Izzy's Sparkly N/A Journey

Intro
Hi friend, this is Alex McRobs, founder of "The Mindful Life Practice" and you're listening to the "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast. I'm a Canadian who moved across the world at age 23 and I never went back. I got sober in 2019 and I realized that there was no one talking about sobriety in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, so I started doing it. I now live in Bali, Indonesia, and full-time run my community, "The Mindful Life Practice". I host online sober yoga challenges, yoga teacher trainings, and I work one on one with others, helping them break up with booze for good. In this podcast, I sit down with others in the sobriety and mental health space from all walks of life and hear their stories so that I can help you on your journey. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.

Alex
Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of "Sober Yoga Girl". I'm Alex McRobs, your host. And before I get this episode started, I just want to remind you that we've launched a new free, Sober Curious Facebook group, and we actually just hit 1000 members on the weekend, which is really, really exciting. So if you're listening to the show, if you're not yet in the group, I invite you to hop in there, join, introduce yourself and connect because it's really an amazing international community in there. All right. Without any further ado, I want to introduce today's guest. So I have Izzy with me today. And Izzy, I just realized, I don't even know how to say your last name. I usually ask people before--

Izzy
Yeah, it's pretty complicated. van Zuilen.

Alex
van Zuilen. I would have never gotten that. Izzy van Zuilen.

Izzy
That's right.

Alex
Okay, cool. Izzy and I have known each other for I think, about maybe eight months? I think you joined us last summer in the Mindful Life Practice. And Izzy was brand new to yoga at that point. She joined our Sober yoga, and she also runs Sober retreats. And so I'm just super excited to chat with her and kind of hear more about her story today. So welcome, Izzy. How are you?

Izzy
Thank you so much. Yes, I'm good. Thank you. How are you?

Alex
I'm good. So maybe before we start, you could just kind of tell me a bit about yourself, like, where are you based? Kind of a little bit about what makes you you, you?

Izzy
Yeah, of course. Yes. Okay. Well, my name is Izzy. I'm originally from Amsterdam, born and raised. In 2006, I moved to Spain because I started working in Gibraltar, and, well, I've been away from Holland ever since. I lived in Spain for three years, then five years in Malta, and I'm back in Spain, the Marbella area. What do I do? Well, should I say something about my drinking first? Maybe? How did it all start?

Alex
Yeah. Wherever you want to start. Absolutely.

Izzy
Yeah. So from Amsterdam, there was a big drinking culture. So when I was about 15, I started drinking at parties, of course, like high school and things like that. Just like all my 15-year-old friends did, really. But it was soon very clear that I did not possess that so-called stop button, unfortunately. So I used to be, most of the time, the drunkest, the latest. I wanted to keep going, going and going. That has always been there, but you know, that's just kind of accepted for a long time during studying as well. It keeps going, you know. But then at some point, my hangovers became really bad, like, really depressing. And I think because my mom was an alcoholic, too, she, unfortunately, passed six years ago, way too young due to alcoholism and smoking. They became really depressing and severe. And I was, like, out of the picture for two to three days after a proper binge session. And at some point, it just kind of wasn't working anymore. Yeah, I just was like, this is not working. But anyway, by that time I had a kid, I have a 13-year-old daughter now. So when I stopped two years ago that day, two and a half years ago, now, more or less, I had the hangovers of all hangovers. It was like literally, the day before I had a bottle of Cava with lunch with friends, which ended in more drinks with other people, more drinks with other friends. Casino until 04:00 A.M. That night. So I literally had a drinking session for 15 hours. 04:00 A.M. Stumbled to bed, the next day I was obviously spending like 36 hours in bed only coming out for puking. A great example for my daughter, not so much. So I really decided this, I can't do this anymore because I didn't plan that day to be so long. And sometimes I had a few drinks and I was fine, but I just never kind of knew where it would end. And at some point, I was sick of having no control over myself like that. So, yeah, I stopped. So that was like two and a half years ago. Well, to be honest, I did two and a half years ago, on the 4th of May 2019, I see the start of my proper sober journey because since then I haven't drunk a drop outside an airplane. But up till four months ago, I did drink on the airplane, but I don't do that anymore either. So now, sober since the 22nd of November last year.

Alex
That's amazing.

Izzy
But it feels more like longer. Do you know what I mean?

Alex
Yes.

Izzy
Yeah.

Alex
And I love that you shared that because I just had this conversation with someone on Facebook today where I posted something, a clip from my uncle when he came on the show and he was talking about you know, there's no cookie-cutter way and you don't have to say forever. And someone on my Facebook was saying, well, I personally think that you have to decide one day you're quitting forever. I've never seen this soft approach ever work. And I said, well, it works for me. It worked for my uncle. And you are another great example of it worked for you. You know you were like, I want to be sober, but this is the one thing that I'm not ready to part ways with. And that's okay because that was just your way of doing things. And here you are two and a half years later and now you've been completely sober. And so I don't think there's any right or wrong way to do this thing, you know. I think it's really amazing that you're kind of sharing your version of it because every version of sobriety is valid and amazing, you know.

Izzy
So different, isn't it. I'm glad you say that. That's good to hear.

Alex
Yeah.

Izzy
Not everybody thinks that way. Some people really think black and white, don't they?

Alex
Yeah.

Izzy
Before, everybody should do their own way at their own pace, you know, with their own help. Books, people, therapists, AA, no AA, whatever right, that works. Yeah, I'm totally for that.

Alex
Yeah. So speaking of strategies, what did you use when you quit? Were you part of any groups, any communities? What did you do?

Izzy
Well, I must say the biggest, biggest thing. So I stopped in May 2019. And then that summer was kind of difficult still. But I read by then a lot of Quick Lits, loads of books. By now, I think I read like 30 or something. But back then already I was really into reading a lot. And in November that year, I started my blog. Just like I thought because I really started liking it, I dived into the world of non-alcoholic drinks, which I really liked. And I was really happy at that point. When I stopped, after a few months, I was like, yeah, this is really cool. I want to share it. So I started this blog, wrote a little bit about it. And then a few weeks later, I think I started an Instagram account. And I was always totally anti-social media, completely. I was off Facebook. I was nowhere to be found. If you would have Googled between a half years ago, nothing would come up. But now it's like Instagram, Facebook, everywhere. So I started Instagram in Summer and wow, for me, it was mind-blowing. Like the community, how the people I met there, the connection you get with people, it's like, wow, there are people like me. You know, I was really like the only one in my whole environment in real life that stopped drinking. So everybody was like, proud and supportive and really cool about it, but nobody really got me, you know what I mean? And on Instagram, we got these stories that you can relate to, not with all of them you can relate, but all of them, they teach you so much stuff and you meet all these people. So, yeah, ever since I started the Instagram account, I was like, wow, I immersed myself in sobriety even more. So I did the blog, Instagram account, and I just tried every single alcohol-free drink in the world, more or less by now because I have a huge bar card with all the non-alcoholic wines, spirits, everything. So it's also one of my life missions to try every single non-alcoholic bubbly there is. That was my favorite. Pink champagne. And I drink Pink Champagne without alcohol, which is amazing. Love it.

Alex
Amazing. And I honestly got shivers when you talk about the sober Instagram community because I honestly believe people that are not part of sober Instagram just have no idea how-- it just like cocoons you. Everyone is just like, together, supporting each other, loving each other. It's just the most amazing thing. And I think that's how we connected on sober Instagram. And I love seeing all of your mocktail videos. I used to be really into mocktails, actually. I've been watching them, all those old videos, and I'm like, I should get into that again.

Izzy
One day, when we have more time.

Alex
Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

Izzy
Now it's amazing, isn't it? That was the first time that I really didn't feel alone in my journey, in my decision to stop drinking. Like, oh, man, the support and kindness of people. It's just amazing. Yeah.

Alex
Tell me about what has inspired you to start leading sober retreats?

Izzy
Oh, yes. Well, it came a bit like, so I started my blog, then I started Instagram accounts, then I was all into non-alcoholic drinks. So I was thinking maybe I should start selling that or do a shop or this and that. But I was like, no, I just want to drink them. So I didn't do that. And then at some point, I was like, oh, my God, this is so amazing. Having met all these people online and such a nice community. But it would also be nice to meet some of them or at least provide a platform for people to meet each other. And then I meet them too, which is nice. In real life. Right. And then I was thinking, well, what would I like? What do I miss? What would I like to see? Like sunshine, swimming pool, sober people, nice drinks, nice activities. So why not just do it, you know? So I thought, I'm just going to organize it and then see if there are any, you know, demands. And, well, I haven't done the first one yet because the first one was supposed to be last year in September. But because of the travel restrictions, they were still quite high and all that. So I decided to postpone that one. So now my first one is in May. So excited. And it's almost full. I have one room left with two spots and that's it.

Alex
Incredible. That's so incredible, Izzy. That's amazing.

Izzy
And you're doing them already, right? Isn't it, like, amazing to do?

Alex
It's incredible. So I started a little bit small. I was doing little weekends in the UAE and so my first big ones are coming up. Like, I have a group coming actually at the end of next month. No, it's May. It's not next month. It's May. But they'll be coming for a week to Bali and it's like a life dream of mine. I just can't even believe it's happening.

Izzy
Amazing. And what in Mexico is well you said, no?

Alex
Mexico in June. Yeah.

Izzy
So cool. Yeah, it's amazing. I look so forward to-- one day, I will make it to one of yours.

Alex
Yes. And me to yours as well.

Izzy
Maybe we can do a swap.

Alex
Or maybe we could do one together.

Izzy
Yes. That would be awesome, too.

Alex
You bring the mocktails, I bring the yoga. Yoga and mocktails.

Izzy
Yeah, you bring the yoga, I do the drinks. We will organize together. That would be amazing. I would love that.

Alex
So fun. Yeah. So tell me about your sobriety, what have been the hardest parts of it?

Izzy
Well, it was hard for a long time. Like, I started drinking, that's at 15 up to my maybe the first five years were problem-free, but anytime after that, I kind of realized already that I had an issue and I didn't have a healthy relationship with alcohol. So ever since now, definitely since my early 20s, I've had dry spells. I stopped for a while. I've been in therapy. For a while, I went to-- it's not AA, but it's kind of like an organization in Holland from the government for addictions. And I had OCD as well. So it was awfully connected, I think, because my brain is always like, oh, so everything needs to be like this and that. Just to relax, you know. So I let it all out when I was drinking. So I think it was connected. So I was in therapy for that a while but that's a long time ago, man. It's more than 20 years ago. But I did that for, like, I think a small year, eight months, 12 months or something? Did that but then at some point, I stopped drinking for a year. I got back to it. So, yeah, I tried to stop so long, so many times, and especially the last five to ten years before I quit. Oh, my God, I'm so fucking old. The last five to ten years, it was really like I stopped for quite a long time. But then I was like, oh, my best friends are coming. We're going to have bubbles. And then I was like, you know, I'm doing so well. I can have one. Well, you know how it is. So many people do that. I can have one now. I'm good with this moderation thing and do that, went okay for a while. And then back, completely hammered, huge hangover. And I was like, I need to stop drinking. I'm never drinking again. I did that for that case. So it was hard for a long time to stop. But since May 2019, I was just done. I was so fucking done. I had dropped enough for the rest of my life. So, I'm sorry, mate. You can cut that swear words.

Alex
It's okay. The podcast is E for explicit.

Izzy
That was hard to stick with it. So it wasn't hard for me to stop because I was a binger. So I could easily go a few weeks or a few months without that. Didn't bother me at all as long as I knew I could start again. So sticking to not drinking, that was my hardest thing. And it only stopped now because I was just ready for it, I think. Yeah. And because I now have so much connection and more wisdom. I read so many books. I listen to people, you know. I just evolved.

Alex
What's your favorite Quit Lit book?

Izzy
"The Sober Diaries" from Clare Pooley. I love that so much.

Alex
You know, I had her on the podcast a couple of weeks ago.

Izzy
Yes. I still must watch that. It's on my to-watch list. How is she? Is she awesome?

Alex
It was amazing. Yeah. It was so incredible. What I appreciate about her is that she's just so down to Earth and relatable. And she actually even said that she would come to a book club meetings. We did it for our book club book.

Izzy
Oh, wow.

Alex
So, yeah, that's what I really like about her, because I think sometimes, I know I've reached out to other authors and they haven't been able to make the time to be on the podcast, which is fine, because I'm sure they have a ton of things. But I just love the way she immediately was like, yeah, let's get a date in the diary. Filled out the form. Like, it just really shows that her heart is in the place of, like, connecting with people that love her book, which I really respect about her.

Izzy
Yeah, me too. I really like that. Not everybody's like that. I'm not going to mention names, but another book I read, first of all, I didn't really like the book. It was too, whatever. I didn't really like it. But then also, she literally said in her book, I think it was or in one of her posts, I don't know. I followed her as well. Yeah, I don't respond to messages. I just have to put my boundaries and this and that. But I understand that you don't maybe have time to respond to millions of messages because you have a life and you have to have boundaries. Of course, I understand that. But it felt like she was really not even appreciating all her fans or all the people that love what she does. And it kind of felt like she didn't have any respect for the people that kind of made her or, you know what I mean? Like, made her success, makes her so big. It's like, yeah, disappointing. I find that. So that's really cool that Clare Pooley does that. I like that.

Alex
Yeah, I totally agree. What would you say have been, like, the best or most rewarding parts of your sober journey?

Izzy
Where do I start? I feel so happy that I'm a sober role model for my daughter, obviously, because I didn't have that. And that kind of made my youth quite hard, to be honest. Thank God I had that. Well, my mother, first of all, she died already, so I don't want to speak badly after that. She was an alcoholic and she couldn't be a pain in the ass. And she was a horrific woman when she was drunk, but she was the most beautiful soul when she was sober. She was the sweetest lady ever. But still, we have a tough relationship. It's tough. But my father was like, or is a really stable person, loving father. So that was lucky. But I want to give my daughter a sober mom. So I'm very, very, very happy to be there for her. Most of all what else? I feel clear, I feel active, I feel happier. I feel so many things. It's hard to say, but I finally kind of know-- I have the feeling that I'm going somewhere, you know. That I'm evolving, that I'm like, yeah. I don't know. I find life way more interesting. It was also always the same. You do this and this, but now it's all new stuff, and I reach and I don't know, I just feel more like I'm developing myself.

Alex
Yeah.

Izzy
Which I like.

Alex
That's amazing. And I think one of the best things that parents can do is be that sober role model. I just got shivers when you talk about that, because I think kids are not going to remember what you say to them, but they're going to remember what you do. Right. So if you're role modeling a really happy life and sobriety, that is going to have such an impact on her.

Izzy
I think so, yeah, I think so. My husband does drink, but way less than before because we used to go out together, you know. So that doesn't happen anymore. So he still drinks when he goes out with friends and stuff, but at home, he drinks a lot less. And I also think it's good for my daughter to see there are possibilities. I mean, my husband does drink a bit, and he's happy. I don't drink at all. And I'm happy. So, you know, I don't want to make her say, oh, you cannot ever drink, whatever. I'm going to give her options, you know. But I just want her to show that it's really possible. It's not a necessity in life, drinking because it's always so everywhere, isn't it? Still?

Alex
Yeah.

Izzy
Although I have a feeling we're heading somewhere now with our little takeover.

Alex
We are.

Izzy
We are taking over the world.

Alex
We are taking over the world. Every day, I see a sober bar pop up. Have you been following all these sober bars?

Izzy
Yes. It's amazing.

Alex
Everywhere. It seems like every state is getting a sober bar. And I really feel when I have children, so I'm turning 30 this year, and I think I'll probably have children in the next--

Izzy
It's so nice and young.

Alex
Anyway. Yes, so young. But I think I'll have kids like, you know, hopefully, in the next five years if I meet someone. But I like to imagine that my children are going to be shocked when they find out what drinking was like. When I tell them about it, they're going to be like horrified. And that's like the kind of world that I want them to grow up in you know, where drinking is almost like smoking, which is like--

Izzy
Yeah, exactly.

Alex
Is not seen as a healthy thing to do anymore, you know. And I really think that's the direction we're going in. Absolutely.

Izzy
It would be amazing. Exactly. You can proudly say, I don't drink. Well, I already said proudly, but that people actually say back, like, oh, wow, that's so good. Instead of why, why. Progress. That would be.

Alex
It's progress.

Izzy
Totally.

Alex
So I'm going to post-- when I do this episode, I'm going to share your links to all of your information, like your Instagram, your website, anything. If anyone wants to do one of Izzy's retreats, go check her out. I'll share those links there. And I just want to ask you one last question, which would be if you had any piece of wisdom for someone who is in the early days of their sober journey, what wisdom would you give them?

Izzy
I would personally give it like a time. Either, say at least three months, though, a year would be ideal. Just say, I'm not going to drink for a year. After that, completely start again if you want. If you think you like your life better, like as drinking, do it, but decide on either three months or a year and do that. And then you just realize how amazing it is because it's hard to explain, isn't it? It's so easy to say life is amazing, but you have to experience yourself. But most people, if you're going to say, I'm going to never drink again, you go like, that made me very nervous for a long time. So, yeah, I would stick to a certain time frame and then stick to that and then think after that I can start again. Yeah. I don't know. Do you know what I mean?

Alex
Absolutely.

Izzy
A year would be amazing. A year you can fully, fully find out all the amazing things that will happen to you when you're done drinking. But three months is a good start, I guess. Don't you think three months?

Alex
Absolutely. And so this is what I did. I started with 28 days, and then I hadn't even finished. I think I was maybe around ten, 11, 12 days into it where I said, okay, look, I need to do 90. And then by the time I hit like 50, I was like, yeah, I'm doing the full year. And then once you've done a full year, what it is, is like in the calendar year, you're going to experience every event sober, like Halloween, New Year's, Christmas, whatever holidays are. And you're going to have a whole-- even like a wedding, you know. You'll have a whole calendar experience of like, what is my life? So I totally agree with you on that. A year, I think it's a really key thing to kind of map it out on.

Izzy
Yeah, that's true. Because after every first you get stronger in your sobriety, don't you? You're like, oh, my first wedding, I did it and I had fun. And then after everything, you go so strongly, you get so confident in your sobriety. It's amazing. Yeah, that's true. 90 days is the thing as well, isn't it? 90 days. A lot of people have programs like that, don't they?

Alex
Yeah.

Izzy
Yeah, 90 days. Yeah. So that would be my tip. Stick to a certain timeframe and take it from there.

Alex
I love it.

Izzy
And drink lots of alcohol-free drinks if you're-- well, maybe not. I don't know, but I like it. It helped me a lot.

Alex
I used to love them, too, actually. I really need to get into it again in Bali. It's just going to involve a bit more creativity on my part. Like in Abu Dhabi, you could buy all the, you know, Elderflower, Cordial, or all the things that were there in Abu Dhabi. Here in Bali is a bit more DIY.

Izzy
In Bali, do they have any alcohol-free wines or spirits?

Alex
No, they have an alcohol-free of local beer. But it really just tastes like a soda. It's not really a malt drink but you know what? They have a lot of wonderful fresh juices. So they do have a lot-- everything is super just like healthy here, you know. So I think maybe that's it. The mocktails are just like a lot of sugar but you can't get mocktails at most restaurants because a lot of people in Ubud where I live are sober. They're like sober yogis you know. There are lots of options. It's just not like Heineken Zero which is like my-- I'm a Heineken Zero. But there are options. Yeah.

Izzy
You should ask all your retreat guests to bring nice drinks.

Alex
Or maybe I'll bring some from-- when I go to Dubai.

Izzy
Yes. You're going back to Dubai?

Alex
Yeah.

Izzy
It's really nice.

Alex
Fill up a bag.

Izzy
Yeah. Good idea.

Alex
Well, this was amazing, Izzy. Thank you so much for taking your time being on the show and it was really nice to hear your story because I feel like I know you so well as my yoga student but we've never actually sat down and talked before. So this is really amazing.

Izzy
True. Thank you so much for having me.

Alex
Thank you for coming on and I will speak to you soon.

Izzy
See you on the mat.

Alex
Bye.

Izzy
Bye.

Outro
Hi friend, thank you so much for listening to this episode of "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast. This community would not exist without you, so thank you for being here. It would be massively helpful if you subscribe to this show and leave a review so that we can reach more people. And if we haven't met yet in real life, please come hop on Zoom at "The Mindful Life Practice" because the opposite of addiction is connection. Sending you love and light wherever you are in the world.