Being Hot & Having Fun w/Amber Akilla

Welcome to the Audacity, the show where we give women microphones for once. Welcome, ladies. I am here with my co-host. My name is Lisa and we've got Sovereign and Gwen in the house. Welcome, ladies. I'm so I'm so excited about our show today. We have an amazing guest to share with our audience. Her name is Amber Akilla and she is going to talk to us all about being hot and having fun. That is something that she coined that I'm very excited. I asked her specifically to talk about this.

So please don't worry. We will address all the Everything around it. um I know it's kind of an interesting concept, but I cannot wait to dig into it. And Amber's amazing. Y'all should follow her everywhere. She will definitely be one of our recommendations at the end of the show. We also have an awesome mailbag all about consent and like politeness expectations of women that I'm really excited to dig into as well. We have just a lot of good material for the show today.

then in the crumpet segment, which is also now available on YouTube, you can sign up for $10 a month and you'll get all of the crumpet segments that we do. It's a little after show kind of extra unhinged little segment that we do. And today we will be talking in the crumpet segment about whether it is possible to separate the art from the artist. A and I know that we some of us disagree on it. So I'm very excited to get into that.

And yeah, in tea time today, we also have stuff from Judge Judy, some good life advice from her. we're going to talk about how men are ruining nightlife and Sierra giving future junior Russell Wilson's last name. I know that's sovereigns team. I'm excited to get into that. And then if we have time, we'll talk about Drew Skis latest stunt, which I thought was very, very funny. please make sure you join the Patreon sovereign. You want to give him the spiel?

Yes, if you haven't already, make sure you become a Patreon VIP member. You get things like early ad-free episodes. You get shout-outs, VIP chats that you can be a part of. And you have access to our crumpet segment, where we all become unhinged for a few minutes at the end of the show. And you also get voting power on some of the episodes that we roll out. So it's really fun over there. They feel like it's a really good community for women. just us so far, knock on wood. Yeah, yeah.

You know how sometimes there's always some guy trying to sneak in, but we always shut it down. Yeah, yeah. Yes, so it's a very safe space, so you guys will absolutely enjoy it. Yeah, thanks sovereign. All right, well, let's get to our tea time. I am so excited about some of the segments that we have here. We're doing them kind of rapid fire, which I love.

let's get into it.

don't we start with the Judge Judy one? I feel a good one given that there's been a lot of conversation regarding 50-50 feminism.

And just, uh, and like the fact that people assume that unless you're going 50-50 that the woman is not working. And so I just wanted to, you know, if y'all don't want to take it from us, maybe you'll listen to the Judge Judy because she's an icon. Let's hear what she has to say. Thanks. my god.

absolutely she didn't miss on a single thing and i left that part in in the beginning where amy puller asks judge judy how did it feel being one of the few and what she means by that for any of our young listeners who may not be aware of like what she might mean by that she means one of the few women working publicly because Judge Judy is quite a few years old now, but she came from a time, like she was coming up in a time that so many women were not working that she was seen as an exception.

She was seen as one of the few. And so everything that she is saying is coming kind of from that. So she has seen it with her own eyes exactly the detriment of this tradwife mentality of this whole provider man mentality. Whether or not a man is paying all the bills or not, you should still have your own job always. we always say that on the podcast, like whether you're, you know, a mother, like you should always have some way of making an income.

If not something you can just like pick up really quickly, really easily. If it's not that, then you you need to keep building your Work history. I mean, I don't know. What do you ladies think? Would you ever like quit your job and let a man pay all the bills? Right? Neither. job because I got so much money in the bank that I could just chill and do nothing. And then even then you still are going to pay the bills. So I'm just saying.

But Judge Judy had a book called Beauty Fades Dumbest Forever and it came out in 1999. So I had to be like 15, I think. And I bought that book when I was 16 or 17. Good for you. I had it for so long and she has always said this. I tell everybody, if y'all don't got that book, it did come out in 1999, but I promise you, if you were to read it now, it's all still relevant. And she has the exact same thought process as far as women needing to always have their own income.

And that's one of the main places that I learned that, because I watched it in my family too. But hearing it come from somebody like her, I was like, oh wow. I was so inspired. don't know, y'all don't know, but I love Judge Judy. I'm like so mad. The same way I liked, Betty White. That was somebody I wish, that's somebody I wish I could have met before, like before she died or whatever.

But yes. So yeah, Judge Judy has always had the same, you know, mindset towards women and I really hope women listen. Mm-hmm. the young ladies. Go ahead. Judy has always had such an aura. I could always feel it from three channels away when you were flipping channels as a kid. I was like, ooh, I know Judge Judy on right now. Especially when you took a day off from school and you were sick and it would be some of only things you could watch.

And I just always loved how she just commanded a lot of respect for herself as a woman. Because like you said, she would be the only female judge I ever saw, ever, ever. so watching her, mm-hmm. honestly. Shout out to you Judge Judy. I hope you're listening Maybe one day. will find you. m for real. May your pillow always be cold and your tea always be hot. We love you. All right.

um Let's move on to, the Russell Wilson thing? So I know, Sovereign, that you had like uh a bit about that. And I just I know you said it was like just a little spiel, but I want to hear it. it's quick. So apparently she did this a few years ago, but for whatever reason it went viral lately. It's been going around. think maybe it became official recently or something. I'm not sure. she, yeah.

So Ciara, the singer Ciara, you guys, in case you don't know, she had a baby with the rapper Future and he's like 11 now, I want to say. And she changed his last name to Wilson. instead of Willborn. But actually, I'm like Willborn is still attached, which is Future's last name, but she added Wilson at the end Future, we're assuming that his response was what it was on Twitter or IG. can't remember which one. He said, don't give a F or I don't care. Congratulations or something like that.

And I just. But the way the men were crashing because, you know, you know, a lot of people, a lot of these guys are so upset that Sierra went from a baby mama and she graduated to a wife and, you know, in their mind and with a man who loves her, which especially in the black community, unfortunately, yeah, they're like, once you become a baby mama, you're stained forever. Like you can't be anything. And it's so ridiculous. That's how they think.

And she represented that you can level up and that you can find once you love yourself. Cause she said that once she started loving herself, she said a prayer and all this other stuff. And the men they've been hating on her and Russell Wilson ever since. And so now the next thing she does, which she's, she's a Scorpio. So Sierra is very petty. You know what I'm saying? I know, I know Scorpio women shout out to the Scorpios. So yeah. sure. I love it. doesn't have to say anything.

She would just make a move and she knows how to get under his skin and the skin of everybody else. But I don't necessarily even think she did it for that reason. I think she probably knew that she would get backlash, but she did it because Russell Wilson is his father. And I remember, that's his father. Like he's been raising him ever since he was a small kid. you know.

I remember a while back, Sierra was doing an interview with someone and they asked her about future paying child support and she never said, he's never paid child support. didn't hear her say that, but what she did do, she just laughed. She said, child support? uh And they all just laughed. And that was her way of saying he don't pay child support. So you can't get mad. Yeah. no excuse. You're making money hand over foot. You're disgusting.

Like I wonder if it was Future Junior himself that asked for it because he's, you know, like if he's 11 years old, even nine years old, like old enough to understand who gives a shit about him and who doesn't, you know? And so I... I mean, I have like friends in a similar situation and that's something I could see one of the kids asking for just being like, you know. And I'm not sure, I'm speculating. So just don't quote me. I don't think Future pays child support for any of his kids.

um And the reason why I think he doesn't is because I still believe it's possible that he has all of his baby mamas in rotation still. That could be a lie, but that's, and the reason why he hates Ciara, he'll still deal with them whenever he feel like it. Yeah. So he probably pays them whatever they, whatever he wants to pay. I'm just speculating. because I know a lot of guys like that. So it's possible that that's the case.

The reason why he hates Ciara so much is she's probably the only one that's not in his rotation. She moved on with her life. So men hate the one that got away. They hate you so bad. And I love it. I love it. I love every moment. celebrities have an arbitration clause, don't they? Where they don't settle their cases in court because court attracts all this publicity and it's unnecessary or they want to protect the child.

So they wanted to go to arbitration so that way it's under the table, paparazzi don't have to stand outside the courtroom and cause all this hysteria and all that. It's just a simple way you can go into this little room and there's somebody there who can read out the the statements or the agreements made and then they arbitrate that way. So it could also be that. only thing about that is it never stays that way.

There's always somebody in the courtroom or somebody somewhere willing to sell that story to make money off of it. Everything always gets leaked. But it is good, it is, yeah. And the only way it's gonna work, in my opinion, is if it's just you, the parent, and the judge in chambers, and y'all all agree not to say anything. Otherwise, if there's even one other person in that room, good luck, because... very, very true. Yeah. money to TMZ most likely. Ha!

Yeah. Well, speaking of future, and I don't I have no way to prove this, but I feel like he is somehow at the root of this.

ah But men are ruining nightlife. Like, and I don't know why I feel like he is directly responsible. He was like the first he was like the the modern, like original sassy man. Like, do you guys think like who who started that? So I had this tick tock and I I don't think I'm gonna play the whole thing, because you guys will get the gist of it, but we'll link it below. let's just listen to the first minute or so.

oh the same across the US and there are many factors as to why but one of the low-hanging fruits that could really turn this ship around is the menfolk. last night my girls and I went on a random side quest and ended up at Dumballa where Sierra was there previewing a new album that she was dropping. as she's coming out the men are bulldozing past us and ending up in the front.

I kid you not the first two and a half rows were all men and men of all sizes, but six five standing in the front not going to these men sassy because that's the patriarchy at work. But I think the better way to describe them is they're the gentlemen are not out the gentlemen are at home. Okay. oh Okay, like I feel like that gives us the perfect gist of it and I couldn't agree more. I love that it ties in directly with the Sierra thing too. I forgot that the party was for Sierra's album release.

um What a serendipitous coincidence. yeah, isn't that like, isn't that so funny? Like when did this start? How did this become a thing? I'm so confused. Like is it because Like does Gen Z not have the etiquette because they missed out on the partying during the pandemic? Like, or is it the men are just thinking their prize in general? is this, like what is happening? Ladies, somebody, I don't know, somebody explain this to me. been so jealous of women and our bad bitch era.

Because we would dance on the tables, we would swerve, we would be nasty, we would be outside, and we would have all this bottle service, and we would all just, we'd have a great time with our girlies. And I think they were always so jealous because men don't talk to men like that. Men don't hang out with other men like that. They're very individualistic and selfish and stoic, and they don't have deep meaningful friendships like how women have with each other. point.

And so now that COVID has lifted, think some of that pent up energy of them being so fucking lonely in their mom's basement has come out. And so now they're like wild in these sections and just completely just ignoring women and becoming the bad bitches that they were jealous of all along. Yes, remember? has definitely been talking about this for a while, Megan Thee Stallion, so. think it's a combination of things.

I think it all ties back to women being able to take care of ourselves and having our rights. And it changes the entire landscape because I feel like men have always been unhinged, but they didn't have a reason to. release that unhingedness, because I know that's not a word, but you know, they never, there was never, there was never a time for them to release it.

And because now women have high standards and now we are, you know, moving on and we, can leave a relationship if you cheat or we can, we don't really leave a relationship for any reason. It's almost like they don't feel the need to be chivalrous anymore or be gentlemen anymore because it's not gonna get the girl.

Like remember when we were talking about how many men dropped out of work because their whole idea of chasing after women, they thought there was a prize at the end, but now women, they're like, y'all independent women and y'all are masculine and y'all, feminism killed this. So I feel like now they don't have anything, I would say but each other, but they don't even have each other because the male loneliness epidemic. But it's like they don't have anything else to cling to.

So it's almost like, I know I'm not going to get a prize or I know I might buy this woman a drink and she's probably not going to go home and suck my dick. So what's the point? no, seriously, because these men, these men expect so much for nothing. Like a drink, a eight dollar drink. You're sitting here mad because you bought her a drink. And don't get me wrong, I can understand. buying all these women drinks and then nobody wants to even talk to you. And they're jealous of that as well too.

Because you remember we had a conversation too where the men were, what? Yes, yes, yes. If you were a woman for a day and they did, the men were saying all the stuff that they shame women for in real life every day, that's what they would do, all those things. buy drinks for me or I'd get into clubs for free, all that kind of stuff. And not one of them was saying that they'd be a stay at home wife, that they'd be respectful and honor God. None of that. I thought that was interesting.

Yeah, it all had to do with getting money from men for free and getting men to buy them drinks and what they would do with their bodies They would just go around and F whoever so the reason why men shame you with ladies for this stuff is because deep down They're jealous that they don't have the read. They don't have the resources to do it or they don't have the swag yes. whatever. So now, yeah, there's no prize. There's no gold at the end of the rainbow, so to speak, in their minds. So why try?

Why be a gentleman? That's my theory. honestly, no, that is that has to be the theory. That's kind of where I was like thinking, too, because I was like, yeah, it just seems like since they're not being like rewarded. But it's also like you don't even know how to have fun in the front rows. Like you're not even like doing. there.

just standing there like recording Sierra like you're you're scaring Sierra probably you know what I mean like imagine how she feels just two rows of men in front of her like just dead eyes like staring at her with their phone in her face like oh my god. And just knowing how many men are gonna go home with that, those images in their phone and be lonely and do things. I'm sorry, but that would freak me out. Like I would just be freaked out.

Like please, I would have security like, please get like, y'all gotta break this up a little bit. I can't, that many men? No, that would terrify me. I just. know how to ruin a damn recession. Like we were supposed to have like a roaring 20s style, you know, like summer and these motherfuckers ruined it. Like took up all the space in the front. Like, oh my God, like we can't have anything truly. Yeah. The bottle service, the VIP sections and clubs, like they ruined everything.

literally up on the tables like, you know what I mean? They're up in front of the DJ booth. Like I've seen nothing but complaints all summer from the girls of like, why won't they just move? Like we're just trying to have fun. Like we're and women are the life of the party, by the way, like the advertisers, the concert venues, all of these places only care about women, like because women are the ones buying stuff like men show up for free and like take from places, you know, like.

Yeah. my gosh, they're just ruining everything. don't even want to buy you drink anymore. And if they do, it's for nefarious reasons, which don't get me wrong. It's always been for nefarious reasons, in my opinion. But it's just more unhinged now, it seems. I could be wrong. oh expect like actual like, I don't know how to say it, like sex work. Like you're basically like exchanging like, you know, like it used to be that it was on the man.

It's like, if you can't afford to buy a bunch of drinks out when you go out, you can't afford to date. Like you can't afford to be around bad bitches. Like, so unless you're like buying drinks for everybody, exactly. All women are expensive. You just pick the one you can afford, okay? Like that's, that's what I go by. should be illegal to just be cheaper on a sex worker too. even if we were just thinking you should have like a credit allowance of like $4,000.

And if you don't have at least base $4,000 like minimum, like you should not be allowed on some of these like escorting sites or some of these like only fan sites. And yes. Like you just can't afford it. that's the thing. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I don't know how many people saw this one, pretty viral.

So I'm assuming most people saw this, Druski, who's like an internet personality, I guess, went to the NASCAR race. completely in white face. So this is a black man who hired an incredible makeup artist, shout out to the makeup artist, to make him look like a white redneck basically. was, yeah, I don't know, Gwen, if you wanna. it looked so good.

Like he, he really looked like a white man and he played the part so well because he had like on like the white trash, you know, the denim overalls and it was only on like, he only had it on one shoulder and he had like the hat on and he was just acting a fool at NASCAR and it was hilarious. And also like the people at NASCAR had no idea who he was. So like there are people following him around recording and all the people are just like, oh, he, seems like a normal guy.

Like he, it looks like he belongs here and he's just like. there was like women sitting on his lap. Like he just got to do whatever he wanted. I mean, there was kind of an instance of him being weird to another black man, which I don't know if that was like very cool. regardless, uh yeah, he was kind of like, I hope that they kind of spoke about it either before or afterwards, but it was very interesting. And of course, you know, the white people came out and were like, this is so offensive.

Like my culture is not your costume. Oh my God. That's so funny. I was reading those comments where it's like, oh, but if a white man did blackface and it's like, shut up, shut the fuck up. Oh my. they haven't for years. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, I love it. That is great. That's a... I'm glad he did it. Yeah. clocking to you it's not clocking to them that he's standing on business. All right.

Well, I am so excited to welcome our guest, Amber Akilla to the show get into why being hot and having fun might be the answer to all of life's problems. So let's welcome her to the studio and we'll be right back with the interview.

Okay, welcome back everyone. Let's give a warm studio welcome to the Amber Akilla. Woo hoo! Welcome, welcome. Thank you for having me. oh my gosh, we have been so excited. I know that, know, Gwen and Sovereign did a little bit of research before they came, but I did not need to because I've been following you for months and months. just you know, I don't want to say this like it's a good thing. I probably shouldn't do this.

But when I come across one of your videos, it's like immediately like favorite, like repost. Yeah, everything. And I and. And I do listen to them actually all the way to the very end. You're like one of the very few people, like including Sovereign back when she was posting on TikTok and including like Cecilia Regina. Like other than that, like it's very easy for me to like scroll like midway through somebody's video sometimes. But like if it's one of your videos, I'm like, good.

I know I have like. couple minutes to get something done because I'm just gonna put this down. I know for a fact I'm gonna listen all the way through because the think pieces are always just chef's kiss. Like the way you explain things I'm so excited to have you on the show because I think this could be such a helpful episode to so many women. But before we get into all that good stuff let's do our introductions.

Hopefully our most of our listeners have heard about you but just in case somebody hasn't would you mind giving them the Amber Achilles Spheal. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Okay, so I'm Amber. am ethnically Chinese, but I grew up in the suburbs of Australia and I graduated from law school. have an arts degree and a law degree. I moved to Shanghai after I graduated from law school and when I was at law school, I started DJing and then I sort of continued that skill in Shanghai.

I also worked at creative agencies and did some kind of like modeling stuff adjacent to DJing and then also I started a women and LGBTQ project called Nu Shou in Chinese that means women's skill and then yeah amazing. That's so cool. I'm sorry. Um, so we would like teach people to DJ for free and we would also do creative collaborations and other like events and parties. And then in 2020, I got stuck in Australia, like mid visa process because of the pandemic.

And that's when I started posting on TikTok and also my podcast, cause I wasn't really able to like work creatively through music the way that I wanted to, or like clubs were closed and everything. And then I came back to Shanghai in 2020.

And then I sort of like restarted my DJ career in a way and simultaneously have been on TikTok and also working on the podcast. But I also do music consulting and direction and production as well. But yeah, I'm just figuring it out. That is awesome. What a resume. That is awesome. no, she's the ultimate cool girl for real. Like, I don't know. I just never know what kind of video I'm going to get. I never know if it's going to be a DJing video or like a pole video or like a modeling gig.

Like it's just one of the more exciting follows, I think. Like really, if you're like into decentering men as a concept, like I think Amber is such a good person to follow, because I really think you live that life. Like you're all actually all about that life and like. just setting such a good example. So that was the first thing I noticed when I was like binging some of the videos. I was like, she's eclectic. I love that.

I like somebody that just has their hand in so many different things and are good at so many different things. the bar is in hell because women keep it there or something. I was like, yes, this video. I watched it like twice. I love it. No, the philosophy is so good. and I know we're here to have you talk about, you know, being hot and having fun as a concept.

And I'm like, so excited to ask you questions about that and like really dig into the concept, because I think, you know, on its face, it sounds very flippant or whatever. But before we do that, we kind of have little icebreaker. We've we've decided to start doing icebreakers with our guess and the icebreaker today is what is your audacity? Like what is your like hottest take something people might not know about you? Like something that might surprise people?

I know that it's already like you're very eclectic and we love that but what is just something like extra what's the cherry on top of that? okay. This was such a hard question for me to think of an answer to, but I guess like only in this moment, like something I've been thinking about recently, um, based off questions I've been receiving from people is that I think that. a lot of people are way too focused on an outcome.

They think that locking in on the outcome is the same as locking in on the process to get there. So I guess that's kind of like my hot take that's related to the philosophy of being hot and having fun because Yeah, I get questions about from people like, how do I like do what you do or like, and it's just like, they just want to look like they want their life to look the way that mine looks.

And it can look fun and it can look like exciting, but the process for that to happen is like not linear, not easy and like full of all different kinds of challenges. So I think something that I want to be able to emphasize is like, you need to enjoy the process or you need to learn to embrace the process.

to the point where the outcome almost isn't that important anymore and that's when you actually achieve things that you trying to achieve or like couldn't even predict that you could achieve because you were so focused on the process and like working through challenges as the goal, not how it looks to other people being the goal. I love that so much. That's like a really underrated thing that people don't talk about.

And I think that like, I can't wait to see more videos from you on that, because I know you'll you'll break it down for us and you'll make it make a lot uh a lot of sense. But I definitely see what you're saying. And so with that in mind, would you mind defining the philosophy of being hot and having fun for us?

Because I know on its face, it sounds simple. but nothing really is. So let's dig in. Okay, so my philosophy at the moment for my life is being hot and having fun and it developed from... me in the depths of my depression. um was like, I think I struggled a lot with mental health like from a young age and I would always tell myself like, okay, but you're still going to figure out how to be happy.

Like even if it sucks now, like your goal is to create a life where you wake up and you enjoy what you're doing or you look forward to the challenges that you have to face in pursuit of the goals you want to pursue.

And then I think during the pandemic, that was like a really difficult time for me because all these things I've been working towards, all these expectations, that I had had for my life in 2020 were like completely all just like blew up in my face like everything that I was like dealing with is not something that I had anticipated like

in 2019 and I at first obviously felt like very defined by all these different things that I was dealing with I couldn't go back to Shanghai I couldn't see my friends I was stuck in my hometown that I was always like trying to run from and then at some point I was like, you know what, like I was not born to be ugly and have a bad time. Like, what is this? Like, I can't just, I can't just like be on the internet, like sad all the time, you know?

Like it's not, I don't want to be around people that are negative and defined by their circumstances in a way that's not like solution oriented, you know? So then I think I like, made a podcast episode about, you know, you're not born to be ugly or have a bad time. And then I was like, okay, well, how can I reframe this in a way that's like more positive, which then evolved into like how to be hot and have fun.

then like being hot and having fun is not just about like, um, adhering to beauty standards or being hedonistic, it's important for each person, I think, to get really granular about what these words mean to them. And being hot for me is like feeling confident and comfortable in my body, which naturally extends to looking good. Like if you feel good, you look good, your energy and your aura changes.

Like we all talk about energy and vibes, but like we all, we don't necessarily really internalize like how we can adjust the aura that we are projecting or the energy that we are contributing to like a particular situation or relationship. So yeah, like what makes you feel good in your body? What makes you, what are the things you're willing to do to like be presentable and look good? And each person's standard is going to be different relative to that context.

And it's not about, um, like doing things in a way that's for other people to your own detriment, but how can you live like a win-win life in any situation, whether that's friendship, family, working relationship, et cetera. then, yeah, having fun is like... Am I enjoying what I'm doing? Am I enjoying this job? Am I enjoying this relationship? And what are the sort of like compromises that I can make in service of a long-term goal?

Cause it's not going to be, it's going to be hard whether you like it or not actually. Like, so you need to pick your heart in relation to whatever vibe you're creating for your life rather than thinking that it's like. ah this person lives a life that I aspire to, so I'm just going to follow those steps exactly. It's like, what do I enjoy? Like that's a really important question to ask yourself because that's going to be the thing that sustains you.

Like, for example, my journey with DJing has not been linear at all. There's been so many different challenges at so many different times I've wanted to quit.

And I don't necessarily think that DJing is something that I'll do forever, but I'm still always committed to the practice of DJing and my relationship with music even though sometimes I face challenges and setbacks or whatever so because I like inherently enjoy it even when shit hits the fan and things don't go the way that I anticipate I'm still committed to working through those challenges. um you? I was going to say like I feel like this is such a central practice of like decentering men.

And I feel like we all as like even the hosts of this podcast probably have like answers to like, how are we being hot and having fun? And so I just wanted to kind of mix that in there. Like, ladies, can we give some examples? Like, Sovereign, how do you be hot and have fun in your life? So first and foremost, I enjoy my own company. So I feel good in my own company.

So like if I'm just hanging around the house, like turn on some music, dancing, you know, they always say dance like nobody's watching, right? And I do, I would do it in public as well too, like when I used to go out and stuff. So dancing and working out. Mm-hmm. Stuff that just makes me feel good. Then when I start writing, when I start thinking of ideas, I make sure I jot them down. You know, I really just focus on the things that I want to do.

If I don't want to do it, I'm so quick to be like, no, no. You know, and when I was younger, it was hard for me to do that because I always felt like I had to show up for people. You know, like I don't feel like it, but I'm still going to go. And I'm in that era in my life now, the villain era where I'm like, no, if I don't want to do it. The answer is no. That makes me feel good. It's little things like that where I'm putting myself first. Putting yourself first feels amazing.

I feel like even if you still want to be there for people, you still should put yourself first because if you don't have anything to give anyone because you're not pouring into yourself, I mean, you literally have nothing to give to the next person, whoever it is, kids, uh a relationship, family, friends, especially friends. You know, a lot of times friends want you to be there for them. And I'm just like, it's just a little things that makes me feel good. So I like to dance.

I like um doing fashion stuff. Like, you know, when I was telling you a couple of weeks ago, like if I ever post on TikTok again, it's going to be like fashion content. Cause I just like to dress up and just like take pictures and stuff. look fabulous. Like even your casual outfits, I'm always like blown away. It's just I don't know. You just you definitely have like a natural eye for it. And I love that your perspective also includes kind of like trimming the fat.

Like I'm sure Amber would agree with that, that like in order to be your ultimate, like hottest and funnest self, you need to get rid of the things that don't serve you. Right. Like that's that's one of the biggest keys, I feel like.

you when we talk about centering yourself and like decentering men, like all that whole conversation, it's like you really want to clear the way, you know, it's kind like you're going through with a machete, like through the woods and you're clearing the path for your best and highest and brightest self. So I love that. Like your philosophy, you know, includes the stuff that like, I just started saying no to things like love that. That's amazing. How about you, Gwen?

Can I come back to you on that? Because I just turned 30 and so I'm still trying to figure all of that out for myself because it took me, gosh, the past decade, so all of my 20s to learn how to stop comparing myself to others and just find the things that I like and do the things that I want to do. And so that has looked like many different things for me throughout my life.

And so currently for me, that just looks like finally getting my black belt and finishing my degree and figuring out if I want to pursue a masters or not in this fuck ass economy. I, I'm just living my best life out here and doing the best I can. Hell yeah, absolutely. I think you're doing very well, Gwen, by the way. You have a lot of things that you're passionate about, and it seems like you're just always into, you don't, whatever you start, you just see it through.

And that alone is such a skill, because you know how many people just give up. They're like, oh, you know. And we all want to give up sometime on certain things, but the fact that you persevere through that, I think that's awesome. And now you're getting ready to graduate soon, so I think that's fantastic, actually. Just with my bachelor's, but I was looking at a master's program. No, no, no, I'm not trying to downplay it at all.

No, no, no, no, I'm very proud of my bachelor's because it took me a while to even figure out what I wanted to go back to school for after the first thing I went to school for didn't end up working out. That's just because the programs that I was invested in had been shut down. So was going to go to school originally for linguistics, but then all of a sudden they had lost all their funding for that. so that program just got cut entirely.

I was reimbursed, but it took me a while to like, get my life back together after that and through all the trials and tribulations of my 20s also getting through all that and COVID, God, and so. like, yeah, I mean, it sounds like everybody kind of has to go through the ringer before they get to that part where they can, you know, sort of freely live out this concept. And uh yeah, I just love I love seeing the girls doing it.

And I just want to ask a couple of questions about, you know, the concept. So I know we've already talked about. like the fact that it's not looks, but I do think some people are going to get really stuck on that part. So like, how can we make it clear that this is not about like presenting yourself like, you know, to the male gaze and this is not about just like partying and like taking pictures and like making it look like you're having fun on social media? Like, what is this?

I guess, Amber, if you could like help us, like, what does this feel like? Like, what is it? How will you know that you're being hot and having fun? Like, and it has nothing to do with how you look. Okay, I think that one part of it that I don't necessarily Emphasize as much like for me personally. I have a more like holistic approach to health and beauty so Because I'm like Chinese and I grew up around Chinese medicine and I still get like regular Traditional Chinese medicine treatments.

So the emphasis is always like on Having good quality sleep, which is something that I struggle with a lot like previously when I was DJ more in clubs But that I'm working on now and like making sure that you have a balanced diet that you are exercising as well. And I think when I was younger,

Exercise was always associated with weight loss, especially as women you're conditioned to just think of exercise for the purpose of weight loss and the fitness industry is very like weight loss, muscle oriented. But I also knew that exercise is good for your mental health as well.

So when my mental health is really bad, I was like, okay, like you're gonna have to decondition your mind from like, whatever weird identity you have around not exercising because you don't care about weight loss or you don't care about like going to the gym five times a week um and you're just gonna have to move your body so that Maybe your mental health will get better. I was at rock bottom, just like, I'll do anything to get out of this.

So moving your body is obviously important because as humans, naturally we were out hunter gathering, moving. You're not supposed to sit idly all day, but you can find ways to integrate movement into your life. So doing something that you enjoy, find an exercise or an activity that you enjoy that will allow you to go back and continue to do it.

with consistency rather than thinking of exercise or having a balanced diet as some kind of punishment for like eating something, having a sweet treat or a boss. So it's like guess like the concept of being hot and having fun is like more about abundance and what you're.

Mmm. enjoying what you can do rather than always thinking about what you can't do because there's so much information in terms of like feminism and decentering men that's just about identifying the things that are wrong and like what men are doing wrong, which is important to understand but that doesn't change how you feel about yourself and how you live your life. It just gives you information.

So what can you do to sort of like counter this like fear and anxiety that comes with knowing all the things that could go wrong?

So like literally like doing something that you enjoy so find exercise and movement that you enjoy and I think for women dance is like such a radical form of movement yeah and also even like combat sports as well I think these this is like the masculine and feminine like these two different types of movement and it's not like yeah exactly like so it's it's not like um It's okay.

in the sense that like a man has to do fighting and a woman has to do dancing, but actually you can connect with like these different energies and this, these different ways of moving. as a way to connect with your body. And I think also like with your sexuality as well, like I always talk about how the me pole dance is not about catering to the male gaze. Although you can approach pole dance like through that lens or with that intention.

Paul. For me, I'm building strength, I'm building flexibility. I'm in a room full of other women who are just there to learn and support each other. Like we all remember what it's like to start pole and like not be able to lift yourself up and just be covered in bruises. And yeah, and like the classes that I go to, have girls of all different levels. So sometimes there'll be new students and they'll be like, my God, like how do you do that?

And like girl, when I started, I couldn't even pull myself up in the first class. Like you just have to keep committing and keep coming. like, maybe pole dance isn't the exercise that some people like, they prefer other forms of dance or other forms of movement. And actually, like the thing that inspired me to get into dance, because I wasn't really into it when I was younger, was watching these like YouTube progress videos of people teaching themselves K-pop dance.

Like they literally watched videos at home, and they have like five year long journeys of them starting out not being able to dance and they teach themselves through YouTube and then at one stage they get a mirror installed like in their house and then they're literally like I don't know I was just like wow that's incredible they don't even have a teacher like they're just watching from YouTube like you really can

like bootstrap being hot and having fun and I think I also talk about like uh doing things yeah like doing things that like the lowest possible cost investment and then as you progress you can invest more money because I think capitalism and consumerism yeah like especially if you're neurodivergent, like the urge to like, you know, invest in like all the best stuff like right away. It's like I am such an advocate for like buy the $12 yoga mat and just see if you like it. You know what I mean?

Just see if you even like yoga, you know, like because a lot of people think that like you have to have everything to start. And it's like you actually most times you have to have nothing to start like. just the bare minimum, like go to the dollar store and get the dollar store version and just see if you even like the sensory experience of it.

And as you were saying that, I was also thinking too, I wonder how many women feel discouraged from that journey and that process because we as women are expected to do everything perfectly. There's that whole aspect of like, well, if you wanna... share the world with men, you have to prove yourself and like you you're not really allowed to like make mistakes and stuff like that. And like, I just feel like that's such a big part of like decentering the male gaze.

Like if anybody wants to speak to that, like I know sovereign, like you've had hobbies where you're just kind of like chipping away at it you know, little by little, not expecting perfection, not expecting like, you know, some major overhaul. Like a lot of us also like feel like if we can't monetize our hobbies or if we can't like, you know, do some big social media thing with it, it's like not worth it. Like, I don't know, I'm just throwing that out there for people to commentate on.

Like, I think that's something that holds women back is like that male gaze in your head, you know, telling you you have to do it perfectly. So with the dancing part, I just wanted to add something, because a lot of people think you have to know how to dance in order to like dance. First of all, you don't have to know how to dance. Dancing feels good whether you are like Sierra level or whether you are just some, you know, beginner, you know, it feels good.

So a lot of times if you don't even want to go to the gym and come up with this, this regimen, because even with myself, I battle with, okay. I gotta work out and I gotta do upper body and I gotta do lower body, okay, and I need to do bicep curls and I need to do like these dumbbell raises. And on days when I really don't feel like coming up with like a new routine, I just dance. I turn my music on, I blast the shit out of it and I just dance.

And so if you are at home or wherever you are, you don't have to know how to dance, just move, just move your body, like literally. Cause I know a lot of people get... caught up with that. Well, I don't know how to dance. You do know how to dance. Everybody can dance. But I'm saying like, all you're doing is moving around and do what feels good.

So if you don't want to go to the gym and you don't want to like actually come up with this, like, I'm going to be a bodybuilder routine and being a gym five days a week, like Emory was saying, you don't have to, you can start small. And even with like TikTok, you know, my sister took, it took almost six months for her to talk me into getting a TikTok. And At first, even with YouTube too, I was like, okay, I gotta have all this equipment. my God, I gotta buy a good camera. I gotta do this.

I literally told myself, just do it. Just pick up the phone and start talking. And it was. Yes, yes. Oh my God. Like I was like, this is such amazing, like representation on so many levels. Like I just loved it. I love that you just set that phone up in your truck and started talking like that. That's really one of my like, watershed moments and like social media. I know, I just loved it. I was like, this is amazing. Like we never get to see this and now we do. Yeah. invested $6.

I went to Burlington and got one of those phone miles. It was like $5.99. And that was it, and my phone. And I just started talking. So a lot of times you just have to start. And I know it is so tempting to think you have to have all of these things in place. You do not. You don't. Just start. And then as you go, like Amber was saying, as you move forward, you will start investing in the better camera or the better yoga mat or whatever, but you don't need any of that.

Remember that most people who are successful, everybody that's successful started with nothing nine times out of 10. They started with next to nothing or nothing. So that's just something to remember. yeah, because I think a lot of people now also get caught up in like other levels of privilege and like material, the material side of it.

And even if you have like, I've worked with a lot of nepo babies as well, like in the music industry, and there's plenty of, and I've met lots of nepo babies too, like in the fashion industry too. So it's just like not every person that comes from material privilege is going to do something with it, you know, and there are people who I've met that started with nothing and have inspired me because I'm like, okay, I have like so much more privilege than that.

Even like my mom, she's immigrated to Australia. She is like a very capable business woman. She didn't have anyone to like guide her or tell her what to do. She just went with a dream. She was like, I'm going to figure this out. And she, you know, gave me the opportunity to have a level of material privilege that gave me options. But even then I still had to figure out like what I was going to do with that.

And like you guys mentioned as well, when I, my TikTok is still just me on my iPhone and like I'm on my couch like 90 % of the time, even with like music. Yeah. Like I still just like use my laptop and like basic monitor speakers. And I always think about like, do I need more gear? Do I need to have this like full on studio? And like, maybe I will, maybe I won't, but I still get the job done, you know, like the clients are happy. I'm still getting booked.

So it's not like I, it's not essential actually. For some people they, they like working with gear. like having all the stuff, but that doesn't necessarily make what your output is better. because, yeah. And just being committed to it as well. And I also have said before, like consumption is not a hobby. buying the thing to do yoga is not doing yoga. Like you still have to move your body and do the yoga actually, you know? So unless you... true.

and then you maybe create something around the consumption. Now you've created like a generative practice around your consumption, but just buying the stuff is not a hobby in my opinion, but people will argue with me on that. and I want you to say more about that because I think that like people get caught up in that, like people will get caught up in that in the being hot and like having fun pipeline.

There's like an off shoot you can get trapped in where you're like, so I need to have like all the baddie things. Like I need to go like thrifting or I need to order these boots or I need to like. have like this entire array of like makeup, because I'm being hot and having fun.

And it's like, can you say more about that, that like consumption is not the actual goal, it's not the personality. Like how do you avoid that and stay like on the actual being hot and having fun path and not get like sucked into the consumerism like side of it? What's like the feelings like, So for me, I think there's like a balance to strike between, you know, liking nice things and wanting nice things.

Like I'm still a material girl, but I always think about like, I was actually just talking about this the other day on a live, like the difference between investing in yourself and like a cost, you know? So if I'm investing in doing pole dance, because it allows me to connect with my body and I also look good as a result and it's like, uh, I get to be part of the community. That's an investment.

It's not just a cost, but if I'm just buying all these like, things associated with pole dance and not actually going, then that becomes a cost. It's no longer. Yeah. Like that's still, that's still an important. and a fun part, but if I'm spending more of my money on that and not my energy on the practice itself, then I'm not getting the benefits of the practice. And I think also like just having your own kind of boundaries around your finances.

Like another example is I was in Japan a few months ago and there was, I keep talking about how I've been looking for like uh the perfect like work and travel bag. And then I saw this bag and I was like, okay, I like the bag. has the utility that I'm looking for, but the price point is like a little bit ridiculous for me personally at this stage. And I know that I could find it's just a bag. Like it just holds stuff. So why do I need to spend like X thousands of dollars on this bag?

That's just going to hold. stuff when I have like plenty of other bags that hold stuff, you know, and there's lots of other bags that aren't that expensive that holds up. And then I was thinking to myself, okay, what are the things, what are the other things that I could spend this money on that would be an investment? Whether that's like new music gear or like, um, learning, like investing in a course maybe, or like buying like a monitor or something.

And then I was, then I got the ick for the bag. I was like, okay, this is the bag. Like I can use it actually like, that. Just having a present, just being presentable like and basic usually just as effective as like looking the most stylish or whatever, you even for me because more.

And again, like when you're investing in how you feel, if you feel comfortable in your body and empowered with working with very little, then when you invest, you will naturally like, it will be like a natural progression. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, you want your energy and your aura to be expensive, not just the things that you own, you know, because there's plenty of people who have lots of money. They're always buying like the latest thing, but they don't look stylish.

They don't look like they have their own sort of sense of taste. So giving yourself time to experiment with the things that you like, buy, how you feel about them, like questioning, do you, do I want this because I actually like it or have I just been PsyOpt because I've seen it everywhere and now I've just convinced myself that it's cool, and I think also, especially with social media and the way that like marketing works, I think that

If you see, if you are exposed to a person's image enough that creates a halo effect around them and then the things that they have seem cooler than they actually are. Like it works on them, whatever, cause they're famous, but would it actually work on you? Maybe no. And you can just appreciate things without needing them for yourself. You know, my mom used to always tell me that she's like, it's okay to just look. You don't have to have everything. yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love.

I love that you are like putting it in terms of like energy versus money. Like, I think that that's so important. It's like because you like even like the online shopping or like the Pinterest like browsing or like putting together Pinterest boards or like. you know, going on TikTok to get more prepared or like to get more information, like stuff like that. It's interesting because you are spending a lot of like energy doing that.

And that will probably lead you to spending money because it's like this interesting kind of like bypassing, right, because we're in like this consumerist oriented like economy and whatnot. And so those kinds of pipelines is exactly what leads us to spend more money than we need to. And like kind of invest our energy in like the search and in the like the dopamine, like we're getting our dopamine in the wrong place basically, right?

Instead of like actually just doing the damn thing, you're like, well, let me look on Pinterest. Well, let me look on TikTok. Let me do this. yeah, so they're using that. That's why it works. It's like, no, no, no, it works because they had a vision. It works because they were confident in themselves and like, you know, went out and did it. Sorry, Sovereign, you. It looked like you were gonna say something too. was just thinking it can be helpful.

If you are able to do it without overspending, sometimes buying the yoga mat is essential to kind of motivate you to do it. Not always, but if you have the presence of mind and the self mastery to know the difference, sometimes little things like that does matter. um up around it as well. Um, yeah. So it's like, okay, I'm going to go to like three yoga classes using like this shitty yoga mat or like 10 yoga classes. And then I'm going to buy the nice one.

I've been doing yoga for almost 10 years now. Like that's literally what I did. I said if I can do it for 30 days and I can do it on the shitty yoga mat, then like I'll upgrade after that. And it just, there you go. Set the goal. So like if your goal is to become more flexible, focus on the flexibility and then eventually you're gonna feel better about buying the cute outfit once you were like, now don't go buy the outfit like right away until you know, you know what I mean? Just, it'll ruin it.

Yeah, you'll put it on. Yeah, you'll put it on and it doesn't fit the way you want it to and then you would just like lose. You know, sometimes it may motivate you to look at the outfit every day. That could help some women, but focus on the body. Like get your body right. You're investing your body by just working out, stretching every day. That's an investment. Stretching is an investment. And so that's how you have to look at it.

And then like Amber said, like build your goal around what you're already doing and then make that something like a future purchase. Now I can go buy the cute little skirt or whatever. So sometimes it can help to buy the little thing because it motivates you I'm one of those people that if I hang the outfit up where I see it every day It will make me remember. Okay, you supposed to be working out.

You supposed to be doing like sit-ups or what you don't I mean Yeah, sometimes it sometimes it does help but in the very beginning you don't have to do that Like commit to the practice and you can consume in parallel, not just like I'm going to consume everything and then make the commitment. I love that why I love the way you put things Amber, because it's like, yeah, it makes me think of like a leapfrog, you know, kind of situation. Putting the car before the horse exactly.

You want to like stay kind of steady. Like you want to be checking in with yourself. Like is my progress matching my gear, for example, or like is my progress matching my time investment? Is my time investment matching my progress or am I like investing my time in all these different places? And I think this is just so important like for young women who are just not taught to think this way.

Like I really do feel like the reason that this is like a canon event for so many of us and like women kind of have to like throw their hands up and like everything has to go wrong in order for us to like focus in on ourselves. Like I'm just really hoping that this will save, you know, a lot of young women the time because a lot of young women, they have to go through like multiple canon events first, including like multiple heartbreaks, like things just not working out.

And it's because like we're taught to orient ourselves first and foremost on like dating, finding a man, are you going to have kids or not? Are you going to get married or not? Like all that kind of stuff. So like, what's your advice around that? Like, I guess one of the questions I had is basically like, what would you tell 18 year old Amber? Like, what does she need to hear?

You know, is there if you could maybe not you particularly like because I know a lot of people are happy with their journey and stuff But like what have you learned that you feel like could be a shortcut? you know for younger women or women who are just starting on this like Decentering men journey. Like what are some of our common pitfalls? What are you know?

Like what are some things you've just learned to like look out for and now you can kind of see it from a distance and be like I know like that we're not going down that we're not doing that then I had a so I think when I was younger, like the pursuit of like living authentically has always been important to me, whether I could articulate it or not.

And I think a part of me always thought like, okay, so like if I'm living authentically, then like people will like me and I won't deal with these like.

all this pushback from like around me when I was growing up, it was like a very like white community and I was like the one of the only women of color and also one of the only people that had uh understanding of like feminism and like inequality in a way that other people around me like didn't really have, which is understandable because there wasn't

like social media the way there is and just like the things that I was interested in and my own experience informed that and I had a lot of conflicts with the people around me and I thought like, okay, well, if I'm living authentically and like when I figure this out, then I won't deal with these conflicts. But I would tell myself, it doesn't actually matter what you do. Like people are gonna love you and hate you no matter what.

Like whether you're having a good time, whether you're having a bad time, whether you're living authentically, whether you're living in authentically. So the most important thing is to enjoy what you're doing. Like if you feel like you're being hot and having fun, you will naturally be able to discern what is compatible with. where I'm at and what I want and you focus on that. And then all the other noise is much easier to deal with.

Cause just like, well, you don't benefit or you have a problem with what I'm doing. It's okay because there are these other people in these other situations that benefit too. I think like an important thing is also yes, we want to center ourselves and focus on like how we're feeling and what does or doesn't serve us, but a really big part of it is also like, what am I contributing?

Like you don't just show up to the function empty handed and like with your hand out because the people that actually brought something will be like, why would I care about what you have to say or like what your judgment is? Cause you didn't bring anything, you know, you're just thinking about yourself. So I also think about like being hot and having fun is about what are you contributing to the world around you?

And like, how are you positively affecting the lives of the people that you encounter, whether that's directly or indirectly, it could be in person. It could be online, but when you receive feedback for like your genuine contribution to like wanting to help or like just improve or just validate and encourage and support, then people that are like, I don't like what you're doing. You're just like, well, go find someone that you like. Like you don't have to like me. Like that's actually okay.

Um, the concept of like more money, more problems is like actually very real. Cause like the more that you do for yourself and the more that you contribute, the more people will want something from you. Actually, they're not going to know what your boundaries are. So you will have to constantly like assert yourself and like draw these lines and adjust where those boundaries are.

But as long as what you're doing, you enjoy and you're like contributing positively and you're receiving feedback for being who you genuinely are and not who you're pretending to be. that other shit will, it will still be there, but you'll be able to manage it much better because it will be so obvious. You'll be like, well, these people appreciate what I do. You don't. yeah. else.

And actually it works whether like you agree with what someone's doing or not, because I always try to tell people as well. Like, yes, there are like all these men doing red pill content, whatever. And it's like toxic and you hate it, but they actually have to have that mindset too. Like they're speaking to people that appreciate what they do. And that's also part of their journey. Like to get out of patriarchy, I think there is this like pipeline.

that you might have to go through Red Pill content and come out the other end. so you can't focus on all the things that you think are just wrong. You have to also do the things that you feel are right. And then you will naturally move yourself away from what's not right for you. And your journey will like... You know, you'll go through your own pipeline as well. It's not going to be like always the most moral looking thing or the most aesthetically pleasing looking thing either.

And then you'll be able to have space for other people in their journey. And you know how you can or can't support them. You know, like even when it comes to dealing with friends or women who are still centering men in their lives, you're not going to be like, stop doing this. Like you're not going to be invested in their problem because you're going to be like, okay, that's their journey. I'm just going to be here living my life, being hot and having fun. You can come join me whenever you want.

I'll be there if you need me, but I'm also not going to invest in your problems because that's your journey. I'm invested in my problems. m That is such good advice. And like, just know, I just wanted to add to that, too, that it's like when you are being hot and having fun, like when you like yourself, gonna be easy for you to get the ick from people who don't like you. Like you're gonna be like, you don't like me, I can tell. I like myself more than that.

So I'm gonna go over here because honestly like... This is giving me the ick that like, I don't want to be around anyone that doesn't want to be around me. I don't want anyone to be around me that doesn't want to be around me. So it's like it's it's a very self-fulfilling prophecy of like, if you like yourself, then you won't tolerate people that are like secretly your ops and like your enemies.

Like you're going to just get really in tune with like who's just watching me just to like, you know, like hate on me or whatever. And then sorry, ladies, I want to give you room for your questions as well.

So. I just had a question about would you overcome imposter syndrome or having these thoughts of self doubt or maybe feeling like you're not good enough or like you're just taking up space that was meant for somebody who had more than you because like you said before, you were surrounded by experts and like nepo babies and you probably had all those thoughts

and feelings about yourself and I just wondered how you were able to just kind of come into yourself a little bit more and have a little bit more self confidence. Um, I feel like imposter syndrome and self doubt is always going to be part of the process. Like, but your ability to manage it will improve as you go.

So I always tell people that sometimes you just haven't been alive long enough to really get enough, collect enough data to better understand what you're good at, what you like, what you don't like, what it takes to like actually do something. Also like doubt and imposter syndrome is how I know that I'm like at the edge of my comfort zone. Like if something feels scary or unfamiliar, I'm like, okay, that means that this is something that I've never done before.

And like to feel confused and overwhelmed by that is actually normal and part of the process. it's not about like eliminating feelings or doubt. It's about sort of diffusing your awareness and becoming intentional with how you move through it. Like, also part of being hot and having fun is like, I don't reject being sad or being angry, but I like integrate and embrace those emotions and process them so that I can focus on being hot again.

You know, like I'm going to have days where I feel like I'm flopping, you know, like I'll like talk about how like, yeah, I'm like, I'm in a flop era right now. Like, and everyone's like, you talking about? Like you look like you're killing it. And I'm like, it's okay. Like after every flop comes a slay, like it's always gonna be in cycles and you start off with the doubt.

You know, like I think, um, for me, something that I've transitioned between is like DJing, which is playing other people's music and making your own music or doing production. And this is like such a huge mental block that I have, because when you're a DJ, you're judging everyone's music and deciding, is it good enough to put in my DJ set? Is it good enough for this project? And then when you're making music, your taste level is different to your skill level.

So like something that you make, you're like, what the frick is this? Like it sounds.

And then I'm like, my God, like I have the idea, but I don't have the skill level to meet it and I'm always working through this when I'm working on music but that's how I know that I'm doing something new you know like because DJing does come more intuitively to me because I've been doing it for so long and As I worked on making music and spending more time like in all the different software or whatever, I became like more confident with it. And I'm still on that journey as well.

But there are times when I like listen back to projects that I've worked on and I'm like, how did, how did I make that? Like, this actually sounds good. Like at the time I was like, Cause most of the music that I make is like more client facing. So it will be for like a fashion show or for like a video that someone else has made. So I'll make something and I'll be like, is this even good? But the client will approve it and I'll be like, okay, they like it. So that's all that matters.

But then time will pass and I'll listen back and be like, I can't believe I actually made that. Like, you know, like, yeah. So you you gained that like appreciation for yourself. You're like, oh, look at little baby me. Like she was so self-conscious, but like she was actually doing a really good job.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay. be able to just be like, I'm killing it all the time, like I'm the best, like that's closer to like a toxic, narcissistic. Yeah, yeah. just Donald Trump. That's just Elon Musk for sure. That's just a psychopath. So yeah, I love that answer. Okay, sovereign, what was your question? I know that's what I'm saying.

I guess we kind of answered it because when it comes to the decenter men lifestyle, a lot of women struggle with, okay, if I'm not focused on men, what else do I have to focus on? Like, what else is there? Like, Lisa, remember that time when we were talking about the guys and the porn and they were like, well, we can't watch porn. What else are we supposed to do with our life? Which is so diabolical. it is like for some women like, you know, they often we often get asked.

Yeah, like, why don't you guys you guys only make decent or men content? Like, why don't you guys make content for how like for women to center themselves? Well, yes, but like even just like how to get women to center themselves. And I'm like, babe, like that's you. Like that's I can't help you with that. Like, I love you. But all I can tell, like I mean, an amber. has like actually really good advice for that. So like maybe just go to Amber's page.

But like to me, it's like that's kind of the more natural, it should be the more natural part of the process. So I would really love to hear your answer to that. Like if you really don't know where to start as a woman, you're like, okay, like I'm really into this concept of like decentering men, but like what do I do instead? Like it's kind of all I know. Every movie tells me like I'm gonna find a husband someday. when tells me I'm gonna have kids or wanna have kids or whatever.

like, what do I do? beginner. following your, like curiosity is important. I'm sure for a lot of people when they were younger, there were things that they were interested in doing and finding like the adult version of that, I think, you know, so even if, um, like when you were younger, you enjoy drawing and painting, maybe the adult version of that could actually be like getting into makeup and enjoying doing your makeup.

That's like another form of like artistry, but you're doing it because you're just experimenting, not because the end goal is to be attractive to a man. So maybe when you're younger, you enjoy like running around and dancing and then the adult version is going to dance classes or something like decentering men is not like, okay, I used to do things for men. how do I do things against men? It's just like, how can I just enjoy what I'm doing? Like, how can I just be present?

Yeah. How can I be hot and have fun? And like a recent video that I made is like men aren't picky. So there's no use in being a pick me. Like you actually become like more attractive to men when you care less about them, but your standards for men increases because you're like, well, I treat myself all these ways. Can you match that energy? Yes or no? Like, and if you're not going to match that energy, am I making money off you? Yes or no? And then if none of those things, goodbye.

Like, it's literally that easy. Yeah, so it's just like treat yourself the way that you want a man to treat you. Because I think a lot of women are waiting for permission to be treated well or to be seen as desirable. Like you can look at yourself in mirror and be like, I look hot today. Like, or even just starting with neutrality. Yeah, starting with neutrality, like I appreciate my body.

I think gratitude is a really important foundation to build a life that's abundant because someone said like, you know, if you are grateful for what you receive, that puts you in the mode of receiving and not just like, and I think a lot of people they're like, okay, well I want these things.

So therefore like that's abundance because I want something and it's actually like that's kind of like, and when you go into situations, just thinking about what you're getting, yeah, that is a scarcity mindset actually. So when you go in and you're like, okay, what can I contribute? You give authentically without any expectation. And then the feedback will determine whether you continue to give or not, you know? So like, I just had this analogy that's like, okay, life is like a potluck.

If I show up and I make something because I want people to enjoy what I've made, I get there, people enjoy it. Maybe their food isn't as good as my food, but I'm not going to care because I just wanted to make something that people enjoy. But now that I've seen, okay, this is what everyone else has to offer relative to what I have to offer. Maybe I'm not going to go to this potluck anymore. And I'm going to go to another one where we have like a shared standard.

But if I go and I'm just making something, cause I want everyone to like me, then it's like conditional. And my intention is not about what I'm contributing. It's just about what I'm doing to get something. So then I'll keep going to this potluck where everyone else's food is shit, but mine is good. Waiting for them to tell me that my food is good. And now I'm wasting my time and energy when I could be going to somewhere where people actually appreciate what I'm doing.

Or I go in with nothing, which is what I think like the, the Psy-op of like, what do you bring to the table as a woman like a man should never ask you that but you should always ask yourself that actually like you should actually always be asking yourself what am i bringing to the table what is the vibe that i bring to the function because i've met a lot of women that show up with this entitlement and they're like men

have to do this have to do that i'm gonna marry a rich man and i'm like the broke men don't reply to you either so like why is a rich man coming for you like you actually need to think you actually need to think so It's not like you're just infallible as a woman and you just like you do have inherent value but you need to understand what that is and you need to communicate that to the

spaces that you enter so that you can discern whether like it's reciprocal or not like because no one's going to tell you no man or no woman is going to say hey you're doing too much uh do less you know because i i don't appreciate what you're doing like if you're going to give it to me people are just going to take it unless you withdraw because you decide that it's not being valued and treated the way that you want it to be Like who's going to tell you that?

Because in everyone else's mind, they're just assuming, well, you gave it, so you must be okay with it. You know, like why would I have to do all that mental work for you? That's actually your job to be like, yeah. where your boundaries come into play. It's like, what do I want? what's my standard of treatment? What am I going to walk away from kind of thing? Like you can't force those onto other people. You have to know what they are before you even get involved, right?

Like that's pretty much how. and adjust as you go. Like it doesn't have to be definitive and like you just want that only. So having an idea is helpful. wanting to be generous is important, but that doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries around it. as well, you you have to find this balance. And I think a lot of people are just looking for like absolute answers. Like this is it. And then once you've done this thing, it'll be okay.

But everything kind of exists on a spectrum and you move along the spectrum at different stages. So the same thing with the doubt, like you have the doubt, then you do, it's better to do something than to do nothing actually, because even if you do it badly, at least you know the next thing, how you can adjust for the next thing. And I think a lot of people now they get so caught up in just how can I get everything perfect?

so that I don't make a mistake, so that I don't embarrass myself. like, being embarrassed and failing is part of the process. People actually connect to you more because you're human, not a robot. so true. I agree with that. I think that's the hardest part for a lot of people is the not wanting to be embarrassed part. Like you want to skip over that part, even though, like she said, it's definitely a part. Yeah. And I think that's all of us at some point.

all like just, just, I just want to get to the end goal and You know, it's almost like winning the lottery, because I was just having this conversation with my boyfriend there was a show, and I can't remember the name of it, but it was basically about people who the vast, like 90 something percent of people who hit the lottery go broke in five years or something like that. And the reason why is because you don't know what it's like to actually work for that money.

So you don't really appreciate it. Like the first thing you do is just start buying stuff. And next thing you know, you look around and like, dang, I spent a million dollars last month and I didn't even realize because I was buying this person this, I was doing this, I wanted to go get me a house. And so you lose that money so quickly. This is just my theory. Because you really don't know, you didn't go through the journey of making that money, losing it, investing it, losing it.

Like you didn't go through the steps to actually get to that level. So you're going to lose things that you didn't have to work for. When you work for something, you appreciate it a whole lot more. When you go through those ups and downs, you hit those pile holes, you scrape your knee, you go through this, you have your highs and your lows, you appreciate it a whole lot more. And so you probably won't lose your money as quickly or at all if you actually earned it. Same thing with netball babies.

You never was told no, so you don't really know how to like... survive out here without mom or dad's money. And so I think it's the same concept. You have to embrace the journey. You can't skip over the horror part or the embarrassment part. Go ahead and be embarrassed. I always say, have the last laugh. If you continue down your path and people are laughing at you, they're gonna wanna be you sooner or later at some point. You know what I mean? And I'm just... paper! Yes!

And you shouldn't do it. And you shouldn't do it for that reason. It's just, that's just a part of it. And I always say, when you go through things, whenever I have friends and family that are like crying and they feel like it's the end of the world because of something they're going through, I always remind them, I'm like, when you finally make it to where you're trying to go, this is a story that you will be able to reflect on and tell everybody, this is what I had to go through.

And that is so inspiring. Like people underestimate the inspiration that come from when you hear somebody who accomplished something, what they had to go through and what they overcame. So it's a part of it. Like, don't be afraid to bump your head and scrape your knee and fall in the hole, dig your way out. You know, those are the best stories that people want to hear. Like, wow, so I, cause I went through this too and I didn't think I was going to make it out, but she said she went through it.

She made it out. God, that is so inspiring. So don't be afraid. I always say to myself like this or better, you know, when things are going awry. Yeah. yeah, that's such a great point. And I think like, For me, I've been like bullied for like every single part of my personality.

Like people talking about my race, my gender, the taste that I have in music, the style of clothing that I wear or like the things that I'm interested in and... now I get paid to do all those things and now I'm celebrated for all the things that people hated me for, you know? So it's like, yeah, I remember when I was at law school, this guy, him and another guy would like try to prank call me about DJing and they would always like nag me about like playing the party that they go to every week.

And then I walked into a law lecture and one day he had his secret SoundCloud account open on his laptop. And I was like, what's that? He was like, nothing. And it was like a mix that he had made. was like, like you want to be a DJ too? Like, why don't you post your mixes publicly? Like, why don't you talk to promoters about DJ blah, blah, So that was like 2010s when I was at uni. And then I connected with a girl who listens to my content.

And she told me that she had dated him like in the last few years and had been to his apartment and he has DJ gear in his apartment, but he's not a DJ. Yeah. day, he's still struggling with making the first step, you know? And like, you're a white man. Like the challenges that you would have to face to pursue like DJing are way, way less than me.

But because the privilege is just being part of his journey, it's like so much harder for them to move through like their ego and like the patriarchal conditioning that they are also like suffering at the hands of, but not my problem. my God. It is so important to remember that when people try to clown you for whatever you're trying to accomplish, they really are just projecting. They're telling you what you can't, what you can't, .99%.

They're telling you what you can't do because they don't feel like they can. That's literally all it is every time. And that's how you know, yeah, they're a jealous bitch and you shouldn't have them in your life. Like man or woman, like it doesn't matter. They're just jealous and uh you know, maybe let's not call them a bitch, but like, yeah, they're jealous at that point. Yeah, like they're, it's just the behavior of like definitely somebody who wishes they had what you have and.

It's almost like a sign to keep going. Like it's almost, you know what I mean? Like that's, it's one of the ways you know you should keep going. unfortunately I wish we could keep going, but this kind of like wraps up our time limit. Worst part of the show, honestly, every single time, but especially with Amber, cause I know like I saw her and I knew you were going to love like the way that she explains things like so much. was so much fun watching Sovereign like react.

to like every time you were like on one, like I was like, I know she's loving this. Like seriously, thank you so much. It's been freaking honor to have you on here. Can you tell everyone like how they can find you? Obviously you're like our recommendation for this week. Please find the podcast Friend Crush. But yeah, Amber, why don't you tell us the rest of it? Um, I'm on like most things as Amber, Akilla YouTube, Tik Tok, Instagram, red note.

If you're on red note, the podcast is friend crush with Amber, Akilla And yeah, also like sound cloud and Spotify as well. If you're interested in like music stuff that I do. Oh, please. Yes. Check out her music. Like it seriously. I just yeah.

If you're like a young woman starting on your decent term and journey like this is one of my biggest like recommendations like as far as yeah, somebody you should follow because you like I said, you're just really out there living that life like you're really doing the damn thing. And I love to see it. Love your content so much. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah, so it's been amazing having you. Thank you, everyone. Please go show Amber some love and we will be right back with our mailbag segment.

So stick around.

Alright, welcome to our Mailbag segment where uh one of our listeners writes in to us at mailbag at siren sound dot co and then we read it on the air and we give advice. It's just like a little advice column. What did those used to be called? Like Ask Linda or something? Ask Abby. There you go. It's our version, our version of Ask Abby. So Gwen is going to go ahead and read this one aloud and then we will all pitch in. our thoughts and opinions.

So this person wrote in and says, on the topic of consent, here's another area in life that I feel women are supposed to perform and give emotional energy to. Forged politeness in shared spaces. I've noticed that even if a woman's body language is negative, quote unquote, people will still feel entitled to start up a conversation with her.

And if she doesn't respond or engage in a way where she's comfortable or open, whether due to just having a bad day, maybe she's depressed or anxious, etc, etc. They label her as rude. It's concerning because sometimes those people retaliate and even go as far as to become passive aggressive or even more violating in return to the woman for not responding. I've been also noticing this pattern in my apartment building complex.

A lot of men approach and introduce themselves to me, especially in places I cannot escape easily like the elevator or when I'm taking a quick break in a common area. I'm beginning to think it's intentional and not so innocent. Sure, some people are just polite, but politeness doesn't need to be a 10 minute long conversation without a goal. Sometimes they've asked for my number and then make no further move. And other times it's just high and by conversations.

I never consented to it in the first place, but I owe them because they introduced themselves to me in the elevator one time. I don't know how to categorize these connections because I typically don't like to participate in so much small talk without reason for it. Same. These are guys who more than likely have many options in the dating market. So why do they need their neighbor's attention when she's just minding her business? Neighbors are usually a don't shit where you eat zone.

Anyway, when I build a connection with a man, I need it defined in order to feel comfortable and safe. Either the guys are integrating themselves into my life in a way that's adding value, whether that's professional work situations, or just asking me on an actual date. Lastly, not engaging with these men or even women in these shared intimate spaces can potentially become dangerous if the woman sets a boundary and says she doesn't want to talk. I agree. Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

That's like one of the ways that I think men uphold the patriarchy. Like simple as that, like it's just one of the ways that they remind us that we're never really safe and that we kind of like owe them something and like, owe them our attention. I have had men try to get my attention like by saying hello. And like in the point five seconds that it took me to even like look up and like acknowledge them, which I was going to. Like I wasn't even gonna be rude.

And he basically went from like, hello to like, bitch in like point five seconds. I literally was like, too stunned to speak. I was like, what the hell? No, it was it was like, it's that funny. It's like, why? Why would you go from zero to 100 like that? That's so weird, rude and scary. And it's like, It's almost like he baited me and it was like so weird. I don't know. That's how you know that their intentions are never good. They switch up on you like that.

What I do when I go out is I usually have on some kind of earpiece. So usually when I get off work, I'll still have on my headset or my AirPods. And most of the time I'm not on the phone. But the moment I see guys coming in my direction, I make sure my phone is on do not disturb or silence so it can't ring. And I start talking to myself. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, I'm going to grab some blah, blah, blah, blah. And I act like I'm literally just busy.

And half the time, I don't even be talking to them. Sometimes I do be on the phone, but most of the time I'm not on the phone. that's my way just shutting guys out, because it's so annoying how they act you. owe them a conversation. You owe them eye contact. Like I told y'all before in earlier episodes, I don't even like to make eye contact with men when I'm in public. When I see them coming, I'm like looking down at my phone. You still supposed to pay attention to your surroundings? They do.

there was that clip that went viral of a man who was like god forbid a man tries to make a conversation with a woman and he was like going off on the tangent about how this woman did not want to talk to him or did not want to say anything or like she was just scrolling on her phone or something as if she owed him some sort of like polite conversation or something y'all remember that clip off the leg the topic of conversation on TikTok for a while because he was so audacious about it.

Mind you, he recorded his own TikTok about it while walking down that same fucking street. like if a woman wanted to start a conversation with him, she by his own standards wouldn't be able to because he was like had his face buried in his phone and didn't want to talk to anybody. He was too busy ranting about a woman who didn't want to talk to him, but he did the same exact thing. Like the hypocrisy was like level 1000. It was crazy. Ha love it when guys ignore me.

When I'm out and they don't say anything, if they're on their phone or whatever they're doing and they're not talking to me, chef's kiss. I love it so much. Absolutely. One time my friends and I got sent like a round of drinks from across the bar. And when the bartender like brought them to us, he was like, these drinks are from the gentleman who just left. And we were like blown away. We were like, that is the classiest thing that's ever happened to us. Like, what the fuck?

Like, we're going to be talking about that for like years later because it was like men that were like knew that we wouldn't know who they are knew like it was just chef's kiss of a compliment like what a better way to like just show your appreciation for like a group of bad bitches than to just send drinks from the men at the bar who just left like the the relief was palpable the like you know it's just it makes it so much better i don't know that i oh if I want this drink. I'm terrified.

I'm being watched. Yeah. so for serious. Yes. could also pretend not to speak English if it's available to you. Because like, I go to the mall sometimes and sometimes those vendors be so aggressive for like no reason. Well, because they're trying to sell you something, right? But like, they would just come at you so fast and I just like, I don't know. My immediate, my knee jerk reaction was just like, pardon, ne comprend pas, ne comprend pas. And just like keep walking.

Because like I knew they wouldn't believe me if I tried to speak Spanish because I look so white. But if I spoke French and was just like rude about it, I think they could believe I was French or something. And I wanna learn another language just so that I could get away with not talking to people if I, because I can get out of it. That's my reason. Just learn some insults like, Degash, Yeah.

Yeah. And I just think like, yeah, I think that's a really good, um you know, kind of spotlight, like something for us women to consider that like, yeah, that goes into unpaid emotional labor that we have to do. Like, this is what we mean when we say like society kind of exists on the shoulders of women.

Like we would not it would not be the same place if there wasn't these unspoken rules about how women are going to react to certain things, including strangers just randomly talking to them all over the place. And it's like, you'll notice that everything we've said has been basically ways that we've had to think of in order to avoid this and not actual solutions to it, because the solutions would have to be society-wide, they'd have to be implemented. And also, the solutions would come from men.

Like, all we have is basically band-aids. Like, as women, it's like, we can't really do too much about this unless we either get really violent and radical about it, or we get the men to change themselves. Like, those are our only two options. I don't know. Right. But that's another way that the patriarchy harms men because they set men up to believe that they are owed a woman, that we owe them conversation, eye contact, all of that.

And the men are starting to realize, you know, or I don't know if they're realizing, but they're complaining. Like, what's wrong with these women? sir, you were never guaranteed or owed a woman for real, for real. You were lied to. And you need to get with the times. Times have changed. We're evolving. Y'all better evolve or get left behind. That's just where we are. Get over it.

Yeah, there's so many like different venues to like, I don't know, pick up women, even if that's what you're like doing, there's just so many better ways now. Like there's actually, you know, online dating, like if men actually started doing that in good faith, like if men put as much effort into that as they do into like catcalling random women or like trying to strike up conversations at the grocery store, like. Yes. my god.

like a nice dating profile instead, like all the time you have spent, like, you know, whatever, or like invest in yourself and like women will be, you'll find yourself like in the company of women that will talk to you and that will like, I don't know, I don't even wanna make it like this whole thing. Like if you do this, then women will blah, blah, blah. I'm just saying it'll be more likely and it'll benefit you. That's.

The best part is that whatever you're doing right now as a man is not fucking benefiting you. It's making you annoying and sufferable. And like, we don't want to even see you in public. Imagine you put all that energy into actually like self-improvement, right? And then like, I don't know, who knows? Let's just see what happens, right? I don't even want to promise women at the end of this rainbow, like, cause again, y'all are not entitled to women, but like, my God, can we just see what happens?

Like, what if, what if you just invested in yourself? What if... Like every time you think about cat calling a woman or doing something stupid online or going and watching porn or something, just do 10 pushups. Just start there. Just start there. research how to unbald yourself because why in the year of our Lord 2025 are you bald?

When all because all of this research was put towards ending male pattern baldness like it was an epidemic but when it came to endometriosis or any sort of like problems that specifically women experience suddenly like the pockets are empty suddenly. It's just pocket lint and it's just like here you go. That's all we got for you, but you know, for, you know, ED or male pattern baldness, it's all just money pouring out of their ears. It's, it's, there's no reason for you to be bald. Mm-hmm.

I think it's crazy that people will continue to do the same exact thing over and over expecting a different result. The definition of insanity is like make choices, I mean, make changes in your life. Actually take time and just work on you for a year. You can't be single for a year. Like you can't be single and focus on you for a year. Like so easy. It comes so natural to most women. I don't know why for men it's just like, It's so hard. All they care about is sex and I don't know what else.

Not getting being fed. A mommy I can F. That's literally all they want. And that's why it's so hard on them. They don't look inside. Like maybe it's something I could do. I just don't get it. never. And speaking of, I think that's like has something to do with our poll results for this week. Let's see. Yep. Nice. This was a perfect transition. I'm so excited.

All right. So we had a poll this week. um We now do our polls in three different places. So we have the Spotify poll, the Patreon poll and the YouTube poll. So, you know, just throwing that out there. Please do vote. This is, you know, a little piece of democracy here brought to you by the Audacity podcast where your votes do matter unlike have it all the above tier or like answer choice because it's a cop out and you need to just pick one, pick one. gonna make you pick one and defend it.

All right, so the question was, what's obvious to women about the Manosphere and its algorithms that men just keep missing? Which I, Sovereign, you set me up so perfectly for this one. So the options were misogyny keeps them trapped, it's not a solution, it's debate. uh Option B was the outrage is engineered. It's about profit, not truth. Which I thought this was a, that's a good one.

C was loneliness won't be fixed by rage posting at women or D they're being played by the same rich men they idolize. So ladies what's the obvious one to you that you think men are just is going right over their head? D?

me too i think they're being played y'all are marks a lot of y'all are just gullible like walking sacks of crayon eaters like it's just it you're drooling and you're i could tell you were one of those kids that hated popcorn reading just by talking to you like cannot form a complete coherent sentence maybe like that's ableist or whatever but No, it's English speakers.

if your native language was English and you can't form like a complete sentence without, you know, stuttering over yourself or going, uh, you know, it's just, it's tiring. basic comprehension just escapes them, you know? uh We don't care about your college degrees. All you do is use big words and make us feel stupid. you made that word up. That word is probably not even real. You're too masculine. The Dusty's pod is bleeding over into the audacity pod. Our brother podcast. We do.

We got to do that again. That's too much fun. Well, we have to bring like, Berb or somebody back. Like, that's so funny. All right. Yeah. So that was the winner by far. Good job, ladies. I do think that is kind of the most obvious thing where it's like... Also, these men don't really know what they're doing. Like if you dig into like these men's like personal lives and like what whether they practice what they preach, it's never that they're never practicing what they preach.

Like look into their personal life. And it's like y'all are taking dating advice from men who are not even dating like from men who cannot keep a woman like from. Yeah, that's what I mean. a like romantic advice from a man who is chronically single and has not even touched a woman probably in the last like 10 years if that about the men that complain about how much they don't like single mothers, but they've made multiple single mothers?

Like you're literally a single mother maker, a baby mama maker, and you're complaining about single I just, I, right, I can't. Like, are you kidding me? It's so... Oh my gosh. Ugh. Real providers shut the fuck up. They don't talk. They don't announce it to the world that I'm a provider. I'm a provider. uh and provide, that's merch. Just shut up and provide, That's going on merch.

No, I, you know, and every time I talk about that, like people are like, well, why don't you show your husband who's a provider? Like, dah, dah, dah. It's like, no, he's doing exactly what he's supposed to do. And he's letting me shine. Like I don't understand what people don't understand about that concept. Like women have been underrepresented in like media podcasts, everything for. Years and years ever since we invented media and podcasts and everything so it's like why would I be like?

yeah, my husband should have the spotlight. Are you guys crazy like no? real providers shut the fuck up like just the fact that we're glowing and men that just take away your peace, take away your beauty and take away your luminosity, your shininess, all of it. suck the light.

When they suck the life out of you, it becomes so obvious because your cortisol levels are just off the charts and so that naturally has an effect on your body because as evidenced by that TikTok trend where it was like before I dated another man, remember what I was like when I was with him and it was like a before and after and it's like night and day. Yes. I'm like, is that even the same woman?

Yeah. you should look better like seven years into your relationship, like two years into your relationship. You should look better. Like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I know that's right. because the guys will probably go after him too. I know the women will, there's guys that'll go after him. They will see him and be like. It reminds me of that Bible story where Lot had to like send out his daughters because all the men wanted to like fuck the male angels. Oh my god.

Anyways, okay, let's not get into Bible horror stories. just the way men will lust after other rich men. It's insane, because they call us the gold diggers, but you should see Elon's little circle jerk club over there. They're all up in Texas. Yes, could not agree more. um All right, well, let's give our recommendations for this week. I have two. And then I also think we should recommend that Judge Judy book. I think that's awesome. If we could have a link to that, that would be amazing.

My thoughts go out to the people in Nepal and Indonesia right now who are facing a lot of Turmoil in their their countries right now because they're protesting their government and their government is Really oppressing them back and so I just want to say like my thoughts are with the ASEAN group right now and power to the people Yeah. yeah, good luck. I mean, we should definitely be looking at that as Americans and taking notes. So. for sure. I meant to give this as a recommendation.

much sooner. Obviously, please follow Amber Akila on all platforms. She's amazing. One of my favorite yappers. Like I can just put on her videos and watch from start to finish, which is a testament to my attention span and a testament to how interesting she makes the all the topics. So definitely follow her. But I also have like a recommendation that one of my mutuals made. It's called The List Your Mother Owe You.

And it's basically like the most comprehensive questionnaire I've ever seen, like how to vet a man, but like level 1000. I don't know if anyone is still interested in like dating, you know, going out there that is just which you don't have to be. We very much advocate for not dating if you don't want to on the podcast. like seriously, save yourself the trouble. It's really hardly worth it ever. um Focus on yourself first and foremost.

But if you must get involved with a man or if a man has, you know, happened to fall in your lap and he seems great, this is, I think, like one of the best resources that you can have to vet him and make sure you follow the creator. This links to their website and places where you can follow Dunny on all platforms. Shout out to Dunny. Thank you so much for the list. Thank you so much for sharing with me.

ah And we will see all of y'all next week for what I'm sure will be an exciting topic of discussion.