Breaking the Stigma of Mental Illness with Wendy Blanchard

Intro
Welcome to the "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019. And now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.

Alex
Good morning, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of "Sober Yoga Girl". I am very excited to have Wendy Blanchard with me, again, today. And Wendy joined me on the podcast way back, I think it was in August, September and it was the first time we met after connecting on social media. And she told a very powerful story about her journey with recovery. So if you haven't listened to that episode, I recommend you check it out. I'll put a link in the episode bio for this episode to that one. But I have Wendy here today and Wendy has some exciting work coming up and some new stories to share with us. So I'm really happy to have her here and welcome, Wendy. How are you?

Wendy
Thank you so much, my beautiful friend. I'm good. Thank you. I'm thrilled to be here. I was just saying to you that I can't keep up with all of the work that you do, but you're certainly in such an important part of raising awareness on mental health and substance use disorder. And I'm so grateful for our connection and our friendship.

Alex
Thank you, Wendy. Me too, mutually. And it's really nice to see you and connect again. So I know that something that Wendy has been going through that she wanted to share with us today was about the passing of her daughter's partner, which is so awful and very brave and vulnerable that Wendy is open and wants to share it with us. And I just kind of wanted to ask you a bit about what you've been going through.

Wendy
Thank you and I appreciate the condolences. It's been globally, I've had such amazing support. So I want to dedicate--if it's alright with you, I'd like to dedicate--

Alex
Absolutely.

Wendy
Thank you. Dedicate this episode to Johnny Manwaring, who passed away one week ago today, on December 7th, 2021. And Unfortunately, Johnny had been living for many, many years with substance use disorder and mental health disorders. And he had been in and out of rehab. He had just recently been in rehab again and had been home just a short time. He died from an overdose. And so my-- Johnny, by the way, was 46 years old. He was very young and he loved my daughter Nicole and my granddaughter Rose and Rosie got up at the funeral service and she talked about being Johnny's stepdaughter, although Nicole and Johnny weren't married. But he really was like a dad to her. And she talked about how I'm quoting her 13 years old. And she says Johnny used to push my buttons on purpose to get me to realize my potential and how much I had to offer. This is a very intelligent old soul, my granddaughter. So it has been extremely difficult this week, I was saying to you before we went on that, you know, just watching my daughter, you know, try to navigate this, it's shocking to lose someone so unexpectedly. But what I want to say about all of this, you know, myself being in recovery, I'll start my 10th year of recovery in April of 2022. And over these past years, I have been challenged, you know, kicked out of my comfort zone, getting my ass kicked constantly by the universe to challenge myself, to always do the right thing for me and my loved ones. Choosing healthy practices and making sure that I have a good support system, making sure that I have that body-mind connection, that awareness of how I'm feeling, having the tools, knowing what it is that I need at any given moment to help myself to deescalate if I should start to feel unwell. So not only over all of these years in my recovery have I been challenged like this. My mother passed away a year and a half ago. I was definitely challenged then to keep myself healthy. And this past week has been another such challenge. Right. So I have to constantly remind myself, and this is where recovery, you can be in recovery and help other people. But if you're not taking care of yourself, then you can't help anybody else. And I chose this week to support my daughter and my granddaughter, of course. And at the same time, I made sure that I was taking care of me. It's that we talked about this last time. It's that oxygen mask analogy, right? I can't help Nicole if I'm not well. And to be honest, I had some moments this week that were extremely anxiety-ridden when I watched my child screaming in disbelief and in devastation for the loss of the love of her life. You know, as her mom, it devastates me. And so I have had to grab onto every tool that I've had, changing tools, often using my support system, making sure to leave my home because I'm here alone when I start to feel that escalation of my anxiety, because I never want to go back to old behaviors and old thinking. And so the day before yesterday, it got very bad. Today it was very bad. And I left and I went and visited a friend, my friend Rose a couple of days ago, and she made me some nice tea and, you know, we talked. And today I went to the gym and out for a walk. And I do a lot of writing because that's so cathartic for me. I blog on my website and I do everything I can, not only to make sure that I am in good health and wellness but then to offer my journey and my story every day to give other people hope. Because here's the bottom line with Johnny and his untimely passing. Johnny said that he only needed AA, his twelve-step group to recover once again. And I've said this so many times on so many different podcasts and radio shows that I've done. And in my book, if we're not treating the mental health piece that occurs simultaneously, we call that co-occurring disorders with substance use disorder. We also call it an addiction. If we don't treat that mental health peace, we're not recovering, we're not recovered. We never will because that trauma is always there. And when we least expect it, we may be triggered and we don't even know possibly what may trigger us in an instant. And if that mental health peace, if it's not treated, if it's not, whatever trauma we've experienced, if we don't talk about it, if we don't unravel it, if we don't figure out what it is that specifically is making us live in the past. And so traumatized, if we aren't aware of our body-mind connection, right, if we start to have terrible anxiety, depression, we do start to feel it somewhere in our body. Everybody does. We all have mental health. We all know that once we start to get anxious, either we feel a knot in our stomach or our heart starts to raise so we have racing thoughts, or our shoulders are up to our ears because we are so tense. We have the ability to recognize our mental health escalating. And we also have the ability to intervene on our own behalf and deescalate in many different ways. Johnny couldn't do that because he felt the stigma of the mental health piece was-- I believe that was what held him back and kept him only in the twelve-step groups. And I'm not saying that twelve-step isn't helpful. It is a great support to so many people, but it has to be an adjunct to treatment.

Alex
And so often, I know for myself, my addiction with alcohol was a coping mechanism for what was happening with my mental health. And the more-- the deeper I get into this work, the more I see that pattern amongst people. And you're so right that you know, I never took an AA myself, but I needed substance support and I also needed mental health support. And the two were different things.

Wendy
They are different and they occur together and sometimes it's hard to separate them. But there are great facilities and practitioners who treat co-occurring disorders. Yesterday, I was a guest speaker on a global Zoom and this was the topic. It was, you know, people talking about not getting help for their mental health and relapsing constantly, like being on a hamster wheel. Why? Because just as you just said, it is the trauma that we have experienced that we suppress, we push it down, it's still there. And we're self-medicating with drugs or alcohol or even food or sex or gambling or shopping. We're self-medicating with unhealthy practices in order to not unravel what traumatized us in the first place. And so if we're not treating that, we're always going to be carrying that around. And, you know, I'm a holistic health practitioner and coach, and, you know, we know I've studied this and I see it in a lot of the clients I work with. The trauma embeds itself into our DNA and it stays there on a cellular level. If we don't process it and release it.

Alex
Yeah, absolutely. And so what advice would you give for someone who's going through something like this? What would you recommend?

Wendy
I recommend whatever it is that's going to work for the individual.

Alex
Yeah.

Wendy
So you and I were talking a little bit about this earlier. First, I said this on the last podcast, and this is the truth. You have to have the awareness that you're feeling unwell. And most people do.

Alex
Yeah.

Wendy
Most people know that they're feeling unwell, but they're afraid and they feel, again, they feel too afraid to speak their truth because of the stigma.

Alex
Right.

Wendy
I would say, in my humble opinion, most people have that awareness that they need help and that they need treatment. And once we speak that truth, we can ask for what we need. And some people are going to need therapy. Some people may need to be in a hospital short-term for treatment or even long-term. So people may need medication for myself because I had been addicted to prescription drugs for 40 years. I just knew that I did not want to take pills to manage my symptoms of anxiety and sometimes bleeding. I don't even want to call depression. It's more of a deep sadness that I feel for my past and remorse for those that suffered because of me, especially my children, because of my behaviors. So it's going to be personal for everybody. And believe it or not, inherently, we all know what it is that we need individually. If we take our time, if we sit with it and maybe talk to someone about it, we'll know what it is that we need to heal and we'll know what it is that isn't going to work for us. So here's an example. So when I began in recovery, two rehabilitation facilities, and they told me that I had to go to twelve-step meetings. And so I did what I was told and immediately I realized that you know, it wasn't for me. It does work for people, but it just wasn't for me. I didn't feel that sitting in a group of people who were focusing on their past behaviors and then being required to begin when you speak to say, I'm Wendy, I'm an addict to define myself that way. I don't define myself as an addict. That's not who I am. I live with a substance use disorder that is in remission right now. But I don't define myself that way. So early on, and pretty quickly, I realized it wasn't for me. I spoke my truth, but I was very afraid because the recovery community, my sponsor, in particular, began to yell at me at the meeting when I said I wanted to recover through natural and organic solutions and to, you know, live holistically, she said, nobody ever recovers that way. So here we are. And I'll start my 10th year in April of recovery. And that's how I've recovered. I knew that's what I needed. Inherently, I knew that's what was going to be healing for me. And I've learned so many healing practices for myself. So when one thing doesn't work, holistically, I have another and another and so on. And I know how to take really good care of myself that way. So it's going to look different for everyone and it will change over one's lifetime, as our situations change, as our environment changes, as biologically, what's going on within us, we may need different things. And you know, how we practice daily self-care is going to impact our health, our overall health, but especially our mental health.

Alex
Yeah. Absolutely.

Wendy
So I would suggest that a person really speak their truth to themselves first, to be honest, this is a brain disorder, brain disease, these co-occurring disorders, these are real brain disorders. And there's no shame in being unwell. It would be like saying to someone with cancer, don't talk about it. It's embarrassing. So to speak your truth and that's weird, by the way, I tell when I speak, I say once you speak your truth the way I did when I finally said to my doctor, I'm addicted to my medication, I could breathe because I gave myself the freedom to finally live. I wasn't living. So to speak your truth, and then ask yourself, what do I need in this moment to bring me wellness and peace? And who can help me to get there? Who can help to guide me right now and then to implement an integrative approach because body, mind, and spirit and again, it'll look different for everyone? So it can be exercise, it could be, you know, for your body and for your mind. It could be meditation and for the spirit, it could be prayer or taking a walkout in nature, it's going to look different for everyone. And I always suggest you start small, I would say to begin maybe 20 minutes per day. And when you feel comfortable, you can continue to add on or you could actually subtract time if it's too much, it's always going to be individualized. And then make a commitment daily to that self-care practice, to your mental health, to staying connected, to asking for what you need every single day. My aspect every day. But to tell you the truth, it's just the universe reminding me to commit myself to my wellness daily. No matter what anybody else is saying, no matter what anybody else is doing, I cannot allow it to affect my wellness. That is my commitment. So I have an ebook, and if your listeners want to go to my website, I have to put the updated one on there. But the ebook is called "Spear and Swim Into Wellness". And what I just shared with you is the SWIM, swim part of my program. S, speak your truth. W is for what do I need to bring me peace and wellness in this moment? And W again, who can help to guide me to achieve that. And then the I is the implement and integrative approach, whatever that means for you. And the M is to make a daily commitment. And then the SPEAR is for when you feel yourself become triggered. S is stop. P is pause. E is emote safely. A is acceptance. Because when we practice acceptance of our circumstances, that brings us peace. It promotes peace. Right. Like Johnny passed away, I had to stop. And I had to pause to be present, to take it all in. I allowed myself to eat, emote safely with other people in my own space. A, practice that acceptance, to provide myself with peace, write about it, talk about it, whatever that means for you individually. And then the R is to rest and then to realign, and then to put it in a new perspective, right. How I'm going to use it when I move forward. How am I going to use this experience to move forward in a healthy way? And once I do that, then I can implement a SWIM program.

Alex
Oh, it's so amazing. I just think that the work you're doing, Wendy, is so incredible and the offerings that you have. And I'll definitely put the link in for that ebook. I think lots of listeners would be interested to check that out and learn more. So thanks for sharing that.

Wendy
Of course. Thank you.

Alex
So let's talk a little bit about-- so you and I share this in common of using writing as a tool for healing and work. And I'm wondering, how did your writing practice support you during everything you're going through this past week?

Wendy
Yeah. Thank you. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this gift of writing. You know, my book is coming out. And so for years, I've been writing that book, and it's been so cathartic for me, again, not only for myself to just you know, get it all out everything that I'm feeling. I'm able to get it out onto, you know, paper. But I've seen it where I share my thoughts and my experiences through my writing. And it's helping someone else. I can't tell you how many times I've written a blog, I mean, hundreds of times where I've written a blog and people contact me and say, oh, I thought I was alone. That happened to me, too. It happened actually today, as a matter of fact, I was speaking with someone and was sharing one of the experiences that I've had through my writing. And she was shocked and said, oh, my God, I had the same exact experience. I thought I was alone. So not only am I doing this to help myself, because expressing ourselves is a type of-- that expression is a release. Right. And then being able to share that is what I'm all about, being able to share it and have somebody read my writing and say, wow, I'm going through the same thing. I'm not alone. And, you know, Wendy went through this for 40 years. And she recovered. So it gives people hope and it gives me a forum to express myself. And once I'm done, I promise you and I promise your listeners. As I'm writing, I'm like in another zone, it's just coming out and coming out. And I feel like it's divinely guided coming out of me. And then at the end of it, I take a deep breath, and I feel so back into balance at that moment because I've been able to express myself. And I feel like, you know, I do therapy as well. But I feel like when I'm doing this writing, a therapist, nobody is going to know the perfect question or the therapeutic question to ask me in order for me to answer and release what I'm feeling. It's coming from within. And that's where writing is different than therapy. We know what we want to say, what we need to say to heal. So if a therapist would, you know, like as a holistic health coach, when I'm meeting with a person, I just say to them, you know, what are you feeling right now? How can I serve you? How can I help you in this moment? And I just let them go because they need to talk, they need to verbalize. Right. They need to release it.

Alex
It's so true. That's so true.

Wendy
I got to go back. I remember the word. It is reframe, reframe.

Alex
Reframe. Love it. So when is your book coming out?

Wendy
It is going to be released next month, in January.

Alex
Amazing.

Wendy
I can't tell you how many edits it's gone through, but it's worth it. And I feel very proud of the final product. And I know it's going to help a lot of people. And at the end of every chapter, there are interactive questions. The person reading this interactive journal story will be able to read my experiences and then think about, reflect upon how they may have experienced something similar. And I give them these reflection questions, and then they can write about it themselves. So I feel like that's going to be really feelings for a lot of people. To, you know, connect with my story through their own experience.

Alex
Wow. Yeah, that sounds incredible. And it tells your journey and your story through substance use disorder.

Wendy
Yeah. So I always say, I do give specific examples about many of the experiences I had during my substance use disorder, but more importantly, I focus on how I recovered. The name of my book is "Write Pray Recover: A Journey to Wellness Through Spiritual Solutions and Self Care". So more than I do give-- you have to talk about what happened in the past in order to move forward. So I do give, you know, glimpses of situations that I did experience, but I focus more on the recovery piece and offer people solutions on how they may be able to recover the way that I did. They're just suggestions, not going to resonate with everybody, but it may resonate with some.

Alex
Yeah, that's incredible. Do you have a part of the book that you wanted to share with us? Can you share that with us?

Wendy
Yeah. So I'm actually doing a lot of pre-launch book chats. So what I do is I've chosen a chapter and then I send it out to the libraries that have hired me in the organization in a PDF, and I send it with these questions, and then it goes out two weeks before the book chat. And then we get together in June and we talk about it. And, you know, it's been healing for a lot of people, so many people who have connected. So the chapter that I've been sending out, I hope I don't use them here. It's called "When You Believe" and the subtitle underneath is called "When All Hope Is Gone, Have Faith". And I'm just going to read through the part, those parts because it's so profound and it really just speaks to my spiritual connection. This isn't for everybody. This is just my journey. And I hope that some people will just resonate. So I feel drawn to my loving angels and guides. And I do believe that when we ask for this relationship, the universe offers us more love, connections, people, joy than we ever experienced alone and in isolation. If this resonates with you, ask for your angels and guides, provide you with information that helps you to navigate your life in your best interest with the highest blessings, and this will protect you. These will be signs that you will completely understand without any doubt, and they will reveal themselves to information, conversation, music, numbers, readings, and a variety of other modalities. This includes simultaneous synchronicities through text messages or emails, through a conversation between others that we may overhear, and many other ways that these ... get your attention. Ask them for a clear sign that only you would understand as a validation of this divine relationship and present. Take close attention. God, Spirit, Universe, speak to us in the most curious yet direct ways, especially when Spirit has been trying to reach us to no avail to save our life. In 2012, I was using prescription drugs heavily and had been for quite some time. I was barely able to stay awake every day or function in a normal capacity. I had been getting strong intuitive messages that I would die if I kept going at the rate of ingesting more than 2000 a month. I just could not stop. My brain was so unwell. I was living with multi-occurring disorders and I loved being high. There it is, my truth. My safety zone from the years of suppressed emotion. On October 29th, 2012 was the day that Hurricane Sandy was to come through our area. I drove to the pharmacy after speaking with the pharmacist on the phone, being told to come down and that my prescription would be ready. Because of the bad weather, I wanted to make sure that on these hills because we lost power or streets were blocked and I couldn't get to the pharmacy. It is said that when God wants to get your attention, he taps you on the shoulder. If you do not respond, he then gets closer and just whispers in your ear. Still no response. He hits you right over the head or very nearly, purposefully, missing you by a nanosecond. Amen. The wind-driven rain was blowing across the highway as I drove home from the pharmacy only a mile down the road. The wind was howling and as I turned off of route 304 and into my driveway, I took the button to open my garage door from the east side of the car so that I could just stay in and stay drive. The garage opened, I pulled in, close the garage door and walk through the door that goes from the garage into my downstairs family room within 3 seconds. Three, two, one. Boom. I heard a loud crash right outside that shook the ground and the entire house. The lights went out. My dog, Max, ran into my arms, barking incessantly. My heart was beating so loudly and fiercely that I could hear it beating in my ears. I felt my chest pounding is filling with fright. I was terrified. What the hell had just happened? I took Max and went into the closet that was located underneath the staircase. We stayed there for about 30 minutes. When I was assured that all was quiet around me and I had calmed down, I went to the front door to see what had happened. Three trees had crashed down to the ground at the top of our driveway less than 20 seconds after I had pulled in, taking the telephone pole and wires down with it. God had nearly hit me over the head. This was my wake-up call. I believe on that day. That event is divinely orchestrated because God had desperately been trying to get my attention for years. No avail. Those trees, telephone poles, and wires were the closest thing he could use to actually hit me on the head without actually killing me in order to get my attention. Looking back, I see it as a metaphor for intending death. God had called. Lights out, sound off, darkness and isolation. Had I turned into that driveway just a few seconds later, I would have been killed. God, spirit, universe took that opportunity to let me know that he meant serious business. Either, I get helped or my death would be an imminent. This is a preview. Surrounded by darkness. No way out. My living grave. I had to ask for help. This divine message resonated with me deeply and I knew I was running out of time. I was trapped in the house with Max. I couldn't get my car out of the garage. There was no power. I was too weak and too unwell to open the heavy door on my own. My cell phone had about half a bar of power left. I tried to make a call to no avail. There was no connection. Sinking deeper into the Earth. Another metaphor. I passed out as you hear from all the pills and slept through until morning. Upon awakening, in a moment of clarity, in a moment of hope that God is guiding me and all would be okay. In a moment where I connected with myself and screamed aloud, I want to live. I picked up Max to my arm, stood out on the deck of my house in the backyard, and screamed as loud as I could over and over, please help me. I'm trapped. I have nearly been there to death the night before. I was indeed living in total darkness, disconnected. I could not see the light. It had been the perfect storm. Perhaps that was the beginning of my awakening. My wake-up call.

Alex
Wow. Wendy, thank you so much for sharing that. I feel as I was listening that I was transported into that moment for you and that's such a powerful experience.

Wendy
I knew that day after all this happened and I was finally able to-- somebody came to pick myself and Max, my dog up and take us to safety. But I hope you read this--you'll get the book and continue reading on to talk about that even though I was out of the house and I could have asked for help, it took me five more months to ask for help. Although we weren't going to have power for two weeks after that there was no power, it was freezing cold, it is, you know, getting to be November. I still went back to that house in the darkness where I lived alone in the freezing cold because I knew I wanted to be high. And my friends said, come and stay with us. Nobody knew that I was addicted to these pills. So I said no because I couldn't get high and I couldn't just be with my disease alone if I was in the presence of other people. It's like my power and my freedom at any time. And so I hope we will just pick up the bus next month when it is released and see how I was finally able to find my way out through what I believe was divine intervention.

Alex
Yeah. Wow. That's so inspirational. Thank you so much for sharing that. And now I just can't wait to read your book when it's finally out. And I'm sure everyone listening probably feels the same way. So Wendy, thank you so much for your time today and for sharing your story, and really, really appreciate it. Is there anything else that you wanted to share as we wrap up?

Wendy
Yeah. So tomorrow, I am offering a safe space. This is a free one hour-- I'm going to call it an open dialogue on mental health that I will be facilitating. Your listeners can go to events. Right. Although this is probably going to come out later on. So it would be over by then.

Alex
Yeah.

Wendy
But, though, if you go to my website, I have so many of these training that I do, and many times I do offer them for free. So it's harmonioushealthforlife.com, perhaps you can put it in there.

Alex
Absolutely. Yeah.

Wendy
If you go to harmonioushealthforlife.com/training, you'll see all of the different available trainings that I offer and when I do offer them for free, I certainly put them up as well.

Alex
Okay.

Wendy
Since you and I have connected, we've done such great work together in collaboration and you have been my mentor in business and personally, and you have given me so many extra skills that I didn't have in mindfulness strategy and I just love you and I thank you for the work that you do and for guiding me. You still guide me even though we don't keep in touch as much. I follow you and you're just such an inspiration for myself and so many people. So thank you for everything.

Alex
Wendy, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Alright. Thank you. I'll speak to you soon. Bye.

Outro
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of "Sober Yoga Girl" with Alex McRobs. I am so, so grateful for every one of you. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one and leave a review before you go. See you soon. Bye.