284. How to Date Without Abandoning Yourself

I feel so validated. Look, the government is going to do whatever it wants to do, so I just say we follow suit, and we also do whatever we want to do. Okay, fine, for readom let it rain. I don't really believe in beating a dead horse. I don't believe in talking about topics if I don't have a solution at hands, because all it does is really lower

our vibration. Unless you're reading something to gain knowledge and order to find a solution, talking about things that just make you feel upset doesn't actually help you nor the planet. The best thing you can do is hold yourself anchor yourself in a higher vibration and broadcast that. So that's what we're going to do, because we know as above

so below. The more we can place ourselves on our own pedestal, the more we can raise our vibration, the more that has a trickle down effect on this energetic ocean that we all reside within. Now, my mother is the culprit this week. Okay, we were sitting on the couch and she was telling me Christa, Christa, Christa, and I'm like, yes, Janie, just download a dating app. It will be funny. It's gonna be so fun I'm so

curious to see. I haven't been on a dating app in god knows how long, and we've all known that. I said I would never do it again. And now I'm about to be a hypocrite because here I go, and I can't lie about it. I won't lie about it anyway. My mom is saying, Chris, to just download it. I want to see what's out there. She thinks it's so magnificent that we have dating apps. She doesn't understand

that it's not a big deal. But to her it is a big deal because she's a boomer, and what do boomers do but make big deals out of everything. So she tells me download the app, and I said, I'll only download it. If you are me on it, you have to do it, because I'm not going to do it. I want to talk about dating today. But can I just tell you what this woman said, This is the only reason I will ever have a dating app on my phone is if my mom is actually

using it for me. These are some of her reactions. One person wrote they were retired and she goes, yeah, retired and poor okay, ses she sees the photo of a man and she goes, yep, couldn't look at him all day. Someone wrote that they went to ole miss and she goes, what is he talking about his grandmother for?

just to watch my mom experience it. I don't regret downloading it at all, just because I get to see through my mom's eyes on this technological app that she's never got to experience for herself, and it was the funniest thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life. I think I want to make a series where I don't really use the app, but it's just my mom responding to people on the app, because that is more joy than I fell in a really,

really long time. Anyway, re downloading the app, even just having it on my phone, I started thinking about how different my energy towards the apps are now than when I first got on them. And I've said this before, I'll say it again. I don't think the apps are demonic or evil. I have met My seven year relationship was on an app. I dated someone for about four months they were on an app. I had many relationships that I've learned so much through that came from an app.

And I want to talk about how to date in your magnetic energy, whether you are on the apps or you're just going out in the wild. I want to talk about the embodiment, because the embodiment is the most important thing. Whether you meet someone on an app or in person or at work. Your energy determines everything. Now, your higher self and your soulmates high your self, they are figuring out ways to get you too. Aligned. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to worry.

You just have to be focused on yourself, working on your energy, and really making sure that you are creating a fulfilling life. I have noticed key differences in myself that I'm really proud about and I'm really excited to share because I think it's gonna shift how we are dating and how we're going about things before we get into it. What's a positive bitches? How are you doing today?

If you're hearing this episode, then you are meant to be here, So keep listening on that Bitch is Positive podcast. Sometimes we're gonna laugh. Other times, baby, we're gonna cry, but we're always gonna walk away feeling our most empowered positive bitch self. That is a babe and true connection with herself, himself or self. You know, I don't care if you are in Alligan. If you want to step into your power, then this is the place to be and I am your perfect guide. So welcome on this podcast.

We unbecome who we are not, so we can fully step into exactly who we came here to be. Now, maybe you're thinking, Krista, you said you were never going on the apps again, and yeah, call me a hypocrite here I am in my hypocrite energy. I don't really believe in hardcore rules, even though I do have hardcore rules for myself. Again, I'm a hypocrite whatever. I more believe in following your intuition. I believe in following what feels right in that moment, as long as it's not

a harm to you or another person. If you feel an intuitive nudge to do something, then do it. Even my real estate agent was like, Krista, I really think you should get back on the apps. That's how he met his wife or soon to be wife. And I was like, yeah, thank you, but tried it, done it, and I don't really feel like doing it anymore. Then I had someone say, yeah, you might have tried it, but you've never tried it in this exact energy that you're in, and I said, yeah, that's fine, that's true,

but I really don't feel like it. And then with my mom, I just had a feeling it was going to be funny, so I did it, and again I don't regret it at all. This is just so funny. I have to make this a series. However, I want to talk about the difference between how I feel about it now, what I do now, both on an app and off an app, and everything I've learned thus far, because it's been a long freaking journey. The first thing I've learned is I'm not going to lead with my

resume anymore. I will not do that. So probably a year ago, when I was on dating apps, I had one of the prompts, say what is something you're most proud of? And I said starting my own business and getting my book published. I felt like I wasn't enough, so I had to subconsciously lead with what I've created, what I have done, what I've accomplished. So I would talk about the book that I wrote, the business I built.

But there are so many negative consequences of this, and I think a lot of us as women want to lead with I did this, and I did this, and I did this because we've been trying to prove that we are worthy since we've been born. It's such a disservice. First of all, if you lead with what you have built and what you have created, you're going to attract a feminine man. Why would that be? Polarity like attracts like. Except for polarity, we need feminine and masculine. It doesn't

matter if you're in a same sex couple. There's always a feminine energy and a masculine energy. It doesn't matter who you are or where you are, what your race is, doesn't matter your ethnicity. There is always a yin and a yang. When I was leading with my yang, what I've built, what I've done, I kept attracting feminine men, and on top of that, I would attract people who made me feel like I wasn't enough Because I already had that seat inside of me. I already felt like

I wasn't good enough. I already felt like I needed validation. I already was starving for someone to tell me how proud they were of me. That I would lead with insecurity, which only really planted more insecurity to grow in my life. I thought that because I didn't feel inherently enough, I had to prove that I was. Another part of this was I wanted someone successful, so I felt like I had to prove that I myself was successful but that's

not power. It was insecurity, and I now realize, Oh, it's not what I've built or what I've done that is magnificent or worthy or valuable. It is me. It's just me. It's my energy. My energy is the gift, not what I've done on the planet. Some of my clients have literally told me, I signed up just because I needed to sit in your energy for forty five minutes. Yes we do the work, Yes we do the healing, Yes we talk, but transmission is the real art of

it all. Me channeling divine energy to my client. That is the real work. This even goes for friendship and work partnership. Actually, this goes for everything. I recently was talking to someone about doing a brand deal, and I would not drop my price. I said, no, if you can't meet me here, then we're not working together. I rather have a zero dollars from you. If you can't pay me what I know I'm worth, then no, we're done. I don't need to sell myself. I don't need to perform.

I don't need to prove. And this is not a concept anymore. This is in action. This is embodiment. I actually don't want someone who potentially wants to date me, to even though I published a book, to even know I have a following, to even know what my business is doing. I don't even want them to know, because I don't want them to like me for it. I don't you have to like me for me, for my energy,

for what I embody or else. Get out of here, because if I attracted you because of what I built, your feminine man, and I want nothing to do with you. I just need to be me and my person will see me, value me, and love me. You need to remember that it's not about your degree or certification, or what you built or what you saved. It's about you as a divine, feminine energy. Your energy is what makes a house a home. Your essence is the magic. On

top of lesson one comes lesson two. I realize, right, I don't have to prove I'm successful in order to attract a successful man. I don't necessarily need to be matched in the physical I need to be complimented. If you think about let's say you're on a soccer team, you don't want someone with your same exact strength. You need someone who's a good goalie, someone who's good on defense, someone who's good on offense. You need people with different

strengths to make a good team. I used to think I need someone who knows exactly what I know, who can meet me exactly and every single thing in my brain. But that's not true. Those things are my strengths. That's what I bring into a loving relationship, That's what I broadcast. What I actually need is someone to balance me so we make a good team. What I actually need is someone who's mastered the physical world in a way that

allows me to relax into my flow. I need someone who creates safety, especially financial safety, so I don't have to be stressed out and I can be the channel that I am so I can focus on my arnt, my creation. I don't need someone coming into my orbit and making my life more difficult. You either make my life easier or there's no point. And why is that? I have to protect my mission. I'm on divine assignment

and above all else, it must be protected. So if you want to hate yourself through me, you have to go. If you're gonna get insecure, you have to go. If you're going to attack my light, you have to go. I tried to date people who maybe they were figuring things out. Maybe they had a potential, maybe this maybe that it never works. It never works because they end up hating you for doing what they cannot. They hate

you for doing what they cannot. I realize I do not have to have what I require in another I'm not requiring my future husband to understand energy the way I do, to be the channel that I am. I'm not requiring that. I'm not requiring him to write books or have online courses or following. I am requiring different things though a healthy bank account, a healthy human more financially stable than me. I would really desire that someone who has their shit figured out even more than me.

If you can teach me something, you're in, if you have intellect, you're in shared values. Even if we have different strengths, we are not here to be the same. We're here to be a team. And I would just feel so insecure. Well, if I don't have X amount of dollars, and how can I require that of my partner? Actually I need that. It's a need, it's a requirement, it's a standard, and I'm standing on that standard. I

think about my mother and father. They do not have the same strengths they have exact opposite strengths, and that is what has made my life so much better. I could go to my mother for something more emotional, father for something more intellectual. I need someone who is a

great compliment to me. So as you're dating, instead of looking for someone who knows every conspiracy theory that you do, who lives in the same exact world that you live in, look for someone who compliments your reality, who compliments your energy, who compliments you, Who's going to make a good team for your future children if you choose to have them, for your future businesses, if you choose to do that together, you need someone who is going to compliment you, not

be exactly you. Number three. I no longer attach meaning when there is none. Now this is just my experiences dating that the people I've been meeting out and about if someone doesn't follow up, or there's no second date, or if they disappear. I used to spiral with a capital S. I used to think, why what did I do?

What does this mean? And now I've realized when people meet me subconsciously, if they feel like they can't emotionally meet me, intellectually, meet me financially meet me, they bow out, they bow out. They might not want to do the work to rise, and I don't want to wait for them to do the rising either, So I'm so happy to just say goodbye. I don't attach a story that's gonna hurt me. I don't attach a story of but

what if it could be? No, you're clearly not my person, because my person would stay, my person would fight for me, my person would do more. And you know, peace be with you. Jesus wept. I'm good now. I'm just one step closer to my husband, and that makes me excited. That makes me happy. If someone can't give you what you want while you're dating, don't cling on to who they could be, who you wish they could one day become.

Just say thank you so much for leaving my life so I can now become one step closer to my husband, so I can now get one step closer to finding my truth, my clarity. It is magic. Honestly, when someone drops out of my reality, I have no emotional reaction besides happiness. I think great, they left, so I don't have to cut them out. Awesome. Number four. I no longer choose intensity over intentionality. I used to prioritize chemistry, the spark, the familiar feeling, Oh my god, I've known

you before. I still require a soul recognition, but it's not the only thing that's going to put me into a dynamic with someone. I would meet someone and have soul recognition and think that's all I need. They're cute, they're kind. The sole recognition is there, but maybe they don't have their shit figured out, or maybe they're in transition, or maybe they live too far. If that is there,

it's over. It's over before it started. When I'm with someone who doesn't have their life together and I do like I said, they get and secure, they start bleeding on me, they hate themselves through me. I'm just not doing it anymore. I feel so much freer being intentional rather than just having this feeling lead me. I even think in the Bible it says something about the heart may deceive you. Sometimes your feelings do deceive you. Sole recognition is real, but you have to translate what your

soul's even recognizing. Is this someone that you've had a traumatic pass with. Is this someone you have to clear karmo with? Is this someone who's going to be a soul relationship where they can give you love and expand your heart. Just because their sole recognition doesn't mean you're going to be their wife. It doesn't mean they are your husband. It doesn't mean that you're meant to be together forever. It just means sole recognition, point blank period.

That's it. That's it. That's it. I've gone through so many karma relationships that now I'm like, all right, yeah, maybe I recognize you on a soul level, but that's not enough to have a relationship that is not a stable foundation. Familiarity of a soul is not a stable foundation. It just means our soul is familiar. That's it. So now I'm looking for intentionality over intensity, compatibility over potential, and stability over fantasy. I don't care who you could be.

I don't care what you think you can do. I actually don't care what you say. I have one guy that I was dating always tell me I just want to take care of you. I just want to take care of you. Then do it. Do it if that's what you want to do so badly. Do it. When I say I want to lose weight, I do it. When I say I want to make more money, I do it. When I say I'm going to go to a workout class, I do it. When I make plans, I go to them. I don't just say what I would do what I want to do. I do the

things I say I want to do. I don't have these flimsy, whimsical desires that have no goal or action plan. I simply do what I want to do. Don't get caught up in people's words. Number five, I stand on my standards without explaining them. My standards are my standards because they're my standards. Okay, that's it. You don't have to like them, you don't have to agree with them. You are free to leave my reality goodbye. Don't let the door hit you on the way outside. And nah huh.

I've never looked at a man with high standards and thought, wow, there's really something wrong with you. Should lower your standard. I don't think that way. You know I. You know I because I have self worth. When someone in my past has tried to tell me your standard is too high or this or that, they're just saying that because they can't meet it. Awkward way to expose yourself. Just move out of my husband's way. When someone attacks your standards.

It's because they feel they are below them. That's not your problem, that's a them pattern. Let it go. Let it go, I will say, since downloading this app, I can just feel as soon as I see someone's profile, what they're about and what they're doing. I'm just gonna say this, I have not had these ex experiences on the app. Yex I'm really not using it. When I used to be on the app, I would allow men to talk to me forever before actually doing anything about it.

And I've had men literally tell me they use the dating apps for validation. They just use it because they're bored. They just want to see what else is out there. Be really intentional about where you give your time and your energy. If they don't immediately ask you out, you're done. If they ask you to come over for a movie, you're done. If they are trying to text you all day, how are you good? How are you? How are you? How are you? They're done. You gotta understand not everyone

on the app is being as intentional as you. Not everyone wants the same things. Not everyone wants to treat you with respect. Some people are just looking to get a quick fix. Okay, Be discerning in real life, at the workplace, on an app, on Instagram. Be discerning about who you allow into your reality, that's all. And when you notice I can't give you what you want, that's not an invitation for you to prove yourself. It's a reminder to remove them, unmatch them. They are not yours. Oh,

I totally forgot to say. The only reason I even allowed my mother to convince me to re download a dating app is because she used to tell me every other week, chrisa just get on the apps, like I have a feeling like to see what's out there. And I would tell her, a, Janie, I don't need to do that. Men come up to me. I walk outside and breathe and there's a man in my face. Out of the clouds. I think, where did you even come from? I don't need the apps. And I would tell her that.

And I also told her until I'm done with my second book, no, it's a hard no. After if you still want me to and you feel like you have this motherly intuition of something, then maybe afterwards. But right now, like I am way too busy, and honestly, I'm still too busy. That's why I can't really answer people, because right now I'm doing a new detox, I'm on a cleanse. I'm really serious about it. If I do something, I

do not cheat. My mom was thinking she was gonna do it too, and she asked me, can I cheat? I go why would you cheat? You just cheat yourself. Make it make sense. I'm going through a major rebrand. I have so many things. Oh, I'm in the process of I can't even remember the process of moving, Like, I don't have time to be like, hey, how are you The weather's so nice. I don't give a flying duck. I don't give a flying duck about what the weather is doing. I don't care. Either do something or don't.

Just ugh, I'm really fun. Oh. And the other thing is I literally do not drink ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. I don't. I'm not doing the drinking thing. My health is way too important to me to ever have a sip of alcol literally ever again. And maybe one day I'll be like, hey, guys, I'm a hypocrite again. I

don't think so. Though. Also, that's so different when dating, because now if I see a guy who has pictures with alcohol, ill, if I see a man in a sports jersey ill, and maybe I'll eat my words one day, I don't think. So, why are you wearing another man's jersey. You've made an idol out of a man who doesn't even know you. You have put a man on a pedestal who doesn't even know you. You pay that man's bills and he doesn't even know you. I can't. And

maybe you're thinking, Chris, so you're so judgmental. You're damn right. I am. Yeah. God gave me a brain. Don't use it, and I will judge. I will judge you, and I will make conclusions off those judgments. Thank you. Number six. My solitude is so good you have to compete with it. I think this is one of the more important ones. There was a time when I would be on dating apps that I would just let way too much ship fly.

At this point, like I've said, I'm really busy. I'm literally cultivating empire, if you will, okay a whole queendom. I love my energy, I love my life, I love my solitude. So the person I choose has to be so good that I'm willing to trade some of that solitude for that person. And I'm not gonna go on this is my new thing that I want to I used to kind of like a walk to get to know someone before dinner. But now if there's a question if I like you, I don't want to go on

a walk with you. I used to like to just fit it into my schedule. I don't want to do it anymore. I've done enough. And sometimes you have to experience something to come out of the other end of it and think, actually, this doesn't work for me. The person I choose has to be so amazing that I'm willing to trade my alone time or my time with God with them. And that's gonna be a high bar,

and I'm not dropping that bar. I couldn't have gotten into this headspace though, without falling in love with myself, building my life and becoming my own safety. If you don't have your ducks in a row, do not try to get into a relationship. I used to want a relationship as a distraction from my life. My life is so busy right now. I don't have time for distractions. So my gates that are opened for love or a relationship are it's so narrow. Who's gonna get in? They

have to be the best of the best. They can't just be mumbo jumbo whatever. You have to be the best of the best, because I literally don't have time to waste. I don't I'm a busy person. If you're not giving the positive energy, if you're not adding to my life, what are we doing. I'm gonna add to your life. I know what I add. So if you're not doing the same, what are we doing? Number seven

is this is my favorite thing. Actually, when I re downloaded the app and my mom was on it, I've realized I don't get this high from it anymore, which is amazing. I'm so happy. And it surprised me though, because I used to get such a high from like Ooh, who's this? Who's that? It used to give me a rush because it was a distraction. I didn't like where my business was, or I wanted more in life, and instead of focusing on building that, I would just go

and date and distract. And now it's like the book that I just finished writing is so much more interesting than any of these people's conversations. My life is interesting, my friends are interesting, my inner world is richer. That I don't need. I don't need a distraction. I don't even have time for it, but even if I did, I don't need it and I don't want it because

I'm building something that's important to me. So when I meet someone or connect with someone who can't meet me, it's so easy to walk away because I have something to walk into, I have somewhere to rest my head, I have something to look forward to and to build. There's no drama, there's no attachment, there's no story. I just disconnect from them in the easiest, healthiest possible way

because there's just there's no cord there. And I really think, if you're gonna date, please do it when you get to a place where you feel good about yourself, where you feel powerful in who you are. I dated when I wasn't powerful. I've dated when I was insecure, and I still attracted people who taught me things, and that's fine.

But it's such a better experience just meeting people and going out and dating as someone who knows who they are, because I'm less willing to accept low quality experiences or low vibrational people. I have a backbone because I'm protecting myself, my inner child and what I've built. Number eight, I just feel like saying this. I think it's important. I'm always going to admit that I want love. I love love,

and I want it. I think some people get bitter and they try to pretend I'm fine without a relationship. I don't need no, man, I don't need Okay, well, I want one, Hi, I want one. I want one. I care. I love love. I'm not going to force something that's misaligned. I'm not going to make a square peg fit into a round hole. Absolutely not. My standard is high, and I'm sitting on that standard. I'm standing on that standard. I really have an amazing idea of

what I desire and not willing to settle. But I'm also not going to deny that I desire divine union. And I really believe that my process of divine union is meant to be shown with other people. I think it's meant to be shared with other people. I think I'm meant to experience this publicly because we're going to learn a lot from each other. Denial doesn't make you powerful. Honesty does. And that's why I'm even being honest that my mother finally got one over me, damn it, and

we're gonna see what happens. I might delete this tomorrow or in like two hours. So don't hold me to actually using this app. I don't know if I will. I don't know I even when I had it a year ago. I would never scroll on the dating apps. I'll either accept you or deny you. But there's just so many people on there. It's like overwhelming to me, and then I end up not using it. You know when you get so many text messages that you are so overwhelmed that you answer none of them. That's kind

of what happens to me. So I might come on here next weekend. It's already deleted. Don't hold me to this, but I figured we might as well talk about dating and talk about what I've learned. I'm just reflecting on my experiences. We're meant to live life. Okay, we're meant to live life. And this isn't about scripts or rules. This is about your energy that you broadcast your self. Concept.

My person might even find me on an app, but I probably will never get to his profile and delete it before I even connect with him, so then I'll just have to find me in the real world anyway, So good luck you future husband figure it out. I know you will, because I'm gonna marry you one day, so you must not be a stud. Nod and if you are unbecome one really quickly. Okay, I love you so much and I'll see you the next one.