Drain Snakes and Small Chores w/ Alex Hall

Have you ever licked a man from his toe to his forehead? You're not living his toe to his forehead and then stopping on the dick for a second, like hitting the whole runway and then stopping for a birth.

I have not.

That's what I'm saying. We're all too BOTTI that.

You know what we do here destroy shame around sex by talking about sex.

Now, let me tell you something messy. I'm excited to.

Tell you about a kink of mine. You don't know why, but I guess that's what we do here. So I h this. I found this out like maybe a year ago, a year or so ago, but I've never like processed it. And then, you know, I've been doing a lot of talking about love and softness, and I was like, oh, my goodness, I think that this is Oh that's a kink of mine.

So double back, let's let's rewind. I'll explain to you. So I was.

On grinder and this man popped up. Yes, he was tall, and my bessies and I always converse about when they're tall and skinny.

Their dicks are very large.

I do not make the rules, but that tends to be the case, like when they are you know, very like six six one six two sixty three, and they skinny, skinny, their dicks tend to be very very heavy.

So this man.

Who was very tall and skinny, hit me up and I was very excited because I was like, well, that that's gonna.

Be a big dick.

And I was right correct science the science match he sent me his album. I was like, ah, praise, praise God.

The scientist that is God.

She's a strong trans black woman, and we thank her for these big dicks that she sends your messy mom. So I invited him over and he comes over and like a great house guest, he brings weed, He brings me some edibles. He brings joints. I have joints, and so like we're just gonna like sit down on the couch and smoke and chat and get to know each other.

And you know, I love an emotional connection, and so we do.

And he's got let me just say this, he's very hairy on the face, which I love long hair, which I also love. I love long hair on a masculine body. It just you know, the you know me, my little mom binary ass loves the little mask fem combination. So we start you know, doing the things. The dick comes out. It's beautiful. I take good care of it. We move to the bedroom.

I continue taking care of his beautiful dick.

He's inside me, he's fucking me.

It's lovely.

I'm saying, thank you God. You know the black trans woman that is God. I'm thanking her for this beautiful dick that is railing me.

Oh my god.

If this is your first time listening to the show, welcome baby. And then he says to me, so like we're in missionary position. So I'm on my back.

He's fucking me.

Uh. And then he's about to come, and he stops and he goes, listen, I'm going to I'm gonna tell you that I love you. It's just a thing that I like to do. Is that okay? I was like yeah, sure. So he's like great. So then he resumes fucking me, and as he's about to come.

He's like, I love you. I love you. I love you so.

Much, bitch.

The way that I came, Okay.

The way that And you know, I don't know if I said this, I'm sure I have. Historically, I don't shoot big loads. I'm not a porn star. A load giver, like, you know, like if I've I wass in porn, they would have to mix up some cake batter to make it look like I really did something, because it's just always a boop, you know, but when I you know, Okay, I won't get into that too much. But anyways, this time he said I love you, and I was covered cover I covered myself. I still love myself, not not

It just unlocked.

Something in me, I guess, or something that I didn't know was there, which is a love kink. I guess which I know. This is the thing people people find I love you to be a lovely kink.

I haven't done more research about it.

I'm gonna do it. I'll bring it back to you when I do. But I just wanted to share that I do have and I love you kink. Now, I love love in general. But oh my goodness, like to stop me in the middle of sex and say, can I say I love you while I come? Uh, the answer is always gonna be yes.

The answers.

By the way, welcome to the show. This is tell me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon called good Man. Some people call me messy mom, but you can call me I was gonna say white out, but I don't like that name. You don't call me white out, blackout if anything, okay, but you could call me, uh oh, what can you call me? You could call me commy gummy.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it, I hate it. I hate it. But that's what you're gonna call me today. Comme me gummy.

Maybe you know what that means. It is time for a guess now while they get situated and before we go into our home manifeste, just a couple bits of oh keeping, if you will, so thank you so much for rating, reviewing, and subscribing. I had like put out a message to say I wanted to get like one hundred ratings and we got their baby. So now the new goal is one hundred and fifty by the end of this month. So if you were enjoying the show,

Baby, all right.

Okay, now for the whole manifest Stowe repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries.

The strength to not call my ex.

That fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for it is better to masturbate by my help and peace than to let someone play in my motherfucker face that the community say hoolujah. I am so excited to have Alex Hall on the show. Alex Hall is the co founder and host of the Bottom's Digest, a platform dedicated to teaching you how to bottom safely and prioritize your pleasure from your mouth to your bum. He is also a sexual health educator, butt and gut recipe developer, body autonomy activists,

Thank you so much. That's an intro. I'm sorry to be I love you.

I love you so long, I know, but I never get to see you.

So I'm glad you're here, your Chicago cold.

I'm a four season early girl, season early rub it in.

I am this one season is good for me, baby.

I think of Chloe seven yay saying I find the sunshine monotonous when she was talking about La and I'm like, not me thinking.

Sunshine is monotonous.

Give me some cold y'all, y'ah listen, I think the sunshine is perfect. Now, wait before we get in two hour our messy key key. We have some messy mandates, all right, so things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared have the right to evolve, shift or change today, tomorrow, ten years from now. And if during the key key something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word blues ball, which gives us a chance to pause and address or pivot accordingly.

Wow does that sound good? Yeah, that sounds great. I highly doubt any boundary will be pushed. I'm sure not.

You know, you and I know each other well, and I feel like we you know, we love each other. But if it happens, it happens, and it happens for y' all at home, you well you know this isn't live, but email me.

Also, we just talked about wholes so casually together.

It's so casual.

I forget how casual it is, and I'm always reminded when I just start talking about public and go, oh, I should give you a trigger warning.

I would like to talk about but holes. Now, all right, shall we start with a lube breaker?

Ooh yes, beautiful.

We're gonna play a game of smash or past.

So if you a prompt.

For those of you who don't know how this works, give you a prompt and you'll tell me if you'll smash it or you'll pass it. Yeah yeah, or pass on it. Okay, So smash or pass. Double penetration.

I was just on doctor Carlton's podcast this weekend in San Diego and we talked about double penetration. I've actually never tried it. I personally think pass.

Why tell me?

Because I am a scorpio and I just don't have time for two people. I every time I love that is the reason. Yeah, anytime I've ever had a three way before, I was like, oh, this was fine, but you know, it would have made it more fun if one of you wasn't here.

Yeah.

My husband is like that.

Yeah, I'm like, if one of you would just leave. Yeah.

He doesn't like groups. He likes a one on one situation.

I don't know, if it's like a power thing. Yeah, but that's the only reason that I think double penetration is something that I'm not What if.

Like one of them left after the double penetration, if they were actually now you're talking, they're just there for the double pen and then they were.

Yes, and if they loaded the dishwasher on the way out, like if they if they like did a small chore on their way out, you know, oh my god, that is my new qualifications for rinder hook ups.

Please do a small chore on your way could you impro the dice that is on your way out? Double penetrate me? And then do you like just windex the windows.

Whitch the tower, roll release small chores, small chores, and then we can double it.

We can make a list of small chores and it's like pick one and then you get to.

You know, I'm going to take your role and change my I'm gonna smash it now.

I love that.

I'm a smash nomolution the growth. I love it.

I Oh, I got double headed for the first time.

Was it a year ago?

Because it was the night of Beyonce's Renaissance concert, you know.

I real renaissance.

Yeah, I really think that it was my renaissance, absolutely, because I'd never had it happen. And I went to Beyonce's concert, so I really think that she had a hand on this.

Yeah, I went to the concert.

Week I got home, I was eating pizza, and then I was on grinder and then I got invited to like.

A little group situation that was like dope, why not?

They had also just come from Beyonce, and then somehow I got double Oh my god.

And just a reminder to everyone, you can eat pizza before you Yeah, it doesn't hurt your stomach, just do it. Just do it. And if it does hurt your on it, you can still you can still figure it out.

That's just do it. Honey Bee Nike.

Yeah, it was.

It was lovely.

It was unexpected. I was I remember them asking if I wanted it, and I was like, you know what, you know what exactly?

It was like you know what?

You know? See, That's why I'm like smasher pass. I'm like, I feel like if I were asked in the moment and I was feeling really good. And because if I go before I go to like a hookup or something, I always do the work to loosen myself up that I can really like trusts where I'm at, And if I were offered that, I'd be like, you know what, you know what? Actually? Why not?

Yeah?

I don't know.

I don't know if I do it. If I was, if I was told ahead of time, yeah, for me, real DP is like of the moment, the vibes are right, like, hey, do you wanna.

Do you want to come over and get deep? I'd be like, oh that sounds aggressive.

It's like that sounds as I kiss my whole first. You talk about that.

Smalls, that's true, Okay, smasher pass uh your sake.

Okay, pass for me, smash for everyone else? Got you love them on other people? Yeah? I could not, Like I don't know, it's I think it's because I'm half from Louisiana. I just can't you just see myself with that. I'm like, why a Louisiana? What was?

I don't know.

I think it'll just make me look like, oh got.

It, you're right right, so you know, okay, understand, understand.

So I feel like it would make also I have big nipples. I just don't I don't think it would.

Honestly, if big nipples would actually feel like it would make it an easier process. Nipples, and it took forevers.

We should trade.

We want to trade and cut them off right now?

Take them? Actually they're hard or welcome to the show. Wow?

I well, obviously I smashed noble piercings, but I have one.

I don't have to.

Somebody was like, what would you?

Somebody? You should like the asymmetry of it all? Really you like.

Wait, asymmetry that means one or the other both are symmetrical.

Would be you had one on both sides, and so asymmetry you have one on one and.

Want something new every day. I prefer the asymmetry as well.

It's like arm tattoos. On one side, I had arm tattooed.

Thank you so much. Listen. This is for the listeners. For me, it's Alex.

I know God, I would to go, but I have half of my like my my shoulder to my what is this called an elbow? And then on the other side, I have my forearm elbow to my uh.

To my.

I'm like girl, send me.

Back to school, girl, okay, smash or pass ballet dancer? Sex position? Do you know what that one is? Okay, so it's you're standing on one leg. Okay, well you're maybe you're on both legs, but your partner is standing on one leg and then you're sucking them and it's like a ball.

Absolutely smash fun fact. I used to so I used to fashion designer. I'm pretty sure you knew that, and I didn't know that. And when I was in fashion, my like dream job was to do ballet costumes. Okay, and even when I was working in fashion, I became a plates instructor only because ballet people, yeah, and I was I'm obsessed with ballet. I've been to so many and everyone's like, but no, Crooker, I'm like, there are other other things or other ballet. Yes, But I love I'm smashing that.

I love that I taught Bar your plate's instructor. I love plates.

I taught Bar.

I was the only one on staff that wasn't a dancer. I don't know how I scammed my way into that job, but it gives you such a good thought.

Oh my god, it does.

You don't never have to squat weights again. Either.

That's well, I will see. I desired a fatter ass, and so I've had to squat for it. Because some people are like just blessed and my my family was not blessed with ass, were blessed with lots of other things, you know, good hair, good nose, you know, but like like these beautiful big noses which I used to not like growing up. But I sess my big ass nose. But asses were not big, they were not big.

But now uh, now that's how I found this place.

Now, Yes, okay, well baby, you won congratulation. Nobody ever went you win my unconditional love. Not everyone gets that you have that win.

I appreciate that.

All right, y'all. If you have prompts for a smasher pass or there's another lue breaker idea, you can email us it. Tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, Alex, can you tell me something messy?

Oh my god. So I've been thinking about this deeply. I got double. I have been thinking about this deeply. So something I've been talking about on my channel recently is like messes. I meant to say recently, I talked about messes in the bedroom all the time. Yeah, And someone asked me how I started douching, because actually didn't start douching until I was like twenty two. I had bottomed for five years at that point, before I started ducing.

I had a douched in college at all.

Yeah, and I'm actually working towards going back to not ohkay as much as possible. So I wrote like a small short story about this recently for myself. And it was the first time a guy shamed me in the bedroom over a mess that wasn't that didn't even happen, and while he was quite literally fucking me, he told me he could feel poop in my rectum while we

What did you in the moment.

In the moment, he says that, and then what what was your respect?

So I am aggressively confrontational. So I pretty much told him he was an asshole and to get out of my house. We're good for you. And it was really unfortunate in the time. I unfortunately refoked him again like a week later. So you know, we are young and dumb. Yeah, and so I was like, you know what, I'm going to show him again. But in the moment, I was like, pull out and get the fuck out of my yes, and do a small chore on your way.

And please do a small couple. Actually you have to do a couple.

Yeah. But I've been sharing that story more with people to be like, hey, I think a lot of people because I run the bombs, I just think I have this like perfect, squeaky clean sex life. Yeah, And I'm like.

No, I in fact, that's why you run it, because it's like to normalize the fact that it is mess.

And even the other day I think, another little cute, messy thing that happened is I do it with my small bulb now, the one that I came out with. Yeah, I have been for years and my husband and I were having sex and it was just a little messy, and he was like, let's go fuck in the shower, and I was like, this is my favorite, Yes, this is the best, like and no one cares at that point, especially you just rent off there. Yeah, and that was quite literally a little messy.

I will say this what I've uh and this is my evolution because I think that and there's still pieces of it that I need to unpack, but I have learned inside of love or when I like, when I've connected to somebody emotionally, I find that I no longer

And it is what it is.

It's like we're adults, like we're going on. It's like we're adults have doing adult things. Yeah, yeah, it's like absolutely, I think we did that.

Actually is because I came became verse, so I used to just be strictly a bottom, and so there is that perfection element that you're striving for, which is to have the spe clean hole. And then when I started topping,

I also just loved learning more and more throughout life, like reflecting on that to be like if you were fucking someone and you can quote unquote feel poop in their ass with your penis, First off, you can't, yeah, Second off, the whoever's bottoming, that would hurt really bad, Like really that would not feel good because you're I mean, like you have to explain physics to people sometimes, like you know, there would be pressure in ape basically and

Like, as long we can communicate, we're good.

Yeah. I'm like, I'm so into side stuff lately too. Oh yes, I'm always like I talk about hemorrhoids all the time on my channel, And I'm like, if you have a hemorrhoid right now, that is the perfect time to practice. Your husband just rubbing up on you and like dry humping and coming on your back. That's fry humping is fun.

Like I think we underestimate the funy humping.

I'm just jerking off, jerking off his eyes. It's iconic.

It's little finger in little tap tap teeth.

Have you ever licked a man from his toe to his forehead? You're not living his toe to his forehead and then stopping on the dick for a second, like hitting the whole runway and then stopping for a birth.

I have not.

That's why I'm saying we're all too busy bottle that tonight. We need to mix it up.

From your toe to your forehead. I love.

I love looking at my husband like all over. I'm just like, let me, especially when you need to give your jawbreak or something. It's like, might as will worship this leg? Like that's so intimate.

I love it.

Okay, beautiful, beautiful, Oh okay, it is time for messy mail. Beautiful all right. So, as always, your submissions remain anonymous. One of your submissions will be my messy pick for a messy key key, which is a more in depth convo with Alix.

Are you ready for this?

Oh? Absolutely beautiful.

Well the first one says, finally got to eat and be eaten with the love of my life after three years of being patient.

Wow, that's a lot of patience.

It's three years too long to wait to get eat now.

I mean, I guess we can't be like shamefuloring.

I'm not gonna shame judge, which I know you have questions.

You're like the Queen of not shame, the queen of Queen of no shame. Yeah, for real, But three years to me, it depends like I obviously we don't know this person, and I wish we would have gotten more details. Yes, to be like, did you ask for it a lot? O? Yeah, because that would be such a problem for me if I was asking for it a lot?

Yeah.

But hell yeah, I hope it was great because some people you and I have talked about this a lot together that a lot of people really don't know how to eat.

You know, in the first episode of Yeah, the term of the first episode of this show, I go into detail how to eat s tt ss.

So if you don't know what we're talking about. Go back to episode one.

I've even shouted you out and made a carousel of like some of your tips. Oh you did. I don't know that. I tagged you and and everything.

I listen.

I like, I'm not an I do not know what symmetry is or how to spell it.

But I can eat that symmetrically or asymmetric. I don't know, but I'm eating it.

Got it, I'll do that, Okay.

I mean, like, also, you better catch up on like the lost time. Yeah, a lot to practice.

Now, you got it?

I Well, one, first of all, congratulations tread, and that's exciting. I hope that it's really great and that it gets better. I will say for me three I don't know the details, but three years would be.

Too long for me personally.

But in the context of this relationship, it seems like it worked out and I'm happy that there was a happy Yeah yeah, literally unintended.

Okay.

This one says my partner puts their glasses on before anal as if this will help their dick fine and fit into my ass.

That is hot to me putting on their glasses.

I think, like, because I'm like a clerk can't superman situation like that?

That sounds hot to me.

Yeah, I also love that you can see.

Yeah, I want you to see.

I want you to be able to see.

Maybe that's what I want to see that I need to literally see where I Yeah, he's like trying to poke it in the wholes.

That's fair, that's fair.

But I feel also he wants to be able to enjoy because there's nothing that I love more than fucking somebody on all fours. Because I just love watching the ass bounce back.

It's like, and you need your glasses something you need to see that. Okay, I agree though deputing on the glasses Clark energy, Yeah, don't.

Take them off, keep them on.

I love shout out to all the nerds.

I love a nerd.

I have a weakness. My husband is a self proclaimed nerd.

I have a weakness.

Put on those glasses, give me some suspenders and.

We're fucking yeah, and lead the suspenders on, lead some baby somehow.

Controversial but like me and Steve Rkle would get down controversial.

But like we really would.

It was so fucking I had such a question.

Now, would we have adult braces or no adult braces? On for Hey, work it out.

If that's I have no problem with the adult braces.

One of the best hookups IVE ever had was with someone with adult braces.

I feel like, if you have adult braces, you understand what's going on with you.

Ate your tongue.

Okay, you know what that mouth is doing. So actually, yeah, adult braces for sure. I'm into it.

We're gonna get some interesting fan mail for the next month.

Slide into the.

Oh my god, yes, instead of sending me your dog strap, send me your used in visil line.

Thank you.

This one says, oh, not me, but I saw a dude in a back room just raw dogging the floor barefoot while fucking. Now this included this because I just thought it was so beautifully constructed. Yes, and it confused me at first because I said, wait, they were raw dogging the floor, but they mean that they were barefoot and fucking, which I love a barefoot fucking. What really gets me is that it's in a back room and there are no details.

About what that.

I know, what room is it? Like? Is it Denny's?

Like?

What?

Like?

What is the broom?

Is it? Is it a Kroger?

Yeah?

What did you do when you.

Saw it or was it like a sexpart And I feel like you would say dark rooms, so it was it must I just saw a dude also to like to Sorry, but Timmy be fucking in the back room of let's say it took Kroger's barefoot sound psychotic.

I think the city would have a problem. Hey, for sure, please get away from my produce. First city would have a problem like that. Go off, I mean, go off.

I want you to have your pleasure, but but please do it away from my produce. But also I'm not really trusting the floors of a backroom in a restaurant.

Yeah. I was actually gonna say for this one specifically, I would personally not want to raw dog the floor.

No, my shoes would be on.

My shoes would be absolutely on my my rubber birkinstock specifically get that proof grib you can hose them. Yeah, yes, something that.

I don't care too much about.

Yes, and they're like a quarter of the price.

Love that so love that we're saving some points. Yeah, please sponsor the shoes to fucking Bergunstick. Yeah, rubber, this is my messy pick you ready? This says I'm about to try anal for the first time with my boyfriend.

Tips needed, please, I could use.

A one on one on how to better prepare for it, Like I've heard you talk about things like fiber intake, and I was hoping you could do like a full tutorial on anal prep best practices.

Douche so obviously, Okay, so funny enough, I just said the third part logistics. I like love logistics, especially with bottoming. I think that there's a really phenomenal order to follow that makes things just quite literally slip in or wait.

But first of all, how did you because you run this platform called Bottom's Eye just that I love, and you give so many wonderful tips, and I think you make talking about bottoming specifically just like normal up because it is normal, which is, you know, liberating and exciting and fun. And also, so what's the word I'm looking for?

Interesting?

Like literally like just like, how does your body work truly in this in this space? So what inspired you to start.

At the bottom side? Jest? Yeah, So it was a couple of things. I was working in reproductive rights for years when I thought of the bottom side jests. I was like, in I think my fourth year in repro repros short for reproductive rights. I used to work for a political organization that endorsed pro choice candidates down ballot across the country. Yeah, and I got really involved in school board races, and I just thought they were so fascinating and you really learned that a school board is

And you're a genius.

Yeah, okay, well I think, but I would like cook stuff and like share like sexual health tips while cooking them. But also I did start the bomb side just as a platform to combat starving as well, starving before bottom. Yeah, so that's why we especially hit on food. But the more and more we kept sharing sexual health and the bigger our platform got, I got a lot more liberated to share it directly and just be more upfront and

Yeah.

A lot of us, even when we love what we do, have really stressful days, and a lot of that stress is carried in your body, and it's it's somewhere, and it's usually in your own Yeah. Absolutely.

I went to school for acting and I'll never forget. You know, in acting, they do acting school, they do weird hit. Yeah McGraw, you pretend you're the color of green. But I did have a teacher when we were working on breathing. He would always say, breathe into your asshole. Yeah, literally, And it's like, oh yeah, when you start doing that, you're quite you realize you're quite tight, and then you're actually holding a lot of tension that you never think about exactly.

And when I thought about it, I was like, you know what, I have been bottoming very successfully since I was seventeen, and I have so many great holistic health tips sure that are not this toxic bullshit we see everywhere all the time, like which is like starving yourself, starving yourself all day. I've seen things about like putting a big penis up your ass and then pulling off of it and then putting it back in to loosen up.

Yes you're yes, you're not. You can't have as much fun as you want, your your mood is off.

Just think about what you're gonna eat as soon as you're.

That would be absolutely always thinking about my pizza.

I'd like, there's.

I'm already ordering the food.

But let's do this.

How about we start from the beginning because it does sound like the the or I know this is true that bottoming starts before you even put that douche in your ass, right for real, So we're talking about what's happening in the kitchen.

We're talking about fiber.

So what are kind of those those pre even before you have found your grinder hook up, like even before you beginning the douche, Like, what are the things that people need to be thinking.

Yeah, so we have changed how we do food on the bomb side just majorly. We actually talk about trigger foods and the nuance around food more than anything.

So, and trigger foods means like the things that make you.

You specifically uncomfortable. So so like for me eating a piece of pizza before getting double penetrate, would not would not have a food because it has nothing to do with messes. It has everything to do with if I'm gonna be on my stomach getting railed, my stomach hurts, yeah, comfortable, so I'm not present and I'm not enjoying what's happening. Yes, so avoiding trigger foods is a much better strategy than

Where do you get viber?

Fras, it's fruits, plants, a plant based anything is going to have fiber for the most part. Whole we fruits, vegetables, rice beans, like everything.

You have your favorite supplement as well, I.

Celium, hustcowder. Okay, it's so cheap. I am very anti proprietary blend fiber powders because proprietary blend come.

I don't hear saying all these big words enzymes, asymmetrical, and now proprietary.

Blendah, I am sorry, oh my god. So proprietary blend is a blend of that. A proprietary is a proprietor is an entrepreneur basically, so they basically make a formula that they don't have to share what the breakdown of it is. So they just tell you the ingredients, but they don't say how much of each ingredient it is. So a lot of proprietary blends will start with celium hust which means it's the main ingredient.

Yeah.

So and when you talk to gi doctors, they all just recommend celium husk. And then when you look to Southeast Asia, they've been using celium husk as a dietary supplement for centuries, if not thousands of years, because a lot of celium husk comes from India. So it's like it's so cheap. You can get bags of it, you mix it with water, and you just slam it. For men, it's like thirty to thirty five grams of fiber a day.

Supplement lovely, Oh sounds lovely.

And I'll have fiber supplement with that, so that when it's time to pass it through, it's easier. It's something held it together so that if I have to do sure, I'm feeling spontaneous, I want to get fucked. That's the real strategy of fiber and a diet.

So we got the fiber.

We got fiber on lockdown, and it's different for all eight billion of us.

You got it so like, figure out your your fiber, figure out your trigger foods.

Yeah, I know vegans that don't need fiber supplements because they get hella fiber out their whole day. They don't need it. So the next thing is your bow regularity, Like how often you go, knowing when you go, that's really key. A lot of people go first thing in the morning. Yes, and if you go twice and so you should. It's great that you know that because usually after that your rectum is empty. Usually it is your rectum is empty after you have a bowel movement, And.

Is that the best time to get fucked?

That's the best time to give us.

Wow, It's like you don't least sexy.

But store but it's all day. You don't store poop in your rectum. You store it in your sigmore colon around the rector sigamore junction, which we can throw a cutet graphic.

Wow.

So once you have a bowel movement, your rectum's empty. So that's the next part is bow regularity. That's why starving yourself and all that is bullshit, because you're never going to be in tune with your bow regularity. It's better to do the long term thing that's healthy. But then that's.

Where say that again. It's better to do the long term thing that is healthy.

Okay, homos, goddamn everybody.

People, they all yes.

So stop. The next thing is stretching, and to me, this is the most important part. Everyone skips the first thing. You have some fingers. You might not have all your fingers, but if you have one, start using that and once just literally insert your pinky first and just breathe deeply and feel your anus loop her up with silicon. Love always tons. You cannot have enough. There's no such thing as enough. Put a pinky in and just let it

Oh god God, I'm usually country skl and I just can't believe how you're making that fail. I used to talk like this till I was like fifteen, by the way, But you push your finger up latterly at three o'clock or north. It can be northeast, southwest, three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock, twelve o'clock. But you hold it at three o'clock, you breathe for thirty seconds.

You move over to six o'clock, you breathe for thirty seconds, You move down, down, and you keep going around and around. You can reverse your clock. But that's how you start to open your sphincters. Because a lot of people they'll be like, oh, it took years for bottoming to not hurt, and a bottoming is actually not supposed to be painful at all. If it hurts at all, you're most likely not opening your sphincters. Your internal and externals.

Which we actually learned from doctor Evan Goldsen who was here, is that some people's holes are.

Just actually yeah, tighter.

Yeah, So there was some of that as well, but stretching.

Is Stretching is key, and if you're one of those people that does have just a tighter hole. Doctor Carlton I actually just interviewed to him this last weekend on this look at us interviewing these bow docks. We got to make them a little more entertaining. I'm not gonna lie. They know that too though, but they're just so medical. Yeah, I'll be over here like a dumb whore and just be like, so, you gotta least in your hull. You got to push it at normal interpret And they're over

What is that?

It's botox for your whole.

Oh right, we're okay, we're talking about antal bowtox started and helped.

It really helps really relax the muscles in the area. So but that's like a last of people that are actually that tight.

So we're doing fingers. We can graduate to butt plugs, we can graduates.

It's always best to start small and work your way up.

Absolutely.

I don't got fifteen years, and I always still start with the smallest bu Yeah, because what if I'm having.

A stressful day.

Absolutely, I always start with my smaller dil do. Yeah, and then I if I want to exactly up that I can, but like the comfortable one, like the thing that you're like, oh, I know that I can do this, and then if.

We're getting really groovy, which I love doing this. I love prosse simulators. I think they're really great for getting water out of your rectum too, because of that like

I love that. Let's talk about doucheing it.

Oh my god, because this is my ring, this is the this is the piu.

I don't know what that means, but it is. It's French as sounded nice.

Yeah, it is the it's the it's what we're the climax, the climax of it all.

Yeah. The thing that kills people when I tell them this is you don't have to dosh, especially when it's like a preference. For sure. I've been experimenting because I've been with my partner from US ten years. I've been experimenting with not douching versus douching a lot more because you can do the dipstick method.

Which is just what is the dipstick method.

It's just taking a toy, like we talked about, after you've done the work to loosen up, inserting a toy and pulling it out and seeing how clean it comes out. Because if it comes out clean, a big toy especially, you don't need to douche. Oh wow, Like your rectum is empty, like again when that's why I teach so much anatomy now, because you don't store poop in the rectum, you store it in the sigmoy colin. So there's no reason to douche if your rectum is empty and your

I used to not douche when I was in my twenties. I mean, like we were by it does change. No one was talking about douche it when I was in college, like we weren't.

We just weren't having that conversation.

Because you know, here is the same age I think, and I don't think like anyone was talking about any no.

No, no, for sure not.

We were just you know, I just like knew my body and so I didn't have I don't remember having a lot of accidents in my twenties. But what I did notice, and this is why I started douchh it, is that like when I would get fucked, I found the after care to be much harder if I had a douche. Like when I douche, aftercare is like I'm can do whatever. But it was the after care of not douching that made it like harder to push out air and like.

I would feel. But anyways, let's talk about douching itself.

Yeah, so I I came out with my own douche called the better bottoming Bulb. It's a small bulb because I had heard and worked with so many GI doctors that recommended small bulbs. Yeah, and there just like aren't any.

Everything's kind of sizeable. You're not supposed to fill the whole thing.

And you're not supposed to and and I've told people, I'm like, I'm pretty transparent, Like you don't have to buy my bulb if you're going to keep the huge one that you have that toxic as giant black bulbs that we've all seen, which I hate.

I hate it because also like the opening for the water is so fucking chiny.

So and it shoots out on the side too, which can be.

Which I so I just try your bull but I use do du because that one has a wide top and it's not a lot of air. But my friend, can I tell you how I was sought to douche and then you can correct me? Great, So this is how I was sought to douche, which is my best friend one of them, because I have several of them, and I don't want you.

To assume which one.

One of them was, Like, oh, so you you start with a little bit of water, put that in and then see what comes out, because it's like it's already like kind of ready to come out. And then I do, like a full bulb of water, hold a little bit come out, and then I'm just kind of like repeating little bits of water until I'm fully clean. For me, it usually takes about an hour, like on a good there are rare times where it takes a little longer. If it takes any longer, then I don't like saying

Other things are happening.

I'm putting on.

I always have positions Deluxe on. That's my douching album. Hey, alrid Aronde, come on the show. Let me tell you this to your face.

And that's that's how I that's how I learned to douche. And then.

So you're trying to get the water clear, I always know that there's a false clear.

That's going to happen where it's like, oh, there's nothing.

There, So I like continue for like two more times and then yeah, inevitably more comes out. And then once I'm clear, I'm clear. When I know that I'm pussy. What I call pussy is that like there's I know, like a mucus that comes out, and that's like, oh, y'all could do whatever you want to sell and I'm good.

Now now fix it. Yeah, I know the mucus. So the thing about that is like when it comes out clear, it's actually usually clear, really Yeah. And when you're using big bulbs, even Dud's tip is a little long, yeah, and their bulb itself is kind of big. I've even told people with the do douche, I'm like, have you ever like just tried using half the tip and half the water, because when you're cleaning out the rectum. Yes, the last thing I'm.

Interesting not putting because I don't put the whole tip up.

But okay, that's what people do. Some people do a lot of people don't know. And the problem with that method is and again, this is everything I've learned from GI doctors. I'm not a doctor. I've all the medical stuff. I know.

Yeah, we're for sure, we're and this was this is.

The problem with that is when you shoot water too far, you're going past the recto sigamore junction into the sigmoi colon and disturbing all that storage poop. Yeah, didn't need to be messed with at all, And you can really throw off your body's bow regularity over time doing that. You can become douche in dependent by dumping water in your signmoy colon too often. So the small bulbs or

Snake and it's just not there. If anything, it can like even like a thirteen inch dick, even.

A thirteen inch sick. I was just I talked to doctor Carlton about that this week. We both were laughing at like, dicks are not drained snakes love that and most of the time a penis looks like it's going all the way.

Oh that's a great name for it. The drinks, give me that drink snake, this is ready for returns. Yeah, so with that snake, okay, go ahead.

So you like funny enough, when you clean out and you're like, I'm gonna do it two more times and stuff does come out, that actually usually means you've disturbed that area. Oh that's why, and like you really know you fucked up. If dirty water is coming out with no solids in it, just over and over again, really means you went too far and disturbed a part of your body that like, oh, interesting when that's when douching's really going to take a long time.

And well, then that means I'm always clean at like thirty minutes, yeah for me, because that clear water comes out and I'm like, nah, I don't trust you.

Yeah, so I go back to her.

Yeah, and then more comes out and I've definitely had the Wow, let's get into it. I've only had the dirty water solids. And then you just keep going in and eventually, yeah, I get to that pussy mucus.

Yeah, and the mucus lining that can be also pretty like you want to be careful with that because that mucus lining is really helps keep it ironically keeps your rectum clean because that's what it's there for. It's to help pull waste out. Yeah, and when you're stripping that it makes you more susceptible to animal fishers tears him round, So you want to be super careful with that. But you know your body the best. Also, you've been doing

Okay, I'm well one, I'm gonna get your small boat because I have I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna be the guinea pig, and I'm gonna report back and tell y'all out went. But okay, that makes sense. Okay, So then the booty hull is clear, the water is clear.

Honey, it's pussy were ready?

Yeah, I love that.

So it's our favorite. It's like I'm going to get dick. It's I'm gonna get that drained.

Snake and that's.

Gonna be fabulous. So then what happened? What do you do next?

So this is where I like to make sure I'm still stretched out. Okay, So after douching, you definite want to give yourself like thirty minutes afterwards.

Yeah, don't do and then go get fuck.

Yeah that's a missettle. Yeah, big mistake because yeah, like you may have shot water too far and you want that water to come back.

Out with the air to come out all that.

Yeah, yeah, because and again like fuck embarrassment that hurts, getting sucked with air and you that hurts. I find it to be wicked paint.

I've heard that if.

You lay and it's helped me, Like if you feel too much air or like your stomach isn't comfortable, if you lay in fetal position, it'll help.

Yeah. Past sometimes I do like happy baby, grab my feet and just do some deep breath being a.

Bottom of that.

It's athletic, Yeah, it's athletic. Joints healthy, so I love to like make sure I'm still lose wait thirty minutes, and sometimes depending on the package jump taking, I might take like one of those lube quarters and squirt some lube up in myself glove squirtter. They look like syringes, but they're very cozy plastic, and you just squirt lube up there and can put lube in them.

And that's why your ship is already like gushy a little bit.

You can put a little lube deeper.

Because sometimes I'll go over to a boy and they'll be like, just pop it, and they're like, I'm like, why is it so wet?

And you're already they got that.

Quarter where you get that from Amazon Amazon, like six dollars or something.

Wow, So you can do that. That's not always ness there. I've been with my partner a long time, so he knows that I need like fifteen squorts of doing. But then I still like to put a little lube on myself before anything happens, because even when my partner like might start rubbing his penis on my whole or something, I still want third to be something in case he didn't put anything on yet. So that nothing hurts. But I think that's pretty much the whole. That's the whole, that's the whole hole.

You can put it. So after you do, you can also like play with a toy a little bit.

Yeah, do the.

Thing and then that's it. Then you fuck and then what happens. This is where I think that we really need to swop.

What is the aftercare? I love aftercare. My very first YouTube video, which is very popular, was about aftercare. Yeah, because I started the video being like, we always talk about doucheing and prep and all this stuff. We don't ever talk about after care recovery because some of us want to fuck multiple times a week. Come on, and you can if you're not taking care of it multiple times a day. Yes, My favorite it tip for aftercare

Like, put that vitamin E on it. I have vitamin E. I get it from Trader DROs World cheap, and then I put a little bit of tree oil.

Yeah, I was just about to say vitamin oil. So I always recommend a bath first, pain warm but dozz. If you don't have that, you can buy a SIDS bath that goes on top of your toilet, okay, just to give like your whole a little soak because warm water helps with inflammation. Wicked.

Well, like that's luxurious or ale.

Yeah, a SIDS bath.

We're gonna have to put all this in the show.

Yeah, sits baths are really cheap. They're at CBS Walmart rains. So for people that only have stand up showers or something, those are iconic. You don't even need EPs salt, just warm water so much. And then after I dry off that when I do the bottomin oil, I use uber lube, which has vitamin oil.

Oh beautiful.

Yeah, so I'll just rub some more uber lube on there and the vitamin oil is next level ship that is like top to your tip. And if you're feeling really good an hour later, after the oil has soaked in, you can take a little aquafor to lock in the moisture. Yes, that's correct.

I'm just saying aquafor a sponsor Asper.

That's incredible.

That makes so much sense.

Yeah, so aquafor is. I learned this from a drmatologist who I was putting aquafor in my eyes.

Yeah a long time and go ahead.

And they were like, oh, you need to be putting deep moisturizer on and then aquafor because they were like, aquafor just seals it in. It doesn't it doesn't actually moisture. So learning that, I was like, oh, this is amazing. So after you'd let the bodymin oil, which is a moisturizer soak in, you can lock it in. Just don't don't use too much. A lot of people use so much stuff, and yeah, and your area, you don't. You don't want your anal area to be super wet all everything.

In there little like it's on the outside and a little bit of the inside.

Yeah. Right, And it doesn't. And if you really were like getting your fucking face shut and you're like ibuprofen, okay, anti implement and anti inflammatories, sure, because that area is inflamed now, so you might as well bring the inflammation down. And I go out and like the hydration.

Okay, so hydration is yeah, and then I can't recommend your favorite food enough.

I think.

I think if you've said you've been taking dick in the ass, you deserve whatever you want to be after.

It, and it doesn't hurt to have it on their dime, A chore and a post. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, I actually thought. I thought I offered this up as advice recently for a hookup. I was like, it doesn't hurt if to pay half your hookups uber to get them out of your house too, Like if you're wanting them to leave or something, it's so polite to pay for half a paper.

How is that coming up?

Wait?

Wait, wait, wait wait, so this is absolutely it's aftercare.

I'm a scorpio. I don't really do with you.

So humans you've come, they've come, We've had a little conversation, and then you're saying.

Hey, hey, I'm not really a cuddler, so I'm if you're gonna head out. I mean, I would be very polite about it, but I think it is such a next level move to be like, hey, if you're gonna like call a car or something, I'll like vemo you half your car home or something like I'll split this.

I think that's like, you're such a southern girl. I think that's wow, you're such a sweet Southern girl.

I told someone that recently and they did it and they were like, we keep fucking ah. I love that. It's like you can be a massive whore, yes and be polite.

Manners manners yeah, like I mean it's so polite, especially.

After not having manners for an hour. Come like you might as well being I think it's really like I think that just separates you from stuff.

Absolutely just be like, you know, because.

So many people I don't want to stay the night. So yeah, no, I'm calling a car. I would be like, I'm sucking your dick one more time if you offered to pay half my car. Absolutely like I'm doing it. We're calling the car in thirty minutes.

Wow.

See.

The best I do is I always have uh there's always water for you, like already have.

That laid out for you. And that's as much as you know.

I think the aftercare is I but like the food.

I'll get you cookies and I order cookies myself. You're also gonna have.

Cookies to you know.

I have lollipops. I love a lollipop for an aftercare moment.

I'm telling you, I love Popeyes.

Oh my goodness, I'm telling you fried chicken.

I doesn't have to be Popeyes. I just want fried chicken a lot of times.

Yeah, if you've done all of that prep that we just talked to that fiber, we avoided your trigger foods, right we we started, uh, we started stretching a hole with the clock, okay, and then we started douching with the little bowl, and then we did more toys, and we did it in the curve of the direction of their dick. Right then we took that dick and now we had, you know, a little vitamin et oil.

Eat the fried chicken, bitch, Get the fried chicken. You deserve chicken and deep chick chicken.

Now the chicken gets deep throated. I love that.

I really am glad that you mentioned food though, because that is so like I feel like you feel so completed. Yes, after that, it's the.

Complete cycle of bottom. What is the what are you going to eat?

It's just like, because you did all that cardio, you gottu that was cardio baby, Get you some water on.

Some fried chicken.

You got to deplete your carb.

On or something. Whoever the science get the enzymes back up. Okay, Well, Alex, thank you so much for here.

Thank you, thank you so much. It was the best for realm.

So we got to do this.

We're going to talk for five more. A girl, I'm gonna go get DP down.

Yes, please, my baby.

Oh my goodness.

You know we are host here, but we are also a host with heart, So let me speak to yours before we get out of here. Let me speak to your beautiful heart. Well, first of all, I'm so obsessed that Alex and I our jobs are to talk about buttholes and douching and and anal sex. It's just it's you know, for my for my little queer baby self, who felt a lot of shame around my queerness, around queer sex, around my butthole, around bottoming especially.

We don't talk about this, but like bottoming.

Was totally uh not cool at all. Like we've started to get into bottom positivity, but bottom shaming has been what I grew up in, you know, like the conversations of you know, who's the girl or who's and who's the boy in the relationship, and like it's okay if you're gay, but not if you're the one taking the dick. Is you know that that's the stuff that I grew up in. I know a lot of you listening have

To your heart.

I say that as always. I mean, this is kind of the thing I'll say every week. Your sex matters, you know, and figuring out how to do it and figuring out how your body work inside of it matters, and so take the time to figure it out. Yes, there are a lot of steps, but then they become very easy and they don't feel like a lot of steps.

So I hope that.

This conversation inspires you to whether it's anal sex or vaginal sex, or whether it's you know, oral sex or penetrative sex, or whatever whatever it is, whether it's no sex at all, whatever it is, I hope that this encourages you to learn about your body and what feels good and how to optimize it and get the I want to say, the most bang for your buck.

What is that? How old am I that's it. Anyways, that's all I got for you.

I love you so much, and don't forget we're trying to get to those one hundred and fifty ratings and reviews before the end of the month. Okay, So I helped Messy mom out give us a five star, write a little review like, hey, i'd up the show.

Show was great. It don't have to be long.

Okay.

You can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcasts at tell Me Something Messy, and you can join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also, I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell

I love you bye.

Thank you so much for listening to Tell Me Something Messy. If you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly. Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows