Square Roots - Episode 427 Welcome to this In-Ogre-Al episde of our Tactics Ogre playthrough! You can play Reborn! You can play the PlayStation 1 one! You can play the PSP one! Whatever you want, it's all about various ethnic groups at war. You know it's an Alexander O. Smith translation with all the "neh"s and manses, so get ready for some great but dense text! Also: - In-Ogre-Al - Is Vanessa JD Vance? - His Name Is Grandma's Peach Tea - A Birthday Cacophany - The Dynast-King Dragula - Duke Wro...
Aug 19, 2024•2 hr 5 min•Season 65Ep. 1
Quantum Break Part 4 - The DreamCast Square Roots - Episode 426 It's TIME to wrap up this TIME TALE. We push through the finale of this game with focus and vigor, like a time train smashing through a time building. But beware the time monster! It's obviously coming, and surely this is going to be a fight for the ages. You definitely are going to fight this time monster. Also: - Watching Hostel is Like Being In Hostel - I Don't Wanna Be a Chronon Active Time Traveller! - Is It Cool If I Call Him ...
Aug 12, 2024•2 hr 19 min•Season 64Ep. 4
Square Roots - Episode 425 On this temporal episode of Square Roots, we explore the conclusion of the Time Knife. It's so long. So, so long. Does SLOBBO die? Does anyone peel off a mask? Whose baby is that, anyway? All this and so much more on tonight's episode of Night Springs. Also: - Matt Is A Blue Mage Now - UFC Surgical Tubing Strangle Attack - More Hatch Lore - Under the Bridge Downtown - It's Not A Frame Rate Drop, It's A Quantum Stutter - Pool Swimming - Beth Did 9/11 Twice This Week: We...
Aug 05, 2024•2 hr 57 min•Season 64Ep. 3
Square Roots - Episode 424 It's a time mix-up game! On this episode of Square Roots we play through Act 2 of Quantum Break, which involves a lot of time ships, time jumps, time shields, time soldiers and time knives. And a severe bob. Just a heads up we misgender Ezra Miller a few times - we'll make sure to be more cognizant of this going forward. Also: - What If Alex Horne Is A Ghoul? - Trashcan Them - DigiLiam - A Straight Up Half Hour Where We All Review The Stand (2020) - Let's Call Her Amby...
Jul 29, 2024•2 hr 15 min•Season 64Ep. 2
Square Roots - Episode 423 Please note Johnny misread the number of episodes on his Amazon Prime Video app, and was wrong. Very wrong. You don't need to tell Johnny he was wrong. There are 9 episodes to the 2020 The Stand miniseries. Not 6. Each host has, in turn, told Johnny he was wrong after recording and that's terrible. Alright! It's time to break time, or some quantums. What exactly is a quantum? For years Johnny thought it was a time thing, but learned that this was again very wrong. We'r...
Jul 22, 2024•2 hr 18 min•Season 64Ep. 1
Square Roots - Episode 422 On this episode of Square Roots we listen to a few more of Sticky's stories in the divisive Fallout 3. Oh yeah, we also finish the game! And there's a robot that sounds like Optimus Prime! And we deal with the problems haunting our Vault! And maybe talk an Ant Lady out of being an Ant Lady and a Robot Man out of being a Robot Man. Also: - The Vanessa Witch TV Show - That Is Men! Put Them In The Bear Suits! - Is Liberty Prime Optimus? - That Bible Fella This Week: Finis...
Jul 15, 2024•2 hr 13 min•Season 63Ep. 5
Square Roots - Episode 421 On this episode of Square Roots, we get to the ROOT of Harold's problem. You might say we cut to the HEART of the issue. And we RESCUE CHILDREN from a slavers camp, which isn't a pun but merely a factual thing that happens. Plus we hear a 100% Authentic Liam Neeson Death Rattle, and prove once and for all that the only thing Humongous about Mungos is our hearts. But not like Harold's humongous heart, I mean metaphorically. Also: - Vanessa Should Back Off Her Burns - Re...
Jul 08, 2024•2 hr 21 min•Season 63Ep. 4
Fallout 3 Part 3 - Gothroughmaze Square Roots - Episode 420 This time we're finally getting our Nic Cage on and STEALING THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. Also maybe the Bill of Rights and Magna Carta (??). But this requires doing some odd jobs for a robot and keeping Alias's Sydney Bristow alive, which is harder than it sounds. Also: - She Got That Peabody-Ody-Ody - Jeremy Piven's Pyst (And Hot Broadway Goss) - His Power Is Billions of dollars - Neat Comics and Stuff - Teen Talk With Connor This...
Jul 01, 2024•2 hr 22 min•Season 63Ep. 3
Square Roots - Episode 419 Oh boy, there's more Fallout 3! And this time we meet Three Dog, aroo aroo aroooooo! Then we go on a caper to get a radar dish off of a lunar lander. Plus we save a boy from some ants, probably. And meet some rangers! Also: - The Legend of Zelda: Mysteries of Magic - Johnny Mixes up CDI and 3D0 - They had to sit on the Gore Bags - Cheesy Eggs Are So Gay - We've Never Met This Week: Complete Those! and help Three Dog fix Galaxy News Radio! Next Week: Reunite with Daddy!...
Jun 24, 2024•2 hr 21 min•Season 63Ep. 2
Square Roots - Episode 418 So it's now time for a new game! Huzzah! And it's a Fallout! This time we venture to the Capitol Wasteland and everyone is excited to leave the vault and see the world outside. But also Johnny is a magician and Jim has discovered the joys of Andraste's command prompt. Also: - VR Chat Is For Furries - The World's Original Virtual Reality - Walking On Uteruses - The Fallout Stepdad Mod - A Greyer Shade of Brown This Week: Complete Blood Ties and find out where your Dad w...
Jun 17, 2024•2 hr 19 min•Season 63Ep. 1
Square Roots - Episode 417 It's the end of Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth and ALL OUR TAKES ARE SO HOT! Was this game good? Bad? Did it stick the landing? What the hell happened? Listen and find out! Also: - Love Yord Fandlar - Long Pants Get Real Hot - Chadley Is The Architect - Aerith Did A Sliders - A Pride Portal - The Shell Houses Were Iconic - Aerith's Throat Tattoo This Week: Finish Final Fantasy VII Rebirth! Next Week: Complete Blood Ties and find out where your Dad went in Megaton in Fallout 3...
Jun 10, 2024•3 hr 38 min•Season 62Ep. 12
Square Roots - Episode 416 Either this chapter has a HUGE CHANGE THAT PUTS EVERYTHING INTO A BRAND NEW CONTEXT or it has A VERY MINOR CHANGE THAT DOESN'T REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING and depending on who you listen to you may feel it's one or the other. So what is it? You'll have to play through Chapter 13 to find out! Also: - Advent Children: Scotch and Kotch - It's like Sharpening A Pencil - The Return of Leslie, The Boy With The Hat - The Irish Riddler - Miss Remember This Week: Finish Chapter 13, ...
Jun 03, 2024•3 hr 36 min•Season 62Ep. 11
Square Roots - Episode 415 For once the game has some respect for you as you have to search for Dio and a stuffed robocat on this music-filled episode of Square Roots. Aerith drops her single, Jessie does interpretive dance, and Don Corneo's hype men bring early 90s bad TV commercial rapping realness. Also: - The Horse Heresy - Blah Blah Blah Versus Crab Claws - ...Beehicle? - Motorboat Yon Tiddies - Vanessa Tuba Heckles Wedge's Funeral - Like Something On Modern Family - Oh, Chadley's in this? ...
May 27, 2024•3 hr 32 min•Season 62Ep. 10
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 9 - Li'l Grape Nuts Square Roots - Episode 414 Teacher Jim's gone so it's party time on this episode of Square Roots! In this chunker of Final Fantasy VII we head to Nibelheim and find things a little less burnt than anticipated. Also: - - A Whole Lot of X-Men '97 Talk - Vanessa Is Too Lazy To Send 400,000 Emails - Man Has Been Awoken By Long White-Haired Femboys - This Bird's Power Is Piss - Taft Is A Big Boi - Who'd They Make The Giant Pancakes For Then? - I'm G...
May 20, 2024•2 hr 28 min•Season 62Ep. 9
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 8 - Oh No Sweetie, You're Very Stupid Square Roots - Episode 413 Oh boy! Another memorable chunk of Final Fantasy VII expanded, broadened, padded and filled in ways both good, great and kinda okay. Some of us don't like the birds. Some of us love the birds. Meanwhile, Aerith grabs the mic at a Planetology conference, Red XIII turns into an anime protagonist, and Bugenhagen is kind of a jerk. Also: - Tokyo Ghost Drift - Shoving Your Gayness Down Jim's Throat - Wedg...
May 13, 2024•2 hr 48 min•Season 62Ep. 8
Square Roots - Episode 412 On this week's episode of Square Roots we explore the Gongaga region of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth and have one serious question: Did Aerith go to school? She couldn't, right? Because she was in Hojo jail? Was she home schooled? Was she Hojome schooled? We've got the answers for you, so listen and find out! Also: - Yet More Godzilla Movie Talk - Colour and Seduction - Reactors Are For Boys - Is That Bronco Tiny? - More Crisis Core Lore Drops - He Ate That Bird This Wee...
May 06, 2024•2 hr 3 min•Season 62Ep. 7
Square Roots - Episode 411 It's Vanessa's favourite part of the game, and you can easily see why: there's dance battles! Flexing bears! Spooky ooky hotels! Pretend ghosts! Mass shootings! Even more minigames! With Vanessa as this game's hype-woman, how could it go wrong? Also: - Matthew Bad - Twink-Petitors - The Ultimate Cancellation - Galaxy Rangers Is Just Star Fox - Fremen, Short for Frenchmen This Week: Finish Chapter 8, All That Glitters! Next Week: Finish Chapter 9, The Planet Stirs! Our ...
Apr 29, 2024•3 hr 39 min•Season 62Ep. 6
Square Roots - Episode 410 If she only could, Yuffie'd make a deal with Cloud, and they would swap their places. She'd be running up that road, running up that hill, with no problems. Come on, Tifa. Come on, Aerith. Let her steal this materia from you now. But Cloud is too busy with a little headache from the green static of repressed memories to listen, and but at least they can exchange the experience (points). Also: - Sweebos! - I don't Think It's Happiness Good Times - They WRote This In the...
Apr 22, 2024•2 hr 2 min•Season 62Ep. 5
How do you feel about minigames? What about a whole chunker of minigames? Not interested? What if I told you it was a BEACH EPISODE! But a beach episode that only lets you pick out swimwear for three out of four of the humans in your party at the time. Yes, the plot is put on hold for a moment as we park Segways, go on a photo hunt, and play some Doggy Rocket League. Please don't listen past the credits with kids around. You'll understand why. Also: - The Sydney Sweeney of Video Games - Either A...
Apr 15, 2024•3 hr 45 min•Season 62Ep. 4
Square Roots - Episode 408 Shine, shine! It's bald time. Finally us bald folks can see ourselves represented on screen in this rhythm game packed chunker of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth! Plus you can finally donate to a non-Patreon related Matt bank account for some reason and solve a challenging boat puzzle. Also: - Paid in Beefaroni - Bring me pictures of Truman Capote! - Matt the Grumpy Libertarian - Is Japan the Idaho of the world? - Dasmalchian Syndrome This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next We...
Apr 08, 2024•3 hr 33 min•Season 62Ep. 3
Square Roots - Episode 407 Johnny's out so it's another All-American episode, full of America's favourite passtimes: ball punching! Very long X-Men tangents! Chadley! Boob punching? Also: - Midwest Emo - Wrench Cheeseburger - Who's Galactica's Mom? - More Like Pottycast - "I love living in Rocket Town!" Vs "Fuck Shinra!" - Chadley in a Wig This Week: We finish Chapter 3! Next Week: We finish Chapter 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome the...
Apr 01, 2024•3 hr 36 min•Season 62Ep. 2
Square Roots - Episode 406 Square Roots plays a totally new game! Okay, not TOTALLY new. Some of it is a quarter century old. But it's somewhat new! And it just came out! This is different! This is strange! Change is bad! But we're rolling with it. So we are playing Square Enix's Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, and get through the Nibelheim Incident in Chapter 1 and Matt tries to make Sluttiroth happen. Also: - Bones Knitting - Avengers Persona Game For Grownups 😉 - A Perfect Pooping Game - Sexual T...
Mar 25, 2024•2 hr 55 min•Season 62Ep. 1
Bayonetta Part 3 - A Pair of Dorks Square Roots - Episode 405 Johnny doxes everyone in this eventful episode of our Bayonetta playthrough! We finish the game. Questions are answered, except maybe the question "is Bayonetta her own mother?" as Matt refuses to listen to any answer other than "yes". Also finally Johnny is cancelled. Also: - More Like Baldur's Gay - Is Less Than Jake Better Than Ezra? - Jim's Withering Looks to Camera - The Opposite of Gay Panic Is Lesbian Love - Mountain Dew Is Wat...
Mar 18, 2024•2 hr 58 min•Season 61Ep. 3
Square Roots - Episode 404 The Bayonetta loving will continue until podcast output improves. In this glamorous episode of Bayonetta, we feel like f***ing celebrities as we're recognized by weird angel statue robots with Mystery Science Theatre tube arms. And Matt paraphrases an email! Also: - Solid Mike and Naked Mike - An Unpaid Ad for Canva - Nothing Wrong With Using A Parasol To Hit Enemies - Every Game Has To Go To Space - Life Is Like A Passing Breeze This Week: We finish Chapter XI in Bayo...
Mar 11, 2024•2 hr 38 min•Season 61Ep. 2
Bayonetta Part 1 - Lethal Weapon Joe Pesci Square Roots - Episode 403 Hooray! Everyone is loving Bayonetta! Sure, Vanessa is off due to injury and Matthew may be loving it only under duress, but that's good enough. Because loving Bayonetta is MANDATORY. And this week we start out the Platinum Games classic and learn all about the lore of the Lumen Sages, Umbra Witches, and just how close a video game camera can get inside a human body. Also: - Matt Is Rinoa's Mom - Superman is a Big Man - Bluray...
Mar 04, 2024•2 hr 16 min•Season 61Ep. 1
Square Roots - Episode 402 Finally, truly, we are in the age of Dragons. And we've really finished Dragon Age: Inquisition. Sure, we rolled credits last episode, but this one has Super Credits, with extra special Cassandra narration! Plus we may or may not lose a fan favourite character in this chunker, depending on your choices. Also: - No Spiders Man or Lasts of Us - Senshi Upskirt Shots - Weird Christopher Eccleston Hate - Passing Notes in Class - Invernerable Draygons This Week: We Finish Tr...
Feb 26, 2024•3 hr 38 min•Season 60Ep. 8
Square Roots - Episode 401 I don't know how else to say it, but this episode should be kept far from your little ones. Why? Gazzie talk. Just. Lots of gazzie talk. Gazzies everywhere. Wall-to-wall gazzies. I swear that we've got it out of our system and next week you won't ever hear the word Gazzie again. Also: - Sony Has to Make A Game About Miserable People Watching Their Friends Die - Everyone's Favourite Character, Krattos - I Just Made Her Sleep With Alistair Once - Your Favourite Bull's Ch...
Feb 19, 2024•3 hr 37 min•Season 60Ep. 7
Square Roots - Episode 400 We interrupt this season of Square Roots for a very special 400th episode in which we talk about the ups and downs of our nerdy lives since 2016, and constantly try not to get mired in talking about politics. THEN THE ROBOTS ARRIVE! Also: - The Rootin' Rootin' Cowboy! - BLEEP BLOOP GIVE ME THE SLOOP! - Johnny Has A Stupid Game! This Week: We Have A Bonus Time Fun Time Next Week: We Finish the Main Story Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steve...
Feb 12, 2024•59 min•Season 60Ep. 6
Square Roots - Episode 399 Uh oh, it seems like something has turned Johnny into beserker mode, where he's all fists and elbows. And that is Bianca. Johnny goes red-pill in the face of destroyed head canon in this terrifying episode of Square Roots as we drink from the Well of Sorrows. Also: - Could You Sing That Like Dio? - Ghosts Have Birthdays - King Shark, Doo-doo-de-doo-doo - Jim's Secret Fruit Roll-Ups Stash - A Don Knotts Moment - Our Pitch for Frankenmommy This Week: What Pride Has Wroug...
Feb 05, 2024•3 hr 35 min•Season 60Ep. 5
Square Roots - Episode 398 There's mystery afoot as Johnny, Matthew and eventually Vanessa battle some possessed Wardens and fall into the Fade on this magical chunker of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Plus a battering ram shaped like a fist! Also: - Abblegation - Too Good Of A Singer - Countess Undercut - Who Is Celine Dion - 100% Nude Cullen Unlocked This Week: Here Lies the Abyss Next Week: What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodca...
Jan 29, 2024•3 hr 46 min•Season 60Ep. 4
