MONEY DIARIES NZ: Learning Through Loss - podcast episode cover

MONEY DIARIES NZ: Learning Through Loss

Mar 03, 202433 min
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Episode description

This gorgeous community member from New Zealand lost her mum suddenly last year. While navigating her own grief, she's had to help her dad understand and manage his household finances,while planning her wedding and a six month OS honeymoon. The loss has highlighted how important it is to communicate openly about joint accounts, bill payments and creating a will for her and her fiance. She hopes our community can learn through her loss.

Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.

The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.

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Transcript

Speaker 1

Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr

the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Let's get into it.

Speaker 3

She's on the Money, She's on the Money.

Speaker 4

Hello, and welcome On the Money the Podcast Millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our Money Diaries episodes where I get the absolute privilege of sitting down with one of our beautiful She's on the Money community members and talk to them all about their journey. Let's jump straight into it, because this week I got a message and it sounded exactly like this Kiura SotM Ladies. Last year my mom died suddenly and it's been a

massive shock to the system. I've had to help my dad understand and manage his household finances, navigate grief, plan a wedding and a six month overseas honeymoon, which was in the pipeline before my mom died. It made my fiance and I realized how important it is to communicate openly about joint accounts and bill payments. And we'll get cracking on a whill. I'd love to share my story with the community. If you'll have me, of course, I'll have you. Money diarist, Welcome to the show cure.

Speaker 5

Thanks for having me.

Speaker 2

Of course, let's jump straight in.

Speaker 4

If I asked you to give your money habits a grade, what grade would you give them?

Speaker 2

From A three to F.

Speaker 5

I think i'd probably grade myself between a B plus and an ans a.

Speaker 2

B plus and an A minus. That's a pretty good position.

Speaker 4

Now, my favorite question, tell me a little bit more about your money story.

Speaker 5

I guess my money story is pretty grounded in the kind of like money habits of my parents. I grew up in a household where savings was really prioritized. Dad worked full time and Mum was a stay at home mum, so their focus was really on like paying down the mortgage when I was young and I think, well, they were probably quite tight on money at some points. We never went without as kids, so yeah, we always got

to kind of do after school activities, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, and mum really instill the importance of being across your finance is from quite a young age.

Speaker 2

A queen, yeah, a real queen.

Speaker 5

So she helped us sit up banking counsel when we were quite young. She made sure we signed up to QUI say there, and she made us really like understand the importance of QI saber contributions, putting your KI save and a growth fund and just compound interest and term deposits and how you can make money off your money.

Speaker 2

Where did she learn all of this?

Speaker 4

You said she was a stay at home mum, Like she sounds like she might have been an investment banker.

Speaker 5

She was just super organized. She was just like meticulous. She used to be an office manager before she was a stay at home mum, so she was just like very onto it.

Speaker 4

Yeah, that takes some serious level of organization to be an office manager. So she probably was definitely across everybody's business at which I love.

Speaker 2

Tell me more, what was growing up like?

Speaker 5

I guess because she was so organized and onto it. Mum kind of ran like all of our household finances, and my dad pretty much like wasn't really across any of it. He was just really focused.

Speaker 2

On making the money, bringing it home. Mum will manage it.

Speaker 5

Yeah, exactly, Mum will look up after it. And so he trusted her completely, And I feel like it's often the way around. Like I talked to friends who's like Dad's handled all the finances, but in my family, it was like my mum, which was kind of great that she was across it all. But when she passed away suddenly last year, it meant that Dad had a bit

of a rude awakening. He had access to some of their accounts, or Mum thought she'd see everything up in a joint account structure, but after she died, we realized that Dad had access to about three of the like ten accounts.

Speaker 4

Yeah, okay, and then that's a really big process of like applying for it to be released.

Speaker 2

And like that's not what you need when you're buried in grief.

Speaker 5

No, it was quite a lot, and I think like because the amount of money and those accounts was substantially less than the other accounts I mean like we were fine because Dad was still earning that it just put like unnecessary pressure on him, particularly around funeral expen and everything else.

Speaker 4

Oh yeah, and especially being really unexpected. You don't get that grace period of going, let's get.

Speaker 2

Our ducks in a row.

Speaker 4

We know this, you know awful thing is coming. We can you know, line everything up, Like when it's really sudden. You go from being absolutely fine one day to being not around and you can't even ask questions like, oh hey, Mum, is there anything like that we need to know, Like, you just don't get that grace.

Speaker 5

Probably not a good practice to follow. She was quite good in the sense that she had this little red book of passwords. Oh my gosh, geniuses don't recommend that.

Speaker 2

I feel like.

Speaker 4

That's the generation though I can almost guarantee my mum has one.

Speaker 5

Yes, thank God for Mum's right. With little passoak books.

Speaker 2

You're like safety first, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5

So that was definitely quite helpful because it meant temporarily we could kind of see what was going on, but then we went into probate, so all those extra accounts

that Dad doesn't have, it's all been locked up. It's a bit of a rollercoaster of like dad having to learn how to Internet bank and understanding how directive its work, and just like he kind of knew roughly what was coming in and going out, but he just felt like in a few months after mum died had been really like slammed with payments that he wasn't anticipating, so like, yeah, funeral costs and everything else, and then other big regular

payments he didn't kind of know they were coming. So yeah, I think that's been like a massive learning curve for him, but also like a big eye opener for me as like, yeah, his daughter just I don't know. I think it's so important that I don't know, if you have a parent who doesn't know how to Internet bank, like make sure they know what they're doing. It's so important not to have all the control with one party because you just don't know what life's going to throw at you.

Speaker 4

I feel like lots of people are in the opposite situation as we're saying before to your parents, where the dad runs the finances. And this is going to sound really morbid, but women on average live longer than men. So if you've got like a mum or you are a female in a relationship and you just go no, my husband sorts it out like it's absolutely fine, Like it's actually not, because statistically, at some point you're gonna

have to manage the finances on your own. And that sounds again morbid, but the reality of the situation is you're gonna have to manage it on your own, regardless of gender. Your story literally is that where dad just trusted mum, And that's great, and we want trust, we want inherent trust in a relationship. But it's not really about trust. It's actually about knowing the process. Like if your dad had just known how to do it, he.

Speaker 2

Didn't have to do it.

Speaker 4

Mum was clearly a clrosset, but like just knowing where the logins are, how that works, what that looks like, Oh, here's how we pay bills nowadays, Like just being up with it would have given him such a sense of freedom during that time where he was probably feeling overwhelmed from every aspect in his life.

Speaker 5

Yeah, oh for sure, And it would have just been like I think, one less burden, Yeah, obviously on him, and then I think also on like me and my siblings, because now when he gets a bill and he like understandably he's getting a lot better, but when it first started happening, he'd get quite like flustered and stressed about the whole situation, not really know how to manage it.

Just even when it came to filling out like a bank transfer and you have to put in like the reference and the code and all that kind of stuff, he just didn't know what it meant. Yeah, I just think it's so important.

Speaker 2

And did your mom leave behind a will? Like was there a plan?

Speaker 5

Yeah, So I'm not super across this so much, but I think she and dad made a will together, and because they did it together, I think it'd set it up in a way that everything passed to Dad. Well, I didn't realize was just even if you've set up a will and it's all straightforward, the process around actually obtaining like the property and the money and the accounts is just so long. Like I'm not sure what it's like In.

Speaker 4

Australia, it's a very similar system, which is very frustrating.

Speaker 2

I was about to point that out.

Speaker 4

I was like, if you're listening our money, Darrist is in New Zealand, so there is a bit of a different process, but they are very very similar.

Speaker 5

Yeah, so I think it's just like for him learning how to kind of manage everything on a slightly reduced capacity.

Speaker 2

That's wild.

Speaker 4

And in your money diar, you wrote in now we're getting married, dude, you're very exciting and you're going to go on an overseas six month long honeymoon, you lucky ducks. How's all of that gonna happen? Tell me about that part of your money story.

Speaker 5

Yes, so that's super exciting. So we had kind of started thinking about this in like twenty nineteen. My partner and I were just so ready to get out of New Zealand, like feel so far away from everything, and we just wanted to explore the world. And when you had a bit of saving to do before we could do that. But being COVID hit and everything you know, got put on ice. We kind of kept saving quite diligently through that time, so we managed to accrue quite

a decent savings plan. Yeah, we had a bit of a goal in mind of how much we wanted to save, and we reached that point over would there be like nearly five years to get there?

Speaker 4

Gosh, you have to tell us, like, this is an anonymous money you can't be like, yeah we had a saving skull.

Speaker 2

No, no, no, how much you budgeted for a six month overseas honeymoon? Like what does that cost?

Speaker 5

Yeah? So I did a lot of research into how much other people had saved, but a lot of it was like Americans, so I didn't really know. So yeah, it's a bit frustrating, but we have budgeted sixty thousand New Zealand dollars.

Speaker 4

Hey that's pretty good for six months, like ten thousand dollars a month, all right.

Speaker 5

Yeah, fingers crossed. That will get us a wee way. I think Europe's become a lot more expensive since twenty nineteen, so yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2

It definitely has.

Speaker 4

Is there something where you're kind of going over and yellowing it? I have a sneaky suspicion that you just come across as a planner. I think you might have a very attractive spreadsheet. Tell me about how you've manished this.

Speaker 5

Yeah, so we kind of tried to figure out like, okay, well where realistically do we want to go? Wh knew we always wanted to go to Europe. We wanted to be a little bit more intripid when we first started planning in twenty nineteen before the pandemic, and we were looking into like slightly more remote places or like around like the Starns. But we decided, like, I'm just like a little bit of a anxious person, so I didn't want.

Speaker 2

To girl friend, yeah go without a.

Speaker 5

Plan, and also like go somewhere maybe like if another pandemic broke out it would be a little bit more difficult to get home. So we have kind of stuck to the bidden track a little bit more. Yeah, so we'll be going through a little bit of Central Europe and in mainly trying to hang out around the Balkans.

Speaker 4

So yeah, cool, I love this all right, wedding, how much is that going to cost?

Speaker 2

What's a plan?

Speaker 4

Tell me all of the story? Sorry, we need the pervy details.

Speaker 5

No, that's all good. So we planned the trip before we thought about getting married. And then we thought, okay, well we're going on this epic trope, like, why don't we just get married before we go and we can treat it like a bit of a honeymoon, because who wants to go straight?

Speaker 2

Yeah beautiful when they're married.

Speaker 5

Well that was my opinion anyway.

Speaker 4

No, no, no, As someone who got married and then went back to work for two weeks before going on her honeymoon because I just had too much to do. I was like, I've just got stuff to plan, stuff to get done. Yeah, I didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to be in my love bubble. So yeah, good idea.

Speaker 5

Yeah, I appreciate it's a very privileged position to be able to just like say, oh, well, you know we're going to up and leave. I know not everyone can do that.

Speaker 2

With this amount of planning.

Speaker 4

You can like, I'm sorry, I've been planning it since twenty nineteen. Like, yes, acknowledging privilege around money is very important. But I also think being like, oh, it's really lucky that we can it's like, no, you also worked really hard so you could do this.

Speaker 5

Yeah, it should be really exciting. Yeah. So on the wedding, we quickly realized that a lot of venues have like a minimum spin, So if we wanted to use a particular venue, we're going to have to have quite a significant number of people in order to meet the minimum spin. And so we found ourselves kind of going down this road.

We were like, Okay, well we have to meet minimum spin, so we have to have, like you know, seventy five plus people when we've kind of started the process thinking, actually, we want to do something really small because we wanted the focus to be the honeymoon. So when we realized how much that was going to cost, we ended up pulling right back and we are now only going to have about thirty people.

Speaker 2

Oh that's so sweet.

Speaker 5

Yeah, it'll be really intimate. So we've budgeted about thirty grand. Hopefully it will be a little bit less than that. We're just kind of like trying to be a little bit conservative around estimates, so we're not like, yeah, with any kind of bill right before we go overseas.

Speaker 2

And what kind of wedding you're planning now?

Speaker 4

Like obviously New Zealand venues are very expensive because they're very beautiful at the same time, but like what kind of venue are you now looking at?

Speaker 2

And like where will you get married?

Speaker 5

Yeah, so we live and one of the biggest cities in New Zealand, so we're probably not going to do something outdoors. We've found this little event space that's relatively urban that's kind of like.

Speaker 2

Lofty, cool viby.

Speaker 5

Yeah, so it'll be quite cute, and that was a lot more affordable than going to like vineyards or something like that, which would have been like absolutely stunning and a head friends do there and it's always been epic. But we just knew that for us, we wanted to get married in the city that we met and it's where our family is based.

Speaker 2

Oh that's so wholesome. Yes, I love it.

Speaker 5

Yeah, a little bit more urban than probably like what people would consider a New Zealand wading to be.

Speaker 2

No love love. So now tell me.

Speaker 4

Obviously you're good at saving, we're going to need to know where the money's coming from.

Speaker 2

What do you do for work? And how much money do you earn?

Speaker 5

So I work for the government in communications and I earn one hundred and five k year before.

Speaker 4

Tex in New Zealand dollars obviously, And Pervy, what does your partner do and how much does he earn?

Speaker 5

So he's government two and he earns I think around one hundred and fifteen k New Zealand before tex So.

Speaker 4

And you guys don't do supranuation. You do Keywi saver. How much do you contribute to your Kiwi saver?

Speaker 5

I contribute ten percent, which is the maximum amount, just because yeah, it's not so great, is Australia and yeah, so I put in ten percent myself and then my employer contributes three percent, which isn't amazing. I'd love it to be higher, but yeah.

Speaker 4

Thirteen percent in total is higher than what our current eleven percent supranuation rate is at, so not too bad. And does that money come out of your one hundred and five?

Speaker 5

Yeah, so the ten percent is out of my one hundred and five and the three percent is yeah, from my employer separately.

Speaker 4

And to be pervy, I know how this works, but I feel like it's fun to dive in when you've got someone from overseas. So does that money then go into your account and then you transfer it out or is there something that you get to set up through your employer and it just gets direct debited straight into your key.

Speaker 2

We say the like, what was the process?

Speaker 5

Yeah, it's the latter. So it all gets taken out and goes directually to my key. We Saber provider, so I can't see it or touch it.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, it's.

Speaker 5

Probably for the best.

Speaker 4

Yes, Now we've spoken about your wedding and we've spoken about your big honeymoon. Are there any other big money goals on the horizon? That I should know about.

Speaker 5

We're continuing to save for the wedding, so we've got about five k more that we need to make between now and then. And the other thing is, because, as you've correctly pointed out, I am quite a planner. I wanted to build that a little bit of a like post travel fund for what we want to do when we get back from the six months of travels. So my partner's quite keen to move across to oz Actually.

Speaker 2

Yeah, calm live over here. We really nice. Yeah, the wead always looks nice too, So don't move to Melbourne then.

Speaker 5

Yeah, So that's definitely something that we're kind of trying to work towards that. We definitely have a couple of other that go fish to fry in terms of money goals, so that's not quite as high a priority just at the moment.

Speaker 4

Now you mentioned a post travel fund, tell me a bit more about that, because what are you doing with work?

Speaker 2

Like have you just said you're okay.

Speaker 4

I'm going on there eve and they were like, no worries, money, diarist, we'll see when you return. Like what's the plan with your jobs? Because six months is a lot to ask from an employer.

Speaker 5

Yeah, so we've planned to resign. We haven't handed in our notices yet. That will probably happen soon. But yeah, so the post travel fund is really, I guess, like giving us a bit of a buffer for when we either come back or decide to move across the ditch and just kind of sit up, whether that's rent food, just so we're not having to stress too much about dipping into other savings. I quite like having just like a little fund there that I can pull from.

Speaker 2

That makes a lot of sense. How do you feel about resigning?

Speaker 4

Like, I don't know, I'm an anxious girlie that gives me anxiety.

Speaker 5

Yeah, I'm definitely a little bit nervous, but I have quite a good relationship with my manager, so I forget. If I just give her as much notice as possible and leave everything like super tidy, hopefully it will go okay. But yeah, I can't say I'm like looking forward to the conversation.

Speaker 4

No, I can totally understand that. And is there any opportunity do you think that your employers would turn around and go all right, well, you're a really good employee. We can give you six months of unpaid leave and then come back. Is that an option on the table.

Speaker 5

Do you think I mean maybe, I mean.

Speaker 4

You might not want to come back if you want to move to Australia, so who knows, who knows.

Speaker 5

I think maybe there would be an option, but I think I probably haven't been at the company long enough.

Speaker 2

Yeah that's fair, But.

Speaker 5

I mean if they did offer it, I would probably seriously consider it.

Speaker 4

Yeah, it's nice having the idea of financial security when you're returning your head. Yes, definitely totally understand. All right, let's go to a really quick break on the flip side. I have so many questions for you about investing and debt and good and bad money habits, so guys don't go anywhere, all right, money diarist, I feel like you're probably going to say yes to this because you just seem like a savvy planner. You already told me about

how your mum operated the finances. You told me about your KEYW saver and how she pushed you into that. So the next question is do you have any investments? If so, what are they, how do they work?

Speaker 5

I do, obviously, key, we stay with it. Mum Muma helped me sit up. I've got about fifty K and there what I'm pretty happy with and then I've got about thirty eight k and ETFs.

Speaker 2

Oh, how did you get into that? That's a lot? You're just a baby.

Speaker 5

So I was unemployed over COVID and I had a lot of time on my hands, and I started looking into I guess like your podcast and other kind of like money education podcasts, and I was like, oh my god, this looks like mean why haven't I thought about this? And my brother works in finance, and so he was like quite encouraging and he'd done it himself and he was.

Speaker 2

Like, yeah, you should do it, definitely do it.

Speaker 5

Yeah. So I knew that I, like, am not a huge risk taker and I wanted something that I'm not a maths girl. So I was like, I want to do something that's not too hard and it's quite like passive.

Speaker 4

Biggest misconception in investing is that you have to be good at maths. You do not have to be good at maths to do investing and do it well. I think obviously like I'm a bit of a maths girl, but I'm low key a little bit disappointed with how little maths is involved in investing.

Speaker 5

I was stoked when I started doing it, and I was like, ah, this is actually like quite passive. I don't really have to do much, Like I can understand how people find the like prost is a little bit daunting. But yeah, So the thirty eight k is kind of sprewed between the os top fifty companies in zi AU, so it's pretty standard stuff. And I just have like a monthly or a quarterly payment that goes through and it just does its thing. Very lazy about it, to be.

Speaker 4

Honest, but that's the best, right, Like good investing actually should be really boring, Like and I don't mean to throw investing platforms that try.

Speaker 2

And make it really engaging under the bus.

Speaker 4

But at the same time, you go, well, actually it should be boring because it should be quite passive, especially with the strategy you've gone with. You're like, I'm really conservative. I've gone with an ETF. There shouldn't actually be a lot of ongoing maintenance with this except for contributing regularly full stop. End of story, Like it actually can be that easy. So obviously your brother worked in finance. What platform did you choose to invest with.

Speaker 5

I've used in this now, which I think is the New Zealand platform. It is I did look into shares ees, but I had slightly lower fees.

Speaker 4

Sorry, you know what, there's something different for everybody. Like I could not care less who you use as long as you are investing, my friend, Like, I get such gratification out of knowing that there are so many people in our community who are putting themselves first.

Speaker 2

Like thirty eight K. How old were you again?

Speaker 5

Ah, when I first started, I would have been twenty four, twenty five.

Speaker 4

So a baby babies are investing and they are putting themselves first, and they are going to be wealthy, wealthy people in the future. I love it. It makes me so so happy. So is that the extent for your investments?

Speaker 5

There is one more, but I can't claim I.

Speaker 2

Did this myself, So that's okay.

Speaker 5

We have a inheritance that we receive from his family. So that's one hundred and sixty k invested in managed funds, I think. And the managed fund thing was his decision. He didn't really fully understand. I think he just wanted that kind of security of a managed fund and he wanted quite hands off approach, so that's what for him. So yeah, that's the extent of it all.

Speaker 4

Can I be really pervy about this. You said your partner's inheritance. Obviously you're not married yet, but the way that you're talking about it is very like it's kind of like ours, this is adjoint asset.

Speaker 2

How do you guys view that? Obvious?

Speaker 4

So you're about to get married, so like, yes, it is basically a joint asset. But these conversations can be quite confronting, and often we have them, you know, hypothetically in the community. We'll be like, oh, what if you got an inheritance and is it your partners or not? How did that conversation actually play out in reality? Like when this happened, Like was this a like we're joint decision making?

Speaker 2

Like how did that work?

Speaker 5

So when it first happened, we weren't quite defect or yet, so we hadn't been living together for three years, so it was very much his obviously, Like with getting married and with everything that's happened to mum, we've decided we really want to be a real unit when it comes

to our finances. So we've had quite a lot of chance about like, you know, sharing, Like I know completely sharing isn't for everyone, but I think for us, we've decided that's the approach we want to take, just because we've seen what happens where like I guess we'll think Mum and dad they thought they were sharing and then turned out they weren't and it became really stressful and

like a kind of traumatic situation. So for us, we kind of sat down and quite recently at the start of this year, we sort of talked through like our various investments and how we want to go about. Yeah, I guess making them shared. So I think we'll make an appointment with the fund and try and get the names you added. Yeah, yeah, me edded, Yeah, that's one.

Speaker 4

It's always just interesting asking about that stuff because it is pervy, and I appreciate that it's a very pervy topic that you probably won't like.

Speaker 2

Oh he's going to ask me about this, But I just.

Speaker 4

Know that people listening are going to go, oh, that's really interesting. Actually how it actually came to fruition And when your mom passed away, is there an inheritance there or is that there will basically passed everything to dad and that will be a conversation for hopefully fifty sixty years in the future.

Speaker 5

Yeah, so everything has been passed to dad, but partially because he hasn't been super aware of his own finance and he's had to rely on us for a bit of support. We kind of know what's there. Yeah, And he's been very open about like talking about what the options would look like for receiving an inheritance later on once he's passed away. But also he's kind of said he's open to like a portion of it earlier if

we needed support with like a house or something. So yeah, I feel quite lucky that he's been really honest and upfront about that kind of stuff.

Speaker 4

So yeah, that's very cool. And I think that, you know, having worked in this space quick refresher, I used to work as a financial advisor, which I think everybody knows, but I either worked with ultra high net wealth people or people who were dealing with an inheritance. And I feel like when that conversation comes up in a situation like yours, getting an inheritance in advance would probably have been a really awkward conversation even if it ever came up,

but wouldn't have been really an option. They would be like, what the hell? And now something really traumatic has happened. You've lost your mum. I think your dad is probably Do you think his mindset on it has shifted to actually, life is really fragile. I'd love to see my kids thrive while I'm around. Do you think that there has been like a big mindset shift around the way I guess life is approached now.

Speaker 5

Too, Yeah, for sure. Like I think that's a massive reason why we are obviously going traveling, Like we know that, Like Mum was one year off retiring.

Speaker 2

No, what a stitch up.

Speaker 5

I know, So it was really shitty. She and Dan had all these plans for seeing the world and traveling together because they never really got to do that. And I think like for my partner and I were like, okay, well we need to do that because you know, it's not a given that you're going to make it to retirement. So like there needs to be a balance between making reasonable contributions to your keep, say, but also having a

life and enjoying life while it's here. And I think same said for Dan, like we've been really encouraging him to, you know, grab life by the horns and make sure he lives his life his retirement, like for Mum as well, like yeah, that he goes to the places that they wanted to go to, even if it's a little bit different, and just enjoy everything while it's here.

Speaker 4

Yeah, And I know it's not even been a year yet, because you said, last year my mom passed away.

Speaker 2

How's your dad doing.

Speaker 5

I'm like really proud of him, to be honest. He's been a real trooper. Like it was such a shock. We just weren't anticipating it at all. Happened when they were on holiday, Oh no, And it's just such a massive mindset shift, Like he and Mum had such a plan for retirement. They were gonna, like you know, probably move out of the family home and find someone to live and do all this travel. And now he's like, well, where am I going to go? It feels like such

a massive decision. Who am I going to travel with? Who am I just like, you know, talking to about silly things like how your day's been.

Speaker 4

It's so true though, you just take all of it for granted, even though you don't mean to until something like this happens.

Speaker 5

Yeah, definitely. So it's been huge. Like I said earlier, mom she was kind of running the household. So he's been like learning how to kind of cook again, and you know, all that kind of stuff too, So he's really taken it in his stride, like I know he'll be fine, but I think it's been a rocky road and I think there's probably still quite a lot to cross before things are kind of like it's some kind of semblance of normal.

Speaker 4

Ah well, sending you and your family lots and lots of love, Thank you. I do want to ask, now, though, what do you think your best money habit is?

Speaker 2

Do you think it came from your mum?

Speaker 5

I think so.

Speaker 2

I have a sneaker suspicion that might be the case.

Speaker 5

Yeah, I think she was so organized. I think I can't say that I'm nearly as organized as she was, but I think getting there strike yeah, baby steps. The planning streak is there. I'm quite good at delayed gratifications, so I don't impulse spin very often. But that probably

leads into my worst money habit as well. But she's like getting quite stressed about spending money or like feeling guilty if I spend money, because I think, on the flip side of all this, I think that life is short and I should spend And then on the other side of things, I'm like, well, something could happen, and I might need it really quickly. So I'm sort of like navigating that.

Speaker 4

Finding a balance is important and really hard, and maybe I will do a podcast on finding balance, but like the whole podcast would be like.

Speaker 2

There's actually no right or wrong.

Speaker 4

Balance for you looks different to me, and even looks different to my partner, even though we live in the same house and just like you and your partner share finances completely connected. So I find it, yeah, really really interesting. But it's one of those things that I think you're consistently working on is what does it look like? And right now, obviously there's a lot that you're going through,

but then you're also planning some really big things. So balance right now is probably going to look a lot different to you know, in five or ten years time, when you're like, oh, we really want to settle down, we want to do this, we want to do that, and balance will look differently again. Like even me right now, going through this whole process of having a baby, I'm like, well, my priorities is shifting. Told me this would happen, and

I didn't believe them. I was like, no, I'm a money queen, Like I'm all over the story, guys, I've changed everything, Like it's really obnoxious. It's really important to kind of like always readdress it. But it's nice to be open and honest about like, oh that does make me anxious. Maybe having a think about why could help you. I guess guide forward money, Darrest. I feel like we have talked a lot. This has been a beautiful, eye opening chat. Thank you so much for sharing. I guess

so much about your mama. Like it's so nice to talk about people who are no longer here because you know their spirit lives on. But I also just feel like sometimes in hindsight we get to learn so much through them still.

Speaker 2

As well, for sure.

Speaker 4

But at the start of the episode, you said, oh, I think I'm a B plus to an AS, and I was like, okay, no worries, and like I couldn't agree more, But like, what would it take to get to an A plus?

Speaker 2

Like what would that look like in your eyes?

Speaker 5

I think it would be like being more confident in the way that I am choosing to spend, and like, I guess, structure my money. I think that's probably what it would be. I think knowing that it's probably all going to be fine and not trying to kind of sick and guess all my decision making and just be like, no, this is what is working for me, and I'm happy with that, and I'm not sick and kissing myself. I think that would be for me what it would take to get to an A plus love.

Speaker 4

Unfortunately, that is all we have time for today. Money dirist, it has been beautiful chatting to one of our friends across the ditch. I wouldn't be mad if you came and lived in Australia, like we would be better off for it.

Speaker 2

But it has been so nice chatting to you.

Speaker 4

I feel like I've got a lot out of this diary at a note that a lot of people in our community have as well, So thank you.

Speaker 2

It's really appreciated.

Speaker 5

Thank you so much.

Speaker 2

They'd buy shared on cheese.

Speaker 6

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