Today I have a bonus episode for you. I’m talking with Chris Grainger about how we have the fruits of the Spirit in our marriage. We talk about Galatians 5:22-23, which reads: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. We discuss how to develop these traits, and how to access God’s grace to be able to demonstrate them in marriage. Chris is the founder of The Lion Within . He has...
Oct 27, 2022•47 min
I used to feel like I couldn’t speak my mind around my wife. I was worried that she might get upset with me. Or that she might not agree and we would never reach an agreement. This spanned across all the major issues in marriage for us. Money, sex, in-laws, parenting, religion, housework and how we spent our time. I would say “well, I guess I’m sacrificing for my wife,” then resent the “sacrifices” I was making. For various reasons, men often feel they can’t speak their minds around their wife. ...
Oct 25, 2022•26 min•Ep. 133
A lot of men worry that it’s too late to change their marriage. Maybe they’ve tried couples counseling and it hasn’t worked. Maybe they’ve been married 20, 30, or even 40 years and it just seems like the old patterns are too set to change. Maybe they think that “it takes two to tango” and if their wife isn’t willing to change, then it’s hopeless. I can understand all of these thoughts. But, none of them will get you a better marriage. There are a lot of reasons that couples therapy doesn’t work....
Oct 18, 2022•32 min•Ep. 132
I used to think that it didn’t. At least not for me. A guy who had an overall good upbringing. But, I recently did a hypnotherapy session with AJ Yager that changed my mind about this. And now, I’m implementing that learning with my clients with powerful results. Most high achieving me learned a certain lesson at some point: I need to take care of myself emotionally. No one else is going to. And, I have to take care of the emotions of people around me. And, I should stuff my emotions and get to ...
Oct 11, 2022•24 min•Ep. 131
It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re trying to change your marriage. You put in a lot of effort. You feel the changes. But, your wife just doesn’t seem to see them. How long is it going to take? How long do you have to keep this up? Today we’ll talk about the #1 internal shift that you need to make. It’s about committing to change for “the long haul” instead of putting a timeframe on it. As soon as you put a timeframe, even if it’s subconscious, you start becoming impatient. You also can bec...
Oct 04, 2022•25 min•Ep. 130
What do you do when your wife says she would be fine if she never had sex again? You are certainly not fine with that idea. Why would she say such a thing? Today I’m joined by Amanda Louder at Amanda Louder Coaching and host of the Sex for Saints podcast. Her mission is to help Christian women embrace their sexuality and love their sex life. We discuss what your wife might be thinking when she says “I wouldn’t mind if we never had sex again…” How you can respond… And why it’s not as hopeless as ...
Sep 27, 2022•34 min•Ep. 129
My wife and I are experiencing some disconnection right now. This happens at times in any marriage. But, what do you do to overcome it? Step 1 - Express your feelings, even when it might upset the other person. This isn’t just losing your temper, but explaining what you’re frustrated about. This requires spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. Step 2 - Figure out what you actually want from the other person. This requires thought and effort. Step 3 - Ask for what you want. This requires coura...
Sep 26, 2022•21 min•Ep. 128
This is one of the most common problems I see in the men I work with. It can be VERY frustrating to feel like you’re changing, but have your wife keep bringing up your past mistakes. What you have to understand about this is that your wife is HURT. And YOU are the one who hurt her. And over time, the wound you have caused her has become infected. And so, when you tell her to “get over it” or “move forward” or “trust you,” you’re basically trying to put a band aid on an infection. Instead, you ne...
Sep 13, 2022•28 min•Ep. 127
This is LONG overdue, but today you get to meet my wonderful wife Elizabeth! We had the chance to be interviewed by Chris and Suzanne Vester from the Faith. Family. Fulfillment podcast. Today you’ll hear from both of us about: -The negative patterns we had in our marriage -What it took to finally recognize them -What we did to overcome them -Her experience of me as a husband -How my owning my negatives changed our marriage for the better You’ll get a sense of just how amazing she is, and you wil...
Sep 06, 2022•32 min•Ep. 126
After reading hundreds of books on marriage, dating and relationships, here are the books that have most shaped my thinking on how to help men with their marriages: -The Bible (In particular: Love your neighbor as yourself) -The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey -Leadership And Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute -Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch As an honorable mention: -How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Each of these books give powerful tools...
Aug 30, 2022•35 min•Ep. 125
Anger is a God-given emotion. But, it can also be used for evil. The purpose of anger is to injure and destroy something. It can be used to instill fear in others so that they’ll do what we want. While it can work in the short term (like scaring our kids into doing their chores)... That is an evil use of anger, and one that will not create positive long term relationships. But, Jesus got angry sometimes. Like driving out the money changers or facing down the scribes and pharisees. So what was Je...
Aug 23, 2022•22 min•Ep. 124
Whether you’re trying to improve your sex life, recover from infidelity, or stop a separation or divorce… It can be easy to get discouraged. You understand that you need to make some changes. And, maybe you’ve already made some and you’re feeling good about them. But, your wife isn’t responding how you would like. Or at least not as quickly as you would like. Today you’ll learn how to approach this common problem. It has to do with the Law Of The Harvest. What you sow is what you reap. How long ...
Aug 16, 2022•29 min•Ep. 123
Most men ask me “What should I do?” What should I do so my wife has sex with me more? What should I do to win my wife’s trust back after infidelity? What should I do to end my separation and win my wife back? Unfortunately, this is the wrong question. You see, it’s not really what you DO that matters. You can DO the right things, like buy your wife flowers. But, if you’re feeling anxious and needy… And have the intention of getting her to have sex with you when you give them to her… Your wife wi...
Aug 09, 2022•29 min•Ep. 122
According to famous marriage researcher John Gottman, what’s the #1 thing that women want from a man? Trustworthiness. And what do women want to trust you to do? To protect them. Physically and emotionally. They want to know that you will keep them safe. The main complaints women have about men are: “He’s never there for me” and “there’s not enough intimacy and connection.” These complaints both speak to the idea that their man is not physically protecting them by being present and he’s not emot...
Aug 02, 2022•27 min•Ep. 121
Last week we talked about how to recover if you had an emotional affair. This week we’re talking about what to do if your wife had an emotional affair. This is a very difficult time for you. You feel betrayed, angry, and depressed. You’re not sure if you should try to stay, try to win her back, or leave her. You don’t know what you should do about this other guy. You can feel frozen as far as what to do. In this episode you’ll discover: -How to process the emotions that you’re feeling effectivel...
Jul 26, 2022•28 min•Ep. 120
An emotional affair does major damage to a marriage. Your wife feels angry, depressed and betrayed. You feel guilty, but are not sure what to do to fix it. You’ve broken off the relationship, but your wife still brings it up often. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to recover after an emotional affair. You need to: -Identify and change the reasons why you had the emotional affair -Rebuild trust -Improve communication -Restore intimacy Learn how to take positive steps forward after you ha...
Jul 19, 2022•22 min•Ep. 119
Justin felt like he needed to change or he was going to lose all connection with his wife and end up as roommates. Nikki felt like she “didn’t need Justin” and “couldn’t count on him to do anything.” Their relationship felt co-dependent and strained, and their physical connection was not where either one wanted it to be. Justin decided to join the program (without telling Nikki at first). Nikki was surprised by how fast and how extensive Justin’s changes were. Justin feels more confident, honest...
Jul 12, 2022•43 min•Ep. 118
Infidelity breaks the main foundation of a great marriage: trust. So, how do you rebuild trust after infidelity? Some men think that it’s by apologizing, moving forward, and having her decide to trust you again. But it’s actually the opposite. You need to really dig into her pain for as long as it takes. You need to understand it completely before you can move forward. And you have to understand that she can’t trust you. It’s not something she can give. It’s something that you have to build. Lea...
Jul 05, 2022•29 min•Ep. 117
If you’re not having the amount or type of sex you would like with your wife… You are doing things that are turning her off. As I’ve worked with high achieving Christian men, there are three main ways that men turn their wife off. Being an emotional terrorist. Acting like a baby. And being a parasite. Learn what these mean… How to stop doing them… And what to do instead… In today’s episode. Listen on Strong Men Strong Marriages here. Watch on YouTube here. Dr. Mike P.S. If you’re a high achievin...
Jun 28, 2022•25 min•Ep. 116
Right now you want your marriage to change. You want more attention, appreciation, affection and sex for your wife. You feel like you’ve tried lots of things, and maybe they’ve helped some. But, you’re still not where you want to be. Here’s the problem. You’re not using the 3 keys to transform your marriage. You need to commit to changing yourself NO MATTER WHAT your wife does. You need to commit to getting outside help to see your blind spots and treat the “personality cancer” that is destroyin...
Jun 21, 2022•24 min•Ep. 115
You’re trying to get your wife’s attention, appreciation and affection. You’re cooking, cleaning, making the money, and helping with the kids. You’re shutting down activities that you enjoy to spend more time with her. And despite all your sacrifices… It’s not working! You don’t have the mental, emotional and sexual intimacy you want with your wife. There’s good news. You’re a guy who puts in the effort. You’re just directing that effort incorrectly. A passionate marriage is built on 3 pillars: ...
Jun 14, 2022•21 min•Ep. 114
You’re working hard to change your marriage. You’re listening to podcasts, reading books, and learning as much as you can. And you’re seeing some changes. But you’re not where you want to be. Why is that? When it comes to changing your behavior in relationships… You have blind spots. Just like everyone else. And you can either humble yourself enough to get the help to see them… And make changes in days or weeks that would take you years on your own… Or you can keep chasing your tail, making litt...
Jun 07, 2022•14 min•Ep. 113
What does your dream marriage look like? For most of the guys I talk to, it involves being great friends, aligned on big goals, supporting each other, having fun together, and enjoying a great sex life. Being connected spiritually, mentally, emotionally and sexually connected. But, you’re probably not spending much time envisioning that marriage. Probably because you think it’s just not possible. That with your situation, with your wife, it’s just not going to happen. So you start escaping into ...
May 31, 2022•20 min•Ep. 112
This weekend was powerful for me. As I went through significant struggles recently, a workshop I attended reminded me of my main job. To align myself with God and do His work. To use my skills in alignment with how God wants me to use them. For myself. With my wife. With my kids. And in my business. As a simple and powerful exercise, ask yourself: What’s God’s message for me today? Then write that down. And share it as appropriate. The message and podcast today I feel are the message God wanted ...
May 24, 2022•20 min•Ep. 111
What is vulnerability? The dictionary describes it as being easily hurt, influenced or attacked. That doesn’t sound very sexy. But, Brene Brown and others have redefined vulnerability in a way that IS attractive. That is being courageous enough to risk emotional exposure. This week was a hard week for me, and I exposed myself (emotionally) to my wife at a deeper level than I ever have. It took courage, but resulted in more intimacy, more commitment, and a lot of growth from me. Learn the right a...
May 17, 2022•21 min•Ep. 110
If you’re not having the passionate sex that you want in your marriage… You’re probably making some of the common mistakes that high achieving Christian men make. There are common, unattractive ways of thinking, feeling and acting towards sex… That IMMEDIATELY turn your wife OFF. Learn what these are… And how to replace them with ATTRACTIVE ways of thinking, feeling and acting… In today’s episode. Listen on Strong Men Strong Marriages here. Watch on YouTube here. Dr. Mike P.S. If you’re a high a...
May 10, 2022•23 min•Ep. 109
Many men I talk to are surprised by the problems in their marriage. They just don’t understand why their wife doesn’t want to have sex with them. Why she had an emotional or sexual affair. Why she wants a separation or divorce. This episode will help you know EXACTLY why these things happen… And how to fix the underlying problems. So that you can create deep mental, emotional and sexual intimacy with your wife and have the marriage that God wants for you. Watch on YouTube here. Dr. Mike P.S. If ...
May 03, 2022•33 min•Ep. 108
You’re trying to win your wife back. Whether that’s wanting to have sex more often, avoid or end a separation, or avoid a divorce. And, maybe you’re starting to make positive changes. The changes your wife has asked for from you for a long time. You’re listening more. Prioritizing her. Getting her gifts. But, she’s not impressed. She doesn’t get excited. She doesn’t say thank you. She barely even notices the effort you’re putting in. Or, she’s even negative about these changes. Saying things lik...
Apr 26, 2022•26 min•Ep. 107
Most high achieving Christian men think that to have a more intimate marriage… They need to DO something different. Communicate better. Buy more gifts. Spend more time. Do the right service for their wife. And if that were the case, then marriage counseling would always work. Because that’s what most marriage counselors focus on. Doing. Action. Skills. But, often, DOING a good thing… Like using marriage communication skills… Actually leads to MORE problems. Find out why in today’s episode. And, ...
Apr 19, 2022•26 min•Ep. 106
What does it mean to “be a man?” Today, there’s more confusion than ever about this. There’s even a term, “toxic masculinity,” that makes it seem like it’s toxic to have male character traits. Fortunately, there is a perfect example of manhood that we can follow… Jesus. Learn how to use your God-given male gender and character traits to create the powerful life and intimate marriage that you want in today’s episode. Listen on Strong Men Strong Marriages here. Watch on YouTube here. Dr. Mike P.S....
Apr 12, 2022•23 min•Ep. 105
