"Rushing to Get Somewhere" w/ Ilana Glazer

Who Do Who. Special announcement alert, I repeat special announcement alert. If you live in the city of San Francisco, California, we are doing a big, jam packed Stradio Lab live show on Friday, January seventeenth at Cobbs Comedy Club as part of SF's Sketch Fest. We cannot wait to see you, guys. Tickets are available in our Instagram bios and on linktree dot com, slash Stradio Lab. That's l I n K t r ee dot com, slash Stradio Lab. Tell your friends,

Podcast starts now. What is up everyone around the globe? And welcome to Tradia Lab, the first one of twenty twenty five.

Oh my god, that's right.

Happy New Year, Happy New Year, George. Wow, god, I love when we pretend no.

It's so amazing. And I wonder what the world. I wonder what the world looks like. And we have no idea right now.

We have no idea. We are in mid December, not even early December.

It's I'll say it's December sixth.

You know it's December sixth.

I want to shout out to our dear friend Charlie Barday, WHI tweeted, it's always crazy when a date is the sixth of something, because it's like, oh my god, that's like January sixth.

Damn.

That's which I was sort of feeling today. I was struck by the I was struck by the date. But you know, you could be listening on literal January sixth. Oh my god. I don't even know when this is coming out, but that could be very well likely.

I think it comes out January seventh, because Janiary sixth, I believe it was a.

Monday Wow, starting the week off.

Right, starting the week off right. Remember, remember January sixth.

One thing that was funny about January sixth was I posted a comedy video that day.

That's amazing about how.

I've used starting the capitol.

No, it was it was sort of off off theme.

It was about how I wanted to know at the exact point a lazy river could become lazy enough to where it became a pool. And I thought this, you know, this was something that I'd been rattling around in my brain for quite a bit, and I said, great, here's a perfect day to post this amazing video.

And this was while the instruction was happening.

This was maybe one hour before I got it, so I will say, you know, it was actually getting some good traction then quickly got buried. And it was pretty funny to be checking checking the stats and being like, how's my video doing?

And then being like, wait, what's going on? I mean.

One of the great sort of genres of like fun story, I guess is the things people just did or just produced or just like you know, worked on or whatever right before a huge world changing event. It's like people that like published nonfiction books right before Trump was elected and they were like so misdiagnosing the moment. It's like books that were like how progress is natural? Like, and they were like, all right, this is it, y'all.

Yeah, or I mean this is less similar but still a funny thing, like when Mariah Carey's Glitter came out on nine to eleven, nine eleven, of course.

Yes, oh that's so that's that really is classic.

It's so classic because she couldn't have known. Yeah, how could she have known?

I mean, of course, the various comedy shows both in New York and LA. On election Night twenty sixteen, John Early like popping out out of like popping on stage during a Britney impression while they're calling results.

Do you ever think, like whenever something like if I like book a date for something, I'm like, I try to like run through what could possibly go wrong on that date. Like I'm like, I hope like a new plague doesn't drop before then, or I hope, like I really run through a couple of things, like the White House doesn't burn that day, because because then who.

Will come to my show?

Yeah, it's good that we can focus on what really matters.

Yeah, of course yourself of course.

Speaking of what really matters, you know, I'll say it, Hulu is getting into comedy specials.

Yeah, and someone needs to speak.

And someone needs to speak on it. And I actually can't think of anyone better than our guest today. We lever so much and we are both huge fans and we are so excited everyon and her name is Alana Glazer Hilana.

Hello, George and Sam, thanks for having me.

Hey, how's it going here?

It's going well. I'm I'm happy to be talking to you.

Wow.

You know you did say before recording that you have a packed fry day.

How does that feel? Emotions going?

It feels I'm I'm starting the release, you know, I'm starting to get some relief and release and by ending the day with you guys, at least ending it professionally, which is what I consider this context.

Yes, and we will be sending you a W two.

And yeah, I don't know.

This is all pretty lucky and lovely. So I'm I'm happy. I'm contented. How are you guys today on December sixth, not January sixth and summer.

Yeah, yeah, it's so similar. I had a I'm okay, I'm good. Actually, I had an interesting I've been in LA for officially like one year.

Oh weird.

I was in New York before and it was a big part of my identity for twelve years.

Oh God, It's like it is my whole identity.

Sam Moving the Sam Moving to LA is like the undercurrent of the of this last year of the podcast. It has, i would say, become officially a podcast that is about the differences between New York and LA. It has become a podcast about Sam's various thoughts on the paramount a lot on you know, Sam's various real estate journeys in Los Angeles, his new lesbian landlord, etcetera.

And of course my medical journeys and Sam's medical journeys.

She's cool. She's an interesting person.

You know, said cruel cruel Anas like, wait, so she's a lesbian? Is she cruel?

I was. I was just hoping, hoping for like a caricature of like you'd think she was cool. She's like a gay lady, but she's like the hardest, toughest landlord. You just came from New York, you know, but here in LA it's actually harder than you think.

Kind of yeah, I think she She more like gets annoyed when we're like impersonal.

She's like, you're not in New York anymore. You gotta say hello, And.

I'm like no, I don't like yeah, interesting, how friendliness can be oppressive. This is something, this is one of the great like you know, it's like that thing what people are like, what is it like kind but nice, or like kind but not nice, or nice but not kind, or like how people in the Midwest are so so nice? But then it all is coming from such a place of passive aggression.

Yes, yes, yeah, and also medical journey. Can I just check on that? Are you okay?

Actually? Yeah?

This so this is an amazing day because part of my day was it. This morning I went to my urologists that I've been on a journey with over the last year and everything is a okay.

So happy to hear that.

Yeah, So it's truly been like one year of all this and.

Now I'm I'm a held explorer, girly, I'm about OB's euro Gundes urologists, and I'm happy to hear that you and your you're you. I'm happy to hear that you and your urologists have not a place of peace.

Yeah, we're at a place of peace.

And I do think I want to say, I'm actually so happy to have a urologist as like as an accessoryne.

Get if you don't have a urologist, get a urologist.

When my urologist calls, I can't help it, scream my urologist is calling.

Yeah, it's like agent is calling.

Yes, Genna Maroney saying your fecalist is poisoning your what is it, facialist or whatever?

Yeah. I feel so bad for people that don't have urologists.

I mean, you're not living kabbalaists. Sorry, my fecalist is poisoning my kabala ist. I mean, come on, who is doing writing like that anymore?

Very few, very few to none.

I guess it hadn'ccurded to me.

Sam.

That another journey that we've had since we started this podcast. In the beginning, I was having minor butt surgery, and then we moved to you having sort of major surgery.

Yeah.

So now it's the ball is back to me again, and we'll see how it goes over here.

I can't wait to see what you come up with.

I'm excited for a new medical issue. I think it's coming.

How old are you guys?

Wow?

Awesome question, Alana.

I'm thirty seven. I'll offer mine first.

I'm thirty five and I'm thirty three.

I'm the baby, okay, little baby, so I'm like really getting into my health journey and like doing all my prophylactic medical appointments. Like I'm having like a weird little heart thing, and so I got this like heart monitor and I was like, oh my god, my heart monitor. And then now I have like the follow up appointment where I'm going to do the stress test and run and stuff, and it's just like it's exciting.

Yeah, no, that's awesome.

Have you always been doctor forward?

No? No, no, Actually this is.

Not to immediately go gay versus straight, but this is something I'm curious about. Like I think this could be argued both ways, Like is it more gay or straight to be to have hypochondriac tendencies and to not not that I'm saying that's what you have obviously, but to have to be like into preventative care in this like obsessive way.

I would say gay.

I would think so too fully.

Fully gay, I think because like straight guys like they're like I don't know what I care for myself, and like they'll.

Armor off their socket and it'll be hanging off their body and they'll just be like, anyway, I have to go to the gym.

Yeah, there's also like literal statistics of like, when straight men get married, they live longer because their wires make them go to the doctor.

Well, this is a whole other issue of like the the most dangerous period in a man's life is between mommy and wife because they could die at any moment because they have no one.

Oh, it's true. And women who are married to men live shorter because.

Well, because we have much response psychologically, they're being poisoned.

Damn no, I'm I'm Alana. I'm kind of similar right now. I'm like I went to the dentist for the first time in eight years.

Oh my god.

And the dentist now is like for also like cancer screenings for your like throat and tongue and gums and ship It's not just we're not talking teeth cleanings anymore, but it's like about DNS.

Wow, I had no idea.

The dentist it's not just for your teeth anymore.

Yeah, you want them looking down there, you know what I mean, Like the up there down there is what you want from.

Your Do you go to one of those trendy dentists, Alanna, That's oh.

No, No, I go to like a like farty office that my husband was like obsessed with this doctor, actually the dentist, because she has such gentle hands, and she really does. She's literally was a ballerina and then become a dentist and like it's almost like her fingertips are dancing along my gums.

One of the most amazingiful stories.

So here's the thing with dancers, Thank you, Sam. Dancers, It's like either you have a tragic either it's black Swan, or you channel all that discipline into becoming the best dentist in Brooklyn. And it's actually it's you know what else is like that being a child star? Either you crash and burn or you become the most Yeah. I you know, I won't name any names, but I worked for a former child star this past year, the most professional, the most like making eye contact with you, knows exactly

Yeah, yeah for sure.

Yeah, yeah, it can go either way.

I mean I do think the credit that it is to have been a dancer, Like on any profession, if someone's like and they were a dancer, I'm immediately I'm like, I trust you with whatever to me.

I trust that more than if someone is. I say this with no disrespect to our veterans and our men and men and women in uniform. But sometimes when people brag about being a VET, I'm like, okay, you're you know what you're doing here, show me do a pirouette and then we'll talk.

No, I obviously, I think it's one of the weird I think it's honestly a generational difference when like, older people love to be like.

And and he was in the military.

And younger are supposed to be like and she was a dancer.

Yeah that's right. She was a child star dancer, a.

Child star dancer.

So I really trust her with my root canal.

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. And there's also like systemic shit on like the military that you're like, which side of this do you fall on?

Where you're like exactly, you literally can ask any questions.

Yeah right, Yeah, it's scary, But like dance, it's like, you're fucking incredible. The only systemic shit with dance is like if you were sort of you know, a Russian child.

But it's not your fault.

No, absolutely not. That's right.

You haven't killed anyone. I mean, obviously, listen if someone tells you they're a dancing coach, I'm gonna start asking questions. I'm gonna start doing some booging. But if you were a dancer, you are traumatized, and it's on you to turn that trauma and to a dental practice.

Yeah, that's right.

I just want to say the dumbest thing. I was, like, God, it must be like, it's so brave to like pivot from being a dancer to being a dentist. As if you don't, like, just not have a choice at all, stop being a dancer at twenty years old.

Well, that's right, that's right.

They put you out to pasture. You have to figure out something else.

Yeah.

Should we jump into our first segments?

Whoa's crazy?

Am I being so rushed?

I mean it's a little faster than normal, but I think that could be great and free up sometime in the future.

Okay, stunning, so Alana. Our first segment is called straight Shooters, and in this segment, we gauge your familiarity with in complicity and straight culture by asking you a series of completely nonsensical questions where you have to choose one thing or another thing. Think of it like a roar shock test. Don't think about it too hard. The one rule is you cannot ask any follow up questions about how the game works, or we will be so mad at you.

I hate when people are mad at me.

We will take back every nice thing. We're gonna send you to the dentist and we're gonna tell her do whatever you want to.

This to this perdon and this is gonna be a former military dentist, by the way.

Honestly great because I need a screening and I need to know if I have cancer. Okay, Okay, well then yikes, sorry for answers, but okay.

Sam go okay, Elana speratu on Christmas Day?

Or oh you've got to try my delicious cake.

Oh you've got to try my delicious cake.

Everybody hurts, or everybody poops, everybody poops.

Childlike wonder or warlike plunder.

Oh, childlike wonder.

Okay, a bouquet of roses or a ballet with poses.

A bouquet roses?

Oh, okay, being assassinated or getting ass as a form of payment.

Oh, getting ass as a form of payment.

Ass as a form of payment is literally like a Broad City episode. If I've ever heard yes, Yes, Okay, Alana, she's a brick and I'm drowning slowly. Or I got the ick when he suggested bowling.

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly.

If you care to find me, look to the western sky. Or if you're feeling hungry, I'll cook up a shepherd's pie.

Oh, if you're feeling hungry, I'll cook up a shepherd's pie.

Wow, okay, broad City or apploud, this is witty. Who wow, Sam, yours were so good today, No yours were to die for you?

Really?

I was like he he sat down, took out the notesap and said, today we're going to make history. Okay, we have to rank Alana on a scale of zero to one thousand doves. I have to say, I think that was a really great performance.

I thought that was a really amazing performance.

It was giving generational talent. I think she immediately understood what was being asked.

There was a point of view, there was a perspective.

I like that. Sometimes Alana went for the more obviously funny choice, and sometimes it was like no, I'm gonna pick a bouquet of roses. Yeah, I don't care that you made a little joke with a ballet of poses. This is about what I want.

Yeah, Alana wasn't gonna get pushed around by two random gay guys.

Yeah, it's like, who are these random gay guys? And why are they making rhymes that barely work? This is my show. I'm going to promote my Hulu special and I don't care about everybody hurts or everybody poops.

So I'm gonna go ahead and say nine hundred and twenty two doves.

I agree.

Yeah.

The only you know where there was room for improvement, of course, is there was a there was you know, there was so much confidence there that I was like, where's the vulnerability?

Yeah, where's the vulnerability?

You know?

Of course? And Alana, you know you're coming in with a turtleneck business woman, business hours. The earrings are very courtroom.

Oh my goodness. Wow, okay, okay, the pressure's on.

Yeah, but it's a nine twenty two, which is actually one of the highest scores we've had in a very long time.

Wow, Yeah we've had.

Yeah, Okay, I didn't even quite know it was a performance, you know what I mean. I thought it was more like it was almost like it felt like a math. Yeah, I mean, I was like, what I wasn't quadro I was going to feel and then I feel like I found a groove. I was enchanted by the options. Yeah, and by the word smithiness.

I think it's about finding the right balance between having a rational, mathematical approach and then having a sense of play about it.

Yeah.

I think you actually, you really did a great job at that.

Oh thank you.

You were kind of a former dancer who then gets into hip hop dance. Wow, that was a spirit. You can tell you're classically trained, but you're being a little Julia styles and saved the last dance.

You're doing nice.

That resonates with me. Thank you.

Yeah, huh, Well you get into the topic.

Wait, I have a question speaking of say the last dance. Okay, I have a question for you, Lana. If you could resurrect any property, any media property, film or television property, what would it be?

You know what I've been thinking about. I wonder if you guys know this. I've been thinking a lot about you. Ever read Jeremy Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Catcher?

No?

No, it was this like book as a child that my brother Elliott read and then I read after him, and it was like about this Boy's Imaginary Dragon, which is now a band, right, Oh yeah, dragon, which is a very like straight band or like like straight you know, sort of like presenting or something or we all have to pretend it's straight presenting, but it's like very gazing, yeah,

I think sometimes it's funny the books you read as a kid, because they're obviously like not amazing, but when they hit right, you're like fully transformed for.

A changed changed.

It's weird.

Yeah, I would say, like sideways story, right, what is it? Sideway stories from Wayside School? Like that was that Lewis Sacars that literally formed my sense of humor. And then I need to say it because I would say, I might have even been too old reading these, but honestly, Captain Underpants, I was like, in heaven, well.

You're like a octo generation. You're like an eighth generation younger than me. So I like missed kept under it was.

I would say, I was like at the tippy at the kind of end of that of me being able to. But also it's complicated because this is a long story. But you know, I moved to America when I was young, and I was behind somewhere from Greece, and so I was behind on my reading level. I distinctly remember my first year in America, which was second grade. I would watch Blues Clues and then everyone else would be like, that's like we're all like that's lame, Like I would.

I feel you though, Like I was like so depressed as a teenager that I would watch one of the Pooh and Blues Clues like to feel better. So I was watching Blues Clues at the same time that you were let's say in sixth grade, but like inappropriately, like I didn't need to learn English. I was just super sad.

Yeah, I also was doing more childish things than I should have.

Like I would play I played Yu gi oh cards when I was like far too.

Old, you know, not in a way that was like, oh, I'm like a collector of things, and this is just one of the many things. It was like I was just like I like you yeoh, and I'm in fully a junior in high school.

Not to control the situation, I just am making a connection that it's like children are rushed to grow up in a way that's super sad, Like it's so sad that we're we feel we feel embarrassed by being childlike when you like are a child, your child at eighteen, also like your brain stops growing finally at twenty five,

Yeah.

The politics of growing up, specifically in America are so fascinating because on the one hand, everyone's in a rush to grow up when they're teenagers. And then on the other hand, suddenly people are like in their thirties and forties and being Disney adults and going to Marvel movies and all this stuff. It's almost like if we just allowed people to be children when they were children, they would not basically live their entire adult life in a sense in a state of nostalgia for their lost child.

Totally.

That's like one of the darkest things you've ever said, George.

It's so true.

It's really quite hurtful.

You know, I just I come in with my four and I and I can just diagnose American pathologies in a way that few people can.

Wait, Sam, do you feel personally attacked by that?

No, because I I think where I feel maybe personally attacked is like, but this is complicated.

In our dynamic. George always is the grown up.

George has always wanted to be forty five, even when he was twenty five. Sure, and so I'm always like trying to push him to be a child again in like a but not a child. I'm just pushing him to be twenty five, like he wants to grow up, and I'm always.

Want to be a college professor.

Yeah, he's he already wants, like, you know, his college age child to be like asking him for money, and he's like, no, what's wrong with you? And I'm always like, George, can we just go back? Like can we live in a warehouse and like start a band and like yeah, Like what's.

Interesting about What's interesting about this dynamic though, is that then actually Sam is, for example, more responsible with money, more of a planner, and less of a procrastinator. Like Sam actually has adult qualities that I lack. It's almost like I fetishize adulthood, but I but I can.

It's almost like he's caring for that child as a grown up, you know what I mean, Like he's caring for his inner child.

Wow.

The social analysis is jumping out.

Yes, thank you, thank you.

Do you do you try to grow up? Do you want to do you try to grow up faster? You try to stay young?

For a No, Because I was like very I was like a very elderly millennial, like very young. Me and my best friends growing up were and we were like so uncomfortable, and the boys were gay, and we were all like when we just get to the city, everything will be okay and we get out of here, like we won't be you know, among it was very like

No offense George, but the more advanced.

Thing that I aspire to be, you know, because I'm like, damn, that's a freedom, that's a comfort with yourself that's like both a gift and a practice. Hope.

Well, yeah, and also I think related to this is what you're saying Alana. When you grow up wanting to be some sort of like a writer of any story, whether it's comedy or otherwise. If you focus on that, then you actually don't have the experiences necessary to have something to write about. So it's almost so you like exactly exactly blow your load early because you're like, oh, look, I can form a sentence, I can write a joke whatever.

And it's like like it's a false's it's not true that you've lost out on the opportunity to be playful and new and continually become. But I've actually found that mourning the loss of that time is the first step in the first step toward actually being present now and like just like being and living now. But it's like hard to be like, damn, I really missed out.

Well, speaking of missing out, I would love to know what your straight topic is today and what you think is straight about it.

So my straight topic I really I'm going to admit here, like speaking of child star energy child dancer like recruited Russian child dancer energy and the performance that I wasn't positive was a performance until it was affirmed after of the worship test earlier. I really was desperate to tickle you both with this topic, and I hope I've achieved to that with a straight topic of rushing perfect. I was asked rushing like a sorority. No, I'm talking about people in a hurry to get somewhere.

Yeah, you're talking woman holding tote bag, coffee, change, sneakers because she's wearing heels and needs to change. She is holding six things and she needs to get to the opening.

You know, she could be holding all those things but not rushing and it would be chill.

Yeah.

But if she's rushing and she's prioritizing her plans above others, it's very straight.

Yeah.

Uh is that good?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Okay, great, okay and goodbye.

No, well, I thought you were like, tell me what

No.

you think is right about it, but I'm like, we'll discuss it or.

Yeah, now we discussed Okay, Sam, what is your relationship with rushing?

Well, this is I'm so glad you asked George. I am a huge rusher, and in a way I think it is straight because it is like it's by the books.

You're like, I need to be on time.

I need to do what's right, Like I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and I'm on time time business meeting.

Right right right.

There's a scripted nature to it.

Yeah, it's like my parents are inherently good people, and this is like there's something unquestioning about it where you're like, no, being on time is most important thing, but I do do it a lot, And especially in New York, where I've talked about this, it's more glamorous to be rushing. Like I really enjoyed the you know, eating a piece of pizza while running down the street to like get to the show on time.

Like you know, in La, you're like farting in your car is what rushing looks like. Like just stinking up your car and hating yourself is rushing in La.

Social in LA sucks, you are just like you're just like honking. You're just like stuck in honking and just being like listening to a podcast angrily, Like it's like this sucks and you have no there's not even like oh I can run at least, like there's no run, you just need be causing you know, million dollars in damages if you decided to run in your car.

It's interesting, Marie.

Marie Foston's topic was being on time, and I think that has like its own that has its own quality of being straight. But I think rushing.

Is that's so funny.

Yeah, exactly. I think rushing is related but different in that it is a larger ethos, like you don't have to be running late to be rushing. It's about you how you choose to live your life. And it almost like is about a fear of a fear of stasis, like it's like you have to constantly be on there somewhere, you have to constantly be going to the other thing, and ultimately a fear of death because it's like, oh, yeah,

And there is like a like a deep seated homo erotic nature about it where it's like if I sit for a moment and have a gay thought totally, I don't know I'll do with it. And if I die, conversely, die without you know, having sex, you know, what I mean, having queer sex. I'm going to like need to elevate in the next life because I didn't do the thing that I wanted to do this time. And also Marie's thing, Like Marie's thing is like about She's like, if you're

Guy or whatever. And it's like a lack of deep contemplation and thought because it's about action rather than internal work, like you are, you're getting from point A to point B if you pass on the way from point A to point B a human rights violation. You won't notice it, you know what I mean? It is your only goal is getting to point B.

You are And yeah, George, what's your relationship with rushing?

I think, well, I have this sort of classic ADHD thing of it's either now or not now. This is the thing that they say about ADHD where it's like, this is why people procrastinate, this is why people realize on the day of the deadline that they haven't started. So I would say what my sort of ethosays is like, up until the last minute, I'm actually pretty calm, and then there's this like insane period of let's say rushing, let's say anxiety. But it's not a larger ethos that

I love how you work. I do feel so.

In that sense, I'm sort of by.

Yeah, no, that's cool.

I think I I'm this is a okay, maybe I'm becoming more and more therapy pilled again, George.

Yeah, and therapy pilled.

Therapy pilled as in believing in it and just sort of liking that.

Yeah.

So, actually, can I just very quickly say so, Sam and I have been semi ironically pushing back against the ubiquity of therapy, and I actually think and Sam, let me know if you agree. I'm like, twenty twenty five, we are all back in on therapypy year, I'm getting a new therapist. It is it is no longer. Therapy is no longer like, oh, this thing that is sort of lame to talk about because it's such a cliche

Yep, yeah, because I think it was it felt kind of fun to be like reckless with my feelings and be like I wonder where this will end up, Like I'm curious, like if I'm just shaken up for a bit, like where it'll land. And now I'm sort of like, hold on, that's enough shaking for now.

It's time to get serious.

Yeah.

But that being said, I'm like, I keep doing you know, fake therapy on myself, and I when I'm in a rush, I get like so like angry and like irritable, and in this way that is like.

A completely different person. It's not chill at all.

And I was like, I'm like I remember being I like definitely get this from like being late to school.

Like me and my sister would go to like we're one year one great a part.

So we would like go to school sent all the time, and so it would be like like if she was running late and I was on time, I'd be so angry and vice versa.

If like like we would just.

Like kind of go at it and be like like insufferable if we were ever late. And so I'm like I bring that into my adulthood and I've never let go of it.

I think interesting, would you say to sort of go back to the therapy question that CBT is rushing and psychoanalysis is sitting with it Like CBT is literally like action based, right like, And I that's why I think CBT is a straighter form of therapy than psychoanalysis, like psychonalysis.

You are digging, yes, dang, because like the thing about your whole paradigm, your whole framework with this podcast is like l O wol.

But then it's like so fucking.

Real, I have the hope we don't always got there ship.

That's right, that's right. And it's like if I can quantify it and do that exactly exactly, maybe I'll get there. And it's like nah, no.

No, it's like not not dealing with it's you being like filling out a form the entire time. You're but you have no idea, but you're like, I filled out the form. Here you go, I filled out the form. You're bleeding from your eyes. You're going to the front desk. You're saying, here is this enough. They're like, do you need to go to the hospital. You're like, I filled out the form.

Yeah. Right. For some reason, the farting in your car is coming back up for me, And like that's more psychoanalysis where you like have to like sit with your shit and be like okay.

Okay, I know it's funny. In some ways, LA is more psychoanalysis in New York is ironically because New York is so psychoanalysis and up the outside, but actually LA, because you're forced to sit with it, is more psychoanalysis. In New York. You're like, well, if I don't, you know, if I don't cross the street now, I'm going to be.

Killed, right, And in LA, you're like the whole purpose of the city is to create like a para a para realistic relationship of yourself with yourself. So it's like like kind of totally it kind of have to You're like, what is my brand? And then you have to confront like what your fucking brand is or something.

Everyone wakes up every day they take out a little life size puppet of themselves and they go to the life sized puppet theater and put on a show and everyone just has their puppet and they're like, look, my performance is really good today. Yeah.

It's like that's like it's like kind of Voodoo Dolley like staging it and like crystal putting crystals in Yeah.

Everything is one step removed from real life.

I think of LA mostly as a series of gates. I'm like, like in New York, I see just possibility. I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want. In La, everything is gated. Like to leave my house, I have to open a gate, and I have to open another gate, and then I have to get into a car, which is a gate, and then I have to go on a highway, which is a gate.

Being so Caroline Polo check you open the door to another door, to another door.

Yeah, pretty much.

Those are lyrics to a random song, yeah, to another door to she says, you open the door to another door, to another door, which is kind of one of the most true things that has ever been spoken.

Yeah, it's not even really coming up in.

My Oh poly check, you're making a playlist.

She's thirty nine, okay, I love her.

No, she's also Oh yeah, she's been around forever.

Yeah. Remember the band chair Lift, Well she was in it.

She was in it. Gorgeous, beautiful, fashionable, kind of iconically like I don't want to say airheaded because that's offensive, but there's something very like airy about her intellect, Like she'll be sort of intellect Damn she's so she's a great you know, she'll she'll have like great lyrics, she'll have great music. And then one time she posted something that was long lines of like stop comparing me to Kate Bush. I'm my own person, but like no one was comparing her to Kate.

But yeah, yeah, there's tough.

It's tough, you know, it's tough to be an alt pop musician and all of us that's not her life.

Yeah, we are lucky.

Yeah, I mean, okay, I have, I want to go back to rushing. Yes, Like emotionally, do you guys feel guilt when like I think there's there is something too the rushing comes from, like wanting to please others or something. Ooh, and I feel that pretty hard. And I'm like, do you do you both feel that?

Or no?

I would say it's interesting because you think rushing. You think that in rushing, you're pleasing others, and of course you don't want to be you know, five hours late. But I actually often think the people in my life that are the most in your face and you know, are almost like performatively anxious, always out of breath, it actually creates a bad vibe, you know, like you actually are more, it's much more. It's it's nicer towards other people if you have a more calming presence, even if

Yeah, there's something when you like said that, sim it's like I'm thinking about like brushing really usually has to do with what you you're perceived expectations of yourself pleasing, like that type of pleasing others. And it's like there's something outwardly imposing about rushing that is not self contained and not like self definitive the way that the queer experience calls for.

Yeah, okay, I have one more.

Okay, okay, this is the only argument I have for rushing potentially being queer. Ready, Yeah, it's dreaming that you can have it all, because I think I'm most likely to rush when I'm like I'm going to go to this thing, but I'm going to get a coffee before, and I know that this could like throw everything for a loose.

Like try.

Yeah, sort of like stuffing your like face, yeah kind of. Yeah, Yeah, I relate to that packing it.

In I really totally.

And also, you know, it goes back to a lot of these things, uh, like the fear of death, for example, of course it is a straight quality, but it's also historically a very queer quality, Like it is like the instinct I want to make the most of a life and to not want to settle is very queer, And so I could see a way, you know, I could see like a queer argument for sort of this having this like all encompassing zest for life, and in order to do it all you have to be constantly on

Because the oh go ahead, Sam, Sorry, Oh well.

It's also taking something that's a personal issue and making it like a societal issue, Like suddenly your feeling is now everyone else's problem. You're pushing, you're shoving, it's you're outwardly a problem.

Yeah, because the queer version of it, I wouldn't actually say is really rushing. It's like an insatiable thirst. It's in the context of oppressive straightness, like what we're talking about.

Yeah, it's also maybe a more psychological and emotional rushing. It's like you're you know, not to be, not to like romanticize whatever. It's like your brain going a mile a minute because you are, you know, trying to interpret all the different, you know, contradictions of the world and trying to see how you can live as other in

Wow. Wow, Yeah, no, that makes sense. I hate sort of I'm like sorry when you said that.

All I was thinking about was like, how when like scientists and movies about scientists like have that big moment where they're seeing all the numbers and really through.

That Like but that is kind of queer though anything no, that is it.

Is absolutely queir And I was like, I was just sort of mourning that. I'm like, that's never gonna happen for me, Is it? Like I never had that moment with all the numbers you can with all the words.

Yeah, I feel like that is like the that's like the difference kind of like rushing on the street, like you're saying, nothing's going on up here, but like the sort of Homeland formula, it's like a different thing. It's like rebelatory or something. And I feel like, Sam, I'm like, I feel like I'm witnessing a couple Homeland moments from you already today.

I don't know.

And also like the fact that you're in LA and you made this big move after twelve years. I'm like, I'm sure you came to some sort of like existential calculations.

Yeah, I'm going through them always, even a year in.

Oh yeah, I'm I've been here for like eighteen years. I'm like still going through them, which is good, right, Like it's like means you're like alive. Yeah, because there is this like thing that we're talking about rushing, but it's like just the sort of painful running that is being alive.

Yeah, what do we think of like rushing?

I have something?

Okay, what about like people that rush to sort of succeed, Like people who at like twenty two are like like I'm going to be a doctor, Like I need to like the rush to grow up, I guess is sort of what I'm saying like, I know we talked about it a little bit, but like more in like a business ye way, like people that like graduate college and are like, right now I have to go get a big job and throw my humanity out the wind.

Wow, what an amazing way to bring it back to our initial conversation. It literally was like the rushing of child from childhood to adulthood.

Yeah, is that that is stray right?

Or it's tough, because I really think it could go either way, because on the one hand, all right, let's say, in a traditional queer narrative, which hopefully now is no longer the case, a traditional queer narrative, you sort of are like losing out on the beauty of like child

I think it's more of like I don't necessarily think of that as rushing to grow up. I'm more thinking of the Russian to grow up as like, like the only reason I would think it was the queer side of it would be like you like want to prove to everyone that like just because you're gay doesn't mean

Well, I also think that's related to, you know, obviously rushing. As we said, you're running from something rather than to something. And I do think a part of the queer experience occasionally is that you are running from some form you know, until you accept yourself and you are a beautiful person, you're running from some form of shame, some form of

And like, to me, that's like that maybe a queer person at the center of that narrative, but the narrative is hard or normative by definition.

Yes, yes, yeah, damn.

I definitely was like the closeted one who was like, maybe if I can get really successful by twenty three, able to tell me I'm closeted.

I mean we talked about this with Vanessa Bayer when we were talking about gay people in gay students and student government, it's like if I can't be straight, I'm going to be president.

I was literally president of my class junior and senior year exactly, because it's like it was just like so uncomfortable, and I feel like it's like straighter to not rush in middle school and high school because you're like meeking out and you're like you're actually on script, you know what I mean, And whereas I felt like me and my best friends we were like, let's leave so we can write our script, you know what I mean. Oh

Oh my god, that is genius. Yeah, totally, totally. Well, it's literally like the roles don't exist for you exactly.

You know.

It's sort of like when Reese Witherspoon started producing because she was an aging woman in Hollywood and there were no roles for her. She had to produce Wild and guess what she and she made one of the best, one of the best movies ever made.

That's right. Wow, super sexy too, Yeah.

Yeah, huge shout out to Reese.

Hey, Rees, we know you're listening. We loved Wild just like a sort of new opinion.

She's always looking for she's always looking for a new ip. So I think we'll see she's always trying to elevate queer stories.

Mm hmmmmmm I guess issue definitely women's stories.

Yeah stories, Yeah, yeah, huh Okay.

I have a question, Alana. Did you feel the Broad City were you? Did you feel that you were rushing to it? Yeah?

Yeah, interesting because I'm.

I'm realizing now, like, yeah, it's it's actually insane that you got you were like so successful at like twenty sevenn or what however old.

Yeah, totally rushing. We made thirty five short films in two years.

That is so wild, it is.

We were like obsessed and desperate. It's crazy.

That's crazy, Tea.

Yeah, yeah, that's kind of what I mean about like mourning the loss of my teen years because like I wasn't I kind of like in my twenties and thirties was more like oh sex and sexual pleasure because like before that, I was like planning and planning and scheming and writing. Yeah, and then when Broad City ended, like I was twenty two when we started making this web series.

You know, like, who am I.

Outside of like writing and performing a person?

You know, did you ever feel a tension between how adult and productive you had to be as a creator of this and also how and how you know what I mean, and how.

The character if you finish I'm just relating.

Yeah, sorry, I mean, I'm sure you know what I'm what I'm saying, but it's like how adult you had to be versus how like I don't want to say immature, because the characters weren't immature, but how like, uh lost, the characters were like they were like very much like had these like constant sort of like entry level jobs. They were figuring it out. They were unlucky in love.

Absolutely, I like had like it was such a there was such a morning period after Broad City for like on many levels, but that was absolutely one of them. My husband says, I like blacked out during Odd City, and Alana Wexler is like my unconscious mind making it to the surface and taking the pleasure that I couldn't as a lot of Glazer because I was like very anxiously producing this thing. And you know, we made five seasons and we like had a contract for two more seasons,

Yeah, al was like literalizing the voodoo thing with That's what I was talking about. It's like you literally did get up every morning and you were like, what am I going to make my doppelganger do? Exactly exactly both conscious and unconscious projection of who I am and how I feel right and.

It's like it was so authentic, like Abby and I really met in this scrappy comedy way and we really it was coming from us, and we named ourselves so like that almost made it more confusing the distance between the characters and our real selves, where it was like, but aren't they us and aren't we so in such control over da da da da dah. But it's like you're we were like discounting like actual God being in control,

It was like.

Completely resonates with me. What you're what you're.

Saying, Yeah, wow, that is so interesting.

That is crazy thing not to go into promo mode, But would you say that like your desire to then recommit to stand up was a way to be like I want to be as as literally myself as possible, Like it's like I want to be not playing a character. Or is that does that not resonate?

Well?

It does, it does resonate. I choke. Are you having all these ticks?

Oh?

My gosh, okay, I'm like about to descend into my Grandma Harriet's giggle fit and I'm not going to do it. What you're saying, uh describes or what you're saying rings true for me at the beginning of creating this hour, but not when I like locked in because I really am in psychoanalysis, and my analyst was like saying to me, I've said this like a few times now in podcasts.

Oh, bitch, you did.

Okay, Well now I've got some like shit to sit in of my own. And it helped me clarify what Broad City had been. And with stand Up, it was like what I was excited about was to actually like reflect and have the capacity to reflect while I was making art, and also for it to be like a piece rather than a container for my limbs, you know what I mean. I didn't have the capacity to separate

Wow Wow, I love that It's some crazy for us to ask real questions where it's not normally.

I'm actually really proud of us as interviewers right now because we're not we usually, I would say, especially over the first like three or four years of the podcast, in almost a rude way, we would like forget to ask people about what they were promoting. We would be like, this is our show you are our guest, now tell us what you think is gay or straight, and then you'll be like, right, so I'm not getting paid for this, and I do have a special coming out and.

We'd be like, shut up, shut.

Your fucking mouth, bend over and take my pod. But I do have to say, like I really am enjoyed, like we are so genuinely discovering.

I mean, I don't know if like you know, I agree, I agree.

Discovering in a way that we're like whoa that it's like I don't care, but it.

Brings you so much joy when a guest like is on board with this sort of like collaborative theorizing, Like it's so fun because sometimes people don't feel like doing it and they like don't get that that's what it's just like why are you?

Why are you doing this? Then?

Yeah, so we really appreciate it.

I'm loving it. I'm like so in I'm going to miss you guys genuinely.

Yeah.

I also was like there was a because we don't normally ask real questions, there was something where we were like doing the theorizing and I was like, wait a minute, we like along the glazers here, like I'm like, what are we doing?

No, it's right. I wouldn't. You wouldn't want us to be like just like any other you know, just to be like, so, how'd you get into comedy?

Right?

That would be so straight.

Wait, that would actually be iconic though.

That would be iconic if you came up and we were like, so, how is UCB?

Yeah, I don't know, but to get lost I have to say to like get lost in discovery together feels very queer. Yes, and I'm just like lapping it up.

It's true.

Okay, Well, should we do final thoughts on rushing or Sam?

Do you want to final thoughts on rushing?

Yes?

Final thoughts on rushing to me?

Okay, another, I do agree that it's mostly straight. The one other queer thing about it is I'm thinking about like like rushing through the rain, Like I'm thinking of the poetry of rushing, and there is something where you're so down on your luck that it's like you because you're in such a sort of melodramatic space. If you're like rushing and you step in a puddle and you step in dog shit and a woman yells at you, like you're like there, you're you are you are in a narrative and yeah, you're.

The main character, a char When that is queer to you, I think that part can.

Be like it's just a self romanticize and it's like it's yeah, it's like I mean, it is the performance of it. I mean, obviously I think there's a way in which the performance of Russian can be straight because you're being such a like business woman. But also performance inherently is queer of course, Like it is much more queer to be rushing than to be you know, like sitting in a church pew wearing a blazer.

Like I think essentially we need to look at every single person who's rushing and be like are you self aware about your rushing? Are you living in a movie or are you thinking I just have to be there on time?

Are you living out loud?

Like we're talking about like different levels of rushing. I was thinking more like a businessman who's like shit people totally totally so like important or whatever. But like what's interesting about that also is like the camp of that guy where he doesn't he doesn't realize category is segative realness literally, and it's like, girl, we're imitating you, you know, what I mean like that there's like there's a camp to straightness that like it's really just about the awareness.

Yeah, exactly. It is all about the awareness that is huge, enormous.

Yeah, I mean the camunists of straightness is like doing the most obvious thing. It's like someone doing the most obvious thing and then you on the outside being like can you believe they're doing that? This is literally a bride wearing a white dress and a groom that is giving a toast. It's like the movies, they're doing it. That's what's camp about it.

Yeah.

Oh god, when a movie starts out with someone rushing, I'm like, this person is about to like have an amazing level or.

His product opening montage literal.

Wait, I'm having like a thought right now, Like the thing about like what you're saying about like the bride and that she's the ring of my dress and he's like making a toast. Fuck I hope I remember. The fucking thing is that it's like back to the la thing is like oh my gosh, okay, oh my gosh.

Yeah, And the discovery is key. I think the instinct to want something new is queer, and the instinct to like basically like recreate what you've seen is straight.

It's like that's right, that's right.

Huh huh.

Stunningly, I think I've really covered rushing.

I think I'm never gonna like this is a.

Alana, I'm never gonna forget this day.

I'm changing conversation because I honestly like when I rush and I think I'm my dumb shit is so important. I'm like, it's like this is a I'm changed.

Yeah, I mean, I think December sixth will go down as as important, if not more important, than January sixth.

And say, January seventh, when this comes out, is gonna be even more important?

Right? That's right? Then both dates combined.

Whow amazing? Should we do our final segment?

I think that's an amazing idea. A lot of our final segments called shout outs, and in this segment, we shout out in the Grand Street oral tradition anything that we are enjoying. Imagine at CRL two thousand and one and you are in Times Square shouting out to your squad back home.

About anything that you like. We make them up on the.

Spot, come up on the spot. I just thought it was mine.

Do you have one? Do you want to go first? Story? I go, yeah, we'll go first.

Okay, what's up freaks?

Some losers?

I want to give a shout out to novellas. I'm talking novels that are like one hundred pages long.

You know you.

I'm not gonna stand here and be insecure about Sometimes I can't deal with four hundred pages. And if someone else said that to me, I'd say, oh my god, you stupid anti intellectual, sit your ass down, put that phone away, and read War and Peace. But you know what, I have to be honest with myself. Sometimes I don't have the patience for it. Not always, but sometimes. And when you get a book that is ninety to one hundred and twenty pages long, are you kidding me? You

Who, Well, that's groundbreaking, Okay, I think I think I'm gonna go I think I have one, well I have I have one and a half. Okay, okay, wait, I gotta remember what the second thing is called. Okay, this is going to be a completely disparate two parter.

Ready, what is up? Freaks, losers and perverts are on the globe.

I want to give a huge shout out. That's right to my dentist. I yesterday got dental procedure done, part one of getting a crown. I have never had one before. And I said, I said to him, I'm scared, I'm nervous, and he said, don't worry.

I got you.

And when I tell you, this man had me, I felt so taken care of.

I do want to say.

I know it's hacked for me to say, but there was something sexual about just giving up control and letting this man grind my tooth down to nothing. I felt trusted. I felt like I was looking into his eyes and.

He kept saying, are you okay? Thumbs up? Thumbs up? Are you okay?

Don't forget to free?

And I was like, this is amazing.

I love this doctor and this dentist, and the damn office is so humble, and the you know where the leather on the chair is cracking and you're like, ugh, this is a lived in office, not some of these fancy ringl like camera offices. This is a real fucking dentist and he is gonna inject me with whatever and just grind my teeth to shit. I love this man and he can hold me as tight as he wants.

I'd of this.

It came on when I was in a CBS and I said, this song is so good and I cannot stop hearing it and loving it.

Cozy Little Christmas Katy Perry.

I know this is coming out after Christmas, but mark my words, this is Christmas cannon from now on.

Cozy Little Christmas Katy Perry. WHOA wow.

Literally never heard of that song in my life.

Well, you haven't spent enough time in CBS, guys.

I wish I had gone first because those were so strong.

Thank you.

But in the spirit of queer self discovery, I'm gonna try, and I'm gonna go so okay. I do know that I'm nervous. What's up? Creeks? And one perverse and shucking losers. I'm going to give a shout out to hot water first thing in the morning. A mug of hot water first thing, Oh my gosh, gets those organs moving, loose up everything that's going on inside. It doesn't matter if it's dry out or if it's moist in the air. You are moist. You are moist everywhere, and you feel

Buffy you Wow, great, that was amazing.

I'd never thought of having hot water in the morning.

Do you not do coffee?

I do. It's just like when I'm being really a really good girl, I'm having a mug of hot water first God.

Wow, I'm definitely chugging water when I wake up but always ice cold.

I think that in my uh very gay guy, I think I'm gonna become one of those classic women who get hot water with lemon after dinner.

I really see that for you.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you want to that dinner out?

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and want to poop that dinner out.

Feel like an elegant bitch. Yeah.

Wow.

This has been an absolute delight. Alna, thank you so much for doing the pod, and tell our listeners will more time, what your specialists called and where and when people can stream it.

If this is coming out on January seventh, I hope you didn't celebrate the anniversary yesterday but rather took time to give your body healthy pleasure. You can currently watch my so more stand up special Human Magic on Hulu and Disney Plus worldwide for those you know, Greek and international course listeners.

Yeah wow, Well, thank you so much for doing the pod. This has been a real treat.

I'm honored. What a pleasure.

Welcome, bye bye bye podcast and now want more.

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Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sony and Olivia Aguilar, co produced by Bei Wang, edited and engineered by Adam Avalos. Artwork by Michael Fails and Matt Gruff. Theme music by Ben Kling.