In this episode, my spouse shares whether she has regrets not coming out sooner and touches on the topic of what might have been missed since she came out as an adult. Due to current events in the US: Rainbow Railroad TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens Transgender Law Center Resources Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide Human Rights Campaign...
Feb 06, 2026•18 min•Season 4Ep. 2
The new season begins with a reflection on the fourth year post-disclosure and how things looked then versus now. Mentioned in or related to this episode: PFLAG and International PFLAG : Support, Education, and Advocacy for LGBTQ+ People and their Loved Ones Due to current events in the US: Rainbow Railroad TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens Transgender Law Center Resources Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allie...
Jan 12, 2026•8 min•Season 4Ep. 1
The season ends with a message of hope and an encore interview with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help you anywhere in the world, you can contact her here . The podcast returns in January. Thank you for listening and here's to hoping for a wonderful year ahead. Mentioned in or related to this episode: Coachi...
Nov 30, 2025•23 min•Season 3Ep. 18
It is an ongoing calculation to decide when to tell someone new that your spouse is transgender. Everyone in your circle may know, but one still has to decide if it is necessary, if you think your spouse will be okay with it if they're not there, and whether it is even up to your spouse when you feel like it is the right moment to share that piece of information with someone new. In this episode, my spouse and I discuss a recent situation where we were caught off guard and another where I made t...
Nov 16, 2025•16 min•Season 3Ep. 17
I asked my 12-year-old to share his perspective on moving abroad and squeezed out just enough to create a short episode. It is a reminder that kids are resilient and can handle big things as long as there is a support network to lean on — in this case, he has his parents plus family and friends from afar. There are lots of books, podcasts, resources and groups online to help you and your kids with an overseas move and even more specific to your situation and where you are going -- if you are pla...
Nov 02, 2025•7 min•Season 3Ep. 16
In this episode, my spouse shares her feelings about moving abroad. "We are not chess pieces," she says, regarding the current anti-transgender climate in the US. That says it all. Mentioned or related to this episode: USA Today: Safest States for Gay and Trans People Rainbow Railroad TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens Erin in the Morning: Countries Should Accept Transgender Refugees from the U.S. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (P...
Oct 19, 2025•13 min•Season 3Ep. 15
You know how we sometimes dissect our night out on the way home from an event — you think about things you said, what others said, what you would do differently. That's what it feels like I've been doing after living abroad for two months — looking back and wondering if things are as bad as I thought they were, and if we made the right move. This can't be covered in one episode but let's explore how things are currently looking from here. Mentioned or related to this episode: ACLU: Mapping Attac...
Oct 05, 2025•10 min•Season 3Ep. 14
In the U.S., the current administration has fueled a hate-filled climate toward transgender people that is false, dangerous, and manipulative. It is a loss for the U.S. when smart, kind, caring people who have the burden of carrying the stigma that the transgender label brings — leave the U.S. In this episode, I share why our family of three, plus one dog, packed up decades of life into nine suitcases and a few carry-ons and left the United States. Mentioned or related to this episode: NPR: A Pi...
Sep 21, 2025•8 min•Season 3Ep. 13
The big news in this episode is that I am taking a little hiatus until mid-September due to a big move with my spouse and our son. I'll miss you until then! I leave you with a few self-care tips that I hope are fresh enough to help carry each of us forward as we wade through these uncertain times. Chin up and onward we go, together. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide Human Right...
Jun 16, 2025•10 min•Season 3Ep. 12
It is easy to get distracted and drift off in one direction a little more than anticipated; sometimes we need to pause and hit the reset button when that happens. Recently, I have been laying it on thick as an ally to my spouse while forgetting about my own needs — not too difficult to do in these crazy times. While I reset, I reshare a talk with my son regarding his perspective about when my spouse came out as transgender. It's a reminder that things aren't that complicated and people are peopl...
May 25, 2025•8 min•Season 3Ep. 11
A heartfelt thank you to the listeners, even my spouse, who brought it to my attention that the individual I previously interviewed and had in this slot was not presenting themselves in a truthful manner. I consider the podcast a community where resources, ideas, and honest opinions can be shared. This means that I will dig deeper to ensure this doesn't happen again. Accountability matters. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender Peopl...
May 11, 2025•1 min•Season 3Ep. 10
In this episode, meet Renée Yoxon, a gender-affirming voice teacher who has created a suite of online voice courses to help you or the transgender or nonbinary person in your life to feminize, masculinize, or find something in between to shape that preferred this-is-me sound when speaking. Renée discusses their background, tips for voice health, and not allowing your fears to prevent you from beginning your voice transition journey. They also walk me through a voice exercise that you can find in...
Apr 27, 2025•17 min•Season 3Ep. 9
Two weeks post vocal feminization surgery, we hear what my spouse sounds like as she slowly recovers. She was on vocal rest for the past weeks and we talk about how she communicated, her reasons for opting for vocal surgery, and what she hopes the outcome will be in the months ahead. My favorite word in this episode: otolaryngology. Say that ten times. Mentioned or related to this episode: Text-to-speech generator Phone app text-to speech generator (Google Play) Type of vocal surgery: VFSRAC -- ...
Apr 13, 2025•18 min•Season 3Ep. 8
On the eve of her vocal feminization surgery, I talk to my spouse about surgeries she has had at this stage of her transition, the surgery decision process, and how she is feeling going into this one. Mentioned or related to this episode: GLAAD: Transgender Day of Visibility , March 31 FOLX : LGBTQ+ health care provider HRC: Get the Facts on Gender Affirming Care Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People Advocates for Transgender ...
Mar 30, 2025•16 min•Season 3Ep. 7
In this episode, I talk to my mom in her eighties about her reaction when I told her that my spouse had come out as transgender. My favorite quote from our talk: "You're not the one who has the right to judge." Mentioned or related to this episode: American Field Service (AFS) Book my parents read: She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders , by Jennifer Finney Boylan PFLAG National for friend and family ally support PFLAG International for friend and family ally support Book I recently read and rec...
Mar 16, 2025•10 min•Season 3Ep. 6
Telling your parents that your spouse has come out as transgender can be quite stressful; no two family dynamics are the same. In this episode, I talk to my midwestern, cisgender, former United States Navy officer, highly educated dad in his eighties about his reaction when I told him that my spouse had come out as transgender. My favorite quote from our talk: "The only change would be our nasty attitude and that just makes no sense." FYI: The podcast is now available on YouTube, too. Mentioned ...
Mar 02, 2025•13 min•Season 3Ep. 5
The news headlines about attempts to erase the transgender community can do a number on us. Partner up, it's going to be an unpredictable, bumpy ride. Rest when you need to, stay hydrated, and keep being you. Allies, time to step up. Trans Lifeline: Resources for Dealing with Post-Election Grief Mentioned or related to this episode: USA Today: Utah bill would ban Pride flags in public schools but allow Nazi flags for educational use The Salt Lake Tribune: Utah Republican amends anti-pride flag b...
Feb 16, 2025•10 min•Season 3Ep. 4
Misinformation and fake news are abundant, and knowing what's real and what's not can even take the savviest person by surprise. Transgender people are the current target and as the saying goes, repeat a lie enough times and people start to believe it. Let's change that. In this episode, I share tips and thoughts on how to spot fake news and stop others from spreading it. Mentioned or related to this episode: NBC News: Trans Pilot Shares "Proof of Life" Video... Cornell University: T ypes of Fal...
Feb 02, 2025•10 min•Season 3Ep. 3
It has been three years since my spouse came out to me as transgender. This episode reflects on how the first two years look from here, plus how things are going and where they are headed. Information for allies: PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF) GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide Human Rights Campaign ally guide Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Tran...
Jan 19, 2025•7 min•Season 3Ep. 2
It's a new year and as we wrestle with what the future holds for transgender people in this moment in time, we begin the season with a glimpse of the potential for positive change. My spouse decided to visit her family in México to celebrate her dad's 80th birthday this past November. It has been a difficult road for their relationship since my spouse came out and only recently have they been communicating on a regular basis. This was the first visit since my spouse began her transition, almost ...
Jan 05, 2025•15 min•Season 3Ep. 1
The season ends with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help anyone, anywhere in the world. In this episode, Abbe shares how a loved one coming out can impact the straight spouse or partner and offers insight into how couples can make it work. Abbe's coaching website Season 3 returns in January. Until then, be we...
Sep 22, 2024•22 min•Season 2Ep. 22
One month into middle school for my son and a student has already used an anti-LGBTQ+ slur against another student in a locker room. The kicker is that we live in what is considered a very progressive area. In this episode, my son and I have a talk about this incident, how a teacher handled it, and what he might have done if the teacher wasn't there. Related to this episode: UNICEF: How to Talk to Your Kids About Hate Speech Anti-Defamation League: What is "Grooming?" The Truth Behind the Danger...
Sep 08, 2024•6 min•Season 2Ep. 21
The Summer Olympics just ended and I'm always impressed by the overall mental strength component that athletes have to excel at their sports. It takes mental strength to succeed in sports, at work, as parents, and in a situation like many of us where your spouse or partner has come out as transgender. Let's explore this idea of mental strength to help us remain grounded as we navigate a loved one coming out. Mentioned in this episode: CNBC: I Study and Train Mentally Strong People for a Living -...
Aug 25, 2024•9 min•Season 2Ep. 20
New job, new people can be exciting for most of us and unchartered, anxiety-inducing territory for transgender people who just want to fit in with everyone else. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her first work retreat where she met new coworkers at an otherwise remote-based company. Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx More transgender families: YouTube Channel: Gre...
Aug 11, 2024•12 min•Season 2Ep. 19
There are times when someone famous shows us their transphobic side or a transgender person makes poor decisions that come to light and they paint a negative image for the transgender community. Both examples actually had their moment in various news outlets this week and for those of us with a transgender partner or spouse, we may get caught in the middle of a fresh batch of transphobia. In this episode, I explore ways to respond. Mentioned and Related Links: The people making headlines this we...
Jul 28, 2024•11 min•Season 2Ep. 18
The term "trans widow" is one that I thought I related to at first... until I didn't. It is actually quite transphobic and in this episode, I share why it doesn't sit well with me. Mentioned and Related Links: National suicide prevention lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) LGBT National Help Center hotline: 1-888-843-4564 International Suicide Hotlines Opinion: A Letter to "Trans Widows", From an Actual Widow HBO Max: We're Here Opinion: I'm a Real Trans Widow - Anyone Saying Their Newly Out ...
Jul 14, 2024•9 min•Season 2Ep. 17
For the first time since my spouse began her transition two and a half years ago, she is looking for a new job opportunity. She is a Latina transgender woman who is fortunate to be educated with a strong support system. Keep in mind that the transgender workforce reports low employment rates, lower salaries, and high discrimination. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her job search experience. Related Resources: ACLU: Report Discrimination Advocates for Trans Equality (A4TE): Know Your E...
Jun 30, 2024•11 min•Season 2Ep. 16
It's Father's Day in the U.S. today and the first Father's Day post-disclosure was rough. Now, two and a half years in, it's not a big deal but I still struggle with how to label my spouse when she's not around. Is labeling my transgender spouse a "spouse" enough or is it necessary to add more or less? Here's how I'm currently working through it. Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBT...
Jun 16, 2024•7 min•Season 2Ep. 15
June is Pride Month, a time to raise awareness about the LGBTQ+ community, its history and remembering the Stonewall Uprising, current issues facing the community… and it's a time to celebrate diversity and acceptance, hope, progress, joy. I love that allyship is strong this month. Let's explore how one can be a great ally to the LGBTQ+ community this month plus all year. Related Resources: Article - Harvard Business Review: What it Means to Be a Better Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community Resource - AC...
Jun 03, 2024•9 min•Season 2Ep. 14
A main giveaway that someone might be transgender is their voice. Speaking as a transgender person can be daunting and in this episode, I talk to my spouse about her road to sounding more feminine with the help of vocal therapy. Related Resources: American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA) : includes list of resources and how to find them Stanford Health Care: LGBTQ+ Health Program UCLA Health: Voice Therapy and Voice Surgery UCSF Transgender Care: Voice and Speech Therapy International...
May 19, 2024•12 min•Season 2Ep. 13
