Well, it's that time of year, when all the presents are ready for Santa to deliver them. There's Looby the nerf football, there's Norkle, the squeezey frog and Chrome the robot...and there's OpalBear with whom you should not make eye contact unless you want him to fiend you, whatever that is. Krampus sneaks into the North Pole workshop to steal the toys and ruin Christmas...unless they stop him. Will they? Will OpalBear get any takers for the "Let's garfield each other with Chinese parts"? (Mayb...
Dec 24, 2020•41 min
Well, Santa Claus just doesn't have it in him this year, and Christmas is in danger. It's up to the elves to cheer him up. This is for all of you for whom Christmas means v-necking a gopher or opening your new Susie Hair-Hair doll, or just remembering to read the farm manual.
Dec 17, 2020•38 min
This week, we've got a couple of super agents pitching their two biggest stars some ideas for holidays they might want to do. Like "The Budgie's Outhouse" or "The Night Prancer Fared Poorly." The kind of thing you'd see starring Peanut Butter Franklin, or some cremated tangerines. Enjoy!
Dec 10, 2020•38 min
You know how sometimes you mess up your schedule, and you've got a thanksgiving episode the week after thanksgiving? Sure, sure you do. And that episode is a couple of farmers getting at a roadside stand, looking to sell stuff on thanksgiving? You know, toenail pie, king kong soup bowls, elbow cream, that sort of thing? Well, this is sort of like that in some small way.
Dec 03, 2020•35 min
It's that special time of year, when you might need to buy a rabbit-flavored torque wrench, or a boo boo protector. Or maybe you need to wee wee over a cliff onto a hosiery clerk, or locate a VCR that has been used as a toilet. Well, we've got you covered. The home shopping network has all your Thanksgiving needs, plus a pumpkin that represents damnation! Enjoy!
Nov 26, 2020•35 min
Sometimes, when you need to know about dinosaurs, you just need a couple of experts to set you straight. You need to know about a Gary-shaped hole, or squeezing lemon juice onto a praying mantis, for example? These two are your guys. Especially if you're a lady in a nunchuck sweater, or a shirt-flavored hat.
Nov 19, 2020•43 min
You know those after school specials on TV, where there's a kid with some problems -- say he's got a chargers tattoo on his face and a natural diagram of a wolfman on his back, that sort of stuff? And he's worried that the kids are going to razz him.. But then there's a contest where the prize is a feces doberman and he's determined to win it, and maybe he'll learn a lesson in the process? Well, this is just like that? Enjoy!
Nov 05, 2020•38 min
You know those fancy dog grooming contests? You know, the ones where you have to geese yourself in private? And where sideways is not an option? You know, the ones where "zither powder" arranges itself in the shape of an organ donor? Talking dogs, the whole thing? Well, this is one of those. Enjoy!
Oct 29, 2020•44 min
Well, we did it. We did a "part 2" instead of just totally abandoning the premise! The Mummy has captured Rebecca! Will Charles free her? Will the Halloween Superstore sell something that smells like the booster seat at a Shoney's? The answers to these questions and less are just a click away!
Oct 22, 2020•33 min
It's that time of year again! The time for spooky stuff like ruby-encrusted irons, golden pine sol containers, and THIS! The Curse of the Mummy! A Super Cree-Pee Time Spectacular in TWO EPISODES! Today: part 1, where Rebecca and Charles, two archaeologists, you know, look for mummies and stuff. And they wear t-shirts that say "I'm With Cheddar" and they try to baby a horseradish salesman. Stuff like that! Enjoy!
Oct 15, 2020•39 min
We're back! And there's trouble brewing in the city. There's a madman on the loose, and he's got hostages. So make sure to feed a clock to a bear, rub a golfer without their knowledge, or lick your weight in sheep oil. Your choice!
Oct 08, 2020•31 min
Our favorite restauranteurs are back, with the kind of fanciness that chilled their grandmother's trampoline salesman's goiter off! You might not be able to handle this kind of fanciness, but if you succumb to binary quail disease, you'll write a thank you note from beyond the grave. Enjoy!
Sep 17, 2020•35 min
This week, we've got a couple of door-to-door salesmen and their murderer friends, working their way up the street, trying to make a sale. Looking for a set of steak knives and a set of pork knives? How about a melon baller on wheels? What about you circle around a shark, see how he likes it. Well, if you're in the market for any of that or an Ancient Egyptian Toe-Mobile Set, you're in luck! Enjoy!
Sep 03, 2020•41 min
It's the Old West. Seems like a quiet night in the saloon when suddenly, a stranger blows into town with a map to a hidden gold mine! Who will get his gold? The old bartender who went to wafer college? The saloon girl who just fell off the Whoremobile? The local tough guy with something he calls a "gun"? Who knows? Probably even we don't, even after it's all over. But still, fun!
Aug 27, 2020•40 min
It's an invasion! A group of aliens who are developing a new way to mosey are preparing an attack on the earth. After photocopying a wild pig and bringing out a nice tray of Charleston powder, they're pretty suck. But then...a life coach appears! Maybe one whose name you know... Get in there now!
Aug 20, 2020•34 min
You know those little shops where you can buy just about anything? Like a hat or a horn, or Ambush Wafers, or a set of Pantry Demons? You know the place, where you can find a slurpee in Uncle On My Mind flavor? Well, our story takes place in one of those. Enjoy it with a triscuit covered in purse powder!
Aug 13, 2020•41 min
Sometimes, a superhero goes away for so long, you just can't quite remember what episode was the one in which he was last seen. This is about to be one of those times. If you read the "My Hose is Going Crazy Gazette" or if you're in the market for a supervillain named "Longing for Certs Man," well, this is the episode for you. The thrilling conclusion of Shy Cow Man starts...NOW. (click play.) Ok, NOW.
Aug 06, 2020•46 min
The game's afoot! Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are discussing how a baby moose is trying to be a baby fat dog, when Mrs. Hudson comes in with a case! Her beloved sister is experiencing strange phenomena not unlike when Dr. Watson was in India and he was flattened by a bear. Will Holmes solve the case? Well, we didn't get through much of the outline, so probably no. But it's a small price to pay for a weekend's supply of bathing sauce.
Jul 30, 2020•39 min
We're back with a walk through the woods outside of Whoreville, searching for beautiful wildlife and really gross scientists. If you've ever wanted to go to the Sorbonne for a symposium on birds' faces, or if you just like to put a miniature saddle on a turkey club like it's a little horse, well, this one's for you.
Jul 23, 2020•40 min
This weeks episode is just a shortie, but with all the nutritional elements of a regular episode. There's Magic Forest Pants Power, a waitress with a taste for birds, a little girl who dreams of a Magnum P.I. doll. All the stuff you might expect. Enjoy it with Carl, who lost his job down at the Clam Yard!
Jul 16, 2020•20 min
The Craft Ladies are back! And they've got all kinds of tips for crafts you can work on without having to leave the house! Like pouring mud for the insane, or wienering a troll, or an oyster holding a sign that says "I'm not anything." You need all of that right now!
Jul 09, 2020•34 min
Well, it's that time of year again. Time for two things. Time to buy your fireworks, like a Soup Betrayer, or a Mild Hawk Surprises You With Explosions. And it's time for the big Hal Embry Ford July 4th Sales Event! Bring a sick swordfish, and we'll nurse it back to health! Enjoy!
Jul 02, 2020•34 min
Well, it looks like we've hit an important milestone (our 250th episode!) just when Miss Issatalia is turning 250. It's time to celebrate! If your neck is so wide that you have to drink solids, or if you're hungry for a meatball that wind's Neil Diamond's watch with its peepee, you know just what we mean. Listen now, and we can all play "trim the baby oil off the chandelier"!
Jun 25, 2020•40 min
It's time to spend the night with the heroes of the emergency room. It's always busy during the Wave to Your Mom Convention, so we could be in for a rough night. And it's brought to you by a product that's only available if you bicycle to Guam. If you've ever been out all night classifying vermin, this one's for you!
Jun 18, 2020•37 min
You know what would be perfect right now? A master class in self-improvement. Or in ripening things before they're ready! Just head on down to the school that's next door to Uncle Angry's HearseMobile, which is a giant car that houses a hearse. And remember, the wrong indecision can kill!
Jun 11, 2020•40 min
Adventure! Excitement! A drawing of dim sum on the edge of the world! It's the jungle adventure you've been waiting for! It's got everything. Glossy lipgloss, church gerbils, and a statue in honor of numchucks. Enjoy it up to the level of your nougat dispenser, which is pretty high.
Jun 04, 2020•36 min
Hey kids, it's that time again for story time! If you feel like you are a phone, then call yourself on you, and if you feel grandma-ish, put on this grandma mask! Hose each other off with glad powder, and definitely don't sheep someone who isn't looking. And always remember, Drugs Are No!
May 28, 2020•45 min
Sometimes the angels and the demons have to get together to work out some of their problems. Like, if one time you skied under a Burger King, for example. Or maybe if you require some rhubarb furniture. The important thing to remember is, don't join a racist circus. And enjoy!
May 21, 2020•34 min
Well, you know how sometimes you gotta take little TreeDog's sister to the vet after her voodoo doll was trampled on by a road warrior? You know, when they give you a nice commemorative "What Pies Mean To Me" jacket? When your little pet is caught in a Moses Loop? Well, this episode is a lot like that.
May 14, 2020•45 min
This week, we take you back to the early days of this nation, where people believed in witches, or "Operators of the dark" which is definitely not how you say that. Back when your dad was a clam server at a clam restaurant, and when reading a hosiery package in an evil way could get you tried for witchcraft. Enjoy it at Gordon's Happy House: For When Your Steam is Lonely.
May 07, 2020•45 min
