The resurrection of evil incarnate! The power of the gods used to hustle at chess and play the MOST TEDIOUS game of baseball in film history! And if you think that Billy’ isn’t going to a “mature” movie on his first day with an adult body, YOU ARE MISTAKEN. But don’t worry... there are some actual super-heroics. With juggling. Y’know, writing a synopsis like this really does a great job of illustrating how little thought must have gone into this script. But, hey, the gang take a brief break from...
Apr 16, 2019•1 hr 13 min
It's part 2 of Shazam, so you know what that means! Captain Marvel [not the Brie Larson character -ed.] makes his big debut, allowing William Goldman to explore the sexual desires of a 15 year old girl for a man described as being 25! Ew! Aside from the super inappropriate sexual tension, Jenny helps Billy get a grip on his new situation as Earth's Mightiest Mortal while elsewhere, we meet the children of Sivana, who have the Rowlingest names you ever heard! The transport their father's remains ...
Apr 09, 2019•1 hr 18 min
This is the first episode of the ALL NEW TABLE READS! With this episode, we welcome back Kelly Leviay as a full-time co-host and introduce Joshua Baker as a second full-time co-host in addition to show creator Shawn McBee, making Table Reads a 3 person podcast! For the first foray of the new lineup, we’re reading our first script authored by an Academy Award winner: Shazam, by the legendary William Goldman! Get a listen at what might have been if the new film starring Zachary Levi had been made ...
Apr 02, 2019•1 hr 24 min
It's the Looney conclusion of Termite Terrace! You'll find out what this has all been building to! Spoiler: think of the most groundbreaking and/or popular and/or revered cartoon character to come out of the Warner Bros animation department... IT'S NOT THAT ONE. No, this film builds up to... nothing you would expect to be the culmination of the story of the creation of the Looney Tunes. It's like if a Biopic were made about Stephen King, where the big finishing note was a shot of the manuscript ...
Mar 26, 2019•1 hr 12 min
Pete deals with the fallout from taking a movie starlet to bone-town, which involves the conspicuously-introduced Dot to cool to him... but not so much that they don't still get married before this episode is over. And if you feel like that's a spoiler, it's only because you don't understand how little importance this event seems to hold for anyone involved, including the writer. Far more important seems to be Pete getting his own unit with Landy (who is up to something shady), a labor union for...
Mar 19, 2019•1 hr 17 min
Our young hero Pete gets an opportunity to sneak a peek at a big-time actress for a cartoon, and ends up meeting a dame in the process. Yeah, that’s right, a dame... this IS the 1930s we’re talking about. The cartoon leads to some success and something altogether unexpected (and not completely believable) Join Shawn and Trevor as they continue to be entirely unimpressed by the professional attempt at telling a story they've found interesting all their lives!
Mar 12, 2019•1 hr 5 min
Table Reads co-founder and YouTube's own Looney Tunes Critic is back on Table Reads for the most appropriate script ever: Termite Terrace, the failed Joe Dante project that would have told the interesting tale of the birth of the Looney Tunes in probably the least interesting way imaginable! In part one, you will meet all the pseudonymous creators of your favorite cartoons--and I do mean ALL, right down to the guy who delivers memos--while also learning IN SUCH DETAIL how an animated cartoon is ...
Mar 05, 2019•1 hr 9 min
The stunning FINALE of Kevin Smith's Six Million Dollar Man! The final confrontation between Klatch and our hero, Steve Austin... and the fate of the world hangs in the balance! Or so we're led to believe. In reality, a script that is MUCH longer than it needs to be, still somehow ends up feeling like the ending was rushed to get it in under a 4 hour run-time. Remember, if you want to read a 173 page script from 1996 that reboots a property from the 70s by stringing together every cliché on Eart...
Feb 26, 2019•55 min
After taking an extended hiatus to completely overhaul our lives, the studio and the show, TABLE READS IS BACK! We left you hanging in the middle of Kevin Smith's utter masterpiece *cough* The Six Million Dollar Man, so we have picked up right where we left off... As we re-join our hero, he's setting off on the mission for which he was created: Stopping Klatch! This episode features a Bond-Villain-Like Mountain base, a Die-Hard-Like ventilation shaft incursion, robot ninjas and enough exposition...
Feb 19, 2019•1 hr 12 min
Having faced off against the mysterious Klatch, Steve confronts the Old Man and learns the origins of Project Six Million, as well as the limits of his freedom. Needless to say, there's a lot that doesn't make sense. That's where we come in. Oh, no, we don't make sense of it, we make FUN of it! Is this your first time here? Enjoy part 5 of Kevin Smith's Six Million Dollar Man (who costs $1.6 Billion). Anyway, SUBSCRIBE! You won't regret it! (Probably)....
Oct 03, 2017•1 hr 13 min
Alright, we're back again for another read of this marvelous script! People die, secrets are exposed, and Cliche? Yea, there's lots of that too. SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out RogueIntel.com for other great podcasts. And remember: Where we're going, we don't need good scripts!
Sep 26, 2017•59 min
Who'd believe that we're finally getting to the "Good" (Finger Quotes) part of the script...you know, the part where Steve Austin actually gets to enjoy his new body! Steve has a little fun, gets into a tight spot...and not unlike any other action screenplay, gets into a little trouble! SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out RogueIntel.com for other great podcasts. And remember: We're your real father.
Sep 19, 2017•59 min
Following the not-at-all-seen-from-a-million-miles-away tragic crash of Col. Steve Austin, he wakes to find himself a little the worse for wear, much in the same way that Anakin Skywalker was a little the worse for wear after his fight with Obi Wan on that weird volcano planet. What were we talking about? OH, YEAH! So, you'll never guess who the government decides to use for their super-secret bionics program. Never in a millio--oh, yeah. How'd you guess? Damn, you're good! SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THI...
Sep 12, 2017•58 min
Meet Steve Austin, the non-wrestlingest test pilot in the world! And he know's his fiancee! (They've spent some time together). How does he fit with robot-crushing, data-downloading ninjas? Um. Okay, you don't find that out in this part. Sorry. BUT YOU"LL WANT TO KNOW, so HAHA, we trapped you. Also, this episode Shawn welcomes a new co-host in Patrick Duffy! No, not the guy from Step By Step, even better... the guy from Prime, on the Rogue Intel Podcast Network! Subscribe to this podcast to make...
Aug 29, 2017•59 min
This is the moment you've all been waiting for: the end of the stupid James Cameron Spider-Man script from hell! It's been a long, strange trip down megalomania lane with "Professor" Octopus, A.K.A. "The Real Spider-Man" and everyone's favorite wall-crawler. We're not going to even discuss the batshit insanity that happens in this final installment because it must just be heard to be not believed. Needless to say, it's basically the Batman and Robin of the Spider-Man franchise, except nowhere ne...
Aug 01, 2017•1 hr 28 min
In this, the penultimate part of James Cameron's Spider-Man, Spidey proves himself SO BAD at maintaining his secret identity that even with a full face mask, his disguise is less convincing than Clark Kent's glasses. Beyond that, Liz and Aunt May have a Bechdel test-failing conversation, Plutonium turns out to be pretty easy to get your hands on, and traffic out of New York continues to be the real menace of the Big Apple. PLEASE NOTE: We do not make any money off this podcast. But when people l...
Jul 25, 2017•1 hr 12 min
As Halloween comes about at Empire State University, find out what the hot costumes are this year (1993)! Learn about J. Jonah Jameson's amazing photo reconstruction powers! Find out just how little protection a cinched robe offers against gunshots! Marvel (HA!) at Spider-Man's complete inability to mourn his departed loved ones! And finally, witness the first full-on confrontation between Doctor Octopus and the Amazing Spider-Man! All on this week's thrilling episiode of Table Reads! Of course,...
Jul 18, 2017•1 hr 17 min
Picking up after Prof. Octavius' totally preventable lab accident, things kick into top gear as Peter finds himself tussling with the same spider that gave Ock so much grief and quickly discovering that he is a wrestler. Meanwhile, Doc Ock is in the hospital, unconscious... so we have to wait until the middle of the episode to hear him mutter "Okey...Dokey!" Also, I think Aunt May has Alzheimers. That bitch is battier than a Gotham Billionaire. Oh, and Peter is the WORST at maintaining his secre...
Jul 11, 2017•1 hr 8 min
In 1993, James Cameron took a pretty decent script for a Spider-Man film, gave it his magic touch and then turned in one of the worst scripts ever written! In this first part, we meet a demented college professor obsessed with destroying the universe... BEFORE he becomes a supervillain! We also meet Peter Parker, a hapless college student who has no luck with the ladies! Joining them are some girls, a jock, a nerdy friend, a completely unimportant spider, and some university administrators. And ...
Jul 04, 2017•1 hr 13 min
It's an action-packed finale as Roger, Jessica, Richie and a calvacade of Toons take on the Nazis and try to save the Allied leaders from a nefarious plot! Will we win the war? Will Roger and Jessica live happily ever after? Will Roger ever find his real mother? HINT: All these questions have the same answer. We at Table Reads would like to once again give screenwriter Nat Mauldin massive kudos for such a funny, well-executed script. Our normal fare is mockery, but this script is beyond good; it...
Jun 27, 2017•1 hr 22 min
In part 4 of the too-good-not-to-have-been-made Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, our brave, ink-based heroes (and their human friends) are fully engaged in war against the Nazis, fighting for love, and up against a nefarious plot to kill the leaders of the Allied Forces! Meanwhile, Shawn and Trevor keep hoping for something to make this script bad enough to be worthy of this show, but are disappointed as it just keeps being excellent! If you want more good scripts like this one, there's probably a p...
Jun 20, 2017•1 hr 5 min
The 52nd Episode of Table Reads marks one full year of content on our show! (Please ignore how long it took to make it to one year... time is relative). This Anniversary episode, we see Roger Rabbit, his friends, and all the other Toons from Toontown join in the war effort against the Nazis! That's right, THIS is the Toon Patrol of the title. Turns out, the movie isn't just about the weasels in Judge Doom's employ. Sort of a confusing subtitle to use for this particular prequel, huh? Only here o...
Jun 13, 2017•1 hr 16 min
Continuing onto part two of the not-at-all-terrible-but-inappropriately-named Roger Rabbit prequel, Roger Rabbit 2, Roger and Richie become roommates and jump into the bustling Hollywood dating pool. There are acting auditions, chases involving angry military men and, of course, an ominous portent of Pearl Harbor! And the best part is, it's actually funny! Like, intentionally! (don't get used to it) Join in the fun with Roger and the gang, subscribe if you'd like the content as soon as it posts ...
May 30, 2017•1 hr
In honor of Table Reads reaching 50 episodes, we have a special treat that breaks tradition: A legitimately GOOD script! That's right, the aborted prequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, it turns out, is a genuinely good, fun read. But it's our special treat to you and not just an accident because we don't read these things in advance, no sir. Why it's still called "Roger Rabbit 2" when it's a prequel is anyone's guess, and we've yet to meet any Toon Patrol, but this script shows Roger's humble roo...
May 23, 2017•1 hr 16 min
It's the shocking finale of The Crow 3: Resurrection (of the 80s)! That's right, the late-90s homage to the best of 80s Cop Action Flicks Wrapped in a Crow Premise finally wraps up as we discover the secret of the bad guy's plot, establish The Crow in the familiar face-painted guise we're familiar with and find out what the hell the creature in that box is! HAHA, JUST KIDDING. Literally none of those things happen (Spoiler). All that we really learn is that you can cobble together a sequel to a ...
May 16, 2017•1 hr 33 min
Kato and his partner Sarah are finally reunited, but Kato is promptly taken away by men in white coats because no one believes that he's part of a secret government agency under the direct purview of the president. Also, Lacking a Danny or a Kelly for the girl roles, Shawn attempts to read Sarah as Jim Gaffigan's "audience thought" voice for the entire script. Will Kato convince his partner that he's a super secret agent? Will we ever see some Crow-style makeup? Will this script ever begin to ma...
May 09, 2017•1 hr 3 min
We're a little late posting this morning because, while everyone was worried about a writer's strike causing a stoppage of quality content, WE were up all night following the news because we were worried we'd lose the awful garbage that keeps us sustained. Speaking of which: It's time for part 4 of The Crow 3: Resurrection! Now that our hero has finally started some post-near-death badassery (aka, dick-ripping), surely this script will get into more familiar Crow territory and become the neo-got...
May 02, 2017•1 hr 11 min
The Crow 3: Die Hard and then Come Back for Revenge continues onto part three! Kato, still in a drooly, catatonic state, drools some more! The bad guys have a bad drug and a mysterious creature in a mysterious box! There are JUNKIES! And a mean HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR! Will our hero manage to persevere over all these odds? Does he have enough drool to save himself and the ones he loves? Does anything remotely Crow-like even happen in this Crow Sequel? LISTEN AND FIND OUT! THEN SUBSCRIBE!...
Apr 25, 2017•1 hr 9 min
In honor of Easter, which was mere days ago, we continue reading The Crow 3: Resurrection (because, get it, Easter... Resurrection..?)! In Part 2, things pick up! There's more than one scene, for one thing... That's right, there are wedding bells, interrupted by gunfire -- because why not keep checking off the cliches?? -- the events that will lead to our hero becoming the Crow finally come to pass... but apparently, that Crow is taking a long goddamn time to make its way to him. This episode fe...
Apr 18, 2017•1 hr 5 min
Happy Tuesday, Read Freaks! Today, we're bringing you part one of a new Feature; The Crow 3: Resurrection, written by the very same guy that wrote such 80s classics as 48 Hours and Die Hard... Yes, DIE HARD. And, as if to prove he had written those movies, this abandoned Crow sequel has every single 80s cop movie cliché in the book... right down to a forklift being involved in a shootout on the docks! For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by Jimie Williams and, new to Table Reads, Danny G...
Apr 11, 2017•1 hr 15 min
