REMASTERED: Managing Stress, Guilt and Overwhelm, with Carrie Wilkerson (Executive, Opportunity, Consulting, Business)

people in his Sunday school class. And I was blessed enough to be introduced to Zig Ziglar, the concept of stinking thinking and goal setting and creating your own life by what you think and changing your results by changing your mind. And that was seventh grade. So I remember that very distinctly. And then of course, I went through high school, I always was a little

more positive than the average bear, I'd say. But then went to college after college started in my typical track, right, did some government work, did some corporate work taught in the education system, and then adopted two kids that changed my life literally overnight. And I said, I'm a smart girl, I have a lot of qualifications. I have these two kids that I've chosen to parent and I've chosen to bring into my house, they've had a rough start, I need to be here with them. However, there has

got to be a way to make some money at home. And I started studying sales and guess whose name pops up again, Zig Ziglar, Zig Ziglar started studying leadership with John Maxwell. I started a Mary Kay career, which I was in Mary Kay sales for three years. And then I created a publishing company which served Mary Kay people on the leadership level, owned that for 10 years before I sold it so that I could pursue the Barefoot

executive. And I would say the way I know people and the way I get connected is very intentionally have a list of things to accomplish in a certain amount of time, I have a list of people I choose to intentionally have in my circle. And then because we know how the brain works, that the brain seeks to solve problems that you give it when we think negatively or think, Oh, that'll never happen, or I'll never meet them, then your brain doesn't look for reasons to make it happen. And

so it believes you. But when you say I'm going to at some point work with Zig Ziglar, speak on stage with Zig Ziglar be endorsed by Dave Ramsey, you know, be noticed by John Maxwell, your brain goes to work to solve those things. And then when you physically and emotionally invest in opportunities to do so that's when you become lucky. And I use lucky sarcastically because I don't think anything I ever have done is lucky. But I've been very intentional. So that's how

I got in those circles. I was published by Thomas Nelson who publishes those guys. So they became aware of my work. And now I was on Dave Ramsey's entre leadership show, he's endorsed my book, and we have a lot of the same mutual friends, which

leads to other mutual friends. But that's how that happens. So I have intentional goals about places to speak, and companies to speak for and companies to work with sales forces, and then your mind goes to work, you know, in effective ways to make that happen.

that's certainly true. I have four kids. And so sometimes at the playground, you know, I'm one of the moms probably that people try to shame on Facebook, like there was a mom that had her kids at the playground and she was staring at her phone the

whole time. Well, that may be because I'm homeschooling my kids three days a week and so we took a break and they know that because I've been so available to them all morning, that that's my like one hour that I'm going to need to answer emails and let them run off some energy so we can go back and get back to it, you know, so sometimes it does Let me be more flexible. But a lot of times we just feel like we have to be responding to the

urgent because nobody can handle it like us. But unless you're in an Oregon Business, a transplant business, a blood supply business, most of us are not in a life urgent situation thing where we can't step away from availability for two or three hours. But what we're seeing in brain research is that availability and electron connection, so internet connectivity, phone connectivity, actually functions with many humans, much like a hit of an addictive substance.

So we literally have addicted our self to where we have shakes and tremors, or shortness of breath, when we are not, like have you if you've lost your phone around your house and then had a panic attack because of that, that you might have a problem, right? So I think that that's part of it, we we are not guarding our availability, we are not turning selves off. And I'm not preaching and saying you're not available enough for

your kids, or you're not available. And you know, I'm not saying there's any magical balance, I'm saying we have to get over ourselves a little bit and step away, and put up a few more boundaries to protect our health or wellness, our energy, our capacity.

with special needs. We do a combination of private school, college, homeschool, and public school, we're involved in theater arts and tumbling, and very active in our church life and immediate family, etc, etc. So mine is going to look different than yours. And that's okay, we've got to quit expecting everyone to fit into a formula and judging them. If they don't, we've got to worry more about the business and our

own life than everybody else's business. And that is for stop worrying about them judging, but then it also means we've got to stop comparing comparison will steal your joy, it's suicide on the installment plan, it will defeat you every time, it will either defeat you or give you false pride. Period. So we've got to stop comparing where to stop looking at that woman on the playground and going well, at least I'm not checking my

phone or playing Candy Crush while I'm on the playground. And then giving myself false pride because I'm more present and attentive. When the truth is, that woman might be working 50 hours a week away from home. And that's the only time she has and that's great. This other woman might be with her kids 24/7. And this is her only break. So we just have to stop the comparison

and the judging. And we have to have the conversation with our kids that conversation with our spouse, our business partner, our co workers and say, what works for us what looks like peace and balance and joy for us. What helps me bring value into the world with our clients, co workers, Team employers, what does that look like? And then you have to be okay being judged. You know, I mean, if I was worried about being judged, I wouldn't be online, I wouldn't have pictures or videos or posts

online. Because I know, I get so many private messages and texts and emails, that I can only imagine what the people are not saying because there are enough of them that are bold enough to say it. Right? We've just got to stop especially women to be to be fair, we're judged even more than the men. And that's not a

martyr statement. It just is what it is statement. So we have to quit worrying about what the woman at the playground thinks that if she does make a comment, you can respond with grace, and say, This is what works for our family. Thank you for being concerned. I can see them and we have to be okay with that. We have to quit defending. We have to just go thank you for your feedback. We do what works for us. And there's one more point that goes with that a lot of us are not doing something because

we're afraid of the invisible audience. So the invisible audience is a concept that starts when we're preteens. So for instance, my nine year old could care less what other people think about how she dresses or what she does or what she eats or what she says she's in this really great state of that once you hit like 11 And there's this invisible audience of everybody will be laughing at me, Mom, don't kiss me in front

of my friends, what will they say it's the invisible day. It's the everybody it's the everybody says When really, it was one kid that made some kind of snarky comment that may or may not even have been taken out of context. Well with social media and with our own self imposed narcissism and worry and fear of judgment because of how judgmental we are of everyone else. This is now carrying into adulthood, we I think we used to outgrow this, but now we carry around this invisible audience with us

everywhere. And I think for a lot of us, it is sabotaging great work we can do or bold moves we can make or big asks, we can ask or creativity that we can express because we are pre judging, right? Those of us that have been in sales, or in ministry, we get that like, Oh, they're not going to be open to that, or they're not going to whatever we prejudge, so we're

familiar on those terms. But we're like, Oh, nobody would like it, if I did that, or what would they say if I cut my hair that way or, and so we're not doing this big work or playing full out because we're so afraid of they have them. And so it kind of works both ways. Number one, we have to be okay with the

fact that they're judging when we are making some moves. But we also have to not be afraid to take those steps to speak up at the meeting at work to where the different color than you normally do or go to lunch with somebody that you see being shunned or whatever that is, I think many of us are depriving ourselves of our gifting of our unique ability to serve because we're preemptively we're preemptively stopping that judgment that may or may not even exist, the fear is because

you've heard the one voice or the one person that raised their eyebrow or gallery that your fear. And we used to outgrow it because we hung out with adults. But now we're online and people are so brave to be trolls and to be ugly and to to speak up that one negative book review out of 300 can sink you for days, like it invalidates all your work, you question yourself, I've got

a one star that's so invalid and so rude and ugly. But that now I have to laugh at it because everybody else is four and five stars. But we obsess about the one and then it becomes the like the old pest control commercial. If there's one that you see, there are 1000s that you don't see. Well, the fact is, that's the same way about positive people, the one that's outspoken, there are probably 5000 that are not telling you how great you are, how valid you are, or how, you know XYZ you

are. But we tend to magnify the and magnify the invisible audience of the critics, because of the one person that was that had that that toxicity that did speak up. So as a result before we hit publish your post or submit, we have that fear and we let them keep our good work from the world. And that's tragic. That's really, really tragic. You know, I don't remember the exact movie, but it was Bruce Willis. And he said quick, somebody called the way ambulance when you phrase it

that way when somebody hurt my feelings. So I'm going to deprive other people of the gospel, or I'm going to deprive other people of this empowerment or these practical steps. What if somebody was afraid of being criticized because they found the key to cancer. And so they didn't speak up because of the critics and because of Big Pharma and because of the backlash. And so as a result, we had people still dying. I mean, that is it's a selfish act. We have been gifted. You know, it's

the talent story. I told my best friend recently, I said, who if I never figured you for a digger. He said, What? I said, You're a digger. You're digging and hiding that talent. That's a shame. Hate to hear that, that surprises me. And that's all I had to say. Because he's familiar with the story, right? We can either multiply the talents, we can at least invest them and get a small return on the investment, or we can dig and hide and bury them, which does not behoove the master.

sounds weird. people that really know my story, know that I've lost a ton of weight. When I was in junior high. I remember a day, and I have a great family. I adore my family have all brothers. I asked my mom, Mom, do you think I'm pretty? I was getting out of the car to go into school? Do you think I'm pretty? And she said, Oh my goodness, I wouldn't give birth to a Warthog. Now get out and go to go into class. Well, that's

not what I needed to hear. I needed to know that I was attractive, I needed to know, every preteen girl needs to know that she's got some features that are beautiful, or at least that she can work with them. And so, so my whole life, I've kind of functioned on the basis of Well, I'm not a warthog, so there's that. Right. So with that just recently, you know, after losing weight, and then learning how to work with some tools like 120 pounds 140. Now Yeah, I now have lost more than

I am. Yeah. And I just had a photo shoot last week. And I'm looking at those photos. And I'm like, wow, they did so good. Look how pretty I look at and the feedback I'm getting is no carry that really is you that really is you you are that person. It's not just that you're not a warthog, you are that person. But let me give you another example. My daughter, she's a musical theater actress. She's pretty amazing. And she wants to be on Broadway. And she's always told herself, she

was not an athlete. She was an artist, not an athlete. She's an artist, but she just changed schools. And she decided that being on the cheer team would put her in a leadership position would help her be more visible to new people, and would get her involved in a deeper level. She didn't just want to be in the crowd and trying to break her weight yet. And so she made a choice to be on the cheer team. She has changed her mind. It's

been phenomenal to watch. Within the last two weeks, she has changed her mind that Yes, she is an athlete, she has started working out, she started eating differently. She started carrying herself differently. You know, her energy is different. It's been really phenomenal to watch someone change their core belief. And now she'll say she's an artist and an athlete. And so those are two examples. But I think we have to sometimes this is an old improv actor trick, but you

sometimes have to believe as if before it can ever happen. So the Bible says As a Man Thinketh right as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. And that's the core of all what people call positive thinking. We have to believe it in order to fulfill it. Because if we don't believe it, it can never be fulfilled. And even if it is fulfilled, we cannot embrace it. And we

sabotage it. Think of lottery winners and people that lose and regain and lose and regain weight or that divorce and they go through that same pattern over and over with the same kind of relationships, we have to believe at first, changing your mind about who you are or who you are, or what you can do or what you can't do or what you do deserve or don't deserve. That's the core of all personal development that leads to any kind of greatness in my opinion.