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We are joined by my husband, Christopher Wimhoff Ramsey himself. The biggest hypocrite of the year is here in person. Absolutely brilliant. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Join the ice bath society. I can't speak. I have never said anything against ice bath. You were prepared as therefore of everybody listening to the podcast now. Set your mind back to a few weeks ago when Chris used it as one of his sponsors, I think, slacking off people who go in ice baths regularly and post it online.
If you saw my Instagram the other day, Chris is now an ice bather. He's fully immersed in it. Doesn't show up about it. You knew what you signed up for when you married me. You knew from day one that I was an ice bath guy. I've always been an ice bath guy. I was born in ice. God damn it, I'll die in ice. Listen. You should never have slacked. Why did you slag it off in the business? This is what I do. This is what I do. I slag things off and then I take me time and then I get on board with them.
Some might say when it's gone out of fashion a bit, that's what I do. You don't only get on board with stuff. You really, you end up. I become the CEO of the CEO of the company. I slag it off to the point of, you know, you get me self angry and work on both stuff. And then I try it and then I go out. I was like, I like it now. And I become the CEO of the company. I spend a lot of money on these things. See also teakicks. But look. See also bike. See also.
It takes a big big big big big big big man to admit when he was wrong. And I am that man. And I'm basically right. Everyone was doing them. But first of all, I haven't put a you put the fucking photo on. I haven't put a video on myself. No, you haven't. Everyone everyone does that can still go to hell. I'll probably on my post one on Friday. Now listen. I explain yourself. Everyone who was doing it. Everyone was doing it was like a fucking, you know, like a 0% body fat shredded.
I get up at 4 a.m. and go for a 10 mile run and drink a Roy egg kind of person. And I thought, oh, well, we're not there. And then someone I know. And it's actually you're not you're not mind if I name check him. James Gill. Host and promoter of ABC comedy or a B comedy. Always be comedy. Pretty normal guy. Lovely guy. He's done warm up on TV shows we've done before. Lovely, lovely block. Very positive. Very lovely. But not over the top in your face.
No, but I mean, just don't like just an everyday blog. It's normal. It's more bananas than anyone ever met me life. That's the only thing I would say is maybe he's been a man. But listen, so he started to swear at a randomly emailed him. And I was like, look, you're the only person who isn't like, you know, a certifiable sort of lunatic or or athlete who I know who's doing this.
Is it any good? And he was like, well, yeah. And I looked at the benefits. And I was like, you know what? All of them are things that I could do with getting help with. Yeah, mainly, you know, the other week on the podcast, I was just fucking. And then, actually, the things that are cute as a checklist of your person.
Yeah, the only one that doesn't do is stop you being a cunt. I've got I've still got a word on that one. And normally you've got to work on that one personally in in your own time, which is really doing me heading. But yeah, so I just said it was like, look me. I was like, you're the only person who isn't like, you know, a cult, a cult leader. And he just said, I was like, yeah, it's good. I think I feel a bit more energetic. And it was the energy thing for me.
I was on this podcast the other week screaming about being knackered. And annoyingly, I'm really fucking knackered even though I did the ice path today. And what the hell's happened? I've done something wrong. I don't know what's happened. But I'm really tired to get it. Which is not, but it's all right. It's fun. It's not fun. I've done it three times so far. It's terrible. Nothing enjoyable about it at all. I have slept a little bit better than that. I felt no benefits.
I'm giving it a month. And then if I don't feel any, I'm not doing it again. I enjoyed a hot shower. I enjoyed a hot shower afterwards. And you fucking hit me this morning with your notables to do a hot shower afterwards. And I googled it and it was like, yeah, avoid doing that. I'm like, but that was the best fucking bit. I didn't know. Sitting in the freezing water going. It's all right. I've been a hot shower in a minute. It's really nice. Fucking you can't have no.
I just, I just feel like I'm getting old. Do you not feel like that? Yeah. Well, no. Yes. Yes. So there's probably trying ear olds isn't this podcast guys. I'm so sorry. We are old codges like codges. That's a new one. Just I didn't know. I feel like we're just do we do stuff now to just try and improve our life because we feel like shit all the time. I'm in day tablets when it's not sunny. I know. I'm like, what but I have that is like I put sunscreen on every day and all right because I
not got me skin so much because I worked abroad and didn't put any sunscreen on me face. Roads. You work on roads. Yeah, too. So much. Yeah, but I've fucked me face. That's why I look older than my sister. Everyone's like your sister looks great. She looks so much younger than you. And I'm like, yeah, she didn't live abroad. Nice. Nice things people to see. Yeah, I get that. Right. Right.
You see love that love that love that for me. Um, my sister didn't live a life of debauchery and I tried. He's like I did. They were going to much smoke too much. Yeah, didn't do any drugs because I'm not a mug. But yeah, I didn't wear sunscreen. I didn't look after me. So again, Chris, I used to just go to bed every night when we make up on didn't give a shit. Yeah, but now now what am I doing? Eh? I'm sitting. I'm a sunscreen. I'm searum. I'm oiling. Sun screaming. Chris, man, I bought a face.
I'm a steaming me face on a night time. Yeah. So renders. I'm probably going to get damp in me boot in the room. I thought you were going to see any boobs get dark. I'm bloody damp in me boobs. Steaming me face it ran down. I was sitting in ice baths. What the fuck happened to us? Yeah, supposed to be look all I did. Like I looked at all that. Yes, I'll take it on the chin here. I am a massive hypocrite. Come on guys. I got tweets. I got tweets.
I'm not saying X. It's not a thing. I got tweets on Twitter saying you've slagged off ice baths. I count the days until you're in a nice. But you're of course, because I'm a fucking prick. That is what I do. It is what I do. You know, one day I might come on here and slag off Brazilian. You didn't know I won't. I'll never do that. I'll take that back. That's easy to do. I'll never do that. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Yes.
So yeah, there we go. That's that's just me crack. That's what I do. I'd like things off. I go back on it. And am I enjoying it? Yes. It's quite nice putting yourself in a little bit of pain. It made you feel better.
It has. But today I'm fucking knackered. And this is the first time we're talking about. I'm really annoyed because I'm actually still tired of it. I had a terrible sleep last night. We had a bad sleep. I had real for an hour in my bed last night. Well in a bed with me last night. And he walked in the middle of night realized I wasn't you and just went.
Absolutely ballistic about. I know we're being trying to get sleeping back together in a same bed. It's not working. We'll get about an hour we're getting an hour and then like we're back to square one, because we're getting an hour. One of them comes to us and I have to get up and move beds and move all the shit and then I lie wide awake for an hour and a half. It's frustrating because nothing happens in that hour where we have together. We'll just go good night. Yeah. And then we'll hang out.
We'll still sit on the fucking iPads, ignore any chiller. I know. I'm enjoying that though. Not good. But yeah, Reif woke up and he rolled over and he was like, Mommy, and I don't know what's that, and he went, Not you! Not you! My own child, my own flesh and blood, who I'd been with most of the day. Not you! Not you! I want Mommy! Not you! Hitting us in a face as hard as he could. Fuckin' two of them. That is. No, but not you. Not you. I was just like, I rolled at the outside of the bed.
I was like, fuck you then. I let him just sit in the bed and just cry. And he warmed himself down a bit, and then he gave us a cuddle, and he gave us a lovely big cuddle, and we fell asleep cuddling, and it must have been 15 minutes. He woke up and went, Mommy, and I went, No, Daddy remember, he went, No! I'll fuck this. I carried him through your room and just went, yeah, I have him. I mean, I was buzzing. I was, I felt like it was holding him hostage. Are you sometimes, right?
Honestly, good in your head. All your cards on the table. I don't even know what that means. You don't know what all your cards on the table means. Is it a pork, I think? Of course, it's like showing your hand. It's like showing your hand. So all my cards on the table, I've got nothing to hide. Right. Are you sometimes a little bit scared of the kids? Yes. Yeah. When I feel, yeah, 100%. Yeah. When I feel like there's about to be a kick off brewing.
Yeah. Especially on a morning, I'm like, what can I do to make this not a screaming in show? What can I do to quickly navigate through this without having, I don't want to get angry and start shouting. No. I'm not going to get that in the morning. That's a morning. I've run it, but I don't think my mum and dad were ever scared of us. Rosie, something by the might of you, they never showed it. That's the point in it. I don't show it.
They don't know I'm scared of them, but I'm like, please don't kick off. I can't be bothered. Yeah, and well, I'm like that in the middle of the night sometimes. Yeah. Rave loves to pull me here. And I'm like, I'm trying to stand up for myself and I'm like, no, I don't want you to pull me here. Stop it. And sometimes he literally just rags me face over and grabs me here. And I'm like, I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship. Jesus.
I'm scared to the wrong word, but I just can't be asked because it's three o'clock in the morning. Yeah, yeah. And I'm giving and I'm like, well, it's because I think it's, you're not scared of them, but you know the consequences. I know that, for instance, there you know that if you have to start having a massive, huge shouting match with them, it could be four in the morning. And you might think, well, fuck it, I'm getting up there. Oh, I know.
And then you might get so warmed up that you might not get at us. Yeah, yeah. And I know in the morning, when they're kicking off before it's time to leave, I think I don't want to start my day. Well, I never, I don't want everyone rubbing the go to school upset as well. Try these fucking best every day. Try these fucking best. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And you ain't looking. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. Anyone else called? I'm fucking freezing. That's a thing.
Tell you what, they're nice. I've not warmed up yet. You took all the day off. I'm not, I'm a tap out. No. I'm trying it. I do enjoy it. I don't enjoy anything of it. It's horrible. But getting in, I get nervous before I get in. You're in there. It's not nice at all. You get out. You're still freezing. I'm personally. Yeah. Two more shots of me doing it. And then I might be out for the count. Right. Okay. The only thing I'm noticing is that last two nights, I've slept better.
But that could just be a fluke. Yeah, because I didn't sleep. I slept terrible last night. Well, there you go. I've crouched it. Got this. I'm not doing it anymore. Maybe a crouched it. I've ordered a really expensive one now. So we're in for the long haul. Of course you have. Of course you have. Of course you have. Why? What's wrong? That was, that was 80 quid. That's fine. That's enough to spend. It hurts me. It's a little, it's a little buck. I'm barely fitting it.
I'm going up the bloody, I'm going up the blemishop every morning buying bags of ice. The most thing I'm a fucking, the most thing I'm opening a cocktail bar. I just can't, every morning I buy five bags of ice. The most thing I'm fucks is probably five bags of ice. Similarly, I mean, it's not that expensive, but it's, it's a routine. It's a horrible start of your day buying bags of ice. In February.
The noise of them scraping together, put them in the bag, take them home and everyone looking going, what's he doing? The most thing I've got, you're not going to get their reference, but the most thing I've got one of the universal soldiers in the house, I'm trying to keep them cold, so it doesn't owe by heat. John Claude Van Tam, doll's hundred, fantastic 90s film. It's crazy. Never heard of this. No, honestly, but yeah, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll see. We'll see. Watch this space.
All I'm saying is I felt tired this morning, jumping out of thought. This will be great. I'll be energised. Wasn't energised. I feel actually a little bit worse. So that was really annoying. Anyway, thank you for being here. Thank you for putting up with my, God, ganshaw and levels of hypocrisy all the way through the 255 plus episodes that we've done, including the out of office. This is life though, isn't it?
If you've got the same opinion constantly, if you can't change your mind, then what's new point? New splash. It's why I never get on behind any kind of political movement. Probably. Say it. Because I'll change my mind every five minutes. Say it. And it's my right and that's what I like to do. And we're here to just take your mind off anything annoying and politically in Newsy and sad. So listen, it is episode 255. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here.
Thank you for being part of the little show. Of the little shaggy, myude annoyed, extended universe. And before going anywhere else without further ado as they see, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is ordering your meal in advance at a restaurant. Oh, hello. Can I get a table for four please on there Friday afternoon? Yeah, you can. Yeah, we're going to send you the menu. Can you order now? But it's Monday. Well, you got order now.
Well, you've got, what, sorry, sorry. Am I booking me fucking wedding? Is this a wedding venue? Is this, is this a wake? Eh? I've just asked for a table of 600 people. Either, either your stock rotation in your order is off and you need to fire someone or you need a bigger fucking fridge. Stop asking people to order in advance. Do me a titan. Don't I find it odd like so we don't know what you want. Talk to me, Lord. I know. Talk to me. We did it recently.
We went out for a meal with those a fair few people and we had order in advance. And on the day, I felt a little bit, not very nice. I thought I'm going to be healthy on that night, right? So I ordered the swordfish. Brilliant. Oh, got there. Did I want swordfish? Did I shit one swordfish? I wanted a Geek Big Massive ball of pasta. Yeah. But the thing is, right? I thought it was an Italian restaurant. Very much Italian vibes. Mm-hmm. Very much pizza pasta on the, on the old menu, right?
Yeah. Got there. Yeah. I thought over, so my scream. Right. And the had maracas and Mexican hats. And I went, this isn't a restaurant. I was like, what is this restaurant that I'm eating swordfish in? And I've, Robert Advertira, I had no idea what this restaurant, it didn't, it was, What, where are you going? That's a swordfish round. Yeah, what the hell is going on? Maybe in Seabass. It was one of them. That's just a thing. There's no, I will put money on that you weren't ordering swordfish.
No way that makes you order the in advance, serve swordfish. Is that a really, that's not a like it. That's not an exotic fish. It feels like, it feels like, exotic it comes from an armed. Our callmins would have it, callmins save you a time, all would have it. No, it must have been Seabass. It was a fish. It was a fish business. It was actually quite nice. But yeah, mechs, I was like, I don't know what this is. There was nothing, did that feed us on the menu? Did someone get the heat as?
Sorry, when you try opening your fucking eyes next time you go somewhere, eh? What'd you mean? You said a common and kickin', you don't know what fucking fish you ordered. You saw maracas, you don't know if they had feeders. Chris, I'm sorry, restaurant, right? If you're ordering pizza pastes and all that in between, right? Fish and chicken or whatever. And then they've got feeders. I thought it was Italian. But it makes things. What are you fucking border patrol?
Hey, hey, get, get, get, get, get, get the rag. No, I just like it a bit. I like Adolf. You will play Italian meat folk songs on an acoustic guitar. Or you'll fuck off. Did it end up tortillas, were you? Eh? A bit of a flatbread. A bit of a fucking flatbread. A store board, guacamole. No, honestly, I was just really, I was really shocked because I thought that I thought was Italian.
I thought I was sat in the, I thought I was having an Italian dinner, an Italian restaurant, and then the kebab and maracas and these hats and I thought, oh, singing happy birthday. I mean, I was devastated about the sea bass. I didn't want some pasta, but now that he's got maracas, I quite fancy your case, Adi. I've been robbed. No, no, no, none of them put on a Mexican accent. I've told you loads of times about the Italian restaurant.
Oh, yeah, the, all the Italian restaurants by, I was the, I'll put the accent on. Oh, totally sucked in by a Mexican accent. For anyone who's never heard it, I was, when I was younger, when I worked in all sports in South Wales, I went to Italian restaurant on the Friday night and the guy was like, a good evening, sir, a little, little, little, little, little, little, putting all this mad accent. I wasn't Italian, it was just mad.
Same guy the next day came in all sports with his son and went, you got it, you got some buzz in a size 9. I'm sorry, right? I caught up on your accent, man. There was nothing, nothing mediterranean about that man either. Wasn't he, he was very pale with ginger hair. Absolutely.
I don't exactly, my family, a lot of, so my grander, whenever we went to Spain or at store, one time when we were, I can't remember because I was just little, but we went to Spain and we were in a villain, something went wrong and the hat to ring, the, the people owned it of other maintenance or whatever.
And when the got there, apparently the Spanish maintenance person started to speak in Spanish to me grander because he thought that he was like, well, it's because he grander was singing Happy Birthday to someone all the way around in the subway. He must speak, it wasn't really snappy there. So he's Spanish thing and I'm, and that's Christmas. So, yes, so my family, someone who could possibly get away with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He absolutely not.
He had back to, uh, ordinary advance, I can't order an advance. I'm, I'm, I've been known to change, be mine as everyone else's ordering. I get the menu. That's what I want. I hear everyone else and I go, fuck that last minute. I go, no, what that instead always regret it. Isn't that the joy though? That's the joy of, uh, I can't bear it. You know, I can't bear it.
So what you're kitchen out, sorry, if you have to have all of the stuff in advance, you know, a restaurant, you're, you're schooled in us. But then it goes, yeah, oh god, fucking schooled in us. I don't because you'd bomb schooled in us. Oh god, I love schooled in us. But you know, now, well, you don't know, we have to pick this schooled in us before the, before he has them. No, my wheelhouse look. I do certain things that are around here.
Um, I, uh, I got BG, uh, I control the ice and the, the temperature's in the ice. Uh, I press record on this, uh, and I go back on things. Well, you need to be on board with the school things because, uh, forgot that it was non uniform day last week. Oh, let's talk about that. Yeah, let's talk about that. That was a nightmare. Let's get this in. Okay. Jingle and then we'll talk about your feelings as a mother. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. All right. Great. We had a fight about the Jingle. Jingle.
We could set a lawn of Jingle. Jingle. So this is the Jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the Jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. Jingle. Jingle. Hello, and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmar and I. So yeah, let me tell you about how I forgot Robin non uniform day. On possibly one of the most important two Robin of non uniform days of all time. Yeah. Um, school did like a charity thing and it was Lego day. Yeah. Robin is obsessed with Lego. Yeah. And I completely forgot.
I completely forgot. So not only did you forget, I wasn't, for some reason I didn't get sent an email. I don't know why. You're not on the emails from the school. I am. I get a load to them. I get random ones. Like I get random stuff. And then, but then I go, she got that as well. And I go, you are, have you seen this? And you go, yes, I've got it. But the other ones I go, have you seen this and you go, what the hell's that? So I don't know what the hell's going on.
However, I get so I'm ready to go away with the lads. Lads, lads, lads, lads. I went away for the week. Oh, yeah, tell everyone how you went away because there's no evidence online. So obviously, if you're on things that you just live at home and then I put something on like a way again, a way at the weekend. Chris has been away my mates. Les, for leisure time, not work. Leisure time, fun time. Two nights. Two nights away. Yeah, it's all right. Two nights. Two nights.
Yeah, it was, it was awesome. Went away with the lads. So I'm literally Friday morning, I'm getting ready. And I get a phone call, a few seeing, I've just had a phone call from the school, Robin was supposed to be in non-uniform. He had his full fucking uniform on. He's supposed to take in some Lego. He didn't have any Lego. He's supposed to take in two pound. He didn't take the two pound in. And he was also supposed to take in something for like the collection for the homeless cell, I think.
So I had there. And I was going for me train, running around the house like a lunatic, gather everything up and belt with the school and drop it off. Yeah, because I had a nice... One of the most stressful mornings of me, like, the wheel... I really...
But we had a spit was, I was on the phone to Carl Hutchinson just before you rang us and Carl went, oh, I've had a bit of a nightmare, I dropped the bed off and I forgot to take our bags, so I had to go home and get our bag and then take our bag, back back, round our speed of nightmare. And it's like the universe went, oh, I believe Chris Ramsey can beat us. I can't make it. I just felt so, I felt really bad. Really bad.
You don't want a bit, you don't, that is like, I don't want to say a core memory because core memory starting to do me tits in, but that is a core memory being the only kid turning up in your uniform. I remember kids turning up in uniform on non-uniform day and it was... You were like, oh, God, look at that. I know, I was like, oh, how embarrassing. Like the lip, the lip, the class one. Steering him, look what he's wearing.
And then if the parents couldn't bring the clothes, they just had to stay in the uniform all day. Oh, that was a... So kids handled that really well. I wouldn't handle that well, I don't think. I remember a kid, we had a song. I had thought about it for years and I saw him over the Christmas in a pub. And I nearly mentioned it, do him, it's one of me sort of main memories about him. But he literally being like, why the fuck do you remember that part of me? So just one time, I was quite often.
No, no, I sat next to it, so I saw him, this lad, I saw him in a pub over Christmas and he was like, I didn't recognise him at first and he had to remind him, I went, oh my God. But I went through... Did I have his uniform on? Did I... Did I be beautiful? So he basically, he went me, Juniors and me comp and I sat next to him in a few lessons in comp and went, well, I never put an other bit like Lord, I guess I was a gobbshite.
So he, I remember, I've got a really vivid memory of him going, coming in to non-uniform day with his uniform on and I was like, why have you not got your, it's non-uniform, why have you not got it? And you know, you're part of the pretty money. You're coming, you're putting money for the thing. He's exactly as it was, which I'll never forget where. I'm not paying a pound of where my own clothes. What?
I don't know, I just remember thinking, I was really fucking strange opinion for an 11-year-old. Oh, I just remember. It was strange opinion. Yeah, yeah, it was like first year comp, he was like, I'm not paying a pound where my own clothes. I feel like that doth protest too much. I feel like I forgot, I feel like you thought of that, Lebus. And he thought, well, how am I going to get away with this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just stopping it out. Yeah, I feel it, well, I'm just wondering.
Think back for school, you know, like now it's mad, like I always remember, there was a lad who was a couple years above me, and he used to have his fall asleep, it's cool. And now I'm like, I'm like, I think you might have, like, you know, is it not Lebus? You went to fall asleep all the time. Where did he fall asleep? He asked where the God in assemblies, right? He would just be asleep on a teacher's lap. Sorry, how old is he? Well, he would have been, I didn't know, I can't remember.
He was in my case, yeah? He used to always fall asleep. He was asleep on a teacher's lap. Yeah. But now I'm like, did he have no epilepsy, or was he just like, that his parents let him still really late? But why was the teacher allowing him to be asleep? So it must have been something serious. I don't know. I can't remember. I can't remember. Oh, for fuck's sake. Hello. Hi, Kate, it's just me.
Do you remember in a junior school, that lad who was in your year, who used to fall asleep all the time at school? Did he have no epilepsy? No, why don't you just leave him? You still late night? Yes, I still have. But do you or so have got really vivid memories, right? Of him just being asleep on a teacher's lap in assembly? Right. Right. No, no, he's got no medical, it's not as far as I'm away, he doesn't have any medical breathing. Mad, isn't it? Wow. Okay. Okay, love you. Bye. Fuck it now.
I just couldn't be asked. Just thought, okay, listen. I'm fucking... I'm telling you what. I'm back at me. I'm telling you what. Fuck, imagine. Imagine just falling a kid. Not a bad thing. I don't think it was any sort of like... I don't know. I don't think neglect knowing me. No, I just think he's parents must have. It was just the night he's one. He's like, I didn't go to bed all night. But he just blessed me with like, really like, in third year infants.
I remember there was a kid in my infants who used to always come in and say, I don't know how to do that. I've told you that, I've told you years ago, man. We definitely mentioned it on this. Was it in the book? So I took a just to drink me milk. Right. And I mean, now I hate milk. I think I just didn't like your ex- But do the still to do that at school? Just, is it? Do the still just bring around bottles of milk for everyone in the neck? Like, ten in the morning?
Yeah, I was just like, I don't know. I'm just about to go to a girl's house, I'm just about to go to bed. I'm just about to go to bed. I'm just about to go to bed. I'm just about to go to bed. I'm just about to go to bed. I think I just didn't like it. Do the still do the constilding without a school? Just, is it? Do the still just bring around bottles of milk for everyone and neck, like 10 in the morning? I don't know, I don't think Robbins do it.
I don't know the mice, no, no. Yeah, but they do, milk's still a thing. But I know milk's a thing, we've got some in the fridge. But no, in school, like the milk round. Yeah. Like I used to do the milk round, yeah, but anyway, so when I was in infants, I mean, one would think now, you're just the teacher would go, you don't really like it, do you? Let's not make, you drink it. I used to sit with the milk and the whole class used to say, sip, swallow, sip, swallow. What the fuck?
Yes, and I would have to drink, you know this. This is, this isn't a book. Delete this from me, Brian, I'm sorry, I didn't read that. The whole class. Great, didn't we, my friend? The whole class would sit and be like, sip, swallow, and I would finish me milk. Like a cult, yeah, in agony. And my school was mad. Yeah. Your school is a, the two fucking lawless wasteland. Everyone's asleep half the time. You're like that, wah, now, vass, wah, now, vass, sip, swallow, sip. To finish me milk.
Missed, she's going out, she's coming out in a rash again. Doesn't matter, get it down, you say, I thought, closing up, miss sip, swallow, swallow harder. Fucking hell. The good old days. So this lad just fell asleep and wow. Just always a Kip. Just remember him being a Kip. You would be jealous as well, wouldn't you? To be like, look at him out on the time. Literally, he was like, how's he getting away with it? Everyone else is here about the harvest festival.
He's just not in Zed, so I would want to teach his name. Geek coffee, Geek coffee. What a guy. Getting a little snuggle in there. Gellers. Oh, that's how you school. That's how you do it. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. Around 50% on the battery. We're all good. Didn't tell you's about to put those hell on before we started. Oh, we're still recording, I'm recording. Oh yeah. It's absolutely hell on. Laptop just went, oh no, I've got no battery now.
Whole thing went down and then we had to start it on 20%. It was like bloody course non-fumes. Remember you said, course non-fumes to get home. So, course non-fumes. I don't know if I ever done that. I could prop a fear of mine. You know what, I'm quite a decious. Is that you and your man made up, I've talked about this before. You and your man made up the word decious and she described Robin as decious for four years until I went, that's not a word, by the way. I'm faster losing.
Decious is the word. What I'm telling you. It's just better than you bring. Well, it's not a word. I'm sure I've recalled one of the podcast episodes, Decious, I'm sure we did. It's not a word. Stop using it. Yeah, but listen. You haven't used it for a while. You're slipping back in your old ways. Stop using words that your man's made up. So, I'm like, I'm sorry, I have to admit again. No, because decious would be running by your man's definition of a decious would be running on fumes. Would it?
Yes. Because she used to say, because Robin was like, you know, he's a loose cannon. He got no fear. So it's decious. Like, that's not it. No. That's a cartoon. So if you were decious, you'd be running on fumes. Right, okay. Well, no, what I was going to say is, in other part of my life, I am. I'm quite kind of getting me teeth, decious. But with petrolams terrified, I get the light on. I'm like, must go to the petrol station. It's one of me massive fears is running out of petrol.
I think because me calm, me first car, God rest us all, broke down, right? It's on the roundabout. Oh, Chris, that's... Oh, Chris, I've never been more scared of my entire life. It was on a cow gate roundabout where the Morrison's is. Oh, exactly, that's... Absolutely massive roundabout. On the way at the airport, near town, I'd broke down on that roundabout. 19 years old, like, what? No, I wasn't 19. How old was I? I was a lot older, but at the time it was... How old was I?
25. But it felt very young. Yeah, it felt very young. Yeah, hadn't been driving that long. And yeah, it was shithmy pants. Hadn't put... hadn't topped up my oil. Oh, so it was a... It's torn. My fault, me engine like blue. Oh, God, yeah. So it was self-induced one. I was like, who knows? Loser. You're sorry, right? Fucking loser. People out there, if you've just got your first car, you've got no idea what to do. I'm sure you're doing your theory test or your test.
I'm sure they're supposed to teach you how to do that. No. Did you get the question? The stick, I think, the stick. Yeah. So the stick in, get a bit... Get a cloth. I'm done that for years. And then stick about your... Should I be doing that? I'm really... We should probably do that. I know what cars. We should probably check your car. That's a definitely that's a your job. I told you earlier on, I do the ice, I do the BGJ, and I go back on things, they're me things that I...
No, can you add the stick? I don't know. Please. Sounds with sexual. I don't think that should be. You'll have it. I don't feel comfortable doing it. What was I going to say before that? Something not funny and unnecessary. Wow. I don't know what you're going to say. No, I'm not going to say it. What? I was going to say... No, I don't want to say it. I was going to say, I was going to say, touch wood, I've never broken down. But I've said it now. Never ever.
Not touch wood. Oh, God. That's the only time I've broken down personally. But when I used to tour the vans in the van, God, so many times. So many. You've got to get out of the van and you've got to get out and stand on the road miles away. Oh, yeah, you know, that was sitting in case someone hits it. Yeah, because it's sort of the verge of the motorway. Have you ever sat in a car while it's on the motorway? Yes, I've. And the car's gone past. Fucking shakes. Every time people go past.
Like the period one, when I first started stand up, I was knackered and I wanted to nap in between gigs and I didn't put it in the hotel and I pulled it to the side of this a road and I lay it down in the back of my car and every time a car came past, the car just shook and I was like, three or four cars went past and I went, I'm not having this. Yeah, ended up sleeping in the car park of a pizza hut. Oh, just a little less than a pizza hut and pizza hut and cinema. Sure case, cinema.
I think there's pizza hut cinema, possibly in Andals, stepping the car back of a Ford focus in that car. All night. Why? No, just for the afternoon. Just a little nap in the afternoon. Okay. I just remember rolling out of that nap. You know, when you'd like disorientated after a nap anyway, I remember rolling out and was like kids coming out of like an afternoon showing them fucking minions or something up and what was going on. It's not an isolated in the car.
You think it would be, but it's just not. Yeah, it's not nice. I've gone off and happened. You just wake up and you just unless unless if you go up, if you have a nap in an afternoon and you have to set an alarm to wake yourself up so you're not waking up naturally from that nap, worse thing ever. Yeah, worse thing ever. Hell on. Absolutely hell on. You don't know what date is, don't know who you are. Don't have time for a nap. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, great.
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Every time you make a purchase, Bombas donate an item to someone who needed. Go to Bombas.com slash a cast and use code a cast for 20% off your first purchase. That's Bombas.com slash a cast code a cast. It's time for what you b-be-be-be-be. B-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be. Come on then, listen. Ladies first. That sounded like that. That sounded quite sungy. Come on then, listen. You were into in the first day. Accidentally. I know. I know. I know. I know.
It's my beef slash ache with you. Oh, fucks me. There were aches on there. Right. These tops you bought. You bought some tops. Top. And then tops that you keep wearing with the buttons and they look like the jama tops. Oh. I don't know. I don't know. Did I tell you the way they look? Long, long sleeve. So, of baseball jerseys-ish. Where they come? Long, long sleeve with buttons on, don't know. Can't keep track of it. I think one of them is from the shop of the road. I don't know. Right.
Are they meant to be daytime tops? One of them isn't. One of them is a pajama top that I got with a set of pajama as the grey one. And the grey one with a little pattern, like with a little sort of material grooves in the material on it. That isn't a pajama top, but it looks exactly like a pajama top. Yeah. Stop, please stop wearing them during the day. People think I've gone out in pajama tops. It's not, yeah. They've got like them tiny little buttons on. Like, it's just, it's very pajama-y.
Yeah. Is it also because when I'm wearing it, I also wear me nightcap and I'm carrying a candle on a little plate. That could be what it is. That could be what it is. That might be something else. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Would you ever wear a nightly? No. What's it mean? Balls and arse, I'm just hanging out. I'm just asking. Why would a man wear a nightly? Well, why wouldn't. Why I cut it back in the day? That's all these two ways, nighties. Or like, one that goes right to your feet. Mm-hmm. You know.
I don't know. You've got this thing in now. I don't know why I turned into just a female thing. Like an Ebenezer screwdriver. I like, yeah, like, like, like a cloth. So when you wear a nightly, do you also wear necktas? Or do you not wear anything else? I don't wear nighties. Last time I wore nightly was when I was pregnant. Why are you trying to get me to wear nighties if you don't wear nighties? I'm just asking if I didn't say wear a nightly. Did I say wear a nightly? I didn't say.
Well, why are you asking this if I want to wear it? It's really nice to be like, what do you wear the first two? Would you ever wear a nightly? No, we've talked about this. We've had Ix of people who've sent in Ix or beefs because their partner, male partner, just wears a t-shirt with these balls and ass hangin' on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. It makes us think of, I tell you what it makes us think of. When I was younger, me made, I must have been seven or eight. Me made, got circumcised.
Right. And I went, it was house to play. And because he couldn't wear any box of shorts underpants because his knob would touch them and he would hurt. So he would, me, me and my playin' in his house, he was just running around with a big t-shirt on and every now and then I saw his balls and ass. How old was he? Eight or nine. Bless him, he got circumcised late around in life. Oh, God, why? I went around one day. So I went around one day. Is this one of the skin in the bins?
Yeah, he's on the safe, oh, the first one on that estate, got it. Right. Yeah, it's swimming in the wall. It's swimming gun on that, no, I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Swimming gun on that estate. So, he got on the lock up, please. So, he got, same places here. We'll live right next to it. So, he got, he got circumcised and then the day after he was in his dad's box of shorts, he was playing in the house and I was with him, he was a dags.
And every time the box of shorts touched the end of his knob, he hit the roof screaming and it was actually quite hard, wouldn't it be around? So then the next day, just, well, just knob out, playing with these. But I think he had the power range just always had all the things. Just knob out. Why did you go around? Can't feel like it's Robin had to get circumcised at this age. Yeah. I'd be like, I don't think you can have your friend round because you're, you. Not one round.
Yeah. Okay. Green Ranger. Pink Ranger. Tell you now, though, there's nothing more. Our kid. Purple Ranger. On our auntie's knob. Oh, well, there's nothing worse than when our kids, and our kids love to be naked. They've just got their arse and their titlers all over this all fast. Sit on the white bed. Sit on the white bed. Keg's off. I'll sit on the bed. You will not sit on it. You will get the fuck up now off that bed. Ming in and in it. Oh, awful. Anyway, you ready for beef?
Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. I don't feel like I've done anything recently. I had done a couple of things. Um, main one was at last night. I think it might be in last night. Oh, great. It might be with you. Fresh off the press. Hot off the press. Um, you opened a packet of crisps last night. Yeah. In front of us. Yeah. I don't want to eat the full packet. And you handed me the packet and went, finish these crisps. Mm-hmm. I don't want to eat the full packet. Mm-hmm. And I didn't want to finish them.
And you got angry that I wouldn't finish them. So you folded them up and put them in the corner. And about 20 minutes later, you came down and you finished them. Mm-hmm. It goes back to a while ago. I'm not enjoying the new Chris. Right. I'm not enjoying the new sort of looking down at me. Monk living. I'm not really knowing this. You did say this night. You said I miss me. Little piggy friend. Yeah. I have a pizza at the night. I pick and choose. I pick and choose what I want to.
I'm not having a, if I don't want to pack the crisps, you can't force me to pack the crisps. And you understand the tightrope I walk on. Because if I had to eat them crisps, 20 minutes later, you would have come down or when? I can't believe you ate them crisps. I'm alright. You said you can't win. I can't win. I know. I just, honestly. Come on. Come back to us. Come back to us. No. I missed Twix eating crisps. I don't want, I'm sick of them. No. I had a finger of a Twix the other day.
Did you win? I won't. I'm not training. I was a Twix. I had one finger at the end. But one of them opened Twix, gave me a finger of it and the other one gave me a Twix and I went taking away. I don't want it. Honestly. New man. A new man. No, not last. No, maybe not. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. It's time for a question from the public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.
Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Hello. Hello. Before we go on a further, please keep me anonymous as I'm currently still in the thick of the dating game and don't want to give any wayward penis out there any ideas. Oh, G-goggi. What an incredible way to ask yourself to remain anonymous, in the course. I know. You got the date and game. Wayward penis. I just enjoyed wayward penis. Do you? I think there is some downfalls to being married, no disrespect. Oh, great. Let's get into this now.
So it's always nice to be blindsided with someone like this? Oh no, because sometimes it's just a bit in-tangling. I think marriage is a bit intense. Like it's, you know, it's fine. What do you mean? Like, I don't know. It's marriage is a lot. You've got to work on your marriage. You've got to be like, you've got to compromise with someone. You've got to live with someone. You've got to, there's this stuff and you've got a parent together. It's hard, it's hard, right?
But do I want to be thick in the dating game? I don't think I do. Never again. So that's like, you know, one plus of marriage or one plus of marriage. Or one greater. The only plus. Fantastic. Yeah, we're just... OK, so this happened a couple of months after Ireland got the all clear after a setting lockdown. Oh, fuck off.
And as I had made the seemingly financially considered choice to move back to my family home at the beginning of lockdown in 2020, for what I thought would be two weeks, it's not a stretch to say I was gagging for a bit of single girl galavanting. There we go. Oh, gosh, imagine that. Single, look down. But a galec galavanting for you, Milass. I can't do the Irish accent. I kind of knew you had a lot of things. I tried it. I went very, very cartoonish with that one. You did. But it was good.
Long story short, I met this lovely guy on a dating app. Went on two dates and everything was going according to plan. I had third date rolls around and I was planning on pulling out all the stops for the big night. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to go to his and as I was slightly nervous for my first cuddle club meeting, sorry, Chris, in 80 months, I went for a girly brunch beforehand to loosen myself up a little. Sorry, Chris, how genuine you thought you was going to Jiu-Jitsu there?
She just means she's going to have sex. She's going to sex, yeah. Right, okay. She has no sex in 18 months. Right, okay, okay. She really stuck to the rules. Wow. 7pm rolls around and I'm more than slightly tipsy in a taxi on my way to his place. Always a good idea. Yeah. As I was walking in, it was built. And I couldn't help but notice how fancy is a part of his apartment block was. I'm talking dormant, gold lifts. Finger padlocking on all the doors kind of fancy. What the heck?
Yeah, like proper. I mean, this Dublin is beautiful and there's some really, it's gorgeous. I know. When I was on tour with our Murray, I stayed in a hotel in Dublin and it was, yeah, it blew me socks off. I need it, well, it was phenomenal. There's some gorgeous places in Dublin. A lot of people messaged us and asked why we didn't take the tour on night to Ireland. We wouldn't have made any money. That's simple as that. It's like a tentative, every now and then over.
Yeah. It was too big a shoulder to fly over and then we wouldn't have really made any money. So one normally what we'll do is you say something like we could make the date work really so. We'll try next time. Rosie's went straight in there. Honesty, I've got to respect the honesty. Yeah, we would have made any money. And tonight's away from the kids. And that's that. Well, just why you don't go to work if you're not going to make money. You know, you're paying funny. Sorry guys.
To be fair though, if I knew that had places like this with dormant and fingerprints, I might have made a couple of things to say. I would love to go. I would love to go. It's beautiful. Yeah. Some parts of it. Yeah, because a lot of the Irish built New York, and so it's. Yes. Oh, we need to go. I've been here. I've been clocked it. I want to go. Clocked it. So much so that when my dad opened his door, the first thing out of my mouth was Christ. How'd you afford this place all on your own?
Oh. As he took grade pride and tell me on our first date that he didn't have any room mate, which a 27 and Dublin is a big flex. Wow. We settled in for the evening, had some more wines and one thing led to another as we were on his couch. He pulled away and said the sentence, which will forever be seared into my brain. Oh God. What did he say? I've got a surprise for you. Oh, I forgot to say. Intrigued. I watched him scurry off to his bedroom. Scurry. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ta. Yes. What's funny about scurry? Is there a vote to have sex? But he's now scurry and so he's gone from. So it's obviously going to be something bad because he's gone from being this guy. Oh, he was really a lovely guy in a day and a half. Oh, third day, I'm pulling out all the stops. Oh, I'm a bit nervous. So I'm getting a bit tipsy. Oh, beautiful apartment, big flex. So he scurried off to his bedroom, the fucking rotten bastard that he is. I can't wait to hear what this is.
Okay, so scurry is unbelievable. Just imagine that a 50 year degree. Imagine or a book. You know what I mean? He got up from the couch. I got tell he was erect in his pants and he scurried off to his bedroom and gone. But he's dirty, no, man. Sorry. You think of a rat? Yeah, scurried. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous. Okay, it's incredible. I've got a surprise for you. Intrigued, I watched him scurry after his bedroom. Only to return with.
Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Oh, God. For God about that. Do you want to guess what he's returned with? Oh, I mean, it's so open-ended. He's scurried though. So it's obviously so much shit. It's a letdown. She was dead excited. He's got a surprise. Don't, it's so open-ended. I'm going to say some kind of costume. All right, okay. It's not, it can't be a food stuff to put on, because he hasn't gone to the kitchen. He's gone to his bedroom. Sex toy or a costume? Right. Okay. You're wrong.
Brilliant. Only to return with. His long-term, living girlfriend. Sorry. Yeah, I shit you not. I was expecting some fluffy handcuffs or a dildo at worst, but never in my wildest dreams did I think. I'd be confronted with another living, breathing woman. What the hell? Turns out he was in an open relationship, which he had never told me, no shade, just not something you expect to encounter. No, no shade. I'm sure you have to tell them. I'm sure that's the point. I think that is the point.
The word open implies that it's open, but you have to be open about it being open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To open across the board. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scurrying little fuck out here. Well, this would make me feel quite soft. His girlfriend had seen a photo of me and wanted to get in on the action of so I was told. Ah, you are so thick. Listen, all right. This has just got, oh, she thinks I'm pretty. Oh, go on, then. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So you...
Listen, I was annoyed when he scurried off the bedroom, but she thinks that I'm fit, so that's fine. What's up? Hey, that's okay. What? You've twisted me on. That's all scurrying at that bedroom, shall we? LAUGHTER Fucking hell, man. Um, suffice to say, I saw bad up in an instant, and my slaggy little legs have never run out of an apartment so quickly I was slowed down by the thing I like door. LAUGHTER I think I've been so long. So hold on, so they didn't... No. They didn't do anything.
But she was flattered. Yep, there are some things you do for the plot, but Janine was not going to be one of them. Two years on, I still laugh at the conversations they must have had when I bolted out there but wanted to share it to give you a laugh. Question for you guys. Would you have done the same or would you have cracked on simply for the story? I don't do anything for the story. No. Don't do anything for the story.
I'm a big believer in not just cracking on with something that makes you uncomfortable just because you might get a story over and afterwards. Oh, God no. If I end, I mean, don't get as wrong. Most of my fucking career has been built on telling stories of things that were absolutely disaster or nightmare. But I've never gone, I'll just do this for the story. No. I don't think you can do that. That's not part of my thing. That's not part of my thing. But I have to say, when I was younger, yeah?
Um, I did some things that I think, I don't know. I just thought, way. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. So when this last came, so this last comes in and goes, hey, I can't believe you're living around your own. He wasn't on your big flex, etc. So this other one's just sitting in the fucking bedroom. Wait. It's just sitting there. What's he doing? Should I listen through the door? Oh, no, it's gone. Is it my bit yet? Is it my bit? I don't have personally. No. What should we get?
Sorry, sorry, but he gets some guts in the toilet and just like, I ought to my bit. Oh no, I'm just going to the toilet. I haven't said anything yet. Okay, well, don't do too long. Like, this is hypocritical me again, because I'm like, I might have never ever had a threesome because it's absolutely not my cup of tea. Too much admin. Couldn't imagine it. But I think to be, I mean, we might be completely wrong, because I think nowadays people are a lot more kind of easy going.
To be in an open relationship, I think you don't have to like that person that much. Yeah. Any of my past relationships, right? Yeah. And I've actually broken, you know, we've broken up. Yeah. I would never have wanted to share that person. I know what you mean. Does that make sense? I've never been, I think, I think if you can share your partner with someone else, you didn't actually like them that much. Yeah. Is that weird? I might not be there. Isn't that? The mentality behind it.
The mentality might be you too. That old school. Not the mentality, maybe like you too, going on the pull. You know how we will watch a TV show together? You know, how we're like, there's that thing that's the new band of brothers thing. And we're like, right, we're going to watch that. When we're going to have a time, we're going to watch that. That's mean, mine and your thing, we're going to have that. Okay. It might be like that. It might be like, oh, us too.
I see now, she's got right, us too, we're going to have her, or us too, we're going to have him. Does that make sense? I don't know. That's just not my, I'm not, I'm not into that. I find it strange and I find it weird that he didn't see. You've got to say something from day to night. You can't just, you can't just blindside someone like that and hope they're up for it. I mean, that's going to end in failure more times than anything else.
Yeah. So I got a bit serious there, but I just, I'm just, it's just really weird. Yeah. It's just really weird. I've got a surprise for you. Oh, it's another human bit weird. I'd rather have a giant Millie Scootie. Thank you very much. Well, there we go. There we go. That's kind of, so if someone says to me, I've got a surprise for you, I'm thinking, is that a giant Millie Scootie? Is that what you're always thinking? Most of the time. Okay. And if it's not, I'm thinking, well, let down in it.
Yeah. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. Hello, Chris. Hello, Rosie. Ooh. To pick up on Chris's Embarison porn story in episode 252. Do you remember when you were at, was it you? At the non-revenue? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were getting a put on it, weren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 20 odd years ago, I used to work on a shop just off Oxford Street, and we were forever being visited by dodgy geese as selling cheap cigarettes, knocked off perfume and aftershave, et cetera.
Okay. Those were the days. Yeah. On the DVD, managed to come around the pub. Exactly. Yeah, it is. The exception was a very respectable bloke of small stature. I don't think English was his first language. He used to call us Mr. Bob, Mr. Keith, Mr. Nick, et cetera. Okay. And sold pirate to DVDs of popular movies. There it is. There you go. One of my colleagues, let's call him Mike, asked if he had any... Mr. Mike. Mr. Mike. Asked if he had any other DVDs. Oh, God. Which he had. Of course he did.
Of course he did. That'll be, that'll be wearing the X-Mostivis, yeah, it is. That'll be wearing the X-Mostivis. Yeah. Thereafter, every couple of weeks he would come in. A fibre would be passed over, and Mike's book, Begoning, is that right? Is that, what does that mean? Begoning. Don't know. There you are, G-E-O-N-I-N-G. Bergen, Bergen or any? What is that mean? What is it? What is this word? I wasn't really listening when you spoke it. It was just a little bit of fusion on your face.
Okay, it means beginning to grow or increase rapidly. Okay. Should I know what that is? Bergening. Don't know. Oh, God, someone's going to email me, like, I'm out on every day of word. How you're not using that. Not if you don't fucking use it as well. Do you know that word? Not really. And I probably know it right and written down. There we go. I'd probably know it written down. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not something I've read. It's not something I don't know.
It's not something I've read. You've forgotten bullshit. No, I mean, I've seen it before. It's not something I read regularly. It's not something I've ever seen. All right, then. Well, Mr. Mike's poem collection would grow incrementally a bit larger. I know that one. Incrementally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, what shop did you work in? Yeah. The Sora shop. I met one day just before Christmas. He came into make his usual delivery. And the shop was absolutely round with people.
Oh, God. Mr. Mike just said, just shed. Mr. Mike just shed, frantically, that this was not a good time to make the deal. Not today. Go away. But Mr. Mike, Mr. Mike came that plaintive with. The plaintive came the plaintive loud cry from the back of the crowd. I've got those specials up the bone ones you like. You know how to fix that dead quick? Oh, my suppositories. Thank you very much, doctor. Well done. The silence at the fellow of the shop was deafening.
Wow. Names have been changed to protect the guilty. Wow. There you go. Wow. I've got the bone ones you like. The bone ones you like. Mm-hmm. That's disgusting. Like, for your porn dealer to be down-old and specific ones that you know what you're going to like is really not the kind of level of relationship I would ever like to have with a person. One for them, Gorn. Where's the one? Click, click, click. Oh, yeah. There's a bone one I'd love that.
And for Mike, Mr. Mike, to be sitting there tossing off Gorn, hey, don't wear this one. I said, create one. This is. Not. All of that. Yeah, but do, but do, but do, but do, but do, but do. 20 year old voucher story. I had loads of vouchers. Like so many people pay with vouchers. Oh, I'll get it. Get in. So many. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Just listen to the podcast where you brought up the voucher again. So I thought I'd give you a bit of gossip.
I may have slowly used the word gossip because I know Rosie searches for these keywords. Well done. Let me pay you this picture for you. I was 18 and fresh on the date and seen after breaking up with my childhood sweetheart. I was innocent and I even untainted by the reality of date and men, yeah. Not for long. Great. A guy I met on a train asked me out on a date and feeling flattered, I took him up on his offer. That's nice. Good old, good old fashioned way of meeting.
Yeah. So yeah, that is the wrecking that that's a really good way of doing it, rather than just being pissed up in a nightclub, meet on a train, bookshops, the one they always use in films and stuff and it's bullshit. Okay, then. The role shouldn't no one goes to bookshops anymore. All right. Well, maybe to bump into someone Amazon. I don't know. What? I said, this is our books didn't I? Great. It's exciting, a slightly older guy with a full time job. I've landed on my feet here, I thought.
Oh, got in. We met in a shop and send her and I assumed he would have a plan for my first date as a singleton. He did not. Wow. It's not what you're saying. Well, I mean, don't check, so they just met and that was that. So they just met. Well, in a shop and send her. You went hello and then she went what we're doing and he went, I don't know. Yeah. You were planning something, coming. Sure. Yeah. Even if it was something as simple as, oh, I need you to go get some shoes you want to come with us.
It's something that do I suppose. As we wondered aimlessly through the scent and making awkward small chats. Oh, sorry, I just realized, can you imagine going and buying some shoes and being with someone? It's ranger. And the staff start talking to you and that asking you, you know, if you need a different size or whatever and they're like, oh, you know each other. They're randomly asking you after the first date. Oh, just literally just come up with my first date. I've come up by these shoes.
I don't know why I said buy shoes. That'll be the weirdest thing in the world. If anyone's ever took you on the first date to buy shoes emailing, because that will be hell on earth. I've forgotten dates. But that have been on dates and they're horrible. You've never been on dates. I've been on loads of dates. No one's ever took you on the first date. I've been on old school dates. What do you mean? Like Italian, Mexican restaurants and that. Oh, right. Yeah, my rack is in there.
Birthday, my rack is in the Italian restaurant. Cinema. Cinema was the one, wasn't it? Yeah, cinema was the one. But again, don't know why anymore. I've done it loads of times. But do you want to go and sit in the dark for two hours? Not speak. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, great. Do you have a good time? Don't know. Like, did we get on? Don't know. You speak. Yeah, we got on. Yeah, held hands, that was nice. So we had no plan. You had no plan a way to go.
They're just met in the shop and sent out and he stood there. Yeah. They're walking around making small talk. We passed a stall for a well-known radio station who were running a competition. Oh, God. Hey, unenthusiastically suggested we join in. Oh, Christ. Don't have a cover call. Yeah. The aim of the game was to guess the song to win the vouchers for shops around the shop and sent out. Oh, man. I'll be fucked if I managed to get a word in Edgeways because this man suddenly came alive.
Firing out answers round after round until Jackpot, he won big. Wow. 50 pound of Nando's vouchers. Oh, that's a lot of Nando's. Sure enough, he suggested we go to Nando's and I thought to myself, free food, why not? I'll tell you why not. As most people know at Nando's, you pay for your food before you eat it. Yeah, I know exactly what you're about. We're telling me here. When we were seated, I told him my order and he said, I'm not coming up to order your own.
I replied, well, I thought seniors, you have the vouchers, we could just order together. This man looked me dead in the face and said, well, I was actually planning on saving the rest of the vouchers for another time. So have you good pay for your own food? It's just got them for food. What is Dosa? He was with him when you went to the... What do you buy his wallet? Well, I didn't hear you answer any full questions, right? I think you find out God all those answers.
You got one wrong, boys, one that wasn't boys, one that was West's life. Oh, fuck. Um, hang on. I stared at him. He stared at me. I stared at him. He stared at me. I was waiting for him to laugh, but that moment never came. Instead, I replied, oh, I'm okay then. Feeling really uncomfortable was I being cheeky to just assume that the free money he won in the competition, we ended up together, might pay for my half of the meal. Okay, he said, and trotted off completely oblivious.
I then proceeded to sit there for 40 minutes with no food, watching this man chow down a butterfly chicken with three sides. He ate with her, not yes. Wow. Save to say, when he came back to spend the remaining 30 pound of the vouchers, I was not there. Wow. Please keep being anonymous just cause. Love that. Amen. God. So really good. Great. Wow, that is grim. That is really this horrible, there's some horrible people out there, isn't it? I just looked, you know what?
I don't even think it's horrible. I think it's just... No, I think that's a bit selfish, you know what I think. I mean, I couldn't sit there and eat. I would just go, look, if you're like, why is it a goal? I would go, look, if it's a goal, if you're not getting anything, if my idea here is, I want you to pay for yours, and you're not having any of my vouchers, I'm not gonna sit and eat while you're just sitting. No. So let's just go. Like, you could go with something cheap.
Let's go to McDonald's or something or Greg's or something or let's just call it a day. I'm not, you know, in my head, he's got his napkin down his t-shirt and he's got a night and four in each hand and he's going to town on all of this stuff. He's getting a freeze refillable drink. What are, why do these people go on dates in the first place? They clearly don't want to share their life with someone. Why did they go?
If you, you know what, you're not that person and you're not willing to share vouchers that you just won on a competition. That could be like the beginning of something. You go, oh my gosh, let's go and celebrate. And let's share this. Why go on meet someone in the first place because you clearly don't want to be with somebody? Yeah, it's not money, is it? It's vouchers that he just got for free.
Run. Yeah, when it's vouchers, he just got, like I can get it with money and I do, you know what, it's a big debate of like, you know, should you just pay for everything on a date? You know, is that, or should it be split down the middle? And that's, I think that's just to everyone's preference and that's fine. But yeah, like a voucher you just got for note. And he got the meal and she just sat there. Oh, that's amazing. That's amazing. Wanna chip? Now go on then. That'll be 10 penns.
I'm actually really hungry. Don't you dare dip that in my peronise? Oh, that's 50 penns. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. Hi guys, a new Iq unlocked, which I never knew existed. Oh, man. My girlfriend and I recently joined our local gym. And each time we go swimming, I immediately get the Iq when we swim past each other doing breaststroke and I was swimming, Liam.
It is the most awkward passing as we look each other dead in the eye and we just give each other a weird smile when we do each leg. It feels rude, it just looked weird the way. Oh, look at my cut. It makes my stomach turn and I have had to start going without it. As I always swim directly behind her so I don't have to look at her. E is the man about the woman, fantastic. Or the woman about the woman, it might be too, I don't know. It's woman about a woman. Brilliant. Brilliant.
Well, you won't speak to me on a treadmill, will you? When I'm on a treadmill and you still don't tell me? Oh, no. You won't have it. What? You could talk to me every day of your life, forever and you could just constantly talk to me. No, it's not that. No, no. Me. No, no. The problem with you is, right, when you want to talk to me, I have to talk to you. When I want to talk to you, I'm not allowed to talk to you. It's all on your terms, the talking.
You, I was sitting watching the telly and bedlass and that, you came in and started banging on about something. But for me, if I wanted to go, sorry, I want to watch this and just chill, I can't be bothered to talk to you. I'm like, ah, ah, great. It will be a whole big thing. But when you tell me you don't want to talk to me. You did it exactly that. Did I kick off? No. I didn't. I took it. Well, I listened to some bullshit about something first for a bit. I had to get me words out.
No, yeah, great. You know, I've got a word count. There it is. Women have got a word count. Well, we have to get out by the end of the day. It's given the minute we're fucking pillow, then, eh? Got a fuck you. These X are starting to stress me out. You know, the more X I keep here and I was, because I was the weight at the weekend with the lads, that's, that's, that's, I've got something. I don't know what it is.
But if I have like a long session on drinking alcohol, I think after I get all the point of tipsiness and after every drink, I think I wipe me mouth. And the next day me lips are killing us. So I went and bought a lip, like a lip balm. And I bought it. And I bought it in boots of King's Cross Station. And I walked out of King's Cross Station. And I went, I went and I put it on.
And there was a group of ladies walking the wards and there's sort of glances if to go, the possibly, possibly recognized us. And then he had, I was like, if they recognize us, the might listen to the podcast. And if there isn't the podcast, they know that the egg is a guy put in. So they will not be able to get around it. Just tell you, right, is a female, right? It's not the fact that you put a lip balm on. You should put lip balm on. It's the way you would do it.
Well, this is because I have made you start wearing mostrires and cream. Because I'm like, you've got to get in. You should be mostrires, isn't it? You should be putting, you should be putting lip balm on your lips. It's the way you put it on. Because you've clearly never put anything on your lips before. And honestly, oh god, it's disgusting. And then, and then you just put it all over your lips. Like, smear it on your skin above. I don't do that. I do not do that.
That's my worst nightmare doing that. I don't do that. Vile, guys, guys, just put it on your lips in private. So no one can see. All right, then you'd be fine. Honestly, I was dead. Honestly, it was like being back in school. I was dead self-conscious. And I was like, if I do this in front of them and they do know the list of the podcast, that's going to be their year made.
If he's doing the thing from the, I was like, what he does is just walk around fucking the busiest part of London, doing stuff from his podcast, like a catchphrase machine. It's better than what I've seen the other day. Where was that? I was with Reif. I was in a cafe or something. And some bloke was leaving. And he was in it. I think he worked for a Royal Mail. It's absolutely, he's not doing anything bad. He just full on picking these nauseous. He was leaving.
And you know, when you're like, Jesus. In your own house. Just like, couldn't have been more of, and I just thought, that's picking those who cares. But they have to do it as you're leaving. And I'm eating. He does not know the trick either. So I'm sitting one finger straight up the nose, picking other hand over nose and finger. Covers it over like that. No one knows what you're doing. Of course you do. Now look, some hands over there covering the nose. So you can see your finger going in here.
Oh, God, I'm doing this. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you never do that at school? Did you never put the hand over and think, no one will know what I'm doing here? No. Oh, I did. Stupid. I was sort of aware of school. I'm not as aware now. Even that day, you shut yourself. How are we related? How are we related? I was young that I was young that I was very young. No, I don't think I would have ever picked me nose in that at school.
I once went meet some lads I knew in Manchester that were coming to one of my gigs. And I knew them through a friend of a friend and they turned up in the car and they were hysterical. Like for them in this car, they rolled out the car hysterical like the couldn't breathe. And they tried to explain it back. It was not. I didn't really find that as funny as they did. But later, I put myself in there position. And I thought, yeah, that would have killed me.
So they said there was sitting in the car, a traffic and they looked and they were like, oh, they're such and such from our school. And the person was walking along. And this is years after school, it's just someone from the school. And the person was walking along just how can they know it's just like knuckle deep in their nose. And they said, they were sitting in traffic and they were all just in silence, staring at this lad picking his nose. And one of them just went eat it.
And the lad immediately ate it. So the lad and they were like inconsolable. Like tears rolling down their face. They were dying when the camera meters. And like I say, there was so. But I thought, yeah, yeah, that's got to be. But sometimes you're in your own little world and you don't realize it. I know. It's not the middle of the street. Oh, Jesus Christ. It is what it is. It is what it is. This is. Babadou, Babadou, Babadou, Babadou, Babadou, Babadou. Thank you so much for listening.
This week's episode of Shag Mourdinoid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you very much. And as always, if you want to send anything in at Shag Mourdinoid at gmail.com we've buttoned it yes next week. See you later, El Gideur. Thanks, bye. Bye. Bye. Hi, I'm Danny Pellegrino from the Everything Iconic podcast. And who doesn't love a classic burger from McDonald's? That's right. McDonald's classic burgers are hotter, juicier, and tastier than ever.
The patties are cooked to juicy perfection. I love the cheese perfectly melted on top. I love the big Mac that has special sauce in every bite. I love the pillowy soft golden bun. So in the words of the hamburger, which I believe means grab McDonald's best burgers ever before hamburger does at a McDonald's near you. The levothary vent is on at Whole Foods Market with deals on delicious desires through February 14th, the floral departments in full bloom.
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