Chapter Fixty-four - Love is like a Butterfly. It's been a while, but it's 29th May 2020 and about 5.15pm and Rich is out in the rich summer evening sun to clear stones. But it's so peaceful and one terrifying incident aside, we're free of the FF and he feels like he's eaten a whole bag of marijuanas. It's a backwards loop and there's now a Dominic Cummingf cairn, but apart from that it's business as usual. Except finally someone is flirting with Rich. Remember if you want to join the mainstream...
May 30, 2020•35 min
Chapter Sixty-Three - No Nudef Pleafe. It's 8.10am on 22nd April 2020 and Richard has been dragged away from his TV stardom on Twitch (http://twitch.tv/rkherring) by a technical glitch and has deigned to come back here to give you audiophiles a little bit of guidance. But you know he loves you most and hates all those fame hungry Twitchers who are bombarding him with nude selfies. He thanks the Stone Gods that none of you would ever do that. Probably some stuff about stones in here too. It's har...
Apr 22, 2020•22 min
Chapter 62 - Can You Stone Clear Without A Dog? It's Eafter Monday 13th (not 12th) April at about 8.45am and Rich is doing his first ever completely solo stone clear. Will it be the same without Wolfie (she's OK, just on a little holiday at the in-laws)? Has Rich's head been turned by the tens of people who have been tuning in to WATCH him ftone-clear? (THE BLAFPHEMY - check it out 8am most mornings at http://twitch.tv/rkherring) NO. He disdains those idiots and only likes the true flag hagf who...
Apr 13, 2020•20 min
Chapter Fixty One - Fell Out It's the evening of 23rd March in the first year of the plague and Richard seems to be distracted by the huge break out success of his twitch tv stream of live stone clearing http://twitch.tv/rkherring. Is he heading for a fall? Has he fold out? Join him at 8am every morning to find out and see what it looks like outside. And if you have an Amazon Prime account, get a twitch account, link the accounts (do this on a browser - just put Twitch into search on Amazon and ...
Mar 24, 2020•19 min
Chapter Fixty - Ricky's Villa? It's 5.45pm on 17th March in the year of the plague. The terrified inhabitants of Richard's village are cowering in their houses, terrified of an invisible virus (the fuperftitiouf fool), but nothing will stop the clearing of the stones. Richard ponders more on the volume of ancient brick in one portion of the field, but mainly seems trying to convince you to follow him on http://twitch.tv/rkherring for live stone clearing and more and to persuade you to give him y...
Mar 17, 2020•36 min
Chapter 59 - The Hangover. It's approaching 9am on 11th March 2020 and Spring has sprung, but Richard has been drinking and is not sure he can get round the field without being fick. But it's a podcast packed with incident, including the first significant human contact for a while and theories of the eugenics of the stones. If you don't enjoy this one then I am not sure that a man going round a field clearing stones is really for you.
Mar 11, 2020•47 min
Chapter 58 - Up Above Ye Ftreetf And Ye Houfef. It's a chapter of two parts as the stone gods curse the first recording and end it after 15 minutes (Richard did another half an hour which you could only have heard if you hid in a bush). But then we pick it up a day later. It's the 2nd and 3rd March 2020 and we have the stone clearer cure for the coronavirus, which was much better in the lost podcast. Plus forgiveness from the stone gods, a rude teenager and finally a chat about the road works wi...
Mar 03, 2020•37 min
Chapter Fifty-Feven - Hot and Cold Ftone Maffage. It's 8am on 25th February 2020 and this lesson is ostensibly about the best way to get stones to the edge during a cross field clear. But Richard reveals what might be the origin story of his fascination with ftones and how this whole thing might be an attempt to dredge up repressed memories of a man maybe using stones as an excuse to touch Richard's winkie. Maybe not though. He might just have dreamed it. But it does make sense of his obsession ...
Feb 25, 2020•27 min
Chapter Fifty-Fix - Ftorm Dennif - It's the evening of February 15th, Faint Fkeletor'f Day and the skull-faced hero has stirred up a hurricane. But the stone clearing must be done and Richard bravely risks his life to bring you this chapter of how to clear in adverse weather conditions, which also serves as his last will and testament. He is perhaps less brave at the end than the beginning, but tune in to find out if he survives and if he gains a new found respect for trees.
Feb 18, 2020•25 min
Chapter 55 - The Human Diamond. It's the eve of 12th February 2020 and Ftorm Ciara has left behind devastation and fallen trees, but all the ftones are fafe. The overcast sky leaves its mark on Richard's soul, but he will press onwards towards oblivion. Someone has been kicking stones back on to the field. An aggrieved and terrified villager or a sleep-walking Herring. No one can be sure. All we know is that stones will not be defeated by the imaginary force of wind.
Feb 13, 2020•28 min
Chapter 54: Jerufalem. It's 4th February 2020, not December or January as is claimed by the tired and confused host of the podcast, whose brain is weak but whose arms are strong. And it's the first difficult visit to the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit since Brexit. Plus the bowling technique, a new rule and some great Hasselhoffing to keep you going. And Rich discusses how TV fame will never make him forget his fans. No Hollywood superstars or rappers though. It's all downhill from here. Unless Willi...
Feb 04, 2020•28 min
Chapter 53: Unneeded Torch. There's an amazing surprise guest to get you in the mood for today's chapter of stone clearing, with some wise words and stone philosophy, but don't let that distract you from the lessons that are imparted in this very important chapter, mainly not to take your torch with you if there is still daylight. But Rich is forced off the field in an exciting game of cat and mouse with a possible ghost, but still managed to feed the Ditch that ftopped Brexit to definitely once...
Jan 27, 2020•30 min
Chapter 52 - Ice Clearing. The first frost of 2020 has turned the ground into a clench-jawed child and only loose milk teeth shall be cleared today. Some chat about why no stone clearer can have a partner of any kind and some stuff about not having sex with dogs, which I think we can all get on board with. Plus how did Hasselhoffing get its name? The answer might surprise you. Look at the progress on the main cairn. Pretty impressive huh? Off the ftocean we join Richard as he attempts the relati...
Jan 19, 2020•39 min
Chapter 51 - Beft Coat. It's 5pm on 13th January 2020 and it's time for a cold night time clear. Richard has seen the error of his ways and not allowed a sponsor for this week's podcast, because stone clearers clear for love not money. There is some important lessons in maths and whether clothes are good or bad and the worldwide brotherhood of stone clearers. Also why you shouldn't wear you best coat when stone clearing. The best thing you can say about this one is that is mercifully short.
Jan 13, 2020•23 min
Chapter 50 - Mile-ftone. It's the first stone clearing podcast of the new decade and the 50th chapter- though the ftones would laugh at you for thinking either of those things were remarkable. And we finally have a fponfor - Faynor Fales www.saynorsales.com But how will the ftones feel about Rich felling out and being fupported by a business that exploits ftones - will they send a sign with a magic radioactive stone that looks like a pound of flesh the discarding of which seemingly destroys the ...
Jan 09, 2020•33 min
Chapter 49 - Happy Anuary. It's just before midday on 31st December 2019, but your human anniversaries mean nothing to the ftones or their gods. Anus only looks forwards and so shall we. Some more stones get cleared and somehow the history of stone clearing gets more smeared with soil and Richard attempts to stop himself falling into the hot water of judging stones by their colours or women by their strangeness. Also transatlantic communication from a famous actress promises hope of a new love, ...
Dec 31, 2019•25 min
Chapter 48 - The Curfed Chapter. Boxing Day 2019 and it's around 12.30pm so only an idiot would call it morning. This was already the second attempt at a podcast today, but the first recorded from inside a pocket (and we've done that before) and this one mysteriously cut off halfway. I suspect the Catholic Church may have had some influence over this as both times I tried to explain the true hiftory of Jefuf. This was not as good as the first attempt and we have lost much, but then we also lost ...
Dec 26, 2019•19 min
Chapter 47: Burder. It's around 8.20am on 17th December 2019 and before he can get any stone clearing down Richard has to try and get the last bit of recycling into his bin whilst trying to prevent his dog running into traffic. After that it's business as usual as the world's slowest nervous breakdown unfolds before your ears. Some good clarification about whether you can poo on stones though and more fears that this podcast is now listened to only by perverts. A gruesome discovery of a exploded...
Dec 17, 2019•52 min
Chapter 46 - Urinary Onan. It's about 8.20am on 11th December 2019 and ye fun is just above horizon and there is froft on ye ground and Richard has some expert tips on the subterfuge required to be a stone clearer. Plus the cold has got to his bladder, but has he sunk so low as to wee on a podcast (TRIGGER WARNING - YES). Who is the real sick man? Who are the worst kind of hypocrites? Who is satirising who in this podcast and should you be more ashamed than Herring? Your hand gets a mention and ...
Dec 11, 2019•50 min
Chapter 45 - Afteroidf. It's just before 5pm on 2nd December and aside from crepuscular light in the distance and the smiling moon, all is dark. And it's time to ponder whether there is stone clearing on other planets and why stones brought organic life to our world. Plus nighttime transgressions and Edmondsing. It's the podcast with everything.
Dec 02, 2019•30 min
Chapter 44 - Am I Right, Ammonite? It's about 8.20am on the 26th November 2019 and Rich is going the long way round. With some hard earned wisdom about how weather works and some fine Hasselhoffing and a largely undisturbed run from dog walkers and log dogs, he gives us the chance to reconnect with the stones and the sound of boots squelching in mud as he destroys potential archaeology and casts aside the sea creatures of eons ago. Plus is there a wood clearer attempting to taunt him and who sha...
Nov 26, 2019•49 min
Chapter 43 - Ivory Towerf. It's 7.45am on 14th November 2019 (as it turns out one year and two days since the first chapter, but stone clearers like Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate birthdays) and the weather is overcast. Richard is out on the muddy field, clearing stones for real, not just reading about doing that in books like Bryan Bramble and the students at his University of Stone Clearing in Wellington. He has some harsh words for those who study rather than do and for anyone who colle...
Nov 14, 2019•25 min
Chapter 42 - Headphone Narnia: It's November 6th and nearly 5pm and Richard is heading out into the dark Hertfordshire night to try and clear as many ftones as he can whilst shrouded in the cloak of night. It's been a while since he's done a night clear and he has to remind himself of torch and dog poo holding etiquette, but his ungloved hands may be cold and dirty, but they are nimble. More mottos and rules to live your stone clearing life by and probably some other stuff too, I can't really re...
Nov 07, 2019•23 min
Chapter 41 - Father and Fon. It's about 9am on 30th October 2019 and no need to thank me but Brexit has been averted. Today's podcast in the autumn sunshine involves multiple dog walkers, the pride and fear involved in bringing your children Stone Clearing, how stones are more important than even your own offspring and how the Brexit Ditch will only accept humble offerings. Plus mystery whistling, Roman villas and tantalising info on the Stone People. Plus are women allowed to clear stones. This...
Oct 30, 2019•43 min
Chapter 40 - Lady in Red. It's 8.39am on 18th October and Rich has a lot of work to do, but instead he's doing this. It's a full podcast which ticks all your boxes and, fingers crossed, has done enough to thwart Brexit. Remember to donate to the ditch when it succeeds. Along the way there are rules, madrigals, out of breathness, speculation about impregnated boots and government attempts to thwart the project. Plus the welcome return of the log dog. And some mud.
Oct 18, 2019•46 min
Chapter 39: The War Betwixt Ftone and Flesh. It's just after 8am on 9th October 2019 and the weather is overcast and the ground so soft that any stone can be pulled out. There's some expert Hasselhoffing on display as Richard enjoys the Ftone harveft and some of the medieval times' less impressive motivational rhymes. And for the first time in a while he's going the long way round and regaling us with legends of where the stones came from and how he plans to live forever himself. Kindly he cater...
Oct 09, 2019•41 min
Chapter 38 - STP. It's the evening of the last day of September 2019 and the conditions are damp. Richard and Wolfie go out to see if the Brexit ditch can have as much effect on world events as it clearly did last week and whether Boris Johnson has found the way to dampen its magic. There are more medieval aphorisms to help you with your stone clearing and some amazing discoveries including a very big stone, a stone that seems to have writing on it (a warning from the stone?) and a heart-shaped ...
Oct 01, 2019•27 min
Chapter Thirty Feven - Ftone Fanta. It's 5.30pm on 23rd September 2019 and a tired and emotional and seemingly quite unfit Richard Herring has woken up to find the Ftone Fanta has been and the field that has been hit by every element possible in the last month has now been ploughed and there are boulders everywhere. Hear him struggle to lift the biggest stone ever off the field (pictured), hear him struggle to breath as he carries other stones across the field. Is that heavy breathing what it so...
Sep 23, 2019•27 min
Chapter Thirty-Fix - Morning Again! It's 8.30am on 17th September and Richard Herring is on the way out to see how the village will react to the triumphant comedy gig he has just done in the village hall. Whilst some stones are cleared there's a lot to delight canine coprophiles in this chapter, as Richard diligently cleans up dog poo at his own personal expense, whilst many less scrupulous dog walkers fail to bag the poop. There's a moment of extreme levity to take us out of the otherwise serio...
Sep 17, 2019•36 min
Chapter 35: Ashes to Ashes. It's about 5.30pm on 10th September 2019 and the village is still buzzing with talk of the fire. And whilst people count the financial cost of the damage, Richard is fairly jigging round the field as he finds stone after stone, each huger and more stony that the last. The plough has not made its official visit to the field yet, but what a harvest there is to come if this is anything to go by. The Brexit Ditch has its work cut out for it today, plus more emails from yo...
Sep 11, 2019•33 min
