The first couple.
When I look back at it, the first couple of months that I started dating, I was attracting very, very messy men and I was just talking about it in therapy and.
Then he did this, and then he was oh ah.
And then I had a revelation one day and I went, is it me?
Who am I? The am I am? I? The drama? It me? It was really is it me?
And she was like, yes, you know what we do here destroy.
Shame around sex by talking about sex. Now let me tell you something messy. Hello. Okay, you listen. Last week I didn't have a messy story for obvious reasons. And this week, you know, as another shit show. Uh you know, we got a we got a convicted fella in an office.
Wow.
This is a wild fucking week. And so to be honest, you know, I just haven't been out. I haven't been on my whole CapAids because you know, it was the holidays and then the wildfires and now the inauguration, and you know my libido is down, baby. Okay, So I don't we don't always have to. If you're new here. Usually I tell, like, you know, a messy story is something that's related to sex or dating or whatnot. But today I'm just gonna have to, you know, tell you
just some random shit, some tiny messy stories. That's what we'll call them. A tiny messy story, which a few weeks ago I told you that wasn't actually related to sex. It was that my hatred, well, I want to be careful about that word. Actually, my my strong dislike, my annoyance, my frustration and anger and pissed offness at restaurants who only have one bathroom, because that's fucking crazy. What are we talking about? Starbucks has like two or three bathrooms.
How does the restaurant that is serving beans and cheese and you know, all the all the trigger foods. How you only got one bathroom? How that's crazy to me? What's even crazier? During this time, I went to another restaurant. They had the one bathroom with no mirror. Bitch the way I wanted to fight when I walked into that bathroom and I looked at the looked at this, looked over the sink, at a blank wall. It was a
green wall, a blank green wall. I wanted to fight, baby, Well, what you mean you have no mirror in the restroom? People are coming to your restaurant on date nights. You want to go to the bathroom, make sure that that's in your teeth. You want to reapply your lip gloss so you're aqua for you know, you wanna you got you wanna freshen up. How you freshening up in a bathroom that don't got a mirror? Oh my god, it's crazy.
That to me is just wildness. It's criminal. And I'm wondering if that is a telltale side that a straight man owns the restaurant. Hey, go with me on this counse, straight man, Are y'all going to the bathroom, like, make sure there's stuff in your teeth? Because I don't really believe it. I don't know if y'all are. Maybe some of you are, but I don't believe a lot of
y'all are. But I feel like those of us who are queer, those of us who are women, you know, we are going in there to have an experience, okay, and to make sure that the experience that we are giving is still holding up. Hello, and you don't have a mirror, just so I can make sure there's nothing no eyebookers, make sure there's nothing in my nose, real boogers, Like, what is going on, y'all? I listen? If there was some I should I won't start it. I'm too lazy
to start. But if there was a way to report these restaurants, if there was a way to dock their rating or to I don't know, like I'll put it on a Yelp review. This restaurant has no mirrors, beware. Okay. Also, I wanted to share with you that what inspired me from that was to share with you my messy, my tiny, messy story today, which is again nothing to do with sex, but more of a confession. And it's something that I really don't talk about often because people look at me
sideways when I say it. So I always have to make sure that somebody I trust and who will love me regardless. And I believe that y'all are here. You know. I don't know what episode this is, but we've been here for since September, so it's a few months. We've built a trust. You know who I am. I love you, you love me, So I feel safe enough to share this, this secret of mine, this private private opinion, if you will,
which is uh, I hate soup. I don't know who needs to hear this, but please stop asking me if I want some soup. I hate soup, and I know that some of y'all literally are appalled at this. I have my reasons. A lot of it has to do with like I do love. I love gravy. I love a little bit of gravy. You know, put a little gravy over that chicken on a rice. I love a
little gravy. I don't want a bowl of gravy. And I understand that broth and gravy are a different thickness, but that you you asking me to drink my dinner and I'm not really I want I want to eat it. I don't want to drink it. And I know I listen. I love the Food Network. I'll be on the TikTok and on the on the Instagram reels watching people cooking, and I see what y'all be making with your soups. You're putting a lot of stuff in that soup and you make it hearty, and I love that for you.
I do love that for you. It is not my vibe. My grandmother used to make incredible soup, and like I could tell, I would taste, but that's tasty I can't lie. That is Grandma, you put your foot in net. Grandma, that Grandma, you kilt that. That is that's soup. Okay, that's soup. But it still wasn't. It didn't do it for me. It didn't do it for me. It still doesn't do it for me. And I just want to say, please,
don't invite me over and serve me soup. And I know a lot of y'all again, y'all gonna be freaking out, some of y'all because the soup and salad, that's the thing. We would love their soup and the salad. That is not for me. I barely want the salad. If I'm being honest, I barely want the salad. Don't invite me to lunch for a salad. Oh my god, that is so La Los Angeles loves to have a mid day salad. Girl, give me a sandwich, Okay, I will give me the car I want the car I want the carbs. I
want the carbs, the crew. Put as many if you won't give me a salad, put as many croutons on that bitch as possible. What are we talking about?
Uh?
Even now, when I listen, I have my daily serving of my vegetables, but I be eating them vegetables fast because I'm trying to get to the good part, just eating those vegetables to survive and to stay healthy. But I don't like them, like I'm never craving broccoli. Are y'all craving broccoli? Some of y'all be craving broccoli, don't you. Some of y'all be craving Brussels sprouts. I know some of y'all do, and I respect it. You're safe here.
I respect you. It's just not my story anyways. That's my messy rant, which has nothing to do with sex, but it's still very important, has to do with me and my identity and who I am. It just means, you know, how I can make it about sex. Maybe maybe there is a food play that can involve soup. Huh. Like, honestly, if you pour some soup on your whole cold soup, please to not pour some scorching hot soup, but some gaspacho. That's a soup, right. I don't really know that, and
I know it's so I know what it is. I can see it in my head, but I can't really describe what's in it. But if you pour some like but that's a cold soup, right, okay, somebody, okay, somebody explain way, but you pour some soup on somebody's hole and told me to lick it off. I like that because that feels like gravy. Okay, and I do like gravy on my meat. Oh my god, this is oh my god, this is really going left. Then I thought about pouring soup on somebody's dick, and that also sounds delicious.
Wo wow. Okay, we're unveiling, uncovering a kink that I might have. I'll report back. Okay, anyway's woking to this show? Oh this is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Kyle Goodman. Some people call me messy mob, but you could call me gravy dick. Oh no, no, no, that came to easily. Whoa wow, wow gravy dick. Wow Wow, this show is not okay. Can we do like a little can you put like a little music? Sting so so much energy cause I'm gonna talk about some other stuff.
So insert music now, three two one, okay, okay, quick reset, and I promise we won't get into the interview, which I'm really excited to share with y'all, but let's just do let's I actually need to do a little a little hoe keeping at the top of the show here because for context, and I may have given this context last week, but you know, we have new listeners joining every week, and so I want to make sure that everyone that's here understands what's going on and understands the
guardrails that we have in place to keep you know, the space safe and fun and exciting. So usually I've record the interviews like I've recorded a lot of you know, I think I've recorded most of the season by now, and it's like fifty something episodes. I think we've recorded thirty something at this point, and so I've recorded those, you know, weeks months ago, and then I will come in and do the beginning of the show and the
end of the show closer to the air date. It just so happened in the last couple of weeks that I've been recording them the week that the episodes are dropping,
and so this week is the same. Yeah, I'm recording this on Tuesday, January twenty first, So yesterday was the inauguration, and a lot has happened in the first twenty four hours of this new presidency, and so I do want to take a second because of what we do on this show, which you know, our mission here is to destroy shame around sex by talking about sex in particular, you know, cent ring women and queer folks and pleasure and dismantling all of the bullshit that we've been fed.
And so you know, our audience, our community, this show is directly impacted by what is happening, and so I just want to take a second and say I'm here with you and I love you, and this is terrifying and scary, and there will be lots of time for resilience and healing. But also I think it is important to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're feeling again, be it anger, be it sadness, be it dread,
allow yourself to safely feel. The only way to heal is to feel, and just know that you're not alone in that. There are times where I have felt a lot of doom and then I realize it's because I feel like it's only happening to me, which is, you know, just kind of human nature at times, and then I remember my community, I remember you, and I remember that like Oh, it is not just happening to one of us or a few of us. It is happening to a lot of us. And so our power is in
staying connected to each other. Our power is in continuing to have these conversations, continuing to speak up where we can, continuing to show up where we can, to continuing to support each other in whatever way we can. So with that in mind, one of the things that I'm doing is what you may have seen on Instagram already, I'm
doing a Messy Merch fundraiser. So from now on until February third, if you purchase any of the merch, whether it's the pro hoodies or the pro Messy Hoodies or the Messy Monday hoodies and tish and croperties, all of the proceeds, all every single penny from the proceeds will be donated to three places that I'm going to donate to, which one of them is Habitat for Humanity LA, which is doing launched a Rebuild LA fund, which is basically
a long term emergency response campaign to assist those affected to rebuild their homes, relocate to other housing, provide essential supplies,
and restore their lives. Planned Parenthood Action Fund, which works to advance access to sexual health care and defend reproductive rights and gl TS Glitz Gay and Lesbians Living in a Transgender Society, which is a black trans led advocacy and direct services organization that is dedicated to fighting systemic discrimination against marginalized communities in New York City and beyond.
Yeah so again. You can purchase merch from now on till February third, and all of the proceeds will be divided between those three fabulous organizations that are doing some important work. And the website for the merchant Brandon Callgodmuan dot com backslash merch. It'll also be in the show notes. That is just one of the ways for you to be involved. But you know, find your you know, local businesses, your favorite artists, your local brands, your community grassroots organizations,
and donate money, donate time, volunteer. Also, I really mean this even sending a message of encouragement that every time that I receive an email from one of you telling me how the show has impacted you or how this work that we're doing is impacting you, it fuels me. It allows me to keep going, especially in moments like this when it is difficult and it feels heavy and hard, so find ways to tap in. We need each other
are now more than ever. Also, let's just have this real talk, which is I do not know what the future of these social media platforms are. And you know, I'm sure you've seen in the ways that they've started to roll back protections for queer folks, for black folks, which is funny because I was like, we y'all even protecting to begin with, but now making the statement that they are rolling back on all the DEI We're seeing this with corporations across the board, across the country, and
of course also the social media platforms. So you know, I'm still on Instagram. You can follow me there, but I also have a substack where I post weekly and sometimes I'll post additional clips from the show. I'll write essays, I'll give recommendations, and it's just a space that we're building to stay connected. And it's Brandon Callgodman dot substack
dot com. So please subscribe. You can subscribe for free or pay, but it is a way to stay in touch because I really I do not know what my future and social media will be as things continue to get scary, So you can find me at frantic Callgodman dot substack dot com, and I will actually read you something that I wrote, an excerpt from something that I posted on Monday. I posted an essay that I called, uh, you don't need to post, you need to grieve, and so I'll read you an excerpt because I think we
all need to grieve. Yeah, so it says now that I'm back in my apartment and feeling somewhat settled, there's space for me to grapple with the reality that my country is imploding. Long overdue and necessary, but the pain will be overwhelming. What will be even more so is the collective ignorance to the fact that we're all in pain. So I'm embracing myself diligently watching what people are saying, doing, and assessing my safety and the safety of my communities.
A lot of it makes me feel helpless, but there are ways in which I can hopefully be helpful, especially with my art. My art is my activism, So I will continue to promote conversations about sex, identity and pleasure for all bodies. I will continue to have hard conversations. I will continue to seek and bask, enjoy. I will continue to write as a black, queer, non binary, polyamorous artist, I will give of myself. I will make myself visible
with as many in my community as possible. All that to say, I just want to declare here with you publicly. I am here with you. I ain't going nowhere. I will continue to speak, I will continue to be loud. We are in this together, and I love you. And I say that, and I don't mean that in a fluffy, wispy kind of way. I mean that from the core of my existence, which you know. I'm non binary, and apparently we don't exist, but I am here and I exist this baby, We exist, baby, Okay, And I love you.
I love you. I love you from my bones. I love you, Okay. And I hope to be able to continue to create these safe spaces for us to commune and feel seen and feel heard and feel loved, feel validated. You belong here, baby, You matter. Okay, Okay, Okay, I love you all right. Now, Now let's get into the let's get into the show. Okay, we need a doorbell. Where's the doorbell? Baby? You know what that means? It is time for a guest. Now, while they get situated,
we'll get our messy. Kiki started with a Hoe manifesto. Repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to that sex is not just about penetration, The audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries. The strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay for it is better to masturbate by myself in peace than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the community say, oh Lujah, I am
so excited to have Griffin Matthews on the show. Actor Griffin Matthews has emerged as one of the most sought after multi hyphen talents today. Matthews has proven that he is an undeniable force, captivating audiences through his scene stealing performances. Best known for portraying fan favorite Shane Evans in HBO Max's Golden Globe and Emmy nominated series of Flight Attendant, he portrayed Bayard rustin Ingenius MLKX, as well as costume
designer Luke Jacobson on Marvel's She Hulk Girl. She'd be working Okay this April, he will start alongside Penn Badgeley in the final season of You on Netflix. Y'all that's my fucking show. Okay. When he's not on screen, he's a real life daddy to his young sons Galileo Love and Apollo Joy. Please, welcome to the show, Griffin Matthews. I was like, I hope it was applause? Was it was silent? Here cricket, it's me and we're gonna put
a flause. We want underscore it. Make it loud, make it extra loud.
EXTU.
We'll make it extra loud, an extra long. Thank you. Keep going. We just started. We just started. Welcome to the su man. Okay, before we get started, I'm gonna give you the messy mandates. You ready, Okay, So things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right to evolve, shift, or change today, tomorrow, ten
years from now. And if during the kiki something feels to personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foosball, which gives us a chance to pause and pivot accordingly or address accordingly. Sound good foosball? Foosball, because why would I ever say foosball? Great? Exactly? So like if you say foosball. That's why I say, if if somebody on this podcast is foosball, something is wrong. Okay, something is incorrect, and so we have to deal with that. Okay, great,
shall we start with a lube breaker. I'm gonna foozball. I mean, it's just soon. It's just there are boundaries around the football. It's just so okay, Okay, will you do a lube breaker? Yes? Do you want to address well, what's the football? Do you want to address this? No?
I just it was you want to practice? It was I needed to practice? Yeah, it was lube breaker foosball?
Okay, got it? Yeah? Okay, So you feel good? Feel great? Look at you.
You look so fancy, you're beautiful.
You don't do this. If I looked like you, I'd have a different career. If I look like you, I'd have a different career. So what are we talking about? Great, we're on the same Let's play a game of Mary block penetration, oral hand stuff.
I'm gonna marry oral.
Oh.
I love that it can never really go wrong. I mean it can, I mean it.
Can, but but for the most most part, if you know what you do it and can never.
Really go wrong, and it's great. And then you don't have to like prep No. I mean, I guess shower, but you don't gotta like douche. I'm gonna block the hands, Okay, yeah, because I don't. I can do that myself.
Te. So you're gonna fuck penetration, Well.
If you're gonna do it, If you're gonna do it's it's the name is right there, it's right there.
So yeah, okay, why not? Okay, I'm with you.
I'm going to I know what you're gonna marry. I'm gonna marry dirty. I'm your I'm gonna marry.
What do you think I'm gonna marry. You're gonna marry penetration. No, oh, reveal a lot, it's heard. How do you know I'm gonna marry uh, penetration, petration? No, No, I'm gonna marry Oral. I'm gonna marry Oral.
Yeah, that's what I said.
And then what and I'm a penetration because sometimes I don't feel like douche, So penetration I said the same thing, saying the same thing. I'm gonna block hand.
I think there's a lion there, but we'll let the viewers decide.
I've seen in the show, I think you're a liar. I'm not lying. I mean, I listen. I love penetration, don't get me wrong, But I feel like I'm more finicky because I don't ever know if I'm in the bottom mood, a top mood, if I want to flip. So I'm just not reliable, which.
Is which I think you're reliable.
Shut up people. Yeah, but I feel like oral. I could always be down, I can always look a dick, I can always eat ass.
It's it's easy.
So I feel like I feel like that's what I would marry. So we said the same thing, we said the same, so roll the tape, sowhere the same. I guess we're the same. Okay, so very block, let's see we're different here. Blindfolds, whips and paddles wow, rope wow, like you know, like like the s and m dom. So are we marrying fucking blocking blindfold whips or paddles rope?
Marry a blindfold?
Oh?
Okay, yeah, that's just it just feels like, you know, good morning, yeah, good good evening.
Honestly, good night, good night.
Yeah, Block, I think I'm gonna block the whipping.
Okay, you know, well you said it like that. You say spanking if it's whooping, you said whipping, and that's slavery. And my ancestors up. And I knew when I wrote that, dad, that you're going to take it here. I said, my girl's going to take it to a dark place. No, yes, I say whipping, and I said whips for spanking. Okay, it's different. We'll play the tape back. I think it was whipping it whips. Yeah, Vincent, when you put this in,
I want you to play it back. Play it back three two one, whip, blindfolds, whips and paddles, wow, rope those we'll hear it. It said whips.
Okay, I don't want anybody whipping me spanky. I don't want if that's my childhood, I don't want anyone spanking me.
I got that, I did many years.
You can reclaim it, okay, okay, never, yeah, I am not ready to reclaim.
That's what sign. I'm gonna let you be. I'na let you be. So you're blocking the and so you're gonna you're gonna fuck a rope a rope? Wow, your voice went it did? I went, I'm a dad.
I don't know why I said, it like wow, and I've never really had a rope.
I was really turned on by that. Okay it was yeah, titalating, titillating.
Yeah, okay, I never had that.
I have never, but I want to. So I would suck a rope. I would marry uh a paddle? You would, I would marry Ooh No, I don't want to be spanked. You want to be spanked like that? You're right, You're right, right, I see. I would block the blindfold because that to me just bored. I'm a little ward.
Yeah.
I love it. When I toursted it, I loved it, But now I'm like, what else is there? And I actually love like I need I want to see you could. I would actually prefer to be tied up then to not be able to see.
I don't want anyone tying me up, even though, like I mean, I'm up for it. I said i'd do it. But that's a lot of true trust.
Yeah, well, presumably this is somebody you trust. I wouldn't let you tie yourself up with.
Somebody that I didn't know. Have you done it?
What's somebody I didn't know? Foosball? No, no, no, no. When it comes to like the ropes in the spaking. When it comes to like more kinkyr things, I much. I prefer to like know the person. So if anything happens, you know, I like to fight.
Yeah, that's I've heard some stories and I like to fight.
I'm from New York and I like to I want to know where you are so I can get the family together to come get you. I get it. Okay, last one, fuck with your block or I don't know if it was the last one. We'll see how we we edit this. The next one is, come on your chest, come on your face, come on your throat. You're licking your top lip in such a way because so early.
It's so early, and you went straight for it.
For the listeners at home, it's not even eleven am and we're recording this on a two Tuesday, it's wow. Your your Apple watch has diamonds on it. Well, you know that's crazy. Okay, So anyways, fuck Mary Block, Come on your chest, come on your face, come down your throat.
Merry chest, Harry chest.
I love it.
I like a furry chest. By the way, Oh, okay, thanks for telling us.
I don't know why I just said. You don't know why that was the reveal. Do you see what it is? It's like you start to feel a little safer. You start to crack open. Where's this going to go? If this is the top of the episode, where's this going? Who knows? I'm excited to find out.
I'm gonna block. I'm gonna block my face.
Okay, you do have a pretty face, and you really like your face. I have hair.
I want it in my hair. It's so expensive. People don't know how expensive this really is. And so your eyes, it's not close your eyes. Please do never look at dick in its eye unless you want to get it.
I don't suggest it. Don't look at dick in its eye unless you want to get it. Ty yeah, team that is. That is your next mersion. Absolutely when I was in high school. I learned this in high school because one of my best friends in high school was giving her boyfriend at the time a blue job, and then he came in her eye and she had.
What you mean she had to go to the emergency room.
Maybe she had, and she came to school an eye patch. Honey.
She was captain hook baby. That was she was out of commission. It was an item.
She was out of commission. When she came to school, I said, girl, what's going on with the eye. She told everybody else it was like pink eye or something, but then she told me the real t. I was like, you can't look at it in.
His eye, honey.
She had a full patch. She had a full pant. Okay, so sorry, you're gonna marry on the chest. You're gonna block on the face, You're gonna suck the throat. Te I love that. I'm going to marry the throat. I knew what you say, because you're dirty. Dirty. I want it in one of my holes and I want it inside me, period. I love. I love baby juice. Sorry, good morning, I going to I'm going to fuck come on my face, honestly, because I don't mind you have a beard. I have a beard. I wash it out.
I washed my face after sex anyway, so and then put and well, it depends, but I actually use the topicals. Topical says this because Topicals is made for for those of us with melaned skin, so that it's really good for hyper pigmentation. And they have a moisturizer called butter that I highly recommend anyways, Um, and that means I'm blocking the chest because you know what I mean, it's fine. It's boring to you. It's not boring. It's like it's like I'm gonna have to clean up anyway, so you might.
As well get it on your beard, get it in my face?
Yeah, it isn't. Why would it be on It doesn't have to be on the I mean you could. It's gonna be on the bed. That's kind of but that's hot to me. Your little cum drizzle on your beard is really sexy to me. And I got this black beard, so it's like this white com it's hot. Take a photo. My mother can never see this show. Oh. I make it a point to send these two people's mothers. Yeah, okay, I sent a private link to your immediately and we can talk about after. Anyways, you won the game? Did I? You?
Did you win? My unconditional love patrons. If you have any prompts or game ideas or messy stories, you can always email me at tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, Griffin.
You need a radio show that was really great.
Okay, I'm speaking of which, tell me something messy.
Oh my god, wow, this is something I heard.
That's fine.
I had a friend.
Uh huh are you still friends? Because you said I had. After I tell this story, we went not Alias is no name. Yeah, what should we call this friend?
Dave?
Dave? Okay, I love that, Like from Wendy's. Yeah, Wendy's. Let's call him Dave from Wendy's.
Dave went to a lunch, a lunch, that's important. Dave went to a lunch. It's daytime, okay, great. Dave went to a lunch to meet his friend's new boyfriend. Okay, and Dave hat like a lovely restaurant and in, you know, a lovely place. I almost gave the city. So Dave went to the bathroom and at the top of the lunch and met a very beautiful Latin man, which I understand. They're beautiful. And it was like a one one room bathroom. So I met the guy. He was coming out of athroom,
Dave was goingroom. Yeah, it's like you know, at a restaurant. It's like a high brow restaurant.
And Dave.
They exchanged numbers and.
I thought that was okay. Between the bathroom.
Yeah, they were the ones coming in one's going out, and they were like Hi, Hi, hey, which I love.
I love that I'm not. I'm not.
I have you never? That girl literally never happened to me.
That's so sexy though, So I was happy.
For Dave and then Dave. Dave went to the bathroom, came out, and sat down for the lunch, and somewhere in the middle of lunch, Dave gets a text and the text is from the Lovely Latin Mask. Okay, it was a singular text, ok one line, come to the bathroom. I want to know how your whole smells.
I was already. I wasn't ready. I was already. That is oddly so I was expecting. I don't know if I was expecting something more graphic or less graphic. But that is so graphic and also so sweet. I was sweet. I was expecting.
I want to can you believe?
Believe me what dogs do?
This is literally what my I love that Dave get up and goes to the lunch.
If I got that message, I would leave the lunch too. I would. I would have burned my phone.
But Dave, Dave and all of his adventure got up and went back to the bathroom and let that man smell his hole. So they go in there and they do their thing. I think someone knocked, which is how it kind of ends.
Because only one stall.
It's one stall. And then it gets better. Then the guy says to Dave, take off your underwear and give it to me.
Oh my god, I want this to happen to me.
I don't want this.
And what does Dave do. He has to get off. He took his under.
Sweetly.
It gets better, Oh my god.
So Dave starts washing his hands and he turns around and the guy is in the corner going like.
This, oh oh.
And all of a sudden, it's a horror film. All of a sudden, it's a Ryan Murphy series. For me, it was the way he looked, and Dave was like, I had to get.
Out of there with my life. Thank god it was daytime, because if that had been night.
That's that is a plot twist, a plot.
Twist of the actual That is a plot twist. I mean, it's a lunatic thing to do.
I thought it was a lunacy for me.
It was too far. The whole thing was too far for me. I well, listen, you have listen. We have listened, we have pushed your we've expanded, which you find to be acceptable for yourself. And you've come a long way. You know I have. I know you have. I'm not can't one day though you might be, and I look forward to that day.
I don't know if I'm taking off my underwear.
I think you might. I think one day. I have faith that one day you might. Now I will agree that I don't if I took off my underwear that you should like look me in the eye and start smelling. It's the man. It's something that like it depends on the vibe maybe, like maybe if we're switching underwears and we're both doing it there in exchange exchange of under white elephants. Something classic the exchange.
It was that like my under was expensive, like I've not given period, you know what I mean?
It's venmo me, I just what is it? What is it? Hit my cash app like that?
That was I went to a store and I had to do one at a time, not in the pack. It didn't come in a pack. It was one at a time. Your undies. How much that cost?
That's so cap recorded? How much did they call? How much did they call?
This? The rest of the story, Because you're like, wait, maybe you can't give away.
I started doing math Wow, that was messy.
I thought, that is messy with no judgment, with no judgment, no judgment.
It was Luden Tech. It was the guy, not Dave. It was the guy. Listen. That is that is a that is for for the first time. That is a moment unless, like I don't know, unless you have like an underwear kinking, you get that and you're like, because you know people do I've had people say that, you know, they'll send their coming jocks to somebody. You know that, you know that people people like, people like their underwear like to smell. I think I would just have waited
to smell. That was if I had a note for the for the noteback to the guy, I would say, wait till Dave left the man that part, or give Dave your I would you know, for.
Give Dave a Venmo underwear, but yeah, you can cash up Dave cash. Dave is still waiting for the cash. By the way, I don't think so happy.
And Dave had his whole smell. I wish somebody would message me, come to the bathroom, let me smell your whole. I'm saying I might taxt that to somebody.
Here's the thing that would be an okay, message to send. I don't know if I'm gonna to actually get it out and get out in the middle of a lunch.
That's kind of hot though. Okay, thank you for that. Oh that means it's time for messy mail. Are you ready? I don't know if I'm ready.
I don't know if I.
Messy PAGs have submitted their mail and we're gonna remain anonymous. Don't you worry. You know how we do it here. Okay. This one says I went to a masked orgy in a manner this weekend and lost my underwear. Oh my god. Yeah, with people in their underwear. I love this. It's expensive. It is expensive, but that's why I don't necessarily wear my expensive underwear to the sex. Baar enough. You gotta go to H and M. You gotta go r H and M.
There's packs twenty five pairs and you and then you lose those.
You can lose those. That's interesting, So I wear well one. I would go to these parties in like a jock strap or a thought, and I'm less Yeah, I'm less sensitive about my jock shops. They also they can I feel like I feel like I'm investing in losing them. You know what I'm saying, because wow, because if I get a jockstrap and I lost it, I had a good time.
It's like a door fee. You just pay the fee at the door and you realize, I don't know what I'm coming out with.
Because hopefully, if I lost my jockstrap, it means that I got sucked down. I was fucking down. I was so in the pleasure event that I lost my and that's okay, I'll get a new jock trip. Yeah, I've never been to one of these. You have ever been to a sex party?
No?
Not this?
I uh, I think you're lying.
Well, well, I know I went to a club in New York City with a friend and I didn't know what. Honestly, I'm such a Christian. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know where I was going. I'm I'm just such a christ such a Christian.
Not okay, I know I've been a church in years. I didn't know where I was going. You know me, I'm going to the game out. Oh yeah, because you're always I give My girl is in my hoodie right now as we're recording. But she came in in a different out. She always has listen and a look. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm not trying to lose it. No, yeah you can't. You can't wear what you wear to the sex party. Yeah, you gotta wear the sweats and the things that you can lose.
I wouldn't know that because I've never been, so imagine me surprise shocked.
Mind, I tell you, he also didn't know.
Oh you ran into others. We were at another gay bar in New York. I mean we I didn't know. So we met some friends from college and then I went to a place. Yeah apparently I didn't talking about allegedly. Yes, so yes, I wow shocked. I got shocked.
Yeah, I went so my very first time going. It was with two of my best friends, and they took me to the Eagle. It took me to the place the Bird, the Bird, the Bird, and upstairs was like where all the freezings were happening, and I got my whole life. Now I have been there, your whole life, my whole Hlney. And sometimes I've been there and it's too many people, actually, like it's actually too many people
to enjoy it. But the first time I went, it was very enjoyable and I'll never forget walking by this very tall like I have a problem with tall boys. So I walked by this very tall, bearded like kind of Viking vibe six three man, and we locked eyes and then he took me to the corner and I let him. I'm no longer Christian, You're no longer You're on the other side. Jesus saw it and said, that's not one of mine. That's not my soldier. But give me Father, I have taken a load. Okay. This one
says God, Oh this is fun. I love that. Okay. The reason I'm picking some of these is because Griffin historically doesn't you know, he gets squeamish around the sexy things too, but he likes it. I do, you do? I'm learning, so we expand together. Yeah. Originally, tiers Ty, Originally there was a moment in time where we thought that Griffin and I might co host the show together.
And then you, when you run away, you sold it and sold me down the river.
And here I am. I did target so dark kids so much. No, you're fancy and you live in Spain. Now get a fuck out of here. Okay. So this one says, got throat pied so deep that I didn't even know he came until I burped come.
Later, I am going to die. First of all, I was like, what's throat? In case you're wondering, So this was the show that we were gonna host. When you were going to say that, and then I was going to say, I don't even know what that you're.
The novice hall professional hall. Yeah, yeah, like you know, like like coming down your throat like you know, like cream pied but throw pie.
I'm gonna drink some water. You do that because my system needs to reboot.
Have you never you've swallowed a load?
I'm gonna scream.
Okay, Well, I he said, I didn't even know he came until it's the burn part. I don't know what to do about. Because one thing I'll say is I if somebody comes, I feel like you feel bad unless you're like you think it's saliva or you're like, you know when somebody and also like coum has a taste to it. Hopefully sometimes it tastes bad, but usually had it doesn't taste like saliva. But maybe you're so in
it that needs to do some more. When he said burna When he said burn, come, I do like it immediately elicits like an animation of like a bubble of come coming out of your mouth and then pop it. I need a.
I need a pepto B what's back? There is there a kitchen here?
Like you know, I always have gas eggs in my bag. You never know what apparently not a little guess a little moodium always in the bag. Well, uh, I've swallowed before, I've never come although I wonder what.
That I Yeah, next one, move on, move on? Oh my god, this is so this is what I was gonna do on your show. I was just gonna make Brendon move on, keep going because wrap.
That up, because this is too much. Keep going. This one says, bought all my abusive excess web domains, including the one in use deleted the websites. That is messy and I'm actually I love it. Oh yes, I'm actually for it. I'm abusive excess and any I mean, like, you know, I want you to beat your heeled self and to be like I don't give a fuck about them. But you know, it takes a bridge to get there. And I feel like that's a good bridge. And I
feel like that's a good bridge. Yeah, I love like you know, not too harmful, just like you know, fuck up, you should a little bit, keep a movment.
I like enacting revenge sometimes sometimes I rarely ever do it, ever do it. But there is a reason that it exists.
And that's right. There is a release. Sometimes you need a little release. Sometimes I don't want you to harm nobody, but you know, you let them know they with the wrong one. That's that you got the wrong one. You got the wrong one. That is the right day, on the right day. You got the wrong one of the right day. But I love that phrase, this is the right day.
I'm getting your domains because that's also that takes work.
Administ I love it. Yes, yes, so that's work. And you're not doing that on your phone. You have to be your laptop. There is ah, there is stop. You have to be there. So I love that.
And there might be a little microphonecus you got somebody on the line and you're texting your bestie.
Yeah, text support. Yes, I like it. I do like it. You know, if there was, if there was a revenge, this is a good one to do. So kudos to you, patron. We support you very much. Okay, this is this one says did you ever have sexual experiences with women before you came out? Is that a question or that's a question for me? Or no? No, gold star? What does gold star mean? I've never done that? Got it? I don't know why we call it a gold stars gold starr.
But isn't it gold star?
I guess they say that, that's what they say. They say that, But I actually this actually may be a good moment because I think we have to look it up because I think that gold star. Somebody once told me there was something like like does that put a value on not being with a woman or not? Like I'm not sure, there's some I don't know.
Sure, I'll take the value because I've never done it. Okay, that's okay, it's okod for me. Okay, listen, I'll take a value.
I'll take the gold star. I deserve a gold You observe a gold star for any reason you would like, that's it. You're because you're fabulous and your Apple watch has diamonds on it. So I never did that. I have you like, you've never made out with the Yeah, no, I had.
I had girlfriends and any like oral play any no, no, Because I was a Christian, you see and that's the that's what. It's a great way to just you know what.
I don't know if Jesus would want this, So we're gonna stop right here. Christian Andrew's a great cover. If your it was my favorite cover to play with boys or girls. If you're okay, you need an answer, did you I have I've never I've never had penetration. This is actually a fun time to express this. I did for a long time in like college, and I would say, oh, I had sex with a girl once in high school because I went high school and boarding in Georgia boarding school,
so no one, no one knew that life. So I never said a person and every but I would, I would say that I, you know, had sex with the girl because there was something about there was a lot of shame, I guess around not having had sex with the woman, and and the shame around even when I came out like there was still like a a trail of shame and something about saying I slept with a woman once. In my mind, Jaika did like somehow validated
you validated me in a way. And now I'm so not happy to say, but like I'm fine to say I've never slept with a woman. I've had oral sex, and you know, I love I one thing about me, I do love titties, so I love I love breasts, and I love pecks, so I always, I always loved sucking on a nipple. I don't know what it is for me, but but no, I but that's the extent of it. I had a couple of girlfriends. I did have a couple of girlfriends in high school, and I've
cooked up with a couple of girls in college. But I've never had penetrative sex with a woman. Uh, and maybe I will one day. I don't know.
See the thing is, let's talk about it, Okay, is this a reveal?
Well, the reveal is that I'm curious about what I would be into, or what I would identify as if I was raised in a way that said it doesn't matter, girl, like do whatever you want. Like if if we didn't have to pick labels and we didn't have to whatever, if it was kind of like, oh, we are people and you're were sexual beings, and like, I feel like perhaps there would be more or less rigidity. I think
I think there's already on the whole journey. I think already loosened what my quote unquote preferences or types are, and that has expanded wildly. But but I do wonder across gender as well.
I mean I would I have tried and would date a trans guy? Yeah right, Yeah, that that doesn't scare me at all? Yeactually so I yeah, I get it. I and I feel the same way. If I had not been forced to get into a box, I think that I would have probably had experiences that I didn't have.
Yeah, probably more pan sexual than anything. I think.
I think this generation behind us, I think they're doing Oh.
My god, I'm inspired, honestly. Same. Okay, this one says, in a marriage and we haven't had sex in five years, he refuses to find ways to help am. My affair is now ghosting. Get the tissues? Where the tissues? We're the tissues. They're over there too far. That is well, I mean, listen, not having sex in five years is
hard and rough. But I think what's sadder is the refusing to help find ways, Like when you're with a partner who's not and for there are many reasons, but who's not interested in talking about it or figuring it out, which then leads to this affair which you know, if the fair you know, I'm I'm not pro having an affair thing, you know, you want things to be out
in the open. But if the affair is now ghosting, honestly, I would take that as a universal omen and sign to address what's happening in the marriage and make some decisions there, whether it's to stay with that person or leave. But like, let the affair, you know, let's that person, because that's about secrecy and that there's unrest in that. There's a lot of harm and hurt in that. But address what's going on in the marriage itself.
Well, I think this person starts with there with a partner that refuses to talk. Because I've learned in my many years of therapy, you also hold the responsibility as well because you're refusing to talk as well. If there's an affair, you're not talking, So you gotta also look at yourself and go, well, what am I not saying?
Was sorry? I'm sorry? Never really got Wow, if you're having an affair, you're also not talking.
Also not talking, you're participating.
Griffin, who's your therapist, she's.
Wow, yeah, damn, So we're gonna send love to this person. But it's time to talk. Yeah, say all the things you need to say? Ugh, the things?
Okay, how do you begin speak? I mean, the thing is, it's scary to begin speaking. But maybe that's part of it, to know and accept that it will be scary and uncomfortable and that there might be rejection on the other side of saying your truth. But at least you will have said the thing and you both can deal with Nick.
Yeah, it's out in the open now. So when it's not out in the open, it is in the dark. And I don't know many things that grow in the dark.
So you just came here to preach. Honey, she's a Christian, right, I'm a Christian? Yes, absolute episode, I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian.
Oh God, it's a great title. Everyone will be like, what's this? This is awesome brand?
M hm.
Okay, this one says last year. This is a longer one, so we can really get in. Last year, my husband of ten years and I got divorced. We have three kids together, so it will always be part of each other's lives as we intend to copair it. But I'm struggling with how to begin dating again. What happens when he starts stating which I think he has and what
I ultimately want this next chapter to look like. I think after a year now, I'm ready to thinking about my future and maybe it includes someone, but also maybe it's just me. I'm forty four, though, and I can't play the games. I don't know what my question is, but maybe you have some encouragement on starting my post divorce ho journey. Do you want to get in?
I'm is this the start?
This is the start?
I know exactly what this person's going through. Yeah, it's really hard to separate and start your life over, certainly at forty four and certainly have kids.
And what I will say is it is a.
Leap off the bridge. You're just you gotta jump. And I had a lot of friends around me who helped me to jump.
Wait, give us the context.
Yeah, I also have been separated from my husband for several years at this point, and we're co parenting. We have two beautiful children. And when I found myself single at forty years old with two kids, babies, and my therapist put me on RAYA. You're ya, my therapist.
Your therapist took your phone and started an app for you.
My therapist took my phone and then gave me the referral because you have to be referred Ya got it, and then said it's time to go to the buffet.
Yeah, I really love you. I really love your therapist. She's everything.
She's really everything's down and the buffet was totally scary. But she was like, you have to get to know what you like. You don't even know what you like. I was in relation for sixteen years, so I didn't I missed all the dating. I didn't know how to swipe, and and she said, go to the buffet and see what you like, and if you find yourself, we're gonna follow your actions. If we find that you are continually going back to the sushi, it means we need to look there.
Ah.
But if you have the sushi enough for me, and then you have the lasagna, Okay, I'm gonna try something else. Then you have to kind of see what you're attracting. Yes, and then you have to see what you're attracted too. And so I will say to this person the first couple, when I look back at it, the first couple of months that I started dating, I was attracting very very messy men, and I was just talking about it in therapy, and then he did this and then he was oh.
And then I had a revelation one day and I went, is it me?
Who am I? The am I attracted drama? It was me? It was really, is it me? And she was like yes, that light voice. Yes, she was like waiting for you to ask a question.
Yeah, she got me. And then the other thing that happened is I was saying, I want a CEO. I want a CEO. I want an older man who's a CEO, and that's what I need to steady my life. And I was saying it for weeks as I was not finding any CEOs.
There are nowhere to be found. Wherever they are.
Tim cook, baby, he's cooking. He's not on Riah on Riya. And so I said, I want a CEO and I need someone who's got their life together and is stable and you know. And she said to me, Griffin, maybe you already are the CEO. And I hung up the call and I said, don't talk to me, and I hung up the call.
Hold on, maybe you already are.
I don't know why she's not writing one. If you're listening, and I'm sure she is. You got to write the book. Gagged me. Maybe you already are the seed.
You are what you're looking for. You're like looking for yourself.
I was looking for myself, and once I realized that I was the CEO, then I it expanded what I was available to let in because then I wasn't looking for the thing that I already am.
I was.
I was, you know, on a deeper level, trying to find myself. And that was a way that I found myself. I went, oh, I am the CEO, So now what do I need? What do I want to add to my life?
Look at you an eel.
I don't think you should.
It's great.
Don't look at me. I don't look at it sometimes because you're cooking.
Because you're cooking, you're preaching I need you to cook. No.
So this person, it's a very long journey. You were a part of a lot of it. You were around for the mess that I was. I wore my messy sweatpants every single day I would wear an airport. People would stop me in the airport like, whereould get your sweats? I was like, so, my friend is so messy and has a little clothing line. But I gave myself permission to be a mess. And she that was the other thing she said to me. She said, One day I came in. I was weeping.
Yeah.
Right, it's a very scary journey, especially when there are kids, because you are not just taking care of yourself, you're taking care of them. And I came in and I was weeping, and I said, this.
Is not me. My friends come to me for everything, they want my advice. I am the wrop up our friendship. I cannot be this.
And she said, Griffin, maybe it's your turn. Why does she saying so, it's the way she says it, it's screamed at me.
Maybe it's your You know, I will understand that. When she whispers, she knows you need to lean in. She meets you at the level you're not going to hear it so bad.
Maybe it's your turn, She was like, all the years that you've been doing it for your friends, maybe it's your turn to be a mess and let your friends hold you through it. And I I, you know, I cried harder. Of course, I was so angry with her. I was actually angry when she said it, because we have labels of who we are and what our position is in the group.
She's compromising.
That my label. And then once I went, oh, it's my turn. I started telling my friends. I was like, it's my turn to be a mess, and they were like.
Yeah, go, let's do this.
And I found myself at tables and public crying and carrying on, and I was.
Like, yeah, we had my one of my best friends, Chelsea, was on. It was the very first episode and we talked about her divorce and one of the things that she said is learned to ask for help. That that is like the most humbling part of going through the divorce and life after is how do you ask your friends for help? I have this thing and I've said it where I also had for a long time the identity of the strong friend, the friend that you come to,
but I would never go to others. And I said this in that episode and I'll continue to say it. My godfather said to me it was like after I broke up with my abusive X and I wasn't, you know, between homes and wasn't talking to my mom and just like things were crumbling. It was just like not a good time. And he said, where are your friends? And this is an older gay man, so I think that.
You know, when we talk about friends as queer folks, we're talking about family, talking about your chosen family, your people, And I said, oh, you know. He's like, well do they do they come to you when they're in distress. I said, yeah, yeah, and I never have a problem. I'm always there for them. He said, but you don't go to them. I said, no, Well that's manipulatives, Like, that's manipulation.
Rude, rude.
Maybe we were eating steak and fries and he was paying for I said, let me finish the steak and the fries. You come to me like this, I mean, he's for a free food and Ali because that garlic aoli on that steak with everything with the butter, with the garlic butter. Don't play with me.
Uncle.
Godfather's really coming left. So he said, that's manipulation. And I really understood that, because you're keeping yourself looking perfect and fine and strong when really you're not. And honestly, I'll say it till I'm blue in the face, which will be really hard because this dark skin won't get blue my fast, okay, Which is that your friends are
for those moments. We are for the hard moments in fact, it's probably yes, we're here for for you know, brunch tables and dance floors and good times and laughter and whatever. But when you are on the floor broken, that's not You're not supposed to that by yourself. I didn't know that. Yeah, a lot of us don't know that.
I think relationships are built in the fire.
They're not.
It's easy to have a relationship when it's when you're lovable and you're the most lovable. I'm the most lovable, yes, but I was not lovable. And what I will tell you is my circle got so small.
Yeah.
The people that were there to watch may be the worst, which also was the best version of myself. Are that I now know where we're at.
You were the most lovable in that moment. No, honestly, it's like in that moment, you're the most lovable because you're the most vulnerable. That's it, and so it But it does really clarify who are my people, that's it? And who's going to be here to be in the fire with me? Who's going to walk through this fire with me? And you get really clear do you like you? When you have upset like this, you really get clear about who your people are and everybody is not your people.
You could be nice and key key and you know, hang out with everybody, but everybody is not to go through the fire with you.
You know what else was shocking is who showed up. It's really shocking. Yeah, yeah, I The other thing that I would say to this person too, is like I had to get a whole new set of friends, not because my old friends weren't there, but because I needed to sort of start to separate my life that I could have my friends, yeah, and my people. And so I have a whole new set of friends. So at forty, when you see those memes on Instagram, say you haven't
met everybody, You don't even you have met everybody. People came out of the woodwork and literally held me, people that didn't know me. And I was like, all of a sudden, this is one of my closest friends ever. Yeah, and you're one of those people I am. We had so many lunches and so many lunches and hang outs and and I think I was coming to you for permission. I kept coming to you.
You were you are unhinged, You're.
Human, and something in my messy space was still needing permission to be unhinged. Yeah, because I'm so hinged. Yeah right, So I think I sort of locked arms with you because I was like, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm totally interested.
Yes, because yeah, I get. I think the reason you and I clicked so quickly and easily to the point where we were like, let's what we host this podcast together is because I understand that that hinge place I my my uh worth has often been tied up in how much on the hinge I am, how perfect I can be, how good I can be, how strong I can be, and that shit is suffocating, And all it takes is an upset and a real relationship, whether that
is romantic or familial, a platonic. All it takes is for like something important to you, like to lose that person, to have to grieve something, to mourn something, to really undo the perfection. You just can't be that. But it's confusing because it's what you know how to be, but like your body isn't allowing you to be that, and so you continue to try and fit this thing that you aren't and it's not gonna hold you. Perfection is
never gonna hold you. Messiness will right, Like, be allowing yourself to be messy, be unhinged as you heal is what's gonna ultimately take you the furthest and I feel I felt like I did feel like you needed that permission, and if it was just fairly, if it was if it was simply to be the friend who starts talking about come coming out of my nose, just so you go, how I I'm doing well.
I was also using it to be like, see I'm okay, okay, Brandon said something inappropriated. I'm okay, That's what I was doing.
Come out of the nose. I'm doing fine. I'm a great dad. I'm a great dad. Absolutely that's what I was doing. Absolutely, Absolutely, here's your friend to be like, oh, I'm doing that right, Yes, absolutely, And so it's so Tea. I think that when you start and I think that you know, relationships ending, whatever relationship it is, or when it needs to end, or when you're before it is about to end, there's a lot of questions that you're asking.
And I think when you start to ask, when you start to be really truthful, you can't unsee and you can't unknow, right, which then means and this is what I think, which then means that things around you begin to implode because you're asking for the truth, and so then the truth reveals that all these things don't quite align, and then it starts to feel harder to stomach them, and so then they crumble. And I think you have to allow yourself to go through and this is for anything.
Go through the crumbling or through the fire, and then be willing to allow the new truths to reveal themselves, the new blueprint to reveal itself. But to your advice, it's like, you can't worry about two years from now. You have to actually be in the wilderness, be in the dark, in the middle of that forest, and take the next step. You can't see the whole thing, you can't see the whole trail. It's just about the next step. And you might be in that wilderness for quite some time.
You'll be in it longer if you're not willing to be in the wilderness.
And that is tea. If you are fighting against being there, you will be there forever. But if you can surrender to it and say, this will be uncomfortable, and I will need to wail, and I will need to call my friends, and I will need to date a bunch of people who hate the CEO, and I will need to go to like I'll need to do all these things. And you accept that it's going to crumble, then you can make space for it to also rebuild, to build something new. I love it.
Accept those two.
Thank you so much, Griffin.
I love I love you. Yeah, perfectly.
Bye, baby.
You know we're hose here, but hose with heart. So before we go, I would like to speak to yours, my good Christian friend, Griffin Matthews. Y'all, I hope you're as obsessed with him as I am. I mean, the truth that he was dropping, the truth bombs left and right were just incredible and overwhelming and just resonated. But before I actually give you some of those reflections, I did want to come back and talk about gold Star Gay.
And I was like, I'm not sure if it's offensive and we just know, and so I wanted to do my little research and come back at the end and
follow up. And here is what a little Google search told me, which is GoldStar is considered offensive by many within the LGBTQ plus community because it implies a hierarchy within sexual orientation, suggesting that some people are more gay quote unquote than others based on their sexual history, often excluding bisexual people and those with more complex identities, and can be seen as perpetuating harmful stereotypes about sexuality. Essentially,
it is considered exclusionary and potentially by phobic. So I was like, oh, because I remember years ago saying the term, and somebody I believe it was I'm seeing or remembering a feminine or female presence who had just was like, that's not that's not correct. So I'm glad we can check it, and here's here's I intentionally didn't have that at edit it out because part of being messy is getting things wrong. Right. We are here to learn and
to grow. Obviously, in context of how it was said, you could hear that there was no intent of offense, so it felt safe to keep in and use for a follow up. And so that's why I didn't have it removed from the episode, because I wanted us to be able to talk about it for real and have a messy learning moment, a moment of growth and a moment of expansion. Babe, I just want to say this in this space of liberation, in this whole journey, we
are all going to get things wrong. And I think that this is a moment for me to highlight that, which is the sooner that you can accept that you might get something wrong, the sooner you can show up better, the sooner you can be less harmful. I think that we attach our worth to being right and getting things right. We attach our worth to being perfect, and so when that is challenged, when there's a possibility that we can be wrong or imperfect, we tense up. We can be defensive,
we can be dismissive, which I'm not. That's not obviously happening in this space. I mean, the show is called tell me something Messy. The whole thing here is to be messy and to not be perfect. But that's that is what I really want to highlight for us, is that it is okay if we mess up. Sometimes people mess up my pronouns, that's okay. I know your intention and you correct it. Right. Sometimes we mess things up. We get things wrong about people or about concepts, theories,
ideas facts. We get things wrong, and by facts I'm putting out in quotes like that we perceived as facts right, Like yeah, I'm sure you can think of a time that you thought, oh, this is one hundred percent true, and then you know, with a little more information, you're like, oh, that's okay, that's not wrong. That's not true at all. That wasn't affect at all. All right, So those things we can get things wrong. Yeah, and so when that happens,
we get to say, damn, I got that wrong. We can repair that rupture and we can learn and do better and move forward. So do not get scared about getting things wrong. Don't be scared about not knowing. Lean into that's You're human, we're imperfect. We're gonna get things wrong. We're gonna be messy, and that's okay. Yeah, all right, what else? All right? So things that I learned from my gorgeous, good Christian friend. Maybe you are the CEO and you are what you're looking for. I cannot. I
want to scream that. I want to write it in the sky. I want to you know, just put that in everybody's mental inbox. Sometimes we are not Sometimes a lot of times, especially when we're dating, we are always looking to be completed. We are looking outside of ourselves to be completed. Baby, you have everything that you need.
You are a whole person. And you know, I've talked about this and it's something that when Matthew and I first met, we you know, I stated on the table, which I believe is from Mastery of Love, which is the concept of you are two whole people, not two halves. Like I'm not being completed by this other person. I want a whole person to show up. I want to be a whole person that shows up. Now, listen, when I say a whole person, it doesn't mean that you're
completely healed and completely perfect. It just means you know who you are and how to stand with who you are so that when you're in a relationship, you do not lose yourself. I believe firmly ten toes down that in a partnership we are expanding together. That a partnership is an extension of who you are, not a completion of who you are. Because many people don't want to
be in a relationship, and that's also fucking valid. Okay, if you are single and want to stay single and are enjoying your singlehood, that is also valid and a wonderful way to live. Our society really puts, you know, couples up on a pedestal as if like that is the most important relationship and it's not your community, as Belle Hooks so brilliantly states, your community is the most
important relationship. And so in the seeking a partner, make sure you remember that maybe you're what you're looking for, and start with yourself. Start with holding yourself as the motherfucking ceoh okay, and then you can attract the right partners who can expand who you are, not complete who you are. Lean on your friends. I've said this, you know, I'm gonna say this as on as many episodes as it comes up on as many times as I need to, which is, you know, your friends are not just for
bunch tables and dance floors. They are there for you to break go through the fire with them, okay, and find out who your people really are, you know, if you are in crisis, if you are as you know, like literally with the Los Angeles wildfires and with this new presidency, people are in crisis. Yeah, And so lean on people. You do not need to be the strong one. You can break. Sometimes you can be the strong one, and sometimes you are the quote unquote weak one. And
I want to say about that. You are lovable in your weakness. Your weakness is actually vulnerability, and vulnerability is brave. We are trained to believe that weakness somehow makes us less than and I want to interrupt that. I want us to rewrite that and redefine that weakness. Being broken if you will, and being able to say that is vulnerable and it's brave. I always think when people say I don't know, I don't know what to do, I don't know who I am, I don't know and I
know where. I know that for them, the space is challenging. But I always think that that is so beautiful because it means that there are so many possibilities. If you can voice I don't know, the world opens up. When you have to know no no, you have to be strong, strong, strong. You can't grow, you can't expand you can't attain, you can't attract, you can't transform because you know no, no, no,
no right. But when you don't know, there is to me an opportunity to release, to surrender, to flow, and to allow the answers to reveal themselves else to you. It's not easy. That sounds so pretty. That sounded pretty as fuck. Okay, that sounded ooh, that sound as so lovely. That's not as so poetic. It is not really a hard thing to do, but that is what I think.
Using your energy to exist in that space which is allowing you to be truthfully where you are as opposed to lying to yourself, because that line is going to, as Griffin said, it's going to keep you in that wilderness longer. The sooner you can say the truth, the sooner you can relax, the sooner you can get out of the wilderness. Don't resist a baby, Okay, be messy, be unhinged, and allow yourself to heal. Ooh baby, I love you so much. You can find me on substack
and I really hope you subscribe again. You can subscribe for free. You can also become a paid subscriber. It's Brandon called Goodman dot substack dot com. Also the Merch Drop our Messy fundraiser just really engaging our community, our messy community to help support others. So you can find that at Brandoncalgoman dot com, backslash merch Okay, yes, yes, you can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon
Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcasts at tell Me Something Messy and you can join our community on the Messy Mondays substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also, I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also call us at six six nine sixty nine Messy That is six six nine six nine six three seven seven nine.
Rate review and share this podcast with all your hoe and aspiring hoe friends. Really really helps the show out, all right, Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick before you make it spit, make sure they eat the kitty before they beat the kitty, before fucation or succation. Communication. And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you are so deeply loved. I love you, ye, thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to
someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly. Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network. Visit the iHeartRadio app, or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.