This week, a stranger with a shadowy past has come to Sweet Valley. Is sexy poet/barista Eric a murderer on the run, or is he perhaps running from danger himself? We’re seriously spooked, which isn’t helped by the fact that the mob boss in the book happens to also be selling property on Pardo’s street. Coincidence? Join us for a discussion of panic buttons, moral philosophies, and (yet again), troubling uses of police composites, in “The System Is Working” (Sweet Valley Super Thriller 2, On the ...
Sep 17, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Season 1Ep. 56
Cousin Kelly is visiting Sweet Valley, but the grin on her face belies a deep-seated—dare we say, repressed?—darkness that emerges only in her night terrors. Jess and Liz sense something is seriously wrong, so they support her the only way they know how: by throwing themselves into crafting costumes for the party of the week. When tensions escalate, we are forced to confront some Very Serious Issues, but the love and support of the Wakefields feels like a balm that soothes our weary hearts. Join...
Sep 10, 2024•1 hr 37 min•Season 1Ep. 55
This week, the dybbuk known as Steven is bravely grappling with one of the most serious issues we’ve encountered yet: seasonal allergies. Meanwhile, Pardo’s Instacart shopper is struggling with a multi batch. Will they be able to persevere in a world without organic mint to complete the order? Join us as we discuss the perils of pollen, the drama of anonymous love letters, and when giving gifts becomes giving inappropriate, in this week’s episode, “An Unprecedented Weaponization of Season Allerg...
Sep 03, 2024•1 hr 26 min•Season 1Ep. 54
This week, there’s a new bitch in town, and her name is…Nana? Enid’s beloved grandmother has come to stay with the family, but she’s not the warm, nurturing, cookie-baking Nana of Enid’s childhood. In fact, she’s absolutely serving c***, and giving a masterclass in passive aggression that even Robert couldn’t match. Join us for a discussion of boundaries, family, and pulpy orange juice in this week’s episode, “True Life: My Nana’s a Bitch” (Sweet Valley High #43, Hard Choices)....
Aug 27, 2024•1 hr 41 min•Season 1Ep. 53
This week, we’re back from vacation and ready to tackle the complex subject of interracial relationships. Cheerleader Sandy Bacon is dating Manuel Lopez (our first named Mexican-American character), but Sandy’s afraid to tell her parents, who are well-known racists. It’s a text that is at some points highly nuanced and (as Robert would say) well-observed, and at other points makes us convulse with rage. Join us as we discuss this complicated story, freak out over a shockingly pornographic moment...
Aug 20, 2024•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 52
A spooktacular hello to our listeners this week as we dig into our first Super Thriller! Liz and Jess have a summer job at the local paper, and it feels like business as usual—cute boys, Jess complaining about a strict boss—until we take a sharp left turn into terror. When Jess witnesses a murder and the murderer witnesses her, both Jess or Liz are in mortal danger. Join us as we break down the semiotics of parking garages, the thrill of being spooked, and much more in “He’s Definitely Problemat...
Jul 23, 2024•1 hr 37 min•Season 1Ep. 51
This week, we deal with the aftermath of a painful and shocking event that rocked Sweet Valley. Molly, our titular outcast, is being blamed and finds comfort with a shady drug dealer who’s on the lam and who—you guessed it—has a knife. Will our friends come to their senses and take action to help Molly? Or will they be forever trapped in a Hamletine paralysis? We’ll deal with grief, fundraising, and Shakespeare in “To Be Being or To Be Not Exactly Being” (Sweet Valley High #41, Outcast)....
Jul 16, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Season 1Ep. 50
If you know you know, and if you don’t know, you’re about to know real quick. This week is a Very Special Episode about a Very Special Book that rocked teenagers across the country in the 80s and continues to rock 40-year olds today. As our main character Regina thinks to herself in this book, “So this was cocaine.” Robert and Pardo are for the first time physically co-present for the occasion, and the vibes are… off. Grab an iced tea and join us for “A Drug Dealer Who Loves a Pun” (Sweet Valley...
Jul 09, 2024•1 hr 49 min•Season 1Ep. 49
It’s a tale of three catfishes at Sweet Valley High this week as the school paper’s new personals column causes ripples among the students. But who will get matched with Mr. Right, and who will find Mr. Too Good to Be True? As the truth unfolds, we encounter secrets that should have stayed hidden, history’s most erotic baklava scene, and a sociology student with a flagrant disregard for research ethics in “A Frisson of Awkwardness” (Sweet Valley High #39, Secret Admirer)....
Jul 02, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Season 1Ep. 48
This week, we get to play that classic party game, Swiss Boarding School Telephone, as Liz applies for a competitive scholarship that would allow her to move to Switzerland to study. Luckily, Jessica is around to throw a wrench in the plans by impersonating Liz and hitting on the middle aged man sent to interview her (among others). Join us as we discuss the allure of foreign lands, the moral quandaries that an ill-begotten lottery ticket creates, and the social fact of a yawn on this week’s epi...
Jun 25, 2024•1 hr 20 min•Season 1Ep. 47
This week, rumor(s?) are flying around Sweet Valley High as everyone tries to figure out mysterious Susan Stewart’s real background—is her mother secretly a movie star? Foreign royalty? A murderer? An upholstergeist (duh, a ghost in a chair)? Turns out, it doesn’t matter at all because her dad is a famous director, and men are the only people who matter anyway! We really dodged a bullet there! Join us as we talk about families as an economic construct, women’s work, timekeeping, geriatric pregna...
Jun 18, 2024•1 hr 19 min•Season 1Ep. 46
The powerful feminist message of this week’s text caused Robert to weep. Our lead character, Johanna, has painfully low self esteem because sadly, in addition to being beautiful, she’s gifted only at math and science and not music like the rest of her family (don’t think about it too hard). Even worse, Johanna has a crush on Peter, a (hot) narcissist who doesn’t even understand that simplicity is elegance when it comes to software engineering and who ignores her completely. In the end, though, s...
Jun 11, 2024•1 hr 26 min•Season 1Ep. 45
This week, we finally get what we’re all been waiting for—a real carnival! Add to that a wild horse, a torturous tour of the farm, a fake twin swap, and overprotective relatives who seem hellbent on ruining all the fun, and you have this complete banger of a super edition! Join us as we explore the lovely town of Walkersville, Kansas in “It Doesn’t Feel like Gingham to Me” (Sweet Valley High Super Edition #6, Spring Fever).
Jun 04, 2024•1 hr 7 min•Season 1Ep. 44
Something’s rotten in Sweet Valley this week: cases of expired Tofu-Glo in the Wakefields’ garage. Tofu-Glo is, naturally, the soy-based beauty MLM that Jessica has joined—and THAT’S the b-plot! In the A-plot, homosexual tension is sizzling. When Liz’s boyfriend Jeffrey starts spending more time with his soccer teammate Aaron, she becomes increasingly frustrated pondering what happens behind the locker room doors. Join us as we watch Liz stare in the mirror and compulsively stroke her hair, in “...
May 28, 2024•1 hr 25 min•Season 1Ep. 43
Two households, both likely split-levels, In fair Sweet Valley, where we lay our scene, From ancient pizza law, to new nonsense, Where local gossips spill the beans. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, Star-cross'd lovers in a Social Studies unit on married life; Whose homework assignments lead to realizations, and Do with simple reconciliation bury their parents' strife. Join us for “Bouillabaisse, Will You Marry Me?” (Sweet Valley High #34, Forbidden Love)...
May 21, 2024•1 hr 16 min•Season 1Ep. 42
This week, we have a story of a teen girl in the foster system struggling to find her place after moving in with her cousins. To balance out this somewhat heavy A plot, the B plot introduces an iconic Wakefield family member that listeners are sure to love. He’s a princely, snuggly treat with a healthy layer of fat under his soft shiny coat. Join us for a discussion of the foster system, puppy-rearing, and whether malls are the new Main Street, USA, in “And We *Must* Trace the Angle of Reflectio...
May 14, 2024•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 41
This week Sweet Valley is abuzz with the promise of a “Winter Carnival.” Unfortunately we get neither winter nor a carnival in this book. Instead, we have anxiety, anticipation, and a long lonely ride on a bus that is possibly driven by Santa. Luckily this gives us time for a diversion into the story of Robert’s experience on Jeopardy! Join us for “Bad Mood Holiday” (Sweet Valley High Super Edition #5, Winter Carnival)
May 07, 2024•1 hr 13 min•Season 1Ep. 40
Things are getting drastic in Sweet Valley this week—sick of being mistaken for her gorgeous sister, Jessica does the unthinkable: she dyes her hair black! Don’t worry, darling, she still looks amazing and is channeling European elegance to give the performance of a lifetime. Join us for a discussion of the semiotics of lifestyle, identical twin psychology, and so on, and so on, and so on! in “The identity and the hairdo” (Sweet Valley High #32, The New Jessica).
Apr 30, 2024•1 hr 29 min•Season 1Ep. 39
This week, we’ve got one of the hottest matchmaking duels of all time! What’s a matchmaking duel? No one knows. Even so, come for the introduction of one of the sexiest characters in modern literature (try to describe Jeffrey Froooonch without using the word “simmering,” we dare you), an exploration of philanthropy under late capitalism, and an anecdote about Robert being hot at a gay club in London, in “The Bullet of the Duel” (Sweet Valley High #31, Taking Sides).
Apr 23, 2024•1 hr 28 min•Season 1Ep. 38
Robert’s in a devil-may-care mood today, and thankfully in Sweet Valley, the stakes couldn’t be lower. Sorority sabotage vis-a-vis tennis shop schedule, garden-variety sadistic dance floor pranks, and a hot new GAY hits the scene (no homo!). Join us for a wide-ranging discussion touching on the importance of reverse psychology, how it would feel to be “just a bet,” and when it’s okay to compete with your friends in “Pascal’s Tennis Shop Schedule” (Sweet Valley High #30, Jealous Lies)....
Apr 16, 2024•1 hr 26 min•Season 1Ep. 37
It’s (somehow?) suddenly summer in Sweet Valley, and no summer would be complete without hot days at the beach, cool nights spent with friends, and falling in love with a celebrity who is in a disguise that can, at best, be described as thin. Liz and Jess head to Malibu for the summer to help out with some kids, and they end up getting way more than they bargained for: a very wicked child, a daring rescue, a knife fight, a family reconciliation, a fever that threatens a young girl…the list goes ...
Apr 09, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Season 1Ep. 36
“Bitter rivals”—better titled “Indifferent Acquaintances”—make for strange bedfellows this week when Liz’s childhood friend Amy returns to Sweet Valley, throwing a wrench in Liz and Enid’s well-documented best friendship. …IS the paraphrasable content of this book. The real story can be found in the unarticulated yet palpable sexual tension underlying the interactions between the most boring girls in Sweet Valley, culminating in a climax involving Liz showing up at a costume party in a SKI SUIT ...
Apr 02, 2024•1 hr 22 min•Season 1Ep. 34
Listener, have you ever felt like an ugly duckling who didn’t fit in? This week, we explore the deeply relatable story of Lynne Henry, who takes advantage of a strange loophole in a song contest to win the boy of her dreams and find her place in the sun. Join us as we find our voice this week in “A Little Shampoo Goes a Long Way” (Sweet Valley High #28, Alone in the Crowd).
Mar 26, 2024•1 hr 37 min•Season 1Ep. 34
Bon voyage! SVH goes transatlantic this week as our favorite twins swap homes with a glamorous and mysterious family in Cannes for Spring Break! But everything is not as it seems in this quaint, seaside town—will Liz and Jess be able to navigate the metaphorical (and at times, very literal) stormy waters ahead? Join us as we learn about ourselves and others through intercultural exchange and go on one of the greatest journeys of all—Robert’s struggle to pronounce “Cannes” in “Danger, Intrigue, R...
Mar 19, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Season 1Ep. 33
This week, our positively RIPPED quarterback Ken is hornystruck–oops, we mean lovestruck–with the glamorous and sophisticated Suzanne, and we watch him increasingly neglect his high-stakes English assignment in order to please her. As the deadline approaches, a plagiarism plot begins to percolate. Will Ken do the right thing? More importantly, will this uncultured rube ever learn the difference between Ingrid and Ingmar Bergman? We consider these questions and more on this week’s episode, “Horny...
Mar 12, 2024•1 hr 24 min•Season 1Ep. 32
Picture it, the perfect crime: a beautiful teenager trapped in her mansion, used as a pawn in a deranged criminal’s corporate espionage, with only ONE WAY to escape: get up and walk out the door. Wait, actually, that’s an incredibly stupid crime that strains our credulity and makes Pardo ask, “when is it enough? Dayenu!” Join us as we bring this wobbly house of cards tumbling down in “And Sometimes We Must Blame Victims” (Sweet Valley High, #26 Hostage!).
Mar 05, 2024•1 hr 20 min•Season 1Ep. 30
And now for something completely different! This week, we revisit a previous text as Pardo shares a modest secondary interpretation of SVH #25, Nowhere to Run (originally discussed in “She Really is… Mostly… a Bitch!”). Unfortunately Robert has had neither their yogurt nor their noodles and is emotionally unavailable to receive the bucket of supporting evidence presented. In a ghostly allusion to the original text, we end with Robert making an unlikely about-face and kicking off a whirlwind apol...
Feb 27, 2024•24 min•Season 1Ep. 30
This week’s episode has it all—armchair diagnoses of personality disorders, a deep-dive into 1980s architecture, parenting advice from a certified “parenting ally,” and…oh, yea, a discussion of the book, too. Emily Mayer is dealing with drama at home and rushes to the maternal bosom of Grandma Wakefield, who’s taking a break from her doctoral studies (let’s go, grandma!) to visit Sweet Valley. Can Emily possibly find safety and comfort at home? Well, if you know these books, you know it takes a ...
Feb 20, 2024•1 hr 41 min•Season 2Ep. 29
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas—don’t you dare say “holiday”—in Sweet Valley, and this one’s a doozy. We’ve got a medical mystery, the shocking return of an iconique character (Robert was knocked “flat on their tuchus”), and a series of escalating pranks culminating in a booze-and-pills-fuelled car crash. Oops! Grab a peppermint mocha and join us for “A Christmas Miracle? or Munchausen by Proxy?” (Super Edition 2, Special Christmas)....
Feb 13, 2024•1 hr 34 min•Season 1Ep. 28
Grief comes in waves and so does Deja Vu, because we’re feeling like we’ve read this book before. Join us as for a discussion of the challenges of life after love, theories of bereavement, and a brief tangent on whether Walt Disney was a Nazi on this week’s episode, “Famously Actively Grieving” (Sweet Valley High #24, Memories).
Feb 06, 2024•1 hr 28 min•Season 1Ep. 27
