The last way we must struggle to keep an open mind and clarity of thought is concerning our social influences. The people around us can determine what we think and do, no matter how hard we try. This was proved in the Asch Conformity Test and the Milgram Shock Experiment. It doesn’t matter how open-minded you are; your environment can push you strongly in one way despite your best intentions. Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fz Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bi...
Apr 08, 2022•16 min
Next, we move to the pyramid of needs, otherwise known as Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It states that we are all seeking various types of needs in various points in our lives; when you can observe which level other people are in, you can understand what they are seeking out and motivated by. The levels of the hierarchy are as follows: physiological fulfillment, safety, love and belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization. Of course, this model, as well as the next one, also functions ...
Apr 06, 2022•11 min
Despite our own internal confusions, there are certain scientifically proven traits we do seek in mates that are more related to biological imperatives. We are subconsciously drawn to excitement and arousal, fulfilling gender-specific arousal triggers, a sense of humor, and masculine and feminine voices. Research shows that while smiling and expressing happiness can make people like and trust you, when it comes to relationships and dating, this is not always the case: men find smiling, happy wom...
Apr 04, 2022•13 min
The four principles of Marshall Rosenberg’s non-violent communication are: observations, feelings, needs, and requests, in that order. First make neutral observations instead of judgmental evaluations. Next, seek to explore feelings and not opinions. Be careful about using “you” statements or attributing blame, and instead take responsibility for your own experience. Next, connect your feelings with any unmet needs with the format: “I feel X because I need Y.” Finally, end with a respectful and ...
Apr 01, 2022•12 min
Any discussion on motivation must begin with the pleasure principle, which generally states that we move toward pleasure and move away from pain. If you think about it, this is omnipresent in our daily lives in both minuscule and huge ways. As such, this actually makes people more predictable to understand. What is the pleasure people are seeking, and what is the pain they are avoiding? It’s always there in some way. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeopleking Show notes and/or episode transcri...
Mar 30, 2022•18 min
Despite our own internal confusions, there are certain scientifically proven traits we do seek in mates that are more related to biological imperatives. We are subconsciously drawn to excitement and arousal, fulfilling gender-specific arousal triggers, a sense of humor, and masculine and feminine voices. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttraction Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation...
Mar 28, 2022•11 min
Immersing yourself in someone else’s equally valid reality is harder than it looks, and so we need to routinely test our own assumptions. We need to ask people questions and challenge our own assumptions about what they think or feel or how we attribute their actions. Psychologizing people is a way we can believe we’re listening compassionately, but actually we’re forcing our interpretation or worldview onto another person instead of genuinely listening to their experience. Hear it Here - https:...
Mar 25, 2022•9 min
Confirmation bias is also the most prominent way that we fail to simply follow the evidence. If we perform research and keep an open mind, our task is simple: just follow the arrows where they point. But all too often, we are seduced into following the wrong arrows. These include the cognitive distortions of focusing on “must” and “should”, black-and-white thinking, the Dunning-Kruger Effect, and labeling. Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fz Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available...
Mar 23, 2022•13 min
We’ve talked about analyzing and predicting behavior based on people’s emotions and values, but what about motivation? It turns out there are a few prominent and fairly universal models of motivation that can give you a helpful framework to understand people with. When you can pinpoint what people are motivated by, you can see how everything leads back to it either directly or indirectly. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeopleking Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://...
Mar 21, 2022•17 min
Finally, we become great people-readers when we understand ourselves. We need to know what biases, expectations, values, and unconscious drives we bring to the table so we are able to see things as neutrally and objectively as possible. We must refrain from letting pessimism cloud our judgments because its often easier to arrive at the more negative conclusion when an alternate, more positive one is equally likely. To gain better insight into the progress you make as you read through this book, ...
Mar 18, 2022•7 min
The most glaring example of this is confirmation bias, wherein we are deaf and blind to evidence that doesn’t support what we think. In other words, we see what we want to see, and we can make a belief appear out of thin air. This is dangerous because it brings the ability to ignore reality. You eventually become entrenched in an echo chamber of reinforcing information that will lead you astray. Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fz Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https:/...
Mar 16, 2022•10 min
It’s important to avoid using language that triggers defensiveness. This includes things like “what’s wrong with you?” “I’m sorry you feel that way,” “whatever,” “you’re overreacting,” “you’re entitled to your opinion,” or anything using absolute terms like “always” and “never.” These are invalidating and inflammatory and will be met with resistance, emphasizing emotional barriers rather than dissolving them. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKing Show notes and/or episode tr...
Mar 14, 2022•17 min
We often think we know what we want based on singular experiences, stereotypes, or simple social pressures. But we are typically very, very wrong. In fact, most of the time, we are just making educated guesses. Psychological distance is deceptive, and we often confuse what we want with what benefits us from a self-interest standpoint. In reality, what we do know is simply what we don’t want. This is not the same as wanting the opposite of what we don’t want. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/Science...
Mar 11, 2022•14 min
Most of the communication that takes place between people is non-verbal in nature. What people say is often a poor indicator of what they want to convey, which makes people-reading a valuable life skill with almost endless benefits. Although we’re all blessed with different aptitudes, it’s possible to develop this skill in ourselves, as long as we can be honest about where we’re starting from. • No matter which theory of model we use to help us analyze and interpret our observations, we need to ...
Mar 09, 2022•9 min
An integral part of crystal-clear thinking is to be open-minded. Being open-minded means hearing evidence or an argument and not making an instant judgment. It means being able to say, “I don’t know” and resist that feeling of uncertainty. These are all difficult because we are wired to do the opposite. Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fz Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at ...
Mar 07, 2022•10 min
Active listening techniques help us to absorb, understand, remember, and respond to what we’re told. This includes non-judgment, reflection, paying attention, seeking clarification, summarizing, and possibly sharing your own experience. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKing Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting #ConversationSkills ...
Mar 04, 2022•11 min
A study specified the traits that predicted the most relationship success if similar: agreeableness and emotional stability. Conventional wisdom says that opposites attract, but for successful long-term partnerships, shared values and similarity in interest, communication, preferences, etc. are usually more valuable. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttraction Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book on...
Mar 02, 2022•11 min
Most of the communication that takes place between people is non-verbal in nature. What people say is often a poor indicator of what they want to convey, which makes people-reading a valuable life skill with almost endless benefits. Although we’re all blessed with different aptitudes, it’s possible to develop this skill in ourselves, as long as we can be honest about where we’re starting from. No matter which theory of model we use to help us analyze and interpret our observations, we need to co...
Feb 28, 2022•10 min
In the Imago framework, we seek to remove emotional barriers to connection by communicating. The Sender and the Receiver takes turns sharing their message.The Receiver listens by mirroring, validating, and communicating empathy as the Sender speaks. Then, they change places. The key is to be patient, don’t interrupt, and avoid trying to be the Sender when you should be acting as the Receiver. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKing Show notes and/or episode transcripts are ava...
Feb 25, 2022•13 min
Your perception is biased. Understanding the world around you is probably biased because of how the brain jumps to conclusions. These types of jumps are called cognitive biases. They seek to create a story out of as little information as possible, to avoid uncertainty. Battling cognitive biases involves telling stories in reverse, slowing down, and shifting your focus to questions instead of declaratory statements. Your memories are wrong. No matter how real and accurate they sometimes feel, a d...
Feb 23, 2022•14 min
The triangular theory of love states that the most successful relationships score well on all three metrics: attraction, intimacy, and commitment. Happy couples need to have strong overlap and match in their “triangles” or else work to strengthen their weak points. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttraction Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting ...
Feb 21, 2022•8 min
Practice conversational patience, listen to others, and give them the space to be as they are. In other words, cut out the ego! You can validate others by asking questions every time you’re tempted to jump in and hog attention. Relax, slow down, and have the self-discipline and compassion to let the conversation unfolds as it will, rather than as you think it should. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKing Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/s...
Feb 18, 2022•9 min
Your perception is biased. Understanding the world around you is probably biased because of how the brain jumps to conclusions. These types of jumps are called cognitive biases. They seek to create a story out of as little information as possible, to avoid uncertainty. Battling cognitive biases involves telling stories in reverse, slowing down, and shifting your focus to questions instead of declaratory statements. Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fz Show notes and/or episode transcripts are ...
Feb 16, 2022•12 min
Love is what most of us marry for, but arranged marriages have been around for a very long time. In fact, what most of us would consider romantic love is a luxury that is only a few hundred years old. Arranged marriages work precisely because love is placed as a low priority. Instead, commitment, problem-solving, and lowered expectations take the forefront and create conditions that allow for a harmonious relationship to first blossom, which allows love to follow. Another factor that appears to ...
Feb 14, 2022•18 min
Humility is the virtue that will allow you to quickly and sincerely own up to mistakes. This takes courage and maturity. Make sure any apologies show remorse, repentance, and full responsibility, as well as explain what went wrong, what you will do to fix it, and a request for forgiveness. Accept any response to your apology with grace. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKing Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn mo...
Feb 11, 2022•8 min
Your perspective isn’t reality. It represents your subjective and unique worldview, but it’s not objective, it’s not reality, and it is destined to be skewed in terms of your experiences. Some experiences are solidified in what are known as schemas and heuristics, which are the frameworks you use to organize and understand the world. Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fz Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-b...
Feb 09, 2022•9 min
• Dr. Jack Schafer’s friendship formula states that people build connections when they are in proximity to one another, when their interactions are frequent and long in duration, and when both parties get their needs met. • Schafer’s theory can be applied to flirting, especially in contexts where the three-part flirting process wouldn’t be appropriate. • Whichever approach you use (short-term flirting or longer-term connection-building) remember to go step by step, building gradually on pervious...
Feb 07, 2022•14 min
With curiosity, we stay open-minded and humble, and approach others in a spirit of opportunity, respect, and the desire to learn. Express genuine interest in someone by asking open-ended questions and really listening to the answers. Don’t assume, let people speak, and check your comprehension by paraphrasing. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/IntentionalCommunicationKing Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book ...
Feb 04, 2022•10 min
• Usually, your brain, instincts, gut feelings, emotions, and hunches are all liars (usually). They aren’t doing it on purpose, but they inherently function by jumping to conclusions, saving time, conserving energy, and valuing speed over accuracy. Their goal is to function on less information, and the less of it, the better. Not quite crystal-clear thinking. • Your feelings and emotions can overpower you and completely color your thinking. But that’s confusing feelings for facts. They are entir...
Feb 02, 2022•11 min
the art of getting the attention of the opposite sex Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttraction Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting #ApproachStage #AttractionPlay #Fisher #FisherByrne #HumanInteraction #MentalAttraction #Synchronize #TimothyPerper #AllAboutFlirting #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoach...
Jan 31, 2022•19 min
