Do You Pay For Your Parents? - podcast episode cover

Do You Pay For Your Parents?

Feb 01, 202438 min
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Episode description

Friday is with us again, so get into the spirit with the gals as we celebrate your money wins, dive into some broke tips and answer a Money Dilemma about sorting out your super at 30 years old. Plus, you slid into our DMs about a boyfriend who is regularly paying for his parent's lifestyle. Is this normal to you, or a red flag? Tune in to get the goss from the gals!

 

Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.

The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Speaker 1

Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr

the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Let's get into it.

Speaker 3

She's on the Money, She's on the Money.

Speaker 4

Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast of people who want financial freedom. Today, my friend's surprise, it is Friday, and it means that it is time to get our little team together and celebrate you.

Speaker 2

How incredible.

Speaker 4

She's on the Money community today, Miss Jess Gricci, She's on the Money.

Speaker 2

Wins from our community.

Speaker 4

BECKSI Ede, She's got some broke tips and we're helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about.

Speaker 5

Sorting your super out.

Speaker 2

At thirty.

Speaker 4

We're also going to be unpacking something that you slid into our dams out which this week is about parents who borrow money and don't pay it back.

Speaker 2

But before we get there, my loves, how have your weeks been? What have you been up to? Anything exciting to report you?

Speaker 5

Good?

Speaker 1

Good luck?

Speaker 2

Chuck over here, how is your streak going? Good? Good?

Speaker 5

You're going well. We had our little team retreat this week, which was very fun, very fun.

Speaker 4

We had a pool, a whole house and I'm just surprised we got any work done.

Speaker 5

I I loved being down by the beach, enjoyed some beautiful sunsets stunning.

Speaker 4

For those of you following along and maybe haven't seen our socials.

Speaker 2

We stayed at Sagres Sagres. Is that how you say?

Speaker 5

Jess Sagres Sagres ye sag r.

Speaker 4

E s Segars in Queenscliff, most beautiful home like legit, it felt like we had like our little Shees on the Money sorority, Like we all had our fancy bedrooms, we had our communal dining room, we had a cool like it was very Elwoods vibes for us to do work and get motivated, but amazing. I thought that was really important to get the Shees on the Money team together to like make sure that we've got content coming

out because I'm having a baby. So I figured probably should take the team away, lock them in a room together, basically.

Speaker 2

And go, how are we dealing with my matt leave? Is there anything you need from me?

Speaker 4

What can we do so that there's no bumps in the road, because otherwise I will be like peeping over their shoulders and be like hey, yes, what do and you will go back to maternity leave and I'll be like.

Speaker 5

Lord, yeah, yeah, yeah, sound was really fun. How has your week been? Yeah?

Speaker 2

Very nice.

Speaker 6

I saw all of us strangers.

Speaker 2

Oh, it was good.

Speaker 5

It was good.

Speaker 6

I just want to say to a musical movie, I'm not a big musical girl.

Speaker 4

I was so excited when I heard that The Mean Girl's movie was coming out, and then someone was like, by the way, it's musical, and I was like, I'm out.

Speaker 5

The Mean Girls musical.

Speaker 6

That is fabulous?

Speaker 2

Is it actual? Actually?

Speaker 5

Yeah it is. So it was a movie that was adapted to a musical that has now been adapted to a movie.

Speaker 4

So a movie that is a musical, yes, No, I'm out any musical movies. Like, it's just not me unless it's high school musical, in which case they were very clear about what it was going to be with the titles.

Speaker 5

Yes, except that I do feel like the Mean Girls trailer doesn't showcase strongly that it is a musical, so I can understand why some people were taking to surprise. They really Trojan horsed us.

Speaker 6

But other than that, Yeah.

Speaker 2

It's just being real chill.

Speaker 6

Living, loving and laughing at the moment.

Speaker 2

Oh, you're in the right conditions to love last Yeah, I love that for you. And what about UV just feeling really heavy?

Speaker 1

That's it.

Speaker 4

We had a really good time at the retreat and now I'm just feeling like a bit of a heaflump to.

Speaker 6

Be honest, like I got to blow.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 4

Cool, that's my update, because you don't actually want to know what's been going on with my buddy. Anyway, let's jump straight in, Miss Jesse Gricci.

Speaker 2

Community money Wins. What are you bringing to the table this week?

Speaker 5

Firstly, this week I have a money win from April, who said, went through my old boxes from my early twenties in my parents shed over the holiday break. I found a bunch of notes from when I traveled to Europe that I kept as a souvenir. This is financial money now dollar dollar bills, she said. I decided to keep some of the other more meaningful bits and bobs I picked up during my trip as souvenirs instead, and I cashed in the notes over the weekend, which was an extrae hundred and fifty bucks.

Speaker 2

Oh my gosh, that's so much money. That's an expensive souvenir.

Speaker 5

Well, how often do you come home from a trip and you have just random coins? And I have a jar of like foreign money, which I use is like decorps, but which I'm like, oh, this is kind of fun. Expensive if you if you took it to an exchange place and they did all the coins and stuff, it probably adds up. It true does fun little idea from April. Next, I've got a money win from Ambray, who said, I actually stuck to my budget this.

Speaker 2

Week, so much harder done. Then said, so I love this for.

Speaker 5

You, completely agree. Then I've got one from Sea who said I found an unopened copy of the board game Telestrations at the shop. They Illustrations Tallestrations. If you have not played it is my favorite game. It is what. Let me give you a real quick right. Now, Okay, it's good for small and big groups because you can buy like an upsized one that has up to twelve players.

So everyone, well players, Everyone gets a little pad like that's got whiteboard pages and a pen and an eraser and so on the very front page, you draw a card and it gives you something. Let's say you get the Man in the moon, right, So the first person text like this, Yes, so your thing is a text on your card. So you write on the first page the man in the Moon. You flip the page and you pass it to the person on your level, so everyone has the thing. Everyone gets the one from next

to them. You look at the text and you draw it right then you pass it along. The person looks at your drawing and has to write what they think that you drew, and it passes along. The next person draws what the So you're you're effectively drawing or writing from the page in front of you. Right. So then you get back to the start, and you start at the end and you go, okay, I've ended up with catdog cheese, and you go, this is what the person drew, And then you see the progression of how.

Speaker 2

It's changed this game you don't.

Speaker 5

It's just so funny.

Speaker 6

Literally play this on the weekend.

Speaker 5

It's such a good game.

Speaker 6

It's such a good game at the end, I don't hope like everyone does.

Speaker 2

Is but competitive, guys, I need a win.

Speaker 6

Well, you can actually win. The way that we do it is at the end, when we're doing our slideshow of like progression and things like that, we auction off the artwork.

Speaker 5

For a few cents. This is worth four cents or like, if your clues worked, I guess you could track how many if you really want to run curate. It's so fun anyway, Oh.

Speaker 2

I love that. That sounds really fun.

Speaker 4

But I more of a like gets to win the game Katan kind of girl. I've played so much of it, like every weekend. I think for the last month, I've played at least two games of Katan.

Speaker 2

That shows you how cool I am. Wow, Just what else have you got?

Speaker 5

Let's not talk about well, let me finish's win. She said. The game normally goes for twenty nine dollars at the shop, it was marked to thirteen, and at that particular day it was fifty percent off toys, so she paid six dollars fifteen for brand new telestrations by illustration. I highly recommend it, even though I can't win, because.

Speaker 6

Just think of your own sentence is you know it's a zerio dollar game anyway.

Speaker 5

Oh, you totally could do it without the actual thing. For sure, next time I need the structure. Sure, next I've got to win. From Carli, who said, I really drilled into my health insurance coverage my needs, and I balanced it with having my own emergency fund. So I've kept my insurance at a lower level and started my own emergency fund coverage for what I felt like I needed.

Speaker 2

Oh that's really smart, very smart.

Speaker 5

Review health insurances. You're probably paying for something you don't need.

Speaker 7

Yeah.

Speaker 4

I think I've shared on the podcast before that I have private health insurance. But something I did a couple of years ago, which made a lot of sense at the time, was drill through it then call them and be like, hey, can I please have this this and this removed from my policy because like I'm not going to use it right Yeah, And like sometimes there are blanket policies like I did not need to be covered

for testicular can suggests. Yes, Like that didn't make sense, And at the time I was like, I'm a boss lady, I don't need no child, I don't need maternity cover.

Speaker 2

Yes, how'd that work.

Speaker 5

Out for me? Jess? You did forget to put it back on?

Speaker 4

I did, and so I'm very lucky that the date I did re implement it once I learned that that was, you know, missing from my cover. But thankfully I learned before this pregnancy started. But it means that my cover only kicks in literally like three weeks before the babies do, so I've had to pay out of pocket for literally everything except my hospital stay.

Speaker 5

She burns.

Speaker 4

Yeah, so you know, if you've removed something from your cover, which is great because you're not using it, maybe put a calendar reminder in.

Speaker 2

For every year and be like, do you want.

Speaker 5

To check now? Have you changed your mind?

Speaker 2

Do you now want children? Victoria? Like sounds trivial, but like that would have saved you thousands of dollars.

Speaker 5

The great tips are review but don't forget to come back. And yes, then I've got money in from a net who said I enrolled in Tafe to study a diploma last year and I got it for free money. And then I've applied for another course this year, which is also free as well, how goods that?

Speaker 2

Love that?

Speaker 5

And then lastly, I've got a good one from Lauren who said I got into the OS Open with a ten dollar kids ticket because I'm five foot tall and can pass as a child despite the fact that I'm twenty six years old.

Speaker 2

That's so cheeky.

Speaker 4

We definitely shouldn't be promoting it, but I do have a friend that also does that.

Speaker 5

And yeah, very nice, very nice.

Speaker 7

Carry on.

Speaker 4

Questions, no answers, moving on, Beck, please don't use that as your broke tips.

Speaker 6

What if you got if you look younger than you are?

Speaker 1

No?

Speaker 6

Okay, So, as usual, we do have two from the community, one for myself. So the first one comes from Mikayla, who said that if you have any old veggies just lying around in your fridge instead of just throwing them out, chop them up and make some frozen dumplings or eat day of if you have done, which is great idea because otherwise we just chuck them out. You can also say with curries and things like that, but you can't

really freeze it as well as a dumpling. Also, you can't you can still get the texture of the vegetable in a curry. You can't in a dumpling. It's almost wasteful to use a fresh vegetable in a dumpling.

Speaker 2

It's true. Use your little limp carrots and put them in.

Speaker 6

Dumpling, those soft carrots. The next one comes from my housemate Alison, who is currently just I'm so impressed by her. I know I've mentioned this before, but propagating, you know, plants and things like that, but.

Speaker 2

Woman after my own heart.

Speaker 4

Yes, you sneapy, snippy totally and even just like a liberated plant, don't we just cut so.

Speaker 6

In particular, using the seeds from your tomatoes and things you get from the actual grocery store. It just literally I mean she probably does more than this, but in my mind, she just chucks them in the garden and they grow into the Absolutely, I think we've got potatoes growing, got carrots, we've got tomatoes, we've got everything, and just

like we've got like a whole garden. And she's doing an amazing Job's particularly, she's just using the things that she would have already bought from the grocery store anyway, but.

Speaker 4

Now we just have to that's really wholesome too, So nice little weekend activity it is.

Speaker 6

And it is a nice little reminder. I know we've mentioned similar things on the show before, but it's just a nice reminder to just chuck everything in the garden and hope for the best.

Speaker 2

What else have you got? What's your breake tip?

Speaker 6

Okay, So, because I see Valentine's Day is coming up, some people don't celebrate obviously I am single, so but I just wanted to give the love shout out.

Speaker 2

To go Beck single. She's like getting this on the pod early.

Speaker 5

If you would like to like to change that exactly.

Speaker 4

Or this is like dating for bec She's on the date is what this podcast is now. So if you would like to date Beck, don't slide into her DMS because I would like to take credit as matchmaker.

Speaker 2

I'll slide into mine and I'll hook a gal up.

Speaker 5

Please.

Speaker 2

Also would be very cute, so tip, let.

Speaker 6

Me payer dinner.

Speaker 5

I'm free on Valentine's Day.

Speaker 2

No, I'm not Valentine's Day.

Speaker 5

Everyone in the room is free.

Speaker 6

No, but I was going to just share some cheap and cute Valentine's Day ideas you don't have to use. You don't have to use for Valentine's Day. You can use it for any kind of date, but also you can use it with your friends and things like that.

Speaker 5

So what have you got?

Speaker 6

Okay? So one of my favorite things to do is to just take a couple of board games and go sit in the park with a five dollar bottle of wine. I always mentioned this five dollar bottle of wine. It's so cheap. I just can't get around cheapens, like take

a game of chess and things like that. But what I did once with my best friend who I mentioned all the time as well highly live, what I did was I got her to leave the house for a little while and I turned our house into a pub, so instead of going out for seriously, I did this through COVID, though I probably have like photos and videos somewhere that I'll show.

Speaker 5

Please, But did you like pour beer all over the carpet so it's got sticky? I did?

Speaker 6

I did. I made the carpet sticky. I even put like heat on the wall.

Speaker 8

I did.

Speaker 6

I just grossing to.

Speaker 4

Make it as authentic experience possible exactly.

Speaker 6

And you know, we go north side pubs, so I tried to make it air exactly, very grungy. But I just got some paper which is obviously you know it doesn't have to be too expensive. And I wrote up menus. I got frozen pizzas and put those. I made them sound really good, like, you know, like ham and pineapple. I put it on there as a twenty four hours slow roasted pork.

Speaker 2

It was really just like a.

Speaker 5

Pineapple throats and pizza. So and I play. I love this.

Speaker 6

I put like signs in our bathroom if anyone's making you feel uncomfortable. And you know, I got like a case of beers, which is cheaper. You know, twenty beers at a pub is like, I don't know, several thousand dollars. I don't know bad math, but you know it's probably sixty bucks from the liquor store.

Speaker 2

Of Yeah, I know, that's genius.

Speaker 6

I thought, you know, and you put on a movie on Netflix.

Speaker 5

It's all, it's all.

Speaker 6

It doesn't have to be that expensive at all.

Speaker 2

It's actually so cute.

Speaker 5

I want to do that. That's really cute.

Speaker 2

It was really four on our carpet, though there's a line. That's where it is for me.

Speaker 5

That's fair.

Speaker 6

You still have to weigh on the on the floor somewhere.

Speaker 2

No bathrooms, no never.

Speaker 5

If you have a male female bathroom in your home.

Speaker 6

I will be very pressed where all sitles or gender bathroom.

Speaker 4

Sign Just put an old gender sign on your own actual toylet if you go do that as well.

Speaker 6

Yeah from memory, so funny. But anyway, so that's my ROAK tip is to turn your home into a pub.

Speaker 5

I love it, I like it, I love it.

Speaker 2

All right, let's go to a really quick break. I need to see these photos of this pub.

Speaker 4

And on the flip side, we're going to be talking about sorting out your super ed of thirty and we're also going to be answering and unpacking something that you slid into our DMS about.

Speaker 2

So don't go anywhere.

Speaker 5

Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to the money dilemma.

Speaker 4

Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The Sheese on the Money team is here to help.

Speaker 8

Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show.

Speaker 2

Now, let's take a listen to the week's money dilemma.

Speaker 7

Hey, I need your help. I'm twenty eight years old and I have no SUPER, like zero dollars. I work full time as a nanny, and I'm earning just shy of ninety k. However, because I work for two families and less than thirty hours at each of them, I fall into a weird category of domestic employee that doesn't qualify for SUPER from their employers. I adore my job, and I love the families I work for, but I just think that in this industry, it's just really hard

to earn SUPER from your employers. It's hard to qualify. So I know I need to start on my own somehow. And the closer I get to thirty and the more I listen to the podcast, the more worried I am for my future. But I just don't know where to start.

Speaker 8

Help.

Speaker 4

I love this question because I feel like there are lots of people in this situation, but also it applies to people who are self employed, Like they have income and they're like, but I'm not being paid SUPER. In these circumstances, it is your responsibility to build eleven percent into the amount that you are being paid.

Speaker 2

So if you want to earn twenty dollars an hour.

Speaker 5

You need to add your.

Speaker 2

Supranuation to cost to that.

Speaker 4

And that is why more often than not, those hourly rates when you know you're not paying SUPER and you are paying a quote casual employee, do not consist of superanuation, but they are higher so that you know a freelancer is meant to pay themselves, right, Like we've worked with so many freelancers and we never pay them super.

Speaker 2

Not because we're dodgy, but that's how the world works.

Speaker 4

Like a freelancer might cost me one hundred dollars an hour, right, but I know of that when that gets to them, they're paying their tax, they're paying their superranuation, or they should be paying their superannuation and their business overhead. So the true cost of it obviously comes down after their business expenses. But this is the way you should be seeing it as well. If you know from the start,

all right, well I'm not going to get SUPER. Instead of saying I earn ninety thousand dollars is year, well actually you earn ninety thousand dollars including SUPER, and you need to work out what that amount is and take that out and put it into your superannuation for your future. It is so important to be putting to you first, and it could also be about renegotiating a rate. But to me, in those roles, it's not actually about even approaching your employer and saying you need to pay me SUPER.

Because of the way you're employed, you're basically a freelancer, so it's actually your responsibility to be paying you SUPER. And if you ask for a pay rise, it's not oh, yes, I need to up my rates because I need to pay myself SUPER.

Speaker 2

It's oh, Jess, my rates are going up year.

Speaker 4

You may also just like cost of living has increased full stop, end of story, but some of that income that you already earned needs to be allocated towards SUPER like end of story.

Speaker 2

And I feel like I have danced around it for a long time.

Speaker 4

And I am also very aware that I sound hypocritical in this conversation because if you know me personally, you know that I did compromise my SUPER to start my business.

Speaker 5

Lots of small business owners do that.

Speaker 2

Is it the right thing?

Speaker 5

Absolutely not?

Speaker 2

Like this is definitely a do as I say, not as I do thing. But I also want to let you know if you're a freelancer and you don't pay self super.

Speaker 5

Yet bybe I get it.

Speaker 4

We've all been there, Like sometimes I didn't have enough money coming in the door to even pay myself a wage, let alone superannuation, and I just was trying to hustle to get my business where.

Speaker 5

I wanted it to be.

Speaker 2

Now I do and have sorted it all out and I've definitely back paid it and we're all good. But one, I get it, but two prioritize it.

Speaker 4

It's future you that's missing out, and you're not working in these jobs to put yourself behind. So many times you talk to freelancers who are just like the biggest hustlers, and you're just like, you work so hard to put yourself ahead. No one works that hard and doesn't want to be in a better position after to find out they're shooting themselves in the foot because they will retire with much less SUPER than the average PAYG employee just because they haven't prioritized it.

Speaker 5

Yeah, in ninety K inclusive of super is of like, that's a package that a lot of people earn in there. So like, even if you're not up in your rates, there is from my perspective, no reason to not be going through. I agree the other thing I would suggest is you said you're twenty eight, you have zero SUPER. You need to be working on building that up, whether that's within SUPER or whether that's in investments outside of SUPER. Obviously SUPER has a lot of really fantastic tax benefits,

so look into what works for you. But if you genuinely have zero dollars in SUPER, and particularly if you didn't have an investment, either if you've just kind of been spending the money or saving the money or living your best life, definitely I would say sit down and look at a plan, as you said, ved to prioritize that and start contributing. Because at thirty, I think you're the suggested amount to retire with a livable wage is around thirty five forty thousand dollars.

Speaker 2

Yes, that's correct.

Speaker 5

So whether that's in SUPER or whether that's in an independent investment, you know your call as a business owner. But if you're not kind of sitting around there, I would be looking at a strategy or a plan to help get you on your way. And I don't mean that to sound overwhelming, but like that's no, that's the reality of the situation, Like you need to put future you first. One website that could be really helpful for you is paycalculator.

Speaker 2

Dot com dot au. So what you do is pop in your annual salary.

Speaker 4

So I've just done this ninety thousand dollars and right now, not including super, your annual pays sixty eight thousand, four hundred and eighty three dollars. Because you have a taxable income of ninety thousand dollars in the twenty twenty three twenty twenty four tax year, you're going to pay a total of twenty one thousand, five hundred and seventeen dollars tax, not taking into consideration if you have any like student loans.

But if we click the option that says include superannuation, that flip set and it says, well, actually your annual is now sixty two thousand, six hundred and forty one dollars with a taxable income of eighty one thousand and

eighty one dollars. Superannuation that you would be paying out of that ninety thousand dollars package would be eight thousand, nine one hundred and eighteen dollars a year, which means you're paying eighteen thousand, four hundred and thirty nine dollars in tax a year instead of the twenty one thousand, so there are some tax benefits as well to putting money in SUPER. Obviously this is an advice. It's more like,

go and work out what works for you. But at the end of the day, if your structure is that you don't get paid super, you need to build it in. So not I earn ninety thousand dollars a year, I earn ninety thousand dollars as a package each year, which means I actually earn eighty one thousand and I pay eight thousand, nine hundred in Super.

Speaker 2

Does that make sense?

Speaker 4

That totally makes sense, And that's still a great wage, like a fantastic wage, and you're putting future you first.

Speaker 2

Totally. My only advice is to be harming yourself.

Speaker 5

She sounded very stressful for the Endea, And.

Speaker 6

I told you, did You've been doing the less that you can. Yes, exactly, You're doing great, and it's never too late and you're fine.

Speaker 5

It's good that you're thinking about it. That's awesome.

Speaker 4

I think it's really smart to think about it, and you are absolutely correct, Beck, Like, there is no better time than today to start. And I'm so glad that you're in our community because you're going to be in the best possible position that you can be.

Speaker 2

Mm hmm oh when you get to be along for the ride, How good is that?

Speaker 4

Yes, all right, let's move on, my friends, We once again have a juicy money dilemma that you slid into our dms about.

Speaker 2

So here is our DM of the week.

Speaker 5

Are you ready, ready?

Speaker 6

Ready?

Speaker 2

High?

Speaker 4

She's on the money. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now. His parents always ask him for money. I'm talking like four hundred dollars every couple of weeks, but they never pay him back. We don't share finances, but we are trying really hard to save for our shared goals, like buying a house together in

the future. This is getting really difficult to save when he continually gives them money, and now I'm contributing more towards our shared goals as he has less savings due to this.

Speaker 5

Also, his parents have all paying jobs.

Speaker 4

They just have bad, expensive habits and rely on their son as backup, which is even more frustrating. We've been fighting about this and I told him this is negatively impacting our ability to reach our goals. He said, I'm being controlling trying to convince him not to help his parents.

Speaker 2

But really I'm trying to do what's best for him and our future together. I'm not sure what to do now as it really doesn't.

Speaker 5

Sit well with me what he's doing.

Speaker 2

Please help.

Speaker 6

Uncomfortable, very yeah, awkward, and just what do you do?

Speaker 5

I feel like it's hard because to me, this is one of the very few things I feel like nobody else really has input over. Like I think that I know that you know, when your parents have raised you, they have obviously put a lot of money into raising you as a child, not to make you sound like

a prized cow to fair or something. They've looked after you for so long that a lot of children, I think, want to repay that when the roles are reversed, and you know, I think there's I've seen a lot of quotes and discussion around how people kind of age up and then age down, like you hit your peak and then you kind of regress, and then sometimes you know, for some people, they then want to step in and support their parents in the way that their parents supported them.

In certain cultures, it's also very common for children to support their parents completely once they reach a certain age. So I you know, that's another lot of aspects we.

Speaker 2

Don't have insight into. Is this a centural thing and you just haven't tapped into that being a cultural.

Speaker 5

Thing and you know who knows?

Speaker 2

Yeah? Or are you just like me and you're straight stray in and that's not really a part of your culture.

Speaker 4

And that's why you find it really frustrating because you know, just to extrapolate it out, you're saying, and you said in this that you know they have some bad expensive habits. What are those bad expensive habits? So why is your partner funding them if they're not good for their.

Speaker 2

Parents as well?

Speaker 5

Like, I just feel like there's a lot more to the story totally. I feel like my suggestion for a solution would simply be that if you are feeling uncomfortable with the fact that you now I feel like you're contributing more financially, you feel like it's a bit uneven. If he wants to continue to support his parents, I

think that should be his decision. But I suppose to equalize the playing field, maybe the conversation is okay, Well, if you're taking four hundred dollars out a month or a fortnight or whatever, I'm going to contribute four hundred dollars less and I'm going to put that towards something for me. So maybe you put it in an investment portfolio, or maybe you put it towards something you want to treat yourself with, and you kind of equalize those contributions

in a way that you want. Like I know we've discussed before, there's many different ways to approach your money, and not everyone wants it to be exactly tit for tat, But if it's a point of contention, maybe that is that that's the best way I can kind of think of to solve it. No, I totally agree to kind of pull that back he continues to do what is important to him and important to his family, because I do think that that's maybe not necessarily something that anyone

else can tell you how to manage. Like your relationship with your family, I think is deeply personal. And if our listener is worried about the impact on their financial goals, you know, strip it back, kind of even out the playing field and maybe read the timeline for the goals that you have.

Speaker 6

I totally agree my advice is going to be similar to that, almost exactly the same.

Speaker 2

But obviously communication say what she says what she said.

Speaker 6

No, But yeah, communication is key, and also yeah, I would say I guess it would be really frustrating if you have already mapped out when you're going to reach your goal by and it's like, you know your second half, you know, the person who's meant to be contributing the same amount or not that much less. Is kind of like not really pulling the weight in that regard. But yeah, it is one of those things. It's like you currently say anything. You can't talk to the parents. Obviously they're

not yours. It depends on your dynamic with them. Maybe you're super comfortable.

Speaker 1

I don't know.

Speaker 2

I agree with you on the communication piece.

Speaker 4

It feels like there's a lack of understanding from both sides, like you're clearly not on the same page about it. I think we need to step back and then go, oh, hey, Jess, can we sit down and like properly talk about this, Like obviously that's important to you.

Speaker 2

We need to factor it in.

Speaker 4

It's like, let's be honest, it's happening so often, happening every week or whatever it is, we now need to build this into our budget. If you're going to continue it, that's fine, but like we need to be talking about our goals and what that looks like. And you know, I think that if you don't go, I don't want you doing it. Let's talk about that, that's going to

create some bruffage. But if you say, look, we actually just need to revisit our budget because obviously we're not able to do this, we quote we need to be contributing to this, and then once you sit down, you go, well, I don't want to contribute to that.

Speaker 2

I want to be doing this. But what does it look like like if your parents are asking you for this?

Speaker 5

Let's have a look.

Speaker 4

How much have we given them over the last few months? Okay, X thousand dollars? Okay, no worries.

Speaker 2

How do we make sure that you are in a position to do that and achieve your goals? Does that mean?

Speaker 4

And I think that the reality of the circumstances might come tumbling down then, because if you're doing it ad hoc, you go whatever whatever every time, right, But if then I go, oh, beck, like that means that you know, how we wanted to buy a house next year, it's not going to happen.

Speaker 5

That's okay.

Speaker 2

What will happen though, is we could probably buy a house in three or four years. You're right with that, and I'm almost certain that your partner will be like, wait, wait, I no, no, no, that's not what we wanted. But that's how money works. It's not endless.

Speaker 4

Like I think, having a really good, non judgmental conversation about it, because you might think it's the worst thing ever. But then I look at it and go if my parents reached out to me and said they need a cash, which they don't, I would give it to them in heartbeat. I don't think i'd even question it. No, like sister sibling, honestly, Jes asked me for cash tomorrow, I'd be like, oh, of course, I'll look after you, like, don't worry. Yeah,

I'm that type of person. And that's not that sounds terrible. It's not a flex thing. It's more that's what I would want to do in that circumstance if I have the means. So your partner might be very similar and they're like, yeah, but like I know what compromises my goals, but my family's more important. So like we need to have that conversation and get on the same page because you might not have grown up in a similar situation.

You might go, oh, my parents I left when I was six, want nothing to do with them, would never give them a dollar, And then that mindset is overlaying what they're doing, and you're going, well, that makes no sense.

Speaker 5

I'd never do that.

Speaker 2

Why would you do that? So I think we need to kind of like step back and just have.

Speaker 4

Some open, honest communication about this, because you both deserve that clarity, because then at least you can feel at peace with the decision they're making. And going back to what you said, yes, if there's spare cash, because you're like, well, I'm not going to be buying this house on my own, you can allocate it towards another investment goal, to make sure that you're still working towards a safe financial future.

Speaker 5

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Love that.

Speaker 5

What did everyone else say?

Speaker 4

Oh, God, spicy, you're ready. And we asked, obviously for your two cents. First question we asked was would you be frustrated if your partner was giving significant dollars to their parents.

Speaker 2

Ninety percent of you said yes. Well, he said, if your parents continued to ask for your help with money, would you give it? Forty percent of you said yes. Sixty percent said no, I.

Speaker 5

Guess it does depend on what it's like. If they're using it for drugs, then you go, okay, probably not exactly.

Speaker 2

And that's where I'm like, we need some context. You said it was a bad habit, but like, what is a bad habit that you just keep overspending and you didn't allocate money for the bills this month, or like is that crystal meth?

Speaker 5

Like there's a different delineation, you know.

Speaker 4

We then asked you if yes, so as if you would continue to give your parents money why And we have a number of different answers.

Speaker 2

So they've always helped me whenever I'd need it. It's reciprocal.

Speaker 4

Someone said, if I was in a position to help my parents, I would, similarly to how they've always helped me get as far as I have.

Speaker 5

Some people said mine wouldn't.

Speaker 4

Ask if they were desperate, so if they asked, I'd sell everything I own for them. I was like, you're Someone said, look, I trust them to always return it with some interest, of course. Someone said, my mum sacrificed everything for me, and she wouldn't ask unless she really really needed it. Someone said, the bank of Mom and Dad's actually supported me thus far in my hard times. I would want to return that favor. So it was

very much if you said, yes, that's absolutely it. But then the tables turned and someone said I'd do it. I don't want to.

Speaker 2

I'd just feel guilty, Like I can see where that comes from.

Speaker 4

Someone said, I grew up in a Chinese household. It's actually expected that I fund my parents' lifestyle, right. Someone said they're not going to ask for it for bad habits, but if it was for good things, I'm sure I would be happy to give it to them. And then a lot of other people said, if it's a cultural thing, maybe your partner could give Cole's gift cards so they don't have access to cash for whatever bad habit that is.

Speaker 5

That's an interesting idea.

Speaker 4

Yeah, well I don't know because I don't know what the cash is being correct, Yeah, it depends on I suppose. I mean you could extrapolate that out and be like, oh, what's it for, And if it's for a bill'll be like, oh, send me a copy of it, and I'll just be paying myself, like I'll organize it. We did then say, well, if you wouldn't give your parents cash, How would you go about telling them that you can't help. Someone said, sharing with them that as an adult, their finances are not my respec.

Speaker 5

Also technically true. It's such a hard thing because I completely agree and understand what everyone's said around like wanting to support their parents who have supported them and helped them. But at the end of the day, like you didn't ask to be born and so which it's very aggressive, but do you know what I mean? If again, depending on what that bad habit is, if you're not in the position or you don't want to, I think that's also fair and valid.

Speaker 1

Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4

Someone said I'd discuss boundaries with my parents about my parent child relationship.

Speaker 5

And my future goals and how that's impacting them.

Speaker 4

Someone else said, in my situation, I'd express that I have my own goals and I'm trying to meet them. Someone said, I'm really not in a position. I'm so sorry I can't do this anymore. I would have loved to help, it's just not a possibility. You feel like it's a bit more gentle. Someone said, I'd be really blunt. I'd give them all the information for Centerlink Financial Counseling, etc.

Speaker 2

And leave it at that resources are really helpful for people totally.

Speaker 4

Someone said I'd just be straight up if I can't afford it, I can't thought it, And then someone else said, sitting them down for a calm and honest conversation about their habits and how they are not helping themselves. I feel like I would probably be a little bit more gentle than that, Like, I just can't imagine doing it.

Speaker 2

But that's my relationship with my parents.

Speaker 4

But I guess this idea of just saying, look, I'm really not in the position to support that, so sorry.

Speaker 5

Even if you've been doing it for a little while, I.

Speaker 4

Think you can go back and be like, look, I can't continue to do this. It's now impacting my bigger goals and stuff.

Speaker 5

Cost of living is getting worse. Yeah, So I think that that.

Speaker 4

Is absolutely fine and obviously the your boundaries draw them.

Speaker 5

Yeah, enforce them. We then said have you been in a similar situation.

Speaker 2

If so, what happened? And someone said, I regularly help support my mum and my partner and I have open communication about this. Heat doesn't mind at all. Someone said, yep, I send money to support.

Speaker 4

My family who's in Ethiopia. It's an obligation. I can't ever shed sure seek cultural again. Like, I just think that there's so much, many layers to this conversation that we don't understand. Someone said, yeap, very similar where my mum ended up taking out a personal loan at to start a business.

Speaker 2

It went south and I had to.

Speaker 5

Clean up the pieces.

Speaker 2

Someone said, I'm in a really similar situation and it's a real shot feeling for all those reasons.

Speaker 4

Someone said, I'm Asian. Most Asian parents expect money from their kids. Mine asked for thirty percent of my pay.

Speaker 2

Wow.

Speaker 4

I refused to give it, and then I was being compared to my cousins who actually did it.

Speaker 2

And I have to pay rent and mortgage, so this is very hard on me.

Speaker 5

It's a lot lot. Yeah, it's hard, I think as well.

Speaker 4

A lot of thirty percent is like less than what a lot of people are paying on their mortgage. But like on average, if I could put everyone in a perfect position, he'd be only spending about thirty percent on your mortgage. So that's a mortgage or a payment guys huge.

Speaker 5

Amount of money, and it's hard for a lot of people who maybe are balancing their parents' culture and their own cultural identity, especially immigrants. I have a few friends who have either them or their parents.

Speaker 4

And they're like first generation, so it's not really something that they've tackled before.

Speaker 5

Yeah, and it's it's almost like navigating, you know, the set of rules and the way that it could realistic work in one country versus here, and the norms that they observe in other family dynamics. And it can see how it also would be really hard to save your parents, hey, like, like, I know you've spent your whole life thinking that I would pay for you, but there's only so much that is within my means.

Speaker 2

Like, that's exactly huge COSI livy crisis.

Speaker 5

Yeah. So a couple more, someone said, how long's a piece of string?

Speaker 4

Someone said, you should set up a binding financial agreement, second last one, because I don't want to end on a trainer. But someone said, I ended up having to have an intervention with my parents and they're overspending after a few health issues arised from what they were spending money on. And then someone said, look, I used to support my parents and now had to reset some boundaries. But we are both on the same page because we had open, honest communication and I think that that's where

we will leave it. But yeah, I think again open hoes communication exactly what you were saying, Beck, Like you just can't leave it in that situation. And I feel like there's such a lack of clarity from both parties about like what they can do, what you can do, and like how are we sharing finances in the future, Like we need.

Speaker 2

Lots of chats.

Speaker 4

Yes, agreed, Right, that is all we have time for today, My loves, I hope you have the best weekend and.

Speaker 5

We'll see you bright nearly from Money Dari's on Monday. Bye, guys, love you Bye.

Speaker 8

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Speaker 2

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Speaker 4

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