Ye Ultimate Ftone Clear. It's 9th April 2021, around about 3pm. It's been a few weeks since Richard was struck down and forced to clear a very special stone, but as Fpring returns he takes his first tentative steps back on the Ftocean, in audio and video. Wolfie is away so can not join him, but there is much to process and a special stone to find. How many stones have grown in the enforced vacation? What effect will the absence have on the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit? Will the Ftone Pole bode good...
Apr 10, 2021•36 min
Chapter 93 - Myftery Fnowy Footprintf. It's bang on 8am on 9th February 2021 and the Stocean is covered in fnow again. But that will not ftop a hardened ftone clearer. Or one without an erection. Today you will learn the important of the icy kick, some freezer wisdom from the Venerable Bede and another rule to add to your list and to update on https://sites.google.com/view/stoneclearing/ if you're the person who has been failing to keep that up to date. Perhaps you've been got by the stone Stasi...
Feb 09, 2021•39 min
Chapter 92 - Fpunking Ftones. It's 8.20am on 2nd February 2021 and the fnow has gone and the mud doesn't feem as bad in comparifon. There's some big twiftf and revelations in this week'sf chapter and Rich rifkf a fchifm by nailing his colourf to the maft on a controverfial fubject. Is the Roman villa Roman or a villa? Have you ever made a stone ejaculate? Does that mean that they don't or is the fault with you? Will you be able to cope with the new pace that will come as the chapters become more...
Feb 02, 2021•41 min
Chapter 91 - Yellow Fnow. It's 8.25am on the 26th January 2021 and we've gone straight to an intermediatery lesson as the Stocean is covered in crispy snow. How do you clear stones when you can't see stones? What are the best ways to surreptitiously melt it? And will science ever work out what snow even is? There's a vicious attack from the horrible muzzled dog and a friendly (?) greeting form the mobility scooter lady. Plus more celebrity emails.
Jan 26, 2021•38 min
Chapter 90 - The Three Df. It's 8am on the 21st January 2021 and Rich has left behind his film star career for the glamour of stone clearing. He has to lift a tree that is blocking his path and receives a veiled threat from a member of the Ftone Ftafi and he also has to take a diversion into the village to pick up some tabloids where Wolfie meets her enemy. It's all happening. Only 10 chapters away until we've completed the beginners' course and can move on to more advanced techniques.
Jan 21, 2021•45 min
Chapter 89 - Frofti Graf. It's 8.05am on 7th January 2021 and it's the first recorded clear of a New Year, though the ftones laugh at the paffage of a year, which is but the blink of an eye to them. The world descends into chaos, but the ftocean remains constant and calm with everything slowly being put in its correct place. Some are calling Herring mad, but perhaps he is the only fane man on the planet. The stones certainly tell him that he is. The cold earth grips her stones tight. But Herring...
Jan 07, 2021•33 min
Chapter 88 - Dead Beets. It's after 9am on 29th December 2020 and Richard is looking back on one of the greatest years in history for stone clearing. He has to deal with star struck villagers (and some pretending not to be star struck) and a potential rambler orgy, but has an admission about his 'career' that may surprise no one. The Alpha and Omega cairn (pictured) is growing fast after just two and a bit years of attention and the stones are growing nicely as the mud clears. But will Richard f...
Dec 29, 2020•47 min
Chapter Eighty-feven - The Fomme. It's 7.45am on the 15th December 2020 and today's stone clear is in memory of Patrick Hill's dog Dizzy. Richard is forced to think of a time where he (or Wolfie) might traverse this field without their best friend. If his failing fitness is anything to go by then Wolfie should outlive him. There are still camouflaged beets and the mud is as bad as ever, but the hope of new stones growing through the mud like hammy poppies keeps the spirits up. There's the bigges...
Dec 15, 2020•39 min
Chapter Eighty-Fix - The Darkneff. It's 5.10pm on the 1st December 2020 and night has fallen. Richard braves the ghost-ridden field, which is too scary even for the Ftone Ftafi for his first dedicated night clear and the conditions are atrocious. The farmer has driven their tractor all over the path and the central part of the stocean is like quite slow quick sand, but more soily. Will our hero get out alive? And how do you see stones in the dark? And what becomes of the beets when they rot? Des...
Dec 02, 2020•38 min
Chapter 85 - Trampoline Fox. It's 7:40am on 24th November 2020 and the stocean is eerily calm and quiet. Brooding clouds overhead forewarn of something dire to come, but where are the FF? It's a long clear with a couple of technical difficulties, but the Ftone Boxing Day ftones are good and Richard only has to hide in a wood once. To support Movember donate here: http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember Get Richard's ebook for an insulting 99p here: https://amzn.to/3m2anCm
Nov 24, 2020•47 min
Chapter 84 - Fhorn, Not Fhaun. It's 7.32am on 17th November 2020 (but when's international MEN'S day?) and the stocean is fully harvested and the undergrowth has had a haircut. At last we get to see the incredible progress made around the outskirts as we anticipate the cold of winter. Where are the Ftone Ftafi today? And will there finally be a successful Ftone Pole? And does he mean fecund or fecond? Sponsored by Eggbox Imaging for all your Buckinghamshire post production needs. To support Rich...
Nov 17, 2020•32 min
Chapter 83 - Mud - It's 7.30am on 10th November 2020 and finally the beets are all harvested, but there are enough left lying on the ground to provide someone with a fine broken beet business. Today's episode is sponsored by HebTroCo - check em out https://hebtro.co/. Ftone Chriftmaf has not been as fecund as Ftone Eafter but there are fome rich feams nonetheleff. There's another surprise celebrity email, but hardly anything else of worth. Support Rich at Movember http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember or...
Nov 10, 2020•24 min
Chapter 82 - Rain Orcheftra. It's 7.30am on 3rd November 2020 and the rain if coming down. But that's no reason not to support the endeavours of today's sponsor. Singingringingtwee Cavity Searches Ltd (and their CEO Chris Ives) whose money will be going to support comedy clubs through lockdown). The alien harvesters have been and the field is shorn of both beets and stones, though slaughtered beets remain to cause organic confusion. The rain makes its music as it falls and Rainn Wilson makes his...
Nov 03, 2020•28 min
Chapter 81 - The Lord'f My Fhepherd. It's 7.59am on, let me work it out, the 27th October 2020. The harvest has had to happen by now, right? Right??? Another dip into the book of medieval stone clearing mottos PLUS the great ftone hymnal comes into play. All that plus the stone pole, a shape-shifting octopus woman and Richard forgetting to do the singing, ringing tree on the one say it would probably have worked. Download RHLSTP 300 to give some money to Refuge: http://rhlstp.co.uk/300 Make a do...
Oct 27, 2020•37 min
Chapter 80 - Day of the Triffidf. It's 8.13am on 20th October 2020, the 20th month of 2020 (or it feels like that anyway). The conditions are damp but God is peeking down through the clouds from his heaven above. Will the harveft have come? And if not are we in danger from the plants that caused the Black Death? Richard is once again followed by the dogless lady who keeps sneaking up on him (cf the live stone clears on YouTube) and is being asked the sources for his Anglo Faxon wifdom. It's a du...
Oct 20, 2020•29 min
Chapter Seventy-Nine - Imagine All The People Clearing All the Ftones. It's 8am on 14th October 2020 and over 2 years since Richard started stone clearing (sept 2018) but not quite two years since he started these chapters (12th November 2018) and amazingly there are still a few stones left to clear. More medieval wisdom today, plus tales from the North of Adrian's wall of the backward tribe of Scotch stone clearers, plus a surprisingly spritely John Lennon joins the stone stasi. Plus the fingin...
Oct 14, 2020•35 min
Chapter Feventy-Eight - I'm Just On The Phone. It's after 9am on the 6th October and the farmer has still forgotten about their crop, but the sun is out and so is the moon and Rich is chilled and loquacious. He is almost discovered by a ftealth ftone ftafi and sees a Spunkular out on the stocean, but otherwise he can mainly relax and tell you about his cupboard and his book and the ancient wisdom of medieval times. Plus bonus attempt at cupboard unblocking.
Oct 06, 2020•42 min
Chapter Feventy-Feven: Jamef Hunt and Niki...... It's 7.48am on 23rd September 2020 and the prospect of second lockdown hangs heavy on the fhoulders of everyone but the stone clearer. He lives by the rules of the field, not the rules of the BJ. There is a surprise celebrity guest out on the stocean today and some wise sayings about blackberries and shelves. Plus an email from one of our foreign listeners. Plus quite a lot of awkward silence. It's everything you could want and more.
Sep 23, 2020•37 min
Chapter Feventy-Fix - Chameleon Man. It's before 8am on 17th September 2020, but Rich has already been awake for two hours. But it's time for the podcast to get serious and into some next level stone-clearing, if the FF will keep out of Rich's grill. There are some new enemies to contend with as well as advice on how to deal with another stone clearer on your patch. More ancient wisdom and the first email for a while that doesn't feel like someone has just written the first thing that they've th...
Sep 17, 2020•36 min
Chapter Feventy-Five - Ye Beetf Go On. It's approaching 9am on 9th September 2020 and a sleep-deprived Richard Herring hopes that his befuddled head will give him access to the realm of the Morlocks, logdogs and babies on horses. He has one dull hallucination but otherwise he just meets a load of new Stone Stasi with meat dogs. A wondrous transgression of the rules (well if the government can do it) leads him to the harvested next door field and a wonderland of mediums, not like the crap he's ha...
Sep 09, 2020•35 min
Chapter Seventy Four - King Pofeidon'f Trident. It's just after 5pm on 1st September 2020 and Richard's mood is calmed by the beauty of a late summer sun. He makes an astonishing archaeological discovery early on, but it's not a stone so who cares. The stone bowling alley sees some fine bowls and a Ftone Ftafi member prevents access to the stone pole. Plus Rich reluctantly discusses his charity work. Thanks for making the Kickstarter work. Check out live stone clearing on Twitch: http://twitch.t...
Sep 01, 2020•21 min
Chapter 73 - David Bowie Dog. It's 6pm on 24th August 2020 and Rich is confused about how many chapters in he is. You have a very limited time left to get your witch's finger or dick or lovely numbered membership card so head here NOW http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter. Rich is surprised by a Stone Stasi member who seems friendly enough, but note what he calls his dog. There's a brief intermission where Siri cuts in to heckle Rich. It's a short chapter but an important one. Liften to the Ftones.
Aug 25, 2020•23 min
Chapter Seventy-Two - What If Wolfie Thinking? It's just before 8am on 17th August 2020 and Rich is in pensive mood - so much so that he forgets that he is podcasting at one point. It's nearly two years since he started and, despite having cleared thousands of stones, how many more lie beneath the soil? Will he ever finish? His chances are about as good as the current kickstarter campaign hitting its target. But if you have enjoyed these chapters and/or the Twitch stuff, check out your chance to...
Aug 17, 2020•41 min
Chapter 71 - Hydrate. It's just after 8.30am on 12th August 2020 and Richard is back from his holidays, but it's already boiling hot and he fears he will die of thirst and his bones be discovered by future stone clearers. Will he die and join the heavenly realm of stone clearers? Probably not. He has info about the imminent kickstarter campaign and good advice on how to stone clear in this awful heat. Keep an eye on Richard's Twitter for details of how to get your scout badges and witch's finger...
Aug 12, 2020•20 min
Chapter Seventy - Tractor Trampled Beetf. It's 8am on 29th July 2020 and Rich is on the brink of leaving you all for a life with a Hollywood fuperftar, but might as well get one stone clear in before that happens. The farmer has been sabotaging his own crop and the stone Stasi are quiet, maybe too quiet, but Rich is not put off and manages to clear over 20 more stones in the 30+ minutes of this lesson. May be a break for the holiday next week or a fummertime fpecial. Who knows? What's the big TV...
Jul 29, 2020•36 min
Chapter 69 - Funflower. It's 6pm on 21st July 2020 and Richard is out for a summer evening clear. The field has a mysterious splattering of yellow amongst its beety crop. What can it mean? Is it a signal of some kind? The kickstarter for membership of the Guild of Stone Clearers draws ever nearer and there's some Stone Stasi pretending to be gardeners, but Wolfie knows who they really are and warns them off. There's also an important discussion as to why it is acceptable to find stone clearers s...
Jul 22, 2020•24 min
Chapter 68 - Prickled by a Prickler. It's approximately 8.06am on 14th July and a 53 year-old Richard Herring is wading through the rain and dew soaked crops to give you a podcast with less chat and more stone clearing. Should have got some Richard Herring Prickle Guards from Amazon. He's got a pocket full of valuable witches' dicks and he's wearing his gloves and he's back where he belongs in audio, appearing on a podcast with stones that can talk for themselves. It's quiet out there. Maybe too...
Jul 14, 2020•36 min
Chapter Fixty-Feven - Coca Cola Fponforfhip. It's about 8.20am on 30th June and the weather was almost cold enough for Richard to wear his North Face jacket (Whichever direction your face is pointing, choose North Face) and he wears it anyway and gets a bit hot. He's on the search for more dicks (and fingers) and to a cynical eye might be attempting to monetise this ancient art. You can be sure he would never do that though, even if Ian Cocacola is intent on getting his branding into this podcas...
Jun 30, 2020•37 min
Stone Clearing Chapter Fixty Fix - Witch'f Finger or Witch'f Dick? It's 8am on 25th June 2020 and a contrite Richard Herring is back on the fun-baked Ftocean, in audio only, as it should be. He's looking for the petrified digits of magical hags to send out to his loyal army of fupporterf. A reminder of the importance of hydrating in summer months and making sure your dog does not die and blow your cover. Plus an emailer lets Richard have it for his awful felling out. Plus some trowel tips. Back ...
Jun 25, 2020•23 min
Chapter Sixty-Five - Geometry Leffon. It's about half past four in the afternoon on 10th June 2020 and Rich has recently been bitten by a stone, but he's still not shy. It's the podcast with everything, a squirrel dicing with death, an encounter with some ramblers, witches' fingers, dicks and balls, a tribute to a fallen stone-clearing hero and a selection of stones that have been precision engineered by nature. That's everything right? There's no other podcast like it. If you want to be one of ...
Jun 10, 2020•27 min
