Surviving the Festive Season Sober with your SCY Panel

Intro: Welcome to the "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019. And now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.

Alex: All right. Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of “Sober Yoga Girl”. I am coming at you today from Bali and we have our Sober Curious Yoga panel with us. So, actually, this is the first time I'm recording the panel, not in Abu Dhabi but we have someone in Abu Dhabi to still represent Abu Dhabi. So we have Matt and Jules in the UK and Lee in the states and we're welcoming our new Sober Curious Yoga panelist, Emma who you might know she's another Mindful Life Practice teacher and she joins us from Abu Dhabi. So welcome, Emma.

Emma: Thank you very much. I'm very, very honored and excited to be invited to join this and during this panel and this chat. So yeah, my name is Emma. I am a school principal, a mother of three teenage boys who are now no longer teenagers but there's not like a phrase for the 20s and teens. So yeah, I have been sober for nearly three years now. So it's three years, 31st December 2018. New Year's Eve was the last time I drank alcohol. And my motivation that I'm sure will unpack a lot in these podcasts was my family and yeah, there was a New Year's Eve incident that scared me sober with my boys dot dot dot ellipses, teaser. But it worked. And yeah, I haven't drunk since, and it's been a whole new life for me.

Matt: How many days or years of sobriety is there in total do you think between all of us? That's what we should add up. By the end of this podcast, we should have a number. 

Emma: Yeah. 

Matt: We'll work on it.

Emma: I'm not great at…

Alex: I'm gonna be around a thousand days in this holiday season, actually. And I only know that because we celebrated Emma's thousand days, the yoga retreat we had in September and I knew that Emma was about 90 days ahead of me because Emma is actually my first sober friend ever and we can save that for another– we'll have to have you on a podcast episode where we tell that story, Emma. But she's the first sober friend that I made off of social media in real life which is super cool and I knew that she was about 100 days ahead of me. So anyway, that's a total tangent. 

Emma: Which at the time seemed like a lifetime didn't it? It's gonna be great, honestly. It's going to be fine.

Matt: I think there are about 11 years of sobriety I'm going for. I think we're close to 4,000 days.

Emma:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jules: I was 700 a couple of days ago and I'm going up to my two years. Yeah.

Matt: Yeah. That's why I worked out and I think we're 4,000 days. There you go. 

Lee: I'm about to a year and a half. A little over a year and a half. 

Emma: Imagine like for, you know, 15 years or whatever. That's amazing. Imagine how much more productive and kinder and better human beings who've been to all of our friends and family. Everyone's been– around 15 years. Wow. 

Alex: Yeah. So let's get into our topic today which we have come together because we want to chat a little bit about sober holidays. Which is what we would call them in North America. The sober festive season which is what they might call it in the UK. I'm wondering if everyone can share a little bit about their first sober holiday experience.

Matt:  I'll say something first. Mine was probably– because the one I always think of is Christmas and that's coming up and usually December starts and you just get into it. I would be going down the pub every day after work because you can do. So last year was the first year but last year wasn't ordinary because the pubs were closed in the UK or a lot of them were, where I live. but even so, I would be having a drink at home. Everything's on a big wind down and last year was the first time that didn't happen. So it was so calm. It was so much calmer and the actual– in terms of Christmas, the Christmas day itself was so different. Normally, I'd be like itching to open up champagne at midday. That's the sort of time I'd allow myself and then it would just kick off through the day. So all that was different and yeah, just an overwhelming sense of calm and enjoyment of opening presents. All that sort of stuff for me was just quite, revelatory. You know, it was just so new and yeah, I would have been asleep sort of by six or seven then wake up feeling really groggy and probably try and drink some more red wine just you know, all that behavior was gone. And it was just– and it's been the same at other times like Easter and things like that and going on you know, whatever but Christmas is the one I really think of.

Emma: I can go. So yeah, as I gave up drinking New Year's Eve, 2018. So my first Christmas was yeah, pre-Covid. It was you know, everyone was in the full swing of Christmas festivities starting late November. You know when– I can't remember when it is maybe three, six months into sobriety you get that sort of those butterfly feelings of excitement and you know, you feel like a kid. I felt like a kid at Christmas and because it was Christmas but just it was so I was giddy with excitement about doing everything that I normally did but with so much more energy and what you said Matt about being tired. Alcohol just makes me sleepy. It makes my eyes itchy. It was challenging for me to like the first time you disassociate those like that red wine or mulled wine and Christmas tree up or Champagne or Baileys. All of those very Christmasy associated, well-marketed drinks. What really helped me was getting some nice non-alcoholic alternatives. A beautiful glass, as long as I've got a beautiful glass filled with something fizzy or with ice and garnishes, I'm fine. As long as I don't feel I'm missing out and that sort of helped me get through that, for that sort of awkwardness. But no, just if I look back, just the energy I had for the holiday season with my family. Yeah.

Lee: I can go. We had our first holiday season, festive season was with my family. My son wasn't there but we went skiing last year. It was the first time that we had Christmas together for me as being sober. And it was great to have that activity although it rained the whole day of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Luckily, we had several days after that to ski and they had a lot of snowmaking ability. So we were able to still ski but having that activity to do as a family was really fun. So I was really looking forward to that. I had a lot of gratitude for waking up not being hungover on Christmas morning for the first time and feeling pretty crappy going into the day and fuzzy and not having that mental clarity. I was really thankful for that. I do remember having a few moments of everybody having made their special cocktail or whatever and I made sure when we were going shopping before the time together to buy myself some non-alcoholic options and I wasn't real thrilled with what they had available. So it was like the thing I got was some kind of a really super sweet thing which I didn't care for so much but at least I had something nice to put in a glass and I did have some non-alcoholic beer I think. I'm pretty sure I had that. I don't really remember. But I definitely enjoy feeling present with my kids and being able to enjoy the time with them playing games. We played a lot of games. Did some puzzles. There are so many other options to do besides drinking but when I was drinking I focused all my activities and thoughts around drinking instead of doing fun things together. And my idea of fun was before let's– what cocktails are we having and that was the fun thing and really just sitting and drinking a drink isn't doing anything. You're just sitting and drinking where now it was like finding activities to do together. So that was really a change for me.

Jules: And I had an actual sober Christmas. It was about five years ago which is my first one. And I'd broken up with my ex-husband and I decided to have Christmas on my own and then realized that I might go a bit mental if I do that. So then I went on a retreat and it was the first time that I'd ever done something like that for myself. Sort of over the Christmas time and for me what I really found– so even though I wasn't completely alcohol-free at the time when I went on retreat it gave me some headspace and it started to make me realize that I can own my own Christmas and I can make it my own and I have quite a sort of challenging feelings around Christmas. I think it can bring up quite a lot of strong emotions. Good ones and bad ones. And at that time, I was holding a lot of heavy emotions. And for me, choosing to go on a retreat I now look back and just realize I think that was really brave. People have this perception that you have to do certain things at Christmas and you can see these people, you have to eat this food and you have to tickle these boxes and then you're a normal person. And I don't tend to follow the normal conventions. So yeah, going on retreat for me, made me realize that I have the courage to do what I want and how I want to do it and choose to be on my own and I spent the whole day in silence. Which was beautiful and really difficult but it really changed my way of thinking about how I want to spend holiday time and how I want to spend Christmas time. And then over the past couple of years on my Sober Curious journey, I've really changed how I view Christmas time now and I've had another Christmas on my own as well a couple of years ago. And again, I just really enjoyed it. I just found for me, it was like this is what I want to do and this is how I want to do it which I've really realized as part of my sober journey. This is mine. And this is how I do it and this is what I want to do. And then last year we had Christmas and I was very much on my sober journey then and I just remember doing yoga with everyone.

Alex: Yeah. 

Jules: And that was just gorgeous. That was, for me, that was a real highlight of my Christmas holidays. I think there were, I don't know maybe 20 of us all in different parts of the world. All sharing– 

Lee: That was awesome.

Jules: It was so beautiful. I really valued having something that's really important to me. Again, shaping my day and we had some relatives around who I think I find quite challenging to be with and spend time with and because I'd already done the things that I do to take care of myself in previous times if I was around people that I find stressful or difficult, I'd have got pissed and blacked out so that I didn't have to deal with them or numb whereas because I chose my day it was like I'm starting my day off with yoga. You do what you need to do. This is what I'm doing. It meant that, my day, I was able to fill my cup in order to manage to be around other people who drained my cup. But I know in the past when I've had difficulties with people and especially around sort of family time and Christmas time, I've just got pissed and gone to sleep so that I didn't have to deal with them whereas because I'd put a plan together and I was in community with people that I really value and respect it meant that I had set up my day and I just yeah, I just owned it. So for me, it's about owning my holidays.

Matt: I agree with that, actually. So many things, what you said Jules I'd totally relate to. I mean, what I would say is from my Christmas Day last year it was everything minus the alcohol but what I've realized is the amount of time was wasted because of the alcohol. Going to the pub the night before getting up, forcing yourself to get up with the kids because they want to get up early and me feeling really hungover and terrible. Then, the morning's kind of wasted sort of, you know, just not present at all. Whereas last year, everything– it was a long day and it was fine. And I didn't fall asleep. Yeah, and I think I remember doing yoga on Christmas day. I really remember doing it on Christmas Eve and all my neighbors were outside on the street because you couldn't socialize inside and they probably shouldn't have all been outside as well but they were making a hell of a noise and I was in here in this room doing yoga. And I remember it being so great because of that. They were all like and they were, I think they thought I was a bit grumpy or something else couldn't be further from the truth. You know, it's like you say, Jules, read people that you sort of love and learn to love and respect or whatever and it was great. We've got to do that again. It was brilliant. 

Alex: Yeah. 

Emma: Lee was saying about getting up in the morning and Jules are saying about, you know, the things that you're expected to do. I think being sober, you can start to craft new sorts of traditions. So in the past two years maybe it's two years because yeah, I've been up and excited like a really annoying child and my boys are like so not getting up anywhere anytime soon and me and my husband go to the beach and swim on Christmas morning just on our own. And then we come back and cook a really lovely breakfast for the boys and then drag them over. And that's like a new tradition and it's sort of yeah, you never stop evolving and changing but just being it actually makes me quite anxious thinking about how rough I would feel and pretending all the time that actually it felt okay but you really, really didn't?

Jules: I had it a couple of years ago where I got incredibly, incredibly, incredibly drunk and it was actually the year that I decided to stop drinking. And then we had some relatives come down the next day and I just lay on the floor. They just found me and I just said I can't move. Don't talk to me. And I had a weighted blanket and I just went, I'm here but I just need to lie on the floor. And that's when I decided to stop drinking. So I was just like I can't do this. I'm 47.

Lee: And people probably thought it was funny.

Jules: Yes. I thought it was funny. I look at it now and just go oh, my God, that's awful. That's awful. But yeah, I thought it was funny. Everyone thought it was funny that I was lying on the floor as a grown-ass adult. 

Lee: Oh my gosh.

Matt: I find that funny about all of us. So we've all known each other for over a year now you know, and we know each other totally sane and sober. I find it really hard to imagine all of us like in holidays drinking and not being like this and what that would be like. I can't imagine any of you being like–

Jules: Messy. 

Matt: It's so weird. 

Jules: It's messy.

Lee: Yeah. That's so true. I was thinking about what you said Emma with letting go of expectations and I know I used to get really, really uptight about having everything perfect and I feel like one of the big things that I've done as part of sobriety is working on my own self-care and letting go of those things and it's been a process for me. But I know through this last Thanksgiving, I felt like it was really awesome that I was able to let go of a lot of those expectations for how things are supposed to be and go with the flow of how things were going along. And I don't think I would have been there and done that if I wasn't sober but being able to let go of that I was so much less uptight and anxious and irritable with the people that I love. And so I was able to be pleasant and enjoy them and not regret things that I said or did during the time that I was with them. Snapping at people and being kind of nasty, I think. 

Emma: Yeah and I think because you know, if you wake up and you're a bit hungover you know, you're sort of I'd go into autopilot mode like you know, and this has got to be done and this got to be done and I've got to get the not braced in and we should have finished present opening now and just because I wasn't comfortable and confident in my own skin you know, all I had to hold on to was you know, we will have a good Christmas because I've got everything under control. Whereas actually, you know, when you like yourself a lot more you can recognize what is really important and it's you know, the structure of the day isn't important, you know, people being happy and doing what everyone wants to do together is really important.

Alex: I was thinking about the whole concept of yoga on the holidays, actually. So where that came from was in 2019. It was my first sober holiday and Christmas itself was hard for me but on New Year's, I saw this event advertised that was Yoga on New Year's. It was this 90-minute thing with this live musician and one of my best friends from high school came and my mom came and it was really funny because they didn't know that it was gonna be hot yoga. I didn't think it was gonna be hot yoga but it was at a hot yoga studio. So that seems obvious in hindsight now but my friend from high school came in her sweatpants and that was really very funny. And my mom and my friend just couldn't stop laughing the whole time because it's just like way beyond, kind of what they had sort of signed up for but it was really funny. And in the end, you know, it was midnight so it was from like 10:30 PM until midnight and I remember just being like wow, I would really love to plan something like this but I just didn't think anyone would want to spend their holiday with me, you know. That's like a pretty big commitment to be like I'm gonna you know, spend this day. And the following year, I think it originally started with just okay, I'm gonna do this New Year's thing and then people were saying you know, could you do something maybe on New Year's Eve or New Year's or sorry, Christmas day, Christmas eve and I realized that there's actually this desire like I thought that everyone would be like oh, this is such an important day that I just have to spend it with my family or whatever but there's actually this desire for us to be together with this kind of other family or this other community of people we love as well. And it was just so beautiful. It was so amazing. So yeah, we'll definitely do it again. We'll have to find a time that works for everyone because now that I've moved from Abu Dhabi, time zones change. But anyway, it was a really nice way to spend my second sober holiday, for sure. 

Lee: Yeah, I thought the goal setting and meditations that you led a meditation on future self, it was around New Year's Day or New Year's eve. I can't remember which but it was really meaningful and I remember we had a sober circle around that time as well and thinking about our intentions for the year was really meaningful to me. I still remember all of that. And sharing the meditation with my daughter and her boyfriend. They got a lot out of that as well. So when we're with family we can introduce them to these things that we're doing that are part of our self-care and allow them to join us and they can understand where we are right now.

Alex: Yeah, my sister and her husband did yoga on Christmas Day. That's the only time they've done yoga with the Mindful Life Practice. So that was pretty special.

Lee: Nice. 

Alex: Yeah. So was there anything in particular that anyone was nervous about around sober holidays, the first sober holiday? 

Emma: Yeah. socializing, going to parties, and not being able to make small talk. I can speak to my friends. I might find it surprising but sometimes I can't be bothered with small talk and I could feel quite clumsy and awkward but what I found surprising that surprised me was that actually, I'm much better at it sober because I actually listen, and actually people just want to talk about themselves. You know, we'd have the initial introductions and then I'd ask a question about something that they said and then there are lots of interesting people and I think possibly you know, previously when I was you know, socializing at Christmas and you know, go to similar friends, I'd maybe stick with my same crowd of people. Not that we've all been in big crowds recently but I'm trying to remember that but actually, I was a better guest because I sort of worked the room a bit more or just you know, made sure that I remember a particular party of a friend who always has her Christmas party. And she is a good friend of mine. You know, I felt that– not responsible but I felt that I could help make sure that everyone had you know, if there was somebody not talking to someone, I'd go up and check they had drinks and things and it was like yeah. So I think I was in more–.

Jules: Make it your party, Emma. That sounds nice.

Emma: Love the old when it comes to party. We've got a pool table as well. I think the energy that I have sober is just, it makes me happier. It makes people around me happier I think or maybe a bit irritated. Just to be very often when we were drinking, our pool table was, you know, my boys and my husband’s and their friend’s domain and then sober, I have a really bad game of pool. I remember one of my sons actually explaining where to hit the ball on and it revolutionized but I’m not a scientist and I was like, I get it now. Okay. It's just those beautiful moments that if I'd been you know, halfway through a bottle of Prosecco or you know, sort of angrily washing up in the kitchen whilst finishing off a bottle of wine with red wine lips like grumpy that everyone else is having fun and I'm just stuck in the kitchen. 

Lee: I haven't hosted a party with friends. I've had Thanksgiving dinner with my family but I haven't hosted a party yet since I've been sober. Have any of you?

Jules: Yeah.

Emma: Yeah. I do, too. So I'm just trying to think we could– actually, have my husband's birthday.

Lee: I was thinking if– I probably would serve alcohol if I could.

Matt: Yeah, you'd have to, really. I guess. I mean, the last party I remember was New year's Day, 2019. So coming up to two years. And yeah, it was just full-on drinking all day. And I think we're going to have a little party in the New Year. Not straight away because everything's gone funny against the Covid but, I think you kind of have to serve wine and stuff. I mean, one of the things that made me nervous actually around Christmas is that my wife, Helen's parents always buy us loads of wine and they'll always send like a couple of boxes of wine. Like, two 12 packs of wine. It's nice. It's been nice over the years you know, and we'll tuck into it and once one of the boxes was gone before even Christmas Day. Last year, even though fewer people were coming and even though there was a doubt whether they were going to come. Four boxes of wine turned up at our house. 48 bottles, right. There's only me and my wife and her parents coming for dinner and then they didn't even come. When the bottles arrived, I said to my mother-in-law, I said “I'm imagining some of that's alcohol-free one''? I said oh, no. I didn't get any. You're still not drinking? So I was nervous that you know, all that wine there. I would be tempted by it and actually, I remember being nervous about it but actually loads of it's still in the house because obviously, my wife didn't drink it. Well, she doesn't drink that much and I didn't have any of it. I remember that but I think if I had a party and lots of people came, there is a little nervousness there about, you know, when you're hosting a party about having a drink yourself, maybe. But also you know, talking about things that surprised me also, I was our next thing to talk about. What surprised me was how much less stress there was about cooking Christmas dinner. And actually this year, I've made more roast dinners than I've ever made because it's not as stressful as I thought it was. It's drinking while you're doing it that makes it stressful. So that really surprised me about Christmas Day because it should be quite joyful preparing all the things. Shouldn't it? And having fun doing it. But yeah, it's not, is it? It's unpleasant. It's an unpleasant thing and you know, it became very you know, sort of regimented and you're always, you're chasing your tail you're never on time, are you? And it's a bit of a stress but not when you're sober, is it?

Emma: It puts the joy back in all these sorts of things that we’re doing for our family and loved ones just because you're not...

Matt: Yes, the tiredness, isn't it? It's the energy, the massive energy that you get. Do you know you get from not drinking and you know, being present you know, presents that Christmas talk about but being present in yourself, it's just yeah? It surprised me how easy it was?

Jules: I think for me it was putting my plans in place. If I have a plan and a structure then I'm fine. If I don't have a structure I'd go doolally. And because I knew that I had the yoga in the morning and then I had certain things during the day to keep me going, I also had quite a few friends and quite a few sorts of support networks to connect with so that if I found anything sort of stressful or challenging I could just Whatsapp or get on Facebook or whatever. But I think when I have a plan and when I also know what I'm gonna drink, so, I bought some really gorgeous, I think it's Three Spirits which is a non-alcoholic drink. Which is gorgeous. So I spent quite a lot of money on some very, very lovely alcohol-free drinks and the same as you, Emma, I really like a nice glass. So I bought myself some really beautiful, goblet glasses so that I felt like I was really treating myself. And we had Calamari for breakfast and I'd usually have champagne or something like that. And I loved that we had Calamari because it's like a proper posh kind of treat and we had oysters and so it's like I really thought about it for quite a few days ahead. What are those things that I now really cherish? What are treats and what are nurturing? I booked myself a massage a couple of days before Christmas. So it's like I spent a while really thinking about what are the things that I really love. They might have nothing to do with Christmas. They might not be related at all but they are related to my self-care. I think Lee said that as well. It's actually, sort of realizing that Christmas for me is about being kind to myself and being kind to others and that might not look like a typical Christmas to other people but I don't really care.

Lee: I think that's really nice. I think about the word indulgences and allowing ourselves some indulgences during the holidays and figuring out what are the things that you want to indulge in for yourself that are really beautiful, nice things that make you feel good whether it's Calamari or a special drink or a massage or–

Matt: Chocolate.

Lee: Whatever it is. Chop some good chocolates. A nap. Whatever. But finding those things that really make you feel good and for everybody, it's going to be different.

Matt: I'm afraid Jules, it sounds great at hers. I just realized how near I am really compared to you. Nice bit of Calamari. 

Jules: We've got Calamari. 

Emma: Did any of you find out how I like food? Food's always important to me. I'm vegetarian. I've been a vegetarian for many years. But it was like the side act to the alcohol and now food taking center stage. Christmas dinner is delicious. I never used to eat because you'd be so full and you know and a half-drunk and just put you know, you're sick of this, oh I'm sick of the side I've been cooking it all day but actually, you know, you don't have to cook it all day. And actually, it's really nice to share a delicious meal.

Lee: I love that. That food takes center stage because that's totally my thing too. My indulgence 

Matt: And it's nice having a nice drink. And I do get that about having a nice glass but at the end of the day when you're sober, you don't drink as much liquid. You don't need– you're only talking about three or four drinks, aren't you?

Jules: Yeah 

Matt: Which is normal behavior. It's not normal to just keep opening a bottle and just drinking it for eight hours.

Emma: And even if it’s alcohol-free stuff, I might have two maximum.

Matt: Or maybe, three.

Emma: Yeah. I mean, I did one. One night over the course of an evening. Have a whole bottle of Nosecco to myself and I woke up the next day with a bit of a sugar headache which was I felt a bit disgusting. But yeah, that was unusual. Normally, I'd want– Nosecco is quite nice and tart. It's not too sweet.

Jules: Matt, I was going to ask you about Guinness. Did you find the holy grail of–

Matt:  Yeah, I did.

Jules: Where did you find it?

Matt:  Yeah, it was available and that's something I will really enjoy at Christmas or you know, it's kind of a winter drink I think Guinness and that's what I will look forward to. And then, I might have one after this podcast actually, guys, I should have brought it with me. 

Lee: I have to ask you about the Guinness. Is it in cans or in bottles?

Matt:  It's in cans and it's not in the USA, yet. If Guinness is listening to this, by the way, I'm very happy to be an ambassador for you and I've sent you messages about this.


Lee: There was someone I was just talking to that was saying how the Guinness and the can or any, like real Guinness in the can in Ireland has really looked down on the can itself is not as good as–

Emma: Which is revolutionized. 

Matt: Well, Lee, if you let me finish my advertisement, for goodness. I would like to say that it works very well in a can and the way they've developed it, it tastes really good. And the can, in the pub they've created a special system to pour it from the can into a glass. And there is a way of pouring it from a can into a glass to get it really good. 

Lee: You have to get just the right amount they had, right? 

Matt: Yeah, you have. What you do is pour it in. I mean, I'll go and do it now if anyone's interested. I'll show you but you have to put it really deep into the glass, so don't pour it from a height, pour it into the– yeah. So anyway, Guinness, if you're listening.

Lee: I need a dab now.

Matt: I will do it.

Emma:  I've got some ordered– my son's bringing some out for me, hopefully. I've ordered it from Morrison's to be delivered to his house. 

Matt: So they started selling it at My Top Shop. So in the UK you know, you have your corner shops. We've got a well-known one, A Londis. They sell it at the top of the road now. They've even got a little alcohol-free section because–

Jules: That’s huge.

Emma: They changed that.

Matt: They changed it. Well, I didn't even tell him to do it and they obviously sensed. I think they go and check the bins and then get stuck in because of that. But Guinness isn't in the states yet. Guinness Sierra 

Lee: No, I haven't seen it but my new favorite being from the States, my new favorite and I'm super excited to be moving to the East Coast because Sam Adams in Boston has put out a new NA beer and it's really good. It's my favorite. 

Matt: Oh, I’d like to get that. 

Lee: Sam Adam's NA. I used to love– what I could get around here mostly was Heineken 0.0 and I like that but Sam Adams is way better. Love it. It's a little bit great. It's got that little bit of tang to it. It's actually pretty light. It's almost like a hazy IPA or something. It's pretty good.

Jules: But we're really lucky though the amount of choices that if you think only a couple of years ago, I remember when I first stopped drinking there was nothing. I just drank soda.

Lee: Only O’Doul’s. 

Jules: Yeah. 

Lee: When I was pregnant I remember there was only O’Doul’s.

Jules: Nothing. 

Lee: I was drinking O’Doul’s when I was pregnant in a restaurant or bar or something and some woman really gave me a hard time about drinking– she thought I was trying to get a real beer and that I was pregnant and drinking and it was a NA beer. But anyway, she reeled into me.

Emma: Oh judging people. My goodness.

Lee: Yes

Emma: Something else that surprised me was how relatively brilliant at charades I am sober. I was like oh, me again. I'm up again. Oh yeah, I was getting really cross and I was loving it because yeah, they're saying their brains were just like walking through treacle, and yes, I was pretty irritatingly great. 

Matt: I was at a Thanksgiving dinner actually the week before last– no it must have been, yeah it's the week before last and our neighbor is American and there are invited couples around those ten of us there. And another friend of mine called Pete was there and he's given up drinking. So it's really nice to be with another guy, another sober guy. I found a really unusual situation and you know by sort of half 10:00, 11:00 like we were ready to go and it's quite noticeable how witty still can be, right. You know, you're still on it in terms of conversation, and we kind of know this, don't we? But it was really nice to share it with someone and he got this like the wine I'd never seen before and it was really, really nice to sort of have someone like that. And I'm hoping that happens more and more, over the years in the holiday sort of season that you start to come across these people. Special people like us.

Emma: Another thing that surprised me was when I was drinking I thought everyone was drinking as much as me. And whilst a lot of my friends and peer group absolutely are and were. Not everyone, I just didn't notice them.

Lee: Totally. Actually, I was surprised how many people actually don't drink that much and how I was the lush of the group pretty much.

Alex: This was a lot of fun. 

Matt: A lot of stuff. 

Alex: Did you have one more thing to share, Matt?

Matt: No. I was just gonna say that I imagine that all of us, we all probably think that we were the ones drinking the most but maybe we weren't. Maybe everyone thought that. They were all the ones. I don't know because you wouldn't really know, would you? I genuinely think I used to drink more than most people but maybe not.

Jules: Yeah. No, I did. I definitely, did. I’ll tell people to drink as well and if they weren't drinking I was like, come on drink.

Emma: Alcohol pusher.

Lee: My nickname was pusher by my husband and even to my kids who were underage I was pushing them to drink. Proud mom moments.

Matt: Do you know, we should do obviously we're not gonna drink? We should find video footage of us talking when we're drunk and send it to each other.

Jules: Oh my god.

Matt: I mean, at my 40th birthday party I did a speech and I don't remember doing it. I remember getting everyone's attention by doing a teach thing again. High five. And then I don't remember it at all. And I'm going to get hold of that speech.

Lee: I don't know if I have any.

Alex: I have a video that I made. This is the stupidest thing. I used to make videos at high school parties. Like I used to– just like on my little digital camera. And one of my friends– I got this video clip of her trying to convince us to come on the grad trip to Punta Cana which she didn't end up coming on the trip which is the funniest part. But in the video she said, it's gonna be awesome. We're gonna be drunk 24/7. Hammered all the time. And we thought this slogan was the funniest thing. So I would go around at high school parties and convince people to say it either with me or I would assemble. I would assemble a group of people to all shout it and then I literally produced a video of like 40 clips of different people shouting this thing. It's so ridiculous. I bet I could find it somewhere.

Lee: Drunk 24/7. Sandwich all the time.

Alex: This is what I was known for and that's why I have a “Sober Yoga Girl” podcast.

Emma: My goodness like those like yeah there's extra bottles of wine you'd have out at dinner. Oh, another bottle, and then someone on the table would want another but then just all of the wine here in the use. So it's like 50 pounds for a very average bottle of wine.

Jules: Wow.

Emma: Yeah. Like 250 Dirhams, Alex? That's not unusual, is it?

Lee: Yeah I thought I was quite a Wine Connoisseur and I wouldn't buy any wine less than 20 US dollars a bottle. And so I would go to the grocery store and buy a case at a time always because you get a case discount and then people would oftentimes comment on oh, you're having a party and I'm thinking no, it's just for me. Like for this week, basically.

Matt: Do you know, the funny thing is talking about what it was like when we used to drink, is it? It's like now we're sober, we're adults but when we look back it's like that was like being a kid.

Jules: Oh yeah.

Emma:  I'm really such a child. And I really didn't know myself at all or not as much as I do now. I wasn't as honest with myself and other people. So I'm really, really grateful.

Matt: The end.

Alex: The end. Is there anything else anyone wants to share to feel complete?

Jules: I think the most important thing is the plan. Put a plan together. Put contingency plans so that if anything goes a bit tips up have a support network whatever that is for you. So whether that's a therapist or a friend or a Facebook support group. But have people that you can just connect with just so that if you have a bit of a wobbly time especially if you're early on in your sobriety. Christmas, I think it's really hard I think it can be really, really hard and really testing. So I would really recommend putting a plan together. Treat yourself in whatever ways you can. Being really kind and compassionate to yourself and giving yourself space to cry or to breathe or whatever you need to do just to support yourself. I think it can be very triggery especially if you've got challenging situations with your families. So again, put those things in place that you know will take care of you whether that's journaling or running. I've got quite a few friends who are runners so as soon as it got stressful at Christmas with family they'd just run. And that was their thing. So whatever it is for you that allows you to be kind to yourself and compassionate to yourself and don't be afraid but convention, you don't have to do what everyone else is doing. You know, other people are going to parties. You don't have to do what other people are doing. I think that for me is the biggest thing about sobriety is that I am becoming more and more strong in self-advocating and what I want and how I live. And I think that at Christmas you know, you can make it your own we've had Christmas as well we've had a big Indian dinner feast and some friends are having Christmas Mexican. It's like, make it your own. Who says we have to do it in a specific, traditional, conventional way. You know some friends go swimming in the sea. You know, spend Christmas with your dog. Whatever works for you really but make sure that you're doing what you need to take care of yourself. And believe in father Christmas.

Emma: Yeah. Leave him milk, not Cherry. 

Jules: Yeah. And carrots. 

Matt: Father Christmas is a lot healthier because of all the non-drinkers. Much less alcohol. 

Alex: All right. Well, thank you all so much for another amazing panel episode. That was a lot of fun. I really appreciate you guys coming on. And looking forward to doing another one. If anyone listening has any topics, ideas, any questions for us, send them our way because we will definitely be coming back with more panel episodes in the future. 

Emma: Thanks, guys. Thanks, Alex. Thank you. 

Alex: Thanks for being here, Emma. Bye.

Outro: Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of "Sober Yoga Girl" with Alex McRobs. I am so, so grateful for every one of you. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one and leave a review before you go. See you soon. Bye.