This podcast is not about facts news or information. I am Honorable Erkoster. What's going to happen next? Well, now I have to yell at you. Text me back! Text me back at once. Why won't you text me back? Text me back. Text me back. Text me back, thank you. Welcome to Text Me Back! A podcast about best friendship, the best animals, and the worst people. I'm Lindy West. I'm Megan Hatcher-Mays and I have something I need to say. Oh, what is it?
Which is I think we should change the tagline of our show. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't totally encapsulate what we're all about. Yeah, I can't believe it. I'm just a little bit more honest. I'm just a little bit more honest. I'm just a little bit more honest. I'm just a little bit more honest. I'm just a little bit more honest. I'm just a little bit more honest. Yeah, absolutely. What we're all about. Yeah, because sometimes we talk about bad animals and nice people.
Yeah. And sometimes we talk about the supernatural, which is neither an animal nor a man. Exactly. Politics, which we talk about occasionally, is hard to classify in these terms. Yeah, I agree. So, okay. You know what would be better would be like two idiots that won't shut up! Two old women who text each other nonsense. Two dumb-dums yelling about whatever. Two idiots who should have grown out of it by now. I like that. I do feel like the mission statement of the show is to...
What did you say? Two old weirdos who text each other nonsense. Two old weirdos who laugh at their own jokes, much to their own detriment. Two old weirdos tanking their careers by never shutting the fuck up. Two old weirdos who will never be senate confirmed. Those are all really good. We're gonna have it even more at the very end of the show. Listen all the way to the end and then you can hear our full list of ideas. Here's what I think would be great.
How about if you have an idea for a tagline for the show? To text it to the text me back text club. Yes. And maybe we'll use that. We'll vote for the one that you heard that you like. Yeah. There's no losers here. It's all winners. So if you have an idea for a new tagline for this incredible podcast, text BFF to 206 926 99955, you can join our text me back text club and send us all of your incredible ideas. And like whatever else you want to send us, I love our text club.
I love all sorts of good stuff on there. And maybe we'll pick your idea. You never know what we might get up to. Sometimes the people around us can be a more accurate mirror for ourselves than what we see when we look in the mirror. And so maybe our loyal listeners know us better than we do. And they can come up with the perfect tagline. Wow, a regular Sylvia Plath over there. That was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What are we going to talk about today? Well, wait. What?
Before we talk about what we're going to talk about today, I think we do need to acknowledge that this is a historical moment. Right. In the history of this historical podcast. We got too comfortable and we forgot. This has never happened before. Text me back a lights. Lindy and I are recording the podcast in the same room in Seattle, Washington. Yeah. They started us out in a really small room. And then they said, oh, never mind.
They said, you can both record in here if you talk really quiet like a mouse. And we said, oh, impossible. You must not be a listener. So then they moved us to a great big room. And we're like 20 feet apart. That's right. We tried, by the way, we tried to record this podcast yesterday, but we could not. We were not successful because there was a ghost in Studio C from the FCC. That's right. It was the ghost of commissioners past. Yep. And so we were not successful in recording.
So we came back today. There are no ghosts here that we can see that we can see that we can perceive. Yeah, this. So we don't know this studio. This room has been ghost busted. Yeah. But Studio C. Mm-hmm. So anyway. I had to come back for a second day in a row, which we love because there's free coffee in the green room. I got a roll of smarties out of a candy bowl. Mm-hmm. Which is the best day of my life. I ate. And Megan's not my smarties, but that's okay.
Megan was like, Linda, do you have a mint or gum? And I said, I have these smarties. And Megan was like, yeah, that'll work. And I was like, that'll work in what way? In what way is that the same as a mint or gum? Like make my mouth taste less like garbage. I feel like that was a grift. Yeah, it was a little bit of a... Okay. Let's talk about today. Today on the show, it's a full-on text me back a light extravaganza. Speaking of the text club, so exciting.
You all cannot stop sending in the spooky stories I've ever heard and the most exciting swashbuckling tales. The text me back text club will not rest until you and I never sleep again. Before we get to your stories, Megan and I are each going to tell a true life tale of the killer. But first, you know what it is. You know what time it is. It's same room tidings. It's worth for the first time ever in the same room recording the podcast tidings. We did it. We did it.
It took a lot of effort to get into this room. We already explained the ghost situation. That was a huge barrier to in-person same room podcast tidings, the ghost. By the time we got to the ghost, we were already exhausted. You were already in shambles by the time the ghost reared its ugly head. The ghost was just the cherry on top. Let's roll back through history. Yeah. Backwards through time. Two day before yesterday. Well, it actually wasn't that difficult for me to get here.
I just, you know, rode a plane. It wasn't that stressful. My brother picked me up. So while I'm in town, my brother was like, oh, I have an extra car that you can use. Because you just got a new car, which is the most ridiculous car I've ever seen. It's an enormous F-150 of some kind. He's like, you can use my old Subaru. You can drive a stick, right? And I was like, yeah, totally. I mean, I haven't driven a stick since college, but it should be no problem.
I get in this man's Subaru, which by the way is not a normal Subaru. It's like a fast and furious, noss, freaking like turbo mode. Weird little WRX thing. And I was like, it's fine. I got totally, I got totally, I'm the last guy drove was a Toyota Tursel from 1989. But yeah, I totally drove this. And yeah, I stalled that engine no joke immediately. I stalled pulling out of the parking spot. And I said, this experiment has failed. And I flamed out immediately.
So my beautiful darling sister-in-law drove me to the studio. You know, when people ask me, can you drive a stick? I say, no. That was, that's smart. That's what people should say. But however, I was taught to drive a stick by my mother. And I feel like my mom will kind of clown on me for not knowing how to drive a stick. And she'll be like, didn't I teach you? Because my mom loves to drive a stick. And like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, around.
But then I'm like, yeah, you taught me to drive a stick on your 1965 Volvo 544. Like you taught me to drive a stick on an antique car. It was so hard. It had a choke. You know, like you have to like push a button to inject juice into the engine. Yeah, I think that's right. I don't know what it does, but it was like, it was like a model T basically. And so I never really mastered it. It was very scary. Yeah. I mean, the car was really cool. And I was really sad when she sold it.
But I don't feel like I had a fighting chance. And now you're going to mock me for not knowing how to drive a stick. Teach me to drive a stick on a normal car. On a normal car on a Toyota Tursel. Yeah, that's what happened with my brother. I was like, oh, it was a failure. I'm just, I can't drive your car. And he's like, I'll give you a driving lesson. You can do it if you just believe. Believe in what? Okay, Dumbledore. I'm faithless when it comes to the manual transmission, bro.
I'm not doing it. But, okay. I have one more thing to say about this, which is, you know what? I'm sick of the attitude. You know what? Doesn't matter. Being able to drive a stick. I don't need it. No. They don't even barely even make those anymore. Unless I'm on that formula one show on Netflix, I'm all set. By the way, it's so terrifying when you stall out a manual. This Subaru said to me, go go go go go go go go. And then just stalled out in the middle of the road.
And I was like, I might just leave it here. I might just leave it here. I did get it back into the parking spot. But I was like, no. And once again, I must say, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to. I agree. I agree. Automatic. Thanks. I agree. But then you got to have a beautiful smooth ride in IKEA all the way over here to the studio. It was beautiful. It was stunning. Yeah. Meanwhile, I, a resident, full-time resident of this region, I only lived two hours away.
It was going to be an easy morning. I was going to, okay, so I spilled tea in my laptop. Yeah. Which was a fairly new MacBook Air pink that I only had because my dog, Barry, spilled a whole pint of water into my previous laptop. So then I decided I'm working on my book. I'm trying to finish my book by the end of February. I'm writing a book. I'm not reading a book. It's more important than that. So I was like, I'm going to be the kind of woman who drinks a tea.
I'm going to have an herbal tea in the evening. I don't like tea. But, yes, disgusting. My friend Jesse, who I just visited in Chicago, Jesse drinks like 49 cups of tea a day. Oh, I mean, knitting celebrity Jesse May. I just visited her in Chicago. She drinks 49 cups of tea a day. She has a flawless aesthetic in all things. And so she just has like a beautiful mug. She has perfect nails. Everything has a color scheme. And the tea is like aesthetic in this.
It's, it's, the steam is like rising and perfect little. Yes. And I would, exactly. And what I love about Jesse among many other things is that every day, is that every detail of her life is thoughtfully composed. And I was like, I want to be like that. I want to be a thoughtfully composed, beautiful tea woman. Because I am a chaos. We've established on the, yeah, we've established on the show that we are pig people. Yes. We sweat a lot. We're messy.
There's french fries in the bottom of my purse, you know. And my, my office, it's, it's cute. One might call it maximalist, but even that implies a degree of, of planning and care. Anyway, so I, I've been very like inspired by my dear friend Jesse. And so I was like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be a tea woman. I'm going to have a tea immediately. I spilled the tea on my laptop. My laptop is destroyed. It was like the day you decided to be a tea woman. Correct. It was the end of her life.
I trossled the tea with my arm. It spilled onto the keyboard of my laptop. You know what that was? That was that pig DNA. I know. She's appearing. It's ugly head. No. I took one sip of the tea. My DNA went. It didn't immediately, like when Barry spilled the pint of water, my laptop, the laptop was immediately deceased. Yes. This laptop was still on. It was fine. I turned it upside down. I got a towel.
I thought, you know, you're supposed to immediately turn it off and like leave it to sort of dry internally. Before I did that, I copied and pasted my entire book and I emailed it to myself. Oh, yeah. Because that was stress. I was like, oh my God. I'm 90% done with this book. I was like, Jesus Christ. I go to turn it back on on Wednesday night. I was about to leave to come to Seattle. The trackpad and the keyboard aren't working. I was like, okay. Then I'm bereft.
To depressed to leave and drive to Seattle. I think to myself, I will just come out Thursday morning bright and early, which you've been known to do successfully. No problems. Honestly, I love it. I love an early morning drive with an audiobook. I can stop and get a coffee at a coffee stand. I can get a little bacon, I can cheese, English muffin. I wake up at 2 a.m. on early, early Thursday morning to the sound of gunshots outside my window. And then a horrible terrifying crashing in the forest.
Oh my God. I'm like, what was that? I look out the window. A winter wonderland. It was snowed. The trees are cracking in half and falling. We've had a blizzard. It was not on the forecast. There was no indication that it was going to snow. Oh my God. I get up on Thursday morning and I'm like, okay, well, I'm supposed to be there at 9 a.m. I'm going to leave at 6.30. It's like dumping flakes. And just like as a reminder, you live in the middle of nowhere.
It's not like, well, even on a good day, Western Washington doesn't have a snow plow. Right. But you live nowhere. There's nobody coming quickly to like, yeah, when we clear the roads, when we left, we were the first tracks on the road. Yeah. Like no one had driven. It was so, uh, um, had to drive me into town. I was supposed to take our little, dinky little Hyundai. Yeah. Could not make it. No chance.
Yeah. So, uh, um, had to drive me in the SUV and then drive all the way back so that he would have a car. Uh, that he could drive in the snow. It was a lot of earth. And it took like four hours together because like roads were closed. Oh, our power was out. And we, since we live in the woods, we have a well, which means that our water is powered by electricity, because the well pump is on the electrical. Dude, you're the real pioneer woman. I really am.
And when I realized at two thirty that the power had gone out, I called out to my whole family. Because I have the most experience out there, because I've been going there my whole time. I cried out through the entire house. You get one flush. Because the toilet tank will not refill. Make it count. Make it count. If you've got a dump to do, make it now. Do it now. Yep. And if you got a pee, you go outside, you pee in the snow. So anyway, I got here like at noon.
It took so long and I've just exhausted, fried to the bone. And then there's this ghost unplugging our bikes. And I was like, I gotta go home. Yeah. Let's wrap it up. Yeah, there we are. Day two of Text Me Back. Ghost, if you're listening, leave us alone. Yeah, please, please. Thanks. We've told our stories of encounters with the killer and your stories of encounters with the killer. But next, Lindy is going to take us on a journey through time.
And tell us about her grandfather's runnin' with a radio killer. Woo-hoo-hoo. Megan, guess what? What? We are doing the show live. Well, that's right. I won't have a fun fancy jacket from Sacks Off Fifth. But we will have games and laughter and some secret special friends, maybe. So get your butts over to Town Hall, Seattle, Friday, March 15th, 730-930PM. Get your tickets at KOW.org slash events. Or look for the link in our show notes today.
Looking to dive into even more fascinating stories, then check out Missing Pages. The award-winning podcast praised as a must-listen by New York magazine and The Washington Post. In the brand new season, hosted by me, NPR Books Critic, Beth Ann Patrick, we uncover the biggest and sometimes messiest tales from the book world, with the help of special guests like best-selling author Jody Peco. Here about litigious We're Wolf fanfiction, The Rise of Book Bands, and so much more.
Don't miss it. Listen to Missing Pages wherever you get podcasts. Lindy, we've talked about the killer before on this show. We've talked about our own run-ins with the killer. We've heard from the text me back a lites about their run-ins with the killer. Just as a quick refresh, the killer is not so much an individual person, but more of a... He's a concept, really. He's an archetype. Yes. That's right. The archetype of the killer. Or she. Or she can be killer, too. He, she, they.
That's what they be doing. Although typically the killer is a man. Like, let's be real about... I said that. Yeah. ...satire. The killer is a man. But the concept of the killer was popularized by the queen of celebrity gossip and former talk show host Wendy Williams, who sort of gave a name to this nameless, faceless danger who lurks. And she calls him the killer. She's constantly concerned that the killer is going to come into her home.
She doesn't want anyone to know where she lives because the killer. And we... Everybody. Who is a member of like a marginalized group knows about the killer. If you are somebody who has a spidey sense of sun when you're on the bus or you're walking down the street, you know the killer. So that's what we're talking about. Today, again, the killer is back. But this one's very interesting because Lindy found an example of the killer terrifying your familial line.
And in a radio station, which is apt because we are in a radio station currently. It is synchronicity. It's serendipity. It's... ...Kizmat. I don't know if I've talked about this on the show, but I have a new hobby that has its hooks in me deep. And I can't stop. And I am neglecting my work and my family. It's a little website called ancestry.com. Oh dear. I can't stop clicking. I can't stop clicking. It goes on and on.
I don't know if you knew this, but your family branches exponentially back into time. And the further back you go, the more little things there are to click on. And I have a particular interest in this because my dad was an only child. And his dad was estranged from his like nine brothers. So I had this big mystery in my life, which was my dad's side of the family. I didn't know anything about it. So I got... I got him deep.
ancestry.com scratches the same itch for me as a video game. It's for sure game of the year. And a lot of ancestry.com is boring. Like for most of my relatives, we were simple folk. We were not stars and celebrities. It was like people on a farm digging a hole. And all there is is like a birth record or whatever. On both sides. When you get to my grandparents, my dad's parents, they were both super duper stars. They lived in Hollywood and they were mildly famous in the radio bizz.
In the radio bizz. Yes. And in fact, the name West is not my real last name. There's no West's in my family tree. My dad's real last name was Rick and Backer, which I love by the way. I know. Even that wasn't the real name. Their real last name was Reckon Macher. I'm straight from Austria. So even the name West was born of the radio. Because my grandpa was on the radio and they were like, no one wants to say Reckon Macher on the radio. And nobody wants to say Rick and Backer either.
That's not enough. And so he changed it to West. And I didn't realize that my grandfather opened the first West Coast Office of CBS Radio. He was like the, oh really? Yeah, he was like a, well, important. Whatever. I don't know. I have a recording of his radio voice. It's not like what people sound like now. A few weeks ago, a paper java, a friend of mine down on the peninsula, experienced a bad fire that completely got it his warehouse. And there's a salesman.
A paper salesman in town the next day, calling on competitors of his java. He found two of them openly gloting over the other fellas misfortune. And one of them said in effect, well, here's where we make a real raid on his customers. Why did we talk different in the 30s? I don't, it's like how they say a single hot chuteau would kill a family father. A single minute of this podcast would have imploded your grandfather's brain. Right. He was like a comedy, he produced comedy radio shows.
But they're all called like the sticky and slim, lucky strike hour. You know, like, hey, tagline alert. Oh. Okay. Anyway, you've really struck gold on ancestry.com when it gives you a link to newspapers.com. I click on this article. I click on this article. I don't know what it's going to be. It could not have been more of a blockbuster. Watershed moment in my life. I can't wait for you to hear the story. Okay. So first of all, I found two different versions of it.
One in the Portsmouth Harold and one in, I don't know, some Montana newspaper. They're both really associated press. But the Portsmouth Harold version has a great headline. So I'm going to read. Okay. And by the way, this is from Tuesday, February 6th. Oh, just last week. Oh my gosh. 1934. So how many years ago is that? 90? Tell me a minute to math on this podcast. Yeah. That's exactly 90 years ago. Oh. Wow. Echoes through time. Okay. So the Portsmouth Harold headline says, murder.
Herd over radio. Oh my god. Unscheduled. This is the subhead. Unscheduled death drama at station KMJ. Oh. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. So many think about that. And then the Montana newspaper says, their headline says, one man dead after former Montana, because they have to make it local. After former Montana runs a muck in KHJ radio station in Los Angeles. Whoa. I don't know why one of them says it's KMJ and one of them says it's KHJ, but whatever. Okay. Are you ready for this? I am ready.
Already for this. I actually, I don't think I am ready, but please proceed. Okay. An unscheduled death drama broke into the broadcast of radio station KHJ here today. Clarence Walter running a muck with a jack knife was the leading character. By the way, the way they wrote the news in 1934 is gorgeous. I can't wait for you to hear this. He stabbed two death.
Edwin Woolverton, 21 of Grand Junction, Colorado, and slashed another man about the head while a girl secretary, whom he first menaced, fled screaming down the studio corridors and fainted. Oh my God. Okay. Woolverton, who died from a stab wound in the head, was a former student of the University of Colorado on vacation from a Colorado radio station, KFXJ. The second victim was Warren Feldman, 40, a representative of the Dow Jones news service. His wounds were not serious.
Just slashed about the head a little bit. Just a little bit. Walter? This is Clarence Walter? Walter came to the studio shortly before noon. He went into the office of Grace Cain, a secretary, asking for a job. He said was promised him. She told him she knew nothing of it, and he was a stranger to her. And he was a stranger to her. Yeah. Suddenly infuriated, Walter slipped out a jackknife and pulled open a large blade.
Horrified, Miss Cain screamed, then Woolverton walked in, Walter whirled, and struck him again and again on the head, one stab penetrating the brain. Oh, I know. They don't put that in the newspaper anymore. The film came in, and the attacker paused in his hacking of Woolverton and slashed filmin. I'm going to kill you, he panted, with savage curses. I love to see people suffer. Get out of my path. I have a job to do in there. I'm like, oh, he's still trying to get the job. I brought my resume.
I know he probably means more hacking, but let's just assume he was still wanted to get the job. Okay, are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? See Ellsworth Wiley, studio manager, and Paul Rickenbacker, production manager, came upon the scene as Miss Cain fainted. Rickenbacker brought the attacker down with a flying tackle. Oh, my God. My grandfather, Paul Rickenbacker, production manager, took down the killer, with a flying tackle, and all of it was heard over the airways.
Oh, my God. And you believe that? No. Okay, the man fought on, flailing around with his knife, which Wiley, after a struggle succeeded in resting from him. It required four men to subdue him. Dang. Walter was removed to the Georgia Street station where he put up another battle with the police. The radio station Atashay's said they had never seen him before. Meanwhile in Billings, Clarence Walter is a brother and partner of Paul Walter, a farmer living about 20 miles east of Billings.
Paul Walter said tonight that Clarence had left here about three months ago to visit relatives in Santa Ana, California. He added that he knew of no reason for his brother's action, that he had always appeared normal in every way, and that he had never had trouble with authorities in Yellowstone County. That's what they always say about the killer. That's what they always say about the killer. Dude, the killer almost wiped out your family line. I know.
If it wasn't for the athletic prowess of your grandfather. Correct. You wouldn't be here. You know what? That happened in 1934. And you know when my dad was born? 1935. Damn. Yeah. Clarence Walter almost took me out. Then there would be no text me back. You better think you're lucky stars for Paul Wreck-Bucker. But you know what's weird? So I sent that to my mom. I was like, did you know about this? And she was like, your dad has never mentioned that. I never heard that story.
He didn't say word about it. I wonder if he knew. I know. That's so crazy. It's so traumatic that grandpa Paul didn't want to talk about it. Or like, because that's the kind of thing that should be entered into the family legend. Yeah. And never shut up about it. And also because my dad loved to tell stories. I heard the story about a billion times that during the war when food was rationed, they got their hands on a roast beef. Because like grandpa Paul Wreck-Bucker knew a guy.
And then there was an air raid practice. What do you call that? Yeah, like an air raid siren. Yeah. And so they all had to, you know, turn out the lights and shelter. Like right when they had just sat down to dinner. And then the family dog, Haiho, got up on the table and ate the roast beef. Damn. And no one had had beef in a year except for Haiho. So like, I heard that story 10,000 times. Not once was I told the tale of the killer. Not a word uttered about the killer.
I think that I could take down the killer with a flying tackle. I think you could. Yeah. And sometimes when I'm hiking alone with Barry, like I love that it's a flying tackle because that if I have one skill, it's throwing my heft around. And when I'm out hiking with Barry and I'm scared of the killer, I think about this time when I was walking with my husband, Aham. And I gently hip-checked him and he fell into the bushes. And I'm like, me and Barry together are like 400 pounds.
I think actually we could knock the killer off the cliff. No problem. No problem. Yeah. Even if they were running a mug with a jackknife. It's in your jeans. You got it. It's in my jeans. Yeah. Exactly. We've talked about the killer a lot on this show. And you and I have actually shared stories about the killer before. And I feel like it wasn't until this week that we both realized we actually have even more direct contact with the killers.
I feel like you found out about your grandpa flying, tackling the killer. And then I remembered it just like came back to me. I remembered that I went to elementary school with the killer. I guess it's not funny, but I completely forgot about this. When I was in the fifth grade, there was this bully bull column, Stanley Morton. He was really mean, really, really mean. And he had just like a bad vibe, like scragally, bad vibe. And he's really mean to everyone.
He would like pull girls hair and like poke people and fight. He was always getting like fist fights and stuff. And even in fifth grade, I was like, fuck that guy. And I don't want to be bullied by him. I decided he was an asshole. So I was like, I'm gonna bully him back. Which I think is technically standing up for myself. Yeah. He would be mean to people and they'd be like, you know, kind of closed down. And I'd be like, I'm gonna kick your ass. I would just get really big.
Like he was a, I don't know, was just supposed to do with like a cougar or something. And like fight back. And then my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Harris, did not like that. Like she thought that was really unbecoming. So she was like, Megan, you need to stop bullying Stanley. And I was like, why? He's a demon. Like he's so mean. Look, if a girl secretary is being menaced, her role is to faint. I should have fainted in the fifth grade. Like that's what I should have done. That's right.
Stanley was just menacing everyone. And instead of fainting, I flying tackled him. Metaphorically, we never actually physically fought. So my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Harris, sent me to the school like mental health counselor. Not a guidance counselor, but like the counselor at school who helps you with your brain problems. And she's like, you really need to go talk to her about your feelings because you're clearly violent. And you need to be repaired. And I was like, what about Stanley?
He is effing people up, left and right. He's like kicking people with steel toe boots on the nose. Like what is happening here? So he never had to go. He never had to go to the counselor. Unbelievable. Yeah, so I had to go and I just sit on the special feelings where I can talk about my feelings. I was not diagnosed with any mental illness, although I did have one. It just wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30s. So that's annoying. Wait a minute, Mrs. Harris. Way to go, feelings rug.
So that always really bothered me. When I was in my 20s, I, you know, scrolling through the old, well, probably wasn't scrolling. I was probably physically reading a Seattle Times. How about a post intelligence, sir? Yeah, or a post intelligence, sir, who could say? And Lohan Behold, who is in the newspaper, but Stanley Morton, who has been convicted of murdering an unhoused person and I said, oh, really? Really? Maybe he should have gone to sit on the feelings rug, Mrs. Harris.
You know, sometimes like we're just joking about how somebody does something crazy like Clarence Walter and they're like, he's never been like this before. Whereas my situation with the killer is, I could have told you that when he was 10. And it was just like, well, girls aren't supposed to act like that. So you have to go to counseling, but Stanley, have a great life. You know, that's crazy. Yeah, that's really crazy.
And I completely memory hold that and then I was like, oh my God, how come I didn't mention this on the, but when we talked about the killer because I did battle with the killer and I survived. That's why I think of you as my second grandpa, my third grandpa. My name is Megan Rottenbacher. I love your work.
Coming up, your stories about the two things that we like, spooky animals and ghosts and snakes, the third thing that we like, the text and back clubs, spooky stories are next, so time to get scared. I'm terrified. Okay, now it's time to get into your stories. Text me back a little, baby's little babes. You have sent in so many scary stories. You have almost stepped on a snake. You have been contacted by ghosts. You have fought off the hot jaws of a bear.
All of your kids are that kid from the sixth sense apparently. Yeah, it's really unsettling you guys. All of y'all's kids are holding hands with a ghost. Yeah, we're, we read them all and we love them all and we're going to read a few of our favorites right now. These have been edited down a tiny bit just because they're so much to choose from. So don't have your feelings hurt if we read your tale and it's a tiny bit of bridged.
Okay, yes, but all the stories will be featured on our Instagram at text me back pod. So look into it. Yeah, and follow us, please, please, and share us. Please, okay. Shall I kick things off? Are you ready to get terrified? No. Our first spooky tale comes from Adam in Tacoma who was living in one of those classic probably shouldn't have been a real apartment basement apartment on Capitol Hill and a big old spooky house.
Very claustrophobic creepy little basement that he was living in with his wife and his baby son. He says it was super claustrophobic all around with various hallways that had hard right turns to really enhance the feeling that they were going to be in a big house. And so he was really excited to enhance the feeling that something not cool was waiting for you around the bend.
We were doing laundry conveniently down the hall with our one and a half year old son at that point who loved feeding quarters to the machines. That is a blast. I also loved that. It's really fun. I'm your son. As I was lugging an overfilled laundry basket back to the apartment one night, my son stopped in his tracks yelled ghost. Full ran ahead of me back to our door. I must mention that we had definitely not taught him the word ghost much less the concept of ghosts.
For extra spooky points, oh god. He liked to point at things in our bedroom and name them so adorable, but he insisted on pointing at our dresser and yelling, man with teeth. Many, many times. No, uh-uh. Slightly less adorable. You know, Adam, thank you so much. I hate it. And, uh, man with teeth should be banned. If there, if there can be a silver lining to the right wing creep towards censorship, can we put man with teeth in there? Yeah. And at least, you know, get something out of it.
Prison for man with teeth. The phrase prison for one and a half year olds who could see ghosts. I don't like it, Adam. Child prison. So, Adam, that's really scary and I don't like it. And, um, I know I said prison for one and a half year olds. That was a joke. But did you take your dresser outside and chop it up with an ass? Did you please? All a priest. Like, what happened? We have sex, though. Yeah, we need to close our mouth. Man with teeth. I mean, like, what's worse?
Okay, put yourself in this situation. Yeah. You're Adam. Your baby son who can presumably barely walk, you know, points at your dresser and yells man with teeth. What's worse, if you yelled man with teeth or what if we yelled man without teeth? Oh, God. Without. Yeah. Yeah, man without teeth. It's just more specific. It's more rare. It's more traumatic. Yeah. To whatever happened to the ghost. Yeah. But he can't bite you. I don't know. Like, I don't want to get bit by a ghost.
I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm scared. You think Adam. Yes, it's gonna be real good Adam. Okay. I already mentioned this, but just to reiterate, we truly got like 15 stories of people that were like, I was in my bathtub and a rattlesnake came out of the drain and bit my toe. So we can't read them all, but we were chilled by them all and terrified. But I am going to read one sort of one snake story to rule them all.
This is from Katie from Swansea Mass. Katie says several years ago I was hiking with my boyfriend Dejure. Yeah. Spicy love that. Hi five Katie. Get it girl. On a trail on a hilly woodsy area here in Massachusetts. My boyfriend was up ahead of me on the trail. No one else was nearby. Suddenly I heard a voice say to me. Watch out for the snake. Now this voice was super clear and distinct. It was the most voiciest voice I've ever heard in my life. But it was not coming from any external source.
I heard it inside my head. But it wasn't my voice or anyone I recognized. It was a male voice, clear as day, calm but firm. And it had this quality to it that is so hard to explain. But it was like nothing was going to interfere with its sound. Like it overrode any potential competing noises or thoughts. I did not feel scared or alarmed at all, which was also weird. And at that moment it felt like time stopped and everything froze, including me.
As I was mid step with my right foot hovering several inches above the trail. And then the biggest snake I have ever seen. Sliathered out from the brush across the trail right across my path and under my right foot and disappeared into the brush on the other side. Then time resumed. There was no one around me. And when I caught up to my boyfriend and asked if he had heard anything he said no. I've no idea what kind of snake it was, but I've never seen anything like it before.
Since this is not a big snake area, not like I have all the ecosystem deets. But I've lived around here for 40 years and snakes are not a thing that's really on the radar. I'm very thankful that I did not step on that snake because I know for sure I would not be here today. Because either the snake would have killed me or the fear alone easily could have taken me out. Pretty well, right? Yeah, Katie. Yeah, Katie. What the hell? Was that Jesus? My God. My God. You heard it here first.
Jesus is a man. God is male. His number one priority is making sure that we don't step on a snake in Massachusetts. There are no other things going on he needs to address. No, mostly the snake thing. You know whose voice that was? The snake's voice. It was the snake telepathically letting Katie know coming through. I have the right way, ma'am. On your left. On your left. I mean, that's the only plausible explanation. Yeah, I think you're right. Here's our next tale.
It's an animal encounter from Baxter in Seattle. I was walking home one night and I saw what I at first thought was a large dog heading confidently toward me. When I got closer, they got up on their hind legs and I could see it was actually a man with teeth. No, it was a massive raccoon. I stopped dead in my tracks and for some reason my instinct was to put up my hands and address the raccoon out loud with, I don't want any trouble.
As if they understood me, they immediately got back down and all fours and sontored into someone's yard. Oh, it's so funny. Hey, man. Hey, man, I don't want any trouble. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Be cool. Be cool. I just love it so much. I'm going to be thinking about that every day for the rest of my life. I just want you to know that. I love the idea that the raccoon is out looking for trouble.
Yeah. But if you're out looking for trouble and then someone says, hey, man, I'm not looking for any trouble. Why would you care? Yeah. I am looking for trouble. Too bad. The raccoon was absolutely looking for trouble. But I guess I don't know, maybe now. No. Maybe Baxter had a good look about them. I think actually what happened is the raccoon said, oh, oh, you've misunderstood. I also am not looking for trouble. I'm looking for pizza. I'm a piece loving raccoon. And I just want trash.
Do you have that? Do you have that? Baxter, do you have garbage for me? No. Okay, bye. If only Batman's parents had encountered that raccoon. Oh, my God. Instead of. But then there would be no Batman. That would be better. Yeah, you're right. I don't like Batman. What's his deal? He's just rich. Who cares? Why have we never talked about this? I don't know. Really quick. Count of three. Say who's the best superhero at the same time. Oh, God. No, just, okay. One, two, three. Don't care.
I was the, can't think of one. Okay. Okay. This one is from Lucy and Los Angeles. Another sort of mystical animal tale. This is actually Lucy's sister story, but we'll take it because it's good. One time, Lucy's sister came back from a walk around our suburb in Minnesota. Very shaken. She claimed that she had been on a quiet part of the walking path in the woods, and a huge deer had made eye contact with her. They both stopped for a moment. And then she says the deer bowed its head to her.
She bowed back, and then the deer ran back into the forest. She's not really a person who believes in magic or wooboo stuff, and she was visibly very affected by this happening. So I guess I believe her. Lindy, maybe you can test this out since you live in the woods. Maybe this is a part of secret deer culture. What do you think? I am going to try it out. Yeah. Next time you see a deer, just give it a little, I see one every day. And all I want is for the deer to stick around and be my buddy.
Have you tried bowing to one? No, I never knew this lore. This is crazy. This is giving Hippogriff. This is giving show it respect, and it will let you ride it while it flies over the lock. There is something very mystical about seeing a deer though, especially if you live in a city and you're just like, oh my god. A deer just ran across Connecticut Avenue. It feels like a portant when you see a deer. A portant when you see a deer. There's nothing more magical than a deer. I love a deer.
I love their lashes. I love their horns. I love their little tails. Their feet are so small. Why are your feet so small? Who did that? Your body is so big. You know, so fragile, so tiny. I will say that deer's really benefit from how skittish they are, because if you get close to them, they are stinky and covered in ticks. So if they want to, I think they know that they want to remain mysterious. They want to keep that mystery and they want to keep the romance alive. So they stay away from you.
Yeah. Maybe that deer was bowing so that a tick could jump off of it on to Lucy's sister. And it was actually a hostile deer encounter. Oh my god. That deer was doing biological warfare. Some things think about their against the tears and the ticks have. I mean, what are they called? Deer ticks? They have a civilized relationship. This conspiracy goes all the way to the top, Lucy. All the way to the top.
It's like that thing where the internet's always like, you know how a tarantula and a frog are best friends. Which I'm like, is this apocryphal? Is this true? A scientist is never telling me this. A guy on TikTok is telling it to me. That's right. Oh, a tarantula keeps a frog as a pet. It's always some guy in a gamer chair telling me, right? Got a frog and a tarantula or two best friends. I don't know. I want to believe. But whatever you say. Anyway, I think we cracked that.
And finally, we've got cat in Baltimore. Cat says, I was five or six visiting a farm with a group of kids. Some of us were milking a goat. And I was the one closest to the goat's head. At a certain point, my head felt weird. And that's when I realized the goat had chewed off one of my pigtails. That story made me laugh so hard. That is such a quaint. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's so pure. It's like, you know, the way it happened on, it's like I'm watching the Andy Griffith show. Is that?
Yeah, it's like a little house on the prairie situation, you know? Yeah, yeah, I love it. I don't like either of those things. I like this story. Yeah. Megan, remember growing up in Seattle? I'm curious what side of the divide you're on. I feel like every year all my peers would come back to school and they would have a button on their backpack that said I milked a goat at the pu-out fair. What? What are you talking about? Okay, well, me, I never once milked a goat at the pu-out fair.
I was like, when do you mean you milked a goat? Where's that booth? Did you have to get specially invited to milk a goat at the pu-out fair? I don't even have a point of reference for what you're talking about. I've never heard of that. I know what the pu-out fair is. I know what the pu-out fair is. I know that there are like farm animals at it. But I've never in my life heard of someone milking a goat at it. And then making a big show about how they did it. People had buttons.
They had buttons, Megan. That's... And why? You're something about me. If you tell me that I'm left out of something, even if I'm not interested in it, I don't want to touch a goat's teeth. But I want it. I want in. I'm milking that goat. That's the Lindy West Crito. That's the tagline of the podcast. The text me back here. I'm going to build that goat. I'm going to build that goat. I'm going to build that goat. I'm going to build that goat. I'm going to build that goat.
Okay. We actually have two really quick ones that are not about animals go snakes. Any of that. There are just two really nice things that we got from Text Me Backlights of the Text Club. One is that for someone wrote in to say that for the longest time they thought my last name was Hat Jermaze. Hat? Jermaze Dupri. Hat? Hiphon Jermaze. The famous last name that we're all talking about. You should change it. I'm going to. And then the next one is just so nice.
And I think just everything we ever wanted. Yeah. Genuinely. Yeah. This podcast to be, this is a little message that we got from Allison. She says, you two have reunited a friend in me. We had a very similar and hilarious friendship in college. And she reached out because the ways you guys talk about your high school friendship was just like us. So many inside jokes in our own way of speaking.
A language where every word ended with B. Instead of studying once we drew turkeys on each other's faces, why? Comedy. I'm so glad this podcast exists and I'm still laughing at the cream cheese rant, which if you don't remember was when Lindy said that buttercream frosting is the proletariat. And cream cheese frosting is elitist. Anyway, correct. Correct. All makes sense. If you felt like giving a special shout out to Anna from Allison B, that would make my year.
Love you, Anna. Thank you, Allison. That's the cutest and nicest thing anyone has ever said about our show. And all we've ever wanted. It's for best friends. To be best friends. You're why we keep going, you know. Every day, Lindy and I are at the podcast training facility. Doing burpees. Doing vocal exercises. Jumping on big boxes. All for you. Best friends everywhere. Aw. Make and we, we done it again. I don't want this episode to end. I know.
Because then we have to leave this room and not be in the room together anymore. I know. I honestly, I wish we would like bank six new episodes recorded in the room to get the audience together because I do feel like the magic is a little bit more sparkly. Yeah, something that the energy is electric. But I guess we have to end the show. Next week on the pod, when we will be sadly apart once again. Separated. Staring at each other through a little screen. Yeah. We're gonna, you know what?
We're gonna just snake of the week. I'm always constantly teasing snake content. I'm never delivering. I am over-promising and under-delivering, which is not the way I like to do business. And not the way for the president of the snake fan club to behave. Lindy. So true. The board is gonna be taking this up with you at the next meeting. No, I'm in a rears. And also, we're gonna talk about problematic faves. I think that you and I are just desperate to get canceled at this point.
We've already admitted that Donald Trump is funny. We've complemented Chuck Grassley. I shared that Mark Meadows is my favorite member of Congress. And next week, I might say something like, I love Tom Cruise. And then what are you gonna do? You're gonna keep giving me the benefit of the doubtlesseners? Really? Is that what you're gonna do? This shows all about problematic faves. Tagline alert. To the next week, it'll be fun. And if you haven't already, buy your tickets to our live show.
March 15th, 730PM, Town Hall, Seattle. If you are in the stunning and beautiful Seattle area, we would love to see you. It's going to be super fun. Yeah, we're going to be cackling as loud as a human being has ever cackled in the history of cackling. So, if you haven't gotten your tickets yet, go to kuow.org slash events. We'll find a link to our beautiful and stunning show. You should purchase tickets for you and your bestie. Besties. Thank you so much for listening to Text Me Back.
If you like the show, please tell your best friend about us. And rate and review us. It helps people find the show. Text Me Back is a production of KUW in Seattle, a proud member of the NPR network. Our editor is Jeannie Yandell. Our senior producer is Brandy Fullwood. Our mixer is Jason Burrows. Diane Bowen makes our video clips. And they are, do you like Valt? And I'm not just saying that because we're in them. Go enjoy them at Text Me BackPod on Instagram and TikTok.
Our production team includes Michaela Geonati-Boyle, Amelia Peacock, Alicia Villa, Ponds Twite, Brendan Sweeney, and Marshall Eisen. Our music is by Chief Aham Mayfale J. Uluo, special thanks to our perfect angel, Azul Daraftary. I'm Lindy West, and I'm Megan Hatcher-Mays. See you next week. Welcome to Text Me Back, a podcast about where's my medicine? A podcast about why did they come in this room? Hello? Text Me Back. The podcast takes down the killer with flying tackle.
Every week. Text Me Back. The go-to podcast for pig people. Text Me Back. I did not wash my hair. Text Me Back. Black perspectives have been a little bit more important. I'm not going to be a big fan of this. I'm not going to be a big fan of this. I'm not going to be a big fan of this. I'm not going to be a big fan of this. Black perspectives haven't always been centered in the telling of America's story. Now, we're taking center stage. Introducing NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths.
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