Podcast, The Final Frontier. These are the conversations of the friendship Matt Myra and Andrew Secunda. Their continuing mission. To seek out old adventures. with contrived civilizations. To boldly watch episodes that one of them has watched before. Alright, Andy Secunda. Welcome to your podcast. It's mine. Star Trek The Next Conversation. I'm Matt Myra. And I'm Andrew Secunda. Guys, we have had quite a week. So much has happened in the world of Star Trek.
Has it? Some leaked footage, some leaked stills of the Klingons in the new series. Oh, do they look different? They look weird. Oh. I just saw that on the internet. Have they evolved? That wouldn't make sense because it's supposed to take five years. Before Kirk. Oh, cool.
I knew that, but I didn't know that they would. Yeah, that makes sense. As a matter of fact, do they look more human? No, they look less human. Back in the original series, because they hadn't worked it out yet. These are leaked, so I don't know if they're real or not. Uh-huh. But I got a feeling they're kind of real. So anyway, that's the leaked photo claiming to be the Klingons. And we won't know until...
Until we know. But Andy, if you'd like to take a look. I think I'm going to. No, it's right here. Just take a look. All right. Just slide on over. Sorry, guys. This is a new story on Nerdist.com. To his con. Right? It looks like they're fucking crazy exoskeleton armor. What the F? Right? Those aren't... Those aren't supposed to be Klingons? I mean, come on.
That makes no sense whatsoever. It doesn't make a ton of sense. They look like humanoid Ridley Scott's aliens. They look like definitely Geiger. They look like Geiger drawings. Yeah, they look like Geiger drawings. So that's interesting. That's the news this week in Trek.
That's what I'm calling. I got to say, when I watched the trailer for Discovery, I did get kind of pumped. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Listen, I'm looking forward to it. I hope they don't fuck it up. If they fuck it up, then whatever. That's on them. Well, that's true. They made it. You've got to hold somebody accountable. Probably the makers of the thing are the ones to point the finger at. Good to know. Okay. So...
Yeah. What are we doing now? Here's what I would like to start with. At the top, we start with what, Andy? I would like to start with this because I have something. I feel like I need. The ever-evolving. Star Trek The Next Conversation. 100%. Really, before you say this, I just want everyone to know what you hear every week.
In the fact that we're changing and we're adjusting to what the audience wants. What you hear is the audio realization of my friend Andy's neuroses. Continue. What would you like to do now? I feel like I'm bearing a... large. A large shouldering of the lack of organization on this podcast. And I feel like today Matt did show up and I went, I'm sorry, I'm still not done. He had to wait patiently while I finished making notes. It worked because I set up the equipment.
It was fine. But he refuted that he had come over to my house and done the same thing a few weeks earlier. I don't remember it, but then when he said it, I was like, well, maybe that happened. All right. Well, anyway, we're here. But also it's like we're equally messed up individuals. It's different because like I at least have a knowledge of these episodes and I've seen them and rarely, you know, there was one.
Was it last week or the week before? It was last week with the lizards and the wolves that I had no recollection of ever seeing in my life. It's... Anyway. It's... I mean, this kind of bridges me. I need to have a talk with you. About what? At the beginning of this podcast. I think it's... This is seven? I don't know.
Let me look. This is episode seven. We're seven episodes in to the first season. Yes. Technically, yes. You weren't dishonest when we started to discuss this podcast. You said to me... It's going to be a slog. I mean, you were straightforward. It's bad. The first season is not great. I don't care. I'm a completist. Let's do this. I like to watch the evolution of a series.
I feel like there is, and I was actually listening to our last podcast, and I don't know if it was in what letters or you said it or whatever. Certainly, there's been an increasing rise of people mentioning, don't worry, Andy. It gets better. By the middle of season three. And that is new information to me. I take umbrage with that. I think there is some excellent season two episodes.
uh next week the battle uh is coming up for you in season one it's one of my favorite season one episodes the battle okay um because i gotta say if we're looking we're looking down the barrel i know like okay end of season one all right Every show starting struggles through the first season. They've got to get their footing. The problem is there's so much. So, for instance, here's what I'll say right now. The battle is coming up next. Okay. I like that episode.
hide and q is coming up i really like that episode okay The big goodbye is a fun... You know how I feel about Q, but... I know exactly how you feel about Q. All right. And I think that this will just reinforce your existing feelings. Is he just sort of standing going, this is what's happening in the plot dum-dums. That's a little less of that. It's more... We'll see.
all right the big goodbye is coming up which is a heavy it's a holodeck heavy episode uh in a good way or in the weird grid in a way of like tron welcome to fucking star trek okay good uh data lore is coming up this is where we learn about data's brother yeah i always love evil versions of anything uh arsenal of freedom is okay uh skin of evil awful
Conspiracy. I love conspiracy. That's the 25th episode of the season. Conspiracy gives a big thumbs up for me. These are all coming up in the first season. Yeah. All right. And the neutral zone, which is decent. Okay. But you've got some fucking slogs ahead of you. You know, like Haven.
Honestly, a big goodbye I might put in there. 11001001. Not a great episode. So, you know, just so you know. We forgot to name this episode. We just have the... code that goes out the printer's fucked up it's just printing binary i'll leave it um so yes that is that the there is a lot of garbage coming but there's some episodes that i find to be not horrible
So you got a little bit coming up. All right. Continue. Okay. You're talking about a lot of hours of watching television, though. So I will say my brain is starting to split in two. So I hope you're correct. We're a work day into the season one. hours in. I don't cap watching television that way. Although I did watch the first season of 24 in a 24 hour span. Did you say that? That's amazing. That may have led to the divorce.
I mean, it's all, you know, it's a complex patchwork. There are a lot of different things. You know, halfway through, it was snowing. We were in New York. And she said, we're not really. doing this and i said yes yes we are how far in had she asked you if you were really doing it in fairness that was probably more like seven hours than 12 hours but um yeah
It didn't. She was not happy by the end of it. And honestly, looking back on it, I've got to agree with her. Well, we can't all be winners. That's certainly true. Now, can I take a pause? Please. You might need to cut this out. You have to pee? What do you do? I feel like I'm...
Just because I did have a lot of echoing. You feel like you're echoing? And I'm trying to eat it, but I don't feel like... Why don't you slip here? Slip over there, okay. And then we'll see. Andy's going to walk over to a different area of his kitchen.
Now, I don't know if you know this, but Andy's a very rich television producer, so obviously his kitchen is just cavernous. I walk in and this guy's got pita bread on the floor. I know there's people out there starving. Andy throws pita bread on his floor. It slipped out when I bought a Mediterranean dish. And then I figured, eh.
I might get to that later. And he did not. How do you feel about that? Does that sound less echoey to you? I feel like it's still maybe a little... I just don't want... Because I was listening to myself and thinking like, oh, this has got to be driving people crazy. Maybe you're projecting... Maybe you're...
doing a little bit of a of a improv on stage andy voice and you should just be talking oh it is projecting too much is that a problem it can be you'll hit the like if i was doing what you're doing this is what i would sound like Huh. Whereas I'm talking. So should I get quieter and then you'll boost my sound a little bit? Yeah, we'll just talk. I can boost you as we're going. Okay. This is so interesting to no one.
Well, I assume you'll have to cut it out. How's that? Better, right? It seems a little better. Yeah, I agree. Just get real close. Just get close and talk. Okay. Do you want to make a note or do you want to? To do what? They're all going to hear this. They fucking love BTS moments. I'm so sorry. I don't agree. We have a little bit of a distinction in how we see entertainment. Well, you know, they always say by the time you get to your eighth podcast, you're a little...
You're a little... Stale? Very. Very stale. We only have hundreds of hours left. So... Andy, now that we've addressed your echo and your desire for this show to get better at some point. Yes. Let's talk about how you feel about emails we might have received this week. Well, I got some news for you, Matthew. I love news. Captain, we are being hailed. I love it. So here, let's open up the mailbag in the future, which doesn't exist because it's all digital. Okay.
And here's the first. Oops. Did I put it in the wrong one? Here it is. Okay. So some comments on Lonely Among Us. By the end of Lonely Among Us, this comes from Josh Green. Picard has been turned into energy via the transporter and is then brought back with an old pattern in the computer. This is something I think we discussed and I was completely confused by. Correct.
Troy says this Picard pattern was formed before he got out there, and Picard himself has no memories of anything after being reformed. It seems like the original Picard is dead as a pattern of energy in the cloud. And there is now a copy captaining the ship, and nobody cares as long as a replacement is there. But the transporter thing is debatable. Well, that's how transporters work. Like, they kill you.
You die every time you get in a transport. It just destroys you and recreates you. There's no essence. It's a copy of a copy. And that's why McCoy hates it. It's like the Prestige. Oh, no. Whose phone is that? Is your phone in airplane mode? Probably. It probably is. Probably not. Oh, you know what? None of them are. All right. Crisis averted, everybody. So that's what a transporter does. That's what a transporter does. It recreates your pattern.
It beams you. It's a copy of a copy. It's not even a copy of a copy of a copy. It's not like it degenerates. It's not like by the 9,000 times you beam. It's a 100% copy of you, but you die. Uh-huh. So. What that person said is accurate. But your argument is that's what always happens. Yeah. Whereas my problem remains that if he... If he has no...
He would still have, for how that worked, he would have the memory he had to the point he stepped into the transporter beam. Or he was pulled out into space. Right. Yeah. Anyway. Okay, here's another one. Guys, the murder and potential ingestion of one ambassador by another would create an interstellar incident that would probably have cost someone on the Enterprise their job. Right? And it would have been probably Chief O'Brien.
Why Chief O'Brien? Because he's the one who's chasing him around. Oh, he was just in charge of that. He's like, sirs, go back to your quarters. Remember? Well, there's got to be a whole fleet of, a whole bunch of security people. Wouldn't Yar have been taking the hit on that? Well, she was busy. She walks in at the end and is just like, I got something to say. I also like that Picard doesn't react to that and just wanders back to his quarters. Is this something to do with Sherlock Holmes?
shows up at Parliament and just shrugs his shoulders. Exactly what we were saying. Not any idea what's going on. Or should we assume that he was eventually briefed after he took his captain's nap? Better idea. The murder happens at the beginning of the episode and the card and crew...
have to unravel the inevitable diplomatic shit circus that would ensue. I think that's a really good take. It's another good episode. Here's a question for Matt. I don't recall Parliament mentioned it any other time. They usually mention the Federation. Or Starfleet Command? Yes. Parliament, just the embassy department of the Federation? As far as I could tell from this episode, Parliament was a planet that happened to be named Parliament.
That's what I gathered. Right. And so they thought, hey, why don't we just... Let's set this up. They've already called themselves Parliament. You know, it's like Kittimer, you know, and they had the Kittimer Accords back in Star Trek VI, The Undiscovered Country.
They just became the Kittimer Accords because they happen on Kittimer, a planet called Kittimer. That seems silly. Thanks for the entertainment. It reignited my love for the show, and I've really been enjoying re-watching along with the podcast. That was from Jillian. Thank you, Jillian.
Here's from Derek Hawkins. I do end up yelling at my radio while listening because Matt is making mistakes. In The Lonely Among Us, he said that it was the 23rd century. It's 24th. I did. It's 2300 something. Yeah, so 24th century. You're 100% right. right sir i did note that and uh and i and i doubted myself oh don't doubt yourself with with something you can understand not as a fan is how time works so if i misspeak
and say that it's the 23rd one. It's actually the 24th century. By all means, go for it. Although I will agree that that way of referring to the centuries has always been annoying. Yes. And the Enterprise-D has three shuttle bays. Not four. I just thought it was B. entertaining to listen to.
To a fellow nerd. Wait, it is three, not four? Okay, I believe you. I'm not even going to look it up. I'm not even going to check your math, sir. That's from Derek Hawkins, so if he's wrong, you can direct your comments at this. Derek, not even checking. I'm going to concede to you. This is a little bit of a longer one. Okay.
I think he had a funny pun about it being a meaty email that I didn't write down. Sorry, Drew. This is from Drew DeFonzo Marks. Do you know him? He's in the improv world with me and has performed with The Swarm. Which, if anybody's interested. Anyway, first Saturday of the month. First Saturday of the month at UCB Sunset. The Upright Citizens Brigade Sunset Theater at 9 p.m. You know, if you guys do well, we might get you to Franklin.
Actually, we may be moving to Franklin. So that may be when we're on our way up. We don't need that. But if you want to come see me perform with a fantastic bunch of people more talented than me. Come to that show. That's a separate issue. So Drew DeFonso, who has performed in that show on occasion, says, this podcast is amazing. I rewatch every TNG episode before I listen.
to the podcast, so I'm right there with you guys. And boy, do I regret it. My favorite is you two trying to figure out how the podcast is supposed to work. Please never agree on a structure and let the chaos continue. You are in luck, sir. be disappointed. My question, in Lonely Among Us at 710, for those who want to watch along, Riker tells the visiting aliens that humans no longer eat meat and have stopped enslaving aliens. Animals. Sorry, animals. My apologies.
That was my mistake, not Drew's. You guys did talk about this scene, but only about the slouching stoner alien in the background. It's way too on the nose in my opinion, but it's pretty clear Roddenberry's making a vegetarian humanity. a part of his utopian future. No. I think, that's not what I think.
I'll tell you what I think. Let me finish his take. Oh, I forgot. It's meaty. I think Roddenberry's laid out his world as a goal for humanity. United race of humans, greed, slash currency has been abolished and lack of crime and violence. So why is this one, which I think would be the most... Full disclosure, I'm a vegetarian most of my life. I was not. I hope this doesn't make me sound like a judgy prick. Chicken wings rule. Ugh.
Anyway. I say thank you, Drew. Thanks, Drew. Although I will never be a vegetarian myself. No, I can't handle it. So that's just how food replicators work. Replicators have patterns. Like, you know, if you want to eat Captain Picard, I'm sure you can get it from the transporter. Right. They have patterns and they have matter. So what they do is they combine the matter into whatever pattern you want it to be. And it's full of all the nutrients and things.
Every meal you have out of a replicator is supposedly perfectly balanced, which is why there aren't any fatties running around Star Trek. Oh, really? That's the reason? Yeah. Interesting. Everything you get out of the replicator is a nutritious, delicious thing. So, for instance, when Andy orders his 10 chocolate sundaes, they're going to come out and they're only going to give him, like, it's going to be like eating Halo Top.
Are you telling me it's not going to taste like Halo Top? I'm going to tell you it'll taste like Ben and Jerry's. But you'll get the calories of a Halo Top. Oh, my God. I want to be in the future so badly. I have never wanted to. I'm a nerd. I've wanted to be on Starships my whole life. I've never wanted to be there more than right now. Yeah. That is a dream. Why aren't people stuffing their faces with pizza constantly on the bridge? Well, I mean...
It's the bridge officer's job. At the end of his week shift, he orders pizzas for the bridge. I have a feeling I would pound it down. Oh, I'd still eat garbage that wasn't... Are you sure I don't sound echoey? I feel like I sound echoey. I'm not sure you don't sound echoey. I just don't want it to be. Is it my angle of... Andy, I don't know what we can do for you. I don't know. Maybe it's possible I have an echoey voice. Well, you know.
the overlord in this episode but we'll get to it it also could be that you have bare walls uh is that it you live like a like a i don't know what you live like an like a like an 80s cokehead I'll accept that. You walk into Andy's living room and it's fucking television the size of the Titanic. And it's two fucking chairs set up like he's Joey and Chandler on Friends. That's true. And his walls are adorned with...
White paint. I think we're beginning to piece together the many things that led to the falling apart of my marriage, guys. No, I just assumed she took all the art with her. Well, yes. I mean, there's definitely a bare path. where there used to be... You know what? It's getting so sad. We're getting so deep. So sad right at the top of the podcast. If you'd like to date Andy, email us. All right. From Joe Creighton.
He says, catching up, so forgive me if you thought about adding fan interaction with quements in future reps. Quements are from Nerdist. It's a thing we used to do. It's a question. It's a comment. It's a quement. Are we already doing that? I mean, we kind of are. I think you should leave us a voicemail, and we'd be happy to answer them. All right. Oh, great. Someone already has. Great. So, Jen from at your... Dick. You're a dick.
Oh, you're a dick. Oh, she made me say it. That's clever, Jen. It's not that clever, but you caught me off guard. I put all of this together without even seeing what Andy's reading. Well, you only heard it. The mislead. Anyway, she was addressing our strength questions because we were debating how strong is a Klingon and whatnot. And she breaks it down this way from most powerful to least powerful. Q, Species 8472. Yes. Data, Khan, interestingly. Uh-huh. Borg, Changelings.
Oh, interesting. Is that from DS9? Oh, no. Oh, they are. Okay. Jem'Hadar. Klingon slash Hirogen, she puts at the same level. Gorn. Vulcans, Romulans. These are all on the same level. Vulcans slash Romulans slash... That's the same species. Ronian? Does she mean... Andorian? Andorian. Orion. And then a next level, human slash Kardashian slash Bajorans. You said dash. Sorry. Slash. Cardassian. Not Cardassian. No, you're saying Kardashian. You said Kardashian.
Instead of Kardashian, the Kardashians. And also write into us where you think the Kardashians would be on this straight scale. I would put Khloe. Why? way higher oh yeah i mean she's constantly working on it yeah uh that fry me then interesting is right kazan kazans kazans which one are those i don't know Talaxian. And then the next level, Talaxian, Ocampa, and Vidians. And lastly, humorously, Tribbles. Talaxians. That's what What's-His-Face is. Neelix is on.
Voyager. I think we should change places and see if the echo goes well. Okay, I'm happy to change places. I don't know if Andy understands that I just know how to talk into a microphone. I don't think that's it. So I'm going to go under. I'm going to keep talking. Not echoing at all. And Andy's going to sit down and keep echoing while we all witness the magic. You know what? I think he's 100% right. I am echoing. We've been through three different mics. We have now completely...
It's just that I must have a naturally echoey voice. Well, you know how like vampires don't photograph? Sure. Might be that. I'm only half alive. Maybe you have a voice that was never meant to be heard. It's possible. Not that great for podcasting. What about me? I'm kind of like, I mean, back to the future, I'm half phasing out of existence at all times. Sure. Or I'm like the Edo Lord's able to exist in several different dimensions at once.
Okay, Robert Jackson says, make Matt watch Game of Thrones multiple people that I got into it. Didn't like fantasy, but I'll love Game of Thrones. Okay. I like their slot machine quite a bit. What are the symbols on it? Do you even know? Lots of things. A lot of dragons. A lot of wolves. Good old neon. A lot of eggs, a lot of boxes. At NMN underscore 80 underscore 418. If you have more than one underscore in your name, we're not going to read your name on the air. I agree.
She says, or he says, can Picard win NVC as captain, not crew? Yes. So we're just going to say if it is the MVC and he wins that week, then it would be the most valuable captain. Most valuable command officer. Command officer. That sounds like that's getting complicated. It's just the member of the crew. He is a member of the crew. It is the NBC. All right. That's about it for mail this week. Let's jump in. Oh, boy. Guys.
Let's take a step into episode 108, Justice. Captain's log, stardate 41255.6. After delivering a party of Earth colonists to the Stronad solar system, we have discovered another class M planet in the adjoining Rubicon star system. We are now in orbit there, having determined it to be inhabited as well as unusually lovely. My first officer has taken an away team down to make contact, and they are in the process of returning to the ship.
humans well actually i probably full-grown adult humans with some children to colonize another world in the solar system and They're visiting a nearby Class M planet that they just decided to visit because it was Class M, not really thinking about the fact that the people on the Earth below are not... Quite up to speed with the Federation. Yeah, I mean, there's so many. Well, I mean, let's see. He asked for a report. Right.
Is it as good as your report suggests, number one? As per reports of a class M, Earth-like, beautiful, it will startle you. Sounds wonderful for the children. The holodecks are marvelous, of course, but there's nothing like open spaces and... Fresh air? I've listed my report on their customs and laws, sir. Fairly simple, common sense things. They're wild in some ways, actually puritanical in others. Neat as pins, ultra-lawful. They make love at the drop of a hat.
Any hat. First of all, okay. The security officer just did a report on the law. Missed a huge part of that law. But I digress. 100%. And it's addressed later in a way where it's like, I read about all their laws, but this wasn't mentioned. Well, then what did you read? What did you read? You read nothing. I have so many. I would like to really get into detail because this first scene...
Oh, well, if we're going to get into detail, I'll just read the very quick synopsis from the Next Generation Companion. And also, you forgot to say, would you recommend that they watch this episode? The answer is no. No. Very good. It's flat out no. The answer is I would not recommend that they watch this episode. Does it have any redeeming qualities? No. Is it worth 45 minutes of your time? No. Is it worth an hour and 25 minutes of your time listening to us talk about it?
Probably not, but you are, and we appreciate it. So thank you. If you're interested in looking at a bunch of oily, tan, blonde people that look like they're from a 70s porn... but except there's no sex, then this is for you. Okay, so here's the synopsis for Justice, which aired November 9th, 1987. Stardate 41255.6. The pastoral planet of Rubicon 3 beckons after the Enterprise delivers a party of colonists to the nearby Stranade system. Rubicon's...
Healthy people, the Edo, and their ways of love and open sensual pleasure make this planet seem like the perfect R&R stop. But trouble looms in paradise after Wesley inadvertently chases a ball into one of the Edo's always-shifting forbidden zones, drawing the planet's simple punishment for every crime, death.
Dr. Crusher is furious, but Picard feels helpless under the prime directive as the captain pleads for Wesley's life. A machine-like being orbits the planet and sends a probe to scan Data's brain, proclaiming itself the Edo's god. The being demands the Enterprise's people leave its children alone and take the Stranad colonists back too. The Edo are shocked that the once-friendly visitors protest their law. One Edo even...
given the chance to see her god, much to the machine being displeasure. Picard finally agrees to take the boy from his Edo captors by force. He confronts the Edo who have built... in but bitterly taunt the crew with their own law. But God won't let the crew beam back. Picard argues that when laws are absolute, there can be no real justice. This convinces him to let them go on their way. So much. So many things. And honestly, in the middle of this episode, I was like, oh.
Okay, okay. And at the end, I was like, what the hell did I just watch? Really had to speed through that conclusion at the end there. Let me talk about, there's so many things. You're so echoey. It's hilarious to me. I know. What's going on? I feel like I'm putting it right in my mouth. I think you're talking too loud, honestly. Too loud? Yeah. Talk softer. Talk softer.
But then you have to turn me up. That's too soft. Don't you have to turn me up if I talk soft? Now you're just talking weird. I don't know. In this first season of Star Trek, I really find it's going to be hard for me to talk softly. Because I've been having a lot of different emotions swirling around. inside me. You don't have an echo when we talk at my house. Alright, so maybe we just gotta... I don't know. Put some things on your walls. Something to eat the...
Maybe get you some carpeting. Maybe get you a nice curtains. Let me ask you, in the unlikely event that I get any ladies over here, if they find giant kind of sound blankets on all the walls, will they send the wrong message? I think that'll send a message to them that you're ready for loud fucking. So it's the right message. Okay. All right. First. So dive in here. Okay. Riker enters.
He's like smiling like the cat who ate the canary. Sure. He is so excited. I'm assuming he's already had sex with a bunch of people on this planet. I mean, I can't imagine he hasn't... at least slept with four of them. So I don't know if we want to pause at this point to ask about the prime director because it never really occurred to me that Kirk is constantly having sex with aliens and it never occurred to me like...
Oh, he's having sex with people that don't even know what love is. Yeah. So is that kind of like... Some weird taking advantage? It never occurred to me until I saw Riker doing it and I was like, what's going on with him? I think they know what love is more so than human beings. That planet seems like they know what's going on. It's really interesting, Matt. Yeah. And you know how I know that they know what's going on?
And I welcome this huge one. Oh, yes. Nice planet. I want that to be my ringtone. So one thing is he doesn't mention sex at all in his report. He hasn't mentioned it because Picard is sort of still asking questions like he hasn't heard about this. So I have to assume he's chosen to keep it on the DL from Picard. Then Geordi totally blows his cover. Well, the drop of a hat. Any hat. Well, that's awesome. Well, this gets me to issue number two. So, Tasha. Yeah. T.R.
T-Yar. We know two things about her at this point in the series. Yes. We know that she's a badass. She's like a stalwart warrior. She trains constantly. She can fight anyone. She can sometimes beat up three or four holodeck opponents. 100%. But we also know that she is from a planet where the major gross national product from that planet is rape gangs. It's all she's mentioned so far. It's all she talks about. She has major trauma with it.
She's got a lot of issues. Understandably so. A hundred percent. Go ahead. She was on the run from these rape gangs from five years old. Uh-huh. And they're presenting her now. She cannot wait to get down to that planet and get her. Tasha Yar, the show is telling us at this moment, has got to have it. Well, I mean, listen, she's evolved. I'm sure with the help of her ship's counselor.
She is ready again for sexual contact. And this planet seems like as good a place as any to get it. I feel like that is not accurate. It's probably the last person or thing she has... sexed up is Commander Data. Yeah, but that's the thing. In the last couple of episodes, she's mentioned after Naked Now where she hooks up with Data. She's still mentioned the rape gangs again. Yeah.
Yeah. And the last person she hooked up with, which I understand, and that makes sense, that she has this sort of this sexuality that she's sorting her way through because of the trauma, and that's why the only person she feels safe having sex with is this android. Yeah. So how does that fit with this? You've already given this 400 more times thought than any writer in the writers room in season one.
I agree. Especially when they're writing this episode. This is the second episode they started writing. So at this point, I don't know if the Bible had been set of like what... is the background of each character. I have to imagine somewhat, yes, but I don't know. And then the craziest thing happens in the scene. What is it? If you approve shore leave, sir, we could start with a small group.
Of course. Wesley, if we go down, I'd like you to join the away team to evaluate this planet as a place for young people to relax. Yes, sir. If our scans and observations confirm the report. Of course I'll approve it. So, they just had a thorough discussion about the lax, not lax, the loose sexuality and all that proof. That's why he's sending Wesley. He wants to know if it's a good place to send a kid. That's his first thought?
Also, why is Beverly so aggressively trying to get her son down onto the sex planet? She's just trying to get her crew on shore leave. They've been in space now for a period of God knows how long. Seems like... It might have been almost eight weeks.
And then after that, it's like in the mix. I'm kidding. They shouldn't need short leave after that long. Well, there's so many. I'm going to really try and pull this apart. Okay, so one thing is. Is this an Andy's theory or is this just you pulling things apart? I don't know if it's a common complaint. No, I have a common complaint coming up. Okay. It's not a theory. I have no theory. It's a separate segment altogether. Right. Other than maybe Beverly's obsessed with having her son have sex.
because that's the only thing that explains her behavior in this weird scene where half the time they're talking about how this is the most fuck-heavy planet in the entire universe and the other half the time they talk about how the children need to get down there. And after... Wesley couldn't look more excited, and I get it. Sure. And then he exchanges a look with Beverly, who also couldn't look more excited for him. She wants ground shippling.
that's it maybe that's a good that's your theory we need a theme song for you and um but let me uh just as a just to really get into the crazy detail um there's a moment where at the beginning, Beverly interrupts Troy mid-sentence. Let me actually just go back to this. I remember that, yeah. I don't know if we played it. I think he started right after. Maybe he did. And, um...
The doctor has something very important to tell you, Captain. You've been talking about it for days. Shore leave for the crew. Establishing this colony has been exhausting for the entire crew, Captain. We're not a supply vessel. Settling all those people has been a strain on everyone I'm tired myself Okay She's worried about the crews. General mental health, physical health, they're exhausted. Well, question number one I have is she says in the scene that the holodeck...
is no match for real fresh air and sun. Is that true? Yeah. Why? Why would the holodeck be a match for wide open spaces? So the holodeck doesn't... offer the same qualities of the sun and or do they just have supplements or like what what are you talking about as far as like
The health benefits of being in the fresh air and in the sun. No. It's a room on a starship. It's emotional. Why would it have emotional benefits? I don't think she's looking for emotional benefits right now. I think she's looking for physical... The crew is weary, and I think they need some nice fresh air. It's going to be great for them. But this is what I'm asking. Do they not get the health benefits of fresh air? Why would they?
In the 24th century, they have not been... It's a simulation. Okay, well then, aren't they in danger? In the 24th century, they have not been... Continue that sentence. In the 24th century, they have not figured out a way to simulate the same things they've been able to simulate in the taste of... animals and the health benefits of good food with fresh air yeah i listen i imagine that as good as a replicated new york strip or porterhouse steak is it will not It will not match a real...
New York strip or porterhouse steak. I think you're contradicting. I think my, my, your statement earlier in this podcast where I said, would it taste, it would not taste like halo ice cream. I think it's, it's going to be like it's halo ice cream. It's a fine product and we'd love you as a sponsor. Halo is great. But I just... You're not...
Understanding it. I don't want to jump ahead. All right. They're going to explain it later? Yeah. All right. Well, it's a minor point. The main point I was going to make was this is a badly written moment. It was weird. It's like Beverly comes in. She's the chief medical officer on this galaxy glass starship. She has the patience to wait until Troy finishes a fucking sentence to make a request. It was weird. And I was like, I bet you.
There was something in the script that was different. And Sean McMahon actually sent us a link from www.st-minute. Minutia? Minutia, sorry. Minutia. Minutia. I pronounced it wrong. Oh, God. I'm maybe dyslexic. Underscore, underscore. Dot com. And it has all of the scripts from TNG and DS9. And so I looked it up, as I did with a couple of other things. And there is a moment...
Beverly goes, Captain. See, she is interrupted. Sorry, Troy. Troy smiles, beckons Beverly in, which didn't happen. The doctor has something much more important on her mind. And then there's a moment where Beverly goes, Please, Troy, do not pick up my feelings. And Troy goes, your feelings? All we need are ears. I'm sorry we missed out on that joke. Picard smiles to Beverly, you've been talking about it for days now, surely for the crew. So they cut.
That moment. I'm assuming to collapse time for the episode to make time, which is something that we'll often do. Which to me is crazy because this is the most under-edited show. There are so many pauses that you could have eliminated. Yeah, but it would be frenetic and it wouldn't breathe and it wouldn't be Star Trek. I 100% disagree. I think that there's so many moments where it's just someone slowly reacting and then there's someone slowly walking across the room.
I think if you start to watch for these moments, they will start to slowly drive you insane. All right. I think that now we've issued a challenge. I would like Andy to do an episode of Star Trek Next Generation and call it Andy's Edit. Oh, yeah, here we go. And I want you to cut out the breathing. Well, I'm not going to edit it, but I will tell you what we could have done if you wanted Beverly to sort of break in is just have Troy finish her sentence.
Cut that couplet about the feelings if you wanted to cut it. And then in the ADR for Picard, go, ah, Dr. Crusher. And, you know, go into the rest of the line. And you would have... Got into the same thing without a weird break-in. So I don't know who's... Again, you can't blame the editor because the showrunner often makes the choice in the edit room. But it bugs me.
Sorry. This is so dumb. You're not going to make it better. I'm sorry. I'm going to go back and re-edit these episodes. Okay. Do we know anybody at Paramount who can get us access to the full footage so you can take your own takes? I would really improve this first season. I can tell you that much. You can make it probably 30 minutes long. My next thing is at 438. I don't know what that means. I don't have any time codes for you. All right. It's just Worf being freaked out.
I love a freaked out wharf. All right. It's one of the best. I get it. It's like a lag. Careful, sir. No, it's all right, Lieutenant. Those are the Edo we met before. They certainly are. So weird. They certainly are. Health and happiness. A pleasant day to you. You did return as promised. Oh, creepy. It's a very visual, what's happening right now. Riker just, they have this weird hug where they kind of nuzzle into their necks, and I gotta tell you... Uh...
Unless I'm already sort of like, it's on. Yeah. I don't want any person to make the noise that Riker just made when they're hugging me. Right. Although, you know, Riker could have been intimate with her previous. It feels like it is implied. Well, I think it's actually implied that this race of people, the Enids or Edos, sorry, the Edos, are just hypersexual without being totally sexual. At no point are they walking by anyone.
Fucking. No. Oh, wait. You're saying you don't... When they say they play at love, they're not actually having sex? What I'm saying is maybe they aren't. Maybe they're playing that weird game where they put... balls behind their back and then reveal them and say you're gonna love this game Do you want to play it love? Oh, that's love? No. Everyone's in for some sort of mistake. Although we know it wouldn't be a ball because Wesley introduces them to tossing a ball back in for us.
Famous Earth game. It takes a real Starfleet interaction to bring people terrible, boring things. Everyone at the top of this episode from the bridge on to me is... You ever get a new job and it's like the first day of the job and your take is just... everyone at this office is acting weird. Like, everyone at this office is weird. And eventually you become acclimated to it, and you're like, no, I'm one of the weird people now. But that's the way everyone is striking me in this episode.
All right. So while they're dealing with these weird people, you know, these weird people that Andy can't imagine nuzzling. I'm just saying, you're not open to nuzzling. So if you want to date Andy who's not open to nuzzling, email the podcast. If it's on, then it's fine. Oh, if you're going to email the podcast, make sure it's on. Then it's going to be fine.
I guess I'm saying if I'm already in a situation where it's like, oh, okay, we're really vibing, but I don't know. All right, fair enough. Maybe Riker was already vibing with this lady. Meanwhile, up on the ship. While they've beamed down and are talking to people, this happens. Shields and deflectors are full-term and phaser banks ready.
Hailing frequencies, any reply? It was something unintelligible, sir. Now running it through language and logic circuits. Geordi, sir, have a real look. Aye, sir. Sir, my sensors read it well as half there. It does look as if it were... Partly transparent. I love... Have a real look. I love that he... Is that completely illogical that the ship would not be able to do everything Geordi's visor can do? Uh...
Well, if the sensors on the ship are malfunctioning. Oh, I see. Then, you know, who knows? So Geordi can actually physically go look out the window. Right. And read things on many bands because... you know, in the future, handicaps become advantages. Sure. Thanks to science. So, what is this thing that has appeared outside of...
First of all, it's the ship from Conundrum, which we'll see later in season five or six. Oh, really? Well, I will say, with all my complaints, really good effect on the alien ship. You did say that out loud while watching it. And I was just like... You don't agree. I mean, it's no better or worse than everything we see on this show. See, I guess what's starting to break down in my head is that the costumes and the...
And the makeup on the aliens and the sets are so poor at the beginning of this episode. Not this episode, this season. Yeah. That when I see the special effects being actually pretty equivalent to the high level at the time, I'm impressed. So this thing that's not there outside the ship, they try to communicate with it. And they can't communicate with it normally until it starts talking to them. It's so loud, it's shaking everyone. Which is weird. I'm Captain Picard.
Commanding this Federation starship. State the purpose of your visit here. We have sent down what we call an away team to make peaceful contact here. Do you plan to leave life forms here? No. We are merely visiting here. But you did more at the world you just left. Why have you left your own life forms there? The colony we just planted, sir. We found that world uninhabited. The life forms we left there had sought the challenge, at least that is the basic reason, had sought the challenge of...
Creating a new lifestyle, a new society there. Life in our world is driven to protect itself by seeding itself as widely as possible. Do not... interfere with my children below. Oh. That's what humans do. Andy, we spread ourselves. We seed ourselves. So this seems like remarkably bad diplomacy on Picard's part.
To describe themselves as like, no, it's okay. What we do is we infect a planet with our essence and our people. That's all we're doing. You sound like a Borg right now. Do I sound like a Borg? Yeah. That's what a Borg would do. That's what a Borg says humans do. Oh. Well, you know what? Maybe I'm a Borg. I stand by it. Finally. We found it out. You know what? I will embrace that. Their voices do echo into microphones quite a bit.
Oh, yeah. That's probably the problem. I'm a Borg. They were super cool. I got no issue with the Borg. So, meanwhile. Before we move on, this. seemed to me to be very reminiscent, the voice and everything of something that was echoing in my brain. And just now, as you were playing that clip, it clicked in and I found a clip. So hopefully this is the right clip. Okay. From Time Bandits, the movie.
That's me playing the alien in this. Is that the same actor? It's a great question. I don't know. It does sound very similar. I think I can look it up. Well, you could look it up, but... I'd like to talk a little bit about Riker and Worf's interaction on the planet. Okay. Where Worf is asked about plain old basic sex.
The good life, Worf. I am not concerned with pleasure, Commander. I am a warrior. Even Klingons need love now and then. For what we consider love, sir, I would need a Klingon woman. What about plain old basic sex? You must have some need for that. Of course. But with the females available to me, sir, Earth females, I must restrain myself too much. They are quite fragile, sir.
Have a very nice time. Worf, if anyone else had said that, I'd suspect he was bragging. Bragging, sir. I think I'll pass on that. Care to comment, Andrew? You had a lot of people on this. In the Federation. Yeah. That are not allowed to have sex. Like the Vulcans can only have it every seven years with a Vulcan woman. No, the Vulcan desire. is biologically built in every seven years. They must mate as a survival instinct. That's what that is. They can't only have sex every seven years.
Oh, I never interpreted it that way. You think they're having sex in between. Yeah. But I think that biologically they must mate. every seven years i thought the idea was to remain logical they kind of remove sex from the if that's the idea i had never i had assumed the other way now we need to know yeah if you're an expert on pond far Email Andy. My Twitter is flooded with bonfire. Oh, which by the way, my Twitter is at Secunda.
Matt's is at Matt Myra. And the podcast's Twitter is at Star Trek TNC. A common misconception. with the series, is that Vulcans only have sex once every seven years. However, Ponfar is not coincident with the sex lives of Vulcans, and they are able to have intercourse without affliction, and...
and thus more than once every seven years. Star Trek, the original series writer and continuity story editor DC Fontana explains that Ponfar is not the only time Vulcans feel sexual desire or engage in sexual activity. Oh, okay, there you go. Finally, I was right about something. Thank God, guys. I feel like they don't play Spock as someone who is having sex all the time, or at all, other than Ponfar, though.
I feel like Star Trek sexuality is not explored that much because it doesn't need to be. Well, it certainly is with Herc. Yes, because he was a Lothario, you know, creeper dude. who creeps on Orion slave girls. Uh-huh. Uh... Um, I don't see a listing for the Edo Lords, uh... The Edo Lord's voice. If you were the Edo Lord voice, please record a message to Andy. Oh, please do. And if you give me an outgoing message, that would also be great.
Leave. Leave a message. Leave a message for me. You know what else it sounds like? It sounds like the guy in the mummy roller coaster. Oh, yeah. I like that roller coaster. It's a great roller coaster. The Mummy at Universal Studios, Orlando, and Los Angeles. It's very different in Orlando. It's much longer. Way better in Orlando. So much better. Orlando knows what's up.
So I guess we should talk about the crux of this episode, which is Mr. Wesley Crusher playing ball with some young people who I don't know if he's going to have a four-way with them or not, but... Right now they're playing ball, and they're in a forbidden zone when he goes for a ball much further than he needs to and ends up in a plant. This is done in a forbidden zone, which is a zone where...
I guess it's the only place the law is enforced every day and it moves. That's what I gather, right? Oh, you're right. There was a weird thing about the zone. Yeah, the zone moves. What the fuck is that? That's so no one will break the law because they never know when the zone is being enforced. So he might have done that and the zone wouldn't have been on him and it would have been fine? Yes. What's the purpose of that?
Of what? Why have the zone move? Why not just have there be laws and these laws apply to these places and that's that? Because with this, they only have to have a police force of two dudes. Oh. That makes sense. By the way, just because the dudes come out and they're wearing these outfits. Yeah. The guy's outfits in this episode are bonkers. It's like a reverse ladies one piece. We should be seeing more junk.
than we're seeing. It's weird. Because they don't care about negative balls. Do you know what I mean? I'm just saying the outline of the actors. The actors should be, I think, we should be seeing more of their junk. Well, maybe that supports your theory that they're not really having sex. Maybe no one has junk. Interesting. I like it. That could be Andy's theory. Hang on one second.
Andy, do you have any theories? No, I'm not ready in any way. Andy. I'm not ready. Seriously though, Andy, I just have one question for you. I'm sorry. You know what's funny is I had a long... My question for you. You're just tormenting me now. If you had, say, any kind of thoughts on this episode that might be organized into some kind of potential. This is so upsetting.
What is an explanation that you might have for something? Or I'm just trying to find the word. Andy, do you have any thoughts? It's a really good question. Do I have thoughts? Or maybe do you have a theory? You know what, pal? I do. Uh... I'm trying to keep up. Andy's theories, everybody. Andy, do you have a theory about this episode? Yeah, these people don't have junk. It's really, it's a math secunda joint theory. Well, I think we can have joint theories, but we'll call it an Andy's theory.
And they don't have sex. And that's the reason. Although, you know, the theory's kind of falling apart. This is the first time this ever happened. Because I didn't plan it. The theory falls apart because... Why is Riker so excited and lascivious about being down there? Maybe both the males and the females have innies. Oh, innies. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Maybe Riker can have his way with both genders. Sure. That's Matt's theory. By the way,
Maybe we should get into it next week. You have a theory? No, I don't have a theory. Let's just finish up the theory. What was Andy's theory? Oh, I watched you watch this episode, so you didn't have time to formulate an actual Andy's theory. So this is this week's Andy's theory. Andy's theory. are very interesting because he's really smart. Oh, boy. It delights me. That's great. Okay. So just to go along with the general attitude, a poll was given.
And people said they want chaos. So I had an instinct of, oh, we missed some stuff. Fuck it. Do we miss anything where you're like, oh, if I don't talk about this, it's going to kill me? Not at all. Great. Just something where it's like, oh, hey, there's something. Well, here's something. All right. See, he's trying to move forward because he knows order is superior to chaos. Don't babble. Babble, sir?
I'm not aware that I ever babble, sir. It may be that from time to time I have considerable information to communicate, and you may question the way in which I organize it. Please, organize it into brief answers to my questions. We have very little time. Do they accept our presence at this planet? Undecided, sir. Data. Please feel free to volunteer any important information. Yeah. Yeah. Data battles.
And we're really just figuring out Data's character still. I enjoyed that conversation. And I enjoyed, as always, Brent Spiner's comedic sort of deadpan spin on it. And his realization that he was babbling. And then as soon as they started talking about Wesley, he was like... And Beverly starts to fall apart just after this. He's like, interesting. She just goes, shut up! And runs out. That was really funny. I do babble. So here's the deal. Okay, this episode has to do...
Do I have a clip of The Law? Yeah. Well, let me go to this clip because I think it's a little bit before Where You Were. But it has Picard talking about capital punishment on Earth. I thought it raised a question for me about what exactly your take is. Not always, but now they do. Do you execute criminals? No, not any longer. But you did once. Unfortunately, yes. But since then... And when you did, was it believed necessary to do so?
some people felt that it was necessary but we have learned to detect the seeds of criminal behavior capital punishment in our world is no longer considered a justifiable deterrent so So is he saying...
He said that they've been able to detect the seeds. Is this like some Minority Report shit? Like, they can detect it before it happens? Yeah, I thought about Minority Report when he said that. Or is it they stop people from becoming criminals in some genetic or behavioral adjustment? I think it's... think they think it's behavioral and I think they
Do that. They sort of try to nurture, not nature, nature. Nurture, not nature. Do they nurture or do they use science to bend personalities to fit society's standards? Oh, boy. No. I don't know. You viruses. Spreading your... Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You're filled throughout the planet. No, but I don't know what the... We are the Secunda. Okay. The Secunda is here, everyone. The future of law enforcement. I mean...
Murders still happen. All sorts of crimes still happen. So I have to say they probably have an eradicated crime, but they just don't. I will say in Star Trek 5, one of the things that did throw me is when they're on the planet and I think it's Kirk goes into the bar and there's all this illegal activity. And it's on Earth, right? Or is it somewhere else? What are you talking about? They go to a bar in Star Trek V. There is a bar with a pool table and a TV. Remember the pool table?
I just seem to remember there was a scene where I was like, wait a minute, Earth isn't all sort of utopian Starfleeting? I don't think it is. Honestly, I don't think Earth is all utopian Starfleety. I think Starfleet is the military branch, military slash exploration branch of the government. of the United Earth Federation. Okay. There is a president of Earth, a president of the Federation, and, you know, it's just a military branch thereof.
You get to see a lot more of Earth, how Earth is under Federation rule in Deep Space Nine. I look forward to that. Do you, though? Not really. Exactly. That's your problem. So just to also address this, Picard's solution is to bring, I think her name is Rivan. Yes. Up to the ship. Oh, you mean... It's a 2902 is what I was going to do. Oh, go ahead. What is it? I don't know if it's an appropriate clip, but I can play it anyway. Then I have another question. I have this one.
while orbiting while circling high above your world as we do we have encountered a strange object a vessel perhaps have you any idea what it is it's not entirely real at least it's not completely solid do you mean god god god is said to be Somewhere up there, protecting us. Exactly, exactly how would you describe God? As you just did, as existing both here and in another place also. But when God wants to show its power, it can make itself felt most fully. I just...
He brings her up to the ship as a solution. Like, I have to show you this and we'll talk about it. No, that's not a solution. He needs to know what that is. He needs to know if she recognizes it. Well, I mean, this is my question in general. I don't know why he can't just, like, snap a pic with his phone. And then go like, yo, check this. What do you think this is? You carry God around in your pocket. No, no, it's just a pic of God. Also, he can't go like...
uh, this God of yours, do you have any drawings or renderings of him? You know, just any, there's a number, number of things. Where does the prime direct it? You know what? I think you're right about my voice. I think I'm talking too loudly, and that's why it's... Yeah, welcome to what I've been telling you. Oh, wow. This is really... But I don't know. This is going to change my whole persona. I'll be calm.
That's not who Secunda is. Secunda's passionate. Everyone needs to know who you are. Secunda's someone who says his opinions out loud. Yes, he does. Oh, boy. Anyway, my point was that... His solution is to... I mean...
How many times did they break the prime directive in this fucking episode? They do it from the get-go, from minute one, where they... Hey, there's this primitive alien race that has sex. Let's go to this planet. Let's go to this planet. You know, the crew can go down and have sex with all these people. Return my child. This is what happens after she beams aboard. It's coming towards us. It's a car to transport the room. Come in.
Yes, do that, but hurry. It's still coming towards us. Transporter chief to captain. Want to beam down to a way team location. Hurry. Engage. Transporter. Well, there you go. Yeah, the thing was moving towards the ship. My child. Yeah. I mean, they go down to this planet. I just want to hear this real clip. It seems the Edos God is very protective of its children. I had no choice but to learn about that thing from her. I'm sorry I had to. She was so frightened. It's understandable, sir.
Sharing an orbit with God is no small experience. Yeah, no shit. Also, you took her up to a ship. They didn't know what the hell that thing was. That's not going to fucking alter the evolution of this fucking race. Well, I mean, they're seeing... You're not supposed to fucking see... You're not supposed to show them a post-warp civilization when you're pre-warp. No. They can't leave the planet. And then...
I don't know if this is exactly right. So, like, in the middle of the episode, I'm kind of thinking, like, oh, okay, this is a... We're going somewhere here. Yeah. There's some tension, and it's a really interesting prime directive problem. Wesley committed a crime on their world. In order to fulfill the prime directive, they have to kill Wesley. Picard says, I'm not going to kill Wesley. And then it's like, oh, what clever, diplomatic, engineering, scientific...
Or some variation of solution. What gorgeous piece of science fiction writing are we going to hear? How at 2 a.m. in the Star Trek writer's room is Gene Roddenberry's lawyer going to figure his way out of this one? Because... Clearly he's the one who maneuvered this episode. And Ron Burrow is off losing his mind. Yeah. And this is the solution. It's an exercise in exceptions.
When has justice ever been a son? May I have the clip totally cued up right here? I don't know how to communicate this, or even if it is possible. But the question of justice has concerned me greatly of late. And I say to any creature who may be listening, there can be no justice so long as laws are absolute. Even life itself is an exercise in exceptions.
When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book? Seems the Edo Lord agrees with you, number one. And that's it. And I'm like, oh no, something else is going to happen. No, that is it. Nothing else happens. That is it. Then they just go away. We don't find out what the Edo Lords are about. We don't know what their deal is. I mean, there's some suggestion.
That the people on the planet are sort of like seeds that will become these half-dimensional beings in the future? Yeah. And that's what they're for? But we don't really know how they feel about the Starfleet. We don't know why they listen to this kind of bullshit speech Picard gives. Totally. And we hear in the previous Captain's log to that, we hear...
Captain's log, stardate 41255.9. Whatever the object or vessel in orbit with us, it hangs there like a nemesis. It is one thing to communicate with something mysterious. But it is quite another to be silently observed by... It's weird that he was recording this while playing drums. ...whether it understands the same concept of reason that we do. So he's wondering while the drums were going, what if...
You still don't have any soundboard version. If this being, this vessel, this interdimensional god has the same concept of reason as human beings. And the answer, quite frankly, is... Probably. I'm going to play the last bit of communication with this alien creature. Open, sir. To the object in orbit with us. We will remove the human colonists from the adjoining solar system if you signal us to do so. Please tell us.
Captain. Is that a signal? I suppose... I suppose it must be. I was hoping for more. More of what, sir? I'm glad it's gone. Agreed, sir. Short and sweet. God-like. It's actually good writing, sir. I was hoping we might learn more about it. But since we can't, take us out of here, number one. We could learn more. But since we can't, insane. That's... Someone wrote... Instead of figuring out what the alien is about, they wrote a character saying, I wish we could figure out more what it's about.
But, Gene, don't you think that the audience is going to want to know more about what's going on in there? I am the great bird of the galaxy. Oh, well. This is what we're doing. Okay, but I just think maybe we should put in a line about it. I am not insane. Yeah. I mean, that's justice for you. Not to the viewer, I'll tell you that much. I... Well, I guess we have to... We have to write it, right?
Is that what we're doing now? Is rating this episode? We've just played the last end of this episode. I thought you said write it. I was excited. I thought we were going to write it. Should we rewrite this episode? Maybe. Yeah, I think it's time to find out how many Andes we give this. Oh, damn it. It's okay. God damn it. You're going to get there someday. Someday you're going to get there. Guys, I'm sorry.
It's time. You're so bad at this. I really am. Go ahead. I have other skills that are not being shown here. Let's find out how many Andy's are here. We sit and watch and then we hang and talk. But the podcast isn't over just yet. That's fantastic. From Joe Garcia. I think I talked about it last week, but then forgot to play it. That's classic Andy. A very polite fashion pointed out to me. Hey, you mentioned my thing, but then you guys didn't play it. Did you cut it?
out or something or just like what so what was going on i don't understand why you guys would do that i just i told my my relatives help me i'm just like trying to figure out why i just i told us to download it and then they didn't listen so i just feel like are you guys like unprofessional Totally or just partially? Is it mostly Andy that doesn't know what he's doing or is it Matt too? Guess what? It's both of us. Love the podcast and fuck you. Anyway, great theme.
Thank you, Joe. We're open to ongoing themes of any variations. And I will say that I give this episode... See, it's tough because I'll take it through my thinking on it. I would give it a one would be my instinct based on the ending. Because the only thing that I think is of value in this episode is the tension in the middle. But they really hit one of my pet peeves, which is a writer setting up something.
And that is what they're hooking us with, a tension, and then not figuring out the way to solve the tension in a dramatically satisfying way. And they 100% sell out the whole episode at the end. So... Oh, there's something we also never discussed. Okay. What is it? We can go back and discuss that thing now. What do you want to discuss, my friend? This planet of blonde-haired white people.
is Hitler's dream. This is what is described as Eden by our people, by Starfleet. And it's crazy. There's not even... Okay, fine. They're an alien race that kind of looked the same, except a few episodes before this, you had an alien race that was all black people that was kind of savage and warlike and primitive. And this is this...
You know, even though they're primitive, they're evolved and they're peaceful and they're blonde, white. I mean, there's not even a Jew or an Italian as far as the eye can see. I think there was weird shit going on in Roddenberry's brain. Okay, so... And it would be very in keeping in the current American... You give it how many Andes? You give it how many Andes? You know what? That tipped me over the scale. I give it one Andes.
It's a fucking flat out racist weird episode with no ending. I give this episode one ending. That's the first time we've agreed. It's bad. And it doesn't have anything like... You know, I'll bump things up on Andy if it has some sort of fun thing about the ship that I didn't know or a place we get to see. Like, you know, Sensor Maintenance last week was worth at least one Andy. Oh, interesting. Sensor Maintenance was what pulled it up.
I just find this to be so, um, so like it's a nicely thought out episode, but if you're not, If you're not breaking the fucking Prime Directive from day one, second one, you know, I just don't... It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. This whole episode is Prime Directive just... thrashing the prime directive in the head that being said this week's most valuable crew member um and uh i'll say we uh we have a new uh most valuable crew member submission
We might cycle through different ones. We might land on a favorite, depending on what the audience says. This one comes from Anders Peterson, and here it is. Yeah, the NBC. Only Matt and Andy know who it's gonna be. Will it be Data, Riker, Patrol, or Dr. Plush? You gotta fill the time with something at least until season three. A lot of sort of Broadway-ish kind of old-time jazzy riffs coming in as themes. I also... Okay, so the NBC of this episode is...
Commander Data. How so? He's the only... Wait, hang on. They never use any of that. The MVC of this episode is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. You know, I would say that it was Jean-Luc Picard. Except that Jean-Luc Picard... His solution is moronic. I think it was smart. I will say one cool thing that he does is when the ship is about to be destroyed by the Edo Lords, then he puts his comm badge.
on the alien's child and has her beamed back. And I think that's the first time we've seen a move like that. Certainly in the next generation. Which I thought was pretty cool. But... Seems like that's flimsy to put the whole thing on. I mean, you're... completely misread the information or didn't dig deep enough to find out the laws. So that's on her.
Wesley crashes through the thing. He doesn't do anything. Riker's just thinking about hooking up with these people with the same genitalia. Right. You know what? I'm going to give it to Worf. Well, how so? Because, as usual... Worf throughout the episode is saying, and I think there is a moment, and I wish I could bring it up, but there's a moment when...
He goes over to Yar and says, hey, I want to talk to you for a second. And she's like, Worf, you've got to hear this. And starts talking about the other stuff. He's the only one that really is cautious about the situation from the beginning. Now, he doesn't get to do anything because nobody fucking listens to him. But I think he's the only one with any sense. You're giving it to Worf. Yeah. I'm giving it to Picard. Is this our first disagreement?
Well, in this category. Certainly not in life. Picard is the one who... Did I say Kirk? No, I didn't hear it. Picard is the one who reasons himself out of this whole situation. He's the one in charge. He's the one who beams down to the planet, delivers a terrible speech. that convinces a god like alien creature to allow them to beam out. And if he doesn't deliver that speech, they don't beam out of there. Yeah, but...
The speech is bullshit. The fact that the speech is terrible shouldn't factor into your... It's not the most valuable speech award. It's the most valuable crew member. And today, that most valuable crew member for me...
and not for Andy, is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Just to analyze this. So if you're... No, no, no. Not analyze this with Billy Crystal and Robert De Niro. I'm talking about analyze that. The sequel. If you're in a basketball game... Yes. And the clock is... You're telling me... sometimes isn't the reason that the fucking the spurs win yeah but my point is this if the clock runs down yeah and then someone
passes the ball, and the other guy's not looking, and it bounces off the guy's head, and then falls into the basket. And the guy's done nothing else in that entire game. That is the most valuable player. I mean, if his head wasn't there, they weren't going to win. I don't agree with this at all. That's why we're different. Worf, you and me, pal.
So, yeah, okay. That's it. We get the MVC out of the way. We gave it as many Andes as we can, which is a combined total of two Andes. I don't know if it adds up that way. It's one Ande. An average of one Ande. An average of one Ande. I kind of feel like we should, I don't know. I kind of want to give some of these episodes a less than one, Andy, but I know it goes from one to... You can't. That's just the way it goes. Very frustrating. So I do want to quickly mention that...
They started fundraising on Indiegogo for a Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Documentary. Documentary called What We Left Behind, which is in reference to the last episode of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, which is What We Leave Behind. And they have already hit their... funding goal of $250,000. I'm sorry, actually, their original goal was $150,000.
They have now hit 200% of that goal. So there are stretch goals, and you can still back it. If they get up to, let's see, I'll tell you exactly what happens here. If they get up to $500,000... They're going to do a lot of fun stuff, but we don't know what that is yet because it's written in Ferengi. So right now they're trying to raise the $350,000 moment, which will give the movie an original score with a live orchestra.
and extended writers room feature, which would be very cool to see. For $425,000, they will film an additional roundtable interview with the DSpace9 crew members and fans. And it unlocks a free bonus item. So they got some stretch goals going right now. I think they'll also give you your own free duplicate of the parking tickets that... The DS9 gave out when you parked your car there. It's just a space parking lot. You know, Andy, you really got to watch it before you get on that.
I await being convinced. So for $200, you can get Terry Farrell to make some cookies for you. Bake With Love by The Trill herself. Terry will send you a batch of her chocolate chip cookies. Complete with a personalized card and mystery DAX-themed bonus item, all packed in a gift basket. That actually sounds like a great deal. It's a standalone gift. That's the only perk you're getting from that is her cookies. Yeah.
There you go. Folks. So just go to Indiegogo.com. Look for what we left behind Star Trek 2 Space Nine documentary. I'm looking forward to...
It's going to get made because they've raised enough money. So if you want to give it more money, go for it. 19 days left. I think they can do it. I do root for those people. I would like to see that documentary after I watch the... series series four years five years when andy's finally ready to watch it um we may we may go we've gotten a lot of requests to go to two times a week and we may at some point if we can find a financial way to make this
That's our only job. That's never going to happen. You never know. Our financial way would be to make documentaries about DSpace9. Seems like they can raise some money. Fair enough. That's it. We'll see you next week with The Battle. Which is an episode I enjoy. And I hope Andy enjoys it also. Don't expect a good episode, but expect some enjoyable moments. Okay, so you're saying next week's episode will not be like...
this is a great show, but it'll be like, okay. Yeah, there are some moments. You know what? That's where my expectations have been set. I will be delighted to watch. My pre-Andy rating prediction. Ooh. New segment. Exciting. Pre-Andy rating prediction on this episode is six Andys. Six Andys? I'm going to say this is going to get six Andys. All right.
All right. Whoa, we're not beaming out. Should we be out? Wait, I'm ready. I'm so ready. You've been doing it way longer than me. I don't understand what's happening. I don't play sounds on all my shows. This is stupid. This is like morning radio. There's no reason for this to exist. sitting in the transporter room like a couple of jerks. Hey, what about me? I'm still sitting here. Hey guys, I came back to tell you. It's supposed to be me. I'm beating you out. Disengage.
Okay, now that he's gone, I can tell you his voice isn't echoey. He's just an idiot. I gotta go!