Everyone Needs a "Jay!" w/ Karamo Brown

The girls that I said, you know what, I bought them for you for. I'm paying attention. Girl that better not be more than a certain size girl.

That means.

It's a height limit. Let me you know what we do here, destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now, let me tell you something messy. I don't know if it's messy. It is, though, basically every time I go through the t s A it seems as though I

I don't.

I don't want to say that, right, Like, what, like, what else is going on? The TSA keeps stopping me for this weapon. I hate this. This is so toxic, but I have no other Like I thought it was a zipper at one point, but like it's because I have like one of my sweats has like zippers on the side, but it's not that because there's no zipper in the front of my groin because I'm not wearing jeans. They're like, I'm not. I don't, you know, I don't.

I'm really great.

I'm so happy you're here. This happen. Thank you, gorgeous? Thank you. Okay, before we get into the messy ki ki, we have some messy mandates, all right, Okay, here we go. Things get to be on process. Any thoughts or opinion shared have the right to shift, evolve or change today, tomorrow, ten years from now. And if during the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offense. We use the safe word foosball, which gives us a moment to pivot or

Yes, let's say something.

You tell me if you smash your pass it? Okay, smash or past? Camping pass great wine?

Because I hate the outdoors.

Yeah, what are the outdoors? I also do not like the outdoors because I'm black. There's ancestors that are whispering in my ears. Yes, no, no, we're not doing this ship. Yeah.

People love to camp for days at a time. My husband can do it for three days max. But then afterwards, the showering of it all, he really can't.

And your husband is Caucasian, and that is why, that is why, that is.

That is absolutely correact and I never go camping. I'm not doing smash your past being verbal and during sex in the bedroom, like, do you like quiet?

Do you smash?

Yes?

I'm not verbal, but I love someone verbal.

You love someone verbal? So you like when they talk? You like when they moan?

All of them scream, moan.

Tell me what you like what I do was I love to I like to whisper in ears and say like, this is fucking mine, Like, tell me this moment, this belongs to me.

Whisper.

I do a lot of that that's verbal as yeah, but like I'm a whisper. Whisper and sex yeah, but I like I like them to be like as loud as possible.

I love that. I was at a sexpert the other day and there was a moment where I forgot myself and I was like, wow, I'm a squeaking murder. It's a lower my voice. I'm a smash on spit play yes, yes, smash sorry yea. Also you can also smash if it's like a smash mast.

Yeah, it's a smash. It's a smash.

Yeah, it's because I'd love to like do a slight little in someone else's mouth. Yes, but if you spit on me again again their ancestors. Yes, okay, I got whisper in my ears, like you just said what happened.

Yes, okay, I'm with you. I like spit a but if you spit on me, I have to like remind myself that we're not about to fight, because initially I'm like and oh wait, no, no, no, we're having a little Yes. So it's a smass smash or pass fingering smash smash. Do you like to finger or be fingered or both?

I like to only finger. Yes, Yes, I'm very rare when things are near my booty hoole.

That's love. It's love. When it's love, it's only love. I can't say the same uh often. But fingering is I have like a I have a smass relationship. I feel like if somebody can do it and knows how to do it, it's great. But I think that some people, like the finger and the dick do not feel the same, and people try to work it the same way and it's like no, no, no, Like the finger needs to be gentler. And I also don't always want to inside

Yes, it's it's actually one of the ways that I learned to be a better top was learning how to finger first, Oh, tell me about it, eating ass and learning how to top and being patient and also understanding what your partner needs.

Yes.

Also allows you to be more in tuned with their feelings. They're what they're what they're going to enjoy them out of. And someone who's not a good top is going to treat an asshole with a finger the same way they would treat it with their penis.

Yeah.

So it's like like you just said, like sometimes it's not about jamming it in, it's sometimes about like how am I massaging it?

Yeah?

I'm playing with the hole in the process at the same time with my thumb, Like are we going a little bit?

Do we need to make it a little bit wetter? Do we need to eat it a little bit? Do we need to do these things?

Yeah?

How did you learn to become a better top? Like who taught you? Or did you go searching? Or did somebody to the bottom was like.

A really good bottom, a really good, really good bottom. Yeah, I'm gonna call him Jay. Yeah please and Jay still he's married with a beautiful kid now. And Jay really was like, I'm ten years older than you and I'm to sell your little fucking twenty three year ass Ye pay attention, girl, Yes.

Now I need you to ask me what is this? Do you need to And thenes he.

Said no, girls ask her, yes, she wants that to And I'm like Okay, Oh I love Jay.

Yeah, everyone needs a Jay. I feel like everyone needs, especially queer folks because you know, I feel like straight sexes is no straight men also need I think the ladies listening here like, yes, please get them. I'll be the Jay. But like, yeah, I think we all need because it's wild, like we're kind of tossed into sex and expected to know how to do it based off of what we saw on a TV show or we saw on porn, but that there's no there's such a

One of my favorite things that I try to remind people now is like especially when like, if you really want to make sure that your sex life is good, I'm I love a pause in the middle where we start, get up, get up from the space you're fucking stand, kiss, embrace, and then within that say.

Did you like that?

Yes?

What do you want more of? What do you not? You know? And like it's it can be very sexy.

It's not because people think like to ask is to take away the mood, right, but actually a pause with an embrace and kissing in the middle and being like did you like?

What do you like?

Is like you're you're making sure that we're all aligned, the intimacy is there, and then you're now paying attention to their needs. I love, And that's my favorite fucking thing to do.

That is such a great recommendation, and I appreciate like stepping that out like a check in, check in during the sex, but then like a really big step out of.

The step out, step out, and we're not laying not like it's.

Like we're taking a moment. We're taking a moment.

We're going to breathe, We're gonna embrace, like what did you like?

You know what I think is people are white people don't do that as because I also I often feel like people are going once we penetrator and this is it, and I'm like, sex is like it's a journey, journey, journey. I just went on a roller coaster yesterday, so I'm going to describe it as a roller coaster, which is that like they are ups and downs, there are loops. There's moments that it's super fast moments, but like having those, like understanding that sex should be a journey and not

I'm so glad that we have you, and then you have this podcast me too, and that you are like on a national platform talking about these things. Yeah, and I just got to give you some flowers. I mean, seriously, I got. I mean, I've always loved your career and I always supported you, But when I saw you the other day, I watch What Happens Live and you talking so freely and openly and confidently about you your relationships, I literally got emotional because as black men, as black

Yeah, there's the queers and the black queers. There's not a space necessarily for us all to go to to go to watering holes like.

You are it.

And I'm getting full and I'm enjoying every moment of it. And I've just said to give your flowers?

Can I give your flowers back? Though? Because you have supported me from the very beginning and seeing you is also given me courage. Do you know what I'm saying? Like seeing somebody that looks like me out there, who is openly queer living their fabulous life like that is he Let mean, that's not something I grew up with, even like you know the Coromo show right now, Like that wasn't to see a black queer with their own daytime show. That wasn't a thing. That wasn't even like

Well, I can't wait, and well I can't wait, but I can't wait for two hundred years from now when there's two of us here, They're gonna be calling on the ancest and we're gonna be standing over.

To get it, baby, get it. We are so proud, Okay, get it.

Yeah, we're proud of y'all. Keep achieving, keep sucking.

Absolutely we will be there, will be absolutely. Absolutely. You won the game by the way you did the smash your paths. You want to you win. My unconditional love if y'all have any prompts or ideas for loop breakers, email tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, Chroma, can you tell me something messy?

What I am is an open book, and what I am now is I want to be more of an

She's a hoe.

I'm we're both.

I claim it and I love it.

I love my body and I love I love consensual sex and respect and like nastiness at all. And sometimes there's not a space for I'm a professional, but also I'm a sexual being.

And then we'll do it. So pretty friends, these are your submissions, and remember everything gets to remain anonymous. Okay, this one says recently discovered I like getting my pussy juice spit in my mouth?

What do you think of?

Well, so like we don't have necessarily pussy juice or I guess do you like complays?

So I had a girlfriend is speaking of oh back in the way, who like this? She loved it. She loved for me to eat her out and then go back in her mouth. She's probably the catalyst for me never going back to girls ever.

By the way, because you're like, there, listen, and this is no vagina shaming.

I'm not one of those girls.

The vagina is gorgeous's beautiful, love it powerful. She's just not for me, absolutely, and when she is leaking at her best, she's definitely not.

You're like, I can't do that.

She's definitely like for me. I've never been a friend of a great food. I've never I've never like, give me something that like squirts.

In my mouth and yeah I want to ice cream?

Want But she liked when I would like. It started off where that was eighteen.

You would eat her out and then she would say kiss me, and then it got to more like playing with her clitorists.

She came and then she'd be like, put.

In my mouth, Oh what for some for some, hey, for some, for I feel like I mean, I do love swallowing. I'm a you know, I'm an overachiever in that way, but I've never like put come in my mouth and then like spirit or let them or come in somebody's mouth and let them put in my mouth. I'll try it, and then I'll let you know, because I don't know.

Maybe dependent on how much the person orgasms.

Sure like if they're a big coming, yeah, I famously understand it. I have smaller loads. Famously. There are times where it's a big load, but usually i'd be getting sucked for a long time. Yes, but if it's just like a masturbation, it's because I'm a dribbler, like down there, look at me, knowing sports. But I'm gonna try this. My boyfriend does couple lot, so I don't know I can do it with him, but yes, I'm gonna try this. Hour report back. Okay, this one says, my boyfriend's office

Yes, How do you do it about especially once they start getting to like twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, Yeah, and they could fully be aware its kids ruined sex.

Do you have to have a conversation about it?

Do you? Like, how do you win kids?

Well, like yeah, like if you're like, okay, you're a ven age having sex me and no, no.

I mean like maybe you should be able to have a conversation, but like I still and I know how to talk about relationships. I know, have a conversation with kids about them being safe with their sex. It's been about exploring, but like there's always this boundary of like I'm your dad, I can't tell you what I'm doing, Thus you can't hear what I'm.

Doing, and you can't you can't know.

You can't I don't do anything any single thing. And so it's so like like when I was in when we were I was in this ten year relationship, and when the kids were in the house, it was like no, no sex, or we.

Have to go in the bathroom. The bathroom door that was in the bedroom already, So.

There was like a double double.

Usually the shower would be on or we'd have to wait till they were sleep, and it was always silent, you know what I mean.

We just talked about like yeah, yeah, And so I feel for them. They are always gonna want to be They want to know what's.

Hayah, I have the clothes I have? Is the dog? The dog really wants to be?

Oh my god, I'm like, you have to.

I'm okay with people like to have sex with the animals in the room. God bless you. That is not me.

I don't mean either when you turn right, Oh my gosh, we wanted to.

Not doing talk in the living room, will be in the bedroom. Yea, yeah, I don't.

I wish I wish parents the best of luck. Though that I wish them the best.

I wish you have. You have to negotiate it.

It's like real conversation about how we're gonna do that. Yeah, but you know that's probably also like what I like straight couples, they end up having sexless marriages because they get into a pattern where it's like it's about the kids. Yes, we can't have intimacy unto their sleep. And then now we've just lost learning how to have connection.

Yes, we talked about that. I interview Danielle Schneider and we were talking just about like motherhood and how that shifts when you have a kid and now your attention becomes about the kid. How that can kind of play with your sex drive and like having to learn a new way of connecting. Yes, actually yeah, because you're like there's a new child or several children, and that's gonna it's not gonna be as easy as it was.

Yeah.

But I also think with gay men and I can speak from that. For me, I think like seeing as how and not allah, there is the way our parties, you know, like a circuit party or like even like a festival or a pride can like sometime you know, allow you know, more open sexual environments, like navigating that when you have kids as well, like you know what I mean, because like we know that a friend can also be a.

Could be a friend. Kids, kids pick up on certain yeah energy.

And so having those those conversations were also like how did you do that?

Did were you able to do that? Are you still forget that? No?

At somebody? What's the email address?

At?

Message?

Tell me something amail dot com? Can y'all tell us gay parents out of the trenches now?

But the ones that are in there, how y'all doing that, How y'all doing how y'all navigating the circuit parties and the full.

And they're coming home with the kids.

Because have you ever seen that little bor on social media where he like mimics his two gay his parents are bears, and oh yes, I like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love them. Like he's going to pick up on something soon.

They're not intentionally trying to put that phone down, so that's see. Okay. This one says, I went to my first Sniffy's orgy on Saturday, a success, which sniffy is, by the way, for you who don't know, it's an app, it's it's an app as far as I understand, that's just on a desktop. And I would say, as my understanding, Sniffy's they nasty and grinder. They in the parks.

So you know why it can't be because like, you can't confirm my identity. So that's why they can't. They don't reach those guidelines because.

Anonymous, and that's part of the I like to know who I like.

I don't want to be on it.

I don't want to.

I'm not showing up to see who is the person. I like the surprise, you know. I used to love like when the door opens. That's not how I like to do my No, no, that's my TV shows. Do you remember your first orgy?

Mine?

Yeah?

Yeah, what was it?

What was your experience in your first orgy?

It was overwhelming because everyone I talked about it like there was a strong period of my life where like I was heavy on like drugs and whatever. But at this point for my first urgy, I was sober, and so it was overwhelming because there was nothing but a lot of high bottoms that all were like you know, everyone else who could have been a top was unable to perform because we were too high.

Yeah.

So it was like a lot of pressure of life.

It was you and your day.

It was like I'm like, girl, I go, let's go. But then it was like, okay, I don't. It's like I'm not connecting anymore. Yeah, and for me, I need connection. I need a bit of connection.

I'm with you just a little bit, even though you're just like do you like that song? I like that song too, Yeah, let's follow it.

You need a little bit of connection.

So a little bit. Yes, you know, let me define orgy because I was thinking about, like, what is the difference between an orgy and a sex party, which they have crossover, but they're I think slightly different. Do you know the difference I would think would you describe it? I would think that.

Sex party is more a lot more strangers and also usually is coming after a club or there could be more drugs involved, where orgy is more we're aware of the people that are coming and that you know, like this is specifically for us to have a certain type of enjoyment and there's.

Less drugs involved. Yes, is what I would assume that would So this.

Is this is I googled it and it said an orgy is This one says a sex party where guests freely engage and open and unrestrained sexual activity of group sex. This other one says a wild party, especially one involving excessive drinking and unrestrained sexual activity. I'm kind of more with you. Where I think an orgy, I would describe it as group sex, which you know, like is like five or more, uh, And I would say that like we're all in the same room. Ye.

Sex party is like the girls.

And there's like maybe perhaps I don't know if it's I would say, like a sex party. Sometimes he has a little more structure because you're like, I feel like I get invited to a sex party and somebody's like, on Friday night, we're doing this. Yeah, there will be lub.

Well, I feel like orgy is more structured. Okay, is girls after people are coming, yes, in my opinion, but the sex party is also.

But I guess the clear different delineation is that a sex party would be y'all were just in this space wherever you are.

Orgy we're all coming all together together. Were more it's more concise.

Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I think.

But expert, whatever you do.

It is what was my first orgy? So my very first orgy, by this description, would have been in college, eight of us that were freshmen, several of us, several men and women, and I don't remember, I like didn't know what was happened. It was like my first six you know you've seen it important. I can't remember if we got naked, like all in the bed, touching and

It's surprising that you like dark rooms when you don't like a Sniffy's so okay.

So I've learned this about myself. Okay, So I like a dark room if I feel emotionally connected outside of the dark room. So if my relationships and my like roster is doing well outside, then I can do whatever in the dark But if my roster or my sex is not doing well outside, then there becomes too much pressure in the dark room. Got it? Does that make sense?

See, I've never enjoyed it dark You've never enjoyed a dark room.

There's a connection.

There's a small piece of me that's demisexual.

Oh and let me can I let me just define demisexual? Uh, which is a sexual orientation, where a person only experiences sexual attraction after forming a close emotional connection with someone. I need you want to know who they are.

I need to know who you are. I mean, sex is beautiful. I love it. I love it when it's free and everyone is enjoying it.

Yes, but like I also like, so I'm I'm one of these girls that if we have sex, like and it's random, like I still want to like.

Follow you on Instagram.

Yeah, Like most people could go to my followers list and be like, oh okay, because girl, Like if a random person had picked up, it's because I'm not as gonna be like, oh girl, I'm like.

That's gonna I hate why people don't like to say hello at the gym after her. It's like, babe, I was inside you, like hello, Hello, how are you? How are you? People really get like in their head like yeah.

But no, And so I think that for me is why the experience of like dark rooms those places aren't as exciting. Yes, because it's like, well, like what you just said, if you're a build up on the outside, it's sexy now it can follow through for me. Unfortunately, Like even if the build up is sexy outside I don't want to go on there because again I can't see.

I can't see, and it's true, I do love. I do love to dance with somebody. I'm so my friends make fun of me because I feel like I get a boyfriend at a party, like a dance for a boyfriend, so like where my friends will bounce around from guy to guy. I've seen it, You've seen me like with one. I love it. I'm like I'm in my loan and my one night relationship.

You are giving what I else I love about you is you dance and you give us a sexy, beautiful show. You're like you're like it's like very like the way I can describe you in a club if you don't mind you please is Janet jackson if video.

Wow, this is pray you like but like just but like also sexy, but it's like I'm gonna hit that but all eyes on you.

I love.

I love a dance for I love owning my power and I love I love you. That's my like ursula moment. I feel like I lure the boys you do.

That's that's why the only only thought I could have was Janet Jackson If. Because it's like I'm here looking at me and like everyone is watching.

I'm okay with that. I know it took a little bit, but I love it. My dance for boyfriend Ye. And then I go in out the dark room with them, Yes, and I find that to be the sexiest. Okay. This one says there's a girl who's really into me and I like her, but I think I'm afraid of intimacy. Help. So I thought we could talk about intimacy because we were talking about emotional connection this time. Yeah, I'll define intimacy first, and then we can get into how one

It's not not. Yeah, intimacy is.

It's literally what I just said about earlier, about the taking a moment outside of the space yes and standing Yeah, I'm embracing you and figuring out what you need yes, that's intimacy.

That's to me is when real intimacy happens.

I agree, what is your desires? What do you want?

Who are you?

Who are you? It's a desire to know someone, which I find and I've learned this over time. But it can be difficult for people to want to have that intimacy with a stranger or with someone they're new with. And I think that that's exactly when you should be trying to agree, Tomcy. But I think that because people are so afraid and think that they have to go deep. Yeah, you know what I mean.

It's like we have to get married now, we have to get an intimate Yes, Like intimacy is just like I'm just curious to have a little bit more of a connection.

Yeah.

I think that we're losing a bit of that curiosity, you know what I mean of like who are you?

Yeah? What are you about? And what do you like?

And like I don't have to then all of a sudden say I want more sure because I want to be a little bit more intimate with you. And I think people need to reframe that in their minds that intimacy doesn't mean long term connection. Intimacy can mean, I just want to know a bit about you for this moment, Yes, so that we can have a better connection.

I love that. I think that you're saying that, and that makes me think that the fear around intimacy is that you're losing something. Yeah, right, Like my fear to give this intimacy is that I feel like I'm going to lose something or that I'm going to be seen and rejected, which sorry, I'm processing real time. Which then I would be curious if you are intimate with yourself.

Oh yeah, Well, the journey always tells with ourselves. I mean, and when this goes into emotional sexual how well do you know yourself?

Like, Yeah, I know my body. I know the parts that I like.

I know the parts that make me feel uncomfortable, and I'm falling in love with the parts that make me feel uncom I know what's going to make me orgasm. I know what is going to make me feel giddy, and it's you know, childlike in this instance of like when we're playful and yeah, for sure, And it's because I'm intimate with myself. I have the hard conversation with myself. I get close with myself and a lot of people don't do that.

You know what I mean?

You know how I learned to be intimate with myself. Nothing about it was learning how to douche because there's something about that's like you have to learn your body, like you have to know when you can do it. How how long is.

But like for me, I've never done in my life.

Oh my goodness, I want you to do it, just to do it, I cannot. I can't. Okay, you might listen, life is long. You might at one point be like, I'm gonna learn how to do Why not said.

The girls that I said that that in my life, I've said, you know what, I bought them for you for I'm paying attention. Girl, that better not be more than a certain size.

Girl. That means you, I'm very specific girl, Like was it's.

The height limit?

Let me mention very small.

I feel like douching really because the process of learning how to do it and like learning my like learning my gut health was required me to be really in touch with my body. And so that I think started or helped to contribute to a journey of like being into with myself. And I do think that the fear because this person let me read you exactly what they said. They said, I'm afraid of intimacy, and I think that

I agree that's what you are with it. Yeah, right, if I can tell you, if I can. Hearing you say that, it reminded me that I think the first time that I realized that I was intimate with myself is through Jagon, who told me to match the right in front of them ah and directed me. And this is young twenty two year old me twenty three. Yeah, that said he was like, touch yourself, m because I most men when they're having when they're watching porn, it is about me playing only with my penis.

Yes, that's it.

I'm going to here, I'm playing with this and then maybe nipples. That's it, yes, but how many of us have ever caressed ourselves while we're doing it, enjoying ourselves, maybe choked yourself a little, did anything to yourself to make yourself feel more connected with your own body in this act. And then secondly, when he told me to do that, it was like it was changing for me because I had never caressed my own self. And then afterwards the porn that I was watching, he said, so,

And where am I? Like?

Why was this group sex or this this fist thing play or whatever it is. Why was that?

Yeah? And it's not with judgment, right, It's a curiosity.

With yourself about yourself. It's not a group thing because that is now intimacy. And the more you can get comfortable in that this person here, you will then find yourself. When someone says I want to know more about your body, You're like explore, yes, And when they say what are you into, You're like, I know what I'm I know,

Yes, And also like if you don't know, I think that's also intimacy. It's like, oh, I actually don't know in this and I want to explore. I want to expe you are.

But even that being most people are not afraid to say that. Yeah, but that starts with again, like that that just taking a moment with yourself. Everything starts at home. Yeah, everything starts with you.

I would also suggest, and this is what I've been working on, especially suggested for men or male body and anyone's like kind of raising that indoctrinated with that is I'm working on being more intimate with my male friends, which is not sexual.

Yeah, but like you know, I was with my best.

Friend the other day. I was just holding his hand, not sexual. It's like I'm here, like, just what are those things that we're taught don't do because that's not manly or that's whatever. How can I like let me run my hand through my best friends? Like it's not sexual, but it's intimate.

So my publicist is here yea.

And literally when I pulled up the first thing, I rolled down the window and said, you are stunning and there is there is no sexual between us. We have never had anything like that, And but I make it a priority. Yes, say intimate beautiful things. Yes, to make sure he's aware. Yes, like you're one of the most beautiful people.

You deserve the like and he is.

Do we not have that like shared like respect of like I agree with you, like in finding ways to hug, embrace, hold a hand.

Yes, with a male friend that doesn't turn into sex is also gorgeous.

I love that. Yeah, It's like you can work on your intimacy with yourself and with your platonic relationships, and I think that will bleed into the romantic or the sexual relationships because we're like, what is the fact.

That so thank you?

Oh my gosh, al conversations.

All generation this girl. You have no idea.

We didn't have this girl. We didn't have it. We did not have it. We did not have conversation we need to be having.

Yeah.

Yeah, So for this person, I would say, uh.

One.

I would also say you can say to that girl, I'm afraid of intimacy. I think that's another thing that's an intimate that's an intimate act. It's an intimate it's to say to the person I'm afraid of intimacy. I like you, I really enjoy this, but I'm afraid to.

And people don't realize that, Yes, even saying the thing that's hard is an intimate act.

And when you say the hard thing to me, it gives you all the information you need by the way the person responds or reacts, and it's like, oh is this If the person who responds in a way that holds it, you're like, oh, this is somebody I can continue pursuing.

What listen?

If they don't, then you're like, save you some time save you to ye.

Let me tell you what I learned very early on is that an action can be closure for me. I don't need to have forty conversations with you to get my closure.

Come on, that takes time for you.

To understand that. Like your response in this moment gives me the closure I need to know. This is never gonna work.

You can just leave people where they are. Where they are, You can say I feel like there's these memes are like just say lol, like the girls.

Feel like I need to call you, I need conversation. Your action just gave me the closure I had.

Absolutely thank you. And even if you had that conversation, the frustration you might come up against is that person is what I always say, reacting versus responding. So when somebody's reacting an attack, it has nothing to do with you. It's the baggage that they've brought and it's being projected onto you. So you're never gonna get the clear answer that you want because it has nothing to do with it nothing.

So take that as your closure.

Take the Actually, my angel, when somebody shows you they are believe that your side, you did that fuck shit, that's all that's.

All I needed.

I'm so quick on telling people thank you, thank you. People are so confused when they do something that is negative. Yes, say thank you people for the past decade. Yeah, because they're like what, and I'm like, no, thank you, gratitude. And then I'm like and then the scorpio pops in. I'm like, bye, have a good day.

When I go on a date and somebody's rude to a waiter, it is a thank you moment for me.

Thank you.

It's like, oh, you're our first date and you be mean to people who are helping us.

Thank you.

I don't need to thank you.

You go there.

You mean to me. Eventually, thank thank you, goodbye, goodbye.

Yeah, thank you.

That's team. Let me ask you the last two questions that we asked here, which is, have you ever had sex and a porta potty? No?

Girl, No, she is not doing it.

I'm neither.

But some people have Okay, hold on, talk to me or have you Oh my gosh, oh realized this.

Think about it.

So I have house parties and I have portaties. Yes, and they're fancy.

They're fancy.

They're fancy, they're not they're not the usual pour out the construction, construction, they're facing music playing everything.

Yeah, it's like a little bit of room. Very nice, and so I have Okay, okay, I just oral or in one of my to be honest, I might have had something to do. Actually, see I did the first time I getting over. I did have a little moment.

About the lie.

Yeah, I've been lying on this podcast. I had sex and I did all right, here we go.

Girl.

It's not festival and it doesn't stay. That's what's crazy. It stays. Yeah, okay. The last question is what could you learn to love more about yourself?

What can I learn? That's a hard question because I'm the self work I do daily.

I bet, I mean, I really am constantly talking to myself, having conversation with.

Myself, Like what's the thing that you worked on the most that you were like, oh this is this was the thorn. Maybe you love your love you you love it now, but it was originally a thorn.

I wasn't patient with myself and and now I'm more patient with myself and I love that I'm in that journey right now, makes sense, makes perfect sense. Yeah, I am also relationships wise, I am also in a space where if we are not planning our partnership, then I don't want it. It has to be both of us planning our partnership. And when I say planning our partnership, I mean are we both actively engage in how we're

That is so such tea because I have data people where I'm like trying to have the emotional conversation and.

They don't want to. They don't want to have that such conversation. They're not They might want to talk one part of how we're moving forward, but they don't want to talk about the other day. Absolutely, And so if you're not planning your partnership with me intentionally, then girl, I don't need to be around you.

I also think that you're saying partnership is so important, and I try to specify that like I'm never looking for a spouse or a boyfriend or this, I'm looking for a partner. It's different, yes, like we're building something well, the way you have a business partner, the way you have a co host what it's like. That is the partnership that I'm looking for building. You said, not just trying to be like your passive husband, wife or boyfriend girlfriend,

Yeah, emostly, mentally, physically, come on, sexually, come on, And I.

Am all about that because I am tired of doing the work in a partnership and another nigga is not.

And you know what that is? That is uh, there's a version of yourself that could hate that standard and like fight against that and learning too, because I feel like that's been me with just emotional connection, learning to love that I enjoy emotional connection that I needed it, you know. So it's like, oh, I need partnership. I need this type of relationship and I don't. That's not

I will come anytime you want.

Literally, don't make my pussy clap before I leave, clip plat. I love you so much, thank you for having me. Of course you've already know we're hoes here, but hose with heart. So before we get out of here, let me speak to yours. I love that everyone should find a jay that is t you need your fairy home mother. And perhaps I am a fairy home mother for some of you or for a lot of you, and I'm honored, but yeah, I think that everyone needs to find a jay.

You know.

The I am team saying I don't know. I have learned, and this is about sex is about anything. I have learned that there is such power in saying I don't know, you know, asking questions, being curious, but saying I do not know, because baby, it's your first time doing life. You don't need to know everything. You don't have to know everything. It does not make you a better person because you know everything. It does not make you a smarter person or or dumb person because you don't everything.

You know what I'm saying.

There's a tone to that, and so I want to So I really like Zach's definition, and that's what we will be using here on the show. Okay, Well that's it. I love you so much. Let's do some homekeeping. You can find Karama on Instagram at Karamo k r Amo. You can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at tell Me Something Messy, and you can join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts,