Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 4: Bon Vi Von Square Roots - Episode 455 Level Up Starts at 01:38:00 Finally the whole squad is back for an episode where we are definitely very good at staying on topic as we get to the strange sci-fi worlds of Chapter 7 and 8 of Sonical Chronicles! There's rock men, goo men, and even robomen! But not Eggman, he stayed home. Also: An Exhaustive Explanation of Julius Pringles Hot Rahul Kohli News Vanessa's Tight Five on Hit Single Your Love Pan's Just ...
The Square Roots crew dives deep into Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood, covering chapters 5 and 6. They dissect the gameplay, story, and characters, while also touching on hot gaming news, personal anecdotes, and even a bit of philosophical debate. Expect tangents, strong opinions, and plenty of laughs as they navigate the sometimes frustrating world of Sonic.
Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 2: A Chat About Eggs, Man Square Roots - Episode 453 Level Up Starts at 01:39:00 Jim's out on a date, so we're gonna be a little insane on this episode Square Roots. Vanessa's on probation, Johnny's gone waffles crazy, and Matt does nothing but read books now. But we're playing what Vanessa calls a Gateway JRPG, Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood by BioWare. Vanessa is kind of Pokécurious, and the Chaos are somehow making it worse. And now we've go...
Square Roots - Episode 452 Level Up Starts at 02:09:00 SEGA and BioWare form the ultimate dream team for our new season of Square Roots! That's right, we're tackling the Sonic RPG Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood and finally we get stylus based controls and dialogue trees in our sonic games! Plus this game has all sorts of deep cuts: there's Vector from Knuckles Chaotix on the 32X! Big the Cat! Cream! Rouge the Bat! Who will be next? Fang the Sniper? Espio the Chameleon? The sky's the limi...
Square Roots - Episode 451 Level Up Starts at 01:27:30 We finally meet Matt's favourite friends, Thief: The Dark Project's Rat Men. Or... are they dinosaurs? This might seem like an easy question, but the more images we get of the supposed rat men, the more questions we have. Like: why do they have a forked tail? Are they monkeys? Why do they sound like Gollum? Also: Thief: The Woodsy Conspiracy The Fluffy Wuffy Sonic Boys The Coaster of the Goblin Soft Like A Woman The Terrible Results Of Our V...
Thief: The Dark Project Part 4 - A Very Whispery Mission Square Roots - Episode 450 Level Up Starts at 01:20:30 This time even the DLC level is pretty great in this penultimate chunker of Thief! It's an eye-poppingly good time as we infiltrate the Hammerites, do chores for a ghost, and go for a surprise night at the opera. Also: - The Gene Shallot of Video Game Hosts - Further Adventures In Jim's Spider Revulsion - Inside Your Mind - Operatic Exposition - It's Not the Lost City, It's *A* Lost Ci...
Square Roots - Episode 449 Level Up Starts at 01:19:45 This time in the sneaky Looking Glass classic game Thief, Johnny, Jim and Matthew tackle some levels! Can you guess which ones are DLC and which were in the original release? Probably? There's a chunk of the city that was lost to a cataclysm, some colour coded mages towers, and a chunk of the city also lost to a cataclysm! Also: - Feet Pix Are Classy, Scat Pix Are Nasty - The Puzzle Is Water - A Matt Situation - Earth Towers Are Easy - Good ...
Square Roots - Episode 448 Level Up Starts at 01:24:20 We're all thieves, and sometimes thieves take their time and don't play to where they say they're going to. So we blasted through missions 4 through 6, which takes us through a fancy mansion, two fancy mansions connected by a sewer, and then a fancy but spooky mansion! Fortunately we make a new friend dripping with moss and friendly good intentions! What could PAWSIBLY go wrong?! Also: - Throw Mommy a Bone! - Vanessa Won't Laugh in Her Speci...
Square Roots - Episode 447 Level Up Starts at 01:44:15 Now that Sea of Stars is over we can promise one thing: no more Garl puns. Now we're on to Thief: The Dark Project by Looking Glass Studios. Enjoy the intense 90s cutscenes! Revell in the developers voicing many side characters! Quiet down your steps with moss arrows! Explode some zombies with holy water! We all approach this early first person sneaker in different ways, so play along and get stealin'! Also: - Feed! That! Algorithm! - TOO GR...
Square Roots - Episode 446 Level Up Starts at 02:03:30! It's a wrap on Sea of Stars this chunker, and someone didn't finish! And it's not who you think! We go through the two endings, talk to some fish, meet a tiger man, and go through a gross castle full of goop and body parts. YEAH! Also: - Garl Interrupted - Garl's Just Want To Have Fun - Who's That Garl? - Garls On Film! - Never Met A Garl Like You Before - Garl, You'll Be A Warrior Cook Soon - Brown-Eyed Garl - California Garls This Week: F...
We are sure that the technical issue that caused the original second half of this episode to be lost won’t be noticed and the transition to the new recording will be seamless. Garl finds himself being the true hero of this game as he now has a near-death vision explaining what he needs to do before he dies. Level Up: 01:48:15 Also: * Squish Squish Squish * A Lot of Feet Talk * I Might Be The Threshold * Gary Busey in “Make Friends With The Devil” * Jim’s second most hated song, Zephyr * Chrono T...
Square Roots - Episode 444 Level Up Starts at 01:36:00! Finally, we return to the Sea of Stars and a lot of stuff happens in this chunker! There's gorilla kids! Elderly enslaved kids! You sail into a mouth! And you get a secret weapon that morphs solstice magic into a [REDACTED] attack! Also: - An Edgier Pac-Man - Don't You Dare Make Fun of Capitalism! - Matt Loves A Good Pear - Mattholics! - "It's Too Late For This One!" - Garl Is The Wheels of Sea of Stars - Vanessa's Personal Mouse War This W...
We decided to drop a special Christmas themed bonus episode for you this week! It's the Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024!!! Join us as we discuss what presents we got for all your favorite RPG characters. We'll be back next week with our regularly scheduled Sea of Stars episode.
Square Roots - Episode 443 Level Up Starts at 02:00:30! It's a Marvel's Captain America: Civil War on this podcast, as Matthew's Dreamatorium Podcast Within A Podcast is squaring off against Johnny's Dreamcast, a podcast within a podcast. But also we played more Sea of Stars! And we got to the big End of Act 1 twist! Gasp! Things change! Allegiences are challenged! A town with a terrible name has been created. Also: - Blue and Jinkos! - Real Magus fight vibes! - Obligatory Joey from Blossom refe...
Square Roots - Episode 442 Level Up Starts at 02:23:18 The adventure truly begins as Johnny joins forces with Matt, Jim and Vanessa to tackle the pressing question about Sea of Stars: What the hell is this Wheels game anyway? Also we meet some fourth wall breaking pirates and fight two separate necromancers. Also: - Garl is the Jimminy Cricket - Johnny Hates The Algorithm - Smeared With Working Designs - Jim Only Knows American Who's Line - A Fun Lil Zomboi - Stonheim Sam This Week: Playing thro...
Square Roots - Episode 441 Level Up Starts At 01:50:15 On this celestial episode of Square Roots, Jim guides Vanessa and Matt through the opening of 2023's beloved throwback style RPG, Sea of Stars. That's right: Vanessa plays a pixel game like some kind of baby, and it doesn't make her feel better when the game just keeps on the baby-themes for the first half hour or so. But will these special babies birthed by a moon stork save the day, or will they need Garl and his big Ramus energy? Also: - ...
Square Roots - American Thanksgiving Bonus On this Square Roots, we're going to learn how to say no to drugs when a 8 year old tries to give you free weed. Or how you'll deflate like a balloon on your couch. Wait, no, that's not what we do on this episode. On this episode we look at sixteen birds - 15 of which are from Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth so be aware of mild FF7 Rebirth spoilers. This Week: Enjoy a lovely game of Would You Eat This Bird?! Next Week: Meet the Elder Mist! Our Patreon: http://p...
Square Roots - Episode 440 Level Up Starts at 1:47:45! Today is all about silly funny fun. There's goofy fun adventures, and our bestest princess of light and good and low chaos allows an old man to continue to live tied to machines and under the control of his slightly mad nurse. She also helps an unconscious woman have her dream wedding with a corpse. ALL IN THE NAME OF GOOD! - Daud Puts the U into Dad - Splinter, Dead, Dura and Soft Cells - You Can't Get A Canal - The Truth Of The Dressmaker ...
Dishonored Part 5: Big Lesbian Energy Square Roots Episode 439 This ep has a LOT of positive energy! We're all in a GREAT mood! Too much talk about labias Imperial Majesty Vanessa Hot Gay News! Johnny pulls a real life Mr. Bean and plays the wrong DLC EVERYTHING IS AWESOME This Week: Knife of Dunwall Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorri...
Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert? Square Roots - Episode 438 Level Up Starts at 1:55:00! Apologies to Italy, again. There are disparaging remarks made on whether Johnny did or did not finish Dishonored. These are all fabrications. Johnny has submitted video evidence to the Facegroup Group. He has the cheevos to prove it. These accusations are flagrant. They're idolatrous. And they are wrong. - Paul-i-tics - Laurie Metcalf for Mortal Kombat - Matt Is Lost in the...
Square Roots - Episode 437 Level Up Starts at 2:01:33! Finally, we get to go to a party! And what a party it is. Lady Boyle sure had a blast in Jim's game. It was one hot party! Her outfit was straight fire! Jim shot her with incendiary bullets! Also Johnny and Vanessa do some ethical kidnapping, and Matthew is sad he didn't just kill all three sisters. Oh yeah, and we deal with the Lord Regent! - It's A Part in Canada! - Some Sisters Are Triplets! - Doxxxed! - Yeah But It's Webber... - YOU CAN ...
Square Roots - Episode 436 Level Up Starts at 1:56:45! Don't worry if you tranq'd the dogs like Matt did, the dogs are fine! They were just asleep, and now they're at big farms in Tyria where the dogs can run and play! Such are the cruel realities of Dishonored, the Arkane Studios immersive funulator! - Lactaid is the PreP of the Dairy World - Let Me Solas Him - Vanessa Doesn't Like To Acknowledge The Passage of Time - There's A Scary in the Sewer - Are Ill People Zombies? - More Of A Johnny Eng...
Square Roots - Episode 435 Level Up Starts at 2:44:00! Matthew defeated nature and survived another hurricane, and we start a new game! This time it's the classic RPG (?) Dishonored, one of those immersive sims. Or 0451 games. Whatever you want to call it! We don't follow the Five Foot Rule of murders, get into jail, get out of jail, navigate some sewers and then deal with the High Overseer! - Upgrade Your Rat Stats - Gen Z doesnt even know what Planescape Is - It's not the request log - Johnny'...
Square Roots - Episode 434 Level Up Starts at 2:07:45! I was thinking about making this episode description in the style of the Rob Zombie song, but that was too hard. Also? The lyrics are pretty weird. "Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat, tender is the fur, dying as you purr"? Alright there Robert. BUT! On this chunker we finish Tactics Ogre! All of us! Surprisingly. Some of us are crowned king! Some of us go on exploring! Some of us get shot! There's a lot of options for endings here at Tac...
It's a hurricane ep! Matt needs a week off due to weather (coughfootballcough) so the Square Roots gang plays some games and chats about hot gaming news. We will be back next week for the end of Tactics Ogre! This Week: Hot nonsense! Next Week: Finish Tactics Ogre! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square...
Square Roots - Episode 432 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:21:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. Vanessa and Matthew fail at rescuing the princess, who is still a bit stabby. Will Johnny rescue her? Find out next episode because Johnny was about six fights behind. THIS IS A LONG GAME OKAY Also: - Talking About How Terrible The Game AI Is, And Also Adaptive Cruise Control And Other Automotive Saf...
Square Roots - Episode 431 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:13:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. On this stabby chunker of Tactics Ogre, the game has gone full Matsuno. Everyone's getting stabbed. The Hierophant's got a knife. Vyce has a knife. Knives everywhere, and lots of people with political grievances. Denam needs a +5 Suit Of No Stabby to get through this one unscathed. Also: - Final Fant...
Square Roots - Episode 430 Matt, Vanessa and Johnny pursue a Jimless chunker as they take a castle for the noble Wallisters! Or maybe for the evil Wallisters. Kind of depends on how you play it. Johnny gets a good time route full of fun banter while Matt and Vanessa are punished for their morality by having to explain to a guy why they killed his wife. Also: - The Taskmaster Cult - Vanessa Ruins Master Chef Kids - Johnny Gemini, Future Cop - Lanselot (Good) - Return of Garbage Orphans - Mega Man...
Square Roots - Episode 429 There's so much sports talk at the end of this episode. You've been warned. But otherwise on this episode of Square Roots we make our way through Chapter 2 in Tactics Ogre: Reborn! Jim, Vanessa and Matt are doing the chaos path, meanwhile Johnny is doing the Lawful path on Let Us Cling Together, which he may or may not regret. Also: - Matt Has All The Powers Of A Cellphone Now - Deborah! I'm an Ogre! - Always On The Short List - Pete Gallagher With The Eyebrows - Feet ...
Square Roots - Episode 428 Are you ready for a sublime experience of RPG tactics? What I got for you this week is a quick li'l episode of the Square classic Tactics Ogre, and you don't have to practice Santeria to understand that this means Vanessa had to call in sick. But that's okay! Also: - New Thing Matt Hates: Steam Charts - The DreamCast: Improvising Beastie Boy lyrics - A Life Sized Hank Hill Cutout - Who Doesn't He Think Are Weiners? - Why Are We Friends With Him? - Gastophone the Murder...
