I ask my spouse a few questions about her experience as a transgender woman using public restrooms. Related Resources: Article - The 19th: How You Can Make Bathrooms Safer for Trans and Nonbinary People Resource - Refuge Restrooms : a web application that seeks to provide safe restroom access for the LGBTQ+ community Resource (PDF) - OSHA: A Guide to Restroom Access for Transgender Workers Resource - MAP : transgender issues and transgender bathroom and facilities bans Resource - National Center...
May 05, 2024•14 min•Season 2Ep. 12
The idea that a transgender person should not be permitted to use a public restroom that aligns with their gender identity is misunderstood and places the safety of a transgender person in jeopardy. This episode touches the surface from my viewpoint as someone who lives with a transgender person. Mentioned and Related Resources: Article - Advocate: Transgender People Confronted in Florida Bathroom Ban Article - CNN: 3 Myths that Shape the Transgender Bathroom Debate Article - The 19th: How You C...
Apr 22, 2024•8 min•Season 2Ep. 11
In this episode, I take a moment to share an overview of…you! Several of you have taken time to write to me and it means so much. You, listeners, are a diverse, interesting, wonderful group of people and I appreciate you. More transgender families: YouTube Channel: Great Scotts YouTube Channel: Jammidodger YouTube Channel: The Rage The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After S...
Apr 07, 2024•7 min•Season 2Ep. 10
Anger is one of the first and lingering emotions that occur when a spouse discloses that they are transgender; lingering as in years. How does one let go of that anger and move forward? In this episode, I offer a few ideas of where to start and it requires being willing to accept that it is time to make changes. Mentioned in this episode: Waiting to Exhale movie: Angela Bassett car fire scene (adult content) Verywell Mind article: Victim Mentality: Definition, Causes, and Ways to Cope Places to ...
Mar 24, 2024•9 min•Season 2Ep. 9
After a death in my spouse's family, she has her first interaction with her dad in a very long time. Can someone who is unsupportive about their child's transition come around and realize that transgender people are just people? Possibly. For my spouse, her dad has taken a positive step forward. Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx More transgender families: YouTube Channel: ...
Mar 11, 2024•11 min•Season 2Ep. 8
My transgender spouse mentioned that she wants to be addressed as female at all times, including our past. For me, it doesn't feel honest because I have only been married to a transgender woman for two years vs. 13 years with a male. In this episode, we chat about the issue from both perspectives and ultimately, there is no real solution except to take it case-by-case. Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, G...
Feb 25, 2024•11 min•Season 2Ep. 7
I ask our 10-year-old son how he is feeling since his male-to-female parent, my spouse, had facial feminization surgery (FFS) a few months ago in December. Judging by his responses, I needlessly worried about how he would do. Resources for Kids & Families: COLAGE Book - She's My Dad Book - He's My Mom Book - No One Owns the Colors Book - The World Needs More Purple People Book - It's Okay to be Different Book - Red: A Crayon's Story Transgender Reading List for Adults via PFLAG Books about T...
Feb 11, 2024•8 min•Season 2Ep. 6
In this episode, I share my real feelings about FFS before and after, and my spouse discusses how things look and feel two months post-surgery. Articles and Resources for Transgender Health: Global Resource: World Professional Association for Transgender Health Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund: Resource list for Trans Healthcare Providers UCLA Health: FFS Improves Quality of Life for Transgender People, Study Says For medical providers: AMA - Creating an LGBTQ-Friendly Practice Mor...
Jan 28, 2024•12 min•Season 2Ep. 5
Early in December, my spouse had facial feminization surgery (FFS). The day before her surgery, we recorded a brief discussion to share with you about why she felt she was ready for it, if she was worried about how our 10-year-old son might react, and any other concerns she might have. As someone living with a transgender person, I now understand how important this step can be toward treating gender dysphoria. Mentioned in this episode: Stanford Medicine: LGBTQ+ Health Program Articles and Resou...
Jan 14, 2024•9 min•Season 2Ep. 4
Two years ago on New Year's Eve, my husband came out to me as a transgender woman. That was a dark day. But change is constant and this is the first year since disclosure that I'm looking forward to celebrating the day again. In this episode, I share what has changed in two years to reach this point. Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx More transgender families: YouTube Chan...
Dec 31, 2023•9 min•Season 2Ep. 3
The rougher part of the holidays after your spouse or partner comes out as transgender: dealing with friends and family at gatherings or coworkers and acquaintances at events. Whether you attend alone or together, 'tis the season to set boundaries and prepare ahead of time so you're not caught off guard. Mentioned in this episode: The Daily Show: Leslie Jones Stops your Annoying Relatives from Ruining Thanksgiving Them: How to Prepare for your First Visit Home after Transitioning Pronoun Pins: H...
Dec 17, 2023•9 min•Season 2Ep. 2
Let's start the new season of the podast with a portion of the holidays that you can control after your spouse or partner comes out as transgender: checking in with yourself. Take a deep breath, listen to yourself, and find something positive. Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as W...
Dec 10, 2023•9 min•Season 2Ep. 1
The podcast returns December 10 but today, the first season ends with a list of lessons I've learned since my spouse came out almost two years ago. Thank you for listening, reaching out, and taking time out of your day to share this journey with me. I hope you find these helpful: Be kind to yourself Take your time making decisions Find empathy Allow yourself to grieve Find a great therapist for yourself and with your loved one Test out support groups, sometimes the best fit isn't the first one C...
Sep 24, 2023•8 min•Season 1Ep. 20
Deciding to stay married to a spouse who comes out as transgender is a big decision for a variety of reasons. In this episode, you get an idea of how my spouse and I make our marriage work as we approach the two year mark of her coming out as a transgender woman. There are no guarantees; one day at a time. Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wi...
Sep 10, 2023•10 min•Season 1Ep. 19
My spouse returns as a guest to discuss how she came out to her parents and brother as transgender and the challenges along the way. It took several months to build the courage to break the news and brace for any negative outcomes. Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman YouTube...
Aug 27, 2023•16 min•Season 1Ep. 18
In this episode, I introduce you to my spouse who came out as transgender a year and a half ago. She discusses how she came to understand that she is transgender, the rollercoaster of emotions leading to that moment, and what it was like to tell me. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide Human Rights Campaign ally guide * * * Get in touch , I'm happy to hear from you or answer...
Aug 13, 2023•12 min•Season 1Ep. 17
Emotions and questions are aplenty when your spouse or partner comes out as transgender. Sorting through it all is complex and there can be conflicting feelings. You can be happy that the person you love has figured out this piece to themselves while struggling through the loss of what you had together. Compartmentalization could be helpful. Mentioned in this episode: Psychology Today: Compartmentalization Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of T...
Jul 30, 2023•11 min•Season 1Ep. 16
Our son has asked repeatedly if I could interview him for the podcast and I always turned him down until now; transgender hate and misinformation changed my mind. It could be helpful to hear from a child how insignificant his parent's transition has been for him. A helping factor has been that my spouse and I remain respectful of one another and keep our emotions and the deeper discussions away from our son. The result: my son supports his "other mom" with unconditional love. Mentioned in this e...
Jul 16, 2023•9 min•Season 1Ep. 15
Oh, the things we take for granted. Traveling as a family used to be something that was never given a second thought. Now, we travel on high safety alert with careful planning and awareness of our surroundings. This episode touches on a recent flight we took to Chicago, a family event in Indiana, and things to consider when traveling with or as a transgender person. Mentioned in this Episode: Five Travel Safety Tips for Transgender Travelers by Aria Sa'id (2021) Equality Florida Issues (2023) Ad...
Jul 02, 2023•15 min•Season 1Ep. 14
Today is Father's Day and this is the first Father's Day our family has replaced with a new day, a new way to celebrate. As my spouse likes to say, we are in a new situation and the old rules don't apply. This episode offers alternatives to celebrate a transgender parent when Father's Day or Mother's Day no longer apply: you can create a date to celebrate, share the traditional date, or consider Transgender Parents Day which falls annually on the first Sunday in November. Mentioned in this episo...
Jun 18, 2023•10 min•Season 1Ep. 13
Groups can be disappointing but now isn't the time to go it alone. If your spouse or partner has come out as transgender, it is beneficial to find others in this situation to help you heal, navigate the ups and downs of the transition, and move forward. You'll be surprised, there are many of us out there. Places to find peer-to-peer support: PFLAG National and International Open Reddit group may be helpful to find local resources or groups use search terms like SOFFA (Significant Others, Friends...
Jun 04, 2023•10 min•Season 1Ep. 12
The anti-trans movement can be overwhelming for those of us with transgender loved ones. This episode touches on the term transmisogyny and how transgender women tend to be the target, plus how we can support the transgender community. Mentioned in or resources related to this episode: ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures Equality Federation: All Anti-Transgender Legislation UC Santa Barbara Resource Center for Sexual & Gender Diversity: Transmisogyny Education Ju...
May 21, 2023•14 min•Season 1Ep. 11
If you want to clear a room, mention "relationship boundaries" and see what happens. This topic makes everyone cringe but boundaries are there to help your relationship, not hinder it. This episode explores how to set healthy boundaries with your transgender spouse or partner as they transition, you transition, and your relationship transitions. Yes, it's all a transition. Mentioned in this episode: The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits that Will Set You Free by Melissa Urban Set Boundaries, Fi...
May 07, 2023•12 min•Season 1Ep. 10
This episode offers a glimpse of what it is like to be out at dinner or visiting our child's school as a family with a transgender person. There are a lot of raised eyebrows that range from the curious what-am-I-looking-at stare to the negative look of disgust. My tip: ignore people you don't know and you'll have a great time like everyone else. Kudos to allies who make life feel normal for transgender people ...as it should feel. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) G...
Apr 23, 2023•10 min
My spouse told me that if there was a "reverse pill" to avoid being transgender, she would take it. It is a heartbreaking time in the U.S. to see an increase of anti-transgender laws being introduced while living with a loved one who is trying to navigate their transition and live in peace. This episode explores how our treatment of transgender people can mean life or death. U.S. Suicide and Crisis Lifeline : Call 988 For Deaf and Hard of Hearing: dial 711 then 988 Mentioned in this episode: We'...
Apr 09, 2023•10 min•Season 1Ep. 8
These are the top five questions I'm asked as the straight or cisgender spouse of a transgender person. Questions are great, just be sure to "read the room" and make sure the person you are asking is ready or open to talking about their situation. Thank you to those who check on spouses and partners; we are in a unique situation and appreciate you. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People National Center for Transgender Equality ...
Mar 26, 2023•10 min•Season 1Ep. 7
Telling your family that your spouse or partner is transgender takes a little finesse, planning, and a solid mindset to accept any outcome. You have no control over the reaction of others but you can be content knowing that you gave it your all. Mentioned in this episode: National Geographic Documentary Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric Sam Killermann , author of A Guide to Gender: The Social Justice Advocate's Handbook Information for the allies in your life: PFLAG Guide to Being a...
Mar 12, 2023•14 min•Season 1Ep. 6
Telling friends or acquaintances that your spouse or partner has come out as transgender requires preparation. First, you need to reach a stage where you accept that this transition is reality. This way, you are ready for the relief, acceptance, or rejection that follows. Two things I've learned at this point: 1) people you know may surprise you in the best ways and 2) you can handle any outcome. Things to consider before telling friends and acquaintances: Does that person need to know? Who or w...
Feb 26, 2023•12 min•Season 1Ep. 5
Telling your child or children that a parent is coming out as transgender is one of the scariest moments. There is a lot of fear of the unknown; so many questions and sleepless nights leading up to sitting them down to share the news. Two things I've learned: 1) how you and your spouse or partner treat one another will impact your child and 2) kids really are resilient. Mentioned in this episode and extra resources: PFLAG (PFLAG International ) COLAGE Muppet Babies Gonzo-Rella episode , Season 3...
Feb 12, 2023•12 min•Season 1Ep. 4
It is normal to feel grief when a spouse or partner comes out as transgender, this is a big change. Give yourself time to work through the emotions and focus on how you would like your future to look. Take the steps, write down goals, to move toward a new version of happy. Mentioned in this episode: OurVoices podcast, season 4, episode 4 with guest Priscilla Tuft HER podcast with Gabbi and Priscilla Tuft Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: The Cut: My Husband is...
Jan 29, 2023•8 min•Season 1Ep. 3
