I'm sorry. What's up? Positive bitches? How are we doing today? If you're hearing this episode, you are meant to be here, So keep listening on that bitches positive podcasts. Sometimes we will laugh, other times, the Baby Girl, We're gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling like our most empowered positive bitch self. We unbecome who we are not so we can fully embody exactly who we came here to be. Today we are talking about delving into the depths of our own shadow. We are going to
be integrating our shadow self like never before. The idea that we have this darkness, I think is an idea that people don't want to talk about in the spiritual community. For most of the part. Everyone wants to talk about love and light. The Baby Girl, we came to planet Earth to learn, to develop and to grow, and in order to do these things, we incarnated on a planet with duality, with polarity, meaning that there's not
just love and light on this planet. There's also darkness. And what we're going to talk about is our own darkness and how we can love this darkness to the light so we can put all of ourselves on the pedestal. You can't put yourself on the pedestal if you're only looking at the features, the aspects of yourself that you consider quote unquote light aspects. We're talking about putting our whole entire self on the pedestal, which means the good, the bad,
the ugly, the crazy, the beautiful. We're talking about putting our whole self, our true whole self, on this pedestal. And if you want to become your most magnetic self, you can't just favor the light. We have to look at everything and learn how to love even the darkness to
light. Before we get into today's episode, a couple of announcements. We just had our first ever Positive Bitch boot Camp yesterday on Wednesday, June fourteenth, at seven pm Eastern Standard time, and we're going to be doing another one. It was so much fun, it was live over Zoom and we
will definitely one hundred billion percent do more of these. We talked about how to put yourself on the pedestal, really, how to take other people off your pedestal, how to interrupt those behaviors, and we're only going to grow this boot camp from there. If you're not yet following me on Instagram at vibe in with CC. Be sure to follow me so you can get all the updates that you need and daily tips and tricks on how to become your most magnetic self. I will always put all the links in the bio so
you can easily find every portal I may speak about. If you're going through a transition or a breakup and you want to learn how to take your power back, join the twenty one day Break Up Glow Up Challenge. If you want to understand the subtle energies of dating, download the Calling your Power Back Workbook. And if you're wanting to balance and restore your divine Feminine energy, you can download the Healing your Divine Feminine Energy Workbook as well. Again,
all of these links are in the show notes. If you want more of an intimate coaching setting, you can book me one on one. I am a certified life and Energy coach Just damming on Instagram for more info. Now, without further let's get into today's episode. Let's understand what the shadow self actually is. The shadow self represents the parts of our being that we tend to repress, deny, or find uncomfortable to acknowledge when we are growing up.
We need to understand that we are really sensitive to how our peers and our parents are looking at us, judging us, and possibly not validating us. Let's say you grow up in a family of scientists and all you want to do is be a musician. If you feel like your whole entire family is shunning that part of you that wants to be a musician, you may push that aspect of yourself down so far down that it becomes a shadow. Now, when you're walking in your daily life and you see someone pursuing their
dreams, what are you going to think? What a loser they think they're going to become a real musician, a professional. Nope, not them. What happens is when we pushed down an aspect of ourselves, it ends up triggering us when we see it in other people. For me, when I went to my high school and elementary school, it was not a cool thing to be in drama club, to be one of those drama geeks, I guess they would call them, And so I pushed down that part of myself
and it would trigger me. I remember my mom would bring me to Broadway plays and I would literally love the Broadway play. But I remember simultaneously being triggered that I was there. I would literally get annoyed that I was there because I wasn't pursuing what I wanted to pursue, which was this Broadway, this performance aspect of myself. Now it doesn't have to just be that sort of aspect something that we do outwardly, like sports or science or drama club.
It can also be a personality trait. If my whole entire life, I've never been able to set a boundary. I had to be a people pleaser. I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself. I'm going to push down the part of me that does know how to set boundaries, that does know how to be selfish and selfish. Really, I don't even believe in
that word, because self love is not selfish. Baby. And what will happen is when I see someone else putting up their boundaries, when I see someone else standing up for themselves, I'm gonna be like, what a selfish bitch. That's what I'm gonna say. I you know, I hate to call him out, but I got to be honest. The generation of boomers, oh my god, they are a lot of them are martyrs, and I love them. I love a boomer. Okay, I love a boomer. I love to speak to a boomer. I love to explore life through
a boomer's perspective. It's just so interesting. And a lot of boomers and beyond boomers and beyond older generations, they have this martyr thing. But why is that? It's not their fault. They learn that you're not allowed to put yourself first, especially if you're a woman. Fuck you, you can't put yourself first. You have to do everything for everyone and be miserable. And they have this whole entire martyrdom of I can't put myself first. Now,
I would have a lot of contention. As I was growing up. My mom would always tell me you're being selfish. Oh my god, you should do this, blah blah blah, and I would literally tell her, I don't care if you think this is selfish. Self love is not selfish. And when I look at certain people in my life and I see how they're living, they're burnt out, they're upset, they are maybe a martyr. Who am I talking about, I don't know. And I look at how they're living and I'm like, yeah, no, I don't want to
live like that that is not how I want to live. The moral of the story here is when we push down something in ourselves, our ability to set boundaries, We're going to hate people who do set boundaries. When we push down that part of ourself that is the drama geek, We're going to hate all the drama people. When we push down something in ourselves, it's going to trigger us to see it in other people. Now, here's the main problem. We're just getting started. When we push down an aspect of
ourselves, it begins to haunt us like a shadow. Because just because you're in denial of a personality, trait, or behavior that you engage with doesn't mean it's not happening and it's not a part of you. Being in denial does not mean that something isn't happening. It means that you're choosing to ignore it. Let's roll that back. Being in denial does not mean that something isn't occurring. It means you're choosing to ignore it even though it's occurring.
When we create a shadow self, it's because deep down we know this is a part of ourselves, but we want to try to choose to ignore it anyway. We don't want to look at it any way. When we create these shadows, it's impossible to put all of ourselves on the pedestal because we can't even acknowledge all of who we are. How can I put all myself on the pedestal? And I won't even acknowledge that being in drama club and singing and dancing it's a part of who I am and something I really enjoy.
We think that being in denial of parts of ourselves is somehow going to save us. It's somehow going to be the thing that fully takes us all the way up the emotional guidance scale to love and light. No, you want to elevate to new levels of love and light, you better start accepting all of yourself, acknowledging all of yourself, and looking at all of yourself.
I'm not saying that all of these aspects of yourself are favorable. You might push down a part of yourself that's really rude, and you might be thinking, CC girl, Cecy, I push down this part of myself that's really rude because I don't get good results when I'm really rude to people. I understand that, but to ignore a part of yourself is to not fully accept yourself. You can look at your rudeness and say, Okay, I accept that I have the capability of going there. It's not something I'm going
to engage with, but I'm not going to ignore it either. I'm going to acknowledge that that's a part of me, and that's okay. Let me give you an example. I am impatient. Let me just say it. Okay, I am, and I don't want to hypnotize myself to be more impatient, but for the purposes of this podcast episode, I will admit that there's a part of me that's impatient. You're going to take long, I don't think so. I have limited time on Earth. What the fuck are
you doing? So what we need to understand. What I have come to understand is that me being impatient. Although I don't always want to engage with that behavior, it doesn't mean I ignore that it's a part of myself. I don't always want to engage in that behavior. I don't always want to be impatient, so I can choose not to be. But it doesn't mean that I lie to myself and ignore this part of myself. It means I
give that part of myself more love, more acknowledgement. I truly see our pain points, our darkness, not as something we should ignore or try to run from, but something a part of ourself that needs more love, and we can love these parts of ourselves to the light. I want us to learn not to ignore our impatient self, our drama, love and self.
I want us to learn how to dance with this darkness. I have come to realize in my life that my darkness can show me things that my light could never My darkness is able to bring me deeper into the depths of myself that my light did not even know was there. If it wasn't for my binging, codependency, anxious attachment, impatient self, I wouldn't have learned all
that I've learned through life and energy coaching. I would not have learned everything I've learned about the physical body, the casual body, the spiritual body, the emotional body. I would have never, ever, ever learned these things if my darkness didn't leave me there. Our darkness is not something to be ignored. It's not something to shun because that only creates a bigger shadow.
Our darkness is something to be investigated. It's something to dance with. I think a lot of us believe that if we dare feel a negative emotion or have this realization that we have a quote unquote negative personality trait, that that is a negative thing in itself. Feeling a negative emotion and releasing it is a positive experience. You're allowing yourself to flesh out the lower vibrational energy that you don't need anymore. Feeling a negative emotion, Acknowledging a negative a so
called negative trait, is not a negative experience. It's allowing you to more fully accept who you are, to look deeper and to find out more information. What does it mean to dance with our darkness? It means that we're going to explore and understand the parts of ourselves that we've hit it away. How is it possible that I'm hiding parts of myself and also loving myself to
my fullest capacity. How is it possible that I'm going to hide parts of myself and then say I'm so magnetic and I'm on my pedestal, bitch. No, No. Dancing with our darkness means we acknowledge, we look at we explore all of our self. Now, one way you can start to pick up on what your shadow is to simply ask yourself, what do I hate in other people? What you hate in other people's what you push down
in yourself. So if you hate everyone who has boundaries and stands up for themselves, you're probably a people pleaser because you're pushing down those aspects in yourself. But when we can start to realize, you know what, that person has the ability to have boundaries. I'm a human too, I too have
the ability to create boundaries. Maybe I haven't practice that ability, but it doesn't mean I don't have it. Through this dance, we can gain deeper insight into our pain, into our experiences, and guess what use it for our growth. I am going to say this quote for the rest of my life to everyone I meet. I swear the pain is the portal. If it wasn't for my binging. By the way, binging was something that was part of my shadow self, I didn't want to admit it to myself.
I would say, oh, I just blacked out, CEC, Yeah, you blacked out in a fifty thousand things that there's a name for that. It's called binging. I was like, oh right, I tried to push that down in myself. I tried to call it different names. I thought blackout. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm being sly and shit, No, I'm just gnoring a part of myself. I'm just running away
from emotions. I'm creating more shadows. When I finally just acknowledge that I was binging, in that moment, I swear to you, it was like a light bulb went off and I took my power back. When you just call out your behaviors, your personality trait, what you're pushing down in yourself, what it is. When you just call it by name, you also call your power back because it's not so scary anymore. It's not so spooky
anymore. It's not oh, what are you hiding in your closet? No, No, it's oh, you know, I realized that I'm recovering from beinging. I'm dealing with this and I'm not going to push it down anymore. When I realized that I had this beinging disorder, first of all, I actually think this behavior because if it wasn't for beinging, god knows what I would have gotten into. Would it have been drugs, bad connects, I don't know. I don't know. If food had to be my drug
of choice. You know what, It served me enough, It got me here, and I can transcend that now. I don't hate myself because that only creates a deeper and bigger shadow. I don't. I'm not angry at myself. I was doing the best I knew how to do with what I knew. When we embrace our pain as a portal, it leads us to
self discovery. What does that mean? Instead of me pushing down this behavior and being in denial that I was binging and pretending like I wasn't binging, I simply said to myself, okay, let me start to become conscious of this binging disorder. A tool I want you to use when you're dancing with your darkness is to dialogue with your darkness. Speak to it, ask it questions, get fucking curious about what you're doing and why you're doing what you're
doing. Instead of being triggered and immediately going to my reaction, I created a sacred space of silence between the trigger and the reaction to create a response. And I started a dialogue with my darkness, and I spoke directly to it, and I said, what's going on here? What's going on here? Why? Am I doing this? What am I running from? What pain am I trying to push down? What am I trying to disconnect with?
When we are engaging in these sorts of behaviors, we're trying to disconnect from something because something feels too painful to just look at in its face. When our shadows create coping mechanisms, it's because we're trying not to feel emotions that we think are unsafe to feel. I had a dialogue with my darkness and walk myself through feeling what I needed to feel. I realized every time I was binging it was because I felt very lonely, very lonely, very
disconnected. And my way to take back control was to say, I'm just going to fill my body up with anything and everything, and I'm taking back control. And if I can't feel connected to you, I'm going to feel connected to food. I'm going to feel connected to the sweet sugary cookie that I have. That's how I'm going to gain connection. That's what I'm gonna do. I would not have been able to find these inner truths if I didn't have a dialogue with my darkness, if I didn't take a pause and
start your question, Wait, why am I doing what I'm doing? I would have never found this information. When you use your pain as a portal, instead of having your pain use you, you not only liberate your shadows, but you find inner wisdom, answers truth that you did not know you were holding onto. You find information you did not know was even there. I want you to spend time with your darkness and to know it's okay. How do you get to know someone, You got to hang out with them.
How do you get to know yourself? You got to hang out with you. How do you get to know your darkness? You hang out with your darkness. You have a dialogue with your darkness. I want you to literally have a journal dedicated okay, a journal dedicated to inner child and your shadow. You can even have two journals, one dedicated to each. But let's just say we're on a budget, so we have one journal for inner
child and our shadow self. A reflective journal. Let's say you don't know why you keep engaging in a behavior, or you don't know why you keep hating on the specific person. Write down your question at the top of the page, and then let yourself just start reflecting on the topic. A lot of us don't have these immediate answers because most of us are in our sympathetic nervous system. We're in fight and flight. We're constantly triggered, so we
don't have time and space to connect why we're doing what we're doing. We barely have time to figure out what we're gonna do for dinner, let alone understand why we're binging. You have to take a ton of me responsibility over your own life, and that means creating space. You have the time. Don't come at me like that. Don't come at me like that. You can create the time. This doesn't have to be every day, once a week. Can we have ten minutes twenty minutes once a week where we can
just reflect on? Why do I keep hating on Gen? All she does is work really hard? WHOA, Maybe I'm hating on her work ethic because I've always felt like I had to be the class clown, and so I pushed down that work ethic in myself, And that's why I'm hating on Jen.
What our brain creates so many more neurological pathways and connections. When we actually sit down and intend to understand what we're doing, we create so much space for in our wisdom, in our understanding, when we actually create time in our schedule to do so. Now, this process, it's not always going to be the most comfortable. There might be parts of yourself that you're like, geez, I'm doing that. Damn, I'm kind of impatient. Day am I binge? Damn I'm codependent? Okay, Okay, that might
be uncomfortable. But let me ask you, how much more uncomfortable would it be if you ignore these behaviors for one more year. Let's say you ignore it for three more years. How does your life look Let's say you ignore it for five more years? What's your relationship status? What's your life looking like? Let's say you ignore it for ten more years and your shadow is getting big? What's your life do wing? How are you feeling? Let's say you ignore it for twenty more years? Me could have been ency.
No, I have no idea what we're talking about. Surely I just don't even know what thirty more years, forty more years? Can you really keep creating shadows for so fucking long? How much longer do you want to play this game with yourself? Because it's a game of limitation, and it's a game of stopping yourself from calling your true power back to you. How much longer do you want to play? The longer you push down, deny, refute aspects of yourself that are part of you, the bigger your shadow,
and the more miserable and the more hateful you become. Period, it's your choice. But I can tell you from someone who I'm not fully healed, I believe this is always a journey. But for someone who has been on a very different side of codependency, I do believe I really have healed my codependency in anxious attachment. You know most of the way, I'll say, And when I was in denial of codependency, I didn't even want to look up the word. I didn't even want to know what it meant. I
didn't want to read the attachment books. I didn't want to study what attachment theory was. I didn't want to look at any of this. I was way more miserable then, because not only was I pushing down a part of myself, not only was I in denial, but I wasn't giving myself space to show up fully. I'm able to put myself fully on the pedestal now because I acknowledge that I have both light and dark aspects of myself, and I'm okay with that. I'm able to put myself fully on my pedestal now
because I acknowledge that I'm not just this perfect girl woman lady. I'm a multi dimensional being. I think that we need to zoom out from who we think we are and remember, Wait a second, if I came here to learn and develop and grow, wouldn't it just makes sense that there's parts of me that have to be developed that I need to learn from and grow from. Why would you come to planet Earth if you're already perfect? What can you explain? Because I don't understand that. What would be the point of
that. Think about going to a movie. You don't go to the movie to see the final scene where everyone's happy and bubbly. No, you go to the movie to experience every single scene, every single moment, the good, the bad, ugly, the ups and the downs. We would not go to a movie if it didn't have the thrill of what a movie is meant to be, with no narrative arc, why would we go? By
the way, I just have to say, I just watched Avatar. I was watching it every night, like thirty minutes a night before I would you do my night routine, etc. And I finally finished it. It is such a good movie. I don't know, but I have this thing where if something is a cartoon, I just don't want to watch it. Besides the movie Soul, which was amazing, watch Avatar. I was crying throughout
the whole entire thing. It's an amazing film. But anyway, there were so many moments of Avatar where I was like, no, no, you wouldn't no, no, no, now, and then crying and screaming at the TV like why would they do that? But that's what makes the movie the movie. If I just turn on Avatar and went to the last final credit scene, what would be the point of that. That's not enjoyable, And in fact, it's fucking boring to do that. It's boring. It's
boring. It's boring to have everything just perfection all of the time. The only people without problems are dead people. So having problems, guess what, it's a sign of being alive, of being a human. Your darkness is a sign of being alive and being human, because once you go to that higher round, baby girl, it's a love and light. I just don't want us to ignore parts of ourselves, because in order to fully put ourselves
on the pedestal, we have to acknowledge all of ourself. So if you're not sure what your darkness is, look at what you hate in other people and make a list. Ooh, okay, this is what I'm pushing down in myself. I have always, for my whole entire life, I've always said I've hated lazy. I'm like, oh, blah blah blah, of course I hate lazy people. I push down laziness in myself. I'm an a type personality. What do we think this is? What do we think
this is? So if I'm hating laziness and other people, it's because I'm pushing down laziness in myself. And ultimately, what does that do. That shadow actually led to burnout, led to me overdeveloping my masculine shield and not looking into my divine feminine energy at all. So these shadows can create side effects that ultimately do not help us be our best version of ourselves. So that's one way you can figure out your shadow. You can also if you
already know the behaviors or traits that you don't like write them down. Start to have a dialogue with your darkness. Why would I do this? Take out a notebook. You can also there's another exercise you can use to figure out your darkness, which is write down five of your favorite traits in yourself and then write down the opposite trait. And that opposite trait is what you're pushing down in yourself. So let's say that my favorite trait is how hard
of a worker I am. I would write down my favorite trait is that I'm a hard worker. What's the opposite of hard working laziness? Oh, that's my shadow self. We want to understand that we are human beings. We are multidimensional. We have a range of capabilities and personality traits that we can tap into, and our personality is really just a habit of whatever we
decided it to be when we were five years old. If I grew up and I had to be the good girl, the smart girl, the A type personality, that's who I'm gonna be, not because that's who I actually am, but that is the habit that I have created for myself. But if I grew up and laziness was let's say, celebrated laziness was looked at as Oh, you're so funny, you're so cool, You're going to be
popular. Then that would be the habit of who I am. Who you are is a sum of your actions, your thoughts, your behaviors, your intentions. We are mere habits of what we've been doing and what we've been thinking. Period. That's it. That's all we truly are. You can unbecome whoever you have created in any moment. All it takes is you saying to yourself, I want to unravel this personality, trait, this behavior, this aspect of me. I want to know more. I want you dancing
with your darkness. Okay, dancing with your darkness, why so that you can become self actualized, so you can put all of yourself on the pedestal, so you can fully encompass your wholeness. Think about all the parts of you that you're pushing down. You don't even know those parts of you yet that's exciting new parts to explore and to look at. By dancing with our darkness, we can unlock the profound personal growth that we've been searching for.
Like I've said before, my darkness has showed me things. My light didn't even know was there. My darkness, of codependency, of anxious attachment, of binging showed me things that my light could never teach me. It allowed me to understand my inner child wounds. It allowed me to understand my thought process, my inner critic. It allowed me to understand my attachment system. These are things my light could never teach me because these weren't part of my
light. They were part of my dark. Embrace your opin as a portal to self discovery, to liberation, two more love. Ultimately, by embracing your dark, it's very ironic, but you actually just end up leading yourself to more love and more light. What an ironic journey, What a twist, What a funny way to go. I love you positive bitches so much. If you enjoyed this podcast, please leave a positive review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. It means the world to me. It helps this podcast grow,
and if not for me, do it for you. That's good karma on your part. If you enjoyed this, share it on social media and be sure to tag me at Vibe, at CC or at that bitch as positive. Share it with a friend who might need to hear this or a family member who maybe they're praying about this exact thing, and you happen to think of them while you're listening. Share this with them. You never know
who you're helping. You never know when someone's at their darkest point. The sparkle in me honors the sparkle in you, and I will see you in the next one. Catch me, you can't smutch me.