Hello and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, Jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationships you deserve. Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs and boundaries without having it blow up in your face?
Speak Honest. Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths, and honest conversations. Now let's dive in. Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. Today's episode, we are actually going to mix things up. Things up a little bit.
Usually around this time, I would have a coaching call where I take a client through a challenging situation or a goal they want to accomplish, but today I thought I would mix it up and I wanted to talk to another coach that I know. So some of you might know this already, but I come from a group of coaches in the integrated attachment theory program.
That is the program that Thais Gibson created through her personal development school, beautiful, beautiful program. I talked about it in the last episode when I was. Talking about relationship coaching. Do I think that it is lacking in some places? Yeah, absolutely, because I like to be really honest about that.
But it jumpstarted my entire passion for wanting to become a relationship coach. And for that, I will be forever grateful. And the amount of coaches that I know, the friends I have developed because of this course, it's unlike any other coaching course I've ever been a part of. The community is amazing.
And in that community, one of them, we are going to talk to today, and that is Bev, I will let Bev speak for herself and introduce herself later on in the episode, but I just wanted to give you all a little idea of what we're gonna be talking about. So we talk a little bit about attachment styles, but because both Bev and I kind of do this for a living, we didn't really need to talk about it too much.
But for those of you who might be confused, remember there's four attachment styles, anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure. Secure is the healthy attachment style that we want to have. That's the good type of relationship. Remember the smooth waltz, if you will. The one where we're gliding along the dance floor with our partner with ease and comfort.
But then we have anxious, which is more of the Salsa of uncertainty, which is the partner is so preoccupied with what's going on with their partner. They have high hypervigilance, which we also get into on the call. And then we have avoidance, which is the solo tango. That's the person who pushes people away a lot.
And of course we have disorganized. The fun one, the pendulum swing dance, the one where there is a push pull dynamic constantly happening within the person who has the disorganized attachment. And if you have two people with a disorganized attachment, you'll be experiencing a lot of pushing and pulling.
So in my conversation with Bev, we talk a lot about the integrated attachment theory, the IAT program, as we call it, as well as a fearful avoidance, which is also another name for disorganized attachment. So I'm trying to kind of come up with all of these, you know, inside baseball terms that her and I use during the podcast.
So as you're listening, it makes sense. But if you are listening to us chat and there's something you don't understand, let me know. Reach out to me anytime. Email, Instagram, Facebook, and I can explain that to you. Or join my Facebook group. Go on to Facebook and search up Speak Honest or the link will be in the show notes.
Always in the show notes. Always look in those show notes. I put so much stuff in those show notes. And so please, please join my Facebook group. It's a really beautiful place for women like you who are looking to better their relationships. Is your communication with your husband just in shambles and It seems like the more you try to communicate, the worst things actually get.
That is my favorite type of client, to be honest, because that is where I excel the most. And I would love to talk to you about that, but for right now, let's go ahead and get started with our conversation with Bev.
Jenn Noble (00:02.795)
Hello everyone. Today I am so excited to actually get to mix things up a little bit on the podcast this week. And instead of having a client come on and I'm going to coach them, I'm actually going to have on a fellow coach. I've been really excited to get to talk to her for a while now and all the things that she's been doing and growing. And so I will go ahead and pass this off to Bev. Bev, I would love for you to say hi and introduce yourself.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (00:24.376)
Thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here. My name is Bev Minelman and just like you, Jen, I'm a certified attachment practitioner or coach. I found this work through Tyese Gibson and the Personal Development School years ago now when she had first launched the school and it was incredibly impactful for me from a personal standpoint. And so once I started understanding this, I just, I knew I had to learn more.
and I had worked many years in personal development, but at some point I said I'm gonna make this my focus because it was so impactful. So thank you, thank you for having me on.
Jenn Noble (01:06.923)
I'd love to hear that. Can you tell us a little bit more about your background? What were you doing before you found the integrated attachment program?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (01:13.624)
Yeah, I'd be happy to talk about that. So my primary background, I have a master's in education and I had worked for about 25 years or so in the field of professional development. So the work I was doing was very tangential to personal growth. I mean, I was working more in the corporate sector and in the nonprofit sector, developing and delivering training sessions on, you know, communications in the workplace.
on diversity acceptance, like these types of softer topics which are very much related to the work that we also do in attachment styles, right? For example.
Jenn Noble (01:55.467)
Yeah, that sounds like a really beautiful transition to kind of just kind of keep moving forward and now you're doing something it sounds like you really love to do. What brought you from leaving what you were previously doing into kind of this entrepreneurial business owner type job that you have now?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (02:14.36)
It's such a great question. My decision was driven by purpose. You know, I had reached a certain level in my career. I was working an executive job. I had also worked for years as a professor. I used to live in another city, so two major universities. And I had done that work. And I felt like there was another calling. And so this was, as you pointed out, a real challenge.
Jenn Noble (02:21.227)
Hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (02:45.642)
really nice transition and it allowed me to step into the role of really, I would say, serving my purpose. And it goes back to this work in attachment styles being so significant in terms of changing my life in the way that I greatly benefited from it and I was like, other people have to learn about this.
Jenn Noble (03:10.923)
Yeah, I heard you say earlier that it was really impactful to you. I'd love to dive into that a bit more. Tell me about that impact.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (03:17.496)
Sure. And so this gets very personal. I had come from a very difficult childhood, as many of our clients will often share with us. And...
Jenn Noble (03:31.115)
And many of the coaches are also the same way, right? It's what brings us to this world. So yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (03:36.792)
Yeah, that is so true. And so just by luck, years ago, I found one of Ty Ease's videos on YouTube and I watched it and I said, my gosh, that just makes so much sense. So that was sort of the starting point. But prior to discovering this work, I had always invested in my own personal growth. I wanted to understand why didn't I feel well? And when I say feel well, I had been played most of my life,
by anxiety and my doctors, you know, they called it generalized anxiety and they gave me pills and they told me to see a therapist and I did. I had gone to therapist after therapist and I tried different modalities like CBT, I tried EMDR which is a trauma -based therapy, inner child work, like you name it and...
Jenn Noble (04:30.059)
You've just got all the, you're like the modality is down. Yeah, I love this.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (04:33.592)
Yeah, I mean, so like what's so amazing about this is that I knew I could find an answer, but I hadn't yet found it. And I sort of tried all these different things. And at the end of the day, I got to a place where I could say, all right, I understand where my trauma is coming from, but how do I now move past it? How do I because as much as I understand the challenges I had in my own childhood,
Jenn Noble (04:57.515)
you
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (05:03.498)
Why am I still today experiencing anxiety and how can I release myself from this? Like I still after all the therapy didn't feel better. Right?
Jenn Noble (05:15.787)
Yeah, I hear that so much. I mean, myself, been through so much therapy since I've been in like, since I was 17, I'm turning 40 and, you know, by the time this airs, I'll probably be 40. But yeah, how long is that? That's over 20 years of just therapy and trying all these different modalities. And it's like, nothing seems to be sticking, right? Or there seems to be this almost level of shame because we're not healed yet. I hear that a lot from clients.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (05:40.376)
I do too. And I honestly think that's what probably makes us relatable as coaches and practitioners is that I didn't just learn this from a book. And you and I went through the same training program and exam. And so there was an academic component, but I really did live this. Right. So at the end of the day, I was trying to figure out how do I move past this point of anxiety and not feeling well. And I really
Jenn Noble (06:00.651)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (06:10.282)
I didn't understand my own emotional patterns. And even something as simple as being hypervigilant, I always felt on edge. I was extremely hypervigilant. I'm always looking over, or I was at least, always looking over my shoulder. I couldn't trust people. I felt uncomfortable in crowds. And I would explain this to a doctor and they would say, generalized anxiety.
Jenn Noble (06:38.155)
Yeah, I mean, at least they're telling you that. They're not just like, hey, you're on your period, go take some Advil, right? That's usually what happens to us women. I'd love to double back real quick. Can you, in your own words, explain hypervigilance? Because sometimes people are listening, and we use these colloquial terms a lot, like FAs, or fearful avoidance, or hypervigilance and limerence. And then I'm starting to get a lot of understanding for people who are listening in that they're like, I don't know what this means. And so I can explain it to them in another podcast. But I think it's so important.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (07:02.488)
Mmm.
Jenn Noble (07:07.275)
that people hear this kind of advice or this kind of knowledge from multiple sources throughout the points of their life. So they're not stuck on one coach or one higher up person who's writing books or one therapist. And so I'd love to hear you tell me more about the hypervigilance, what it means and how other people might be experiencing it themselves.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (07:27.928)
Thank you for asking that question. It really is a great question. So I did spend most of my life as a fearful avoidance. And I would never say I'm healed in an absolute. There is a journey. I know that I've made great progress. And I know that I feel much better. That's my barometer. So hypervigilance for me and for all fearful avoidance, it's a very common characteristic or trait. Or as I say,
a skill that we learned from childhood.
Jenn Noble (08:01.087)
I love that, a skill. What a great reframe, because so many people will talk about it in a negative light. But I love this skill. That's beautiful.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (08:07.96)
Thank you. And I do believe that it was developed as a skill when I was very young for survival. So in my household, unfortunately, there was an extreme amount of chaos, which meant that on any given day, I didn't know what was going to happen next. I didn't know in the morning when I would open my bedroom door what was waiting for me on the other side. And so I woke up in a nervous state.
and I would open the door from a young child and I learnt to read people's temperaments and their moods very quickly. Because if, for example, Dad was in a mood, I knew to stay away from him because I might suffer consequences. If Mom was crying, I knew that I had to lay low or she was going to blame me. It became about survival.
Jenn Noble (09:04.043)
Exactly, and people might not even realize this, but I bet you could even tell based on their footsteps. Like before you would even go down the stairs or before you even saw them, right? That's the kind of hypervigilance us disorganized folks have. It's almost like we are Sherlock Holmes. Do you know what I mean? It's almost like I can tell dad's walking heavier, which means he's really pissed off. And mom, I hear her breathing over there, which means she's scared of him right now, which means I'm actually gonna go back in my room and that's how we stay safe. You see how that gets developed?
It's so intense, but now we do it. Yeah. But now it starts to happen in relationships where our husband or our boyfriend doesn't text us back right away, or he stays later at work. And that hypervigilance, which used to keep us safe, it's now having the opposite effect, isn't it? Sometimes, if we don't know how to hone it.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (09:33.368)
It's so amazing.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (09:53.848)
I think that's the key. So there was a point in time that I wasn't even aware I was doing this. Until you start actually applying critical thought to your own patterns, you're not even aware that these are just patterns. It's like, that's all you know. This is how you've always behaved. You've never even questioned it. So I can actually, I got so good at the hypervigilance thing that I actually could even read an energy, a mood.
Jenn Noble (09:56.139)
Hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (10:23.754)
in the house, right? And that told me, get out of the house, stay in the house, this extended into adolescence, and of course into adulthood. And so I can still to this day walk into a room and read the temperament of the room real quick. And so that's why I say it's a skill, because I can, some people will say, I'm very empathetic, I feel people, and I always say, I'm not sure it's empathy that you're feeling.
Jenn Noble (10:43.083)
Yeah.
Jenn Noble (10:53.707)
Yeah, hypervigilance, high sensitivity, empath. These three is like a triangle. It's like the Trinity of, you know, trauma. And so having any one of these, whether you consider yourself an empath, whether you consider yourself a highly sensitive person, or whether you think you have hypervigilance, I have to say all three of those are very similar. They're all coming from a similar aspect. And even those of us with hypervigilance,
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (11:03.256)
Yeah, yeah, right?
Jenn Noble (11:19.275)
we probably were built with a bit of more sensitivity than others. Because other people can go through similar traumas that we have and they don't have it. So if we start off sensitive and then we kind of take that on and we take on the emotions of our family or our parents, yeah, that hypervigilance is going to build. And so it's okay to just kind of notice and accept that about ourselves too. Cause I know, well, let me know your thought on this. A lot of people think of sensitivity or I'm so sensitive as like a weakness, as like a disempowerment.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (11:48.376)
I see all of that discussion online and social media too and I would strongly disagree. I think sensitivity again is a gift. To be able to connect and understand another person, to understand their mood, their temperament, their emotions, if we're talking about empathy, that's absolutely a gift. Now, if we are not
Jenn Noble (12:01.131)
It really is.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (12:18.282)
aware of it and it is giving us false data and we're acting on the false data because we're not saying hold on a minute is this perceived or is this real because
Jenn Noble (12:22.475)
Hmm.
Jenn Noble (12:29.291)
This is a great question. I would love to shift into hypervigilance with intuition. So many people are always saying, but how do I trust my intuition? Or I knew he was cheating and then I found out and I'm always right. So if that, my intuition is almost always right, so shouldn't I have that? But I'd love to hear from you with this hypervigilance in intuition. How can someone kind of differentiate?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (12:56.216)
You know, they go hand in hand, right? So folks who would call themselves more sensitive will have a stronger intuition.
Some people are conditioned to ignore their intuition, but I have personally found that my intuition most of the time guides me well. And I know that, again, because I call it a skill, to be able to read someone and their intention vis -a -vis me, are they a threat, are they not a threat, that generally serves me well. In the case that I'm unsure, that's where I will seek clarity.
Jenn Noble (13:37.611)
That's really beautiful. I like how there is almost a level of acceptance and humbleness that comes with, I don't know. And then that's when you go and you seek it out a little bit more. I love that.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (13:48.376)
Yeah, and I will be honest about that, you know? So, for example, I was married a very long time. I was married 23 years. I've been separated now for three years. And I have, I'm 48 years old now, so now I'm back in the dating market. I mean, Jen, if you could only imagine, because the world has changed. And I...
Jenn Noble (14:07.819)
Love it, love it, yes. At your prime, this is great. A lot, a lot. In the last, yeah, 26, you were married for 23, you've been separated or so for three. So 26 years ago, yeah, just a bit.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (14:23.736)
Okay, so, I mean, I met my husband in 1997. So...
Jenn Noble (14:28.587)
my gosh. We were still like using AOL then. So like, yeah. And now we have like Tinder and Bumble and all of these things to go off of. totally.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (14:34.648)
I remember dial -up, I do. Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (14:41.56)
Yeah, which is so interesting. So I mean, we could have a whole conversation about dating and midlife and all of that.
Jenn Noble (14:44.843)
Yeah, y 'all maybe I actually have to have you back to help because so many people are like, how do I date? How do I do this in this climate nowadays? That's a great, great question. But okay, so you got a divorce and you've been separated now or divorced for three years. And are you wanting to get back in the dating world? that's great.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (14:52.536)
Right? Right?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (14:59.384)
Yeah. I -
And I bring this into conversation because I was going to connect back to that hypervigilance. Because another characteristic of folks who are fearful avoidant is it is hard for us to trust, right? There's that core wound of I will be betrayed. Because we couldn't trust the folks who were closest to us, our parents in my case, to treat us with respect, to be attentive.
Jenn Noble (15:09.323)
Yeah, perfect.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (15:32.554)
to our emotional needs, we couldn't trust this at all. And so to actually establish trust with someone new is really difficult. And I do find that sometimes my hypervigilance keeps me on guard. And in certain situations, sometimes too guarded. So, which is okay, but I will ask a question, for example, of my dates, you know.
If there's something they did or said that made me feel uncomfortable or distrustful of them, I'll say, I'm getting a feeling here and I may be wrong, but can you tell me why you did this? And so...
Jenn Noble (16:14.103)
I love that, that you're communicating that going forward. You don't just feel like, they did something I don't like and now I'm gonna go run away kind of thing. Like you're going towards it and communicating. That's beautiful.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (16:24.504)
Thank you. I think the one thing that I've really learned from this work and from my clients is you really don't know what's going on in someone else's mind. Like you really.
Jenn Noble (16:33.219)
my God, that's so true, yeah. And trying to guess it will just make you go, yeah, like, wow.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (16:39.608)
And so what I've really discovered in this work, and again, working with my clients, what they've taught me is that us as people, as humans, we are so prolific, so good at making up stories.
Jenn Noble (16:53.419)
really are.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (16:54.104)
We really are and in interpreting things through our lens, which the other person has no idea how we've interpreted whatever they've said. And so it's been really helpful for me to go, this is how I'm interpreting what you're saying. It is making me feel distrustful, but I'd rather you just explain it to me.
Jenn Noble (17:16.299)
And how has that been going for you? How have your partners in those moments or your dates been receptive to that?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (17:23.)
generally very well. Because I think what happens is that as a society we're very used to people reacting.
Jenn Noble (17:24.651)
Right, okay.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (17:31.768)
Right? It's like I say something and then someone reacts because they think I had a tone or I'm being snarky or I'm intending to harm them. And then all of a sudden you're like, well, why would you speak to me that way? Well, you spoke to me that way first. We almost assume a malintent. And so I think that it's.
Jenn Noble (17:31.787)
Mm.
Jenn Noble (17:51.019)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (17:55.928)
It's important and it's welcomed when you say, what did you mean by that? But not in a blaming way, in a real compassionate, you know, curious way. Tell me what you meant.
Jenn Noble (18:08.427)
Yeah. And you have to get there because you've done the work on the back end to not have taken what they said personally, right? Because we could sit here and tell our clients all day, every day, just ask questions, get curious, you know, just it's okay. You know, you can just talk, you can communicate. But if your body and your mind and your emotions think that whatever it is he just said was a slight against you, you physically won't be able to get curious, will you? You're
your prefrontal cortex is gonna shut down, you're gonna go into ape mode and you're probably gonna snap back or you're gonna get passive aggressive or you're gonna appease and smile until the end of the date and then you're gonna ghost them later. So that work on the back end, it must have been so much for you to get to this place now where you hear them say something and then you're like, wait a second, like that's a really wonderful place to be.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (18:49.752)
I mean, I -
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (18:59.992)
thank you. And I actually attribute that in it again, that learned skill to why I feel so much better today. I feel calm today. There's a peace and harmony and calmness that I have never experienced in my life. And I think it's because my go -to thinking was generally like I was easily offended. and, and that is a characteristic trait of the fearful avoidant. Like that's, that's part of our emotional.
Jenn Noble (19:25.484)
Yes. Yeah, you look at us wrong and we will just... I've been there, yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (19:30.968)
Right? It's sort of like, well, I'm not deserving of such treatment. Why? And then you get angry and you get, and it's just, it's a cycle of just my nervous system was always on guard. I was always at like an eight or nine out of 10 when I got out of bed. And so.
Jenn Noble (19:49.195)
And so I try to explain this to people that eight or nine out of 10, imagine you feel that every day, all day, you're never gonna realize that that's not like normal to an extent. I remember how long it took me, because they would be like, what are you feeling in your body? When I took some somatic courses, I'm like, what are you talking about? I don't feel anything. Like, that's weird question to ask. I don't feel anything. But once I started processing through things and I started like kind of releasing, all of a sudden it was like, my stomach hurts.
And it was just like, even right now, I'll be like really honest, I'm a little bit nervous. I still get nervous when I do these podcasts. I'm like, I'm nervous. Am I gonna ask you the right questions? Am I showcasing to you that I'm listening enough? Like, do you hear all of the things going on in my head? And there it is. There's the stomach upset. But three years ago, it would have been all over my body and there's no way I'd ever know. But then I would shut down. All that kind of stuff. So I love how you're bringing that up.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (20:43.64)
You bring up such a beautiful point. You really do. Our body speaks to us and we have been conditioned to ignore it. Right. And if something hurts in our body, we go to the doctor, they give us a pill, they would. But it's very interesting how I certainly only learned later in life the impact of my mental health and what that the connection back to my physical body, because just as you're describing, Jen,
Jenn Noble (20:55.243)
You win.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (21:13.546)
I had absolutely physical symptoms that were just telling me that I was exhausted, I was running on adrenaline, my anxiety was out of control, and sometimes they're very odd symptoms. So I'll share something. And for you, for example, your stomach would go into knots, right? So that's, you know now, okay, I'm feeling anxious, let's just take a moment and breathe and work through it. This will pass.
Jenn Noble (21:39.755)
Mm -hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (21:40.472)
I had an interesting symptom where my eyelid would flutter.
Jenn Noble (21:45.771)
It's a little like twitchy eye thing. That happens to me sometimes.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (21:48.984)
Yeah, my eye would twitch. Now I went to eye doctors and I said, my eye is twitching. There must be something wrong with my eye. And he examined my eye and he said, no Bev, your eyes are fine. And I was like, huh. So that's weird. It took me years to realize that that little, that little signal that my body was sending me, what did it mean? And so now when my eyelid twitches, I sit back and I go, hi again, friend.
I know who you are and so you will need me to relax and calm down. Okay, thank you for telling me because it's it's really is a friend, right? It's telling me take notes Something is a little bit too intense in your body right now
Jenn Noble (22:35.563)
I absolutely love that. Two of my favorite books that I've ever read is When the Body Keeps Gore, or The Body Keeps Gore, Vander Kolk, and then When the Body Says No, so Gabor Mate. Two, this is the best books ever, because I also struggle with a lot of health issues. I know I've talked about it before on the podcast, but I have fibromyalgia, I have chronic lower back pain. I was just in the ER recently for a migraine that I never even, all of these new symptoms keep coming up. And so it's just, I've been a health, like, I just have so many health issues. And...
getting to that place of understanding that, yeah, when it's coming on, like I just had like a vertigo attack the other day. And then I had to sit there, just like you said, and I'd be like, okay, little one, what are you trying to tell me right now? Like, what do you need? But I still get upset sometimes. It made me miss out on something I wanted to do. And I still get angry at my body sometimes. And so I'm still working through that. It's always a journey, right? It's always a process.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (23:25.752)
It really it is and I applaud you because you know this is not easy stuff and our you know the medical industry or field as it is today doesn't really understand this. I'm glad that you mentioned Gabor Matei. He's my favorite. I'm working on his new book, The Myth of Normal.
Jenn Noble (23:43.402)
Mm -hmm.
The Myth of Normal, such a good book. I mean, it was a bit disjointed in terms of like it went everywhere, but at the same time it needed to, because it was just like, it was almost like every couple of chapters could have been its own book, I'm telling you. I love that book though. Mm -hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (23:59.)
Yeah, and I love the content that he puts out because he does a lot of stuff on video and in social media too. I learn a great deal from him, especially because he is a medical doctor.
Jenn Noble (24:13.227)
He is, yeah, he started that way, learned his own. I'm actually in his course, the Compassionate Inquiry course right now, yeah, to become certified to teach Compassionate Inquiry. It has been like the most amazing experience of it. I actually got to talk to him one -on -one and ask him a question, and it was just like, he's just one of the most amazing people I've, and he's so humble. Like he'll talk about the things he did to his children and he's not proud of.
And he's talked about having that reconciliation with his children now as adults. And he's talked about what can we do. And I was joining the course hoping to just get better coaching, like myself to become a better coach. And next thing I know, I just healed so much to this. And I was like, I'm okay. But yeah, he is. If anyone out there does not know Gabor Mate, I highly recommend just checking out any of his books. If you have ADHD, check out Scattered Minds. He does another one that's like, Hold On To Your Kids.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (24:54.04)
Mm -hmm.
Jenn Noble (25:07.307)
I'm a big fangirl. I think Bev and I are both fangirls. We're just actually, we're probably just going to start the Gabor Mate podcast now because I say we're just... Yeah, exactly.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (25:14.296)
Well, we'll start the fan club. I would love to take his course if you don't mind sharing me that information. Thank you. I know I would.
Jenn Noble (25:19.595)
my gosh, yeah, later on I'll give you the detail. You would love taking his course. It is hard work. It is so much commitment. It is the best course I've ever, it's for a year long and it's one of the best courses I've ever taken. The way that they do it is so unique and it's so powerful and it teaches you so much more than you ever expected. It teaches about like as well the diversity and the equity and the giving back and the trauma that's happened through generational bonds, not just something that happened to us this year and blah, blah, blah.
Anyways, I could literally go on a tangent about this for hours. I love his stuff, but...
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (25:52.088)
Yeah, he's absolutely fantastic as a resource. So what a beautiful experience that you get to learn from him directly. I would be so on board for that. That's great. Thank you.
Jenn Noble (26:03.467)
Yeah, yeah, I'll send you the details later. And if anyone actually know what, if anyone else wants to sign up for it as well, I will make sure I put those in the show notes. Because I mean, I don't know, affiliate or anything like that. I don't have anything. I'm not that good of a business person yet. But it's just a really great course. You can look into it. I think he also does kind of cheaper courses where you can just, you know, almost kind of like how Tyese did with her courses. She had a live version and she had a recorded version. And I think Gabor does a slightly similar thing, but you kind of get access to all of his.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (26:24.792)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Jenn Noble (26:33.579)
workshops that he put on live and it's just it's a really beautiful thing.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (26:36.664)
That's so great. And I don't know if you know this about him, but he actually spends a good portion of his career working, again, as a medical doctor, but in the field of addiction.
Jenn Noble (26:45.803)
He is. That's his main. the wisdom of trauma. If anyone wants a really good movie to watch, that's how he got started. Right. He was working on the streets of that sounds funny. That's not what I. Wait a second. He was working in this like downtown, I think, Toronto area or Vancouver. Thank Vancouver area. Thank you. And that's his big thing. If you guys out there as well are struggling with any kind of addiction, I've I've been through an eating disorder myself. I have had issues with alcohol and drugs in the past.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (27:00.504)
Vancouver.
Jenn Noble (27:15.691)
So I've been there, I know what it's like. And he's one of the first people to sit there and say, the addiction is not the problem, it's the pain you're trying to numb. And...
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (27:24.6)
Amen. And so this is how I originally found Dr. Matei, because I will openly share, going back to our conversation about when we are struggling emotionally, psychologically, and we're not understanding our patterns, we're trying to numb, we have physical pain. I developed, it was probably about 10 years ago now.
Jenn Noble (27:26.251)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (27:51.64)
chronic pain in my abdomen and I went to doctor after doctor after doctor, surgeons, OBGYN, general practitioners, I did physio, I did nothing helped and so in fact they said well we can do an exploratory surgery. They were ready to cut me open and go what's going on inside of her but at the same time...
Jenn Noble (27:54.699)
Hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (28:16.984)
At the same time, what happened unfortunately is that this is again going back about a decade, just about the time that the marketplace was starting to become flooded with opioids. So we're talking a lot about things like Oxycontin that came into the landscape medically about 10 years ago.
Jenn Noble (28:29.085)
Hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (28:39.512)
And so my doctors are like, we have these pain pills. And so they gave me pain pills, and then they gave me more, and they gave me more. And then when it was time for me to stop, when it was time for me to stop, I couldn't.
Jenn Noble (28:47.627)
They're so good.
Jenn Noble (28:52.171)
Mm -hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (28:52.632)
And so what happened was is that there was such a disconnect between my emotional state and my body. I was experiencing chronic pain, which then developed into me just, you know, please numb the pain. And so I was taking these pills, which then developed into an addiction, which I mean, and why is this important? Because the pain was always psychosomatic, not that it wasn't there, but it was, it was there and it was
Jenn Noble (29:20.011)
Exactly.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (29:22.586)
to a very specific event in my life and I finally realized, made the connection and you know what Jen? I started feeling better. The pain went away. So I lived, yeah, it's like, it's crazy because I lived for five years with chronic pain. I was part of a chronic pain health clinic.
Jenn Noble (29:32.511)
I love these kind of stories. Thank you for sharing that. Keep going, yeah.
Jenn Noble (29:46.571)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (29:47.448)
And again, once I realized that my body was holding on to this trauma and I processed it and I felt it, I have not had a day of pain in three years.
Jenn Noble (30:02.123)
It's so exciting to hear. I'm just so happy for you. That is like, that's one of like the best case scenarios on when this is actually happening. Yes.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (30:05.656)
It's wild.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (30:10.712)
Yeah, it's absolutely wild. And so, you know, then I had to deal with my addiction. And so, you know, I had to go through the process of ridding myself of this medication. Now, you know, now we know what opioids do to the body. 10 years ago, we didn't. Listen, they do.
Jenn Noble (30:27.207)
Yeah, but because they work so well though. I still, I still, so the fun part about this is, and just so I can be clear to anyone who's listening, chronic pain will look and feel different for every single person. So for Bev, she worked through it, she got through it, and that pain's not there anymore. I will tell you a bit of my story, which was I thought I was going to have the exact same thing. And I was like, I'm here, I'm enlightened. I forgive my abuser. I'm so much, I'm meditating every day.
And then my back goes out again. And I'm just like, what the fuck, body? Like, I did all the things you told me to do. And I'm like, I thought I was so mad. And then I like sorted that out. And then I started getting these vertigo attacks. And again, I was just like, I've never even had these before. How am I getting them now when I'm in the best space of my entire life? What is happening? But you know what? Sometimes we don't know. And the best thing I can do is just accept my body for what it is. And maybe it needs to be processing through something.
And that's okay too, because I still do take hydrocodone when my pain gets really bad, but I am incredibly structured with it now and I have a good system with my doctor. But before that, yeah, other drugs to numb the pain, all of those kinds of things is what I needed. And sometimes I still go there because life is hard, but yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (31:44.952)
I don't make any judgments, especially for people who are dealing with chronic pain and intense traumas. And, you know, for me...
Jenn Noble (31:48.619)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (31:57.048)
The hydrocodone, which is also known as dilaudid, it's very strong. I took it for years. I was taking enough daily to anesthetize a horse. So the amount that I was taking was absolutely destroying me. Right.
Jenn Noble (32:14.635)
Because it has to keep building, right? Like after what? Because at the moment now I only take half. I will even only take half and then I try to have days in between where I don't. Because I'm afraid to go back there. Because also I was popping for like anxiety. Because that just, it made my, yeah, keep going.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (32:26.744)
Yeah, so this is what I wanted to mention. This is what I meant. This is what I wanted to mention was that in the beginning, the pills were exceptionally good at taking away my physical pain. But what kept me taking the pills is that it numbed my emotional pain. So all of a sudden, even if I would wake up one day and I didn't feel that searing pain that I would normally feel in my abdomen, this phantom pain that I had, I still I would crave
the pills, the medication, because I didn't want to feel my feelings. So...
Jenn Noble (33:02.987)
So, so real. Thank you for sharing that and being open about that because it's just such a real thing that's happening.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (33:06.968)
Yeah.
It is a real thing and so, you know, it's very good at anesthetizing physical pain and emotional pain. And so that's what kept me addicted to it. And we know as humans, we turn to lots of different substances or tactics to numb out pain. Some people use alcohol, some people overeat, some people compulsively shop, some people go to casinos. There's all sorts of things that we do.
Jenn Noble (33:34.859)
Hold on, for me that would be yes, yes, yes, and yes. Yes.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (33:40.664)
Yeah, and you know, what's interesting is that when I finally got opioids out of my life, and that was no easy feat for me because of the amount that I was taking.
Thank you. And I speak about it with pride because to get out from the other side, it's hard. But you know, there was a period of time where I sort of still felt that emotional pain and wasn't really comfortable with it. So I started drinking more. You know, you switch from one addiction to the next. But you know what? I don't drink anymore. Like, and...
Jenn Noble (34:12.587)
one addiction to the next. I know. Yeah.
Jenn Noble (34:18.603)
Gosh, that's fantastic.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (34:20.28)
This is like when I say I feel better, my barometer is that I no longer reach for this stuff. I just feel calmer.
You know, again, for me, who, you know, I remind your audience, I've really truly lived most of my life at an eight or nine out of 10 in terms of my CNS, my central nervous system, and my anxiety. And so for me to wake up and be like, huh, I feel great today. It's unusual and it's a gift. Like I...
Jenn Noble (34:54.507)
I love that you still see that, because sometimes we can get these things back, right? Even me, like my back pain is not where it used to be. I used to be like, I used to have a disabled pass, I used to have to use a walker, and I can walk around just fine now. I get 10 ,000 steps every day, and yet it tweaks a little bit, and I start going, okay, what did I do wrong again? I start blaming myself, I start, you know, and I have to catch that now. And so I love hearing this pride underneath you, and I love hearing all of this come from you. And I would love to just start shifting a little bit now to hear...
How do you use all of this that you have? All of this knowledge, all of this life experience with your clients? Tell us a little bit more about what kind of coach are you? What kind of people do you love working with? What does your heart want to speak on?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (35:39.096)
So, that's such a great question. So to bring Dr. Matej back into the conversation, he actually says that the effectiveness of therapy vis -a -vis the therapist and the client has to do not with someone's academic credentials, not with their modalities, but the quality of the relationship that they are able to establish with their clients. And studies have shown, they've done like brain tests and scans while the conversation
are unfolding and while the therapist is in listening mode and really present with their clients, that's when the greatest amount of healing and happiness comes forth. They actually see it on the scans.
Jenn Noble (36:27.819)
I love a good scan. I'm so nerdy that way. I just love a good scan. I love a good, all of the brain stuff going on. Like, how does this happen? Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (36:29.976)
Me too.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (36:36.856)
So, you know, to answer your question, what I try to do is I try mostly to listen. I think that, you know, my...
My understanding of people's pain has really grown, has really grown. And I think that healing starts when people start to feel like they are heard. So many people go through life feeling like they are unheard. And so sometimes they even stop communicating and they just hold on to all of this. So if you give someone a platform,
to talk about all the big and the small things that are happening and a simple nod, like I'm acknowledging, I hear you, it really does set the stage for what could be a beautiful, healing journey. So I try to listen, I try to, you know,
Jenn Noble (37:28.139)
I love that.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (37:34.968)
I try to connect the dots for my clients when, you know, if they tell me about a certain situation that unfolded this week. So for example, a small example, someone will say, I don't know, someone cut me off when I was driving on the highway this week and I flipped them the bird. I would say, okay.
Jenn Noble (37:54.123)
Yes.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (37:57.464)
Why did you do that? Right? Like, like what was in you that you were so at that point, you know, nine out of 10 angry that you're going to give the middle finger to a complete stranger who probably didn't cut you off on purpose and it's just a bad driver. Right. And when you pose it that way with sort of, you know,
Jenn Noble (37:58.699)
Yeah.
Jenn Noble (38:06.059)
Yeah.
Jenn Noble (38:14.283)
Yeah, it's such a good question.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (38:22.712)
true curiosity. I find a lot of my clients laugh and they go, you're right, I was being an ass.
Jenn Noble (38:33.927)
I love that. I love too how you bring in a bit of playfulness too with your clients as well. I think that's a really, I can tell that just from the interactions we've had together, just the laughter and the jokes and the lightening of a situation. Sounds really good. What type of clients do you typically like to work with? Are you one gender? Are you kind of a type of age range, whatever.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (38:54.168)
So again, you really do ask very good questions. In principle, I'm open to working with anyone who wants to understand their own minds, who wants to understand why am I thinking this way, why am I acting this way? I can see that it's not impacting my life in a positive way. I don't know how to change it, right? So anyone who has that mentality, I'm happy to work with. But when I did first start my company, which is called Secure,
loved. I realized that attachment styles are so very often talked about in the context of romantic love. Although you and I both know that attachment styles affect your relationships that you have with family, with colleagues, all of that, right? Friends?
Jenn Noble (39:36.939)
Yes.
Jenn Noble (39:44.267)
All of them, yeah. Yeah, with the person who cut you off as you're driving. Yeah, exactly. Like it's all of it. It's such a good point.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (39:52.024)
It's all of it. But for some reason, especially in the social media world, it's often talked about in the context of romantic love. And so when I was first starting out, and I still do this, I had the idea of establishing relationships and partnerships with a couple of dating coaches and relationship coaches who had some pretty big followings on YouTube. And so I said, you know what? Attachment styles is a hot topic right now. So have me on your show and I will.
I will sort of break it down for your audience and we can talk about it, you know, Attachment Styles 101 or we can talk about a specific style or how this shows up in dating or how some of it would navigate heartbreak through an attachment lens or however you want to position it and the response was great. So I did a couple of these and I still do them. I just did one last night. And so what was great about that is that it gave Attachment Styles as a top
Jenn Noble (40:44.683)
Bye!
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (40:51.834)
even more visibility, but it did actually position me in the space of working in attachment styles mostly around romantic love and most of my clientele are women, I would say middle ages, like 35 to 55. That seems to be the type of clientele that is most interested in working with me right now, which is great.
Jenn Noble (41:03.723)
Mm -hmm.
Jenn Noble (41:20.043)
And based on statistics, it tends to be the type of people that are reaching out for help right now. As much as I don't like generalizations of genders, typically speaking, but you do see a societal expectation for men not to be seeking out help, not to be understanding things, and if they do, they're gonna go like psychologist -therapist route, whereas a lot of people still have misconceptions as to coaches. And so I get that out there, and then you get a lot of these women and they're heartbroken.
and they're just, they need someone to validate their experience and to love them. And like you said earlier, to be heard. And that's what I love about this. I love that there's so many coaches out there right now that can help so many people. I say this so many times because I'm a terrible business salesman, but if you don't want to work with me, go work with Bev, seriously. And if my understanding is true still, right Bev, you also have other coaches that you work with.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (41:52.056)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (42:08.024)
I do. So, you know, it's so interesting because us as humans, we can't be good at everything, right? So I have I've never worked with you in, you know, in a therapy capacity, but I have no doubt that you're a terrific therapist, terrific coach and that you're.
Jenn Noble (42:13.675)
Right.
Jenn Noble (42:26.027)
Not a therapist yet. I always just like to be very clear. I'm only a coach right now. Not a therapist yet. One day, one day in like 10 years time. Yes.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (42:30.04)
Okay. Fair, fair, and you know...
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (42:36.408)
These terms get thrown around a lot. But so, you know, I have no doubt that you're terrific in the work that you do, but the biggest challenge for us as coaches or practitioners is getting our name out there, the marketing, you know, getting the clients in. We have a beautiful service to offer, but how do we make the world, you know, aware of this? And so,
Jenn Noble (42:38.987)
Mm -hmm.
Jenn Noble (42:45.771)
Thank you.
Jenn Noble (43:03.467)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (43:05.528)
Once I found that my company securely loved I had the idea of building that out into a collective of independent certified attachment practitioners so folks who have gone through the exact same training as me Who have written the exact same exam that you and I wrote? and have Different backgrounds which always makes for a beautiful, you know Variety so when you go on my website now, it's securely loved calm
There's a group of five of us. I'm one of the five and you can book with any one of the five. And it really is intended to be a collective. So we also meet monthly so that we can exchange information and we can learn from each other. We have a group chat that is active almost every day because it also keeps us connected, right? Because when you're an independent practitioner, it can feel lonely.
Jenn Noble (43:51.563)
Wonderful.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (44:05.338)
Hopefully.
Jenn Noble (44:06.139)
yeah, the self -employed life can be quite hard sometimes. It's very boxed in, you know, I'm in my office most of the time. It's like, yeah, versus when you're out there and you're working at a corporate job or you're working for a company, it's kind of like, hey, someone's birthday, let's go all get cake together. We don't have that with each other. We can't all go get cake together. We should. Everybody needs cake.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (44:24.376)
We don't and... And everyone needs cake, I know. I know, I mean, of course. So...
Jenn Noble (44:33.803)
how can people find you and this collective? Because I think my understanding of who is in your collective are coaches that I know of. And I totally, I would, what's the word I'm looking for? I'm terrible with words. I would endorse the hell out of them basically, because they're so great. People should definitely go and check out Securely Loved. I think it's a wonderful opportunity and resource. If you are looking for a coach out there and either my style is not vibing with you or you just aren't being able to,
work with my schedule of time, go check out Securely Loved and you can talk with Bev and then she can help hook you up with any one of her coaches that she has and her collective. It sounds like a beautiful opportunity. So that way you can even, I often tell people, I want you interviewing at least three to five coaches before you settle on one. This is just like dating. I do not want you settling on one coach or one therapist just because you think that like that's it. No, like I might not work with you. You might be annoyed with me. You might love me. I have no idea. I don't care. Like.
I'm gonna do what I do, Bev is gonna do what she does, and you are going to find the most perfect coach, because I just really think there's such a need for coaches out there right now. We are goal -based people, right? We are here to help you actually work through these relationship issues with your partner or your boyfriend, or even your parents or your children. Like, that's what we're here for. We're not just gonna sit on a couch with you and let you relive all of your past trauma, you know? That's for someone else. Like, we are gonna get you through.
this pit that you're in right now. And that's what I want to encourage people to really keep looking at coaches as an amazing resource.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (46:06.008)
Thank you so much. And I love how you mentioned that, you know, both you and I, we know that I'm never gonna be everyone's cup of tea, right? So I think that's what's so powerful about a collective. When you go on my website, securelylove .com, there's a bio of all five of us. So for example, one of the coaches, she herself struggles with ADHD, and so that's an area of expertise that she really has
Jenn Noble (46:35.915)
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (46:35.962)
beautiful grasp on. So if I have a client that's coming to me and they're struggling with ADHD, it makes a lot more sense for them to work directly with her. So it's that level of variety. We also, you know, we have different educational backgrounds. We have different attachment styles, all five of us. So it helps, right? And so the idea is that there's something for everyone depending on where you want to explore and what your personal circumstance and context is.
Jenn Noble (46:45.387)
Mm -hmm.
Jenn Noble (46:55.147)
That helps.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (47:05.882)
context is, you can choose who you think is best to work with. And so far it's been working really nicely.
Jenn Noble (47:13.259)
I love that. Well, if anyone out there is listening and they really want to get in on this, you can either reach out to me and I will get you Bev's information or Bev, how can people reach you right now? Like what's going on in your life? Anything exciting happening or anything new dropping or just like, you know, give me all of your, give me all your spiels.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (47:29.784)
Okay, well, so my website is securelyloved .com. We also have a beautiful presence on Instagram, which is securely underscore loved. And we try to put out weekly content, but usually there's some good educational snippets there.
We are as a collective going to be working with Ken Kangen who is a, he's a pretty well known relationship coach. He has a beautiful following on YouTube, like a couple hundred thousand people. And so our group is going to be, I will be doing a live with him in a couple of weeks on YouTube. And our group is going to be working with a select group of his
Jenn Noble (47:58.219)
Okay. that's fantastic.
Jenn Noble (48:06.251)
That's wonderful.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (48:19.576)
He's got like a relationship academy. It's somewhat similar to the personal development school, but so we're doing a four week series on understanding heartbreak through the lens of attachment theory. And so there's four weeks, so I'm doing one week and the second coach is doing another week and the, exactly. And.
Jenn Noble (48:43.211)
Great, if you have that information, I'll make sure all of this goes in the show notes so in case anyone wants like, when they're listening to this later or whenever it comes on, I'll even put the date because that sounds wonderful. I know so many people who could get help with that.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (48:47.)
Perfect.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (48:54.84)
Yeah, I mean these are universal topics right like navigating heartbreak. That's that's you know, yeah
Jenn Noble (48:57.643)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, heartbreak. Yeah, but that's why there's like a million songs and movies written about it because it's just this incredible feeling and pain that's in our body that happens. It's what brought most of us to the integrated attachment theory stuff and where all of this keeps going. And I love how you do it through an attachment lens. I know we didn't get much into attachment styles here, but that's because I probably talk about it all the time anyways, so.
to kind of like step outside of that. But if you guys are looking for more attachment style and you're just new listening and you're like, you keep talking about attachment styles, what the hell is that? I have a podcast about it, like probably three. Just go check out all the different podcasts. You can also check out Securely Underscore Loved on Instagram. There's going to be a ton of information on there as well. I also always recommend people to check out the Personal Development School. It's a beautiful, beautiful resource. It's lovely and wonderful. And there's a lot of stuff there. And that's the thing is there's so much for you to go get help with.
Like there is a plethora of stuff out there. It's just, in all of us, we just want to share that news with everyone. So a reach out to myself or reach out to Bev or reach out to any of the other coaches. And it's going to be a really great opportunity for you to finally live that life that you deserve to have, that happy and fulfilling relationship. That's all I want for all of you out there. Bev, is there anything else before we wrap up?
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (50:00.928)
you
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (50:18.168)
You know, I just wanted to thank you again for having me on and having this conversation. It's sincerely appreciated. And I wanted to give a call out also to Thais Gibson. She's the founder of the Personal Development School, as you've mentioned, Jen, a few times. And she's also the one who has, you know, put together this integrated attachment work. So attachment theory has been around since like the 1950s, but she's the one who has said, okay,
How do we now take the theory piece and move it into concrete practical tools where we can see true change? So learning from her was an absolute honor. It is her work that I'm putting out into the universe. And again, it was so impactful on my own life that my purpose now is to just share it with others.
Jenn Noble (51:15.275)
I love that. That's so beautiful. I know I go on and on. She's a fan girl over her all the time in some of my other podcasts. And my 12 week course that I have dropping in a couple of weeks, a lot of it is based off of the integrated attachment theory, because it's one of the most unique. Because the thing is, is people do hear about attachment styles and they're just like, OK, fine, whatever, anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure. But integrated attachment is a different lens altogether. She's diving into your core wound. She's going into things from like Emile Cuis with his auto suggestion. She's diving into.
Dr. DiMartini's areas of life. It's like she has figured out a way to curate. Curate? Yeah, curate all of these things together in order to make it more easily understandable. And then the beautiful thing is myself or someone like Bev comes along or, so I know I'm trying to think of some of the other coaches that I know of as well. Then they take their own personality, their own modalities, their own past experiences, their own lived life, and they bring to it a whole nother thing. So it gets worked on again.
and worked on again. And that's why I love just science and research and psychology and all of this stuff, as I love working together with these people. And it's like, I think Thais herself got a lot from Gabor Mate. So like learning more from Gabor Mate helped me to piece together where this stuff comes from. And then now I'm into Peter Levine's work and then I'm also into Dan Siegel's work. And so, yeah, it's just like, love it.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (52:21.304)
Yeah.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (52:36.536)
Yeah, and so, you know, props to all of these people who have done incredible work at, you know, sharing their knowledge because, you know, these are the folks that I learned from and I'm paying it forward, I'm passing it on. And really the difference in Thais' work is that, you know, as we spoke about earlier is that like myself, for example, I had experienced so many different modalities of therapy.
Jenn Noble (52:53.995)
beautiful.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (53:06.442)
and it got me to a place of awareness, but it never brought me to a place of change.
Jenn Noble (53:13.067)
Hmm.
Bev Mitelman, M.A. (53:13.432)
And so the difference here is that let's not just understand your patterns. Let's now talk about how we can start changing them. And that for me was the missing piece. How do I start changing? How do I heal from my core wounds? What does it even mean to heal? We use that term all the time. How do I heal from my core wounds so that I can change my thoughts, my emotional patterns, and my behavior will change?
And that's where it's at.
Jenn Noble (53:43.499)
I love that. How can we shift just being aware of it to change? I think that's a beautiful place for us to stop at here. I think that's so empowering. And I can't wait for people to just listen to this and get inspired. And hopefully they just get this as some type of point in their heart to reach out to anyone that you can to get help. Be a therapist, be it a psychologist, be it a coach, be it your best friend. Find someone to hear you and to validate you. Because that's what life is about. We just want connection.
Well, thank you so much, Bev, for coming on to speak on this podcast. I'd love to have you back sometime just to see how it's going. Or maybe some of your other coaches, if they'd like to come on as well. I could probably just reach out to them. They're my friends too. So I should probably, we're a very insulated little group of the IAT crew, which I love so much. And I love having a system of fellow coaches that support one another. And we're unlike a lot of coaches out there, guys. I'm just telling you right now, this IAT crew of coaches.
We're just an incredible source of knowledge and authenticity. And we just genuinely want to help you. We're not those types of people out there that it's like 30, you know, here's 30 ways to win your love back. Just give me, you know, $3 ,000. That's just never been any of us. And I would never have a coach on this program that was ever that way, because that is not my vibe. That Bev is the real deal. She is a fantastic coach. And I would really hope that you reach out to her if you can. Thank you so much again, Bev. And I will talk to you next time.
Wow. I just loved having that conversation with Bev. It was really fun for me. Just. From coach to coach chatting about the ways that we love helping people. I love getting to know her story and all of the things that she's been through in order to make her the coach that she is today. I really love giving all of you listeners out there an opportunity to hear from another coach because I say this often, but it's really important that you find someone that works for you.
If that's not me, then who is? Maybe it's Bev. And if that's not Bev, maybe it's one of her other coaches in her collective. I know a couple of the coaches there, someone named Mara and another one Renee. I have been through the IAT program with both of them. I consider them friends. Beautiful, beautiful women that would love nothing more than to help.
And that's all I ever want for all of you, is for you to get the help that you need to live the life that you deserve. Deserve. So if you want to start living the life that you deserve, please join my Facebook group at Speak, honest. Or if you wanna get coached on a coaching call, let's say you are having an issue with your attachment style or with your communication with your husband or your boyfriend, or you have a partner and you don't know how he feels.
He hasn't said, I love you yet, and it's been eight months, and what should you do about this? That's what I'm here for. That's what I love. Doing some coaches are built for big events and big webinars and other coaches like myself. I love the more interpersonal connections, the one on ones, the nuanced questions that you have.
I love picking out the patterns and the voice differences as we're talking and thinking to myself. Hmm, I wonder why she said it that way. So if you would like to get coached by me on this podcast, please reach out. I'm actually looking for people right now to coach. I would love to have you on the podcast.
We can use an alias or any other thing that you need in order to feel comfortable to come on the podcast. If the podcast is not your jam, but you would still like to be coached by me. Great. I do offer one on one coaching right now, especially during the summer while my schedule is a bit more open. It's a wonderful opportunity.
You can check out my Patreon and you can get a great deal on four coaching sessions a month or one coaching session a month. Or if you don't really want to deal with Patreon, you can just go straight to my website and you can book with me from there. I look forward to talking to each and every one of you, and I'm so excited to see how this community is growing.
All right, everyone, until next week, take care.
As we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. And it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we covered today, Be sure to head over to our show notes where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode, right there.
And please remember to rate review and subscribe. If you enjoyed today's podcast, your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast until next time, remember to speak up and Speak Honest.