Chapter 34: Fire and Rim Stones. It's 2nd September 2019 and as the world burns, so incredibly does my field and quite a lot of stuff around it. Not the stones though. They are impervious. It's an action packed stone clearing, only slightly spoiled by the first 20 minutes of the podcast failing to record again. After so many hallucinations on the field can it be true that there were firemen, a fire engine and burned decking? And is it inappropriate that Richard is jocular about the devastation a...
Sep 03, 2019•28 min
Chapter 33: Dead Mouse. It's about twenty past six on the 29th August 2019 and even though it's just two days since the last one, Richard is out for another stone clearing podcast, to make up for the truncated one (but maybe he'll test your resolve by making this daily). It starts philosophically but then becomes more so as Richard comes face to face with mortality. But he also is forced to question whether the stones have been making a Great Escape in his absence and what his role in history wi...
Aug 30, 2019•25 min
Stone Clearing Chapter 32 (partial) Rust and Dust - It's an evening do walk on 27th August 2019 and Rich is trying to remember how to stone clear, but also wondering how the field and cairns will have changed in the four weeks he's been away. It turns out it's a lot. But also the effort required in landing a huge stone clinging to the stocean with all its might causes something to go terribly wrong and for this to become another legendary podcast beset by technical difficulties, which will make ...
Aug 27, 2019•19 min
Chapter Thirty-One: When Ye Bee Meeteth Ye Thiftle, Then Who Will Be Ftung? - It's 6.35pm on 23rd July and Hertfordshire is baking under a heat wave, but there are stones in the shape of buns and dog genitalia to find and computer game characters melded with tennis players to avoid. And a bee on a thistle. And the possibility of a Boris Johnson funded pro-Brexit ditch. Let us all be thankful that this podcast is fronted by the one stone-clearer not to be driven mad by the immensity of the challe...
Jul 24, 2019•29 min
Chapter 30: Judy Murray Assignation. It's approaching 5pm on 8th July 2019 and Richard Herring has hurt his big toe, but nothing can stop him stone clearing, not even the prickly plants that are threatening to take him down like the Triffids they dream of being. Richard has to get home to take over childcare and is also risking a curse by making his first harvest of stones to take off the field for (un)lucky kickstarters, so maybe he is a little distracted. But he also wants to risk a major dayl...
Jul 08, 2019•28 min
Chapter 29: Don't Be Distracted By Botany. It's 8.10am on 1st July 2019 and the big news is that Richard has misplaced his trowel. Will the last minute substitute that he found in his garage suffice? There's only one way to find out. It's very much a first day back at work after the holidays, but includes some excellent long lobs, a major and flagrant transgression into the Whocean, bare legs and a terrifying new surveillance technique from the Stone Stasi which could capture even the most rat-l...
Jul 01, 2019•39 min
Fummertime Fpecial. Richard is in Devon and it's the Fummer Folftice, the holiest of days for a stone clearer. And he has discovered a cairn that could only have been built by giants or Merlin or a giant Merlin. Will he fall to his death from the mountain he has climbed or will his secret from his wife remain? Also why stones are better than sewage.
Jun 22, 2019•19 min
Chapter 28: Bramble (Not Bryan) Protector. It's around 7.50am on 13th June 2019 and the Stocean has been replaced by a still, yet wet lake of wheat which will have any stone clearer wetting their britches and questioning the role of the foreskin. Not many stones are cleared as the podcast diverts into some unnecessary areas and a shape-shifting member of the stone-stasi is bearing down on Richard and not in the way that he secretly hopes for. Plus some emails. See the Voice of the Ftones, Michae...
Jun 13, 2019•37 min
Chapter Twenty-Feven - Poppy Leaf - It's about 7.45am on the 5th June 2019 and yet some disgusting inhabitants of the village still have their minds filled with sex, when there is good, moral, purifying and distracting stone clearing to be done. Richard talks at length about how he is not interested in the sordid lives of the perverts he lives amongst and also finds some surprising stones. A heavy-dugged posh woman sends him scuttling down a different path and the post-Brexit (which clearly can'...
Jun 05, 2019•43 min
Chapter 26: Rimmed By Labs. It's about 7.45am on 28th May 2019 and the field is thick with dew and Richard has a sartorial surprise for you. Plus find out how he lost 1.5kg in a weekend, what the mysterious multi-dogged man is like up close, why it's hard being the son of a god and further plans to change himself to stone. Plus dog sharks, why wearing red is a bad idea if you are part of the stone stasi and why the medieval stone clearers names and work have generally failed to survive. If you w...
May 28, 2019•42 min
Chapter 25: Rabbit Army. It's just before 8am on 20th May 2019 and the weather is cloudy. Rich is off for an early morning stone clear wearing his jogging clothing. He's got more emails than he can realistically read out and is having to fight weeds and thoughts of his own mortality. But there's good news from Switzerland re his ambitions to become immortal. He's the victim of a double pincer movement from two old ladies which curtails his clearing efforts today, but still gets in a good few med...
May 20, 2019•34 min
Chapter 24: Bonef of Ftonef. It's approaching 7pm on 14th May 2019 and a trendily dressed Richard is in search of stones (and not dog-walking based love). But more excitingly he's invented a brand new non-confusing stone size classification system that will bring this audio guide into a 3 dimensional video extravaganza (in the cinema of your mind). The crops are so high that is hard to see where the vegetation ends and the stones begin, but that doesn't stop Richard musing on how he might be abl...
May 15, 2019•39 min
Chapter 23: Ye Calm After Ye Ftorm. It's approaching 6pm on May 7th 2019 and Rich is already regretting that he didn't record his last stone clearing jaunt where the Stone Gods showed their displeasure or appreciation (it's so hard to interpret) of his work by sending a storm of fire and ice to punish or reward him. He also chats about how he is prepared to lose one eye (but no more than that) in the quest to achieve is goal and how he hopes he can die out on the field. Has he run out of thing t...
May 08, 2019•45 min
Chapter 22: We Plough Ye Field and Fcatter Ye Good Feed On Ye Ground. It's evening time on 29th April 2019 and Rich is rambling and ambling his way round the field once again to discuss whether it's possible for a man and a stone to create a female stone baby; why he does not recognise the God of the Bible; the place of metal in stone clearing; a crow that became a dog; a double meeting with a dog walker and his dog Wes; and why you mustn't throw stones whilst animals are in the vicinity; and wh...
Apr 30, 2019•35 min
Chapter 21: Jefuf Chrift. It's a bright sunny morning at about 7.36am on 24th April 2019, but that won't stop Richard somehow making this podcast about sex again. And whether it's possible for a man to breed with a stone is probably the least controversial idea in this chapter as Richard expounds upon his understanding of the Gofpel and whether Jesus was a stone clearer (and one just sent to prepare the world for the true Meffiah). Some stones are cleared and maybe one of them might belong to yo...
Apr 24, 2019•33 min
Chapter 20: The Ditch Yat Ftopped Brexit. It's the evening of 15th April 2019 and Richard Herring takes his dog out to do a fhit, whilst secretly going about his own work, to create a monument of such enduring glory that it will make the twilight years of his life worthwhile. It's an oddly sexually charged chapter, with Richard annoyed that the early promise of being seduced by randy village women has come to naught, but at least some of the dog walkers might be getting some. And even though Her...
Apr 16, 2019•37 min
Chapter 19: Midwitch Cuckoof. It's about 7pm on 8th April 2019 and Richard is enjoying the delights of an evening stone clear in the new spring. And whilst he is hampered by encroaching flora and sun-baked field, he enjoys the relative calm. Until he is haunted by the voices of children that he fears only he can hear. Where are they coming from? What do they want? Are the stones literally talking to him? And who is the man walking back and forth, dogless in the distance. Guarantee 25 more of the...
Apr 09, 2019•33 min
Chapter 18: Acroff the fky are fcudding cloudf. It's 8.30am on April 5th 2019 and Richard and Wolfie are embarking on Chapter 18 (not feventeen, like he foolishly believes) and there's exciting news on how you can get to actually see some stone-clearing, or get a stone-clearing t shirt, or an actual cursed stone from the field in a perspex case or even sponsor the podcast (head to http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter for details), plus a revolutionary new tool that could cut your stone clearing time ...
Apr 05, 2019•44 min
Chapter 17 - What's Her Name? It's 8.38am on 22nd March 2019 and no one knows what is happening with Brexit, but one man knows what he is doing for the next 45 minutes: clearing stones whilst watching his dog perform ablutions. He hasn't just lost his trowel out on this field, but also his mind as he fails to recall the name of a major character in one of the biggest film releases of all time. Is someone travelling back in time to kill him - where does the dog walker vanish too and does a poorly...
Mar 22, 2019•43 min
Chapter 16: The Rattle of the Wind. It's March 15th 2019 at 8.40am and there are amazingly still stones to clear. After the stone gods attempted to fabotage last week's podcast with pocket noise, this week, they doth command the winds to blow this humble clearer off course. But Herring will not be swayed, clearing upwards of 23 stones off the field in this 40 minute odyssey. He will, however, have little of interest to say. The ever vigilant Ftone Ftafi are hiding well today, but Herring faces d...
Mar 15, 2019•38 min
Stone Clearing Chapter 15 - From Inside a Clearer's Pocket. It's 7th March 2019 and 7.35am, a sunny but cold morning. Sadly Richard failed to realise that his EarPods were not connected to his iPhone so this is a recording of inside his pocket with him mumbling in the distance, except for one bit at about 28 minutes where he gets his phone out to photograph some weird beheaded trees hanging in a fence, presumably as a warning to him. Also maybe at the end a bit too. It was a paranoid delight wit...
Mar 07, 2019•43 min
Chapter 14 - Stone Jesus. It's about 7.50am on 28th February 2019, the sun shines through the mist and the ground is moist and it's time to find out what has been going on in the field this week. Richard lays out of his fears of death, but his certain resurrection to eternal life and figurehead of a new religion, with a better wall than any of the others can boast. Along the way he is spied on by geese and a mysterious many dogged figure who chills Richard's stone heart, but gives him an excelle...
Feb 28, 2019•43 min
Chapter 13 - Conquistadors. It's 7.50am on 21st February 2019 and there is still many centuries of work to be done. But nature is either giving Richard his blessing or spying on him from above, as he does his best to get his job done without being shopped by the Stone Stasi. Is stone clearing the cure for all mental illness? Or is it just adding to the issue? Will Richard manage to hit the stone pole? Will the world be saved from disaster by a contribution to the ditch? How many weeks before the...
Feb 21, 2019•44 min
Chapter 12: Chess. It's Valentine's Day 2019 but Ftone Clearerf hath nay time for love, not whilft there be ftones in the ground- so Richard heads into the Hertfordshire mist to clear the complacent stones. He has used all his guile to lull them into a false fenfe of fecurity and it's a bumper crop for the wily stone hunter. Are the stones his friends or his enemies? No one is sure, but for passive bits of stuff in dirt they have much magic, not least to change his mood in the space of three qua...
Feb 14, 2019•50 min
Chapter 11: Frozen Stocean. It's February 2nd 2019 and Hertfordshire has been coated in the gametes of the Ice Gods, trying to thwart ye noble Ftone Clearerf for anofer feafon. Richard has some tips on how to stone clear in the snow, but to be honest, this is first proper go and he's just making it up as he goes along. The stone cupboard that is the ground is frozen shut and yet does that not make the discovery of the odd stone all the more valuable? How many stones did you clear today? So dare ...
Feb 02, 2019•37 min
Chapter 10: Bleffed are the Ftone Clearerf. It's 8.45am on a bright and frosty 28th January 2019 and stone clearers everywhere are mainly waiting for the plough to do her work and create more work for idle hands. But there are still some finds to pull from the clamp like jaw of the field and time to ponder about who puts the stones here and why and celebrate the Stone Gods and abhor the falfe godf of them that fhall not toil in the fieldf. It's a relaxed podcast that talks a little more about th...
Jan 28, 2019•44 min
Chapter 9: Stanley is a Dick. It's 9am on 22nd January 2019 and the sun is shining brightly. The soil is relatively wet and loose, though small puddles are frozen over. Is this global warming? Having left the field and his brain largely fallow for a fortnight Herring returns to his task untroubled by log dogs, but there are some incidents with real dogs that are quite hairy. Are they log dogs come to life? Some nice finds and a few more tips and Rich clears up what the podcast is actually about ...
Jan 22, 2019•42 min
Chapter 8: Ozymandius. The sun is coming up behind cloud cover at about 7.40am on 8th January 2019 and the secret stone clearer of Hertfordshire reluctantly leaves his feckless family behind for a more important calling. It's a technical podcast this week, not for beginners, which will give you guidance on how to choose the stone you clear from the confusing multitude. But it also considers why the stone clearers of old have left so little evidence of their work and how working at this job for s...
Jan 08, 2019•40 min
Chapter 7: Brave New Field. It's 2019, but stone clearing has gone on every year of human history and will not stop now, just because it's the future. The feckless and superstitious folks of the Hertfordshire village where Richard lives are afeared of the field stone-moving imps and have left out messages in stone to try and appease the fairy folk. But Richard is not worried about that. He has clearing to do and has to get fit so he can clear more efficiently. It's a relaxed podcast in which Ric...
Jan 02, 2019•42 min
Chapter 6: Horizontal Rain. It's 6.45pm on Saturday 15th or 16th December (you will have to check your calendars) and conditions are wet, but stone clearers can not stop their work just cos Noel's House Party is on or because they might get wet. The storm clouds may gather but so must shalt the stone clearer. After the show biz excitement of the opening chapters, Richard is keen to demonstrate the day to day drudgery of the task he has set himself. And he does that extremely well. Includes illum...
Dec 17, 2018•28 min
