To decide which thing is more more bearable, more difficult, whatever, and you have to just you know, make that decision.
And there's always gonna be something.
But that's I mean, that's also every relationship.
There's always gonna be something about.
Like I judge you, yeah, you judge my white husband, I judge you, yeah.
Yeah, There's always gonna be something. You know what. This is a safe space to talk about relationships, love and sex. Now, let me tell you something messy. I have a messy story for you, which is that I tried trimex. Okay, if you don't know what that is, Uh, it's basically a prescription medication used to treat a rectile disfunction. And it is you know, like like there's viagra and all those things that you kind of take by pill, but Trimex is an injection. It's an injection into the penis,
directly into the penis. Now, I don't have ed, but sometimes I participate in activities, one of which is with a friend let's call her Molly. And so if we'll call her Mo for sut so, like, if me and Mo be hanging out a little bit, it's possible that my penis who we shall name Bertha what Okay, No, we're gonna name her Bertha. Stick with it. That's what I came about, Bertha. If Bertha's not working, we because
of mo. We we need we need a little VIAGRAA we need little something something to support because you know, we're still trying to do things anyway. So here's a habit. I went out, went out to a party, had a great time, ran into a friend, a friend who you know sometimes we uh we play together. He had like two friends and he was about to leave and they're about to go back to his place, have a little a little place session, little hangout, a little dept fund.
They were like, you want to come? I was like, yeah, right, let's go. Let's let's do it right. So I show up or you know, it's always a good time with this particular friend and uh he you know, and getting ready for you know, all the things are about to happen. Offered trimex. So I've heard a trimex. Obviously, if you know you're gay. In the sex party spaces, you gonna hear about trimex at some point, because you know, people want to make they want to last, they want to fuck.
But the only times that I've seen a dick that has used a tri mix. It concerned me because the dicks looked, how do I say this a little too marish? What I mean by that, it's like very Gray's anatomy. It looks like something that doctor Christina Yang should be looking at, not me, you know what I'm saying. And so like the first time I saw I remember I
went to this. I was at this little group orgy situation and the host walked in and his dick was hard as marble and we were commenting on it, and he was like, oh, yes, this Trimex and oh work, and I was like, what's that? And then when he was like explaining, it's, you know, the thing that you inject into your dick and then it makes it hard,
and people were asking questions about it. And as the room was asking questions, I was just staring at his dick because it looked like a snake had swallowed its prey and it was like still digesting. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you have the visual? You have the visual? The second time I saw a dick with Trimex,
I was in London. This was last year, and same thing, Like the guy was like, oh, do you need because that was different because I went over to he up with a couple and one of the couple members did not look like his photos and so I was just like, stand of that, and my dick was not getting hard, and he understood. So he was like, do I want trimex? And I was looking at his dick hard as a brick, but also looking a little Gray's anatomy light. You know what I'm saying, just like you need to get that
checked out. And I say, sir, no, no, sir no, no, No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. So I've always been like I I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna just stick to to my my my pills. Also, I don't I haven't let those folks fuck me because I always felt like it was gonna it's gonna it was gonna open my hole in like a oh my god, what
is this show? But I have to say if it's gonna open my whole in like a geometrically advanced way, like you know, I got like a little circle and it just looked like it's about to turn into a hexagon. You know what I'm saying. An octagon. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. It's just like it's just like that is I don't anyways, So I've
been against it. But here I am at this gathering, this you know, recent gathering with my friend and his two friends and you know mo is well, I've had some MO. My friend has had some MO as well. Second friend, you know, his dick wasn't working, and so they were like, Okay, we're gonna take this tri mix and they were like, do you want? I was like, no, but I do want to see what how y'all do it because I'm curious. So I do want to watch as you administer said try mix, but no, I'm not
going to take it. And the third friend was also like no, no, we we we we want to watch. So it was actually really cute and really wholesome. Here we are all like naked in the kitchen. My friend pulls out the vials and the needles, and my friend is one of those friends that is very very like health conscious, does everything above boards, all fresh needles, all everything's cleaned down, alcohol swaps, all the things. Like it's like, if we're gonna do something, we're gonna do it properly.
So we're sitting there and lo and behold. They take a little vial, they put the little needle in, get the try and mix. They pull out, and then baby, I watch them prick themselves with that needle right into their dick. They said, you have to make sure it gets through. I can't remember the scradle we have to get. You have to do it in a way that gets through the chamber. Was the the US. I don't know. Moe was really working my brain out at that point. It was about to work my brain out that point.
But so they said like, uh, like it has to give it the chamber or something like that. So it's like, oh okay, So they put it me and the third firm were like, oh, listen, a needle is already for my needle. Girls who are or who are squeamish around the needles, needles are already gonna be a squeamish. You know. You put the needle in my arm, that's already gonna be a squeamish. You said, put the needle in the dick.
I guess this was better though, because I always imagine I don't know why I imagine this but I always imagine that it was administered like through the head, which sounds terrible because you imagine a needle. Oh, I don't imagine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, take it back, I take it back. Don't imagine it. But it's the side, the fleshy part. So it was a little less scary. So they they pricked it and baby low and behold. In a matter of seconds, a matter of seconds, that dick, them dicks
were up awake at attention. It was like a jack in the box. This dick is hard, honey. And so then so now we got these two hard ass dicks and they look at us and they go, you sure you don't want it? It was like, nah, now we go. We go, and they're like, well you'll be you know, the beneficiaries of the trimex and baby, yes, I was benefiting. I was certainly benefiting. But then you know, Mo really started, you know, to to to take a hole. And when
Mo takes a hole, you just be feeling. If you haven't, if you've not danced with Molly before, she will have you feeling uh, euphoric and sexy and like touching feels beautiful and skin feels good and sex is just a different level. But some of the side effects of MO can be that your dick won't work. So I had already taken my little dick pill because I was like, I'm not doing the injection. I'm gonna take mod dick pill and this you know it'll be it'll be fine.
And most of the time that happens, but there are occasions where I can still take a dick pill and that MO is just too strong. Uh, And so I can have all the feelings, but you know, Bertha is asleep. She ain't waken up. So we were doing things and I was having fun, and then I was like, I really want to top, so I said, So I got off and I said to my friend, come on, let me let's let's let's do this tri mix. Why not? Here we are now, I think that was MO talking like.
I don't think that Brandon in my like sober state would have said let's do it. I think I would have been like, absolutely not. But Moe was feeling confident, and that's why you have to be careful. Okay, be careful. Because Moe was feeling confident, and so my frien was like, bet, let's do it. So we went to the kitchen, pulled out the vials, clean needles for the try mix. Be very clear this for the tri mix. Okay, I'm not I'm not a needle girl. The alcohol squad. Baby, he
put that thing in. It was it was actually not as painful as I thought. I wasn't actually painful at all, like a little pitch. It's like a like that, you know what I'm saying, Like you know, there there are there are more painful things to experience than this little prick. And so he put it in and then baby, a few seconds later, Bertha was. I mean, I don't know if I've ever experienced Bertha. She dangerous, is what I'm saying. Like like you could really knock an eye out with
how hard like I was. I've never felt it was. It was like like it was like the like if you slapped your phone down. You know what I'm saying. It was hard like that. It was. It was quite incredible. And I used her. I used her every which way I could. Okay, I ugh, ugh wow wait let me oh wow, I'm just remembering so so okay, So we had the fun. It's it's like, you know, fun of fun.
The night is nighting. So the third friend has to leave early because he has something in the morning, because at this point it is like four in the morning or five in the morning. Then the second friend has to leave it. So it's just me and my original friend, and we have great chemistry. So we're like, well, let's just keep you know, we got these try mixed dicks. Let's just keep fucking using it. And then it was like the sun came up, and you know, one of
those nights once the sun is up. Now some of y'all, I know, we'll keep going, y'all. I ran into a friend who is, like, I was saddening after his last week that lasted on until one pm the next day. Now, I said, no, wait a minute, I don't know that. God bless I can't do all that. But seven eight that's when I start to be That's when I start to question myself. You know, that's when when Moe decides to like fade a little bit. And now it's like
seven point thirty. The sun is up, the birds are chirping, people are getting ready for church, and I a sinner and push loads out. It's just you know what I'm saying, Like, you get to the point where're like, okay, like I gotta go. I gotta go. So I'm getting ready to go, but I'm like, oh, my dick is still hard, like my dick like Bertha was just it was comical. I was putting my shorts on and I couldn't and y'all
know my shorts, hoochie shorts. I couldn't fit her in there in a way that would be acceptable to step out into the sunlight and get my uber. So I was like, okay, so I've enagled it so that it would go down the thigh and I could cover it with my crossbody. But I was concerned because it was pulsing. At this point, it wasn't painful. My friend was like,
is it painful. It's like, no, it's not painful, because you know, if you have an erection for too long, like four hours or more, then that's when we got to deal with some medical things. And I was like, oh my god, the last thing I needed right now is to have to like have just danced with Molly, to have decided in the in the fog of her light, to have my dick injected with something to make it hard, and now it won't go down and now I gotta go to the doctor and I don't want that. That's
not the expirit Lord, it's Sunday. God be with me. Don't let that be my story. I can't be my story right now. So my friend is like, it'll go down, it should go down. Here's already gone down. And I was like, why is not mine? Why is my not going down? But whatever I called the uber and then I remember, oh, bitch, you also took a dick pill. So not only do I have the TRIMX in me, I got the dick pill in me. I do not
recommend this. I'm telling you right now. That's why I'm telling you my whole journeys, so you don't do the same thing. I was like, this thing might actually never go down. It's like, okay, it's fine, Brandon, Chill, chill, chill. We're gonna go home. We're gonna you know, I was gonna walk the dog because so I could sleep in because at this point in the morning. So I was like, I'm gonna walk the dog, I'm gonna feed the dog.
I'ma I'm then I'm gonna go to sleep and when I wake up, you know, Bertha will be we'll be asleep as well. Hopefully I have my time going At this point, she's been hard for two hours at this point, since since being administered, So I'm like, okay, cool, let me sit in an alarm. And I originally sitt an alarm for like two more hours, but I was like, no, no,
not by that point. It might be too late, like because I don't because I also don't know what happens since the dick is too hard for too long and I didn't look it up. Maybe I should look it up. But I was like, I don't know what happens, Like if the dick is too hard, will it fall off? Will it explode because there's so much blood rushing to the head. Will it like gets so hard that it then gets soft but never gets hard again? Like what like what happens when it's hard for too long? I
don't know, but you can imagine. At eight thirty in the morning, I have a lot of different scenarios playing in my head. I popped myself a little sleep edible and I was feeling the sleep coming and I was like, okay, I got someone was coming, and I was like, all right, I gotta got let me go to let me go to bed. I'm gonna have that alarm for like an hour and a half instead of two hours. If I wake up in an hour and a half and my dick is hard, I will deal with it then. But
for now, let me go get some sleep. Because mo has warmed me out. Okay, Moe's warm me out. Birth has warm me out. It's time to go to sleep. But everything, do you know that if your penis on you understand that, like sometimes when things be touched on the head of your dick, it still makes you hard.
So I had to like position myself because I sleep with the pillow between my thighs for my hips because I am of that age, and you know, I usually sleep in like my sweatpants, but I had to sleep in something looser so that my dick wasn't being constrained and didn't feel it was a whole thing. Listen, a whole thing. I'm too immature for this podcast. Anyways. I did wake up an hour and half later. My dick was soft, thankfully, so it went down. It was all good.
Would I do it again? Listen with the right people who I trust, and without taking a dick pill perhaps especially dependent on the night like a night with with Mo feels like the right night, a Tuesday night. No, I'm good, you know what I'm saying. But at night when I'm like, there are other forces that are trying to cock block you birth of I'm gonna help you out.
Yes I would, I would, but definitely it is something that you have to get prescribed so you know, do your research, talk to you the friends that you trust if you're going to try it. But it, but baby, I have in my life I've never been that hard. And I've been hard, I know I have, but that hard I felt. I felt invincible. I felt like a fucking superhero. I was like I could just keep fucking like. It was just like who wants Dick? Who wants Dick?
You come sit. I barely have to do anything. I don't have to think about it, I don't have to do anything. Just it was low key.
It was kind of freeing.
It was a little you went freeing. It was like, oh, I don't have to like do any of the mental aerobics. My Dick is just hard like go off, which we can get into the psychological stuff around that and like whatever, like you know, a Dick's hardness and the pressure around it being our but it was really kind of lovely to just kind of exist and be able to fuck without being concerned about the emotional factor of it. And
I'm always concerned about the emotional factor. But I'm saying, like, not getting in my own head, which makes my dick so off because no matter what the fuck I was thinking, she was, Bertha was at attention and for that I'm grateful. Okay, Well that's my messy story. That was a big messy story. Your girl almost thought her dick was gonna fall off, but we survived. Amen. Amen, somebody, thank you. Gods answered my prayers. God listens. If you don't think God listens,
not me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, not me making this dick story about God listening, but uh she do. Okay, by the way, welcome to the show. This is tell me something messy. I'm your host friend and Kyle Goodman. Most people call me MESSI mom, but you can call me a Bertha Kyle Goodman. Okay, period is that a drag name? Birth of call Goodman. I'm here for I'm here for it. Let's get the show started. Baby. You know what that means. It's time for a guest. Now,
while they get situated, we'll get our messy. Key key started with a hoe manifest sto repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the serendity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck they, for it is better to masturbabe by myself in peace than to let someone play in my mother fucking face.
Let the hommunity say ho lujah. I'm so excited to have Tracy Thomas on the show. Tracy is the creator and host of the critically acclaimed literally podcast The Stacks. She is a passionate champion of books and a deeply curious interviewer. Tracy is a monthly contributor on MPRS here and now a columnist for she reads dot com. The creator of the LAist Live literary series One for the Books, She also hosts and moderates literary events, book festivals, and
author talks nationwide. Tracy's substack, Unstacked, is a place where she dives deeper into books, and also discusses topics outside the literary world like pop culture, sports, politics, and more. Please help me welcome Tracy Hi. Tracy Hi. It's been taking it's taken as several several months to get you here the start of the show.
But we've hung out multiple times.
We have, but you're in hi demand to get you into this now.
No, that's not what happened. Let me tell you something messy. Actually, you canceled on me because you were going to what was it some of the women, the women and oh black men, They said, Vincent, can you just reach out to her and see if we could reschedule? And then you were gone because you were doing ours nova.
Yes, I was in New York. Yeah, but there was a few. It was actually all blaming me.
No, I'm gonna blame you.
It was you too. You have a thriving podcast, you have two children. You have but I'm here, I'm a veil here. Well, hold on, before we get into this, let me give you our messy mandates, which I can find. Here we go, things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right to evolve, shift or change today tomorrow, ten years from now and.
Sorry, that wasn't even supposed to be funny.
This is gonna be as gonna be a mess. And if during the kiki something feels too personal unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foosball, which gives us a chance to pause and address or pivot accordingly.
You guys a lot.
This is so well. We known each other since we were nineteen uh and we are now twenty two, so it's a long time. It's like three whole years. Yea, three whole years. It's a really long time. Shall we start with a loupe breaker?
Sure?
Okay, the way you're looking at side, you get to say blue wall. At any point you're like, very much blue breaker.
Foosball.
I mean we're gonna we're gonna play fuck Mary block. Okay, I like this, uh fuck Mary block. Massages, kissing, cuddling.
I think I'm gonna block kissing.
Okay, you're black kissing, think about it.
I'm gonna marry cuddling, and I'm gonna fuck a massage. I don't know. I love a massage, massage, I love a massage. I'm actually gonna marry ann fuck a massage, and then the rest can go Okay, I'm fine.
Okay, Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck. I'm gonna marry a massage. I always want to be a massage.
Me too.
I'm gonna fuck kissing. I love making out and I'm gonna but I love cuddling, but I don't need it. I don't need it.
I don't need kissing or cuddling.
You don't be kissing or cuddling and I like it. But like, but it's not like you're not crave.
I guess I don't know.
Yeah, I'm I don't crave cuddling. Yeah, it's like, leave me. I want my personal space. But I love to make out. But a massage, yeah, man.
But okay, but if it's not a good massage, like I move away from right. Okay, do you remember this is so this is old, this is old New York stuff. I once met a guy and he was really nice, and he came to my house, my apartment, and we like watched a movie and he like put in his arm around me and then he like was stroking my arm and it was really soft.
Like very soft hands or softly softly touched.
It was a faint and it was so ick to me that. I never went out with him again, but we referred to him as soft Touch for the next four years. While I like there was a literal man who was lovely lovely, we called soft Touch for years.
I loved giving names, used to give so many. Yeah, I still give. I give nickas on the show for nicknames on the show.
But soft touch, soft touch, Yeah, that's not a great like a twenty two year old man.
Like it was like, well, it's like it's like it's like a good thing to be touched softly. When you're saying it, it's being subverted as like negative and so like yeah, it.
Was just like it's like if you want to put your arm around me, like put your like you know. This was literally like it was like, oh, I'm touching like a piece of paper at the archive, which it was like, so I was like, am I that frad? Guess it was so bad?
Yeah. I had a massage once. I worked at this rowing studio briefly and they gifted the instructors with massages and it was like come in for like your fifteen minute appointment. I swear this woman just like like just light and I for fifteen minutes. It was before I found my voice because now like you really have to stop harder, harder, or have to see it out. But it was it was like she's like has that was like a little more pressure, and then she's like a
little bit more. It was. It was useless. It was so useless. It pissed me off. So I don't I don't know if that's bad. Yeah, and now now I get recommendations for massages. Okay, fucking marry block Missionary, Doggie sixty nine.
I'm going to block sixty nine. Okay, I really don't care for that. It's not I would like to focus on myself when I am receiving, and I would like to focus on you when i'm giving. Like I just it's distracting. I can't enjoy. You're not enjoying because I'm not even doing my best work because I'm like.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I agree with you.
I don't agree. I just I really like to focus.
Yes, I agree with you.
I'm gonna marry Missionary. It's a classic. It really is a classic. It works great for me. And then I guess I'll fuck Doggy.
Okay, beautiful, Yeah, I would. I will on that. I'm probably gonna be the same. I'm gonna block of sixty nine because it's fine and like there's it's a it's a nice seasoning from time to time, but it's not I'm not like I can't wait to sixty nine.
Like we can take turns, we can do that.
I am going to actually I'm going to marry Doggie. I could always because if I'm if I'm fucking, if I'm topping, I love to see that ass. If I am being topped, it's less intense, so I can like take it.
Like the anatomy is different too, sure, absolutely, yes. I feel like Missionary is like real easy, basic, yeah, with certain with certain genitaliah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Genetics, that's it's getting very very eugenics.
Not there, not there. Yeah. I like Missionary and you know, Propa pillow under me, So I'll funk Missionary. I marry Doggie and I'll block sixty nine. You won the game?
What did I win? My hoping for donut?
That's my god, that's incredible. Time get donuts next up? Okay, if you have I have submissions, you can email me at tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, Tracy, can you tell me something.
I struggled with this list.
People do stress about this because.
I know I have messy things, But as soon as someone tells me authority, you're like someone's like, I'm like, I can't think of anything. My brain goes blank.
It's when people say to a comedian, be funny, and you're like, I have no jokes. Yeah.
So I guess what I'm going to tell you is that I am the worst mom in the social group of moms, in the world of children. I have five year old twins as you know, the mini stacks as we call them, and there are moms who want to be friends. I don't want to be fun. I have friends, and I will ignore, I will lie, I will My favorite move is like, hey, do you guys want to
like do a playdate tomorrow or like later today? Leave on red until I'm like an hour after and be like, oh my god, I'm just we're just getting out of something. So yeah, that's messy.
We are the same, We're the same. Yeah, I just like yeah, yeah, it's like it's it's I love talking to you about this because I feel like it's the thing that people don't talk about, which is like, which you made me have to it on now. We talk to all my mother friends about this, which is you have to like be friends with your kids friends moms and like you're like, I don't necessarily like them, but.
Like I don't and like, I mean, I'm sure you can, like when you interview people for a living, yeah, and you're constantly being interested in people. Yes, yes, I don't want to be interested in someone like I don't want But then you have to have something to talk about because you have nothing in common that you know of besides little Billy likes Little Timmy, yeah know, And it's like, oh, okay, like oh, are your kids picky eaters? Yeah? What is
your kiddie? They love chicken fingers. And I'm just like, like when it's like a group of like a group play day and there's multiple moms and then me, I'm just sitting there like, yeah, I want to be dead, like I just I don't. I don't want to be locked in. And it's not that any of these people aren't nice people, but it's just the conversation like I'm like,
why don't you tell me something about your life? Tell me something interesting, like talk some ship with me, give me a reason to be here, and it's like they like, it's not even oh we went out to dinner at this great restaurant. It's literally like things were like where did you get your kids sneakers from? I'm like Amazon, just.
Like you do you think that it's like they their their life and it's everyone, but like that their life has become just centered around the kids.
And but I don't really talk about myself either because I'm also not trying to make friends. Sure, like I'm.
Just you, but you also like you're so interesting.
Sure, but I'm never gonna talk about myself.
Why not.
I'm never gonna be like, hey, guys, I know we're talking about you know what jelly, which I love, But did you know that? On my podcast I interviewed Ginger Spice from The Spice Girls, which I did, but I'm never gonna do that.
Sure do they ever ask they know what you do?
So one a few of them do. One woman like listens and she'll text me and I actually really like her. She's like a very nice lady and she'll text me like she was like, oh my god, Ginger Spice, And I was like, I know, but like the thought of doing like I have friends who do like mommy's night out with other school moms, friends like friends like their kids, like other school moms that they've met through the school. They'll go out and get drinks or go to dinner.
Never never, I will never. I mean maybe I will, but I'm not just gonna do that. It's gotta be mom's I want to be around.
It's like your ideal mom to be around.
I don't know one of my friends who has kids, one of my friends who I like, who has kids. I just I don't know at any mom that is like disgruntled like I am. Like any mom who's not like my kid is the best thing that ever.
I feel like. I think that what I love about you is that you are honest about the experience of parenthood and it's like all of it, like the fun stuff, the hard stuff, And I feel like sometimes people try to present that everything is okay, and you have a very low bullshit barometer.
I can't.
I can't.
I don't like because then if you ever see me out with my kids, you'll be like that woman was lying because she does not She does not want to cut the sandwich into a heart. She does not want to make Easter Bunny pancakes. No, she doesn't. She doesn't even want to make pancakes. We had fruit loops for Easter. Like I'm tired. It's a Sunday.
Yes, yes, I love it. I love it. Thank you for that. I feel like you just rated a bunch of parents. Shall we do some mess email? Sure, beautiful. Let me read this one for you. Okay, this one says, I'm recovering from purity upbringing purchase my first butt plug and vibe. I'm still nervous to try, but just purchasing them with such a big step for myself. Have you ever purchased a toy? And do you remember the experience of it? What was it like?
And you can foose wallet if you're like, I've never Oh really, okay, I've used, but I never purchased.
Okay, lovely, I've uh, I've purchased toys, but I actually, and I've said on this like, I don't love toys. Now we have different genitals and they the penis toys do not do anything. Yeah for me? Uh So, I'm always like I'm trying, I'm trying to find the right ones, but I think that it's such a big step, Like would you ever buy one for yourself or do you?
I mean I would. Okay, here's the thing about being an online person. Yeah, you get free stuff, that's true. So like I have free ones that I've received and they're fine, they're fine, Like I don't it's not something that.
I'm You're like craving. Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I know. I there's part of me that's like I'm not craving. But people seem to have such transformative experiences that I'm like, maybe all I know, maybe I'll I'll set aside some time to try.
I'm not going to I'm going to sleep.
If I have time, let's see, like I'm out of the sleep. Okay. This one says I have a feeling my ex wants to get back together. I'm open to it, but how do I bring it up? What do you think?
Are you trying to get back together with me? That's what I would say.
Oh, fair, you're talking like, yeah, kind of.
It's not my ex. You wish. I think I would just I mean, I would probably play it off like silly.
Yeah, I feel like, do you if you have a feel like I'm curious about, like how you get this feeling the feeling? Like are they saying something, are.
They They like, I want to get back together with you? They like text me like you up?
Like, but what's the I mean, I always feel like people are excess for a reason, that's right.
I mean got back together, and absolutely.
There are excess for a reason. So honestly, if they want it, they especially if they ended it.
Sounds like the writer wants it, They're like, how do I bring it up? Yeah? I mean, honestly, you don't have anything to lose, like, because you're not you are head together and if you're still in like a lot of good communication. The worst thing you would happen is that you'd be embarrassed and then you'd be not as good communication. But again it's your ex so like so like, so they're already gone. So I would be like, why are you hitting on me? Do you miss me?
Do you want that?
Yeah?
Because because I'm not open to it, that's fair, that's fair. Yeah, I have questions about it. But I would also say, why spend the block? You know what I'm saying. But sometimes we spend the block because it's comfortable. But I still I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Okay, this one says my dom made me keep his com on my face while he watched me finish my grad school paper.
Last No, that's rude. You're writing like, I'm so sorry. I'm not even trying to king shame.
I'm just like.
It's logistically irritating, just like I'm like, if I have like hair, I can't focus.
Yeah, Like the thing is like if I have to do legit work, I'm like.
I'm like hair bag like baseball cap on.
I'm so sorry this time has to go. It's trip if it works for you work, but like I just could not. I have to My work station has to be set up so specifically for me to work and come on my face would just not do it. But like hot, you know, and also he's watching you, right, I can't do that either.
Okay, if I was at top, I'd be like no, because I like I want to sleep, like IM like I want I want to do anything else but watch your face.
While you write on a computer.
Art history in the eighteen fifty but you know what.
Also, but like also for you patroon hot, like if you were into it, I love it. I would be in my head.
Yes, I couldn't. I couldn't do both.
It couldn't do it.
Could I couldn't. I could let it be there or I could write this paper, but we can't do And I'm trying to get an a.
I'm trying to get that.
I'm trying to get an a. So it's gotta be a wipe. It might maybe it's like a wipe and like we'll say this for later, or like do you want to do it again later and then and then we can. But I like missus Marston means this paper, I don't know what I mean. I just really made that.
Marks you could we learned with when er fight Master was here, we learned about somebody submitted about a squirts cicle. So they took fix your face, They took their the juices and then they frozen, which show you could do that with the and then you yeah, you like liqu
at or eat it or something. I imagine what I would do is I would imagine if I were to do this, I would take the cum off my face and put it in like little icicle thing and then I add like some juice and some fruit, so it's like mixed.
I just don't like to fuck with my food, Okay, I'm that's fair. I can't. I'm so glad other people are out here doing this.
One says I'm catching feelings for someone. He made me orgasm three times on the first date. Is that enough catch feelings.
For like emotional feelings?
Yeah, I assume.
I don't know. I feel like those things can be different. I'm happy for that person. They feel they're feeling good, they think they like him person Like, I don't know. I feel like that's I mean, what's wrong orgasms and you feel like you like them? Congratulations?
Yes, yes, I guess I always have to say, you know, orgasms and liking somebody don't have to go hand in hand.
That's true.
That like, especially with the first date, Like you can maybe come all you want, but like, who the fuck are you? Yeah? And like what like I'm not catching feel quite fast.
See, I'm the opposite. I fall in love with everybody.
I love a crush crush.
Well you know me, I've been love I love everybody I am.
I have gym crushes all the time. God, I have a gym crush when I was in New York. Fast. That's great, that's a great reason for a crush.
Just like sometimes we're on treadmills next to each other.
I'm like, faster, absolutely, and I love them any competition absolute.
But yeah, so I I can catch feelings for someone instantly, okay, but they're not real. I just like, I just love to fall in love with someone. But so, yeah, I don't think. I mean if you i'm taking this person for I'm trying to take it as they are catching feelings and the sex was good as opposed to their catching feelings because the sex was good, oh.
Fair, But I feel like, who knows I'm catching feelings for someone he made me work as three times on the first date. I feel like it's he made you come, and you're like, who is this person? And now catching feelings?
Sure that's less ideal for me personally, yes.
But I want to know more about you before I say I'm catching feelings. But that's also But listen, this is the thing.
I catch feelings like like I will be in love with you and and then like then I find out one thing and I'm like the fucking yeah.
I don't want to diabolical. Yeah, I guess listen, have fun, catch your feelings, but you know, just keep your wits about you. I guess, yeah, thing like enjoy the enjoy the falling, enjoy the crushing, but also like, you know, don't fall unintentionally, you know, be intentional about the yea.
Like who did he vote for?
Period?
You know, like like you can catch things, but we do have to do.
We have to do the research. Ask about the politics of that dick before you make it spit. That's is That is the team. Okay, this is my missy pick. You're ready for the real, the real Kiki. Okay, this is a longer letter, and we are. I'm going to preface this by saying Tracy that like I'm.
So nervous, I'm sweating. I don't even know that I didn't know you. I would never do that.
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. It's why I feel so honored. Listen, we're gonna, we're gonna, I'm gonna read it and then we'll we'll give the disclaimer, which is that like we're going to stumble through this, uh imperfectly or maybe maybe you're maybe you'll be perfect, but I know that I won't. Okay, So I'm black and in an interracial relationship with a white partner. I love him so much, but I feel a bit ostracized by certain family members, friends, and even people on the
internet who are judgmental about it. My dad, in particular, is very bothered. He's a black nationalist type who wants me to be married to a black man that's similar to him. I don't want to disappoint him, and it's weighing on me, which my partner can feel. What's weird is a lot of my closest community are black, except for my romantic partner. Contrary to what it feels like. People think I'm very pro black. That seems obvious, but it's like my romantic partnership is a betrail to the community.
How do you navigate being pro black but having a white partner?
I have a white partner, I do as well. I also have a white mom, so I am both the product of and currently in an inter racial We like to call, you know, just just a mix. We're just a mix, mix mix it up. I don't know, man, There's not a good answer. If you feel like you can't handle it. If you can't if you feel like you're being judged, you don't like how it feels, it makes you feel bad in your relationship. Not the relationship
for you. If you feel like you want to stick it out, you're okay to do that, then it works. Like a lot of relationships don't work for a lot of reasons. And I think like feeling like your dad is disappointed in you is a fine reason to not want to be with someone. I think if you really want to be with this person, then you got to figure out a way to deal with it. But if you're like I like him a lot, but also I don't want my life to be this, that's like totally fine.
Yeah, have you had tension Obviously wouldn't tension at home, but have you attention with the world or being you know you're.
Yeah, I mean I'm mixed, so people have to tell me that I'm not black. I mean, like I get all of it.
But I I know that you're very comfortable and confident now, but like growing up and growing in to that, how did you kind of navigate the Yeah, all of the ridicule.
I mean, I'm from Oakland, so like a lot of people are mixed there. Yeah, and so it wasn't like I definitely don't have the story where it's like I was the only black kid or the only mixed kid where I grew up, Like, yeah, so many of my friends are mixed, whether it's black and white or you know, white and whatever or black and whatever. Like, So I don't I don't have strong memories of like feeling ostracized.
I do have. I did not fully understand what it meant to be black and white, Like I didn't understand the implications to the out as a kid, like I remember sometimes people would ask my mom like if she was our nanny, and I remember being like, that's so weird.
Why would they think that, you know, like as a kid or you know, I definitely like it was a different time, right, The nineties was a different, different time, and there wasn't as much like black media for young people, sure, right, like obviously Spike Lee was around, But at eight, I wasn't like I wasn't like do the right thing, and
so I think I didn't really understand. Like my dad would sometimes be like, you know, you're black and you're gonna have to work twice as hard, and I remember as a kid, I was always like like I'm tracy, Like I didn't really understand what he was getting. At now, of course I understand it, but like I think a lot of it went over my head as a kid because my brother's best friend was mixed. Obviously my brother
was mixed. I mean just so many people I had, like multiple friends who were mixed in middle school, not as much an elementary school.
But you just never like felt like you were on the outside.
It never felt like the thing that some people tell, like I don't know who I am or where I blong, like I always have felt. I say that I'm a black woman, yeah, but I've always felt very comfortable saying that I'm mixed as well, Like I've never felt I never felt the like oreo thing. Sure, even though I know that people probably said that about me, I don't know. I just I am mixed, Like I don't know, I am both black and white on the inside and the outside.
Like I don't I get it. I get that it's an insult, and I also, you know, the older I get. I'm also just like it's really fucking anti black to say that someone's not black because of whatever, Like yeah, it's like, oh, black people all have to be like this one way or be this one thing. And if you if you're a creative and you make something that's not exactly what your life was like. You can't tell these stories even like within the black community all of.
That, Like I just, yeah, you've made peace with that. I I think that. So I grew up in a Caribbean household. I'm first generation, and but I went to a lot of private schools. So I went to my elementary middle school was an international school, so we were kind of like all representing from all around the world. And then my high school was very much predominantly white, and so I wasn't My mom always said, like, I'm raising a strong black man for a strong black woman.
So I did hear that growing up. But obviously what was counteractive to that was that like I'm queer, and so I wasn't gonna be with a woman. Yeah, not the right premise. But then there was also when I got into like high school, just like what more, what more what my options were, which wasn't even in dating,
which I did date a couple of black girls. It just there was like a couple that like were willing to date me because they knew I was homosexual, but like like the white girls that were like you know down today and so like, but I never thought about the world's perception of it. I kind of just went
where whoever was like down to hang out with me. Yeah, it wasn't like, oh I don't like And I think that's what where I get tension as an adult is people assuming that there is a discard or like I don't like black men, or I don't like black people
because I have a white partner as opposed to. It just so happened to work out that, like, this is my partner, but I wasn't like looking for There's like a there's a feeling that partners of color, black partners who have white partners are looking for white partners as opposed to they just fell in love.
But nobody says that to the white partner.
No, that is always what's frustrating. The white partner is like.
Super woke and like wow, wow, white guys dating, yeahs so cool.
You have a black wife, you have a black husband, a black spouse, and the black or brown Asian partner is like, you hate your race and you're betraying and you get that from everywhere, Like you get it from your community, but you also get it outside of your community. And I'm just to your earlier point. It does feel so curiously anti black, because you are now being disparaging to a black person right based off of like who they love.
And saying like they're less black because of it. And I'm just like, oh, so there is such thing as a black monelith them, Like they're either there's no such thing. Black people can be whatever they want and more expansive,
or there's rules to being black. But you can't be like, oh, black people can do whatever, and then as soon as a black person does something you don't like, oh, they're not black black, Like I don't fuck with Candice Owen, it's not one single bit, but she's still black, right, right right, And like we deserve black villains, you know,
like do you know what I mean? Like I mean not that we've had a problem with black villain representation, but like every black person doesn't have to be my black person, every black Like we are allowed to have black conservatives, even I think they're fucking assholes, which is not any different than a white conservative I think is
a fucking asshole, you know. Like it's just so I think, like if you want to say black people are expansive and they can be and do everything and anything, which is what I believe then you don't get to tell
someone they're less black because they're whatever. And like, I mean, backtracking to our eugenics conversation earlier, I think there's something really interesting that happened with mixed raced people and people who are like in in inter raci relationships or whatever, where this conversation becomes like, oh, you're less black than And it is interesting because it really buys into the history of like race science, right, which is like race science, Okay,
it's all made up, it doesn't exist. But it's like a lot of people try to talk about how, you know, the one drop rule, right, like that's how it was, how it came about in this country. So if you had one drop of black, you were black, and many people who looked white were embraced for their blackness in black communities. And now there's sort of this pushback of like, oh, you're only half black, like you're not even though experience,
you know, family, all of that is black. And so I think that part of it is also really interesting to me, of like, oh, you're not black because you have a white parent. But it's like, you know, I didn't invent the rules, right, Like I'm like this is
this is who I am. These are my parents, And if you want to say that I'm less black, like you are trafficking in this weird eugenics, yes, sort of like oh if you're less than twenty five percent or like you know, there's always this, There'll always be these things where like certain celebrities you'll find out they're black and I'm like, oh, well they're not black because they don't look black. I'm like, oh, well, is that now the bar? Like what is the bar? And why is
it moving so much? And you know, that's a conversation that I think can and should be had of like the one drop rule was imposed on people, right, but like the question is then, like what does make someone black?
Yeah, I mean I I don't know if I had the end. And I think what's interesting is that I think it's it's such a delicate conversation blackness and racial relationships. But it never seemed why I wanted to have it with you is because there never seems to be the appropriate space to have it in a compassionate way. It's very much you know, like doctor Umar, like it's this or not. You're like, I don't, I don't know what to do with that. But I guess my feeling is,
what is your experience? Like, are you having an experience where people are treating you as black? Which is a very clear experience, Like not to be morbid, but like are you scared of the cops when the cops over?
Like, but there's also people who are black who are raised with black parents who maybe don't present as black, sure, who have a black experience.
That's true, Like what is the black experience? Right?
What does the black experience mean? And like, you know, I always like, there's this soccer player in the UK. His name is Cole Palmer. Yeah, and he looks white as hell, white as hell. Like when I found out he was black, I was like, dang, but he has a black, I believe Jamaican grandfather. And when you see his grandfather, there's not like he's black. Yeah, when you
see Cole, you're like, I don't quite get it. But I don't know that we get to be like, oh, he's white because he looks white like it is.
If we're saying black expirits is expansive, then he is.
Well yeah, I mean he has a black grandparent. Yeah, that's a I mean he's at least a quarter black. Like so I think, you know, it becomes and again that's all like race science or whatever, but like it becomes really interesting who like I don't know, it's hard to know who gets to decide who's what or whatever. And obviously, like people like Rachel Dolezel have like complicated,
well they have they complicated who gets me white? Because you should just be like, if you wanted to be black, you get to be black, because like you know, in America, who wants to be black? Like who would choose it if they weren't? That used to be sort of the logestion, right, and now there are people who are like want so badly to be down in the side that like they make it so that other people have to like prove themselves.
I mean, do you remember there was like a TikTok of someone who was like I'm I'm not like no, no, no, and then they like showed a picture of their like mom, right, it was like, yeah, I mean that person's raised by a black mom, even if they look white like that, you know, yes, And then there's people who look black who are raised you know, who are maybe are adopted or raised by white people and don't have the like black experience, but are they not black?
Yeah? I mean those are great questions. I mean, I guess the answer is if we're saying the black experience gets to be expansive and it's not monolith, then like, if you are black, you are having a black experience. It may not be the majority black experience, but it's still part of the experience. I guess where it gets tricky.
I wouldn't say tricky, but I'm using I'm not saying this is my attention, but I'm seeing on kind of the communal tension is the feeling that some people are being treated better than others, right that like which then gets into the like if you are if you are black but you look white, you might be having a better experience in this world than if you are a darker skin. Yeah, And so then I think that's where a lot of the book comes up or gets kicked up,
and that's where the fight happens. I wish that, I mean, I think I wish that we were more compassionate. I wish that, Uh, I wish, like going back to this person's like question, specifically in terms of relationship, Like, I personally wish that I wasn't something that I had to navigate, like you know, getting called a snow chaser or having people dismiss my work because my husband is white. They love to do that where it's like, oh, you're not. Oh we thought you were cool until we found out
your you know, husband's white. And it also to mean negates. Like I said, this will be imperfect. I understand that there are black folks and people of color who are with white partners because they are under the impression that there is safety in that. And I understand that there are black folks and brown folks and Asian folks who chase after whiteness to have that security in that safety. But I think what never gets asked one. I think
that all of us get lumped into that. So now every black person that has a white partner is trying to get closer to whiteness. And also it never the questions ever asked what happened to that black person that is making them chase whiteness, which I think is like
a compassionate question. I'm not saying it excuses whatever, but like I never hear that part of it, like what experience did that person a person of color have that has warped them or their psyche to feel as though they need you have a white partner to feel safe, And where's what what is that conversation? And are we having that conversation which I can't have. I don't. I don't know it, but I do know the conversation of like, I'm pro black, I love like my friends are black,
my community is black. I you know, create programs for specifically black folks, but I have a white partner, And why does that negate my my blackness? Which it doesn't.
It literally doesn't, but it doesn't mean that it's not painful, sure, or like sad to feel like, oh wow, I have to prove myself in a way, and ultimately, you know, I've gotten to a place where I have to go, like I know who I am, My people know who I am, and people who follow meople follow me, and my community knows who I am, and like that's actually what matters, and I'm loved and like that's also part
of it. Like I had, which has nothing to do with like I had a partner who was emotionally abusive and was of color. And what I find so interesting is that no one ever asks if I'm loved my relationship. They just ask about the race, and it's like the race has nothing to do with whether or not I'm going to be loved well right, or if you're going
to be a good partner, like sometimes we will. I notice where if your partners of the same race, then everyone's cool, but there's no conversation about like are you being treated well right? Are you being loved or is it just that like you're both of the same race. Whereas if it's inter racial, then it's.
Like, well you hate your right well like that the interracial like invites outside opinion. Yes, yes, it's like, you know, I don't know, maybe because I have a bad attitude, maybe because I've grown up mixed my whole life. Yeah, I just don't. I don't know, Like there are people who are gonna not like you or think that you're a phony no matter what you do, yeah, no matter who you are. Yeah, Like I come from the book world.
People used to write horrible reviews of Tony Morrison's books, right you know, like, and to me, she is the gold standard of black literature, right, like, she is amazing And if you go back and read old reviews of her, they ship on her stuff. Yeah, they're like they're fine, books are fine. So I just feel like, you know, and she kept writing and she's the goat. So to me, I'm just like you. People are gonna not like me.
People are gonna say that I'm this and that, and I can just do what i can do and I can just be who I'm gonna be. And if you don't like me, that's fine.
Like I don't.
I probably don't even. I mean now with social media, like I don't know you. It's different with the person's dad. Sure, I think that's really hard. Again, in my family, no one could be like, hey, do you have a white husband, because I'd be like, yeah, mom, you went inter racial too, like what's up?
But yeah.
But but I do feel like some of the outside stuff, like I don't know, I just don't. It doesn't I feel like I've already heard all of it, like as a kid, you know.
Well, you guys, I think you poke holes in it and you go, well, what what does this really have to do with me? Or is this other pain that's not being projected on you? Because of course, you know, this is such a much longer conversation, but there are you know, racial politics in our countries, So I understand where the stress comes from, but it doesn't mean that that has to do anything with your.
Current relationship, right, and like you do what you do, you do your thing, And like if people, like I said in the beginning, if people, if people's opinions about your relationship are making your life difficult and you can't live with that, that is a totally valid reason to
end your relationship. Sure, But on the flip side, if you really love your partner, and I'm not suggesting that you don't love your partner if you choose to bring up with them, but like, if the thing that is most important to you is the relationship with your partner, then you have to say fuck it to the other thing.
Like you aren't going to be able to be in an interracial relationship in this day and age and not either hear it from somebody or like you're not going to be able to be totally free from outside opinion. Like that's just not possible right now. So you have to decide which thing is more more bearable, more difficult, whatever, and you have to just you know, make that decision.
And there's always going to be some thing, but that I mean that's also with every relationship, there's always gonna be something.
Like people. I mean this is not shots, but like I think about people who are like in relationships with police officers. Yeah yeah, sure, like I judge you, yeah, yeah, you judge my white husband, I judge you. Yeah.
Yeah, there's always gonna be something.
There's there's something, you know, I'm.
No monogamous, so like there's yeah, you know, like how your relationships set up, there's always going to be something, And so if you're basing it off of what other people are thinking, you'll kind of never be right.
But again, I understand if it's like your core community, your family, you don't like, I don't think that I could bring home a Republican, even if I met one and I fell in love with one and I was okay with it. I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who was like like a real conservative, because I don't think I could bring that person home to my family, and my family is more important to me at this point.
In my life.
Even if I met someone that I really loved, yeah, like I just would be like, I don't know, and it's not the vibes. Yeah, so I get that, and I think that's a totally valid reason to end a relationship if that is what someone chose to do. Yes, I also think if you choose to stick it out, you just have to accept that. Like, people are going to have an opinion, but people have an opinion about you anyways. People are talking about you no matter what. I'm talking shit about you for sure. For sure, if.
You know me, I'm talking for you. Yeah, I feel like I feel like you. One. Yes, I think a father is a different piece to it because it is family. But ultimately, people always have an opinion and it's you know, whether it's the race, or how much money they make or where they're from. Like, there's always gonna be a thing. And so I think you have to decide for yourself is this relationship making my life better? And how often am I seeing my father?
Well? And also if you do capitulate to your dad, yeah, you better have a boundary set because the next one is going to be doesn't doesn't you know whatever? Because once you're given.
Yeah, there's always a thing, there's always the thing. But I think ultimately, let me affirm for you and let us affirm for you that your white partner does not negate your blackness.
Oh yeah, definitely. That's so silly that you feel that way.
It's so you get to be pro black, you get to be your black self. You are black, and so nothing even black people telling you that you're not is not. They can't, they don't. They don't get to have final say over that. And also like know that there are people like us who are in inter racial relationships, interracial relationships.
And well, I'm not black, just ask the internet.
Don't love me?
You know you are? You are?
And I said my podcast, you are, We're black and we're in interracial relationships and so affirming you as well, Like people are out there. There are people against you as of course, but there are also people who are for you. I think you just have to figure out where you spend your energy and who you spend your time with.
That seems log off, babe, Oh the.
Way I want to delete all the apps.
Do you know that someone wants on the Internet said that I wasn't phenotypically black And I was like that mad, Like I don't have black features, so they didn't know I was black? Like I look, that's what I'm saying.
People say, But you know it really, like the the underneath it all. It's like you're in so much pain, like you fixed your fingers to get on here to tell somebody you don't know they're not this that Oh my god, you really are and you really are in pain. You're hurt and it's all you can grasp at because you're watching somebody live their life and live their life however they see fit and be loved and be valued,
and you're mad at that. And so even when you know I was talking about polyamory and someone's like, I bet your partner is white, I was like, what did I have to do with so like dope as advice I gave you about non monogamy, Like why is that? The thing is like, oh, you're there's a there's a misery.
It's like you have to just hate someone, which I get. I love to hate people, but I like to hate people on dumb ship that or like real ship, Like let me hate you on your marriage.
You know, yes, you hate worthy things.
Let me talk ship.
Yeah, I don't want the easy one like like real ship. Yeah, okay, let me ask you the final two questions that we asked here. I know the answer to the first one. Have you read sex and ad No, yeah.
I've like never even been in a part about it.
That's not true, but absolutely sometimes you just can't though. And then what could you learn to love about yourself? What?
I know what that means?
What can I learn?
I don't know what that means?
What could you learn to love about yourself?
Such a big question is I don't know.
Think about yourself. Think about the things that.
You like, the things I don't like about myself that I can learn.
Yeah, yeah, you can take your time because we'll cut out there.
Oh so I just have to answer that. How about?
What about?
What about should I learned somethings I should learn? I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself about my body. I probably could learn to like be okay with these extra like ten or.
So bound extra? What girl? You look so good?
Well? You know, just some clothes don't fit the way that I'd like them too. You know, so I probably could, but I'm not going to. So let's be let me keep that. Really, I was a dancer. I've got serious body issues like this, Like this is deep. I started dancing it too. We're nuts.
Yeah, I'm dating a dancer.
The body stuff is weird. Maybe I could learn to love.
I don't know, I'm.
Not in person. I don't really have like self loathing, Okay, do you know what I mean? I mean there's things I don't like, something you loathe.
But you're like, oh, like, what do you say? What do I say? I hadn't I had a new one and I forgot about it.
What do other people say?
People say? Bodies is a common one that comes out. I could love to learn to love aging. I I am a like, I'm a skincare girly down and I will spend a lot of time, which I love. I just love skincare. But I see myself because you know, when we're doing this, like we're it's always on cameras. We were both fitness instructors at the same place. You're literally looking at yourself in mirrors all day. And so and A grew up with like an actress mother, a
minister grandmother, and so appearances were always a thing. And so I could just like learn to love the changes of my face and my body more and instead of you know, thank you, but you know, I have like I'm like, I'm like I literally was I was like in the mirror of the day, I was like, oh God, I can't wait to get my eye surgery. What are we talking about?
I'm never getting not never, but I really don't want to get surgery.
Listen, I'm scared. Yeah, I mean you have to get references and whatnot. But but I feel like it's like, oh, why am I so like? Why am I so obsessed with what I know? I am? I live I work in this industry and I live in Los Angeles. So I think that I could learn to love my aging and how my body is aging and and and not try and hold on to Yeah, twenty two year old baby face. It was a youthful pull. It was a natural poll the same we really do black nol crack and that's on period.
Yeah.
But yeah, I could learn to love aging more.
Okay, do I have to come up with another No?
No, No, here's perfect perfect. Yeah, my hips be doing weird things.
Then I have to I have Oh that's what I could learn to love that. I'm losing my flexibility. I hate it.
I hate I'm trying to get I'm trying to get more flexible.
I got you did well, not since last time I talked to.
You last time you're talking to you did a mile in how long?
Six? I think the most recent is six thirty six work.
I'm sure I can't do that.
You probably could.
No, I don't like running like that. I like short bursts, like the twenty seconds and then yeah I can't, y'all and them. We used to go to Barius together. Remember we used to go Beary together. And we had that one instructor who shant to be named because I can't remember his name, but he was terrible, and we were going every week, and then finally we had a substitute and we were like, we were like, oh, this is class,
this is a good class. Yeah, we all stopped going because we were really enamored by the hotness of that other instructor. Yeah, thank you for being here.
We did it.
We did it.
I didn't even really have to food spot.
No, you did it. I love y'all.
I feel relief.
Let's go eat bye bye. Well, you know we are hose here, but hoes with heart. So before we go, before we part ways, before we get back into our lives, let me speak to your beautiful, beautiful heart. Tracy and I have known each other for of every long time that is my that is my family. That is my homie,
my road dog, my family. The whole reason I'm in la is because ten years ago Tracy I was like debating moving and Tracy was like, just come and you could stay on our culture, like in our spirit bedroom. It was supposed to be maybe like a couple of weeks. I was there for a couple of months because figuring out work and finance a lot. But that generosity, that is that is a that is maybe the defining word of Tracy is generous. She is a generous human being.
And she is out here doing so many wonderful things in the community, so many wonderful programs around books, and it's also just shows up so fully for the people that she loves, her friends and her family, and I'm just so honored to be part of that. She's taught me. She's taught me what it means to be not just a good friend, but a great friend, because that is
definitely what she is. I am here for the real mom talk, and I hope that for the moms listening, I hope that there was a little bit of a relief and listen if you love you know, pickups and talking to other moms go off. I love that for you. But if you don't, and if it's sometimes a struggle inside of the motherhood of all and the social politics of motherhood, I hope that Tracy's truth telling, her admissions, her sharing made you feel seen and heard and not
alone in your journey and on your journey. Shout out to all the moms, because right it's not just you know, changing diapers and you know, breastfeeding. It's so much more.
It's literally a human that you are trying to raise into a full on person, and you have to now navigate not only your life, but their life, and if there's more than one of them, their lives along with.
You know, if you're married or your family, Like, there's just so much that you are holding in your brain. You know. My director for a Hoe Church is brilliant and also a mother, and I'm always just in awe as she navigates her newborn, her daughter and then also meet also like our show, I just hats off to all the moms. Hats off to you know, being being
a mom and just that being your focus. Is a lot to do that and also you know, be in a partnership and also have a job like, I just want to take this moment to salute you and say that you are divine forces, truly, truly, truly, and you deserve the best this world has to offer. And so thank you for for the ways in which you love. Thank you for the ways and what you love. Let's get intell what we were key king about, which is I would saying this, watching come dry is better than
watching paint dry, perhaps, but I still like Tracy. I'm not trying to watch come dry on somebody's face, but go off. I love that. If that is your kink and that's what you love, then I want that for you. But I do have questions, you know. I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna give you a towel, okay, even when I like, even if it's my especially if it's not come I'm I'm a hand with the towel. I'm gonna be that's so hot. And then I might hand with the towel. Now,
who knows, I'm gonna look it up. I am not nasty some but I know somebody just went, yeah, I could be that nasty. I might look you come up, My lick might come up. Who knows. It depends on how I'm feeling and what the vibe is. But I will definitely give you a towel, and you know what I'm gonna do, Like if you if I'm hosting, I'm gonna warm that towel up. Yes, I'm gonna get some warm water on that towel and I'm gonna hand it over to you. I'm gonna let you wipe your beautiful face,
wipe your beautiful stomach, because that's that's just me. But hey, if you want to do your paper with come and drying on your face, go off on the more kind of serious side one, I'm thankful for Tracy for having
this conversation with me. It's a conversation I've been thinking about having on this podcast since its inception, but you know, always wanting to be one sensitive about when we talk about race and like who to talk about it with was also really important to me, and how we frame the conversation was really important to me, and Tracy just felt like the right person to brow to the subject with.
We didn't have the full conversation. I'm sure as you were listening there are things that you might have been thinking or ways you might have been feeling, because when we talk about race, A lot can come up, especially when we talk about black and white relationships or sorry, just kind of any relationship opposite a white person. There
is a lot to contend with inside of that. I think that one of my biggest takeaways and something that I has, you know, brought me peace as I navigate people's assumptions or their judgments, is that it is quite anti black to tell people they are black, to qualify
their blackness, to me is anti black. If race is a social construct, a construct designed by those who identify as white, then for us inside of our own communities are black communities, communities of color, to abide by that, to enforce that is actually, to me, perpetuating white supremacy and that ideology. And I think it is actually not loving or compassionate of black folks to dismiss or discard them based off of whatever tenants or bullet points that
you have created or fabricated or adopted. You know, there's that the black experience is our experience of blackness qualified by our trauma. I'm bringing that because I said, are you scared of cops? And that is I really want to kind of foozball that, which is like I don't think that our blackness should be qualified by our trauma. I think that's there and it's for sure part of our experience, but I don't know if that is a measure for your blackness or if it should be a
measure or measure in totality. And by the way, as I'm saying all this, a lot of it is wet cement, and so I'm open to dialogue around it. So if you have thoughts, feel free to email me at tell me something messy at gmail dot com or d m me or hit me up on subsack. But that is my feeling is like, oh right, let's not qualify it based off of trauma, or at least not just trauma alone.
That there is so much more to being black and so much it adds to it, and that the black experience doesn't get to be defined by anyone except the black person. You know, when we talk about Rachel dolaz Al like Gina black and that's just what it is. That's somebody who wants to be black or wanted to be black or whatever the fuck that was. So I'm not talking about heart, right, I was talking about people who are black, who have black people in their lineage,
they are having in a black experience. They might not be having the majority experience that we're having, but they are having a black experience. And so how do we honor and respect that? Do we honor and respect that? I don't know, Like if somebody presents as white but has but it like has a black grandparent or has a black parent, but just happens to, you know, be lighter, and doesn't you know it's not immediately visibly perceived as black.
Does that mean that their experience that they're that they're not. I don't. I don't know. I don't. I don't think it does. But I'm also working that out in real time and kind of expanding what my what my thoughts have been, or what my previous parameters have been, and
can I push past it. I am curious about people who do chase whiteness and if there's space to wonder why they do it, because I get that you know that there is a default that if you are a black person, a brown person, Asian person with a white partner, there is a default belief that you are chasing whiteness or that you hate your people. And as Tracy and I said, but the white person is so woke and liberal, right, and that is not the case, right, Like the black
person is not hating their race. They just fell in love with somebody and are pursuing love at base. That does not mean that there aren't black folks or people of color who are chasing whiteness, whether that is romantically or professionally or any other spaces like it happens, and I think that there is. Let's keep it on romance
for now, but I think there is. I wish and hope to create room to wonder why, to wonder with compassion and curiosity and maybe empathy, what perhaps happened to that person in their history that made them feel as though they had to find safety in whiteness. And I will also say they're not safe in that. Like if you are chasing, if you're dating white people because you want safety, it's false. You're not gonna get it, baby, because you are at the end of the day, black.
So you're not gonna get white safety because that that you're black. You know what I'm saying, Like, it's it's a it's a false chase, but it's a chase nonetheless, and something that some people have tricked themselves into believing is possible, And so I get curious about what are the ways in which you were possibly rejected? What are the experiences that you had that taught you that your skin and that your culture and that your ethnicity was dangerous or was not good enough? And how do you
unlearn that? And is there space for compassion for those humans who are navigating that. I don't have the answers when it comes to interracial relationships. You know, there's such a concern for how the relationship looks. Does it present heterosexual, is it the same race? Is it monogamous? And if it's not those things, it opens itself for judgment. But I really want us to start asking or people being loved well? If you are monogamous or non monogoures or polyamorous, okay?
Are you being loved well if you are in the same race relationship or in a racial relationship. If you're heterosexual, you're homosexual, your pan sexual, you're bisexual, you're asexual? Okay? Are you being loved well? I don't care how it presents. I care about your heart. I care about the hearts involved. Are you being loved well? And are you loving well?
Is this a relationship that is growing you and adding to your life, and something that you're you're building your life with in a way that you're proud of, in a way that makes you happy, in a way that brings you peace, or is it something else. Yeah, I don't know what more to say about that, but I guess i'll kind of end with Tracy said, there are people who are not gonna like you or think you're a phony no matter what you do or who you are.
And then it uses example of Tony Moore, you know, in her early work being completely shat on, and I think that's true. You know, I think you have to ask yourself, does this have to do with me? Or is this other people's pain being projected onto me. We're never going to be free of other people's opinions, so I think you have to base your decision on you
and what makes you happy. At the end of your life, when you're on your deathbed, are you going to be happy that you did what everyone else told you to do or you're gonna be happy that you did what you wanted to do. And I agree with Tracy, like, if you're like, listen, my family's my close circles perception of this or how they receive this is far more important to me then that is tea. But then also make sure you have your your boundaries or your guardrails
that don't get to be altered by other people. You know, like, what do you want, Who do you want? Who do you want to love? What makes you feel loved, what makes you happy? Don't let other people dictate that for you. You decide what that means for you. And even if it looks like nothing you ain't never seen, you aint never read about, you ain't never heard about, you've never seen on TV or in a movie. Our media represents such a small, small, small facet of what is possible
in your life. So don't base your life on the lack of imagination that runs rampant in our society and in our families. Base it off of you. All right, That's all I got to say. I love you so much. I'm so happy that Tracy was here. I love her so much, and I love you so much. I want to hear what you think or if you had any football moment, so you can email me at tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. Also, if you want more mess join me over at Substack Brandoncolodgodman dot substack
dot com. Every week on Monday nights, I do Messy Mondays at night where I chat with different guests, you know, a compassionate space to talk about whatever the book we want. So you can check that out every Monday night, six pm Pacific, nine pm Eastern. If you become a paid subscriber, which is five dollars a month, you get access to all the Messy Goodies, including the live stream. But of course monthly essays are Substack exclusive podcast called Hey Everybody.
Plus you can be part of the group chats if you want to be. But let me play you a little clip from the most recent essay I wrote, because sometimes I also do voiceovers of the essays, and this one was about Mother's Day and for those of us who are part of the Mother's Grief Club, which are humans who have physically or emotionally lost their month. So it's a just play it. Fourteen years ago, losing my grandmother physically and then my mother emotionally turned my world
into broken glass, shards and blood everywhere. I thought I'd never be happy again. I thought i'd never rebuild. I thought I'd be alone and never loved again. You know that mother love, the one people write poetry about, dedicated wards to aspire to become. I thought no one would ever see me like my mother did, that my soul
would never be known again, never be accepted. But this morning I woke up to beautiful messages from friends and chosen family letting me know how much they loved me, even a few people wishing me a happy Mother's Day. And I'm weeping with gratitude that my twenty four year old self, who could have built an impenetrable wall around their heart after experiencing such an earth size loss, didn't
give up on love. Yeah, you know, I am always going to try and be, as I say, disruptively vulnerable and share the things that maybe are a little harder or things that we don't talk about, in hopes that if you are also navigating something similar, that you don't feel alone in it, that we all remember that we are not alone, that somebody out here understands some part of our journey and that we're okay. So I hope you'll check it out. You can find me on Instagram
as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at tell Me Something Messy and you can join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and and so much more. Also, I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also call us at six six nine sixty nine Messy That is six six nine six ninety six
three seven seven nine. Rate review and share this podcast with all your hoe and aspiring hoe friends. Really really helps the show out, all right. Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick before you make it spit, make sure they eat the kitty before they beat the kitty, before fuckation or succation. Communication. And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you are so deeply loved. I love you bye. Thank you so much for listening to
tell Me Something Messy. If you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to someone else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced by Ali Pair Sorry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours truly. Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio and the Outspoken Network. Visit the iHeartRadio app, or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.