"Online" w/ Patti Harrison (GaytioLab)

Podcast starts now. Welcome all to what used to be known as Stradia Lab. But for today, the one magical day of the year, it's Katia Lab. Happy Pride, Happy Pride.

Happy pride to all, Happy pride to.

Everyone in America only.

Mm hmmm.

So let's start there.

Of course, happy pride.

And when we say pride, we mean we're proud to be American, and.

On top of America only. I'd like to narrow it even further to specifically the coasts. Yeah, the coasts.

And when we say LGBTQ pride, we mean gay men. Mm hmmm. So we so gay men, We're proud to be gay men in the United States of America, specifically the large cities, that's right, And of course not every large city.

And of course not every large city. I'm speaking specifically about the pride of being in a creative city.

Yeah, and what would qualify as a creative city.

Do you think I think it would count as either New York or Los Angeles?

Do you think is just those two?

Oh? Actually, I'm getting word, it's just New York.

That's what I thought. You hadn't gotten the memo.

Yet, And in fact, I'm getting word it's only like a few specific parts of Brooklyn.

Well, but also downtown Manhattan. Well, you don't think it's downtown Manhattan.

I'm just not sure anymore.

I have to tell you a lot of parts of Brooklyn are even less creative than like the Upper east Side at this point.

Well, I'm not including all of Brooklyn, George, I'm which part? Okay, Bushwick? Wrong?

Okay, you've been gone too long. You've been gone too long, Sam, Bushwick is now all families that live in two bedrooms and they have five nannies, and all of them you know they are on paper creatives. But what that means that they work in advertising?

Okay, Well, then I don't feel pride anymore. How about that? Wow, it's official. If I can't feel pride in proud to be an American, and by American, I mean a person in a creative city, and by a creative city, I mean New York, and by a part of New York, I mean just one part and that means Bushwick, Brooklyn, then I'm not proud anymore.

I actually think we can make it even more specific and say that pride is only for if you are Sam Taggart or George saveres and it kind of excuse me, we haven't brought you in yet. And I think that it can be Like there's something beautiful in making Pride more exclusionary rather than more inclusive. Don't you think? Wow?

This is so we're taking the debate about like whether by girls bringing their boyfriends to Pride is good or bad.

It's not about that.

It's not about that. It's are you me or are you you?

Yeah, Like, I'm sort of tired of trying to negotiate who's included, who's excluded. I know one person who has included me. I've always been there. I've always been there. I've gone every year. I've gone to some event.

You know.

Some years I go to like a big parade. Some years I go to maybe some counterprogramming, or maybe I'll go to Reese Beach and just with my girls and we'll be like, God, we're so glad we got out of the city for the big parade because we don't want to be around all the riff raff, you know, some of whom are not even included in Pride, And so I think it's nice to you know, if you look at the data, I've always been included and if

I think that's an amazing idea, what an awesome orbit to be a part of.

And you know what's interesting today, actually we have chosen the third person that we are inviting into the new and improved LGBTQ plus community.

And it starts with one.

It starts with one, and I was like, you know what, let's like, start with someone we trust, someone we think is definitely LGBTQ plus, Like I've seen her at Pride events. I know that she associates with a certain kind of community, and I think we can start with her and then as we go we can just rebuild.

Okay, the rebuilding starts now. Please welcome to the podcast, Patti Harrison.

Thank you so much. I'm sorry I had an outburst. I just didn't realize you were building up to including me in that. So I'm really glad that it went there, and it taught me a little lesson about being a little more patient about you know, that maybe I could be included at the end of something that it sounds like at the start of the conversation about it, I'm not included, and I think conclusion is more important now than it was before, but not ever.

Okay, that's a really good point, Patty. So when would you say inclusion was most important and when would you say it was least important?

Yeah, I don't feel qualified to talk.

On them, but you're one of the three, one of the three only l G B, t Q plus people.

Okay, So I have to say I what I am? Woman? Born, woman I have. I was born with eggs, ovaries, vagina. Really when I was born, it was really small. Breasts grew as I grew older.

Weren't you weren't you born with big double d's.

Oh, I guess we're just gonna go there, Yes, just gonna go there, go there.

A D D.

Oh, it was single D.

Yeah, and that's they thought my mom thought she was having triplets in the ultrasound.

Yeah, but it was just your huge breast.

To yeah, each breast, but it was it still was as much pain, I think as delivering triplets, because they had to deliver me at first, then the left one than the right one, and the ass was huge too.

Yeah, but there's no measuring system, so you can't say how big exactly.

Yeah, we're still so behind.

Actually, why isn't there a system?

That's a really good point that why it literally like it's just as much of a big deal. And I actually say this, as you know, I'll say it a man with wider than average hips, you know, often I will have to google white hips.

Wait, is that true? I've never cloked to.

That about you.

I mean, listen, I'm not saying it's I'm not saying I look like a like a like a monster from a cartoon or something. But I'm saying, you know, there are certain proportions that you that the default man has and and my hips are slightly wider.

And I would like to say that as someone since moving to Los Angeles, my I've noticed my ass getting smaller and smaller by the day, and I would like to measure actually how much ass is being lost daily.

I do want to just follow that up Sam by saying, it's interesting you're saying it since you moved to Los Angeles, when in fact, I believe it's because of an injury you can't exercise. Is that correct?

But because of this very injury, I'm doing way more leg and glute work.

Oh, so your ass should be getting bigger.

It should be getting bigger, and yet and yet, and yet the day to day life in Los Angeles just doesn't work the ass in the same way.

Can you can you tell me what the injury was?

Or is that through my back out I have had her needed disc Oh, I'm sorry. Doing physical therapy back.

Pain is really tricky and complicated and hard.

Oh it's the real deal.

Well, I'm I'm sorry it's making your ass shrink.

I sort of. I think I think all chronic pain is fake. But back to Patty's Patty's various qualities.

Earth, So I only date man and I've never been sexually attracted to women.

Okay, okay, so you but the men can be gay? You think men can be gay? Do you think women can be gay?

Know the men that i'm can be gay?

Right?

And I think that makes I?

Are they? By then?

I don't that's for them. I can't speak for them.

Sure, do you think, Patty, the fact that you date gay men makes you l G B T Q. Plus I think.

I should be in there. I'm going after him, I say, I like. I like the way you Sashet. I can't. I can't fan, I can't find it. A straight guy at at, I don't. I don't know what a straight place is in l A. In Chelsea Peers at the.

Golf he brought up a gay location.

Chelsea Peers is gay.

Chelsea Peers is like where gay guys go to hook up.

No, it's where straight guys go to play golf. They go to hit, they go there to dry.

I mean, yes, there is a driving range there, but historically it's like sort of a shorthand for like fag you know.

It's like, really, I'm starting to think, like, should you have been the first person we added to the career community.

No, don't second guess this. I'm so excited to be included in everything. And I'm sure someone in the other room is screaming at me to get closer to the mic.

Yeah, I can feel myself screaming at myself.

So I do want to go back to Patty. When you think inclusion was most important and when you think it was least important.

I think inclusion was probably most important. I think in the period of when when sea life was starting to grow, the fins were turning into limbs and they were starting to crawl ashore because I think if you weren't included in that, you were just staying in the water and you weren't get getting to enjoy the many benefits of land. The land, I.

Think it was more queer to grow limbs or to keep fins.

Such a good question, you know, as much as I would like to say growing fins is or keeping your fins as queer because of like The Little Mermaid, I actually think The Little Mermaid is not a story about like beautiful transformation. It's about the power of how you need to change from the thing that you were that was beautiful into the thing that everyone likes and accepts in order to be in society. And I think that

Maybe the first few people to grow legs were like punk rock, you know, because that because they were in the minority, they were doing something new. But then they started growing a critical mass of people who had left eggs, and at a certain point it actually became assimilation for you to also grow legs and get on land, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think that's an incredible hypothesis, George, I really I can see that. I think it would probably be really difficult for the ones not growing legs around them to look at the ones growing legs and be like, what what happened to my partner or what happened well, and they weren't saying partner then, because that has been like a thing that people are just now adjusting to what happened to my boyfriend?

Yeah, I think yeah, back in the times of early evolution, everyone was saying only boyfriend and girlfriend and not partner.

Well, I think whales and dolphins are potentially sort of the old queens of the world, you know, they're sort of like, well back in my like in my day that we didn't have all this bullshit. You were either you were queer or you weren't, you know, it was sort of that vibe. Oh.

Well, what I will say is whales and dolphins are actually like a more recent evolved species. Yes, actually sharks have experienced less change.

Oh my god, Like.

The hundreds of millions of years. I guess they've experienced. Dolphins and whales are relatively.

And that's the sense they are. In that sense they are, sharks are sort of similar to old you know, like an old conservative, regressive, regressive person. You know, they have they have the bite to them, and they're a little bit like this is my turf, get off my grand chorino Clint Eastwood code.

Yeah, being like I hate what you are, but you're lucky I'm here. That's right to save you from gangs.

But then you know, of course, it also goes all the way around where people become so afraid of sharks and become so anti shark that then sharks are in fact under attack in the way that you know, certain boomers in America like don't have a pension.

Yeah, sharks are under attack in the way that maybe like transgender people are trying to use a bathroom. Wow, like like they say that sharks they think sharks are dangerous. They build up this like fake fear that sharks are going to go into the bathroom and like, oh, in hurt women when sharks can't literally can't go into the bathroom because they are in the water.

Oh my god. So this is I really like the idea. I hadn't thought about it like this starting a metaphor but then collapsing the divide between the reil and the metaphor. So the metaphor is that sharks are like trans people, but then the reasoning is that they couldn't go into the bathroom because there's sharks they're in the water.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want to say that, you know, metaphors aside. Yeah, there's this thing. I read an article that was about how sharks are like, uh, being more protect did by environmentalists and so like beaches actually are more dangerous, and I'm like, wait.

No, this is the give and take. The shark metaphors cand of apply to every single thing in life, which is they are deadly, but we have to protect them. And our role in this world as people is to figure out that paradox.

Yeah. I do think that sharks are naturally in that environment and they're a sign of a healthy ecosystem. And I think if you're in any area where there's like no fish at all, then that's a sign that the ecosystem is in peril, or maybe you're swimming in like dirty water where they're dumping chemicals. It's just an inherent risk of going into the ocean if you like to swim in the ocean. But a lot of sharks, if you look at the statistics there are, it's kind of

But like so many people like say, they're they're in the beach. They're at the beach maybe once a summer. You know, the way I'm hitting the beach, my odds are going up astronomically.

You think you're especially in danger, Sam, because you're going to the beach a lot over.

The South especially, I'm I'm victim number one. Plus they you know, I know how sharks think. And they're gonna see me frolic and they're gonna say, I'm gonna take him down a peg. Yeah, you splash a splashing, I'm flipping. I'm riding the waves.

They say you don't trim your nails so that they're like your tonails are scraping yourself and you're getting a little cut through.

Yeah. Blood is always flying everywhere I go because I live so freely that that blood flies out of my skin, and and so I know that I'm a target. Uh.

I think that's really scary. I think with like the HIV bringing that up, and and I feel like connecting in my brain right now, I feel like it's coming basically like the AIDS crisis. It's like that even though that like gay people aren't the only people get AIDS, they became kind of like this target target demographic for like the way the narrative publicly try to add that as like another way, the gay community is like a

Shark attacks, of shark attacks, we have to be.

Really careful not to correlate those things.

You're absolutely right, Patty, and I think it's like in the same way that during the AIDS crisis, organizations like would sort of promote safe sex rather than promoting like, I don't know, conversion therapy. We need we need a like a harm reduction model for the epidemic of gay guys being bitten by sharks because they like the beach so much.

Yeah. Well, it's like, don't go swimming right after you've been like gaped. No, don't laugh. There are odds that you have experienced more more substantial micro tears if your anus has been kind of worked worked in in.

Slop down, up and down.

Of course, the seawater is just getting in there and the so the tide comes in, goes into the anus, collects some of that blood, washes back out. A shark can smell that from over a mile away.

Yeah, it's kind of like a cavernous cave and that you know, you you like hear the sound of the ocean go in and then go out. Yah, and the sharks love that.

Yeah, well they'll take anything. They don't want to eat people. But a gay asshole like that that's so worn out it's kind of prolapsing into the water probably looks to them like some legal se ccumber.

Well, that's the best part of the animal. Yeah. It's like, if you know, even if I've been vegetarian for five years, I see a delicious steak, you know, medium rare, in a in a stunning French beastro We're talking a puav sauce. Yeah, I'm gonna crave it, even if I'm trying not to eat meat.

I've been vegetarian for a real long time and I've never craved meat.

Oh okay, I'm trying to agree with you, Patty, I'm trying to I'm trying to further your further your argument by adding a metaphor. And suddenly you are icing me out.

What is a puav sauce?

Thank you, I wasn't gonna say it.

What is a pap sauce?

George? You bring me to.

Move out of Los Angeles and come back to New York because you are losing cultural references left and right?

Sauce?

Have you never heard of steak au puav?

No?

That is George. This is not normal.

I'm sorry, but I'm already hearing I'm hearing people clack clack clacking on the comments, being like team.

George, team go to lavad'or in New York. I love steak. Steak up sauce is like a peppery sauce. It's one of the French sauces that you can get with steak.

Are you saying it's like gravy, it's like ketchup.

It's not like ketchup.

It call me when Ketchup joins the chat.

No, that's true.

I am calling a emergency helicopter to get both of you from the streets of Los Angeles and to airlift you into a gorgeous West Village French bistro.

I'm watching in the city. I have not heard a mentioned once.

I don't like helicopters. These are really unsafe. But if you've got like a plane, you are they really unsafeer?

Are they like the shark situation?

Helicopters are very are like a very unsafe way to travel. I would implore anybody I know never to fly wait really yeah, genuinely, the statistics for helicopter crashes are crazy. Helicopter pilots will tell you this like it's it's a really dangerous Uh. It's the way like flying in an airplane is like a million times safer, safer I just think there's more factors involved in like the leveling out of the helicopter.

Why do all famous people do it?

Because they I think helicopters are an easy quick way for them to shoot like over like whoa look at look at Like Leah Remini, she's she's a doing a travel show and she wants to look at the New York skyline. Let's get her up there. But I think that you can't really do that an airplane in like a quick way. I think I think the Eric Traffick.

I also think rich and famous people think they're invincible. I think that's why they do it. And I actually think that's why rates of death are higher in terms of like freak accidents among wealthier people, is because they really think that danger can't get to them. The submarine, I have a well the submar it's like it's a submarine all over again.

Well, I have another theory on this. I think, like I like, growing up, I heard so many stories of like famous people dying in weird ways, and I was like, why does this always happen? And then I moved to LA and I was like, it's the hills.

Yeah, people are bored and rich like.

What, like, literally, it's cars on hills and it's so scary.

Oh, you mean literally the hills. I'm not literally the hills not.

I mean like, there's just a lot of hills and a lot of cars.

Yeah.

Wait, so when you're saying freak accidents, you're talking cars only.

No, I'm I'm talking there's just stuff that happens.

It leads to that, but it's all, but it all leads to the hills.

There's a danger in those hills. In all hills, people are falling off hills left and right. There's like weird stairs. Everyone's driving weird weird stairs.

There's there's grass everywhere.

This makes sense.

Yeah, I think there's something that you could write like an academic journal about. But I think you need to like research.

Yeah, I think there ain't a couple more steps.

I can't believe I'm being told to research on this podcast.

Wait, can I can I tell you something about helicopters? A story that is not long and it's not I don't really have much to say about it, but it does relate to sharks and helicopters. Oh, my mom is from Vietnam, and she said, so she left Vietnam like at the pretty much the end of the war. Nearest to the end of the war. I think it was like the false Igon. She once saw an American military helicopter shoes a shark to the beach. She said that they were calling in that there were sharks in the water.

Well, there you go, folks, if you're wondering what's more dangerous. Helicopters are sharks.

That's proof.

Helicopters can kill sharks. But sharks cannot eat helicopters.

Yeah, unless unless the helicopter crashed.

Yeah, but do you think shark could a shark eat it? No, you're right, a shark could maybe eat the humans in it.

Yeah, you're right, But you teach a manda fish, But could you teach a shark shark pilot?

Pilot pilot a helicopter?

What if the what if you saw a helicopter in the distance crash, so there's sharks in the water, and then and then you just saw the helicopter lifting back out of the water. You saw bull of blood, and then you saw the helicopter lifting back out of the water, and it's the shark has like the the headset on.

That would be awesome, but it's like not doing a good job.

But it's doing a great job considering it's a shark, and it's like no, and you.

Know why, because that shark actually, after all these years, grew limbs. He was like, I'm sick of not assimilating. I'm going to grow limbs in twenty twenty five and pilot this fucking helicopter.

And it probably faced a lot of friction from his family.

Of course.

And it's now gone back to being punk rock to grow legs, because you know it used to be so first it was uncool to grow legs, then it was cool. Then it sort of didn't happen for many years. But now to grow legs as a shark in twenty twenty five is like really really a punk rock.

But I do worry about the shark though, because once it grows arms and legs, we're assuming in this like scenario that it has also like lungs and like the ability to breathe. Right, sure, sure, yeah, it goes into society, it's still going to be othered. There's nothing there's no other I mean, there's no other walking talking shark like it. So if we're having a conversation about inclusion, I just feel like, which we are, Where does the where does the shark fall?

Well? And it just it just shows the failings of our government. You know, it's it's a shark with limbs should be able to live a life.

Yeah, you know what, though, I sort of think that shark can do the work of like bridging the gap between sharks and people like I think that shark is going to be like a Jesus like Gandhi like figure, Oh wow, can you imagine the only shark with arms and legs, Like he's gonna have a ted X talk, He's gonna go.

That's not where I thought you were going with it. I think I see the shark going moving to New York City and sort of expressing itself, being a downtown creative.

I just don't feel I one, I feel like if Jesus came back, he would immediately be killed or he'd be he probably is back. He's just a homeless person on the street. And we're all when we're all leaving, walking passing by because we're on our inner air pods in our slack chats.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're listening to the typing our emails.

Saying do I really have the Caroline Polochick haircut? And meanwhile Jesus is dead on the streets covered in Joe's pizza paper plates people have thrown. I'm pandering.

People are getting Caroline Polocheck haircuts. Meanwhile Jesus is dead on the streets.

Damn in A shark can't even get a college degree.

But I'm saying, okay, so Sam, you're saying the shark with the arms and legs would become a downtown creative.

I do think that you think that.

I think he would be like a unifying, you know, social justice figure.

See. I think so it would start with downtown creative, and then the next shark to move here would be like, we're not all freaks.

Okay, wait, I think we're jumping so far.

Yeah wow, oh my god, that's actually that's the that's the sharks ted x talk.

Well that's what I was going to say, is we've we've like jumped so far ahead. We haven't. It's like the shark speaks English. The shark because don't have lips. They feel like extending jaw. But I don't think it would be able to talk the way that we could talk.

Okay, So so I agree with you, Patty, but I think you're missing one key thing, which is there are already like marine biologists who study sharks and shark language, so one of them would be called to be an interpreter, and the shark could in fact communicate with humans in that sense.

You're right, thanks for checking me on this. They're Armory biologists who study shark language.

Yeah.

Yeah, so we're also they say, what is she saying? What is she saying?

And she's saying prolapsed anus, prolaps.

I haven't had that in a while. I'm going to reese, I'm going to fire eel. Okay.

So maybe that is what the shark with arms and legs would do, is like maybe try to fit in at first, be rejected, and then be like you know what, fuck this Like I'll show them and then go to Rees's Beach and eat all the gay guys on land.

Well maybe it's like I'm going to eat the gay guys. But then it goes and the gay people are like, oh my god, come to hang with us.

Yeah, They're like, hey, diva and this is where it gets to the downtown part. I see, so the oh, yes, you're right.

The only people that accept the shark you're getting are like Keith Herring, you know, like.

Bosquiot, well, people who probably were facing the direct repercussions of the ades crisis.

Of course, Oh my god, connect that's they are saying. People are saying. There are articles being written that are like, hello, there are parallels between the shark with hands in with arms and legs and the age crisis.

Exactly should we do it for a segment?

Yes?

Have we started recording, Yes, but just barely no, the last five minutes. I think.

Let's start now.

Okay, podcast starts now.

Yeah, Patty. Our first segment is called straight Shooters, and in the segment, we test your familiarity with in complicity and straight culture and gay culture because it's gatio lab by asking you a series of rapid fire questions where you have to choose this one thing or this other thing. And the one rule is you can't ask any follow up questions about how the game works.

Okay, that's great. I was just worried for a segment it was called straight Shooters. I was gonna have to be like Kyle Rittenhouse or something. But yeah, this is I can do this.

Okay, Patty, Yeah, pick your brain or Dick on Maine.

Wait, what are the rules? Well, pick your brain, Patty, Mary fuck kill or Hillary and Bill oh Hilary and Bill.

Patty saying yes to the High Priestess or saying no to your five.

Nieces, saying no to your five niece.

Coca Cola or Cola Scola.

Whoa, don't make me think Cola scola, a routine oil change, or a poutine tasting strange.

Poutine tasting strange.

I love poutine, streaming, buzz cut season, or being uncut for a reason.

Being uncut for a reason.

Okay. Banjo Kazooi or that man Shaboozy.

No, wait, no Shaboozy, no Banjo Kazooi.

One kiss is all it takes? Or one piss inside the lake.

Ah, this one's hard to I'm going I love one kisses all it takes me to one inside the lake.

Oh, I love both, to be honest. Yeah, one one one, okay, Patty. We rank our guests on a scale of one to one thousand blades of grass.

Can I say something? I'm ready to go back to doves.

Really yeah, doves tho, okay, yeah, great, thousand look a thousand doors.

And I think you did an amazing job. I love that you had wonder I loved that you were wanting to ask questions. It's so rare that we get to scold our guests even lightly. I'm going to go eight hundred and ninety two doves.

I agree, And that's a really good score.

Patty, who has gotten the lowest Chris Murphy, Ah, why we just felt like it.

We just felt like it. We were in a bad mood. Dang.

So your mood it creates a bias.

Well, at least we acknowledge our bias. Yeah, many many in this world don't even acknowledge that their mood affects their bias.

You're right.

Do you think that the shark with arms and legs would come on the podcast and follow up question do well at straight shooters?

I don't. I think if it depends on how old the shark is too, when it's coming out of the water, because we're.

Weird, it's five hundred years old, that's going to be tough.

Yeah, just if it's five hundred years old, then it would have to be a greenland shark, because that's the only shark that can grow that old.

Yeah you did.

Have you seen these?

Well?

I see the viral one because one time I went to the dentist. You're dentist, the one you recommended.

Yeah, actually it's look amazing, thank you.

I just got them cleaned.

It checks out.

But I had a like old felling that looked like a greenland shark.

Oh, it's like the its skin.

Like it was like black gray, but then had like a weird blue.

A little eye that has like parasites on it.

Literally, oh whoa. But he fixed it. Unfortunately I did kind of miss it. It was a monstrosity.

I think that's in that if we're going to say one thing is like undeniably like empirically gay, it's having rotten teeth, you think so, yeah, because I think it's about it's like shining away. Well yeah, for sure. I think also the the like uh shut and the government system. The man, the dentist is the man.

The dentist is the man, and the.

Teeth is where it is like where you bite from. It's an animalistic thing. So it's like I have I'm not going to let the man take away my thing is the one thing I have. If like I'm ever like attacked by somebody at my at my lowest point, I can bite and then to have them, you know, possibly take those away from munal. So it's like when you're you're like, it's going giving a blowjob. The teeth are are there, So that's gay.

Do you think all blow jobs are gay, even if it's like a straight woman giving a straight man a blowjob.

I think if if she is wearing anything but like, she can be naked and it's straight. She can be in brown panty, it can be straight. She can be in a tank to tank top no bottoms, it can be straight. But if it's tank top and like basketball shorts.

It's gay.

She's wearing basketball. If she's wearing if she's wearing like a jersey, it's gay.

She's wearing a flatbeil cap. The more the more masculine she looks, the gay it is, is what you're saying.

And yeah, she's wearing an off till flat bill cap, like it's like kind of diagonal to the side, and she's like sucking, it's it's gay.

Can he change his outfit to make it gay?

Yeah, Like if he's wearing like a little baby doll dress.

Yeah, that's like a Pride flag T shirt.

Yeah. I wonder how she would feel if she's like she's sucking and she's you.

Know how there's the thing where people are like there's like infinite planets and infinite whatever, so like whatever you can imagine, it does exist somewhere.

Yeah.

I think about that with people's sexuality, where I'm like there's so many different little types and weird things that like there's somewhere out there there's like a straight couple and the but the girl's fetish is like sucking off a gay guy and makes her boyfriend dress up like Frank Target Pride merch and then like sucks him off and it's like so hot for her.

Yeah, and he's got to be like girl, he's.

Like work diva.

And the guy. But the guy himself is actually just like super straight frat guy and he's just like he wants to please his wife. He's like I love you, like I will do it whatever you want. And so he's had to like train himself. He's had to watch seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race. He listens to, uh, what's the tea with RuPaul and Michelle Vissage. He is, you know, is on Reddit. He's like learning things, he's going.

To he watches all the Housewives.

He watches all the Housewives. He like texts the wife's gay guy friends and he's like, hey, dude, like, I would love to pick your brain about this, Like if you ever want to get a beer.

That's awesome and go pit and put no piss in the lake.

That's straight, go piss in the lake.

Well, I do think like the that exists, and I think, yeah, I know women who are attracted straight women who are attracted to gay men, who like are attracted to the femininity of gaymen and constantly like have crushes on gaymen. And I think that's beautiful. And if that straight like Wall Street bro actually can dip into that space, that's really evolved for him.

That's really evolved, you know.

And I would say if maybe there's probably a woman out there who like wants to force her Streetmall partner to transition as a sexual kink and he probably is like I might do that.

Do you think he would do that?

He's like, fuck, babe, sure whatever.

Man, He's like, babe, He's like She's like like in saying what do what do women say to each other? No, Gurley, I.

Think is over now.

I think Gurly is over. You know what, I recently learned.

To get your ass.

I just like came outside.

You know.

I recently learned as like a real no no.

Bestie, Bestie, It's a no no in what way?

Like you're you seem old if you say it?

Oh, like saying install versus I G. Yeah, what happens if you say bestie to your like brain matter? Do you feel like a shock of pain and you feel.

Like I feel a shock of pain? Yeah, like Bestie doesn't?

It never sounded good to me. To me, it never sounded good to me either. I also Gurly kind of also never sounded good to me.

Gurley was fun for a sec I preferred Girlina, but Gurley.

Was fun, Like like is it Michaelina's? Is that the microwavable Niolina like mic Macaroni Nikolas.

Michaelis?

Maybe I'm misremembering. I thought there was like a like ready to not ready to eat, but like a quick baked macaroni and cheese that had like a theme song.

Wow that sort of Michelinas is like the name the Shark with Arms and legs would have Michelas.

Yeah, well that's beautiful combination of old and new because it kind of sounds like it could be like like like an ancient God. Yeah, totally freak a Roman.

Yeah, no, totally. It's you know, I'm having a real sort of bummer moment right now because I'm realizing mckaalenas would never do Stradio Lab. You know what mcleenas would do is all of the various like shock Jog podcasts that like Pete Buddha Judge has to go on. Really yeah, like I think like Michaelis would have to do the like kind of like dirt bag bro podcasts to appeal to Middle America to.

Try to change minds and hearts.

Yeah, because the the people that listen to this podcast are already, you know, prone to like a downtown art figure.

Yeah, they're they're prone, and they're prone in their position too. They're laying stomach down on a bed.

Yeah yeah, out perked up.

Yeah.

Mcalenus be damned well.

And I think mcalenas is kind of brave for for going into those spaces. How much English does mcalinas know.

All of it.

Okay, so like really really smart, smart enough to start to fly a helicopter as soon as I mean.

Mcleanus's origin stories literally that he on the spot learned to fly a helicopter, right, So yeah, he's gonna go ahead and be pretty smart.

He also like is four hundred like he knows the words. It's like he heard sailors.

Yeah, he's heard all So is it like one of those things where like Twilight where maybe he has some like old English and him Yeah, he can speak every language.

Like he's saying, like where art thou and and bestie where for? Yeah, Patty, I have a question. Okay, you know the moment I watched in the door, you said that our friendship is at a low point right now, and.

I just didn't think it would make it on them.

Yeah, everything makes it on.

So please that I just mean that, like when our friendship was good, it felt better, and now it feels in a bad place because I don't like being around.

You, oh oh oh oh.

And I get the sense that when you're around me you wail off and become really cold. Yeah, and you clutch your stuff like I'm going to take it, and I don't understand it. It makes me feel on edge.

It's like this weird thing that happens when you're around where I like feel like the value of my things more like I'm like, oh, these are actually worth a lot of money, and I don't like how that makes me feel.

I completely understand, and I wish we would have had this conversation like four months ago, because I have been I'm sure maybe you've gotten them, but I've been like emailing you from like a lot of like hundreds of burner emails, yeah.

Threats, and I like, could I just say something. I'm sorry, But it's like the elephant in the room that we're not addressing. Is the reason Sam is afraid that you're going to steal his stuff is because you have been known to steal his stuff, Like you just feel you have robbed his house multiple times, both the New York

I think we're rehashing stuff that doesn't it just feels I don't I didn't know we were going to talk about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I feel a bit uncomfortable to go into it, but I just want to say it does bother me a little bit that you are are going at it so hard, George. It makes me feel like you guys talked about it before because I personally don't remember doing any of that, not that it didn't happen. And I saw, like I saw the videos I love me, and I was like, yeah, that's me.

Yeah that is me.

And the video is stealing, you're stealing the stuff. But I just why are we rehashing it? I don't know if because I can't remember, I don't feel like I can really apologize, and I feel like that's what you want from me, But I told you I don't remember doing it. Yeah yeah, yes, So I just like I still get what we're what we're talking about.

So I sort of think the issue, Patty, is that I completely believe that you don't remember doing it, and I don't necessarily think you owe anyone an apology. The fact of the matter is all that stuff is still in your possession and you have not returned it now that you're in a better mindset and you know say that you would never do it again.

And there's this thing that keeps happening where like so you'll steal like say, like my Prada, like my Prada shoes, Like you'll steal those, and then and then I'll be like, Okay, that's okay, I'll replace them with like Gucci, Like I have these Gucci shoes, and then and then those go missing as well.

I said I'd replace them. I didn't say. I didn't say I would replace them with Gucci.

I'm replacing them when.

You wouldn't even need to replace them. You have the Prada shoes and you're in fact like wearing them and doing Outfit of the Day videos and doing get Ready with me, and you're like.

These are vintage, these are used, and by the way.

They don't even like no offense, they don't even fit you, like you're doing it just to mess with Sam, like they're too big on you and they don't and their men's shoes like there's no reason for you to be wearing them.

George, Can I can I get like a teammate because I'm being I'm being dog piled right. This is a witch hunt, This is weird.

I just I don't know. Because Sam Sam, I feel a sense of I want to defend Sam because I know that he has done everything in his power to mend this friendship. And for you to first come in and the first thing you say is I feel like our friendship is not in a good place, and then it's not.

It's not in a good place. I'm not going to be fait.

Skirt accountability when we try to, like talk to you about the things you've done.

I'm not skirting anything. I'm not skirting anything. I feel like I'm sorry, I'm raising my voice. I feel really like defensive right now, because I definitely feel like I wasn't expecting to talk about this today. Yeah, I feel like I can understand why you feel afraid to have your stuff near me because I have taken things from

No, no, what's going And something happened.

So I can't really remember, but there was something that made me really sad, and and so it's just been like, really, you're gonna you're gonna like fight. This is the hill you die on, is like, I have your stuff. I stole a bunch of your designer stuff. I stole like multiple times over the years and keep stealing it. And

Okay.

I just don't really think that's the same, because the power dynamics are completely different.

You know.

The statue of Liberty is actually like one of the most giant women globally, and so for me to go out of stone, she's made of stone, she's like from France. Like, for me to go up her dress is actually someone in a lower level of power reclaiming their power as a queer individual by going up the statue of Liberty's dress. You know, it's the equivalent of someone taking down an abuser, Whereas I think, I just don't you know, I think

Sam's not independent, He's incorporated.

That's true, you can be independently incorporated. He's the soul. He's the sole shareholder.

I'm the only employees.

Well, I what I'm hearing is that you think that a woman of any size it doesn't matter like that, like her size. A woman's size determines if she has agency or not, if like a man should get to go up her dress, if she if she's a bigger, if she's literally a bigger woman. You're like, that's just that's crazy, George. I mean, and the fact that she's

Patty, I just have one follow up question for you. I love those boots. Where'd you get them?

Yeah? I happen to remember buying those from my wrestling practice.

I cut them at the fucking store.

Which store, Patty? Which store.

You're wrestling practice?

You know, Patty?

I just I have to say, like, we have to move on, because you know, this is gaeteo web and we have to introduce a gay topic. But Sam, I do want to give you some space. I realize I'm speaking for you. You know, I feel very defensive as a friend. We talked about this and we said, you know, we're having Patty on and we want to like do it right. I want to give you a chance to finally just say your last word on.

This, Patty. I want to forgive you, and I will work on it. And I still may clutch my things closer to you know, Louis bag that I brought to the recording, of course, will be held close to me. Don't put your eyes on it, and I when you remember, I'll forgive you.

I think that is that's fair. I hear that you're saying that when the time comes should I remember doing something that I can't remember doing. I don't know when i'll remember that, but that you are can offer forgiveness for me. I think it's a really I think it's a really kind thing. And I just would like to say that. I know, George, you said we have to move on to go on to our gay topic. But what is more universally gay than friends fighting?

Wow?

Having rotten teeth?

Okay, well, what's the third we have? Fighting with our friends? Rotten teeth? And give us a the gay topic?

Online?

Online? Now? What about online feels a gay to you?

Community? Outside of your house?

Oh? No, my branded thing fell?

What fell? Oh?

I heart podcasts?

It's back.

Are those listening? The piece of Sam's mic that says I heart on it fell?

So anti capitalist of me, this.

Er I was about to see watching all Sam's rotten toeth fell out. Sam's one big rotten tooth fell onto the ground.

Oh and it says iHeart on it?

I okay, you got it to cosmetic.

My big rotten tooth would actually be a I think Lord would use it for an album cover for this current cycle my rot two. Yeah, it looks like a shock. That's four hundred years old.

I I do want to not make you sit in the rotten toothness. I recommended my dentist because I had not gone to the dentist in like sixteen or seventeen years.

I was similar.

I went and I had like four or five like bored out, rotten cavities, and they like replaced two of my molars and gave me a million fillings. And so that's that feels that's why I'm LGBTQ, even though I'm SIS. I have vagina womb eggs born that way.

Way.

Yeah, straight, you.

No longer have rotten teeth, so you sort of transitioned.

Into lgbt but I did.

Well, this is interesting.

I have the experience, like I have the memories. I remember that.

Is it enough to have memories?

So you remember your teeth enough? Feeling all my things?

Is it enough to have memories? I just I just think we have to not rehash.

Sorry, we're not rehashing that.

I think you're not able to move past the pain of it.

And yeah, I have. You know, whenever I go to the dentist, your name shows up on the screen because you referred me.

Really, yeah, does it say my dead name?

No, Patrick says Patty Okay does say white.

Yeah, huh, that's yeah, that's my that's I really wish you didn't say that, Sam, because that is personal information and it is, in fact my race.

Maybe maybe it's my race, maybe it's mine. Maybe they're maybe they frame it weird.

Yeah, you're why right?

Yeah, pretty much.

You've got some You've got some flavor.

Folks.

Have you ever been with a girl like me before?

With rotted teeth?

I was gonna say something sexy?

Oh like what George? Sorry, if you don't mind watching just for.

A minute, hmmm, kind of my Oh he disappeared, did he?

He didn't?

Like he really hated that.

Is he still here? George? Are you still here?

George literally left? That must have made him so uncomfortable. Sometimes it's like like when like straight stuff is happening, he like acts really like weird.

Why he's going to the bathroom to jack his cock off?

And maybe that's it. Maybe he's like so disgusted, but it's like it turns him on.

He's disgusted in himself that he's so harasked.

Yeah, because he wants to be like this gay guy who like knows what a puav is and like, actually, he's just like a fucking stray guy.

Do you believe him when he says a puav is pep.

Personus, I He'll just be spewing bullshit And I just nod and I say sure, sure, whatever.

Why do you do this with him? You don't have to, like you could do it with me.

No, the contract is like really strict. Oh god, yeah, they've got my balls in a bind.

Well I can help with that.

My my pussy can help. I can it can untie the blinds like prehensiles, like you know how people can tie cherry stems of their tongue. My pussy can help you get out of legal Uh uh?

What is it? Tribulation?

That's cool? So why didn't you want to be a lawyer.

Because I didn't want to follow my dad's footsteps. More like, more like, okay, should we stop?

Unfortunately we have to keep all of this it pass. But we can also just wait until George's back now and then be like, and now he's back.

Wait, what were you gonna what joke were you going to make.

That your dad's bussy was doing all the legal work.

For That's not okay, my dad's dead.

I know, but like you've said, he was a lawyer, like and you said that, Like I just am sort of saying, I wonder where you got it.

My dad's bussy.

Oh, George's back.

Are you okay?

George?

George? Are you okay? You're back?

I know, I know, but we're just figuring some other stuff out. But and so I and I can't really see you, but you guys should keep talking.

Well, I was just worried that because it just went dark, that it was like the scene in the Dark Night where Maggie Jillen hall Bo gets blown up.

Yeah, well, just to catch you up since you.

Were gone, Yeah, what happened while I was gone? And can get on?

Yeah? Well, well, yes, we realized something about you.

Oh my god, what is this?

Yeah, we just realized something about you.

What well, that you're a sick pervert?

What the hell?

And the you know, when Patty and I were having a connection, you had to turn off your camera and mike and leave the room to go.

Yeah, it made you uncomfortable to see that Sam and I's connection could go further than yours.

Sorry, but this is such bullshit, Like I literally came, I came in here, Sam to defend you. I had my talking points for Patty. You said, Patty abuses you all the time and steals from you all the time, but you were not brave enough to confront her. So can you help? And I said, okay, Like, I've always had a good relationship with Patty, but I'm like down to ruin my own relationship with Patty for your for the sake of your prodes shoes. And now suddenly you're

Realized, you know, maybe you weren't such a reliable narrator, and potentially you were trying to turn me against Patty because you didn't want us connecting in a romantic way, because you knew it would turn you on too much and make you not begin anymore.

Yeah, George, I don't know if you are being serious or not, because I don't know if you can tell. But all of that stuff was a joke and a bit that we were doing what I don't steal from him. We're a good friends. We're good and what's not a joke is the tension between me and Sam in a good way in the sense of the emotional and romantic and physical connection that we have.

So you're telling me you made up this whole bit and brought me into it as a form of psychosexual play between the two of you.

Your kink is.

Literally gaslighting your friend into like a fake narrative so that you guys can then feel closer to one another.

Well, let's just say yeah.

I think we can start by saying pretty much.

Yeah, Sam is straight, always have been. And my pussy is in the room and he said he fucks it and suck.

Yeah. No, I get what.

I get what straight is, Patty. Thank you. I understand how it works. Really, I have a question.

I bet you do?

You per And so, Patty, you're one of those six straight women that whose gank is that they want their straight husbands to act gay. And this has been a long term bit where Sam literally pretended to be gay his whole life, started a podcast with me, did it for five years? Also, it could lead to this moment of confrontation.

Yeah, and I think it's funny that you think there's only six of us. There's so many more of us out there than you could ever imagine. And you know what, and you know what after that five years, every time a recording ended with you. He came over and he fuck me.

Fuck yeah, yeah, it was crazy.

I said, what did you say? And he's like, we talked about pop and I was.

Like, that is so sick, Patty, Well, it would be sick if you didn't get a big kick out of it.

Georgina is here's a question, Georgina, you are other? Are our other guests and producers and iHeart and Will Ferrell? Are they all in on it?

Oh? This thing goes really deep. I mean, if you think Bowen and Matt are straight or are gay, you aren't paying attention.

So you're saying Bowen and Matt paving the way by having the by having their podcast, was also part of this sick psychosexual game.

Pretty much.

Yeah, it's not sick. It's actually a very sustainable way of life. It's unconventional, sure.

But it's Pride month and love is love.

And love is love, and that's I think a thing that we could talk about is gay hate, So now unwelcoming and other kinds of love.

Here's my question for the two of you, the happy cup is where do we go from here? You know, do I keep acting as though I don't know about this for the sake of our careers, for the sake of our podcast deal, and I guess for the sake of your relationship by extension, are you planning on, I don't know, eliminating me now that it's all out in the open and this is all over.

Oh yeah, you also missed that part of the conversation, which is what well. I told Patty that you know, iHeart has my balls in a bind, and that.

Is that another one of your kinks.

Let's just say that I offered to unbind them with my plus.

So I guess we can just say that, but I would, in fact like a little more context in terms of just materially what that means for me.

You know how women can tie a cherry, some with their tongue.

And some with their vaginas well.

Some can do legal documents with their vaginas.

Can do legal documents? Do you mean documents or like them wholesale whole clot from scratch.

I mean, it's.

Really interesting you bring up the word scratch because a lot of women, a lot of women call their pussies their gash. But see, my pussy stayed the same size ever since I was born, and it's so small. I call it my scratch, so okay, when men are fucking me, I say, oh my god, yeah, fuck my scratch. And then when they're like where do you want it, when they're about I'm about to come, I'm like, come on, my scratch. So interesting to use the word scratch.

Interesting.

That is really interesting.

Honey, George, I think you need to just drop drop the act yourself.

What do you what do you mean?

Let's just say going up?

What's that you?

Liberty's dress isn't the only thing I've seen you do, Patty.

This is I really don't want to talk about that.

Oh, we've seen you at Union Pool hanging out with those twenty six year old women.

That are wearing that are wearing deftones T shirts that are cut into little kind of like crop tops. Yeah, not even just regular straight chicks, kind.

Of alt all all Brooklyn type.

Semi semi al. Did you see Brooklyn Dikes types? Yeah, Brooklyn types.

Listen. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.

They whoop.

There it is, George that we knew it.

We knew it? Are you?

I don't think I like to keep those parts of my life separate, and it has never affected my performance on the podcast, nor have I implicated anyone non consensually into my own sexual which is valid, by the way, especially during this month, Pride Month, where I'm one of three LGBTQ plus individuals in the entire world, although we'll see how many are left by the end of this episode, by the way, and so I don't think anyone. I've never been dishonest with anyone, whereas you two have literally

Well, it's interesting.

All those girls at Union Pool know exactly who I am. They know who I am when I'm with them. They know who I am when I'm in the studio and they are okay with it.

And they know who you are when you're when you're in their guts.

Yeah, do you have a problem with that?

I just think it's a bit. I think you should win a gold or silver medal for the floor routine you just did in front of us. The amount of gymnastics you had to had to do to convince yourself.

Yes, the amount of gymnastic you're like.

Place you're doing gymnastic.

Calls because I just stuck the damn landing.

No, we're saying, we're saying that the gymnastics you're doing to gas sight yourself into thinking that you're gay when you're actually straight and you're fucking a bunch of semi old girls. Uh, Union Pool, Not that you stuck the landing on your own, are you? You are not Simone Biles and sticking your landing on your.

Own in the Olympics like before before or she didn't do well in that.

Regard, But you are Simone Biles in the sense of being an excellent gymnast, in the sense of you gas your ability to gasight yourself and doing so. What's your favorite position with Union Pool girl?

What's my favorite position with Union Pool girl?

Yeah, with one of the Union Pool what's your favorite position you like to do when you have sex with the Union Pool girl?

What is my favorite position I have to do? How dare you ask me something like that?

To me, that's a valid question where all adults were well, doggie, of course, doggy, of course, of.

Course, of course, of course, doggy, doggy.

That's that's what you two do together. When I'm not all the way, Yeah, pretty. And then Patty keeps talking about her scratch.

Yeah, she says, scratch that scratch.

Scratch that scratch, she says, and then you scratch and scratch.

Well, then I think we're getting a little far away. I don't call I don't call my pussiest scratch and then say scratch my scratch, scratch that scratch, because you don't scratch a scratchy scratch an itch. And I would not call my pussy and itch that has other weird connotations. I would say, fuck my itch.

Right right, this is so gross.

Uh, we can we can talk about online, We can talk about the online world.

I don't think we can talk about you know, Patty.

I just want to say, like, this episode was supposed to be a celebration of LGBTQ plus culture. We started out with like an innocent little bit about like oh ha ha, like we're being exclusionary. Of course, it's kind of a commentary on discourses around inclusion and pride, but you know, we everyone who's listening knows that our hearts are in the right place. We did a big bit

Fully legal twenty six. It's a very respectful age. We know you're straight.

We don't think you're creepy. Other than the fact that you want up the statue Liberty's dress against her consent.

How do you know that it was against her consent?

She has that sign that's like immigrants, like, come on in.

Yeah, I'm an immigrant. My career is going to look very different when this episode's over. And I think when I'm no, I think in a bad way. But I think what I'm struggling with is where do I personally go from here? You know, I don't think I am masculine and straight enough to suddenly transition into the into the straight podcast space.

I think you could, Yeah, try it right now, really quick.

Did you watch the game last night?

Fucking I was playing paintball and my hopper jammed. I was playing paintball and my fucking hopper. I got an automatic hopper that it has you turn it on and it has this little lever that you're like irritates the ball so that it's not supposed to jam, but the ball got jammed in there anyway.

It's just like pizza, Like it is too hot, it doesn't taste good, but when it's too cold it doesn't taste good. Like there's like this third temperature that's like somewhere between too hot and too cold that tastes super good.

Yeah, And when I put my a Co two tank in the back of my guns sometimes if I don't put it in right, it gets there's some little frost over and it's kind of freaky because I'm worried it'll explode.

And do you guys eat mozzarella sticks or is that just me?

In The biggest part a paintball that you have to remember, even though you might feel like a fucking nube is where your eyeglasses because you can do some serious damage to your eyes.

But seriously, if you're eating breadsticks, that's pussy behavior.

So I think what we're learning is that I actually think we made the right decision Sam, you and I as straight man, I think we made the right decision pretending to be gay for this podcast because I have to say, you know, to end on a positive note. I think our work speaks for itself, and we are much better at being gay podcasters than we are at being straight podcasters.

Okay, completely agree.

I agree.

And I think it's like we can consider this a form of healing. Like I forgive both of you, You forgive me, and that's final. And I think from now on we can just go back to, you know, doing what we were doing before. And I think, you know, when you pretend enough, it sort of becomes real.

That's true, Fake it till you make it.

They always say that, Like I've never felt, you know, that I was not being myself. I just feel like I was accessing a different part of myself, you know, the part that's false and contrived.

Yeah.

Wow, I think the contrived part of us is the part of us that will be most financially accessible and relatable to every other.

You know what it is, And that's what pride is sort of all about.

Yeah, that's that's what it's all about. And you know what it is. It's how Ellen is nice on camera, yeah, but in real life. Mean we're gay on camera and in real life not so much.

But and the thing is, honestly, when I think of Ellen, I still her brand is still nice. Like I can't. I can't learn. No matter how many things I learned about her, I still think of her as dancing on the TV.

Yeah, I wanted her she I watched her recent special Me Too. I kind of I kind of wanted it to be mean, and I think she expected people for it to be mean, and so she like doubled down and made it even nicer. And I kind of respect that. I thought it was pretty funny. And I think she's just has a has a very uh heavy boulder to carry, you know, and yes, she's sort of can she please us all? She can't.

She's like the statue of liberty of comedy.

Yeah, and when you're carrying a cisificium boulder, but you're also the statue of liberty, you're kind of in a squat and it leaves.

Everything address open.

For perverted, fake gay straight men like George to go up there and take a bunch of pictures of your of your party that let's be honest, that one's not a scratch, that's more than a hatchet woman. That's like, I don't know, that's like the dent that the Titanic made in an iceberg is probably how BIGS is.

If you think I'm allowing you to, like, you know, do like one more passive aggressive jab at this idea that I violated the statue of deliberty, despite the fact that we decided all of that is past us.

You know what, I will say, because you said something earlier, you said about like even if it's like playful, you still feel it and it's real. I find that sometimes, not just sometimes, a lot of times, doing a sustained bit where you're fake fighting actually does create feelings of like tension and stress, like in your body. Yeah, And I just want to say, I think you both are so kind and funny and brilliant, and I love you

Patti, Well, we love you more than you can imagine. We basically I think you're literally like one of the most talented people I've ever met my life.

Patty, we love you more than you can imagine. And I'm so glad you did this podcast. And I think the fake fighting is unfortunately funny, but I also crave reconciliation.

I do so well, thank you for saying that. That really means a mountain to me.

And I just want to say, sorry, go ahead.

No, I was just I was just gonna say. I think even reconciliation in the form of a bid or a joke, and in these fake characters that we create to make each other laugh or other people laugh, even fake reconciliation can give us a bump of dopamine in such a dark world. That's why we watch stories like movies and TV where we see characters who aren't real on screen falling in love and you know, winning the

Sorry, Sam Well, I actually really liked what Patty was saying, and I want to I think a common theme that I'm seeing.

I liked it. I just wanted to hear what you had to say.

A common theme that I'm seeing is this idea both you know, with Ellen with straight and gay, with bits and not bits, this idea that sometimes fake can be more real than real, like there are certain actually authentic things that can only be expressed within a fake context.

I liked what Patty said better.

Really, I think what George said has more, uh has more bearings to be like a Ted talk or to be like a thesis in a in an academic journal. That's that's I'm just referencing saying that I like saying academic journal.

Well, call Mikolitis, and how do I get cooking on that is?

Mickleanis It's Miles Sam. Are you okay?

It's been a long time since you were on that on the UCB stage, right, Yeah.

It's been a long time. Yeah.

Oh it's so what I was gonna say before, and now I'm pushing it, you know, because I already said one thing and I'm saying a second thing. What I was going to say before is that, uh, in terms of the real tension that exists when you're doing a bit, one thing that I noticed is that when you guys were allied against me, I felt especially marginalized because I'm also the only one in this studio and you are

Yeah, that's interesting because I guess there's all the subtext of like what could happen? I think when you're you know, in an argument real or not. You're wondering what the next thing they're going to say is, and you're kind of like trying to forecast the best that you can in one of those things. If we're in a different space, It's like if it got so bad, we could like unplug the TV and you just wouldn't see us, and then you would be alone and we would be together having sex and well.

In the sense that is kind of what did happen?

Yeah, yeah, I know that, but you are the person who cut us out, which made us made me no joke. There was like a moment where I was like, what if, like he's upset, something happened, he died.

What if he died?

Maggie jel in the Hole style, Maggie Joel on Hall style. I hate to say it, but I do think we need to know literally we need to wrap.

Well.

I do want to say this was like such a breath of fresh air.

I agree. I think I love when we can take Patty come on tour with us.

I will, I will, and I would clean, I would make sure you guys are up in the morning.

We're literally going on tour in August. Your keys, We're going on for in August and Patty, I want you to email those job offers, tell them, no, I have something better to do. We're doing SpaceX.

Yeah, I'd rather do small venues across this nation.

Some are medium sized, but sure, you.

Don't know how much a meal and drink ticket mean to me in the quality time of Are you guys going on a bus? Are you flying everywhere?

Flying?

And do you know anyone who's.

Ever the police don't destroy boys? Did a bus?

That's so fun?

Stops?

Yeah, stop doing bus?

I think what eric Andre and Sarah's.

Oh they did a bus.

Sarah snookes Sarah. Yeah, that's what turned into the picture of Dorian Gray, where Sarah Snooke plays thirty seven characters. It was originally this like really extended bit with eric Andre.

She worked.

She was really inspired by eric Andre actually, who turned down the role of Shiv initially in succession.

I don't I don't want it.

Well, it was when you you'll be like, oh, that was clearly supposed to be eric Andrey.

Yeah, well Shiv is like Shiv is like that you could call your penis a shiv. And then so Mike pussy being a scratch, it would make sense.

You guys are taking your buddy comedy hour on tour.

Sh sh show.

Me and Sam got to have our own little aside when you and away in the dark, and I think I would love to have Sam go away in the dark and then me and you have a sexual moment too, George.

I know, Okay, let's let's are we even do going to do our final segment?

Should we do it like so fast?

We're gonna do it so fast our final segment. Now that we're all gay again in the right ways, we are going to give a shout out to anything that we are enjoying. People place those things ideas in the style of its doesn't one you're at TRL shouting out to your squad back home? I have one, George, I'm ready to go. Go Okay, what's up pre sources and purpose around the globe. I want to give a huge shout

What's up, freaks and losers? I want to give a shout out to sort of like THHC or CBD based cocktails, maybe a canned mocktail, things that are non alcoholic that I can drink. Pagreon listeners know this, but I have to be for various medical reasons. Callie sober for the next six months, and I am not going through this summer without having specialty drinks and without feeling like I'm

What's up Freaks and Losers? I want to give it sorry, what's up Freaks and Losers? I want to give a shout out real quick to rides. I just started going to theme parks again. I love I just and I and I haven't been in like ten years, and I just started writing roller coasters again, and I forgot how how good it feels to be shaken around and thrown upside down and field g forces and stuff. It really makes me feel in my body you can't think about

Thank you Rides Well, thank you Patty for an amazing episode. And we'll see you soon.

See you and I love you.

Bye.

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Stradio Lab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart.

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sony and Olivia Aguilar.

Co produced by Bei Wang, edited.

And engineered by Adam Avalos.

Artwork by Michael Failes and Matt Grubg.

Theme music by Ben Kling