The Horrible Pizza/Demons

Lemonada. Hey grownups, Lee here. Welcome back to Season 8 and another brand new episode. Before we start... I'd like to take just a minute here to ask for your help with finishing our season. We want to be honest with our listeners that it is a really challenging time right now for educational media providers, including kids and family podcasts like Story Pirates.

Unless we're able to raise more funds, this season could unfortunately be a short one. We've already received so many responses from all of you about this. So thank you so much to everybody that has already donated. and reached out. It means so much. But if you haven't had a chance to help yet, We're still offering for the first time personalized videos from us to you. That's right. For your tax deductible donation, we'll send you, your kids, whoever in your life you think will appreciate it.

Probably your kids, let's be honest. A personalized video saying hello, happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, whatever you like. You can choose a video from me or Peter or Megan or Nimini or Eric or even Rolo. This is the only time we've ever offered this, and we're not going to be offering it again anytime soon. So this is your chance. Get the video for that special imaginative kid in your life and help the Story Pirates finish our season.

And if you're hearing all of this and you have more significant resources to spare, we'd love to talk to you and have a conversation about becoming an accredited producer on the show. If that sounds like you. Drop us a line. And of course, all donations, like I said, are completely tax deductible. Get your personalized video or get in touch about a larger contribution at storypirates.com slash support.

That link is also in the show notes for today's episode. All right. Thanks for listening to all of that. And thanks for all of your support. On to the show after a few more words for the grownups.

Let's talk about protein. It's all anybody seems to talk about lately, and for good reason. So many people want to build muscle and support their existing muscle, but getting enough doesn't have to mean eating yet another bland chicken breast at the end of the day to hit your protein goal.

Ratio protein yogurt has 25 grams of protein per cup. That's more protein than four whole eggs. Not only is it packed with protein, but ratio protein has a smooth and creamy texture, so there's no need to compromise great taste. when hitting your wellness goals whatever they are. If you like a blend of citrus and sweetness, you might want to try their key lime pie flavor. And get this, Ratio Protein's 25 grams of protein is the most protein per cup in the yogurt aisle, plus zero added sugar.

This helps you get the fuel you need to power through your day. Ratio does the math so you don't have to. Head to RatioFood.com to find a retailer near you.

Time to wake up and start my morning routine. First, I dunk my head into this giant bucket of ice water. That's good. Next, I put on my emergency referee jersey that I secretly wear under my clothes at all times. Then I check my calendar. It's National Referee Day already? If I forgot, I suppose it's too much to expect that the rest of the story pirates remembered. Eh, maybe it's for the best.

It's hard for them to understand that a curmudgeonly old introvert like me only wants a very certain kind and amount of attention. It's okay they forgot. Smitty? Oh, I don't know. No, I'm not sure. We get you. Think again, Smitward J. Smittinson. That is not my name. Each of us has devised a different style of competition and only the highest caliber referee, one who's not afraid to dish out harsh but fair judgments, is suited for the job. What do you say, Smitty? Rachel!

Why are you getting down on one knee? What's in the little box? A diamond whistle? Smitty, will you be our referee? Let me get this straight. You want me to come out of my room, spend the whole day judging you and your ridiculous games, just to come back here and be alone again? Smitty, that's exactly what we're saying. This is the most thoughtful present I've ever received. Yeah! That's a two-minute penalty for XS Celebration. Oh, he's good.

It just filled me up with joy. My mom loves the jokes. Oh, how about like the wheels on the bus song, but like a different way. And then he started with the same improv. I definitely think I can be more creative now. I'm the champion! The Story Pirates.

All right, everybody, welcome back to the Story Pirates Podcast, where we take stories written by kids and turn them into sketch comedy. And songs. Eric, that's a two-minute penalty for interrupting the ref. But... That's another two for delay of game. Okay, but can I just... Two more for arguing with the ref. Arguing? Armed sportsmanlike conduct. But...

I can do this all day, Eric. Is that what you want? Ugh, no. Now into the box, and we'll see you in eight minutes. Ugh, fine. Wow, he is harsh but fair. While we wait for Eric... Why don't we listen to a story? Yeah! What was that a penalty for? Nothing. I just really like this whistle. And here to introduce their story is the author. I'm Haley, and I'm seven years old. And I'm Keon, and I'm nine years old. We're from California. This is our story. The Horrible Pizza.

Order up. Here's your pizza fresh out of the oven. It smells delicious. Oh, wow. This is the best pizza. I've ever had. I'm sure people have always told you how great your food is. Well. And your restaurant's always been super popular. Well. And I bet you've never served a horrible pizza. You're wrong! Excuse me. The truth is, I did serve horrible pizza all those many years ago. Is this a flashback? Yes.

And what did I get you two siblings here at my Italian restaurant in the past? Well, I know what my brother Keon here wants. And I know what my sister Haley wants. And what is that? One large pizza. Pizza? Are you okay? You look like we just asked you for something you can't deliver. No, it's fine. I definitely have pizza and it's great. You wait right here and I'll be back with a very good pizza.

Coming right up. And here you go. One large pizza. If you need anything, just call my name, the manager. That's your name? Si. Buon appetito. Hey, Kion, who's gonna dig into that large pizza first? Same time. One, two, three, jump! Manager! Whoa! Why are you getting on the table? Is this about the pizza? Yes. Why is it so bad? Oh.

I knew it would be bad. Yeah, who made this? My two worthless chefs. If they're worthless, why did you hire them? Well, it all happened even further in the past. Is this a double flashback? Yes. Here I am, the manager, outside my brand new restaurant even further in the past. I feel so young. Anyway, before I can open, I need a couple of chefs.

Well, where am I gonna find them? And then I said if I was any more tired, I'd be a semi-drunk. Oh, man, I'm telling you, you gotta try stand-up. You two random people. Us? You're perfect for the job. Report to my kitchen to be chefs in five seconds. See you inside. Hmm. When do you think this guy will realize we're not actually chefs? Probably at some point in the future.

Wow, are we flashing forward? Yes. Whoa, so manager, you're telling us that in the past you just hired two random people off the street to be your chefs? That is what I'm telling you. And those are the chefs that made this horrible pizza? Yes. Did they even go to culinary school? Hmm, I'm not actually sure. Hey, chefs, get out of here! Here we are, boss. What's up, manager? Did you two go to culinary school? We did not.

I am actually a financial advisor. And I dabble in tile mosaics. But why did you stay at my restaurant so long? I am a people pleaser. You offer dental and vision, you know? You two are fired. No scram. Thanks. for the opportunity. Frankly, this is a relief. Have a good life. Bye. Problem solved. But now you have no chef. Oh, mama mia. Now I must hire a better chef?

Did someone say, a better chef? Huh? A mysterious man standing in my doorway? Hello, my guy. I'm Bob, a chef. Other people, they give me great ratings. But other people can't afford me. Can you make a good pizza? A good pizza, huh? Give me a two and a half minute montage and I'll show you the perfect pizza. So perfect, they'll talk about it. in the future whoa are we flashing forward yes

So that's how you ended up with such good pizza? You hired Bob and it was all smooth sailing after that? Not quite. You interrupted the flashback before it was finished. Oh, sorry. Back to the flashback! All right, Bob. Now, when you say montage, what do you mean? It's more of a mnemonic device we're taught in the most prestigious of culinary institutions. See, it's passed down from chef to chef. This tune.

It echoes in the hallowed halls of haute cuisine. Les woos sur la bus. I'm not following. En anglais, the wheels on da bus. You put the dough on the baking sheet. Baking sheet. Baking sheet. You put the dough on the baking sheet to make your pizza right now on the verse 2 of 30. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The wheels on the bus? Was Bob for real? I was worried. I picked the wrong chef again.

But then I saw a master at work crafting the most perfect pizza to that ponderous song. I remember it like it was yesterday. And that's how you make a pizza. Oh, verse 30 concluded. Oh, bravo. I mean, wow. Did you choreograph that yourself? Nope. Improvised. All of it. You're hired for sure. But do you like the pizza? Between you and me, I can't tell a good pizza from a hole in the ground. But I have a feeling people in the future will say this was a good change.

That was a good change. I know. And does Bob still work here today? I made the pizza you're eating, my guy. Bob! And did Keon and Haley ever come back to your restaurant after the horrible pizza? We did. We're regulars now. Thanks, Bob. No problem. Wow. My dream has really come true. And I hope we'll be here for at least a few hundred more years. Whoa, are we flashing forward a few hundred years? Yes! Hello?

Oh, Bob, are you there? It's so rusty and dirty in this empty restaurant a few hundred years in the future. I'm here, old manager. Don't trip on my very, very long white beard. Don't trip on my very, very long white beard. You know what? Why? We were very good at our jobs. And now look at us. Where did it all go wrong? You don't remember.

It all happened on that one day, somewhere between the past and the future. Please, no! I'm too old for more flashbacks. Too late! It's happening! That was a weird flash forward. It was. Sorry about all the flashbacks. I never asked your name. My name? It's, um, Pizza Critic. And I do declare that this is the best pizza I ever... Is something wrong? There seems to be something in this bite of pizza. What is this? An incredibly long beard hair?

Bob, did you bring that beard hair back with you from the flash forward? Whoops. Sorry, my guy. This restaurant is shut down. No!

And now, Lee speaks with the author. Hi. Hi. Hi. Oh my gosh, this is the Lee Overtree. I'm like, oh my gosh. How are you guys doing? Good. Which one of you is Keon? Me. And I'm Haley. So you two wrote The Horrible Pizza. Yeah. Can you tell me how you came up with the idea for that? We went to New York and we had it the best.

We wondered how we got it. So we made this like funny version of the opposite. Wait, I have to ask, where was the place in New York that you got such good pizza? So it was like right when we got to New York, it was like... One o'clock in the morning, I was like so tired. So we had to get somewhere open and like no places were open except this place called Little Italy Pizza. So we decided to order from there.

Yeah, it was really close to our hotel, and actually, it was very good. And our mom said, oh, there's going to be way better pizza on this trip. Don't get so, like, onto it. But that was actually the best pizza of the trip. That's amazing. The best pizza you had in New York was at 1 a.m. from just like a random place. Yeah. The thing I just love about your story is that you have all of these different narrative devices. You have a flashback.

in the story, you have a montage in the story, and you even have a flash-forward in the story. Can you talk about why you included all of those techniques in your story? like, why we added that, like, maybe, like, there's more interesting parts at the end of that, like, flash forward or flash back, like, that the reader needs to know.

before like, oh, like, what's happening? What is happening right now? Like, how did this come to be? I think I know what you mean. Like, you need to learn more about what happened in the past in order to appreciate what's going on in the present. And at the same time, if you don't know how the story ends, maybe even hundreds of years from now, then it's not as meaningful either. Yeah. I have to ask, in your story, the...

pizza making montages to the tune of the wheels on the bus. Is that something when you were writing the story, did you sing that out loud to each other? Like, when we got back, I was like, oh, how can we send this in? And then I was like, oh. Oh, so he's singing like a, like a, oh, how about like the wheels on the bus song, but like a different way. And then he just started singing improv.

Could you sing some of it for me right now just so I can get a flavor for it? Okay. So, um, this is how you make it. It's delicious. Delicious. We're going to go on the pizza plate, pizza plate, pizza plate. We're going to go on the pizza plate to make it nice and right. Now put your toppings on your pizza. Pizza, pizza. Now put your toppings on the pizza. Only if your customer asks. Now put it on.

Then I'll put it in the oven to make it nice and right. That was incredible. Wow. That was amazing. And, you know, I'm sure the rest of your family really appreciates it when you sing that over and over and over and over. Oh, really? I wouldn't have guessed. All right. Thanks, Haley. Thanks, Keon. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye.

See, see, see, while we all agreed that the story was indeed great, story time is over. It's game time. To tell us about the first competition, here is Lee. Thank you, Smitty. Rachel and I have created a game called Kiefer Hold Up. The rules are simple. Pick up and hold as many bottles of Kiefer as you possibly can without dropping any while the other person tries to distract you.

And we're not allowed to smile because we know how you feel about funny business, Smitty. Very good. I see you each have a giant palette of Kifa bottles standing by. Yes, they each have 144 bottles on them. That's a gross of kefir. Gross. Of kefir, yes. All right, Lee, you're up first. Ready, set, lift! Hey, Lee. Nice try, Rachel, but there's nothing you can do to distract me. Kiefer's bad. What? And Lee has smashed every single one of his Kiefer bottles. My Kiefer!

My sweet keeper! Rachel, it's your turn. Let's do this. Ready, set, lift! Ha! Rachel, there's no way that... What? She just lifted the entire pallet over her head with one hand. Rachel wins. How? Oh, did I not mention that I competed for the U.S. Olympic weightlifting team in 2001? No. Weren't those Olympics in 2000? That was a major factor in why I didn't medal. Smitty, Peter, and I have agreed to do a game called Food Math.

Food math? Peter, you agree to a math competition against Nemini? I stopped listening after I heard the word food. What are we doing? Smitty will challenge us to a super complicated math problem based on all the food in the pantry. Whoever buzzes in the correct answer first wins. Ah, again, all I heard was food. Okay, I'll open the pantry here. Let me see. Got it. Here's the question.

We have 64 limes and 80 eggs. If you made as many 9-inch diameter key lime pies as possible, each with 5 eggs and 4 limes, what would the cumulative circumferences divided by the total diameter be? Oh, that's easy. First, I'll calculate the... Peter! Oh, he's eating all of the rindians. This isn't an eating competition. It's a math competition.

Peter, you buzzed in first. What is the answer? Pi. No, Peter, the question was... That is correct. What? Circumference divided by diameter does equal the number pi. I did. Oh, wow. Peter, how did you know that? I know everything about pie, Nimini. Everything. Sorry. Did the competition start? I don't know what's happening. Alright, next competition! That's halftime! But can't we just do one more before- That's two minutes for delay of game! Well, I can say I wasn't warned. How fun!

We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups. There are lots of people right now focusing on hitting their protein goals. Maybe they want to help build and maintain muscle or recover after a workout. At the same time, life can get pretty busy. That's why so many people are looking for easy protein-packed options. and this one actually delivers. Ratio protein yogurt has 25 grams of protein per cup, making Ratio the most protein per cup in the yogurt aisle.

That's more protein than four whole eggs plus zero added sugar. You get a complete protein with all nine essential amino acids, zero grams of added sugar, and real staying power. It's protein that can help your body build and repair tissues, making it an easy post-workout snack or just a midday keep going moment. Not only is it packed with protein, but ratio protein has a smooth and creamy texture, so there's no need to compromise great

taste when hitting protein goals. It's the kind of thing that slips right into a chaotic day. No cooking, no cleanup. Just open... Eat, and you're on your way to hitting your protein goals without having to worry about baking yet another chicken breast. Ratio does the math, so you don't have to. Head to RatioFood.com to find a retailer near you.

Here is the final competition of the day, Megan versus Eric. Megan? Thank you, Smithward. Again, that is not my name. Now that Eric and I are both out of that penalty box. Which was way too small, by the way, Smitty. Careful, Eric. I won't hesitate to send you right back. Fine. We are ready to compete. Our game is called Dramatic Reading. The rules are as follows. We will each provide the other with the text to perform. Whoever performs their text more dramatically.

wins. Eric, do you think you can be more dramatic than Megan? Oh, Rachel, I've explored depths far deeper than the ocean. Well, I just got chills. That's what Orson Welles said to me on the set of Touch of Evil when I accidentally locked us in his walk-in freezer. Enough of that. All right, present your texts. Here you are, Megan. Your text is Hamlet.

By William Shakespeare. You think performing one of the greatest dramatic works in history will be difficult for me, a classically trained actress? Only if you overact it. Overact? Who? Me? Megan, here is the script. I need it not, Smitty, for I hold the bard's every word right here in my heart. Okay, then. Ready, set, recite.

I'll tell you what I want. What I really, really want. So, tell me what you want. What you really, really want. I'll tell you what I want. What I really, really want. I wanna... I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna sick-a-sick. And scene. That was Hamlet? Act 3, scene 1. Okay, now it's Eric's turn. Here is your text, Eric. What is this? It's my personal to-do list. Good luck. All right. Eric, ready, set, recite.

Megan's Diary, November 20th, 2019. 2019? You know what? My mistake. I gave you the wrong page. I'm sorry, Megan, but the clock has already begun. Oh, boy. Day 1462 and still no progress on Project Get This Wig off my head that I accidentally glued on with an industrial strength adhesive. Oh, that's quite enough, I think. Megan, step back. I'm warning you.

She's infringing on my time. I'm taking care of it. Doesn't seem like you are. Are you telling me how to officiate this game? Maybe I am. Maybe you don't know what you're doing. That's it. Yeah. What kind of call was that? Get your head in the game, ref! Oh, now you're telling me what to do? You're out of here! I'm yelling at you too, Smitty. I'm yelling too. You're out of here. And you're out of here. And you, and you, and you. You're all out of here.

Fine, we're leaving. And we're outraged. You are harsh, Smitty, but doggone it if you ain't fair. We might not like it, but we respect it. We're all leaving now because you've ejected us and we follow the rules. So, goodbye, Smitty. And don't expect to see us for the rest of the day. And I'm leaving this colorful box right here. Go on, kid. I love you. I said you're outta here. Bunch of animals. Hey, you forgot your colorful box. It's... Hey, wait. A cake. And it says...

Happy referee day to Smitty. Enjoy your alone time cake. Winky face. Story pirates! I guess you do get me after all.

Mmm, pistachio. Only one thing left to do. Sit back, relax, and enjoy one more story from a kid. Here's the author to introduce it. Hi, my name's Ira. I'm eight years old and I live in Missouri. This is my story, Demons. Mom, where's my... suitcase. In the hall closet, Lilith. Mom, where's my tablet charger? In the den, BZ. Hon, have you seen my vacation chapstick? In the left pocket of your windbreaker in the hall closet. There it is. Amy.

You're the only one who hasn't asked me for anything yet. I don't know what I'm missing since I've never been on vacation before. That's not true. We went to the beach last year. I was at chemistry camp. And the mountains the year before that? I was sick, and I had to stay with Grandma. But surely you were with us on the river the year before that. Physics camp. But I think I have everything I need for our trip to the Grand Canyon. I checked off everything on the list Mom made.

But why do I need eight pairs of underwear if we're only going to be gone for three days? That's vacation math, honey. Just so you know, everyone in this family acts a little... different on vacation. What do you mean? Oh, you'll see. Lillis, stop. You're scaring your little sister. I'm not scared.

Okay, everybody, let's get to bed so we can wake up bright and early and hit the road for the Grand Canyon. Good night. Better get some rest while you can. Mom, how many pairs of socks do I need to bring for this three-day trip? 11. We've been in the car forever. I know I'm never this guy, but... Are we there yet? No. BZ, why don't you entertain yourself like your sisters are doing? My tablet battery died.

See if Lilith will share one of her headphones so you can sing along to insufferable emotional teen music with her. Blue Rabbit Lodge, I'm gonna leap for hours at the Hard Pass. Are we there yet? No! Why don't you do chemistry flashcards with Amy? I'm pulling elements at random and writing them down in my potion notebook so I can try them out in the lab back at school. Well, potion is kind of a joke. They're actually compounds. Not interested. Are we there yet? No!

We're not there yet, and you asking me that is not going to get us there any faster! Okay, fine, whatever. Lilith, what just happened to dad? He was driving and then all of a sudden he got really scary sounding and he got bigger and he grew fangs and flames shot out of his ears. Look at him. It's like he turned into a demon. That's what I was trying to tell you earlier. On vacation, everyone in the family kind of turns into a demon. What? Why?

I never really thought about it. Maybe because of the stress or something? Will it happen to me? I don't know. But if I can give you one piece of advice, it would be... Oh, horses! Look at the horses! Lilith, focus! Sorry. Seeing horses is like the... Best part of any road trip. Who knows why? Okay, my advice is just roll with it. It usually only lasts for a few days. Okay, wow. Now there's cows! Dad!

Dad! Oh, I wanted a picture of the cow! Stop distracting your father. Wait, is everything okay back there? Amy, you look like you've seen a ghost. Not a ghost. A demon. And I'm going to figure out how to fix it. With chemistry. Take one down, pass it around. 22 bottles of keeper on the wall. Curse you all in this irritating song. Adding an alkaline to the compound might have the intended effect. Here we are. The Grand Canyon. Ooh, I want to take a picture. Let's go.

All right, everyone, this needs to turn out well so I can use it for our holiday cards. Okay, everyone say cheese. Cheese. Okay, BZ, your eyes are closed. Let's take it again. Cheese! Ugh, that one was blurry. Let's do a silly one. Now! You don't do a silly one until you get the nice one. That's the rule! Everybody knows that! Mom's a demon now too? More like de-mom, am I right? Now everybody look like you love each other and say cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Got it.

Finally! I ask you all to do one nice thing for me and it's like pulling teeth! Stay here. Your mother and I are going to get the parking passes. I should've bought a hybrid. Uh, busy. Aren't family vacations supposed to be about fun and togetherness and making memories and... Sometimes turning into an evil tormentor because you're not sleeping in your own bed, you're walking like 10 miles a day, and hotels smell weird.

We got the parking passes. Let's go to the first overlook. BZ, did you go pie? I'm good, Mom. Are you sure? I'm not a... Toddler. I don't want to have to double back because you didn't go potty. You don't have to keep saying potty. I don't have to go potty, okay? Just leave me alone. Dad, is this only sunscreen you brought? Yeah, why? It's not reef safe. And I took a pledge in after school environmental club that I'd only use reef safe sunscreen.

BZ, Lilith, you both turned into demons? Happens every vacation. Just like I said it would. Sorry, Amy. Maybe we should have warned you. We didn't want to scare you before your first vacation. Why does this happen to our family? To be fair, it's not just our family. Look at those guys over there. No! I said no texting at the Grand Canyon! It happens to a lot of families on vacation. But you're looking and acting like horrible, scary demons. Don't you think you're being a tad bit dramatic?

Could you move? You're in the way of my live stream? I curse you! Maybe it's worse than we realized. I've been working on this potion in the car. And if my calculations are correct, it could turn you back into humans. Who wants to try it? I would love to be the one. You can't all take it. Why can't we all just each try a little? I mean, we're a family and vacation is about doing things together. Yeah. We believe in you and your potion, Amy.

Wow. I've never been more proud to be part of this family. Here goes nothing. How do you feel? Fine. I mean, I don't feel less like a demon. Dad, you shrink back to regular size. Mom's boils are gone, BZ's hooves are feet again, and Lila's hair is no longer flames. I think my potion worked. Yay! Sort of. What?

BZ, you still have a tail. Oh, snap, I do. We just need more potion, but I used all the compounds in my chemistry kit. Oh, no. It's a good thing I used Mom's vacation math and brought three more kits. Yay! I'll make some more. Okay, it's ready. Here you go. How do you feel? I'm sorry, Amy, but I don't think it's working. Wait! It's working! We're not demons anymore! Yay!

And just in time, we have to hurry if we're going to make that geological talk mom promised me she'd sign us up for. Oh, Amy. Yeah, about that. Nobody else was really into that idea. So we're going to go on a helicopter tour instead. No! No! You promised I could learn more about the intermittent sediments from the Grand Canyon Supergroups! Oh dear. I think we're gonna need more potion. The end.

And when we come back, it's time for Story Love, where Peter and I read even more stories written by kids. We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.

Welcome back to Story Love, where we read stories written by kids that are sent into the story pirates, and we talk about them, and we love them, and we're inspired by them, and we ask questions if we have any. And sometimes we segue into completely unrelated conversations. Lee, everything you just said is true. Okay, let's read our first story from Sophie, a 10-year-old in Massachusetts. Here is... I want to marry a dog. And there is a quick note before the story starts that says...

While I don't truly want to marry a dog, the poem is inspired by my deep affection for my dog, Jasmine, a 16-month-old Pomeranian who is nothing short of a cuddle. I'm going to marry a dog. I'm going to marry a dog. If she's pink or blue or yellow, I'm going to marry her. I'll fly her up to France and climb the Eiffel Tower

And eat a bunch of cheesecake. I'm going to marry a dog. But wait, there's a problem. But wait, there's a problem. But wait, there's a problem. Aliens are attacking the Earth. How will I marry a dog? I can shoot lasers at them, but the aliens have shields. What will I do? How will I marry a dog? I can ask them to stop. I can tell them to invade Mars instead. Bye-bye, humans. We are going to invade Mars, said the aliens. I'm going to marry a dog. The end. This is so good.

Lee, I love, in this story, it starts, clearly it's set up as an ode to a dog. Yes, yes. A love letter, roses are red, violets are blue. Yes. Which you don't expect. action to happen in a poem like that. Yeah, we always talk about in Story Pirates when we're helping kids with their creative writing, we talk about creating obstacles to your goal because you don't want...

to just be able to marry a dog right away, that makes the story less interesting. But if there is a huge obstacle in the way of you marrying the dog, then now we're talking to a story here. Yeah, this is a story. You know, it sort of tricks me. Like if you hear a Shakespearean sonnet, like Shakespeare will be like, let me compare you to a flower. And he's describing a feeling or a person or a thing. He's not telling a story.

So because this is in the form of one of those poems, suddenly aliens being there jars us and we go, wait, wait, this is happening now? Right. Well, I like it as a very high stakes problem because it's like, I want these simple things in my life that are going to bring me joy. And then the world might end. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So I'm going to commit to the thing that I feel passionately about. Right. It's like rain on your wedding day. It's like a spoon.

It's like a spoon. It's a lot like a spoon. Sophie, amazing. poem slash story. I hope one day we get to meet your Pomeranian. Peter, would you read us the next story? Yes, please. This story comes to us from a six-year-old from Minnesota named Cedar. Great name. This story is called...

The blinker butt horse. Once upon a time, there was a horse that had blinkers on its butt. Because he was the only horse around with blinkers on his butt, he felt a little sad because he was so different. Other horses and animals would ask him, why do you have blinkers on your butt? But he just didn't know, and he felt a little embarrassed. One day, he was galloping down the highway, and he noticed someone's car had broken down. He asked how he could help.

The person said, I don't know, can you fix my car? The horse did not know how to fix a car and sadly said, I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can help you. Just then, he had an idea. Oh, I cannot fix your car. but I can give you a ride. The person thought for a second, but wait, can you go on the road? The horse made a big grin and he said, check it out. I have blinkers on my butt.

They both started laughing. And the person hopped on. The horse, with the blinker butt, started galloping down the highway. And the man made it to work on time. From then on, the horse loved his left and his... Blinker butt. The end. The horse loved his left and his blinker butt. Maybe his left and right blinkers on his butt? Honestly, yeah, yeah. But I also love the left.

The blinker, but is this just going left and right? Or is it also brake lights? I was only thinking left and right. But yeah, I think it's got to be brake lights too. I mean, because sometimes you can have a blinker that... also does your brake light, right? No, because the brake lights are red, and blinkers have to be a different color. They're yellow. So they're on top of the brake light. Well, I guess we can just assume it's blinkers, though.

Yeah. I mean, maybe this horse should consider getting some brake lights. You know what I think this is? I think Cedar saw there are horses with blinker butts. Like the Amish or the Mennonites. That's right. If you want to take it on a larger road, you legally have to have certain things. Normally it's just that orange square. Right. But maybe... They usually have a carriage too, right?

Yes. Like the blinkers are going on the carriage, but it's horse powered. But maybe there's when you don't take the carriage and you're just taking the horse on the highway, you got to throw the blinkers on there. Yeah, or find a horse with a blinker butt. Yeah. Amazing.

It's an incredible concept. Cedar, we love it. Great work, my friend. All right, let's get on to our next story from a five-year-old in Texas named Marina. Here's Ice Cream Gas. Good morning, Lily. Good morning, Tom. It's time to drive our car to the famous show. I hope we'll be on time for it, and I hope that our car doesn't run out of gas. Here we go. Vroom! It didn't actually go. It ran out of gas again.

Oh, no. Mine is ran out of gas, too. I think we have an idea. Mine has enough gas to go to the gas station. Mine, too. Let's go. Vroom! We're here at the gas station. Let's fill up our car. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Our cars are full of gas. Let's get back in. Okay, we turned our car on and our car is ready to go. Wait, it didn't actually really go after we got a gas refill. Oh no, our cars are starting to freeze up. What's happening to our cars? Let's check the gas.

I guess this door didn't freeze. I know, because it's the hottest door in the car. Me too. This one is too. We got out of the car. Let's check our gas. Let's see. Oh, no. What happened to this gas? It has turned to ice cream. That's why our cars were frozen. Our cars were full of ice cream because the gas was ice cream. Nah. Oh, I noticed that the sign on all the gas stations said ice cream gas. No.

I guess we have to go to Southvania to get the gas refill. Okay, here we go. On an airplane. Let's go. Whoosh. We're here at Southvania. Oh no, look at this gas station sign. It says hot dog gas. No! I guess it's the end of the story. Okay, the end. So many great details in here. What is this world? What's happening in this world? I love that, you know, they're going to get gas. And it's, oh, no, it's ice cream gas. Well.

We need to go to the only other place we can think of that has gas, which is presumably a different country. Well, sure. You got to get on a plane. Sure. Can you travel with tubs of gasoline? I don't know, but it makes sense. Okay, can we talk about the one hot door? Again, I think probably the passenger side door just from body heat. Sure. Well, here's what I think is that my interpretation is if you're a kid and you're spending a lot of time in a car on road trips.

you know, grandma's house, your little sister's dance class, what have you. You're... leaning against like one door all the time. And in the summer, like the sun can make a door really hot. And so you might assume like, man, if the sun's on this side, I'm the one with the hot door. all the time, while over there they don't get the hot door because the sun's not...

I've been in cars where this is a fight about the air conditioning because someone's on the hot side and the other person's comfortable. You've got to go to Southvania and get new doors for your cars. Marina, incredible story. Thank you so, so much for sending it in. All right, that's it for Story Love. If you want to read these stories, just head to storypirates.com. And guess what? Grownups, you can find an even longer version of today's story love on YouTube.

And grownups, StoryLove isn't just the name of a segment on our show. It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program. So to find out more about StoryLove or our digital creative writing program, StoryQuest, or... our nonprofit Story Pirates changemakers. Just check out the show notes for links. That's it for today's episode.

Thank you so much to today's authors, Ira, Keon, and Haley. And a huge thanks to all of you for listening. And guess what? You can still send us your stories and we respond to every single one we receive. Grownups, your link to submit stories is in the show notes for today's episode. We'll be back next week with another brand new one. Until then, stay creative and stay kind. Bye!

The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios. Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka. This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Lee Overtree. Recording, sound design, and mixing by Sam Baer at The Relic Room in New York City. Additional production by Brett Toobin. Theme song by Bobby Lord. Musical scoring by Eric Herson and Jack Mitchell.

Our head writer is Peter McNerney. Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson. Contributing writers are Lee Overtree and Rachel Robertson. Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin. This episode features performances by Greg Barnett, Matt Cox, Christina Grospeach, Gabby Hornig, Rachel Jarofsky, Amar, Peter McNerney, Alexandra Nader, Joshua Nasser, Megan O'Neill, Leah Overtree,

Austin Sanders, Samantha Turret, Matt Zambrano, Rachel Winnitsky, and Nimini Ware. First you make the dough for the pizza. For the pizza. For the pizza. First you make the dough. For the pizza. Because that's like bread. The way you make dough is you put... different things in it. I'm pretty sure flour is one of the things. I don't know what else you would put in the dough. Butter maybe so.

Then you squish up the dough and you make it flat. You make it flat. You make it flat. Then you squish up the dough and you make it flat. You know what? I'm just going to the pizza shop.