[Ed] We recently recorded an episode where we talked about our first full swap experience. [Ed] It was quite memorable for us and a lot of you really liked that episode as well. [Ed] As a matter of fact, it's been our most popular video up to this point. [Ed] But we had some questions. We had some listener comments that we really think we can address. [Ed] So we're going to, in this episode, talk about the things that we didn't talk about.
[Phoebe] In that episode, I'm excited. I love listener questions and comments because it sparks [Unknown] conversation and we get to sit here and have more fun conversations with each other. [Phoebe] Yeah, definitely. Okay, so you're going to read the comment, right? Or the question? [Unknown] Yes, I'm going to. All right, so here's the question. This was from The Ranch Hand. [Ed] It's too bad you didn't discuss the psychological reactions you had.
[Ed] Seems like for the first time doing that full swap, it was just like a nothing burger. [Ed] I was kind of curious which your reactions were to see each other in that situation with another [Ed] person. That would have been a great topic as I know people that have tried and some of the [Ed] emotional stuff that came up around it was pretty intense. All right, let's talk about some of our [Ed] first time feelings because that was one part of his questions. And I guess the first part of that
[Phoebe] is why did we do it? That's easy for me because we knew them pretty well. We had been on several [Phoebe] meet and greets. We had been on a boat day meet and greet gathering. [Unknown] So, gosh, I think we had probably spent a good, I don't know, it's hard to calculate how many hours. [Phoebe] We've known them for many, many hours on several occasions. Right, right. So talking with them,
[Phoebe] hanging out with them was really lovely and I felt extremely comfortable around her. And I think [Unknown] it was mostly, well, it was the both of them, but her first, my comfort level with her first is [Phoebe] key and it has honestly always been key for me in a lifestyle. If I'm not having a connection with [Phoebe] the woman, it's not happening. I have to be 100% comfortable with her. I mean, not 100% but
[Ed] very comfortable. So in your mind, was was it the relationship with the couple or was it more [Ed] just the vibe? You know, the hormones were going and everything was super exciting. [Phoebe] It was definitely what I said before, which was the amount of time we spent getting to know them [Phoebe] that they were easy to get to know that there was a good match, right. There was a good [Phoebe] gel and nice flirtatious vibe that was going on. And it was really comfortable with the wife,
[Phoebe] very comfortable. And I think the environment also probably helped, especially at that particular [Phoebe] party that night that we decided to full swap with them because it was a comfortable environment. [Phoebe] Well, it was a little uncomfortable for me because there was a fair amount of people I didn't know. [Phoebe] So I wasn't completely comfortable in that home because I'd never been to the home before.
[Phoebe] Right. I've never met a bunch of those people. But that couple that we full swapped with, [Phoebe] I knew them and they were my point people to kind of gravitate to. So I guess, in a sense, [Unknown] that really helped me be more comfortable because I was gravitating to them. [Ed] Yeah, and I was going to say, and I'm pretty sure we mentioned this in the original episode, [Ed] and it was we'd spent a long time talking about it and debating it. And they kind of
[Ed] checked a bunch of boxes for us in terms of comfort level and attractiveness. We just thought [Ed] that they were the right couple to do that. Like if we were going to do it with anybody, [Ed] it was going to be with them. Yeah. Because it just made the most sense. [Ed] I think we'd spent a lot of time with them, not just familiarity with different events, [Ed] but like the conversations we'd had with them, like we'd kind of gotten to know them pretty well.
[Phoebe] Yeah. Yeah. Which was, I guess, an usual past that point because throughout our journey, [Phoebe] we've basically just been DTF. We rarely spent that much time getting to know a couple. I think [Phoebe] they were rare. Yeah. And honestly, our first time was, was lovely. It was nice. I'm glad it was [Ed] them. Yeah. And to be clear, DTF in this particular instance or this scenario was down to full swap.
[Unknown] brackets because we hadn't full swapped yet. Right. So down to do other shenanigans. [Unknown] Everything. But that right. Right. Right. I remember the next question really in here is about [Ed] watching each other. And while it was going on, I don't think we watched each other that much. [Ed] I mean, we kind of looked over to see what was going on. And there was definitely some conversation
[Ed] between the two couples. But I don't, I don't think I spent a lot of time like watching what was [Unknown] going on. I was pretty focused on what I had going on. I do remember watching. And I remember [Phoebe] being, it's probably, I don't remember. I do remember watching. Right. Because I remember seeing her. [Phoebe] And I remember reaching over and touching her. Yes. And asking to touch her. And she was touching
[Phoebe] me. We were holding hands. And I was caressing her. And, but what as far as watching goes, [Phoebe] I didn't watch a whole lot of you two having sex. Right. Because I was focused on my own experience. [Phoebe] Yes. And that's kind of what I was thinking. I did watch you two just a little bit after he and I [Phoebe] had gotten up. You guys were still going. Of course. Of course. [Phoebe] Just been your MO. The most of our, our, our experience. And, and yes, you're welcome to all those
[Phoebe] ladies. You're welcome. But I will say watching you have sex with somebody else at that point, [Phoebe] I know for a fact was not a level of comfort for me. And I've talked about this and other [Phoebe] podcasts before. It really didn't get comfortable for me until, I don't know, six, seven years in. [Ed] Yeah. Yeah. It was a very long time. It wasn't until a couple of years ago, really, that you got
[Phoebe] comfortable with that. Yeah. And it wasn't like we were swinging like once a year or even twice a [Unknown] year. You were very active. Yeah. Yeah. So I, the reason for that is watching hold my focus away [Unknown] from my own experience. So I didn't like to do that. Plus, it didn't really do anything for me. [Phoebe] It didn't turn me on. It didn't make me jealous. It didn't make me envious.
[Phoebe] It just did nothing. Yeah. So I was usually more interested in what was going on with the other [Phoebe] woman. I, you know, I wanted to touch her. I wanted to be next to her. And by default, I would, [Phoebe] I would see what was going on. Obviously, the pleasure you were giving her. But [Ed] wasn't really like wanting to sing for you. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas the guys are like, oh, yeah, I
[Phoebe] want to watch. Yeah. So it was, it was interesting. And I, I don't, I don't still to this day, don't [Phoebe] really know what switched in my mind. And maybe it is that we are at a level of comfort with one [Phoebe] another, what, 12 years in because most people that are age that starts winging have been in 20 [Phoebe] year relationships, 30 year relationships. They've got that bond. They've had kids together.
[Phoebe] We didn't have kids together. We weren't married when we started. We didn't have that rock foundation. [Phoebe] Right. So I, you know, I'm guessing that's maybe what it was. I wish I knew what switched in my, [Phoebe] in my mind, but now I love watching. In fact, I love watching to the point where I will actually [Unknown] just sit back and eat the popcorn and not even participate. I'll just watch. It's been a pretty
[Unknown] big shift recently. Which is nice. For sure. It's fun. I, I actually enjoy that now. Yeah. You [Unknown] really like it. It's a lot of fun for you. Yeah. And when I was describing how I, I didn't watch, [Ed] I think a lot of it was the environment and other than kind of looking over to see what was going on. [Ed] But I think a lot of it too, I, I do enjoy watching and kind of sitting back on the bed and
[Ed] watching you do your thing. And that kind of didn't happen that night all that much. I think we were [Ed] really kind of compartmentalizing and, and being focused on what was going on. So [Ed] we need your help so that your community, the very one you love and have so much fun with can also [Ed] find our show. Here's a really easy way to do that. If you're listening on Apple podcasts or [Ed] Spotify, hit that follow button and leave us a rating. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe
[Ed] and turn on notifications. We can't emphasize enough how much this helps the swing our community. [Ed] And it truly is up to you to make that happen. It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners [Ed] can even find us. And here's the thing. When someone searches Swinger Podcast, the algorithm [Ed] doesn't care how good our content is or how long we've been around. It only cares about ratings
[Unknown] and reviews. We'd appreciate it. And your community will really appreciate it. Thanks for listening. [Phoebe] There, well, and our brains were overwhelmed with all the stimulus. There's so many things that [Phoebe] are running through your mind and of course, you know, hormones coursing through your body that you, [Guest] you, you kind of just are in it. Yeah. I, I did want to articulate a little bit better what I
[Phoebe] like about watching now. Sure. And it, it comes, I think, to that concept of compersion, where [Phoebe] I can truly sit back and enjoy your enjoyment. Oh, yeah. And enjoy the enjoyment of somebody else. [Phoebe] Mm-hmm. That's receiving pleasure from you. And hearing those sounds of her pleasure and knowing [Phoebe] exactly what you're doing to her gives me joy, gives me pleasure, gives me satisfaction that,
[Phoebe] that she's deriving pleasure from an act that you're doing. And I, I don't know, it just makes me [Phoebe] warm and fuzzy. And that I, like I said, believe is that the compersion aspect. [Ed] Yeah, it's like a public service, you know, we're doing, we're doing a good thing for the community. [Phoebe] It is. We're, we're building this way or community one, one couple of times. [Phoebe] I said it a little differently. Yeah. Yeah. You got that.
[Ed] Mm-hmm. So one of the things that was in this original comment was about, like the emotional [Unknown] content of, of what we were feeling at the time. And I, I don't think we had really strong [Ed] feelings. Like the jealousy didn't come up. Now, envy didn't come up. And I think part of that was [Ed] we'd probably over-processed it in our heads in terms of like how we wanted it to go and who it was
[Ed] and all of that. Like we'd, we'd kind of played it out how it was going to go in our heads. And it [Ed] went really well. Now it could have gone poorly and it may have changed our situation, [Ed] which is probably what happens with a lot of people where they, they try some stuff and then [Unknown] those deep emotions come out. And it brings up past traumas or relationship issues or whatever. [Ed] And it just, there it is. It's like right there in your lap and you have to deal with it.
[Unknown] We didn't have a lot of that. Now you, you'd had a previous relationship where he had cheated on you. [Ed] But I kind of think we'd addressed a lot of that stuff within the first like [Unknown] six months or a year of swinging. Yeah. So a lot of conversations around that. [Ed] Yeah. Yeah. And that trauma didn't kind of come back. We kind of like put that aside. And [Ed] he was a guy you were dating. I'm not trying to diminish how that was. But it's not like your
[Unknown] husband of like 10 years was cheating on you. Right. The guy was kind of a tool to begin with and [Ed] you'd had red flags all along. And then he finally did it. And so it was kind of like [Ed] yeah, bad on me. Yeah. Yeah. And and well, really bad on him. But just it wasn't too [Ed] unexpected. But it was disappointing, I think, for you. Well, yeah.
[Phoebe] The the cheated. Oh, yeah. Well, and it rocked my world. It made me question [Phoebe] how could I not know about what does that say about me as a person to not be able to [Phoebe] to acknowledge those red flags and honor those and and why didn't I see it. Right. And so I [Phoebe] I felt like wow, I can't even I can't even pick a good one. Right. So it became a [Phoebe] beating myself up about it as well. Yeah, exactly. You were very kind to yourself about that.
[Ed] No, and realizing that the guy was kind of sticky. He did all the right things because he was quite [Phoebe] the salesman. Oh, yeah, he was he was 100% and it's really good. Yeah, salesman. [Phoebe] Now, there was something else you were touching on where we have experienced NBA I have with [Phoebe] and jealousy with another couple early on. And that played into your connection with her was [Unknown] stronger than my connection with him. Right. So you and the woman were just
[Phoebe] vibing off of each other big time just massively. And me and the guy weren't so much. And [Phoebe] I am also a slow warmer so and you aren't so you're you know 10 miles down the road and I'm [Phoebe] way back here. Yeah. So when we are at a sink in that way, it it has bothered me quite a bit. Yeah,
[Phoebe] yeah. And I still I still work on that a little bit and I I know that about myself. I'm aware of it [Phoebe] and I use the appropriate language to tell myself, you know, we're fine, we're all good. [Phoebe] Or I will ask for something that I need in that moment. Right. Rather than just let the train [Unknown] get away from us because it's a group activity. Yeah. And and after that, it happened a couple times
[Unknown] and small handful of times. I was better at trying to keep pace with where you were and we both did a [Ed] better job of like checking in with each other to see, you know, where we were before we committed [Ed] to anything, et cetera, et cetera. It was an unusual circumstance that one particular night. And [Ed] if I remember right, that was the one in Reno. Yeah. Poker nights and you know,
[Ed] I know exactly what it was. And it's interesting because we've run across that couple a few times. [Ed] Yeah. And I don't have the same reaction to her as I did that one night. There was just something [Ed] about her that night that just pressed all my buttons. I don't know what it was. [Unknown] Yeah. That's awesome. So the next question we had from the same gentleman was or from somebody else
[Phoebe] was what happened to that couple. And I thought we talked a little bit about that, but we can talk [Ed] about it again. Yeah. Yeah. They they went through some some drama in their their lives. And it [Phoebe] was it was rough. It was ugly. Yeah. They they ended up getting into force. She ended up getting [Phoebe] really sick. She's better now. There's a mass of custody fight. The husband was doing shady
[Phoebe] things or accusing her of of doing things to get full custody. Right. It was your typical like [Phoebe] really ugly, really ugly dirty. But to the point where I mean it was he was filing false reports [Phoebe] and things like that. Right. Whether it was true or not, I don't really know because I didn't [Unknown] know them that well. Well, we tended to back off at that point because that wasn't anything we
[Ed] wanted to get involved in. I had just been through a divorce and didn't want to deal with all that. [Ed] They go ahead. I was just going to say and this happened a couple of years after we continue to [Ed] interact with them and hang out with them. And I'm pretty sure we had sex with them a number of [Phoebe] times after that before we found out before we found out about you as a serial cheater. Cheater.
[Phoebe] Yeah. Which was a whole other thing. And they they were pretty heavy drug users which we didn't [Phoebe] know about until later. So that came out as well. Um, giving drugs to their kids things like that. [Phoebe] I mean, their kids were of age but still it was there was some really crazy dynamics, [Phoebe] family dynamics going on there that weren't the most healthy in my in my humble perspective. But
[Ed] yeah, they kind of pros and cons with what they were doing in that particular case. And it's [Ed] I guess the closest equivalent that most people can deal with is, you know, your your kid comes of [Unknown] age for drinking. And so you you set them down and you have your first drink with them [Ed] in a controlled environment where they're not you know that they're safe, et cetera, et cetera. [Ed] Well, they use the same rationale with yeah, the ecstasy. But right. I mean, you know,
[Unknown] there's pros and cons to that. I can see both sides. Yeah. Right. It's a little bit, but yeah. [Phoebe] All in all, they they they were lovely people at the time. Mm-hmm. Things got ugly. I'm sure [Unknown] they're still lovely people. A lot of challenges. Yeah. The other unfortunate part was the family, [Phoebe] their extensive family was informed of their lifestyle. Right. And that made it even more.
[Ed] Yeah, they kind of ugly. I don't know if they outed themselves or if he kind of outed them, [Ed] something happened and the family found out. And it was they pretty much lost all their family, [Phoebe] which it was been was also very tragic. So it was it was a very stressful time. Yes, for sure. [Phoebe] A stressful time. And and then as a result, they got out of the lifestyle and we haven't
[Phoebe] heard from them at all. We don't hear or see them in any of those struggles. She was at a state [Ed] he as far as I know they they moved they sold their house and moved away from from our area. So we [Phoebe] we've never run into them again. No, never. So yeah. Yeah. So that was that. [Ed] The next question we got was when was our next full swap after that first one? So we've ripped the [Ed] bandaid off now. Yeah. Pull the pin on the whatever. And we're we're going. We're we're loose.
[Ed] And I'm trying to remember who the next full swap was. It was definitely condoms. [Ed] Always. Yeah. After that, it was definitely with condoms all the time. [Ed] And I would have to say it was probably at one of the big events. And it doesn't stand out. [Ed] It wasn't our first. So it doesn't stand out as much as the the first time. Right. And [Ed] you know, it probably it was probably Miss America and and our bondage buddy. Oh,
[Ed] that was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun. That may not have been the next one. But that was like [Ed] one of the first ones after that. Yeah. Where it was a big Halloween event. And we ended up being [Phoebe] extra neighbors to them. And we got and we got we we had a really hard time trying to find other [Phoebe] couples. I do remember trying to date other couples from the dating adult dating sites. Yep.
[Phoebe] And we'd had a couple dinner dates and drink date and date was a big mistake. [Phoebe] It was too too much commitment. Yeah. We were locked into a booth. We couldn't get up. It was [Phoebe] was just not a great experience as I destroy my studio here. And we we couldn't figure out [Phoebe] what we were doing wrong. Yeah. We were like, okay, we finally got everything right. And now [Guest] everything was wrong again. And it was really disheartening. Sure. And that's when we found our
[Phoebe] group with orgies and being DTF. Right. And it we made some really great connections in that [Ed] regard. And that's where we hit our stride. Yeah. A lot of a lot of after parties at the hotel [Ed] events were I think what we spent most of our playtime for sure. And I could probably say they were [Ed] three or four couples that we ended up actually hooking up with with the dinner date kind of
[Phoebe] drink date thing the one on one situation. Oh, I don't think so. But literally like two or three. [Ed] Oh, maybe at the time. And some of them turned really weird. We've got some weird stories. [Ed] Yeah. All right. I'm going to pull up the comments from from this episode because we'd [Ed] buy as well, right? We're reading one comment. We'll read through a few more. Here's the first [Ed] comment. Top of the list. And they they learned from us or or they're they're taking their own twist
[Ed] on it. And they said, my wife wants a full swap. But I was not sure having both listened to your [Ed] experience. We have decided that we will. But with condoms. Yeah. Good. Good condoms condoms. Good. [Ed] Good. Someone had asked if we had the HPV vaccine. And if I replied at the time, but to let you [Ed] know if you haven't read the comments, we do not have the HPV vaccine because we're too old. And
[Ed] it's only administered up to a certain age. Right. And once it's once you're past that age, [Ed] they don't actually give out that vaccine. So if you're within the range, check with your doctor, [Phoebe] it's worth getting vaccinated for. I do have an update on that. However, because we are in a community [Phoebe] that we will list in this video that we love, I have the amazing pleasure of being part of
[Phoebe] the lady section part of that community. Anyone can well, you can't, but any lady can. [Phoebe] And one of the women asked her general practitioner to give her that vaccine, even though she was [Phoebe] past that age limit. Interesting. She had the fight to get it. I just didn't think it was effective. [Phoebe] It I think what it is is a little more risky to your health. [Ed] As you start to age, that makes sense. And she really wanted it, she checked with her doctor,
[Phoebe] and they agreed, okay, but they they had to really fight for it. And I, I swear she said [Phoebe] her husband got it too. And I don't didn't think that that was a thing for men. Yeah. [Phoebe] So maybe it was just her, but she, she did get it after that age, age limit. So if you want it, [Ed] push for it. Yeah. Talk to your definitely talk to your physician and see if it's an option
[Ed] and what the risks are. Yeah. This comment, things haven't changed a lot since we were in the lifestyle [Ed] 40 years ago. Our very first experience was attending a swimmer's dance with maybe 75 or so people [Ed] there. We got invited to a party after the dance to which we obviously said yes. You guys took [Ed] a full year and a half for your first full swap question mark. We did it at the first party and
[Ed] never looked back. It was great. I'll leave it there for now. I know, I know a lot of people that [Unknown] have done that. But yeah, jump in both feet. Right. No regrets. Yes. And we've seen people do that [Phoebe] and then leave a lifestyle six months later. But we've also seen people do that that have [Unknown] been together. That's I think the key. They, they've been together for many, many years.
[Phoebe] We hadn't been together for very long. No. Like a year. Yeah. So yeah. Oh, and there's, [Ed] there's the ranch hands comment. I will go past that because we did this whole episode just for you. [Unknown] Not just for you, but this particular comment says don't sugarcoat what the other couple did. [Ed] They lied or at least one of them did, which is true. And we've commented on that a number of times
[Ed] that yeah, they did. Infidelity in the lifestyle is almost worse than infidelity in a committed [Unknown] monogamous relationship. They're both bad. But in a non monogamous relationship, everybody else [Ed] who's engaged with that couple is also experiencing that infidelity. So if they're out there [Ed] playing unsafely and maybe contracting STIs, any of their partners that are in lifestyle are also
[Ed] going to be experiencing that. And if they're lying about it, oh, we're exclusive or we're a [Ed] limited group and only our group do we play bear back with, which we've heard a number of times. [Ed] Based on our experience, that's not really enough to go by because and it's not really true. [Ed] People kind of step out from their relationships or they forgot. Oh, yeah, there was that one other
[Ed] girl or that other couple or that unicorn or that one time at Bandcamp. Yeah, or you're at the [Phoebe] club and you hit it off with somebody and you want to seize the moment. You're not going to be [Phoebe] like calling up. You're your your couple at 10 o'clock or 1 a.m. the morning. Hey, I know we have [Phoebe] an agreement that I'm not supposed to be bear back with anybody else, but can I with this girl tonight?
[Ed] It's 1 a.m. Can you give it back to me? Hello, you just need a group text message and you just send it [Ed] to everybody when we're like, we're going to get down with this other one. You've all been notified. [Unknown] There you go. Yeah, this one, this was a nice comment. That was a great story. You both sound like [Ed] you are a wonderful couple and very nice people. Thank you for sharing that. Oh,
[Unknown] someone else asked, did you do oral? No, I don't think we did not. No, we did not. [Ed] We went straight. Yeah. Yeah. No for play. Straight to business. [Ed] That time. Most of the rest of the time, we're all about the the for play. Yeah. [Ed] Never heard about this before. It sounds like a fleeting experience. How does it affect quality [Ed] of your life overall? I'm not judging. The effects of intimacy stay with me long, long after
[Ed] the real-time experience. I think this was a general comment about swinging in general. Yeah. [Phoebe] That's a good question. It is a good question. Are we going to talk about that? Yeah. Okay. [Ed] I think swinging in general is a series of fleeting experiences. [Ed] You remember them, right? They stick with you over time. Yeah. But they're like these brief [Ed] exciting moments. Yeah. It's not the day-to-day excitement that you get with your significant
[Unknown] other or your partner. It's random. It's kind of like a hot flash. Yeah. Yes. It's like going on [Phoebe] a vacation and you get this high from going on vacation and you're just like, oh my god, [Phoebe] that was the best vacation. Right. Right. And then over time, it peeders out. Now, I will say [Phoebe] that level of intimacy never, it didn't, I don't want to say. I didn't experience it until
[Unknown] we introduced a single male to our dynamic. Right. Which we just talked about in our last episode. [Unknown] Right. So for intimacy, I didn't experience that. And maybe part of that is that we just didn't [Phoebe] know the couples that well. We were in orgies. We were DTF. We knew them well enough [Phoebe] to have good conversation and things like that. But we didn't know them. And we were [Phoebe] in place situations that were always public and exposed because we're, we're, you know,
[Phoebe] we're exhibitionists. So we aren't having quiet, intimate, slow moments with the lights in [Phoebe] the bedroom and no one else is around and the music is, but we're not, not that that's what intimacy [Phoebe] is. But I always think intimate is going to be, it's going to be more focused. Right. And [Unknown] we have had a few sessions with a few couples where, you know, those were focused moments. But
[Phoebe] I didn't get that. I guess it was intimate. Yeah. I guess it was. So in a non public space, [Phoebe] it's more intimate, but the, the feels from which, which is different than intimacy [Unknown] was way more apparent with the single male. Yeah. And I think that's a really good distinction [Ed] between like emotional attachments or hormonal attachments and having an intimate moment [Unknown] with someone. Because I think, I think we've had a small number of really intimate experiences
[Phoebe] with particular couples. Oh, Chico was a really good, that was a really good one. And I think the, [Ed] the New Year's party with all the lights were at the end of the night. It was like 4 a.m. And we, [Ed] we hadn't full swapped with any of the couples there. It was just soft swap with everybody. Yeah. [Ed] That was amazing. And it was very intimate. And everybody was really in touch with each other.
[Phoebe] And it was, it was fantastic. Yeah. It was like this pink glow in the room. And everyone was just [Phoebe] mushy and cuddly. Yeah. Glowy. And yeah, it was lovely. It was, it was a great experience. Yeah. [Ed] Yeah. Here's an interesting question. Was there a doctor there to test everybody for STDs? [Phoebe] No. No. And that's not how it works. So there probably was a doctor there, but he wasn't testing.
[Unknown] No. And testing really doesn't work until you are starting to show symptoms or that you can run [Ed] a test and detect it. And so the viral or bacterial load has to build up in your system before [Ed] it's even visible in tests. Right. So you could have sex with someone and get a blood test [Ed] right that minute. And it's not going to tell you anything, even if they are just [Unknown] overflowing with STIs. That's right. It just doesn't work. You're still going to take anywhere from
[Phoebe] seven to gosh, sometimes seven days, sometimes to like 90 days for some of the STIs. Or longer for [Phoebe] someone, which is why you always retest and not have partners in between. Yes. And using condoms, [Ed] so learn from our mistake. Not that we ended up with an STI, but no, it was a mistake, for sure. [Ed] Hi, guys. Love your videos. My partner and I are new to this. And we are getting the impression
[Ed] that most of the sex at that event you were describing was unprotected. Yours clearly was, as you [Ed] described it. What about the other folks? You didn't mention any lube and condom jars supplied by [Ed] the host. I thought this was the norm. Is this typical in larger events? Like this cruises, [Ed] swinger clubs, we're not judging. We're just trying to get ready for our first time. Typically? Yeah,
[Ed] there are looms and condoms in a room. There's a small basket. It's hit and miss depends on [Phoebe] the venue. If it's a club, right in Texas or other areas that can have a sex club, then yes, [Phoebe] they will provide those larger events will provide those. But for the most part, women are picky [Phoebe] about their lube and men are picky about their condoms. And women are also picky about their condoms
[Phoebe] because some have latex allergies and some can't use homicide in their condoms. So most women [Phoebe] bring their own. And a lot of people did bring their own. This was a house party. They didn't [Phoebe] supply that. Yeah. So everyone just brought their own. We brought our own. We did. We did. We just [Ed] did. And I will say I don't recall condoms at hedonism. No. And I don't recall ever seeing condoms
[Ed] at on the cruises. Right. So really big events typically not. Your average house party. Yeah, [Ed] typically they'll put some some lube out and some condoms that house parties that we've been to. [Ed] But that's yeah, about half of them. Yeah, it's up to the discretion of the hosts. Yeah. [Ed] In terms of unprotected sex, I don't recall if unprotected sex was the norm at that party. [Guest] Here's why we sail on virgin. It's adults only. No kids screaming at breakfast. No family buffet
[Guest] lines. Just champagne at noon late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. [Guest] The vibe. Think boutique hotel that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants [Guest] you'd actually pay for on land. Plus when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how [Guest] to have fun, let's just say virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder bread
[Unknown] cruisers here. Just your people. I don't know. There's a lot of shenanigans in the hot tub. So [Unknown] perhaps. Yeah. Yeah. But I, you know, I wasn't really paying attention. I wasn't really paying [Phoebe] attention. Like you you want it to look and want and enjoy what's going on in front of you, [Phoebe] but you're not like analyzing, you know, you're not like being a creeper. And we weren't looking
[Phoebe] specifically for that either. Right. Sometimes light is low. Sometimes you don't see it. [Phoebe] And we got to catch somebody in the moment putting one on all you can't always see it on somebody. [Unknown] So it was a little bit hard to tell. This is another one. The no condom was a shocker after being [Ed] in the lifestyle for a few years. I, pardon me, I had a repeat partner that just took my condom off
[Ed] and kept going later after an HIV scare. I told my wife at the time I was out. We tested negative, [Ed] but our usual couple tested positive. A few couples at that time, what tested positive. We were [Ed] lucky to get out negative. We saw a few couples split and it wasn't pretty. This was back when we
[Ed] lived in central Florida, big scene there. Be safe, condom, condom, condom. Yeah. 100% agree. And [Ed] it's, it was one of those like key to the moment things and it could have been very bad. [Phoebe] It could have been really bad. And I, I honestly attribute that to just our, our level of confidence. [Phoebe] Speaking up, using our words. Right. So we were so excited in the moment. We didn't want to ruin
[Phoebe] the mood. It wouldn't have ruined the mood. We didn't know that we were awkward. Yeah. [Phoebe] You know, it just, yeah, it wasn't our best decision. And we rectified that very quickly [Ed] because we got scared. Yeah. This is another ST, STI question. One major, major thing that [Ed] prevents me from doing that is that we might get some venereal disease. How do you know the other [Ed] people are disease free? I can't bring myself to get with another girl not knowing anything about
[Ed] her any tips. You know, you don't know. It's a, it is a level of risk, but that is exactly why you [Ed] wear condoms because you put as much protection as you can on. And you do a risk assessment. We did our [Phoebe] own risk assessment that fit us and our life. And we did our research. We researched all the risks [Phoebe] for all the STIs. How they're cured. What happens when you get them? How long it, you know, what,
[Phoebe] what does it look like when you get one? Right. Right. How long does it last? We went to the CDC [Phoebe] and a whole bunch of other websites and did our research. Yep. And our level of risk at the time [Guest] we started was different when we were raising kids. Yeah. Versus, you know, not raising kids. So we [Phoebe] and as we've progressed in the lifestyle, we've we've learned more about STIs and medicines have
[Phoebe] changed. They've, they've got prep now and other preventative medicines. What's the other way? Not [Phoebe] prep is the preventative one, but what's the other one? There's a pet also. A pet. That's the one I was [Phoebe] thinking of. Yeah. So your risk level may be different based on, you know, what you've got going [Phoebe] on in your life. And who, who you need to be, be there for your, your health, your personal health,
[Phoebe] how you feel about that. I have a really good friend who, who is a professor germaphobe and she is [Phoebe] really, really picky about what she will do and with who and how and if you want to have sex with [Phoebe] her, you basically have to walk into the room like you're a surgeon. Yeah. It's suit me up, doctor. [Unknown] Yeah. Yeah. So everyone's different. Yeah. And a number of other people commented on, you know,
[Ed] STIs just in general. And one thing I want to be really clear about, because I think there's a [Unknown] misconception with swingers that, you know, it's a free for all and everybody's just having sex with [Ed] everybody else and, you know, STIs are pretty rampant. It's actually pretty low in terms of STIs, [Ed] because people are being careful and they are using condoms generally. They are washing up in
[Phoebe] between partners. Yeah. And there's a lot of mutual respect for other couples. And so you don't [Ed] want to do that to somebody else. Right. I will say that if you are a serial monogamous or you are [Ed] a single person and you're out having a good time and you're sowing your wild oats, you're probably [Ed] at a higher risk because these are random connections. And you just, you don't know very much about
[Ed] the person that you're dating at that particular time or hooking up with from a bar. So understand [Ed] that risk is risk. And if you're not playing protected, then you are running a higher risk. So, [Phoebe] you know, and we, we, we have run into couples that are unapologetic about their position. And [Phoebe] they say, you know what? I like, I don't care. My, I don't, I don't like condoms. I play bearback. And
[Phoebe] do you know what? If I get something, there's a medicine for it. Right. We've, we've met a number of [Ed] couples. And that's our perspective. So we still choose to wear condoms with them, which is [Phoebe] their, they're right to have that position. And well, usually we don't play with people with that [Ed] perspective. That's, that's true. We know them. Oh, we, we don't. Well, yes, because you can
[Phoebe] still get STIs around the condom, depending on what's going on in the area. Correct. Yes, condoms [Ed] do not make you bulletproof. No. But they do go a long way to, to helping. Yeah. [Ed] So if there is a known STI, there's definitely things that you can do to help with that. Yeah. [Unknown] And remember, if it's the prep or the pet, but they are a, a prophylactic treatment pre STI. [Ed] So talk to your doctor. And let's see what else we have here. Yeah, I, I, you know,
[Ed] in general, I think most people were concerned about the, the STIs, the potential STI scares. And [Ed] just generally the reaction and whatever happened to that couple. So I think we covered just about [Phoebe] all of that. Perfect. Well, keep commenting and keep questioning. We'd love. I really love answering
[Ed] these questions about you. Oh, yeah. Definitely. And if you have a question that you want to ask us [Ed] directly, feel free to call us at 916-538-0482 or go to our website and do a, use our little hotline. [Phoebe] It's really cool. And we'll mask your voice and change your name if you want it. So just let us know. [Phoebe] And you can record there as well because it's completely anonymous on the website. And we'll put
[Phoebe] you on, on air. We'll put you right on the podcast. Yeah. We'd love to hear your comments. [Unknown] So let us know. And as we say, keep learning. Keep growing. And keep it sexy. [Ed] One last thing before you go, if this episode helped you in any way, [Ed] the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. [Ed] It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education.
[Ed] And we've made it easy. Visit SwingerUniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. [Ed] Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.