn. No, I don't care what it is. Even if it's changing diapers, you learn how to change a diaper. I don't care. No, because men will act like I never did it before, so I don't know what then do it. And then you won't be able to say you didn't do it before. Facts. yeah, you'll learn real quick. Also like, uh it's so disgusting. Just like, know, the kind of man you have to like fill out his job application.

God, I've been there done that. Don't ever do that, ladies. I'm old enough to look back at that and cringe because it's like this. You were a loser and I was trying to cover up your loser uh ways. Yeah, I was trying to help you. Ladies, don't do that shit. No. And at the time you really think, you know, I got your back, I'm helping you. I know you don't really understand. how to put periods and um commas and you didn't, you didn't learn this stuff. You didn't pay attention in English class.

I'll help you. I'm not doing that no more. Like those days are over. Ladies, don't do that shit. It's okay to help somebody every now and then with something small, but not shit like that. Like I'm gonna do your resume for you. I'm gonna do like, no, absolutely not. No. No, seriously charge him for it. If he wants, if he needs your help to do it, look up the going rates for people that do that. Yup. Tutoring. Stop. Not tutoring. Yeah. No, seriously.

It just starts to feel like you're their parent, you know, it starts to feel like you're their caretaker and you're like, wait, what am I doing here? And you feel drained because again, when you're a parent, it's kind of normal to feel drained because your kids need you. They need your help. They need this. Why a lot of us are choosing not to have kids because kids are by nature, like it's going to be draining because you're giving of yourself to do things that somebody doesn't know how to do.

They don't have the literal brain capacity. And I've been a teacher and it's very draining. Like at the end of the day, you're very ready to go home. You're done. And you know, and I used to love my job. I seriously like, I still miss it sometimes. I'll never work that hard again ever in my life. Seriously. Like that's just the thing. I don't think I could. Like I don't think any job is harder than that.

I, well, I think even if I wanted to make another job as hard as teaching was, it just wouldn't be. Like there's just nothing that quite compares to it. Do you know what I mean? Just feeling so responsible for so many little kids that anything could happen to at any point is crazy. Like it's stressful. So I understand, but you should not feel that way about your man or like your husband or like your male friend or your female friend.

Like if somebody needs you to do basic things for them, you know, they're like, yeah, you know, if you're not around, I just eat Taco Bell. I just have to get takeout because I don't know how to cook. I don't even have a pot to piss in or whatever. Don't that type of stuff just dry you right up? I would be, I just wouldn't even be attracted to you sexually. And man be wondering why she just don't wanna sleep with me anymore. It's probably because you're a man baby. You're a king baby.

You're childish. I've become your mother. I literally don't feel any sexual attraction to you, sir. I'm like your mom. How are you even attracted to me? You know what I mean? When I'm doing all No. I know. Oh, God. nother thing. Because there are so many ways that men will just drain you like in every kind of way they will.

There's there's stuff we don't have time to even go over because I just got the wrap up signal. But it's like men will gaslight you. Okay. Men will make you feel like you're not good enough. Right.

Nagging is another one of those things that is it's like a vampire emotional vampire you look good today uh like what like are you surprised you know like that's unusual oh are you dressed up or something did you actually do your makeup today oh i like that dress better than the dress you wore last week like they can't just give you a compliment you know they have to like poke at you get some kind of reaction out of you they're draining you Yeah, that's annoying. It's just annoying.

You just feel annoyed after talking to them. That's how you know they've drained you. If you feel like, what the fuck was that? They drained you. you have never been able to have like a perspective in that conversation, like they always gaslight you or argue it into the ground or just um invalidate. Yes, they're siphoning your energy. So please, like we said, please be careful. They can also like kind of switch.

places, you know, like sometimes somebody who is a victim will turn into a gaslighter, you know, or the the narcissist will turn into a jealous controller type. uh This is all interchangeable because the main goal, the point is to siphon your energy for them to feel like they have an effect on you, just like sovereign said, like they just want your reaction. So Get good at drawing those boundaries. Get good at spotting those people from across the room and just stay in the fuck away from them.

The best thing to do is usually to gray rock these people. The reason it's called gray rocking is because you can't get nothing out of a rock. I mean, you could stand there in front of a rock all day. You suck. You're ugly. You're a piece of shit. You don't look good in that dress and the rock doesn't care. Like they have no reaction to give you. You can't siphon anything out of a rock. Yeah, I know that they use that, they say do that to a narcissist in particular. Great rocking a nerd.

Yeah. Well, yeah, they are. I would say. right? It's some kind of like a validation thing that people need. It's like an ego thing, right? Like. It's sad. know. It's very sad. Yeah. Cause like ultimately you're just like...

They're trying to use you because they don't feel like they're enough Yeah, you can't Mmm bars Bars Okay, I think on that note we are ready to wrap this up actually I hope y'all enjoyed that like we said, Leave your experiences in the comments if you have any more to add Feel like we covered it pretty comprehensively, but I, you know, I stand corrected all the time. yeah. yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. All right, well, we'll be right back with our mail back. Mm-hmm.

All right, time to reach into our mailbag and we have quite the question today. So just get right into it. All right, and this one we got all the way from France. Hey girlies, I love your podcast. I re-listen to your episodes all the time, especially porn addiction and men and pick me friends. They are so informative, I think. Thank you, queen, we love you back.

My question to you is, uh I remember when I got in a relationship with my ex, I told him about the fact that my previous ex cheated on me and that was why I left. my question to you is, I remember when I got in a relationship with my ex, I told him about the fact that my previous ex cheated on me and that was why I left. Only for him to cheat on me too and then act shocked when I left him too. Like sir, you were warned that I don't stand for lying and cheating, but I see this everywhere.

Women opening up about their past traumas to their partners only for them to re-traumatize them. and or do worse and I just don't understand why. I would love to know what do y'all think about it. Thank you so much for the work you're doing. Love from France. Sovereign, you've got this. But first of all, never tell a man your past traumas, especially if you are doing so because you think it's going to make them be like, he hurt you.

I would never do that to you because that's not how most men think. There are a few men, there's just Ryan and maybe three other guys that won't do that. The vast majority of, I mess with our producer. The vast majority, I'm going to say vast majority. I'm going to say there's a lot of men out there that will just use what you tell them against you. Because a lot of times men are just looking for, they're trying to figure out what they can get away with.

And if you tell a man, I left a man for cheating on me. There are a lot of them that will test you to see if they can get away with it. Cause they don't really care about you to begin with. A lot of times they're just trying to gain something from you. That's why it was probably easy for him to cheat on you. He was going to cheat on you anyway, probably whether you told him that or not. But telling him, no, seriously, I'm not trying to be funny. What I'm saying is, no, stop.

I'm not trying to be funny. I'm saying if a man is, if a man's a cheater, he's going to cheat regardless. It doesn't matter what kind of woman you are. It doesn't matter if you're a good woman, a bad woman. That's who he is. It's his character flaw. Mm-hmm. telling them, men are like, well, she probably won't cheat on me. I mean, she probably won't leave me if I cheat. They will literally test you out just to see because they never cared in the first place. Mm-hmm.

But there are also men who, when you tell them what a man did, they're gonna do it on purpose just to see what they can get away with. And their mindset is, well, you let him do it, so why can't I do it? And it's so, yeah, it's so childish. A lot of us women are like, but that's so stupid. Like, why would you do this? This just how a lot of them think they are. They're thinking it's so f'd up. They're always trying to get a one up. They're always trying to challenge something.

You know, everything is a challenge to them. They don't really. I don't know how else to say other than most men really don't take women seriously. They're just like trying to gain something from you. They don't really care. They'll just move on ah from, you know, in their mind, women are interchangeable. So it's easy for them to just screw you over and move on to the next because in their minds, there's always gonna be another woman.

So your best bet, and I remember Shira Savin saying something similar to this before. She said, oh never tell them your traumas. Pretend like even if you have never been done right, say my last boyfriend treated me like a queen. She said something along those lines. Even if you were dogged out, just tell them my last boyfriend. because they're either gonna rise to the occasion or they're not. And either way you got your answer.

So they're either going to treat you like, try to treat you like a queen, or they're gonna try to play you and either way you can walk away because he's clearly showing you that he doesn't care about how the other guy treated you unless they're in competition with that other guy. he did this to you? Let's see if I can do that to you. Let's see if I can do a times 10. It's so gross. But if you wonder why men do that, that's why they really don't care. They don't take you seriously.

And it's unfortunate for you to find that out that way. But this is why I say, decenter men. If you just decenter men automatically before you even get into a relationship, chances are you probably wouldn't even want to get in one if you really decentered them. But if you do, you kind of already see a lot of this coming. And it won't be hard for you to just walk away once they show you their true colors, which... They always do at some point. it's like. always do. It's so true.

And it's because men can expect women to to give them something like that's the only reason that they're not. That's why I always ask like, what is he doing for you? I know what you're doing for him. I know why you like him, but why does he like you? What does bring into the table in the sense of like making your life easier or better or more fun?

or anything like that because a lot of times y'all will be sharing your deepest darkest secrets with people who made you go 50-50 on like a dinner date. Like why are you doing that in the first place? And you know another thing, definitely, I feel like a respectful man will earn this information if you ever wanna give it to him. Never tell this man this early into the relationship either.

Because what it's really doing is, remember how we always say, don't, when a man asks you what do you look for in a man, you're never supposed to tell him. Like you're supposed to just say, I'll let you know if I see it. You're never supposed to tell him. that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

you look for in a man because they're just gonna play on that Oh, she wants a man who's kind and who opens the door I'll just open her door until I until I get her body and then yeah, so you're really giving them the blueprint on how to Manipulate your emotions. That's that's really what you're doing when you tell them all he did this to me Okay, I just won't do that for three months until I get what I or how you know There is all a playbook to them at the end of the day.

You have to know that most of them are looking to play a game and you're just giving them the cheat code by telling them, please, for as long as you can, for as long as you can, don't think telling, I used to work with a girl who did that. She was like, she sat there and she was like, I told him that I was hurt before. I told him that I can't take another heartbreak and I was looking at her like, girl, that man don't give a damn.

rookie mistake As you can see, he's like literally doing everything to you that the other, yeah, I had to distance myself from her too because she was one of those people that was like dormant and I just couldn't be friends with her anymore. I love her to death, but I had to distance myself. Cause no matter what I told her, she just didn't listen. She kept wondering why she kept getting the same results. So do not, it is, it is, it is. your insanity off on me and I can't, I feel crazy.

I feel like I'm reliving, it's like Groundhog's Day or whatever. Like I'm just waking up every day and it's like the same exact thing. You keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Like that cannot be happening. Gaslight, Girlboss, Gatekeep. That's your playbook, all right? You look out for yourself. That's the girlboss. You Gaslight, you never tell them the truth, all right? Because men are not telling you the truth. Another Sheerah7 gem. How do you know if a man is lying?

His lips are moving. Literally, I always say that to him. my God. And then gatekeep all of your information. Like not only should you be lying to them about, no, everyone actually treated me like a princess. Why do you ask? Why do you ask? Were you expecting a different answer? Were you expecting me to like tell you all my troubles and like lay myself out in front of you with all my vulnerabilities? No, I'm not going to do that. Um, and then yeah, gatekeep, gatekeep the real information.

even like where you live, even like who your friends are, like whatever, until it's been long enough that you can actually trust them. Because if you don't give them these three things, you know, if you never stop looking out for yourself, you are not like overly truthful with them and you're withholding the right kind of information and they're still there for you, you know?

then you know eventually you can and they're they're they'll understand again if they're a good guy they'll understand that other if they're a good guy they will hate other men too that's what i've learned is they'll be like yeah i totally get why you had to do that i get it sorry that you had to do that like if you didn't, if a man cheated on you, if you finally get to the point where you told them you was cheated on before, like let's say two years in or whatever.

And you didn't leave right away, I would lie. I would say, oh, when he cheated on me, I was done with him. Because if you don't, they're going to feel like they can get I'm telling you, they're going to be looking at what they can get away with. I just so here's a. The takeaway from this is when you're dating men... date like you are doing the choosing, not I'm hoping to be chosen. That's the biggest takeaway.

A lot of women date hoping to be chosen and they withhold information or they share too much information thinking it's gonna make them seem honest and vulnerable and all. No, he's there to impress you. Never forget that. Like he's there to, chances are he asks you out on a date. Chances are he's the one who wants to get to know you allegedly. He has to prove himself to you.

If you go into it thinking you gotta be submissive and you gotta show him that you're worthy and whatever, you're gonna lose. You've already lost if you have that mindset. Yeah, if you had that mindset going on a day, you've already lost. You're there so that he can impress you at all times. Point blank period. It's gonna be hard for some women to get that in their mind and start doing that. it's a two way street. We're supposed to begin to know each other. No, ma'am.

No. being prepped to be a good prey to energy vampires. Circling, full circle. You know what I mean? That's you, that's the patriarchy prepping you to give of yourself so that a man can live. You're literally, yeah, you're literally giving him your neck. no, that too. you're the firewood to stoke the flames of a man's freaking success, like life, everything. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Oh, you know what else I just watched? Vampire in Brooklyn. And how did he get her? Did you like it?

I haven't seen that movie in so long. Andrew was such a baddie. m Mm-hmm. crazy. I was like distracted the whole time. yeah. my God. Yeah. Like I said, I've been watching the wrong nineties, nineties films. Yeah. I've been watching all the wrong shit. And you know what sucks too is like, I was like trying to look all of them up. None of them are available on streaming services. There was maybe like three and like you have to pay to rent them.

And I will, of course, but I was like, let me watch the free ones first. And I had to go all the way down the list. and Vampire in Brooklyn was one of them. um And I'm so glad that she still, oh, she got him. Like that was so satisfying. But yeah, that should be, I was gonna say that should be our recommendation. I'll recommend it to you. To watch it. know you're like, yeah. It's a fun watch. It's like, it's exactly what a vampire movie should be. Like they're not overthinking it, you know?

They were just like. I love vampire movies. I just like that type of stuff. Yeah. really went like fully into it so it's a classic. we did a Mary Fuck Mary Kill with the Sesame Street? And I was like, I have a thing for vampires. I don't know. I was like, I'll choose the count. That's so funny. Yeah, but I love vampire movies and stuff. don't know why. like, it's not gonna be fun to be a part of that. It is my month. My birthday's coming up on Saturday. uh I know. Happy early birthday.

Yep. Yep. asked me today, why was I looking forward to getting older? He was like, are you looking, he said, are you afraid? I was like, afraid of what? He was like, 41. I said, no, why the fuck would I be afraid of turning 41? And I told him, like I tell everybody else, you're either going to get older or you're going to die young. Those are your only two choices. Which one do you want? I want to get older. I want to get older. Yeah. And it's like, you're projecting man. I don't care.

why are you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's good like when men ask you these questions, be like, why are you scared of getting older? cause that's what they mean. Like, yeah, yeah, cause that's what they mean. They mean like why I'm scared, why aren't you? you not, yeah. That's exactly, they're always projecting, aren't they? you know, pull a little therapist card out on them, but like in a malicious way. look forward to that.

I don't know what the like who wants to die young like what the fuck Every old woman, you know what I mean, that's like decentered men and like has found her own groove in life, thriving, dude. Like you never see them, you know, they have friends, they have pets, they have family, they have money. Why would I be scared of that? Why would I be scared of that? That's what I'm saying. Why would I be scared of that?

And it sucks because a lot of these women were like, I had hoped to get married and have kids, but my standards obviously were too high. And it's like... not lowering my standards at the end of the day. It's not that serious for me to lower my standards. It's not that deep. Yeah, I love her. I'm thinking of Tracee Ellis where I was like, that's gonna be me. Yep. absolutely. Well, yes. Yes. Yeah. Happy Scorpio season, everyone. Today is officially, tomorrow is officially the day.

Yeah. no, no, Wait, tomorrow is the 21st. I think it's the 20th. Is it the 21st or the 22nd? I think it's the 22nd. I thought it was the 21st that it switches over uh We were both wrong. I knew it was one of them. I knew it was closer to my birthday. ah it usually happens from October 22nd or 23rd to November 21st, 22nd. My dad's a Scorpio. My best friend's a Scorpio. I'm always. different from women Scorpios sometimes. Sometimes they're like, oh. Really?

Yeah, because I think of, because I think of Future and I think of P. Diddy and I think Leonardo DiCaprio. Like they're all very diabolical. Yeah, I think Drake. Yeah, it's like. uh is definitely a Scorpio, and that's actually how I know what men are Scorpios. If they love Drake, they always love Drake. A male Scorpio will always love Drake. fucking annoying. um But the women Scorpios are wonderful. Gabrielle Union, Ciara, Monica, Julia Roberts. There's a lot. There's a lot of us.

We're just out here. Yeah, I think she, yeah. There's quite a few of us actually. I can't think of everybody right now, but. they're all bad. Amazing. Mm-hmm. Oh, absolutely. It's a, it's a, it's a water, it's a water sign thing, actually. Like men, men, water signs suck because, you know, listen to the way that people talk about water signs. It's always misogynistic. y'all be crying. Like. You know, like you're so emotional. You're so this and like men don't know what to do with that.

So they become diabolical with it. They're manipulative. They use the dark side of it. Yeah. I'm telling you. A Pisces man. That's why people hate Pisces and a Cancer man. Exactly. Cancer women are pretty awesome. Yeah. Erica Boddew famously a triple Pisces. Yep. Yeah. Erica, what is Erica Badu? Oh, Erica Badu is a, okay. Yeah. There's a few of them that I'm like, yeah, I like Pisces women and I like, I like Libra women too. absolutely. Top tier. very close to being a Scorpio to me. don't know.

hmm. Top tier. Oh my gosh. We need to have like a whole segment. Yeah. Oh, that would be fun. All right.

All right. Let me read you all the poll results from last week. So this was from the episode that we did with Public on the performance of masculinity. And the question was, when men put on the performance of masculinity, I feel blank. And the options were A, on edge, like I have to protect myself. B, exhausted, it always causes tension. C, disheartened. It's changed how I view men or D, detached. I don't take it seriously anymore. What's yours?

I'm gonna have to go with D. Like I'm just like, yeah, whatever. out ladies. We are definitely becoming detached from the concept of like divine masculinity and like masculine men. I love that for us. It's gross, man. Like if I have to go to work too and I gotta like, I mean even not like just have to go to work too. Like all the shit women have to do is like way more masculine anyway. I agree. every month. What man does that? Oh, cry, cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so.

There would be an abortion clinic at every gas station. That's what I think. That's what I think. Plan B would be free and uh easily available. Yeah, yeah. They would, yeah. No, seriously. They would demand prenups. They would demand, they would be the biggest gold diggers ever. Yep, they wouldn't let a broke woman come near them with a 60 foot pole, you know? wouldn't, and this is why I wish women would stop giving men a chance when they won't do it for you.

Like a lot of them would not do it for you. Like fuck that. Or cheating. If you cheat on them, you are such a slut. Yeah, it's like you're a whore and I don't even want to look at you anymore. child. I tore my body up for you and then you cheated on me. You're gonna die. That's exactly where they would go. They do that anyway, honestly. They do that anyway. And on that note, God. Oh my God. Yeah, okay, so let's do some fun uh recommendations for spooky season.

Mine is definitely watch Vampire in Brooklyn. That's just a fun, that's just a fun watch. I don't just watched it for the first time. Highly recommend. Have fun with it. Don't take it too serious. It's just a fun, just a make me want to go Starbucks watching vampire diaries or what's the other one? um Damn it. True blood. Is it true blood? I feel like it was a different one too. Was it another one? Vampire Diaries. true blood on HBO. There's Buffy the vampire slayer. Not that one.

I feel like it was something else. Another show. Is that the one with Bella and, which one is that one? With the alpha male wolf or whatever, guy that was an alpha male that was her best friend? Twilight. That's what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about Twilight. Yes. Yes. I like vampire diaries too, but Twilight is what I'm thinking about. Cause I'm like, wait, what? She had a best friend that was a wolf and whatever. I, for some reason I- didn't finish that, I don't know why.

Wasn't it like three movies? Wasn't it three of them? It was five? God, God, I didn't even know. baby? You didn't get to see the CGI child? No? Okay. You're in for a treat. Yeah. OK. So that is five. Five movies. So maybe I did go further than I thought. It's been a while, it's been a couple years. So maybe I just need to. for free on something. Netflix maybe? Hulu. Yeah. I want to start all over now because yeah. gotta, my god, you that's good. Another one is Adam's family values. I love that.

Not technically a vampire one, but that shit is funny. And you gotta love that uh Gomez, Morticia type relationship. okay, I got this. May that kind of love find you ladies. That's all I gotta say. yeah, he loves her. He adores her. He calls her Katamia. But yeah, check it out and we will be back next week with a topic to be determined. check in, we'll be as surprised as you are. um And until then, have a good week. Happy Halloween. Bye y'all. Is it not