...and you know what that means. Due to some scheduling snafus, this episode (and maybe the next one) are gonna be a little short. Minisode! Short but sweet! And horrible! And ridiculous! Have you ever wanted to just get out there and go on a walking tour of a small, remote town? No. Of course not. How could you? But what if it were a special place where no one blinks? A place where you can learn about a cannon filled with tumors. A place whose first export was "children grease." A place where i...
Jun 07, 2018•25 min
It's nearly summer, and that means the Craft Ladies are back with more things that are ugly and hard to make! If you've been looking for a gift for that special someone on your Lubrication Anniversary, maybe make them a nice chortling jacket, or if you just want to stop blaming your mom for sherbet enticement, they've got you covered!
May 31, 2018•35 min
How would you feel about a high stakes poker tournament where it's not entirely clear if even one hand is played? Where someone is guarding cranberries at the fruit vault, and there are four 11-year-old men? How about an insane harp player dropping from the sky, and a gas tank full of tambourine oil? OK, then how about a witch trial where there is no real trial, no convictions or acquittals, and some of the guest witnesses are the worlds last living T-Rex and god himself? And a nice charity gift...
May 24, 2018•33 min
Sometimes, teens need a little help to learn how the world works. Well, we're here to help. If you want to be enjoyed by Putt-boy, or if your mom puts extra gaps in your sandwiches for you, if the kid who's bullying you got a hat from a mystery man, or if the old zookeeper wants to slap you with something he calls "slap paper," you need help. And we're here to give it to you. Enjoy!
May 17, 2018•35 min
Do you ever get that feeling where you just want to visit some old friends? Us neither! But in this case, we make an exception. Here's our chance to check in with: -Ted the Life Coach, as he inspires you to reach through your corn! -Carol, in her first day on the S.W.A.T. team, which goes great! -Mama & Beatrice, where we hear of "gerbiling" a stranger -Reverend Ben & Donald, and the Church of the Lack of Hardness Plus some commercials, and nothing. Nothing else. That's it. Enjoy!
May 10, 2018•45 min
Sometimes your employees need to be oriented. These people need orientation. And even if our plans all turn to a cybernetic leprechaun giving birth out of his asshole, by god we're going to orient them. The Ski Holes Corporation is here for you, to teach you about flexibility, competitive pay and a Thought God, which is a benefit, apparently. Please enjoy this with Jarvis, the squirrel with money problems!
May 03, 2018•43 min
Our intrepid explorers, Tarleton and Wilter, have returned with a new set of volumes. This time around it's: The world of the Supernatural! Learn of the blank calendars that Sasquatches keep, the ghost of a hammer eater, family potato salad gatherings, and more! And please, please remember: they say Wednesday is the Saturday of the middle of the week. And we believe them.
Apr 26, 2018•36 min
The Imps have returned, and this time they're trying to get a promotion. In order to move up, they need to help someone fall in love. They know nothing of towel birds, or people who make feet out of tires. But they're willing to try anyway! Will they succeed? Will they get a delicious Turkey Leg on a Stick on a Hand? Will they figure out how to describe someone who is good at canoeing? Will they find a use for the mystical powder that you blast into your pants? Who knows? You don't! But after yo...
Apr 19, 2018•49 min
It had been too long since we'd done a children's show that was not at all for children. Well, not only did we do one, but it is even less for children than ever before. Just ask the camel. (note: please do not ask the camel. Nothing good can come of it.) If you've ever wanted to hear an epic tale of adventure that included a mystical land where everyone loves Bryan Adams for some reason, a bird stolen by an evil man who laughs for no reason, and a village elder that has an inappropriate relatio...
Apr 12, 2018•41 min
Sometimes in life, a couple needs a helping hand. An outside eye to help them find a new place in their relationship. Sometimes one of them has an erotic fixation on Casper the Friendly Ghost. Sometimes there is a stork behind glass with a sign that reads "Break Glass In Case Of Not Stork." Sometimes you farm for oysters thousands of miles from the ocean. Sometimes, folks, you just have to close up your helping holes, take a deep breath in, and then take another deep breath in, and just keep on ...
Apr 05, 2018•38 min
Oh, dear people. It's time. Time for a visit to Hal Embry Ford for more deals that are a little extra violent this week for some reason. And then, it's time to bring down the final curtain on a career of a pair of magicians as they plan their final show. They'll reminisce on tales of the Tick Express, their old friend, Lovingza the Clown, an d their very first date, from which they still have some ice. You'll also hear about geese, which have become the most mentioned animal on our show for some...
Mar 29, 2018•40 min
Oh, hello. We didn't see you there. But now that you're here, it's time to learn all about the Gianetti Brothers' new restaurant, The Compound. It's got everything. Towel arrangement kits, all your bowling equipment, and various punch fluids. The works. So get your coupon right under the picture of a chuckling ape with the sign that says "Hurt Me" and stop by the Compound for the fanciest night of your stupid life.
Mar 22, 2018•41 min
This may be the record for the quickest we've ever forgotten our character names. I think we remember them eventually. And then probably forget them again. Notwithstanding, it's an adventure in the wild areas around the globe! We will visit a great number of animals that we easily could have stayed home and seen right in town. Mice, gerbils, a horse. We'll visit Africa where we will meet a familiar character who is named "Little Klaw" this time. We'll go to Australia where their favorite cereals...
Mar 15, 2018•29 min
It's time for a tale. A tale of two sandwich makers with a dream. Well, a lot of dreams. They wanted to make an eyeball venison burger, a fudge tiger, or a Mister Paul's Big Balls Fish Sandwich. But they needed a little help. Will they find it? Well, you'll just have to listen and see. Hear, I mean. You won't see anything different when you're listening. If you do, though, definitely let us know. That sounds wild.
Mar 08, 2018•43 min
Two of the friendliest of all possible gentlemen decide to take a nice walk. What could go wrong? A ham trap? Maybe. Snort Flakes Cereal? Possibly. Davy Crockett's last words about almonds? Most likely. And all of it is brought to you by gopher's teeth, a coloring book that is one step away from madness, and other things that will really surprise you unless you know about them. We love all of you weirdos.
Mar 01, 2018•42 min
From beyond the cosmos, whatever that means, it's...SUPERGALACTIC. Our intrepid space travelers, Strider Zorn and Grunk, are back for yet another sci-fi adventure. We kind of forgot about where we left off last time, so we just kind of went with it. A nitrogen storm cripples their spacecraft, forcing them to land on a filthy world where brothels with peanut firing ranges and tea-flavored bug arrangement kits are, you know, around. They meet an old "friend" of Grunk's who has plans for their demi...
Feb 22, 2018•45 min
It's episode 136, and you know what that means! SCIENCE! Two scientists from a company that may or may not make falling cupcakes are conducting several scientific studies. Their subjects try to answer their questions, but also end up talking about potato toilets, mustard meat, and monkey friction. So much science happens, guys. Like, a lot of science.
Feb 15, 2018•46 min
Grandma and Grandpa are back! When last we heard from them, it just occurs to me, they were about to die in a submarine. But that didn't slow them down. And, just in time for Valentine's day, it's their special anniversary dinner! Listen in awe as we discuss leave-it-behind powder, maybe posts, Grandma tells their dog, Blaster, a bedtime story about murder and pills. All the most romantic stuff in the damn world. So scoot your cuttlefish over to the old Victrola and listen good! Enjoy!
Feb 08, 2018•36 min
Well, it had to happen sometime. Last week, Vlad & Valery said what we were going to do "next time" and we almost kind of do that the next week. Yes, Vlad and Valery are back, with much confusion about how people can listen to their radio show with or without a radio. They help people. It's what they do. You might need help with your golfing machine, you might work at an ugly library. Maybe you just want to organize a fun run for the "How Is Your Dog" foundation. They can help. And then, a b...
Feb 01, 2018•46 min
It was going to be a return to "Fishin' and Fishin' with Harlan Stetson and Billy Whitefeather" but Cade wanted to play Carol Channing, so it's that. Learn what aspects of ice fishing are pleasing to the wax nipples, and which relate to your grandpa's elementary school violence teacher. Break out the logging cream and massage HolyMan's ray gun, and happy fishing! And then, it's a tease with Vlad & Valery! They're back, and talking about the "Beach Boys" of Belgrade, which was "Hat Friend." E...
Jan 25, 2018•41 min
Yes, it's time again for your favorite gameshow...Answer a few simple questions so you can win big money and prizes! Like a lifetime supply of Toy Oil, or a monkey massage for your cat! Or a "hot balloon ride" which is not quite the same as a "hot air balloon ride" technically. Come on in, upgrade the smell system in your hole, and try to understand your cat's horrible nature!
Jan 18, 2018•45 min
This week, we've got a two-fer! That means you get two scenes for the price of one. Or...two half-length scenes for the price of one full-length scene. And there is no price. What in the hell are we doing? THERE IS NO PRICE! 2-HEADED BARRY WHITE It's our old friend(s?) the 2-headed Barry White Creature, with some tips for wintertime lovin'. You'll learn all about milk calendars, a crow with a cybernetic implant, and "nor-ade" which is neither ade nor other ade. ACTION THRILLER: This outline was ...
Jan 11, 2018•45 min
Happy New Year, oh friends of the pee. Today, we have a special treat for you. Not like normal weeks when we have a standard treat for you. No way. This week, it's the triumphant return of Sherlock Holmes and his intrepid spaniel in human form, Watson. There's been a murder. I mean, basically, there was a murder. It was near a graveyard. We may have forgotten to establish the actual crime very clearly. The point is, in that way that only Holmes can, he will solve the mystery that happened on Bou...
Jan 04, 2018•47 min
It's that time again when the calendar people tell you it's time to "buy a new calendar" because last year's calendar "doesn't make any sense this year" and is "no longer accurate." Well, you can be suckers if you want to, and fall for that. But no matter who you are, it's time for New Year's Eve. It's a time for cooking for those you love, it's a time for tasting the people in your neighborhood, and it's a time for that traditional image of cobras frightening people from shop to shop in the mal...
Dec 28, 2017•39 min
Ok. That's more like it. We put up something that was a total jumble of nonsense during your normal Super Pee Pee Time Time. And not the normal kind of nonsense. So, sorry about that, several people who listened to that and thought we meant it. And sorry to all the rest of you for listening to THIS! Santa's preparing for his trip on Christmas Eve, but a naughty little boy steals all the presents, like the SteveIsNotHere Playset, and the Sack of Blood, and My Little Hovercraft! What will they do?...
Dec 21, 2017•41 min
Happy holidays to you, and welcome to another evening with Reverend Ben and Donald. This week it's all about the true meaning of Christmas. Learn all the stuff you really need to know, like how sometimes you just have to immediately kill things, and how 'swaddling clothes' are really just a diaper for a cow. Everything you expect for Christmas is right here. Beef-scented haystacks, shepherds who go to Tall School, Apple Cobra Oil. All of the standard stuff. And if you are so inclined upon receiv...
Dec 14, 2017•46 min
Look, you have a secret. You haven't been honest with yourself about something, and...and it's ok. It's ok. You know why? Because it's the holiday season. And we all know that you have been ACHING to see Santa Claus hauled in front of a Senate committee that oversees whatever it is that Santa is. We know it. And now the world knows it. See? See how free you feel now? You want to hear all about Santa's tropical helicopter, and Blitzen's penis reflector. You want to hear discussion of how balls ar...
Dec 07, 2017•45 min
Sometimes we have a plan when we start. We have an outline, characters, or at least some kind of a sense of what we're going for. This was not one of those times. It turned out to make a kind of sense. And if you know us, you do not believe us when we tell you that. And you are RIGHT. It is a river rafting trip that turns into a dead, rude pelican in the service industry. I guess it's basically the exact plot of The Great Gatsby, except it includes a merit badge for being a loose woman in an aqu...
Nov 30, 2017•42 min
What do you get when you combine, Thanksgiving dinner, Ted the Life Coach, a family full of thankful people, and a Black Friday sales event from Hal Embry Ford? We don't know, but here it friggin' comes. There'll be solar stuffing, a camera focused on your renegade parts, a little chowder monster, a cranberry-flavored dead criminal, and so much more. So gather your family together, and take advantage of the fact that they're all together to get the hell away from them for a few minutes. And expr...
Nov 22, 2017•35 min
We've all heard the story of the first Thanksgiving. Well...all of us besides little Joe who wears the snorkel to work. Well, this episode takes us back to just before that, during the long voyage across the sea, when the pilgrims were unsure of what they might find. Sure, they were pretty ready to assume they would have some sort of meal to give thanks eventually. That was weird. But otherwise, just standard 17th century boat ride. Or was it? It was not. OR WAS IT?? (It was not*.) *Or WAS** it?...
Nov 16, 2017•45 min
