216. Go From Miserable To Magnetic: Dating

who we came here to be. Today, we are going to talk about how to go from miserable to magnetic, how to d center all of the limiting beliefs we have about day and put ourselves back on the pedestal, and how to remember the truth about others in relation to the self. I think a lot of us experience dating burnout because we don't use our divine feminine power. I think we are dropping our standards and our boundaries, ignoring red flags and then getting mad that we didn't

read the writing on the wall. When people show us exactly who they've been telling us that they were, there are going to be many different people you experience that teach you many different lessons. How we cultivate meaning around those lessons will dictate how we feel. I'm going to give you tips and tricks today on how to get back into your magnetic energy so you don't allow other people outside of you to control your mood, your feelings,

your day, your life. Because true being magnetic means that we are in control of ourself. We are connected to ourselves, not connected to the limiting beliefs and narratives that the world wants us to believe are true. Before we get into it, a couple of announcements. If you have not yet joined Shadow Alchemy, you definitely want to join this course.

It is so powerful to finally take a stand over your own life and take your power back, release the shame, the limiting identities that other people have projected onto you. If you're ready to magnetize towards you a better timeline, if you're ready to fully step into your authentic self, if you're ready to attract better people and opportunities, then the Shadow Alchemy course is absolutely for you. There is dynamic video lessons, there's an act devation through somatic healing,

also a meditation. You know I give you affirmations and journal prompts and so much more. This link will be in the show notes. If you're not yet following me on Instagram at Vibe with CC, be sure to follow me there. And of course, if you've not yet gotten your copy of Show Up as Her, you can also find these links in the show notes. If you are wanting one on one guidance, I am a certified life and energy coach and I do offer one on one coaching. You can reach out to me on Instagram, send me

over a DM and I will respond back to you there. Now, let's get into today's topic, because come on, my shirt says yeha. So I just know it's going to be a good episode. Someone asked, because I said on an Instagram story, choose what chooses you? Someone asked, choose what chooses you?

my god, I'm loving life. I have to be honest, I am loving it now. I've only been single for six months. And I understand some of us are like, I've been single for six years. Okay, all right, bitch, tell me how I'm supposed to be happy about that. Look, I get it. We're gonna talk about it. Okay, we're gonna untangle it all. So when I got out of my relationship, I went from someone texting me good morning

every single morning. I went from the security of knowing this is my person to now, whoa, I'm in this dating pool with a bunch of randoms. Who are you people? And what are the rules? Again? And I found myself in a similar situation, like, oh my god, they're not texting me good morning every single morning. I don't understand what is going on? Do they like me? Do they not? I don't really get this dynamic. So here's my answer for what's considered normal after six months. This is what

I found. Number One, it depends on who the person is because I've had people who I was just getting to know and they were texting me a paragraph good morning and positive affirmations every single day. That was how they communicated. Then I've had people who I was getting to know, who I've hung out with, and they also were so much about me when we were together, and when we did talk on the phone or something, they were very interested in the conversation, asking me a million questions.

I could tell they were into me, but they didn't text me every single day, and they weren't sending me a paragraph every single morning. So the number one thing we have to understand is different people have different communication styles. To know thyself is the golden key. You have to know what you want and what you need, because what you want and what you need you can absolutely have.

There are people who have similar communication styles to you, but it's just up to you to know what is it that I really want a need for me personally, it sounds good as a concept to have someone texting me a paragraph of affirmations every single morning, and it was nice. However, I found it to be a lot. I prefer my partner to be busier. I don't want them to have that much time that they can send me a huge paragraph every single morning reciting parables from

the Bible. I okay, great energy, but I just think as a man, as a grown man, adult, as an adult man specimen. I would really hope you have other things going on that you don't have the time to do that. For me, that was a lot, but maybe for someone else they would like. You know what, I wish I could do everyone who I meet who I'm like, uh, I'm not really into this. I kind of just want to like post them onto my Instagram and be like, Okay, everyone,

here are the attributes this person has. This is what they look like. Who wantsome.

what I personally think is normal. You start talking to someone, whether you meet them at a bar or on a dating app, and you text a couple of times a week. That is probably how it's gonna be for the first couple of weeks, Like week one, then you hang out once, Week two, you hang out once, Week three, you hang

out once. Probably around week four you're hanging out once to twice, and you're gonna start texting more, not just a couple of times a week, but maybe like most of the week, there should be some sort of phone call in. There doesn't have to be every day, but again, it depends on you and that person. I've had situations where I didn't even meet them yet because I met them off of an app and they were calling me every single day and we would be on the phone

for like an hour. Then I had other situations where I actually liked the person more and we only talked a couple of times during the week, but we would have amazing dates. When you're casually dating, I don't think it's necessary that you talk to this person for three hours every single day. I think it kind of, I don't know, like takes away the magic. You're just getting to know this person and you're never gonna have this season ever again, where you're just getting to know them.

Eventually you're gonna know everything about them, like they are the back of your hand. So really revel in the season and respect the season for what it is. This is a season of you getting to know them. So if for the first month you're talking a couple of times a week and at least hanging out once a week, that's fine. The second month, maybe you're hanging out once

or twice a week, but you're talking more. What I would say you want to look out for is every time you end a date, is there an another date lined up? Are they saying I want to see you again and planning it, because those are all green flags. Green flags are texting a couple times a week or more, seeing each other once a week at first or more, but always making sure that this person is saying and I want to see you again and putting it on

the calendar. I have to be honest. I'm not someone who's like I hate men, I love men, I love women, I love everyone. There are good and bad people across the board. That's just life. When a man wants to see you again, it's very obvious he tells you men are not complex creatures. They really aren't. Women are complex. We are complex. We are decoding everything we're thinking about yesterday, tomorrow and the present moment. We are much more complex creatures.

We are drawing connections where maybe there really aren't any. Men are really simple. If they like you, you will know they will call you, they will text you, they will make a plan to see you. These men who never actually make a solid plan to see you are just using you for entertainment, unplug or their avoidance or who cares. It doesn't matter. If they're not sending a date to see you, it's not real. Oh my god,

I don't know if I said this. The amount of men who are like you are my wife and then show no action that I am their wife is astonishing. I didn't know this is how men spoke to women now. They just tell you they want to marry you off the bat, but then do no action in accordance to that. Words really don't matter. If their words align with their action and both are good, then fine. But words don't matter. Look for action. Are they calling you? Are they texting you?

Are they planning a date? You'll know they're breadcrumbing you if they're never planning to actually see you, and if they're not seeing you at least once a week, I don't care how busy someone is. I know men who are in very high powered, high stress jobs, and they are texting or calling their women in between meetings. They're checking in with their family in between meetings. That is be as if they try to tell you anything besides that.

I also think if you're dating someone and you want it to go somewhere and you're not getting enough communication, there's nothing wrong with saying something. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. I was dating someone who would text me a couple of times a week, but we were getting to a point where I needed more communication if he wanted me to like him. Because here's the thing. You really are the prize as the divine feminine. If people want to say that's not the truth, Okay, die mad,

I don't know what to tell you. That's the truth. You are the prize. You are the portal to other dimensions. You are what makes a house a home. You really bring energy into a divine masculine life that other masculine energies cannot bring. Okay. The way I think about it, and this is a mindset shift. This is a magnetic mindset shift for you to adopt, to go from miserable to magnetic. This is what I want you to think. This is not about me needing this person to do

or text me or say something. If they want me to like them, they need to pursue me. They need to court me. They need to make me interested in them. Because here's the thing. This person wasn't really texting me or calling me. And I literally told him, look, if you want me to like you, you have to put an effort in communication or else I don't really remember that you exist. And I didn't say it exactly like that. I just said, we rarely talk, and you know it's

hard for me to connect if we rarely talk. So if you do want this to go somewhere, I think we need more communication. During the week, he heard me, and he put it and more effort and more communication. Some people just don't have the same communication style or skill as you. Some people just don't know what to do because everyone's so scared nowadays. It makes me sick. I have to say, it makes me sick, how like scared? Some I can't even call the men boys are to communicate and put an effort?

they don't really feel connected to our relationship. And if they can't raise the level of communication after you communicated what you need, then they're just not for you. They're not that interested, or it's just not a good match of communication style and personality type. But I do think it's important either way to remember if they are the masculine energy, they need to be the one to really show you that they want you. They're gonna do what they have to do to get you, and they're giving

you energy they're gonna pursue to you. The masculine energy is a giver and the feminine energy is the receiver. So if you're not sure whether someone is pursuing you or not, they're just a friend, that's it. If you're not sure if they're breadcrumbing you, pursuing you, texting, you don't know what it is. They are a homie, they are a friend. They are just a fellow human. That's all.

courtship happening. You will know based on how they look at you, how they respond to you, and how they plan dates with you. So is texting every day of the utmost importance. No, Actually, what I think is actually important is them setting into action plans to see you. Now, that's at the beginning. If at three months you're not really talking every day, that I would say is weird. Now that's weird. Three months into it, you should be

talking on a daily basis. We should now kind of be getting to a place of what are we because maybe you needed three months to get to know one another, but now it's like, all right, are we gonna be girlfriend and boyfriend or are we going separate ways? What's happening? If you don't know what you are at five months, that is not cute. I don't like that means that person isn't serious, and just cut it off. The only thing worse than being in a situationship for a year

is being in a situationship for a year and one day. Okay, so just cut it off. If they don't know what they want, you don't know what it is, just get out of there. But I really do think this is so much simpler than we think because men are pretty simple. They're pretty simple. If they want to see you, they'll say that. If they're interested in getting to know you more, they'll say that. If they want to speak to you,

they will. If you're not sure, and you guys are seeing each other and there is a bit of texting, say something you have to communicate. You're wanting them to communicate, but you won't even communicate. So take autonomy and use your free will where you can and say something, but not in a blamey way. You never text me manmute. No, that's naggy and that's annoying, just in a hey, if you want this to continue, I definitely need more communication

because that's how I feel connected to someone. Another question is, please, please please, for one of your podcasts, can you talk about not falling back into chaser energy. I'm having a terrible time with a guy I was seeing, and now he just keeps coming in and out. And I always think I've got a grip on my self concept, but the minute he pops up, I fall back into chaser energy and he goes off again. Whatever you allow, you amplify. If you keep allowing someone to come in and out

of your life, you are amplifying that behavior. You are positively reinforcing. You're allowed to leave and then you're allowed to come back. You need to take accountability for what you're doing in this dynamic. This person is not playing you. They're not playing you because they have not only told you I'm sure, but they literally show you who they are. And you're still like it's fine, and it's dandy, keep going in and out. You need to take responsibility, put

up a boundary. Hey, look, I'm not interested in this dynamic of on again, off again. It is boring to me. The best thing you can tell them is, look, this is a turnoff. I'm turned off by inconsistency. I personally, here's another magnetic mindset shift. I am not turned on by nonchalant men. I'm sorry. I have a love for ancient architecture. I love poetry, I read philosophy. I will not, Oh my god, I will not allow a nonchalant man in my orbit, because you know what that would do

to my energy. It would suck it out, and it would kill it, kill it, kill it. I am a deep feeler. I'm a deep lover. I always say this. I have absolutely no riz. I just have huge eyes and very unsettling things to say. I know myself again, that's golden key. Know thyself, because then you can know what thyself wants. I know myself, and I know that a nonchalant man would make my anxiety skyrocket. Okay, if

you know that, you are a lover girl. You love poetry, you love reading, you love architecture, you love to pretend that you're a Victorian princess. The nonchalant man who's on again, off again is not your person. That is not your person. It's not just about who we have chemistry with. It's who's gonna be a good partner to me and for me? Who does this person allow me to be If someone comes in and out of your life and they're activating the anxious, needy version of you, that's not a good

partner for you. I don't care if you have chemistry with them, because chemistry means nothing. I can have chemistry with the mailman, it doesn't mean I have to marry them. You're going to have chemistry with people because they remind you of trauma you've had in your past. You're gonna have chemistry with people because sometimes they're coming in to clear a karmic cord. You're gonna sometimes just have chemistry with people, but that doesn't mean that they are your

soul mate. There's a difference between chemistry, chemicals going off in your head, and a cosmic connection someone who's from a past life and who's gonna be a good partner to you in this one. Chemistry will make you feel oooo. You're gonna have so much emotion for them, but you don't even know them. They're gonna make you feel like you are a firework. It's gonna be intense and hot and heavy and then extremely cold within the same amount of time. You don't want a microwave. You want to

slower burn. A slow burn allows you to feel safe with that person. It's a good sign that it's a cosmic connection rather than chemistry, and it will allow you to build a partnership, create something together that's more than just chemistry. It's gonna allow you to cultivate. It's something that's long lasting. So really, you have so much power in this dynamic. You just keep allowing them to come in and out. If you say, I'm not doing this

anymore because it's a turn off. Again, this person's supposed to be convincing you, courting you, showing you that they're the one, they're just showing you that they have zero capacity to be in a real relationship. Why are you wanting that? Why are you allowing that? That's what I want to know. Flip the script. Instead of asking yourself why don't they like me? Why are they coming in and out? Say why do I want someone who's like this. Why do I want someone who comes in and out?

Switch the subject of your sentence with the object and make yourself the subject again? Why do I want someone who comes in and out not? Why do they come in and out of my life? Why do I feel like I have to prove myself to them? Why do I want to prove myself to them?

I don't understand why anyone thinks nonchalant men or men who are not courting us is attractive. Uh, what are you serving me? Silence? I can just go on a walk. What are you adding to my life? Confusion? No, thank you? If you are not uplifting my life in any way, why would I allow you into it? And that's just intimate relationships, that's friendships, that's business partnerships, that's anything. If someone is not making your life better, why why are

you allowing them into it? If you're having trouble setting boundaries with other people, I highly recommend you join the Pedestal Path course and you get the Divine Feminine Healing Workbook. In the Divine Feminine Healing Workbook, I literally give you a script for how to set boundaries and will also help you activate your dark divine feminine, which will empower you to choose yourself instead of choosing people who are

nonchalant and are not choosing you. The Pedestal Path course will help you understand why you're attracted to certain dynamics. It will help you regulate your nervous system, and it's also going to help you place yourself back on the pedestal, decentering the people who refuse to center you, because really, this is not about other people. This is about you.

It's about the dynamics you're attracting. You do have so much power, and honestly, no one's that great, no one's that interesting, and no one is worth you betraying yourself. No one is worth it. I really think it's so important that you recognize your own self worth and what you embody. And if you feel like CC, I don't really know my self worth, okay, you need to take the shadow Alchemy course so that you can release the

shame and cultivate the confidence. I just hate to see us playing ourselves because really a lot of these people out here, they're not making the plans with you. They're not texting you, they're not calling you, they're not pursuing you. They're saying they're in transition, they're not ready for a relationship, and we're thinking we can convince them. But that's not

how men operate. They don't operate like that. They know relatively soon early whether or not they want to pursue a relationship with you, if it's not blatantly obvious that they're pursuing you. They probably aren't. And maybe that sounds harsh, but I'd rather you have a tough pill to swallow now than choke later. No one is worth you getting anxious and confused and upset because they're just not the

right person for you. And also, if you are begging a man to give you attention and love and affection and communication, just take yourself outside of your body for a moment. Aren't you giving yourself the ick right now? Like I beg for a man to love me one time hard, I look back and I'm like, what was that. I send her grace and love and patience and compassion, but oh my god, I would never do that again.

I am done. I want you to get the ick about the behavior of begging for a man to love you or like you, because that is roles are so reverse. There, the divine feminine is the most magnetic, most attractive, most powerful. When she says on her pedestal, allowing in the masculine's energy. The masculine is meant to be the pursuer. The egg swims to the sperm. It's literally science. Get it through your head. Get it through your head, and get icked out that you would ever sit around and wait for

a man ew ew. Get picked out that you would ever sit around and beg for a man ew get icked out that you would ever try to convince someone or manipulate yourself so that they like you.

require you to abandon yourself to love you. You begging someone to love you, giving them more energy than they're giving you, you're gonna end up resenting them and hating yourself. So I would cut that out if I were you. But ultimately, that's just a sign that they are not yours. And I feel like every time someone isn't the right person for me, or someone breaks my heart, I just get more excited for my soulmate because if I liked this person and they're not it, and you can't lose

what's not yours and everything only gets better. Then if they weren't that bad, my actual partner is gonna be freaking amazing. I can't wait for that. That's so exciting. Someone also said there this is a big general question. What does casually dating multiple people look like when you're trying to find the one. I understand that a lot of us are wanting to find the one, but sometimes I feel like that limits us because we're going out and we're thinking I have to find the one. I

have to find the one. Now you're stressed out, you're not in your authentic energy, and you're looking outside of yourself if you want to go from miserable to magnetic and find the one, instead of having the intention of finding the one, finding the one, finding the one, can you intend to enjoy the season you're in. Can you intend to have fun in the skin that you're in. Can you intend to have patience and allow Divinity to

do its thing to bring you your best partner. I've been reading a lot about this mystical community called the Scenes that Jesus and the Blessed Mother Mary were a part of in Jesus's lost years. And in this community it was the elders who would match make couples based on their energy and their astrology. And it was said that the Blessed Mother Mary was one of these matchmakers

and actually match Jesus with Mary Magdalene. And what you can do if you do want to call in the one, you can call on the Blessed Mother Mary to help awaken your soulmate and to begin to close the gap between you and your soulmate. Call on divine assistance, because so many of us are relying on only ourself to find the one, when your higher self and their higher self have already made some sort of plan for you

to meet. If you want to make this plan move a bit more efficiently, if you want it to be a bit more seamless. It doesn't matter what religion you are. Call on the Blessed Mother Mary to start collapsing the gap between you and your soulmate now. While you're doing this, the other part of this is there is a reason your soulmate's not in front of you right now. They may still have some things they need to work on, and you may have some things you need to work on.

So while you're asking either the Blessed Mother or your spirit guides to close the gap between you and your soulmate, I also want you to ask them the question, and what do I need to focus on during this season? What do I need to work on cultivating? What do I need to work on growing within myself? What area of my life needs my energy? If your person was meant to be here right now, I truly think they

would be And I'll use myself for an example. I'm not in a serious relationship right now because I truly believe that in this season I'm meant to be pouring into myself. I truly believe my main focus right now is meant to be me. One day I will be in a committed relationship with a family, and I will never have this much me time to focus on my mission that God has bestowed upon me. I'm never going to have this much time to pump out the content

to connect, to create courses. I'm never gonna have this much time because right now my responsibility is basically just me and some other familial stuff, but basically just me. So I when I talk to the blessed Mother Mary, I always say, and what should I be focusing on right now? And for me, it's health, it's abundance, it's my mission, it's my creativity, and it's connecting to God,

really being disciplined with my spirituality. There is something in your current season that you're meant to be looking at. Look at it, look at it, lean into it. And it doesn't mean you stop dating. It doesn't mean that you stop having the desire for wanting that person. It just means that you release some of the resistance around it. Because if you're only looking for your person, that's so

much anxiety, that's so much resistance. But when you say, and what do I need to be working on right now? You put yourself back on your pedestal. It's a magnetic mindset shift, and you now release the resistance and make room for you, your person to come in. Think about all those people who want a baby so bad they can't get pregnant. Then they adopt, and then they get pregnant.

They then get pregnant after the adoption because they eased up on the anxiety, on the resistance, and they allowed themselves to get in the vibration of having a child rather than the vibration of wanting a child. If you want to get into the vibration of having love rather than wanting love, ask what you need to be focused on right now. Maybe it's self love, love of a family member, love of a friend, love of creating. I literally heard God say to me, Ceci, I don't want

you falling in love with another person right now. I want you falling in love with the process of creation. And I said, okay, I'll try not to, but we know me I just love. Love can't help can't help a girl who loves love. But I really have been focused. With that being said, let yourself intend to focus on you, and let yourself intend to have fun. You can still be open to love. You can still look for your person, but when you're obsessively scanning and hypervigilant, you do create

that resistance and you do get miserable. And I also think that so many of us aren't using our intuition. When I'm on a dating app or I'm meeting someone, I don't just allow anyone who wants me into my life. I use my intuition. How does my body feel? What do I feel about this person? How am I responding? If I meet someone or align with someone on a dating app. Before I ever meet them, I FaceTime with them.

Do you know how many people their profile was fine, but when we facetimed, their voice didn't resonate with me. The way they moved, their personality did not resonate with me. Because you can't really tell from a profile all the time. You can sit back and feel into it, but if you're not sure, don't waste all of your time getting ready and going out, and say, let's FaceTime first, get on a call, see how it feels. That will allow

you to not burn out as quickly. We have to think and feel before we just do so before we just go on the date, FaceTime with them first, feel into the profile. Don't just go out with anyone who asks you. You have to be your own protector here and say, well, what does this feel like to me? What is my intuition telling me? And you know, you do know, and if you're not your FaceTime with them, and then you'll definitely know. But we really do know,

we can feel it. But there are ways we can avoid burnout by focusing on what does my current season invite me to do. Let me FaceTime with them first. Let me not chase a nonchalant man. Let me instead see that that is a turnoff that is unattractive. Let me stop allowing what I do not want to amplify.

you once a week. Once a week is a good solid amount of time for the first month, maybe second month, it's like twice a week, third month, it's like maybe twice a week, once a week. I still think that's fine. Allow things to unfold for you. You don't have to control everything. I do want to mention some red flags I've been seeing. So the biggest red flag is if they say they want to make plans sometime soon. That's

not real. If they're not saying an exact date and setting it up with you right then and there, they are not looking to date you. They're looking for entertainment god knows what, but it's not real. Don't believe them. They either say a date or it's not happening. Number two, if they say they're in transition, run run. That is someone who's confused and doesn't know what they want, which is fine, respect their spiritual journey. But you don't want

to be on a saillless sailboat because that's directionless. A sailboat with no sales is not going in any direction. It's just floundering, and you don't want to be floundering. Okay. Number three, if they talk about how much money they have, how much like success they have, this and that. If they're always talking about it, they're talking about it because

they don't actually have it. They might have like a little bit of it, but if they have to lead with that twenty four to seven, it's because they have low confidence, they're insecure, and they really don't even have what they're trying to promote that they have. They're using it as a mask to try to attract people towards them. It's not real though, So you don't want that, and you don't want an insecure man because they will try to bleed the energy out of you and that's just

simply not worth it. Another red flag is if the communication isn't leveling up. So if they're only talking to you on the app or they're only texting you, but they never move that up to a call or a FaceTime or seeing you in person. If there's no progression of seeing you more or talking to you more over time, that is a red flag. I'm not saying that has to happen in one week or one day, but there

should be a progression. If you're talking still for two weeks only on texts and there's not been any greater communication, that is a red flag. Something's weird with that. They should be calling you or asking to see you in person. Another red flag is that their words and their actions are not in alignment. They say they want a wife, they want this, they want to take you here, here,

and here. But if they're never actually putting those words into a plan and they're never taking action, red flags. They want to be about it, but they aren't. Cut your losses and get out of there. And a huge red flag is if they talk really bad about their ex. I always find that as such a turn off. It takes two to tango. Eventually, when you get to know them, maybe they'll tell you some things that have happened between them.

But if they're off the bat saying my ex was crazy, guess who's going to be the next crazy ex, It's going to be you. So with that being said, they should have awareness about the person they dated at one time. They liked that person, that's why they dated them, So to trash them to someone they really don't even know, I do think is a red flag. So if you're experiencing any of these things, then definitely running the opposite direction.

I hope this podcast episode shed some light on how you can shift from a miserable mindset into a magnetic one. If you enjoyed the podcast, please leave a positive review. On Apple Podcasts and Spotify. As always a sparkle in me, honored a sparkle and you don't forget. To grab your copy of Show Up as Her and join Shadow Alchemy and the Pedestal Path for more information on a magnetic mindset. And I'll see you in the next one.