LOL- Confounding

Welcome to teen Girl Talk.

Teen Girl Talk.

I'm Susie Cota, I'm Frankingcota, and this week we are talking.

About Well l Well, a remake of a French film, but this one's starring Mally Sarrus and hang on, Suzzy, I have to I'm getting a lot of text messages that just say hug with like a thousand parentheses around it.

Frank, I'm not sure why you chose to do this to me. I want to take this moment to really repent for all my sins, because I must have done something really terrible. I was one of the many things I bring up all the time, like that time I eat your sandwich twenty years ago, yes, or the.

Time you dumped sod on me when I started a half.

Hour twenty five years ago.

Yeah, it's really funny in retrospect. So I just wanted to do Molly Sawyer's Month. It was it was between this so Undercover We're going in next week or the Hannah Montana movie. I didn't have the lore for Hannah Montana, so I went with this.

What about the one where her dad's Greg Kinnear and they she's like obsessed with saving sea turtles.

I don't know that one, but I kind of want to do that instead of so un to cover Morley Cyrus.

It's she's in it with Liam Hemsworth. I think they ended up getting together after that movie.

I'll look into this. I'm just gonna look at Molly Sawyer's Turtle movie.

Well it's more like.

The last song.

Yeah, oh for sure, for sure.

Okay, we're doing that. Well do we want to do this? Because the scenes is slocky asn't the thing we did today?

I do want to do it just because, Uh, one of my favorite FuG the fromage from Go FuG Yourself, a website.

That I was really into like fifteen years ago. Watch that, and uh, I've always been interested to watch the actual movie because they consistently comment on how badly Miley's hair was styled. It is styled, very greasy looking throughout the whole film. I thought her hair looked great in Little Demi Moore looks amazing. There are so many stars in this movie, and the movie does not feel like a movie. It feels like a bunch of scenes.

Okay, so this movie for me felt like it should be three hours long because like, you keep getting scenes that come in and you're just like, wait, what did I miss something like, because like you'll see characters in one scene be like never talk to me again. The next scene like he's grossly kissing her shoulder and you're like, wait, what happened? Like what's going on? Is that Jerry or Kyle? So no, not Chad because he's not being horrendously misogynistic.

This this movie feels like the movie has a short memory. Yeah, So the movie opens bizarrely. Everything just imagine everything I'm saying, but all of the lines are delivered in the least intuitive way possible. So the movie really crutches on voiceover and they have Miley Cyrus say I just want to have a perfect year. Here are me and my girls, and it's like sort of the click rundown we're used to, but there aren't any clicks. We're just talking about individuals.

Each other, and they're all really not funny.

They're so the cadence is bizarre. It's really lacking humor. There's like no sort of like warmth you would expect between a friend group that is supposed to be so closely tied as this one. So then and so there's blonde friend who's obsessed with sleeping with one of the teachers, which was like such a major ick factor. And then there's brunette friend who just has a mom that sort of minimizes her to be her looks. Yeah, I don't know anybody's name. If you're not a celebrity i've seen before,

Okay, sorry, I need to that. You're doing a great job so far, A says it, but.

I'm struggling, so I'm about to slip under.

I just wanted to say before I uh, the note that just says, I'm in hell. I wrote down this line dialog Forbatim. We're all just trying to live, love and laugh out loud. Everyone calls me lull because my name is Lola.

Like, imagine you're speaking to someone and they said that you would immediately be concerned. You could be like, are you okay? Are you experiencing a form of psychosis? Like what, I'm not trying to be funny, Like, these are not sentences a human says. Like Frank texted me while he was watching the film and said, this movie feels like it was made by AI, but this was years decades before AI.

Yeah, well it's maybe twenty twelve where I think we had like the bare bones AI like where it wasn't.

This way it was like sims level AI.

Yeah, like like okay, I made it about watch a thousand hours of Hallmark Christmas movies and this is the like script that came up with. We see a single mother refilling snow gloves of Christmas juice. She is widow, her husband died in every war.

Right, these are not really made by AI. These are written by people.

Oh well that was the whole joke.

They're still very funny, Yes, that's why they're funny because they were written by human beings.

Well, and it's also much better than anything written.

In this movie, also written by human beings. Confusingly enough, Hernandos Okay says he was in suicide Squad. Suicide Squad.

God, I cannot I forgot how bad his character was suicide Squad. So anyway, like we start, it's the beginning of the school. Oh so when I mentioned the text mess about hugs, that's the text message Molly Cyrus sends to her mom, to me more and to me more. Has a job.

Okay, this is Demi Moore has a job with clients undefined, but is always home.

Like when we first see her, she's looking at a blueprint kind of like software, like she's an interior designer. And I'm just so confounded by this.

Just Thomas Jane is her ex husband and Miley Cyrus's and younger daughter undefined and brother.

There's a brother and sister okay, which when the brother came out, I'm like, where did this kid come from? And do they have any meaningful lines? Are they funny? Are they useful to the plot? No?

So what's This movie was adapted from the French film, and you can tell because the way the type of filmmaking is very European, where the scenes just sort of moved from one another. But this film has the glossiness of Hollywood, so it like doesn't work. Like I felt like my brain was pushing back on it constantly, because there are both. This movie is obsessed with sex in a very French and American way and also obsessed with like sort of sexual permissiveness but shame at the same time.

And like, so then to have this conversation, and the conversation and like Miley says something like I just wanted to have a shower with my family, which is insane.

It's an insane thing to say.

So when you but like it gives this false idea that when you first watched this film that like this, this family is probably a bit more you know, liberal and like open minded than another like other families might be. And then like towards the end of the movie and throughout we get this like sexual conservatism, where like Demi

Well, like, none of it makes any sense. What was that scene for? What? It wasn't funny, It didn't serve the plot. What was that scene for except to be like kind of provocative in that it didn't make any sense, Like I don't even mean provocative in the fact that there was implied nudity. I mean provocative in the fact that, like I was like, well, all of that was weird.

Yeah, you can be one of.

Those things, you can't be all three of those things. Like the room like which I would say is like the bar for like super bad movies, is strange and boring at parts, but it's like the whole time you're sort of like I'm seeing inside the mind of a madman. With loll I was just like, this feels craven. This feels like a movie where someone is writing for the teenage experience who one does not remember what it's like to be a teenage Yeah, and there's like a fetishistic aspect of it.

Yeah, like all of the teens.

Are cynical and shitty and only think of things in the terms of sex, like who are you having sex with?

How?

Like it feels empty. It's like a vessel that's just empty.

Yeah, you know what.

Like, and there's a lot of talk about love no evidence of it.

Yeah, there's a loveless movie, but it's not a lollless movie. Oh I did not laugh about loud ones.

Yeah, but there's someone literally named the hole in it. Come on, come on.

But there should have been a scene where towards like like their first day of school, She's like, I gotta tell Kyle how I feel if I just oh.

My god, I forgot about the best friend thing. How did I forget the whole plot? Because like there is no chemistry, just like no chemistry.

Well, okay, the joke I was about to finish was like Lil's like, this me my best year ever. And then like here comes Hillary Duff like and she's like, Hi, my name's Ruffel.

I'm gonna watch that movie.

Actually no, like this movie couldn't get Hillary Duff. So they just have a like a stand in like a cardboards hilly hilly, like a cardboard cutout.

That I'm saying, they get Hailey Duff.

Who's holding a cardboard cutout of just wearing a cardboard mask of her sister. Yeah. Okay, so, oh my god, So we get back from to school.

I need you to describe the best friend relationship.

With Kyle. Yes, okay, So they've been friends since kindergarten. They like to wave at each other from across subway platforms for like pals long that.

I think that montage was what did be in because I was like, what's happening?

Nothing is happening? Is it? That's something else I want to bring up on this episode. I don't know what the sentral conflict of this movie is. Like in the Lighthouse, it's like man's desperate battle against loneliness and like isolation and like the ways you stay sane in that kind of situation.

I mean, I felt like that's what was happening to me while watching this film. I was the only one in the room.

What is the central conflict of Pregonia's.

Is he whether Emma Stone is an alien or not? And the morality of kidnapping?

Like nothing happens like that? I kept thinking about that scene in Adaptation where like, uh, what adaptation Adaptation where you know, Nicholas Cage's character gets yelled at by that guy who's just like if you can't find drama in life, then why are you wasting my two precious hours or your dumb ass movie? Yeah, Like because this this is that movie Nicholas Cage is describing. Nothing happens. Okay, So yeah, so Kyle, Kyle and loll are in.

Stop It just call her Miley Cyrus.

Kyle and Molly Cyrus are in our best friends. They've been best friends since kindergarten.

What do they have in common?

They've been best friends since they were in kindergarten.

I'm gonna fa.

That's all I can tell.

There is this like fixation on indie music, and I will say Kyle's band sings a pretty good song.

You didn't hear all ass song. The last song is pure Radio Disney. Oh my god, so it sucks so bad. And there's a lot to pull up the line because I pulled that one. Oh he's writing a love song where he says we used to be like brother and sister. Fuck I hate that and then I broke the promise.

What yeah, Because that's the other part. There's like a lot of drama. But the only person who's like truly a bad person is Chad, and Chad has almost no impact on the plot. Chad is like this name that is invoked when they need Miley to storm out of a room. But Chad actually, like is a completely inconsequential person.

Chad is a roaming rumba of misogyny. He just walks up to will women calls them hoes. Like, okay, so there's I guess supposed to be their central hangout spot is against this gray wall. And like Chad and Kyle and are a band together, and like there's.

What do Chad and Kyle have in common?

They're in a band together.

We never see anyone like this movie. I don't even want to say that it doesn't pass the Bechtel test because nobody talks about anything, so like it's not even like do the women talk.

About anything besides men, not that I can tell.

I guess the women only talk about men, and the men only talk about this band in Battle of the Bands and dads. So not even the men pass the Bechdel test because they're just talking about dads.

So okay, So Chad, Chad and Malisarius write a heart that says Chad and Lowell.

For oh my god, this is amazing. This happens like in the first ninety seconds of the movie. And almost immediately after this, what is Chad saying?

Chad says, Hey, what I was doing? I'm a counselor at the.

At first she's like, hey, I called and texted you and you didn't reply, And he's like reception, I couldn't and she's like okay, and.

Then he's just like, hey, I hooked up with this girl only a one time thing. And then she lies and says she hooked up with somebody, but then it.

Is clearly angry.

And then she also goes and like crosses out the chad. This is like, this is just the graffiti bathroom. There doesn't seem to be anybody.

At what seems to be a high end private school. Yeah, so at no point during this summer did the school thing, hey, this bathroom looks worse than pensation. We should probably take care of it. And like with students like my right, I'm like, yeah, I probably wouldn't fix it up either. I'd feel like these kids are the worst. They're so wishy washing, they draw hard that they cross it up thirty seconds later.

They hate their French teacher. They're all miserable assholes. The only person who gets any respect and like people listen to is the hot trigonometer teacher, which you know, good like I don't approve of student teacher relationships, but like I'll give creed. So those girls were sitting through treg just to stare at this dude, like good.

On you well, only blonde girl did that.

Now there's some others, like there's a mother to watching. Oh also like so they so Chad and her breakup, there's another guy named Jeremy Frank.

I had no idea what I was supposed to feel about their breakup because she didn't react to like the cheating.

It's so utterly flaccid.

I think for some reason, Chad believes her that she hooked up with someone else, and then he's mad, which makes no sense because he cheated.

Well okay, I mean I can understand that, like from a misogynous, asshole kind of, you know, perspective.

But that's the way I wanted to be, Like movie, tell me what to feel, I'll feel it. I'm very impressionable.

But the thing is also like, it doesn't make sense to lie about like unless you're like trying to do like a one upmanship kind of thing, like you know, especially high school, you want to be like not you you know, I don't know. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't make any sense because I don't think that's how most humans would react, like maybe after the initial shock, but presumably she would be shocked, right. She thinks they're still together. They drew the heart. They had the conversation about the cell phone reception. So the way she reacts is the way that you would presume someone would react after they had time to process, like oh, well, fuck you. You know you hurt me and guess what I cheated on YouTube?

Yeah, she didn't think they were back together, or did she?

I don't know what to feel. This movie is having the opposite problem of how I usually feel about movies, where I'm like, you don't need to spoon feed me, not an idiot, And I'm like, no movie, really, write write it on the graffiti bathroom wall. For me, you were supposed to be upset then Miley lost the worst boyfriend ever, Chad. You were supposed to be upset. That to me, Moore lost a man. She's already divorced.

Okay, so I'm gonna just say this about Chad, like, oh my god, are you in love with him?

No, he's gonna break your heart.

I normally don't call people.

Also, his hair is styled strangely.

He has like the looks of like a silly and Murphy, but like his hair makes him look so douche like. It's just like the worst.

Scene where he had gone a little more psychotic with him. Okay, hear me out, hear me out.

A listener, I just listeners.

I just gave look, I'm sure they understood that from my response where I'm like, okay.

But what if.

Here's the thing. Chad is boring. Chat is personality lists.

He's a personality a lot of other male podcasts has gone far out of it.

Yes, but why is Miley attracted to him? We get why she's attracted to Kyle right, familiarity. He's a handsome guy, he's familiar and he seems to like her, and I guess they were working on a will they won't they? Thing? But I need Chad to be like repellent so that when she breaks up with him, but like charming. The thing is Chad is just kind of nothing. So when she's saying I love Chad, We're gonna be together forever,

Like come on, so like, I also just want to point out a scene.

Give me a supernatural monster, make Chad a potential serial killer, make.

Him aware of So I want to just talk about this utterly bizarre scene where she goes to the gray wall, which is a metaphor foris entire movie. It's just a gray wall that they are all lights.

That you, the viewer, are supposed to project upon.

Yeah, so he goes he goes to the gray wall because he Chad does. Yeah, okay, and he's just like, hey, can I talk to you real quick? And he propositioned to her like ten feet away from everyone.

It is insane, and I think if they had leaned into this level of psychopathy, we'd have something LEAs continue.

What do you do you remember was that movie with Maya Hawk and Kamela Mendez.

Oh, the one where she says, this is shocking news, I'm shocked. Oh my god.

I love that line.

I still have that clip on my phone and sometimes I just fly it. This is shocking.

But like that guy was psychotic, and like when you found out towards the end of the movie that he was knowingly psychotic and not just like a hymnbo I was like, that's great, it's really good. This instead was just like Doe Revenge. That was it. Yeah, listener, don't

That's the thing I feel like this movie does not commit to the bit on anything. Right, Like halfway through the movie, we find out that Anthony Michael Hall is a bad, horrible dad and he is Kyle's dad. Report cards come up at some point and it's like there's a lot of discussion about grades, but like not to any ends.

We get a montage of people getting their report cards and Emily, the blonde friend who uh is in love with our teacher says.

And her mom is in a whole bunch of stuff. She's a character actor.

Yeah, and she's like, like, you didn't make honor roll. Oh, She's like, I got one b I'm like, yeah, that's honor roll, like you know, Maya Cyrus is.

Oh my god, when so this is Miley Cyrus. This is now that I know that Demi Moore gets upset about Miley Cyrus having sex. When Miley Cyrus says to blonde friend, Hey, my mom just bought us like a haul at Victoria's Secret and not all of it fits me. Do you want some blonde friends? Like yes, And so then she has it in her purse to go to not her purse, it's not all in her person, it's in her luggage to go to Paris underwear. So then her mom walks in and starts pulling the under around.

Yeah. So also, but speaking of the mom, like, okay, yeah, no, I agree with like if you go wider with it then it would be funny.

Yes, Like no one is allowed to be big in this film, and I think that's the thing that they need, is like for people to be taking big swings.

Yeah, so this movie. But speaking of Emily's mom, let's talk about how this.

Movie is Ora Dunn, that's Emily's mom, blonde friend.

Yeah, let's talk about how this movie spends about teens ostensively, has so much adult conversations and not talking.

Every time they cut to the parents, I was like, why are we here again?

We cut randomly to a demean More therapy session when she's talking to her.

Therapist Frank, I miss that altogether. It happens more than once shut up what weg like?

Who? The first scene is her mom is demean More being like could you say something other? And she goes, I must have.

Wandered out of the room to get coffee. I have no recollection of this.

Maybe your brain went to a few states to protect itself.

I think it did. I think my body was like and now we dissociate.

And I was like, or oscars, just like mother, I'm here and just started like dancing.

Still came into the room at one point and I was like, this movie is so hard. He goes is it long? And I was like, no, there's like literally no reason for this to be as hard for me as it is.

So like like we Also, when I say adult conversations, these adults are fully talking about their sex lives, and it's so weird.

The adults talk more like teens than the teens do.

So all of a sudden, at a certain point, Miley Cyrus comes. So this adult conversation goes on for like five or six minutes, and are.

You talking about the therapy one or a different one?

Different one? The therapy session is only there for like twenty seconds, so we can then make it a joke later when she's talking to Tomas Jane. So the adults are having conversations with this. I think Miley Cyrus comes in with Jeremy.

Okay, that whole thing was bizarre. The friend, the other friend, the.

Not the not Kyle friend.

What was his whole deal? And he did not look dissimilar enough from Kyle that I did not confuse that.

Like I was like, okay, I know.

They needed him to make Kyle jealous. But he comes out of nowhere and she's like, hey, let's do it. Jery's like what, No, I don't want to do that, and I was like, oh my god, finally a sane person who talks like a regular person. Because like the way this movie's written again so cynically, I expected to be like, you of course will want to do it. But Jeremy's like, stop being fucking weird, like we're getting hot, shut up.

You know what honestly reminds me of DeBie from Never Have I Ever when she's trying to who's the hot guy she's trying to sleep with Paxon past it and he's just like, you know, you're too weird to have sex with yes, so like and like, they have a conversation about her getting a vestment, which, honestly, as I was, getting vestment would have improved this movie.

It would have been so much more interesting.

Like and then we also get a scene where the mom is like, oh, coming out of a courtroom, her heel breaks.

I was like, Okay, where is this going? Because and this is I think really a testament to what a good actor to me more is because imagine being given such a clunky line of exposition where you're like, I got a ticket and these asshole cops and da da, we have no lead up to this.

Yeah, Like and they are rich.

Rich because I don't know if they're in Chicago or they're in Chicago.

They have a car, yeah, and like they have like they have like a what do you call that a moon shaped driveway? Okay, yeah, the half circle that you can like you don't have to like reverse out of, like and they just leave their car there, like is there a valet? What is happening? Like? So like he's just like, hey, hey girl, what's up? Like you know, I'm Jay Hernandez, I'm really hot. I'm also a cop. Do you want to get in the back of my dude Ducati bike.

She's like, cops are such assholes and they give you tickets and they're just trying to make my life where it's like really sovereign citizen level complaining about this thing. And then he's She's like, what about your helmet? You know how they are? And then a coup pulls up and goes, oh, good afternoon, detective, and she's like, oh, no, you're a coup. And then did you notice the way she was riding on this vestiva. She is in heels,

Yeah. So also like I forgot about.

The least intuitive way to ride a motorcycle ever.

The scene before this is like we're shown that Kyle has a shitty dad who only cares about his grades.

Yeah, Anthony Michael Hall, well, like he's just not I'm sorry I didn't bring up I said that like you're retreating. I never went anywhere with it because it doesn't go anywhere. Do they play out in the end of the film, Yeah, oh my.

God, is he a no his dad when he wins an I mean, when he wins the Battle of the band's unless a record deal, his dad falling, except that he wants to do music.

Oh my god, I thought you were going to say his dad like burns the place down.

No, that'll makes it way more interesting because that's.

What we've been led to believe he would do.

Yeah. Well, I mean, Kyle's like, Kyle's like, hey, dad, you know I got into Battle of the Bands. You're like pass the salt, and Kyle like slides the salt across the thing. And I'm I don't want to say, like rich people don't have problems, but it's like it's.

Hard to like nobody in this movie has real problems.

Yeah, yeah, okay, because like we're they're in front of a gorgeous penthouse window at sunset, and I'm just like, I'm sorry, Kyle, but your dad saying I want you to pay attention to your grades over a band that's essentially a pipe dream because you're not very talented. Kyle. I'm sorry.

Like I said, that song was very catchy, I'm gonna disagree with you.

The last song was not like they are one hit wonder at best.

I would say I don't support you being in a band with Chad, who's like.

A soul suck Chad. Chad is gonna like Chad is reminds me of who is that that then guy from the nineteen seventy five that dated and Taylor's oh yeah, where like he just started he started like is.

He dating like Charlie XCX now who knows?

I just remember there's a point where at a concert he started saying like not a racist, but oh god, and then sensing danger, the band started playing as loudly as they could and drown him out.

They're like, bruh, this is our meal ticket and you are really trying to undo that.

Yeah. So, like Chad is definitely going to say something when the Me Too movement comes out and it's gonna open up a whole deck of college.

He's already saying all this terrible stuff about women.

Okay, so we're gonna get into the back half of this movie. Oh and I'm gonna talk about when right take a quick trick to the bake sale. Okay, So it's another character named when. When is kind of like a very pro like Okay, do you remember remember this character? Yeah, because he's wait, wait, he's the dark haired kid.

Yo, he's from the Step Up movies. They have him doing a little dance of this. He does it on the bathroom floor. It's gross.

Yeah, he's a sex pest.

He's literally a sex pest in this movie.

Yeah, he's the worst.

And Frank was about to say he's super cool.

No, like he's so confounding. Like, I guess he's supposed to be the comedy relief because in French class he's like, I have a whole sub, I'm gonna eat a sub and the French you just like I swear to Christ I'm gonna burn this place down and then cancel the French trip of the Parish trip. There's a Paris trip in this We even mentioned it before, Like, oh, the.

Parish trip is so problematic.

The parastrip is a problematic and boring. Somehow how do you how do you do both of this thing? I'm selling the weeds the Parst trip the movie.

Like if you think that what we're talking about is boring and inconsequential, you're right. And then this movie really bogs down once they go to Paris. So it's this is what is so confusing about this. We have forgotten nothing happens in this movie, but we've forgotten to mention things that have happened. So like there is a party, and.

Sorry, before we talk about that, I also need to talk about this confounding scene that makes no goddamn sense.

So wait, we're not in Paris yet, right, No, we're not in Paris yet, okay, because we need to mention why the Parish trip is in peril. Yeah, or like thirty seconds.

Okay, before that, Emily has this confounding scene.

Is this in the supermarket?

No, it's even worse than that. Okay, Like Emily is chatting with a dude on a I guess it's like their version of o'negal, where you see the person and you can chat with them, and like she's clearly talking to an older guy and he's like, oh wow, you're so bad, and she's like takes her little camera up to her lips and then down and then into a raw chicken.

My god, I definitely was out of the room for this because then I walked back and please the room this raw chicken just with her bare hands, and like her mom again, Nora, what's her name is? Like, where's my chicken? Where's my chicken? She takes this chicken and

If you if like, if you like slowed down that dialogue and isolated it and all these incidents, like you could put this on a true Cry podcast for real. So because she inserts our camera into the chicken like it's a like a sex thing and it's just in her bed.

It's in her bed. That woman has salmonilla. Ron friend is rife with salmonilla, and trigonometry teacher is so right besides the fact that it's illegal, it's a moral and it's wrong. He should not get Samonella from her.

So I just want we get a montage at a certain point, we get a montage of Kyle and Milesys's friendship. These are okay, which these are my notes on it. Wait, she sent a smile and now they're dating. I don't know, nobody ever says they're dating.

Okay, yeah, so we see an aim conversation that is nothing. It's like, hey, hey, what's up with you? Nothing? Hey Kyle, Yeah, smiley face close his computer, satisfied. So I am dying to know what the two of them were told was going to be on the screen when they were filming this, because I almost guarantee it's not what's actually put in in post.

So these are the notes I have on this montage. Montage is annoying. Just coming around to the platform. Call your air guitar sucks, No one, You're gonna lose the Battle of the bands.

They were totally like go and Vamp and we're gonna do a bunch of b roll for the montage about how you guys are together. How much can you do that will look cool or interesting on the subway platform at a.

Certain point to be cut to an ad that because this movie was so like insane, I thought it was just like a part of the movie, but it was like a movie. There is an ad where there was several people of color at a funeral, and that's how I knew it wasn't part of the movie.

Oh yeah, this movie is so whitewashed, like insanely whitewashed.

Yeah. So okay, So after the bizarre Oh my stars hates post it, they constantly are just shit talking her. I'm just like she just like she just wants to hang out with dudes. It's fun. Who cares.

She doesn't do anything. I mean, she's not written with a personality, but she also doesn't do anything that we see.

I think she like kind of throws some trash back at Moley, not like literally throwst trash, but like, you know, at a certain point, also, Chad and I am.

Shocked this movie does not have a food fight. Was there a food fight in the last twenty minutes?

No, Chad and Miley get into a fistfight at certain point.

Oh yeah, she like attacks him because he's like, so are we gonna do it? And she's like no, yeah no, and he's like, but you've already done it again, like why did you believe?

And then like she refuses to like she refuses to tell her mom that's why she got. That's why she got, like you know, in the fight with Chaz because he called her a hoe. Yeah, so okay, like it just and then like Demi, he's like your Chad. He said that she's not my Chad anymore. I'm like, of course this guy's the name is Chad, all right, So now we have a party. Yes, Demi Moore is going on a trip with her ex husband, but they're supposed to

I'd obviously have him parachute into the house and then kool aid man through the roof.

He's like, you remember when I was punisher that one time?

Yes, and then I'd be like, oh, you actually mean that guy John Barenthal. So no, who was actually not the punisher that I thought should be the front Frank Grillo.

Yeah, so Miley's being left of her grandma, Uh yeah, and like you know, they were like, oh, trying to get her out the door and all these things. I don't know where the other two children are. I just I don't know where the other two children are. Not Yeah, And She's like, are you trying to get rid of me? I'm just like you're going on a trip. Like they're just trying to get you out the door. And Miley's like,

Mean michelo michell? Do you have that with quinch?

Okay? Quinch is a far more confusing way for me to pronounced that word. There's no n in kiche. There's no n in keich, right, Okay. So it is still still not my most embarrassing misconception about alcohol. When I used to say, give me a rum and scotch, what would be disgusting? And also when I read about champagne flutes in the book called Mountain at this fancy party, I didn't think, oh, that's just what you call the long stemmed glasses.

Stop that you thought they were.

I thought all their fingers working over.

That is amazing.

Why did they do that? It's a different time. I'm an idiot.

So when you imagine how full of spit.

Is. Okay, so this party is not even that. Okay, gives this movie credit. This is a realistic party. It looks like it kind of sucks.

They're not raucous.

There's two dudes sitting on the couch like they're trying to hook up with the grandma. Like who doesn't look old enough to like be to me Moore's mom, But so like they get her drunk and then like the party goes on. Kyle and may Cyrus don't have sex, but they go make out with her shirt off and his shirt off. There's like a lot of giggling, which, okay, you know what, that would be cute if it was anybody else. Yeah, like in any other.

Movie, if this movie hadn't already spent all of the goodwill, the very little good will it had.

So Thomas Jane and Demi Moore were going on some kind of trip. But I guess at like midnight, dem Moore is like, you know what, I'm gonna go home.

She figured out he was sleeping with other people.

Yeah, and like she arrives home, the house is a mess. Man Cyrus still finds a way to like like do a Judo reverse flip and like storm into her bedroom. And also Mansarus is cleaning up like all.

These she's the debris from the party.

Yeah, but not like a garbage bag, which I'm sure they have, and just like a Chinese food bag. And also somebody was putting out there like cigarettes in the pizza, which is disgusting.

And then her sister's like, mom, why is Miley cleaning? And this is like some real rich person problems where it's like I've never seen anyone in the house clean.

Also, Deman Moore finds a roach and I'm just kind of like, oh, yeah, we used to care about weed, like it used to be a problem. She's like, your daughter's on drugs. Let's say. When when and Emily have this confounding conversation about his T shirt, She's just like it is advantageous, Like I don't know, do I have this shirt. I'm just like it seems like a waste of time. Then it turns out they're hooking up in

What prolonged drug use does? Picture of the principle? The Principal's like such rhyme all jokes, how I would be like, get out?

How did you feel?

Like just because it's true doesn't mean it's not mean.

She's like, do you know what I have I have to do with these idiots? Yeah? I have when eating sandwiches class like oh well, here's where people are with listening to the teacher. And also it's mid days as a mid day assembly and there's so many parents in attendance.

To me more is there?

And like other parents are there?

Can you imagine her taking off time from her high powered job to be like I need to go to a DARE assembly.

I have fourteen like pato days a year. I'm gonna use one to go to one DARE assembly. Yes, McGruff isn't even there.

It turns out that DARE was almost like a pyramid scheme for the cops, and that you like, cops got paid time to go be Dare ambassadors or whatever, and the more cops you recruited, you got bonuses. So it was like they got to do like work in the community quote unquote and got paid the rate they would you know. So I was like, oh, well that makes sense.

Yeah. At a certain point, somebody writes, I missed you too, but kepital U two, and I was like, I want to what Bombo's up to.

Wouldn't it be amazing if he was watching the movie at the same time and it's like, your soul's touched.

So okay, we get a we get the jay Hernanda says to mean more, you know what I'm calling him.

It's really ironic that after the DARE assembly he's like, let's go get a glass of wine. And he's like, I didn't ask we're getting a glass of wine.

It's like, it's chilling, sir.

You are the DARE ambassador.

It wasn't a question. I'm telling you, I'm buying a drink I'm buying you a drink like.

Run I'd feel like, sir, my ex husband is the punisher and he's like, well, I'm oh gosh, what was his name in Suicide Squad? Explicivo no l Diablo? Yeah, I was close.

You just weren't racist enough.

I was thinking of that Tenacious D song explosemo.

Okay, So now Emily's gonna be the worst friend so.

And like kind of hateful to the person that she's involved with.

Yeah. So when and Emily are hooking up in the bathroom, and the way the suck on the door, I guess is that Emily's probably very expensive bag is sitting on the floor of the bathroom of the men's room. Even worse, what like they finished hooking up and she's like, you can't tell anyone, and Wends is like, all right, cool, I'm gonna do the splits on the men's.

Room floor because he was in Step up too, Step up to the streets and step up.

Three day, Miley Cyrus, I guess sees post It and Kyle leave a bathroom.

No, she sees posted walking down the hall, and because she saw the purse, she assumes it her. What is that character's name. I don't want to call her post it.

I'm sorry.

Ashley Green Alice from Twilight, and so.

Her name is Ashley. Oh right, Ashley playing Ashley.

So she Miley Cyrus confronts Ashley, and Ashley's like, I don't know, you know, sometimes you just feel like doing very loud, doing whatever. So Miley Cyrus is like, right.

How dare you be open with your sexuality and then comfortable.

Ask Kyle any follow up questions?

It just as like you talk, Yeah, it makes no sense, Like it's just the most confounding thing.

Frank Is said, confounding no less than two dozen times.

Okay, So then uh like okay, So then like Marie's at home crying still. I was like, were they ever like together, she says, making assumptions. Kyle's like, I'm gonna walk side by side with Chad down the hall and purposely ignore Mave Cyrus.

Well, Miley also tells blonde friend that they're going to ignore them. Brunette friend nowhere in the patients.

Oh yeah, so like here's where Emily is a garbage friend? Where because like Marie's just like, I'm not talking to Kyle anymore. He's the worst I hate him. I saw like the she explains all the other purse, Emily doesn't come clean. I'm like, Emily, you don't even have to say it's when you can just say you were hooking with somebody in the band's room. It's fine.

So, because this movie is slutshamy and weird, she cannot and does not.

Say that they use the like, am I allowed to say? Yes? Now I'm gonna say, like they call women the esler all the time. Yeah, like they use it liberally. So because she's sad, okay, you know, I will get like I guess kind of, I'll give Jay hear Nanza's his character some credit where he he says to Tom Moore where he's like, like, I've seen a lot of bad kids. She sounds pretty normal. She's just like, you know, testing her boundaries. I'm like, you know what, that's somewhat reasonable.

But this make a difference.

Now it's this weird floating timeline where I'm like, is this still the drug Assembly? I'm unsure how much time has passed.

Jay Hernandez is just a hinting about her daughter at the Drug Assembly. He's like, hey, everyone, take a knee. I want to talk to you about.

Your daughter, where he keeps getting up for every word he says. During that sentence to me More, he gets up and turns a chair backwards and in front it backwards. It's like, well, the thing is screwed.

She ended up marrying j her NaN's character Susy.

There's the movie begins as it ends with them them hugging together in a bed. And here's the thing. If, like, if you have a relationship with your parent as a teen where sometimes you just want to feel the comfortable another person near you, that's perfectly fine. What made it weird for me was the fact that she like texted her mom just like hug Oh my god. Right.

I didn't understand why that happened. I was just like, why is she texting her mom to come into her bed?

Like also, I can't.

Like they had just gotten into a fight.

I can like tell this movie is written by a man because it's like nine pm and me More is like doing work in bed and like she you know, takes a bra off, taking her shirt off, like this is written by you know, a woman, but probably come off the minute she got home.

And I guess so I'm not gonna like nitpick the movie to that degree.

So she gets to she gets gets to go to Paris. Everything should be fine. Her mom gives her a Pandora ring. I'm not super sure about, Juliet. Is Pandora like an expensive brand? Okay, it's tacky, all right, So that's.

Why it was like so product placement and the whole thing comes out of nowhere where she's like, oh my god, thank you so much.

I love it. Miley Cyrus. I've seen her and other stuff. She's a pretty good actress, Like she just did pan that line, because.

Like the other thing is, people in their tax bracket would not be buying Pandora jewelry.

Yeah. So we get the plane ride over. Emily is hanging out with Mallory Miley. She goes up to get them much drink, which I'm like, I don't well.

She turns to Miley and she says, why are you so mad at me? And Miley It says, and this is one of the few scenes that makes sense. I would never do what you did to me, and you could have just told me, but you chose not to do that.

Yeah. So I'm just like, when did we have the discussion about what happened. Oh we didn't.

No, she did tell her. Oh, like, after everything falls apart with Kyle and then Miley is doing the weird thing where she's trying to meet Kyle jealous with Jeremy, and then blonde friend is like, oh, actually that wasn't Kyle, it was me, and I couldn't tell you because it was RN.

Yeah, but that happens after. That happens after Kyle and her get back together, because Kyle comes over and starts kissing Molly's shoulder and Emily just kind of smiles.

Yeah, but that the repair happens with them before they go to Paris.

When they're in bed together. Because no, because I remember them commenting on the deer head when they're in bed together, and that's in Paris, and they're also complaining about the temperature. I'm like, girls, you're from Chicago, you know what cold is.

No, I was talking about between her and Kyle.

Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember them ever having conversation. The nearest I can tell is they were she near. They can tell. He's like, I'm gonna come over. Can I come over and talk to you? And she's like sure, and his dad comes in holding two baggies, one of weed and one of cocaine. And he's just like, who brought this into my house? And he's like like, you don't get that. You don't get this. You don't get this computer or this phone. No more guitar. He smashes

I feel like this movie fried Marraine because I could have sworn. But you're right, there's no formal makeup.

He just comes over and she's wearing a tank top on the plane, and he just starts lightly kissing her shoulder, which, once again, probably if I actually gave a shit about these characters, could have been sweet. I just thought it was gross and tacky. Yeah, so they get they get to apparently an outlying village of Paris. Everybody's like, I want to go home, Like, why are we in a tiny village? Yeah, let's go to a bunch of like

It was horrible.

Yeah, it's just a bunch of like jokes expect from an early Auts movie. Yeah, and then we get a Paris montage.

Where okay, this is about the time. I wait, have they all slept together yet?

No, that that's coming up after the montage. Okay, so we get a montage the girls are trying on clothes. They're going to expensive boutiques. An older man is smiling at Emily.

What is her deal?

Her deal is? Like I think the guy who wrote this also wrote the original where like, you know, like European movies are like this beautiful woman definitely wants to kind of sit with this doe older man who has no personality and is very much an asshole, Like, you know, I wait, this is written and direcverybody Lisa Azuela's that doesn't make sense, Like there's part of me that wants to watch the original one, like just to see if it's any better, because it has to beg I mean,

Yeah.

So now now it's just like everybody's like hopping beds and whatnot. Kyle invites Mally over to the house he's staying at, like, you know, they pretend Molly Size is death mute for some reason.

Even though she is responding to the entire conversation.

Yeah, it's just a garbage show. And this is another confounding part where Emily like Emily, the couple at Emily stay with them. The woman goes to check on Molly Cyrus and when Emily is just like, there's somebody's snoring in the bed, and Emily's, oh, there's Molly Cyrus and she gets in the bed and when is there? How

No, it's from the Sistine Chapel painting of God.

And yeah, and he's pretending it's his muscles, that's what when is wearing. This is not explained at all. This does not make any sense.

She says, nice muscles and hops into bed with him.

Yeah. So then Paris is just over. We're done with Paris.

Oh okay, So I saw all of Paris except that Miley and Kyle sleep together and.

This where's Jeremy who can say?

And this is just to posed against me Moore and Jay Hernandez sleeping together, and it is so awful because Miley says, it's my first time to Kyle.

And this has played like this so romantic, and then to me Moore says to Jay Hernandez, it's my first time since the divorce. These scenes are juxtaposed against each other cut cut. It reminded me so much of the scene in Jennifer's Body where Amanda Siphery's character is sleeping with her boyfriendship and at the same time having flashes of Megan Fox's character Jennifer devouring a man, because I was like, I had the same sort of level of like bodily horror watching it.

So okay, Sizzy, this movie is about to just go nuts.

And Frank's gonna have to take over from here because.

I gave up. So Miley gets back from Paris and like it says to it says like Demean Moore is like, ohaspurs, that was good. Yeah, how is your how's your take? It was good. They don't say anything. There's barely anything that happens. Scene done. Oh and like okay, sorry before this because it's important to the plot. Moley borrowed a sweater from Demeanmoor or stole a sweater from.

De Memoir, a Cashmere sweater again rich person.

Problems, and Molly on the way back is thinking, now I know it's like to love someone so much it hurts.

What.

So they get back, Demean Moore is looking for her sweater and she looks into the bed and finds Miley Cyrus's diary. She then proceeds to read the entire diary because of course it falls open right to the page with the taped in condom wrapper bookmark. Gross, and there's also a titsy World bookmark like two world wrapper bookmark.

It does not for motivations or how anyone's feeling.

Kyle's dad is like, I'm sending you to military school, so he's say goodbye to this. And once again, it's really hard to like sympathize with these people when they're sending these giant rooms, like like you know, because he's sitting in this beautiful room and all these things, and

I mean, is it played like a triumphant moment?

I don't think so. Okay uh oh. And while while they're while they're dissecting the pigs, Kyless like have a little heart and holds up a pig's hard. It's horrific. Then there's a whole thing about they want to bring Kyle's band over to practice. It takes like two or three minutes, and just like, how are we gonna end this movie? We're gonna end this movie the Battle of the Bands because we've been talking nonsul about it doesn't matter.

Frank, how much movie do you think? This movie made? Like?

Ten million dollars?

Have you looked it up? No, you are totally right, ten point four million dollars on an eleven million dollar budget.

I'm so glad it didn't make his money back. It didn't deserve it.

And here's the thing. I don't know if it was as true at the time, but usually movies spend about as much on advertised as they do on the actual budget, or at least half as much. So yeah, this movie lost money.

So next week we're gonna.

Do domestic box office forty six thousand dollars. That is, it made most of its money overseas.

Wow. I mean, well, the thing is, like, I think I think the main problem. Okay, so here's how I knew about this movie, and I think this is what is the main problem with this movie is I remember the trailer for this movie being my size texting on her bed and she says, my name is Lola, but everybody calls me lull. And I think the problem with that is that everyone heard that heard it for the cynical bullshit it was, and we're like, I'm not gonna go watch this movie.

Coverage one week run per theater, so and it was only in one hundred theaters.

I can only imagine in each of those theaters there's like two or three people. Like movie prices were like still like ten dollars. So let's say seven days, one hundred theaters, seven hundred movie theaters or yeah, yeah, like seven hundred what.

Do you mean one hundred theaters it's one per screen.

Yeah, no, like I'm trying seven hundred, seven hundred movie theaters. Assume me three hundred screens in total over seven days.

Let's say it played three times a day in one hundred theaters times a week. That's twenty two hundred screenings. And so then if we divide that into forty six thousand, so about twenty people or no, twenty dollars, so about two people screening went to see it.

Yeah that makes sense. So yeah, next week I'm gonna do the last song. Yeah, it's a Nicolas Sparks movie. He's kind of somehow like.

And I promised to finish it because I bailed on this one.

He's gonna somehow talk about how like it's related to World War two, because that's what he doesn't every one of his goddamn books. It's like, I can't stop bull riding this horrific practice, and it's somehow related to World War two when we were fighting the greatest threat to democracy.

I mean, makes sense when you really think about it, it doesn't. So if you'd like to write.

It, it's just I want to I do love love like I love, I love, I love a good like romantic movie or song. I'm just gonna throw this out there because I've really enjoyed it. I need something positive to come out of this movie. Langhorn Slim has just come out of a new EP. It's called on Fire, and the title track from it is really good. So check him out on Spotify get his number rose up. Language Slim is excellent as new ep is excellent. I'm sorry for droppings. Please continue.

No, that's fine. If you want to write us and tell us we're wrong about Loll, tell us all the reasons that you loved it, you can write us at real Teengirl talk at gmail dot com. We have an instagram that Frank moderates.

If you can make it through and tell how we're all about LOLL. I don't think you can.

I could.

I challenge you. I challenge you by our listeners. I have another podcast I do my buddy Donne called I hope I can make it through. I have a pod. I have a pod. I have a pod of I have a p pod.

Dolphins Uh.

I have a website friendcode dot com where I post my writings. I have a book for sale, A Harpy in the Darkness. It's a collection of horror stories. The link for the link for all three of those are in the description.

And it's until next week. I'm ce Ze Coota my friend Coodaza