"Imagine the Possibility in Letting Alcohol Go" with Kate Lindley

Intro
Welcome to the "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019. And now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.

Alex
Alright. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of "Sober Yoga Girl". I am super excited to be sitting down today with Kate Lindley. And Kate is a Mindset coach and she is based in Dubai. And what I've love about Kate is that we have kind of a similar journey, similar story in that we were both teachers in Kuwait and then teachers in the UAE and now pursuing the career of coaching. So I think it's going to be a really awesome conversation today. So welcome, Kate. How are you?

Kate
Thank you so much, Alex. Thank you for having me on your podcast. I'm doing very well. I'm super excited going on vacation tomorrow and yeah, high vibe, feeling great.

Alex
Amazing.

Kate
How are you?

Alex
I'm good. I know you're going to Sri Lanka, which is one of my favorite places. And I know one of your favorite places too. That will be amazing.

Kate
Super paradise. Ready to chill and have different landscape, be by the ocean and just relax. Yes.

Alex
Awesome. So Kate, why don't we start off? I know a lot about you, but I was wondering if you could tell our audience or our community a little bit about yourself. So where you're from, where you're based, whatever you want to share.

Kate
So I'm Canadian. I grew up in Canada and I've been living outside of Canada for about ten years, teaching and traveling. So traveling is my passion. Teaching is my career. And so I've been an international ex-pat for some time. I first moved to Korea in 2011 and then to Turkey. I worked on a cruise ship. I lived in Kuwait and now I'm residing in the beautiful country of UAE and I've been here for the past four years.

Alex
Wow. Wait, you worked on a cruise ship?

Kate
I did, yeah.

Alex
I had no idea.

Kate
Yeah. I think that was 2012. So it was based out of Miami and then New Orleans and New York City. So I got to see most of the Caribbean Islands. Yeah, it was a beautiful experience. Yeah.

Alex
Wow, that's amazing. What did you do on the cruise ship?

Kate
So I was a youth counselor and it was like a glorified babysitter, let's say. So when parents wanted to go out and have dinner or go to the club on the ship, they would bring their kids to the facility, and then we would have a whole bunch of different themes and fun games and things for them to do. So yeah, that's great.

Alex
Wow.

Kate
Basically like a babysitter, but that much more special. Yeah, it was great. And I met a lot of people, international people. That was kind of my second experience being exposed to such a diverse group. And yeah, it just really opened my eyes to different cultures, which is amazing.

Alex
Wow. That's so cool.

Kate
Yeah. Thanks.

Alex
So tell me a bit about your drinking story. When did you start drinking?

Kate
Okay, so this brings me back to grade nine. So I started drinking in grade nine. That was the first time when I got drunk with my best friend, Fireball Whiskey. I cannot forget that because you're on a small beach in Canada. Yeah. My journey with drinking is not a pleasant one, let's say. I drank to get drunk, and I'm very impulsive and very excited when I drink. And so, yeah, it was a very tumultuous relationship. I thought I could make it work and just have casual drinks this and that. But from the start, it was very toxic, let's say. Yeah, it was a toxic relationship, which I knew maybe not right away, but as the years went by, I knew that it was something that energetically speaking, and for my physical body, just everything. It didn't make sense for me to drink. So, yeah, throughout high school, I would go to Benders University. I was like four nights a week I would go out to different bars and clubs and, yeah, basically just get shit-faced and then have to pay for it the next day because I have a very sensitive body and it led to a bad health condition. I have chronic gastritis now, so altogether, yeah, it's just not meant for me. So it has been a really tumultuous relationship, and I'm very grateful and I'm very happy with myself and my development and my understanding about myself and my ability to let it go.

Alex
Yeah. Which is huge.

Kate
Yeah. Been really hard. In Turkey, so I lived in Turkey for six months. That was also a very dark time in my life, drinking in order to escape from my current reality. And then when I left Turkey, I was sober for about nine months. It was like an on and off journey of, like, okay, binge drinking or like, trying to drink less and then just none at all. And then slowly, slowly, I realized, like, okay, Vodka is not working for me, Rhum is not working for me, because my body just couldn't take it. I used to get rashes and was just very sick the next day, like, I'm not joking when I say I was hungover from 07:00 A.M. to 07:00 P.M., vomiting beside the toilet. Full disclosure. I'm just going to be very honest. It really, really broke down my body and I have the ramifications of that, let's say because I have chronic gastritis. So I really just had to keep myself in check. So, yes. Would you like me to speak a little bit about how I became fully sober?

Alex
Yeah, that would be great.

Kate
As I said, I went from drinking to not drinking back and forth. That was about I would say like eight years, maybe even ten years. And then I did a lot of self-reflection whenever I was writing things like, okay, what are you holding onto? What do you need to let go of? It was always alcohol. I was always like, and the way my brain works, I'm very much like a fatalist person. I knew that something really bad was going to happen, and I just had this inner desire to let it go. But it was just because of my lifestyle and the normalized fashion of drinking. It was just really hard until I went to New York City. This was in 2019? Yeah, 2019. I went to New York City. I met this energy healer worker lady. I was very drawn towards her. I remember when I reflect on it, I had just done a tarot card reading a day before. And then the next day, I went to this beautiful booth, and I was just so drawn to it, I was like, okay, I really need to spend time with this lady. I met her, and she said, let's just have a full awakening, an energetic awakening, a spiritual awakening, whatever you want to call it. So I was like, you know what? I'm 110% in. Let's do it. The first thing she said is, okay, what's holding you back from tapping into your highest self to becoming your full potential to live in your Dharma, this and that. And I was like, okay, the number one thing is alcohol. Alcohol is literally bringing me down. I'm here, when I drink it brings me down way lower, let's say. And then vibrationally, when I don't drink, I'm much higher. So I was like, it's the one thing that's bringing me down. That was July 2, 2019. And since then, I haven't had a single drop. So, yeah, it was just like, from that was just the catalyst to like, this is the time. And I just felt in my heart, like, out of your own self-respect. And this is what it comes down to when I tell people and share my story, I say it's about self-respect because what I was doing was so toxic and so, yeah, destructive. It was destructive behavior. And so the amount of stories I can't even like, I can't even count how many stories I have about these bad situations I got myself into. And as I mentioned about my adverse reaction to my physical body that alcohol had on me. So, yeah, since then, it's been like an upward trajectory, let's say. And so when I also explain this to people, I like to say it's like a two-fold path, right? So one way is like, okay, I know it's a dark place. Yeah. Maybe it's fun at the moment. Maybe I'm having a great time. Maybe I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone, being more extroverted, this and that, and then it can lead to a lot more, like getting in danger, this and that. It sounds a little bit extreme, but it's really not because it could be fatal, too. I got to a point where I got two concussions. I went to jail making very unwise choices. Not anything too bad. It was fine. Just about a taxi, run away from a taxi, anyway. And then the other side is just like, sorry, a lot of stories. And then on the other hand, in the other way, it's like unlimited potential. Like, honestly, you can do anything. You're going to be sober, sober-minded. No hangover. You have more clarity. It's just all together because, you know, like alcohol, it's toxic, it's a poison. It brings out the worst in people. If you're able to drink within reason, then amazing. Kudos to you. That's fine. I'm not going to shame anyone who still drinks. But at the same time, for me, it just made me such a better person. To be sober, it's so much better for myself. And just last point on this. So thinking I'm very much a believer in past lives and trauma and past lives. And I feel like I've carried some trauma or traumatic experiences from my past life into this life. And I've done enough self-work to understand that. I feel like it's my purpose to develop myself enough so that I can shed all these things that I was bringing from the past and evolved myself in such a way that I can become an even more amazing soul for my next life when I reincarnate again. So that in itself brings me so much joy and makes me so happy knowing that however, whatever form I take when I reincarnate my soul will be, you know, that much better. Yeah.

Alex
That's beautiful.

Kate
Thank you.

Alex
Kate, I loved the way you described it being this two-fold path because that's totally what it is, right. There's the one direction where it can be, you know, hangover and partying and taking risks and, like, you think it's fun at the moment, but there's so much harm surrounding it. And then there's the other side, which is just I love how you said unlimited potential. And I think so many people can relate to that. Right. It's like so many people become sober and their lives just transform overnight. And it's not a coincidence that this is happening simultaneously with quitting drinking. Right?

Kate
Exactly. It's just a perspective shift. Right. When you think about that, and then it's just so empowering to know that you don't have alcohol to bring you down anymore.

Alex
Right.

Kate
Which is great. That in itself is enough for me.

Alex
I have a random question for you. So you're the only other guest that I've had on the show that has lived in Kuwait, which is an alcohol-free country. And so I was wondering what your experience was like when you said that you were moving to Kuwait. Did you have any fear around it being alcohol-free? What were your feelings around that?

Kate
True. Well, to be very honest, I chose-- one of the reasons why I chose to move to Kuwait was to slow down and to let that after partying part go. Yeah. So I strategically chose Kuwait instead of other countries where alcohol is readily available because I wanted to slow it down. Because I knew that that was something that was bringing me down. I need to become more focused and less focused on party atmosphere and alcohol and just focus more on my career, let's say. So I decided that because I knew it was a dry country, and that in itself, I was super happy about.

Alex
That's really interesting because I had such a different relationship with it because I had no intentions of slowing down. And so I was like, dreading the fact that Kuwait was alcohol-free. And everyone kept telling me, you know, you know it's alcohol-free, right? How are you going to survive? And so I had such a dynamic with that part of it. So I was just curious if you experienced that the same way. But that's really interesting that you chose it for that purpose.

Kate
Yes. I was like, okay, this makes sense. I can move there. I can save money. I'm working at a Canadian bilingual school, so the curriculum made sense, and I stayed there for three years. It has many positives, but altogether was not the place for me. So I decided to leave, but it served me well for three years. But still when I went on vacation, so, you know, being a teacher, I had a lot of vacation time. So when I did vacation, I did drink. But yeah, altogether it was good to have the day-to-day experience there with sober living. And that was it.

Alex
And how was your experience then moving to the UAE with the brunches and the ladies' nights? Do you find that difficult?

Kate
Yeah, my first year here, I'll be very honest was a little bit of a blur. Yeah. I was very much into the party scene, going out, maybe not every weekend, but when I did, see, that's the problem, that was the problem. When I did go out, I don't have a limit. You know, those people that are like, I'm just going to go for one. Oh, no, that's not Kate. Kate goes for like, okay. Says she's going to go for one, and then it turns into Jagermeister shots. Okay. This and that. Like, a very heavy alcohol that will just make me blackout. So I made some very unsafe choices. And yeah, I'm happy that within this time, because of Dubai. Well, Dubai is whatever you want it to be. You can spend all your time partying or you can do other things like now have evolved in the vegan community, yoga community, this and that. But at first, yeah, I was very much overconsuming and indulging too much, especially the brunches, because as you know, it's very good in the atmosphere. You can literally just have as much as you want. And for me, that was the thing as well. I just didn't know the limit. And I was drinking very fast and I got super excited. And part of my personality, especially when I'm drinking, I'm an instigator. So I'm not like one person. I would say like, oh, I think you should. No, I'm literally like, oh, let's have another shot. Another shot. Yeah. I would just get into the mood of it.

Alex
And I love what you said there, of Dubai is whatever you want it to be. And I think that's true about every place in the world because I met this guy a few weeks ago who told me that I shouldn't come to Bali if I want to be sober and I should you know, live in Jakarta because Jakarta is better for Sobriety. And I was like, that's really interesting because I've been to Bali three times and I've only been around a party scene, like, one time. And it was a really interesting conversation we had back and forth because you know, he had specifically come to Bali several winters from the States, and he had all his party friends and his DJ friends and his rave friends. And so for him, Bali is about partying. And I was like, well, for me, Bali is not about partying. And it's really interesting how that's exactly anywhere can be however you want to be. But also, sometimes you need to remove yourself from an environment if you've made it the way that you want it to be and it's no longer serving you anymore, you know.

Kate
Most definitely. It has to do with the environment, the context, and also the people. So you mentioned your friend and then DJ like, it's the environment, but it's the people, right? You can have a bottle of wine just sitting in your house or you can be going, it depends on that. And I lost a few friends that were, I considered to be more so party friends, or in hindsight now I think I'm like they were my party friends. And because of that relationship and the change in me in my decisions to let alcohol go, those friends also left. But I think that's just the nature of life. Right. People come into your life for a reason, a season, a lifetime, and you just adapt, grow, change and reflect on that.

Alex
Yeah, it's so true. So tell me about you kind of mentioned some of the challenges around friendships. What was the hardest part for you around Sobriety?

Kate
Yeah, that's a good question. It's hard for me to pinpoint because I knew that it was such a long time coming that I could easily just do it cold Turkey. Right? Like, sometimes people would say, oh, well, don't you miss having wine or beer? And then I would just cross my mind for a second and then I would be like, yeah, but no. So perhaps it's just within me because I'm very intrinsically motivated. So within me, it's been fine altogether. I haven't felt like I would ever relapse or anything. But yeah, I think it has to do more with relationships. So let's say I have a really good friend who we met in Costa Rica and went to several different countries. And the basis of our relationship was on partying and drinking. We had a great relationship. Beyond that, we're very spiritually inclined as well. And now today we're still good friends. But I do notice that it does have to do with the relationship. So as I mentioned before about certain people in Dubai, and then there are some people that, let's say there's more to the relationship. So besides that, I think it has to do with as well when people ask me. So it's kind of just second nature for me to explain to people how I do it, why I do it, this, and that. But I think it's more so when you're put on the spot and I don't want to say that I was ever ashamed or looked at weirdly, but people do question like, what is the motive? And as long as you're truthful and honest, I think it's fine. Yeah. As much as it was like a main component in my life, getting sober, I don't want to say easy, but because everyone's journey is different. But it was just so necessary that any sort of challenge, like people asking me, okay, yeah, sometimes it can be annoying because they're like trying to pry and everything when it's just so simple for me. So altogether, yeah, I do love going out and dancing, but I can still go out and dance. So that's not like context is not really a challenge. And then, yeah, socialization is fine. My circle is smaller now, but I'm content with that. It's fine. Yeah.

Alex
I love how you use the word necessary because I love that word of like, it was just so necessary to me. And I think I feel the same way about it. It's just so necessary to me that I'd be sober, that it's not really a question.

Kate
I knew it. My parents knew it. But my parents, knowing me very well, they weren't pushing me to do it, but they were just so happy when I told them and they were a little bit shocked. Yeah, it's a necessary thing. And as I mentioned, it's about self-respect. Right. It's about doing it for yourself. Because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself. And that might seem like a little cynical, but I've been through a lot in my life and I've learned that it's true. Right. Like, love my family, love my close friends, most of them are in Canada. All I have at the end of the day is myself. So I have to pull myself out of these dark places or before, I had to. And now it doesn't happen as much because I'm not subjecting myself to being in these dark places. Yes, life isn't perfect and it's a journey. People go through things. Life throws curveballs at you. But knowing that alcohol is not one of those, because alcohol is not even a curveball. It's a straight like, it's an uppercut or it's like a straight jab. Okay. Now moving from baseball to boxing. But you know what I mean. Metaphorically speaking, it's like a direct smack to the face.

Alex
And what have been some of the best parts of being sober?

Kate
Oh, fresh mornings. Waking up early. Every single day I wake up, I do my morning practice, my gratitude journal, everything. Closure, not vomiting beside the toilet for 12 hours straight. Also, besides the feeling of my physical body, knowing that I'm able to share my story with others and then hearing their responses, I'm getting inspired and just knowing that I did it and I can do it and it's going to help me overall in my future. And then next life and I just feel so liberated and empowered and yeah, excited. It's just like I just feel like, elated, essentially. Super happy.

Alex
Yeah, amazing. And tell me how you have gotten into coaching now and where are you headed with that?

Kate
I always have thought about being in some sort of okay, yes, being a teacher is a part of the helping profession, but I considered becoming a Psychologist or a Therapist of some sort. For some time. And then I thought about life coaching because I want to help and inspire others. Mind you, when I started my coaching course, my idea of coaching, what it is, what it isn't, is way different than what I learned it actually is. But still, I can use my experience, my knowledge to help others in whatever way, shape, or form they might need help in, or rather guidance. I like to consider myself to be a thinking partner and help with their mindset. So whatever they're going through, whether it's alcohol-related or not, helping them to have shifts in perspectives and insights and growth and development to better themselves overall. So I think that coaching is an amazing profession because little one conversation, the impact of one conversation can be tremendously catastrophic, let's say in a good way. Yeah, right. It only takes one conversation to ignite that spark in someone or to provide that insight or to reframe in such a way where the person is like, yes, okay. From this state forward, I'm holding myself accountable to make changes, to take control of my life, and to better myself. So if I'm able to help someone or help 1000 different people, different individuals, I feel at the end of the day that I'm super humbled by that and I'm very gracious to the universe that I was put on this Earth to help others. And using my natural gifts of being very intuitive allows me to really tap into the other person and to help them in that way. So yeah, I think coaching is an amazing thing and I'm happy that I'm going to utilize my skills in teaching, in coaching as well and then kind of snowball that into something bigger and to hopefully have my own business, which will happen very soon. It's in the process. That's why I'm saying snowball because it's getting bigger and bigger day by day. But it's up to me to put in the effort.

Alex
Amazing. And I love how watching that whole process unfold. And you journeying through, you know, making Reels on Instagram and getting more specific in your offerings. And it's pretty amazing to see your journey.

Kate
Yeah. The amount of self-motivation you have to have. But at the end of the day, knowing that it is a purpose that I have to fulfill in order to make a difference for other people. Yeah.

Alex
Yeah. And you so well, you will be such an amazing coach. You're such an amazing person and have such great energy.

Kate
Yeah. Thank you so much, though. I appreciate you saying that. Likewise for you.

Alex
So if anyone listening wants to find you on social media, where can they find you?

Kate
I think probably the easiest place to find me is on Instagram, @kindnesswith.kate. So anyone and everyone can reach out to me there, send me a message, and I'd be happy to connect with you. I'm in the process of building a website, so to be announced about my website and otherwise. Yeah. I would say that Instagram is probably the main channel for communication with me.

Alex
Amazing. And I have one last question for you. If you have any advice for someone who wants to quit drinking or start a sober journey, what advice would you give them?

Kate
That's a good one. Quite a few things come to mind. It's important to know that you have to start somewhere. But just to imagine and I'm very big on visualization, but just to imagine the possibilities, like the two-fold path that I described before. Imagine the possibilities of letting it go. Right. And stepping out of this old skin and just stepping into a realm of newness, freshness, and infinite possibilities. Full stop. That's it. Word of encouragement. You can do it, right. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. If it's something that you feel is no longer serving you, just let it go. If you need to look to some sort of support services or work with a coach or listen to a podcast, get a book, whatever resources you need, go for it. Everyone's journey is different, but as long as you start, that's the main thing.

Alex
Oh, wow. I just got shivers. Imagine the possibilities of letting it go. It's so true.

Kate
Because I feel like people are fixed in this mentality of it's super fun and, you know, more lively this and that. But for me, it's just not worth it. And I feel like a lot of people can empathize with that because they know that it's not high vibe, it's not bringing them up, it's actually bringing them down. But it's just because of society and the cultural conditioning, especially North American, that it's just a normalized behavior and a normalized beverage, or it's normalized to have a beverage at a party or dinner, whatever the case may be. But it doesn't have to be that way. It starts with you and you can make a difference with infinite possibilities for yourself. Yeah.

Alex
Amazing. Well, Kate, thank you so much for taking the time to be on the show. It was really lovely to hear a different aspect of your journey, hearing about your sober story and I really appreciate the time that you took to sit down with me. So thank you so much.

Kate
You're welcome, Alex. You're most welcome and thank you for hearing my story. I really appreciate it and I hope that it inspires at least one person at the end of the day, for me it's just as long as one person, it resonates with them and they're compelled to make a change. That's enough for me. So thank you so much.

Alex
I love that.

Kate
I'm also inspired by you. So thank you. Keep doing what you're doing. You're amazing.

Alex
Thank you. Right back at you.

Kate
Thanks.

Alex
All right. Happy holidays in Sri Lanka tomorrow. Enjoy. I can't wait to see the Instagrams.

Kate
Thank you. Yes. It's going to be fun and I'm very excited and enjoy your trip back to Abu Dhabi and Dubai.

Alex
Thank you.

Kate
You're welcome.

Alex
See you soon.

Kate
Okay. Take care. Bye.

Alex
Bye.

Outro
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of "Sober Yoga Girl" with Alex McRobs. I am so, so grateful for every one of you. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one and leave a review before you go. See you soon. Bye.