We hate to see him go, but we love to watch him leave. This week, we’re pouring one out for Turd--oops, we mean Todd--who’s off to Vermont to live his flannel lumbersexual fantasy. Without Todd, Elizabeth is forced to face hard questions about the future: is she as independent as she thought? Is she actually in love with the fabulously rich and handsome Nicholas Morrow? Is it possible to be impartial at a regatta? Plus, we get a window into the world of online dating in the 80s with Jessica’s ne...
Jan 30, 2024•1 hr 22 min•Season 1Ep. 26
Can one be too much in love? Can one have not enough lashes? This week the kids are struggling with the complexities of relationships, dealing with a tragically mismanaged talent show, and throwing the party to end all parties because–did we forget to mention?–The Wakefield parents are off to Mexico City, leaving the girls home alone to get into classic domestic appliance disaster high jinks!
Jan 23, 2024•1 hr 29 min•Season 1Ep. 25
What makes a perfect summer? If you’re anything like us, you’re picturing a bear attack, an out-of-control forest fire, a breakup with your boyfriend, mass manipulation at the hands of a girl trying to steal said boyfriend, and teachers oversharing about trauma ‘round the campfire. Join us as we puzzle through this truly chaotic Super Edition. Either buckle in or skip–and we highly recommend you don’t skip–for “Sumptuous Spanish-Style Banquets in Santa Barbara” (Sweet Valley High Super Edition #...
Jan 16, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Season 1Ep. 24
This week, we continue to regress into angry teenagers as we follow Jessica’s COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE journey as she contemplates running away from home to escape her RUDE parents. Join us as we explore the many complex paradoxes of this text, including: running away to connect, bonding over being ‘nobodies,’ and, perhaps most disturbingly, being “in a hurry to jog.” This week’s episode, “I’m a Sister First and a Shitty Reporter Second” (Sweet Valley High #21, Runaway), really allows us to cha...
Jan 09, 2024•1 hr 27 min•Season 1Ep. 23
A plane crash, hysterical paralysis, and food poisoning–this book has it all! Jessica takes a cooking class and falls in love with the art of French pastry (and a tasty dish named Jean-Pierre), and her parents take no classes at all and fall in love with being TOTALLY RUDE AND UNFAIR! Join us as we dive deep into the complex psychology of conversion disorder, define (despite Robert’s protestations) the word ‘irony,’ and regress into frustrated teeneagers in this week’s episode, “La Belle Indiffe...
Jan 02, 2024•2 hr•Season 1Ep. 22
Is there a number that holds the key to the secrets of the universe? This week, we have something a little different to tide you over for the holidays: a deep dive into the number 137, Jessica Wakefield's favorite hyperbole. Join us as we explore an age-old mystery that has fascinated, puzzled, and perplexed scholars from the Biblical to the scientific. This minisode poses more questions than it answers and will leave you seeing the number 137...everywhere....
Dec 26, 2023•18 min•Season 1Ep. 21
It’s a showdown this week, with Lila and Jess both interested in the same guy. Jack is gorgeous, charming, and cultured… but there’s something mysterious about him we just can’t put our finger on. Join us for a discussion of the lost art of seduction vis a vis phone number shenanigans, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and, despite Robert’s valiant efforts to avoid it, Strindberg’s Miss Julie.
Dec 19, 2023•1 hr 32 min•Season 1Ep. 20
Is it fiction or a natural fact? This week we ask: do opposites attract? Regina (and Robert) are head over heels for Bruce, But is it really true love, or just a convenient excuse? Is he trying to garner votes for a major role Thats a huge deal in this city: PRESIDENT of the Sweet Valley Centennial Student Committee.
Dec 12, 2023•1 hr 51 min•Season 1Ep. 19
This week, we ponder one of life’s greatest questions: what is love (baby, don’t hurt me)? Does it take two to tango, or can Caroline Pearce dance a pas-de-deux on her own? Caroline has created a dream boy, but Jess and Lila are pulling out all the stops (and checking train schedules) to ensure that he must show up in reality. Meanwhile, Caroline unearths a dramatic secret that threatens to tear the Wakefields apart.
Dec 05, 2023•1 hr 31 min•Season 1Ep. 18
Roger’s world turns upside down when he learns he’s been a millionaire’s son all along! His new life involves a Cruella-like “aunt” (in pink silk lounging pajamas, mind you), social warfare vis-a-vis tennis, and an absolutely overwhelming number of forks. Join us as we discuss this masterclass in gold digging, paternity as legal fiction, and the blandest psychosexual role-play in history, in “Which Fork Is This?” (Sweet Valley High #16, Rags to Riches)
Nov 28, 2023•1 hr 45 min•Season 1Ep. 17
It may be the dog days of summer in 2023, but it’s certainly fall in Sweet Valley, bringing us ghostly resonances, trick-or-treating, spooky secrets, and a bitter competition for something called Fall Dance Queen; join us in reviewing SVH #2, Secrets.
Nov 28, 2023•1 hr 9 min•Season 1Ep. 3
A promise is a promise and a promise must be kept. Or must it? This week, we delve into promises both lighthearted (taking care of loved ones) and gravely serious (eating pizza safely). Are promises made to be broken? Tune in to "Promises Are Okay; Art School Saves” (Sweet Valley High #15, Promises) to find out.
Nov 21, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Season 1Ep. 16
Listen along as Pardo argues with herself on my behalf about Mrs. Doubtfire, pleads for us to #believehomosexuals (no homo), and dives into the most evocative passage of a person on a deck chair in the history of literature. When the very rich--and it must be said, very hot--Nicholas Morrow breezes into the twins' pool party and sets his very intense eyes on Liz, several people end up weaving some pretty tangled webs. Will Liz go out with Nicholas? Will it destroy what she has with Todd? And wha...
Nov 14, 2023•1 hr 24 min•Season 1Ep. 15
Welp, Liz is in a bunker, but at least Jess is getting the chance to meet a new hottie! There’s repression, obsession, and lots of digressions in this one, but all turns out ok in the end. Join us for Episode 14, It’s Kind of Nice to Have Liz in a Bunker (Sweet Valley High #13, Kidnapped!), and try to remember that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Nov 07, 2023•1 hr 32 min•Season 1Ep. 14
We've got a mixed bag this week: a cancer diagnosis, candy-striping hijinks, and...an abduction via chlorofoam. Chlorofrome. CHLOROFORM. Join us for a discussion of Sweet Valley High #12, When Love Dies, and then try to describe this book without using the phrase "jimble-jamble." We dare you.
Oct 31, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Season 1Ep. 13
This week, we learn that all that glitters might just be too good to be true. A stolen lavaliere, uncomfortable hose play, and a discourse on the ethics of a coin toss. Join us as we explore a tale of two cities (Sweet Valley and the Big Apple) in “Call Her Suzy (All Her Friends Do),” Sweet Valley High #11, Too Good to be True.
Oct 24, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Season 1Ep. 12
A sensitive conversation boils over into a fight on this week’s episode. Once we simmer down, we get to the meat of the episode: cheerleading drama, frantic dancing, and splitting hairs over who’s living right. Join us for a fraught discussion we discuss Sweet Valley High #10, Wrong Kind of Girl. [Content Notice: This book (and therefore the podcast) talks about self-harm]
Oct 17, 2023•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 11
The titular race may take a backseat in this one, but Francine still knows how to get our hearts pounding. Join us for a discussion of the world of work, copy machine sabotage, and the valuation of potential dates as we discuss Sweet Valley High #9, Racing Hearts.
Oct 10, 2023•1 hr 40 min•Season 1Ep. 10
Surf’s up in Sweet Valley, and someone’s about to get their heart broken! Or… are they? Join us for a discussion of lost loves, grief, and the erotics of sunscreen application as we ride the turbulent waves of Sweet Valley High #8, Heartbreaker.
Oct 03, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Season 1Ep. 9
Dear Listener, have we got a book for you! Join us for a rollercoaster ride as we discuss comas, onion soup dip recipes, and perhaps the most lasting and impactful text within the canon, Sweet Valley High #7, Dear Sister.
Sep 26, 2023•1 hr 41 min•Season 1Ep. 8
Sometimes a motorcycle is just a motorcycle. But…this is not one of those times. Join us for a discussion of Elizabeth’s struggles with Todd’s new hog, Enid’s sweet sixteen, and most importantly, the game-changing renovation of the Dairi Burger in Sweet Valley High #6, Dangerous Love.
Sep 19, 2023•1 hr 9 min•Season 1Ep. 7
Join us for deep dives on mustaches, semiotics, 80s smash hits, and (unfortunately) dating violence. Stay up late with us as we discuss Sweet Valley High #5, All Night Long. Find us on Spotify or Apple Podcasts - link in bio! Theme song by @YSSYmusic Artwork by @elliotcaroll #sweetvalleyhigh #sweetvalley #podcast #svh #nineties #eighties #nostalgia #sweetvalleytwins #sweetvalleyhighbooks #bookpodcast #comedy #reading #books #text #subtext #twins #YA #YAliterature #youngadult...
Sep 12, 2023•1 hr 26 min•Season 1Ep. 6
Sorority schemes, revenge bodies, and Robert’s assertion of dominance through yogurt. Join us for a conversation about all manner of wicked games as we discuss Sweet Valley High #4, Power Play.
Sep 05, 2023•1 hr 31 min•Season 1Ep. 5
Bruce isn’t playing, but he will certainly end up burned. Join us for a frank discussion of teen dating, a silly discussion of cheating on a chemistry test, and a real investigation of the many meanings of 1BRUCE1, as we review SVH #3, Playing with Fire.
Aug 29, 2023•1 hr 26 min•Season 1Ep. 4
Backstabbing, love triangles, and duck a l’orange; join us in reviewing SVH #1, Double Love. Follow us on IG @sweetvalleyhive Theme song by @YSSYmusic Artwork by @elliotcaroll
Aug 15, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Season 1Ep. 2
Welcome to the wonderful world of Sweet Valley Hive! This minisode provides a brief intro of our hosts and The Text. Follow us on IG @sweetvalleyhive Theme song by @YSSYmusic Artwork by @elliotcaroll
Aug 14, 2023•20 min•Season 1Ep. 1
