We pick up with our drug dealer with a heart of gold and his mystery woman after they've gone back to her place for some... wine. We conclude Jericho's tale and move on to talking about the origins of the project and what would have come next, before conversationally meandering all over the place. This week's guests are Kelly Leveille and Jimie Williams.
Taking a break from pop culture's greatest mis-fires, the gang turns to their own oeuvre, picking a script written by Jimie, based on an idea by him and Shawn. It centers on the kind of likable drug dealer that idiot screenwriters think exist. Smart, artistic, really concerned with the well-being of their customers... you know, REALISM. This drug dealer's world is turned upside-down when he meets a mysterious woman at a coffee shop (not a Starbucks, though). This is a relatively quick read, cove...
Remember the light-hearted wonder of 1982's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial? Apparently, Stephen Spielberg didn't when, that same year, he wrote a 9 page outline for a sequel, rife with child torture, alien abduction and overtones of intergalactic race war! Oh, you think I'm joking? Then give a listen to our reading of this horrific follow-up to one of the most beloved films of all time. Guest-starring Jimie Williams!
It's been a long road, but we've finally reached the end. Welcome to the last installment of our reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! As Beetlejuice's "Juicifer" rampage continues, Lydia, along with the Beatniks (ugh), the Deetzes and Otho try to get everyone to safety and fight to stop the dreaded Beetlejuice! But how? It's not like the answer to stopping him was clearly established in the first film and even alluded to earlier in this one! Be prepared for the climactic... well, no. It's not r...
THIS IS IT! The moment you've all been waiting for! The PENULTIMATE installment of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Okay, I know you're really waiting for it to be fucking over, but this is the only way I can get through this, so let me have it, okay? ON THE UPSIDE: Beetlejuice finally gets to... Beetle..juicing...? The Ghost with the Most unleashes his full ghostitude! We also learn that screenwriter Jonathan Gems believes Easter Island to be in Hawaii (see above) and we get the most well-written, su...
Welcome back to the Deetz Paradise Resort, where you'll find more than your typical allotment of beachgoing beatniks, fuckable cacti, and culturally ambiguous hawaiian witch doctors! This week, we tackle part 6 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian by Jonathan Gems. Or it tackles us. Because, whoof. It is rough. This week features the resolution of a love quandrangle between a goth, a ghost, an inaccurately-labeled beatnik, and a catus. Well, a tree. Named Cactus. And I want to be very clear ALL OF THAT ...
Trevor, Shawn and Kelly resume reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, in which Jonathan Gems continues to prove how little he understands any of these characters, their motivations, the basic idea of the whole concept or even the art of screenwriting. There’s a surf competition, a lot of dancing, and a lot of utter fucking nonsense. Join us for part five of our Master Class in why this shit never became a movie.
It’s time to check back in with the Ghost With the Most™ as he once again is hired to perform a Bio-Exorcism of the Deetz family… but this time in Hawaii! It’s sure to be a fun— I’m lying. It’s awful. Just awful. Come join us in mocking the ever-loving fuck out of it. Guest-Starring Kelly Leviay! Also, Happy Valentine’s Day! Please Note: This is actually, really Part 4… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 3. That is incorrect....
This week on Table Reads, we continue our very-serious and respectful read of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian with the gravitas it truly deserves. As Lydia struggles to overcome the burden of her tedious family, she makes friends with some beatniks, proving conclusively that the screenwriter has no idea what a beatnik is. And MAYBE Beetlejuice turns up somewhere. ou’ll have to listen to find out for sure. Please Note: This is actually, really Part 3… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused...
The Ghost with the Most is Back! …ish. Join us for Part 2 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian and learn what happens when the baddest Bio-exprcist to ever tame a sand worm visits a tropical paradise! That is, if the script can move the story along that far. With special guest, Kelly Leviay!
Okay, we promised you a new original script this week, but things didn’t work out with scheduling. So, instead, we bring you one we have been ITCHING to do! That’s right, the never-to-be sequel: Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Really, the title says it all. For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by real human girl, Kelly Leviay (no more terrible falsettos!). Come marvel at the amazingly poor writing of Jonathan Gems, screenwriter for Mars Attacks.
The last Speed Read for a while (barring some unforeseen issue), we present to you what would have been a touching and thought-proving piece of drivel, had it ever been completed. This is another unfinished script by Shawn, who once again proves that he’s better than Trevor at totally failing to finish a script! Also, it was Shawn’s birthday two days ago! What do you mean, you forgot to get him a present? All he wanted was for you to SUBSCRIBE! Better do it now. Better late than never....
As we work diligently to get more full episodes ready for your voracious consumption, this week we’re bringing you another Speed Read… this time, it’s a script written by Shawn. Rather, it’s a script that Shawn got an entire PAGE into before abandoning. And boy, is it douchey! But don’t take our word for it, give it a listen! We’ll probably have one more Speed Read next week before resuming regular episodes, so be sure to subscribe so you can get them as soon as they post!
Happy 2017, everyone! We’re still off for the holidays, so we have a Speed Read for you: A shorter script that comes in shorter than our usual episoides, just to remind you that we exist! This script is called H20, sort for Hollywood 20, the movie theater that both Shawn and Jimie spent years working at. When this unfinished script was discovered floating around on a hard drive, no one could remember having written it, but as the reading progresses it becomes imminently clear that Shawn was behi...
Trevor and Shawn are out of town for the Holidays, so we recorded some short subject, quick episodes to tide you over on such occasions that we’re calling Speed Reads. This was to be the first of them, but it ended up coming in at the length of a regular episode, so we’re posting it as a regular episode. But lucky you, it’s just one part! This is a short film that Trevor wrote and even mostly filmed back in about 2000. But it was never completed so you get to experience it as a podcast. Remember...
Hey everyone, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the SHOCKING* conclusion of Carnivore! That’s right, it’s finally time to find out what’s going on with John and the soup kitchen, who’s for dinner and just who the Hell Rex Mundi really is. Strap in, it’s gonna be hack-a-licious! *In this instance “shocking” should be taken to mean “absolutely telegraphed every step of the way starting on page one.”
Welcome to the latest installment of Table Reads for the penultimate reading of Carnivore by the Wachowskis. Here, we see the script’s downward progression in quality and not-suck-itude continue, as… Okay, I don’t remember what happens in this episode. We recorded it like a month ago and I haven’t had time to re-listen to it. YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO BE SURPRISED.
Okay, NOW things are getting good! Which, as you should know by now, means bad. This is the spisode where the script (Carnivore by the Wachowskis) gets pretty ridiculous. It is pretty great fun and we’re glad to have you join us for the fun. With special guest Jimie Williams! And remember, if you hate this podcast, click subscribe. Oh, boy, do we hate when people do that!
Welcome back to part 2 of Carnivore by the Wachowskis… Part 1 was actually better than anticipated and didn’t leave too much room for mockery. But not to worry, Part 2 improves… by which I mean, worstens. Which is more fun! With special guest Jimie Williams! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving (or, if you’re not in the US: Thursday)! Also, please subscribe. Pretty please. Someone told me begging works. No, it wasn’t a woman, why do you ask?
It’s a NEW SCRIPT!! This week, we start reading the first, unfulfilled script by The Wachowski Brothers (at the time) Larry and Andy (now Lana and Lilly). The script is called Carnivore and has never been unleashed on the world… until now. Join us as we learn that, yes, even successful filmmakers like the Wachowskis can start their careers thinking they’re far more clever than they actually are. Listen as they lay the most glaringly obvious foreshadowing in the history of cinema. With special gu...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice was re-unleashed on the world this summer, in the form of an even longer pile of garbage, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice was re-unleashed on the world this summer, in the form of an even longer pile of garbage, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice was re-unleashed on the world this summer, in the form of an even longer pile of garbage, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice was re-unleashed on the world this summer, in the form of an even longer pile of garbage, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you...
YES, I KNOW! It has been MONTHS since part 3! It started as a technical error and then…whatever, it’s here now. And the rest of the episodes for this script are scheduled for every Tuesday, as is proper and right. So you can enjoy the rest unencumbered with fear that you won’t reach the stunning finale!If you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to present “Asylum: Batman vs. Superman!” This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would ...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice is coming out to own soon, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you’ve probably noticed by now that we stop to mock shit a lot and...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice is coming out to own soon, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you’ve probably noticed by now that we stop to mock shit a lot and...
Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice is coming out to own soon, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been! To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you’ve probably noticed by now that we stop to mock shit a lot and...
Hey, did you know that Back to the Future was originally written in 1981, featured a refrigerator-based time machine, an organ grinder monkey named Shemp and a bonkers ending? It stalled out for a few years before being rewritten as the movie we all know and love but we wanted to explore what might have been, if only someone had jumped at that original draft. This is our first foray into material outside our own body of work and we had a LOT of fun with it! Unlike what we’ve done so far, there’s...
Hey, did you know that Back to the Future was originally written in 1981, featured a refrigerator-based time machine, an organ grinder monkey named Shemp and a bonkers ending? It stalled out for a few years before being rewritten as the movie we all know and love but we wanted to explore what might have been, if only someone had jumped at that original draft. This is our first foray into material outside our own body of work and we had a LOT of fun with it! Unlike what we’ve done so far, there’s...
