If you’ve never been bullied, you’ve at least known a bully or seen one in action. And a teenage bully with the internet and a cell phone at their disposal is about as bad as it gets. Teens and tweens are still gradually learning to have empathy for others – it’s not an innate ability. That’s one of the reasons we see kids treat each other so badly, so often. And, again, the internet just makes it that much easier to be a bully. The statistics are pretty grim. At least somewhere close to half of...
Jan 10, 2023•44 min
Be sure to first listen to episode 32 , Teens, Sexting, Revenge Porn, and Sextortion (Yikes), before coming back here to episode 33. Last week we learned about teens, sexting, revenge porn, and sextortion. And in the first part of today’s episode, we’ll discuss how to talk to them about these issues (see download below). In the second part of the episode, we’ll talk about the potential legal ramifications for teens who choose to sext, including the very real possibility of being charged with pos...
Jan 03, 2023•47 min
It appears that at least 15% of teens have sent a "sext" and at least 27% have received (at least) one. And 90% of teens and tweens believe that most everyone else is sexting. The scientific data on this issue is still in its infancy (as is the phenomenon itself) but from all appearances, many teens accept this new form of communication as part of their sexual exploration. It also appears our teens are fully aware of the risks but continue to do it anyway (like many other risky activities). Reve...
Dec 27, 2022•41 min
Becoming the parent we want to be can seem daunting when we’re learning a new way of thinking or feeling or acting (or all three). Learning to parent without fear, remembering to acknowledge their feelings, to listen to their opinions, to negotiate, to hold back on our advice and our instinct to jump in and fix things for them…it can be extremely difficult for some of us. Just remembering what to do or say in the moment can be confusing and cause us just to give up and default to our “old ways”....
Dec 20, 2022•14 min
Our various mindsets, the lens’ through which we interpret our world, not only influence our parenting but greatly impact the relationship with our teens and tweens and the way they think and behave. There’s a lot of talk about how important a “growth mindset” is for our kids and teenagers. But what about our mindsets? A parent’s mindsets are critical to their kids’ overall wellbeing. We’ll talk about the specific mindsets we should adopt, and many we need to ditch to parent adolescents successf...
Dec 13, 2022•45 min
Speaking of Teens is sponsored by https://neurogility.com , an organization I founded after our family went through a couple of difficult years with our teenage son who struggled with ADHD, learning issues, horrible anxiety, major depression and all the associated academic, social, self-medication, legal and behavior issues. When we finally got on the right track, I decided to learn everything I could about the science of parenting adolescents so I could help you avoid the common parenting mista...
Dec 06, 2022•7 min
How much faith should you have in your teen’s mental health diagnosis? Exactly how does someone diagnose a mental health disorder like generalized anxiety, major depression, or bipolar disorder in a tween or teen? Who can make these diagnoses and upon what basis do they make these weighty decisions? When we ask a professional to assess or evaluate our teen or tween for a possible mental health issue, we simply trust that they’ll give us the correct diagnosis – that they have the training, the ex...
Nov 29, 2022•51 min
I’m recording episodes every other week between now and the end of the year, but I wanted to tell you what’s been on my mind this week. I’ll be back next Tuesday the 29th with another full episode. If you’re in the US, have a Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for listening! Show Notes Find our FREE Parenting Guides Here "I just wanted to let you know that I'm so thankful for your podcast! ...I'm so happy I discovered it!" Speaking of Teens Listener ^If you feel the same way, please consider ratin...
Nov 22, 2022•6 min
Have you ever wanted to peer into your teen’s brain and see exactly what they were thinking? While they can be pretty darn “vocal” when they’re upset, they’re most often unable to fully articulate what they really want you to understand. Often, however, they’re able to write about it later or talk to another adult about it…and that’s what I’ve got for you today - the skinny on what our teens and tweens really want us to get through our thick skulls! I scoured the blogosphere and read posts writt...
Nov 15, 2022•33 min
Teens, tweens and “young adults” (all adolescents ) are some of the most emotional creatures on earth! Not only is their brain wired for automatic negative emotions (with no thinking required) but they are also very prone to automatic negative thoughts, which also lead to negative emotions. And negative emotions lead to negative behaviors like the typical sulking, yelling, door-slamming (and worse) we see quite often. These negative thoughts can be totally irrational and just plain wrong and are...
Nov 08, 2022•46 min
I was going to try and push through my flu to record an episode for today but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I have a quick personal message. Thank you for your patience and I'll be back next week (fingers crossed). Speaking of Teens is sponsored by https://neurogility.com , an organization I founded after our family went through a couple of difficult years with our teenage son who struggled with ADHD, learning issues, horrible anxiety, major depression and all the associated academic, social, ...
Nov 01, 2022•6 min
Maintaining a deep emotional connection with our child is not just important for our relationship, it’s critical in keeping them mentally healthy and physically safe. Our influence with them now depends on that connection. We no longer have as much control over their life. All of our influence in the way they think, feel, and behave lies in our connection with them. Today we’ll talk about some of the most import ways to maintain your emotional connection with your child throughout adolescence. S...
Oct 25, 2022•40 min
NOTE: If you haven’t listened to Part 1 - Episode 24, I recommend that you stop here and go back and listen and then come back and listen to this Episode 25. Last week in Part 1, we examined the backdrop of societal and cultural issues, social norms, gender stereotypes and the justice system that combine to make sexual harassment and sexual violence the norm among our teenagers. Today we’ll dig deeper into the level of sexual harassment in our schools, the discussions we’ve overlooked having wit...
Oct 18, 2022•47 min
The topic of consent is so multifaceted and complex, one episode just won’t do it justice. Before we can talk to our teenagers about consent, what it means, how you get it and how you give it, we really need to understand the bigger issues at play and what we’re up against. We must examine the backdrop of societal and cultural issues, social norms, gender stereotypes and the justice system that combine to make sexual harassment and sexual violence the norm. Our teens not only operate within this...
Oct 11, 2022•45 min
#23: Popularity, Friend Groups, and “Mean Girl Behavior” For adolescents, especially younger adolescents (tweens, middle schoolers, and even younger) being accepted into “the group” is THE most important thing on their radar. Their brains are wired to seek acceptance from their peers, and it literally feels like a life and death situation. These social issues are extremely complicated for teens and tweens. From individual manipulation, social maneuvering, and constant stress – they deal with it ...
Oct 04, 2022•44 min
“Discipline” is actually not what most of us think. It’s not about control, obedience, punishment or focused on consequences. Discipline is actually about teaching – teaching our kids the skills they lack and those they’ll need to be independent, mentally stable, and “successful” adults. It’s about setting high expectations, clear and consistent limits and boundaries, in a respectful and loving way, being empathetic, listening to them, acknowledging their feelings, and connecting emotionally bef...
Sep 27, 2022•33 min
Risky behavior is inherent in teens and tweens. Risk taking is a necessary part of growing up and learning to be independent. But many of these risks could literally cost them their life. Using drugs is one of those life endangering activities, especially with more and more illicit fentanyl being introduced into the drug supply by Mexican drug cartels. According to the DEA, these cartels illicitly manufacture the extremely potent, and potentially deadly synthetic opioid in clandestine “laborator...
Sep 20, 2022•54 min
Not exactly a deep topic but anxiety-provoking, nonetheless. Of course, teens need money, but should we just hand it out on an “as needed” basis or actually give them a certain amount each week or month (an “allowance”)? If we give them an allowance, how much do we give? Should the allowance be tied to performance (chores, grades, behavior) or paid completely independently? How often should allowance be paid? How should it be paid? Do we tell them how to spend it? What if they run out? What if t...
Sep 13, 2022•23 min
There’s just no other way to look at it. It’s a horrible, potentially debilitating monster that grabs hold of someone and hangs on for dear life. And if that someone is your child…it can completely turn your world upside down. If you or one of your kids has suffered from it, you know what I mean. If not, then you’re still wise to listen to this episode because the likelihood you’ll have a brush with this disorder at some point is pretty high. Today, we’re going to talk about why anxiety happens ...
Sep 06, 2022•56 min
Last week I decided I wanted to draft a “Bill of Rights” for adolescents – a set of overarching guiding principles for parenting them effectively (with less drama, fewer power struggles, more autonomy, independence, and emotional intelligence). As I searched the topic, I found a New York Times article from 1945 that was amazingly on point (and very entertaining!) With just a few minor updates, I’ve managed to bring expert guidance from over a three-quarters of a century ago, into the 21st centur...
Aug 30, 2022•40 min
National Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474 It’s far too likely that your son or daughter will, at some point in their teens, be in a relationship with someone who abuses them emotionally, or in which they abuse their partner emotionally. We often think of abuse as only physical or sexual - but it’s the emotional abuse that is the most common and works behind the scenes to keep the victim under the perpetrator’s control. And although this type of abuse is extremely harmful to a teen’s mental h...
Aug 23, 2022•30 min
In last week’s episode we discussed the inevitable conflict with your teen or tween is as they push for more autonomy while you try to maintain the correct amount of parental control. And we discovered the element of relatedness is the key to finding balance. If you’ll recall, relatedness simply means (in a nutshell) that your teen feels free to give their honest opinions and share information with you and that you will listen, empathize, and consider what they have to say without freaking out o...
Aug 16, 2022•38 min
One of the primary indicators that your child has become an adolescent is the increase in the amount of conflict you begin to have with them. Some conflict is inevitable as they begin pushing for more and more autonomy while you try to maintain a certain level of control. It can be a real challenge to balance your desire to keep them safe and help them be successful with their ever-growing need to have a say in their own life. They key is the way you handle the conflict. In this episode I’ll exp...
Aug 09, 2022•27 min
Overparenting (aka “helicopter parenting”) might not be exactly what you think. It’s much more common now, in our high-pressure society, than ever before. You may be doing it and not even realize. Afterall, you’re an involved and supportive parent, what’s wrong with that? Join me as I tell you: · how science draws the line between supportive parent and helicopter parent, · why we “hover” over our teens, · what effect it has on our teens as they move into adulthood, · how to stop, and · what to d...
Aug 02, 2022•28 min
Am I the only mom who didn’t realize many of my son’s emotional outbursts were symptoms of his ADHD? The doctors and psychiatrists don’t talk about it and “emotional dysregulation” isn’t even listed as a symptom of ADHD in the DSM-5. We focus so much on the way ADHD impacts their academic performance, but emotional dysregulation takes an enormous toll on every facet of their life. So, it’s crucial that we address this issue and help them learn how to become more aware of and how to regulate thes...
Jul 26, 2022•37 min
NOTE: If you haven’t listened to episode #11, it’s not completely necessary but does provide an excellent foundation for today’s episode. Many parents struggle with how to best handle alcohol use in their teenagers. It’s hard not to feel that drinking alcohol is simply inevitable at their age. This mindset leads some parents to attempt to teach their kids “responsible drinking” at home (See episode #11). In fact, a large number of parents decide to turn a blind eye when alcohol is present at the...
Jul 17, 2022•22 min
In Western societies it seems teenagers are almost expected to drink at some point. While most parents don’t approve, some do feel it’s best if they’re the one to introduce alcohol to their kid rather than leaving it to someone else. What do you think? Don’t jump to any conclusions. Join me as I review the science and then you can decide for yourself. Show Notes and Transcript Find our FREE Parenting Guides Here "I just wanted to let you know that I'm so thankful for your podcast! ...I'm so happ...
Jul 12, 2022•27 min
Our son struggled with anxiety and major depression during his teen years and began self-medicating and acting out in ways that literally put his life in danger. His behavior completely baffled us. We just couldn’t understand what was happening or how to help him change course. Whether you have a child who’s exploding with negative emotion, having a difficult time with their mental health, misusing drugs, or alcohol, or is simply difficult to communicate with, this episode’s for you. When we wer...
Jul 05, 2022•41 min
Adolescent mental health has been in steady decline for years and we all know the pandemic was the cherry on top. Schools are in a prime position to help improve our teens’ mental health by integrating the right programs and services and eliminating harmful policies. Schools need more mental health professionals on staff Gaps should be filled by teachers educated in mental health issues and techniques to improve emotional regulation in their students Students should receive social and emotional ...
Jun 28, 2022•37 min
Studies show that our level of emotional intelligence (“EQ”) directly affects our parenting skills and our relationship with our children and teenagers. The greater our EQ, the better our relationship is with them, the better adapted they are and the better their emotional development, mental health, and wellbeing. And foundational to EQ is emotional awareness and emotional regulation. Listen as I explain: · emotional intelligence · emotional awareness and regulation · EQ’s connection to parenti...
Jun 14, 2022•38 min
