EP481 - Kink Curious: Play Without Shame - podcast episode cover

EP481 - Kink Curious: Play Without Shame

Mar 10, 202628 min
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Episode description

Welcome to Episode 481 of the Sexology Podcast! I'm thrilled to have Gigi Engle join me today as she talks about kink, how it's frequently misinterpreted, and how people can explore their desires with open communication, curiosity, and safety.

 

Gigi and I discuss what kink actually entails and why it is much more expansive than the preconceived notions that many people have about it. She describes how the term "kink" serves as a catch-all for a variety of relational and sensory experiences, ranging from more symbolic forms of erotic expression to power dynamics and sensation play. 

 

Gigi Engle is a COSRT-registered, MNCIP, ACS, CSE, CSC, GSRD-accredited, award-winning author, certified sex & relationships psychotherapist, and sex educator. She works clinically as an associate clinician at The Therapy Yard, where she specializes in supporting GSRD (Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diverse) clients, including members of the LGBTQIA+ community, kinky folx, and people in polyamorous and open relationships. 

 

Gigi is the author of two books: Kink Curious and All The F*cking Mistakes. Kink Curious is available for pre-order and comes out January 21st.

 

In this episode, you will hear:

 

·      The True Meaning of Kink

·      Distinctions Between Fetish and Kink

·      Reasons Behind Many People's Unrealized Kinkiness

·      The Evolution of Kinks

·      Psychology of Symbolic and Sensory Play

·      Kink Exploration's Emotional Safety

·      The Significance of Safe Words and Consent

·      Comprehending the Concept of an Enthusiastic Maybe

·      Managing Shame Regarding Sexual Desires

·      How Couples Can Respectfully Discuss Kinks

 

Thank you to our sponsor! ​Steady Freddy​ is here to bring men's sexual health out of the shadows and into everyday conversation. Their ​Delay Spray​ created for men who experience premature ejaculation, or just want to last a bit longer in bed. It's simple. Spray on. Play on. Enjoy! Use the code SEXOLOGY and enjoy 15% off. 


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Podcast Produced by Vaudeo Productions



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Transcript

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Sexology, a podcast that untangles the science of sex and pleasure. [SPEAKER_00]: And now, with this week's episode, your host, Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Naseneen Moali. [SPEAKER_02]: We'll come back to another episode of the Sexology podcast. [SPEAKER_02]: I'm your host, Dr. Nassanine Moolly. [SPEAKER_02]: And today we're diving into a topic that sparks curiosity, excitement, and sometimes a lot of shame.

[SPEAKER_02]: Kink. [SPEAKER_02]: What actually is kink from a psychological perspective? [SPEAKER_02]: How do specific kinks develop in the first place? [SPEAKER_02]: Are they learned? [SPEAKER_02]: Wired into us connected to attachment patterns or early erotic imprinting? [SPEAKER_02]: We're going beyond the usual conversations about spanking and dominance, to explore the psychology behind less commonly discussed kinks and what even unusual fantasies can t-shirts about how desire works.

[SPEAKER_02]: We'll talk about the emotional safety that needs to be negotiated before acting on a kink, how to move past shame around sexual curiosity, or even around not having a kink and what to do when you're partner, [SPEAKER_02]: Sure, the desire that doesn't immediately turn you on. [SPEAKER_02]: I'm joined today by GG Angle, a registered psychotherapist, sex educator, and award-winning author of all the fucking mistakes and the upcoming book, King Curious.

[SPEAKER_02]: She specializes in working with gender, sexuality, and relationship diverse clients, including members of the LGBTQIA POS community, Kinky Folks and people in polyamorous and open relationships. [SPEAKER_02]: Before we dive in, I want to talk about something incredibly common that doesn't get enough attention, premature ejaculation, about one in three men experiences at some point.

[SPEAKER_02]: And here's what's important, PA is subjective, it simply means ejaculating sooner than you want and feeling some distress about it. [SPEAKER_02]: For one person that might be 32nd for another person might be 10 minutes, but wishing it were longer. [SPEAKER_02]: Control and confidence matter.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's why we partnered with Steady Freddy, and I want to be transparent whenever we get a new sponsor I personally test a product, then we tried Steady Freddy, it genuinely made sex significantly longer, while still being pleasurable for everyone involved. [SPEAKER_02]: The balance is key.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a delay spray designed to help men last longer while keeping sensation intact, and interestingly, many women purchase it [SPEAKER_02]: You can get 15% off with the code sexology at steadyfredit.com forward slash sexology. [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, please make sure you're always reading the label and follow direction for youth. [SPEAKER_02]: Alright, let's dive in! [SPEAKER_02]: Hello and welcome back to another episode of The Sexology podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: I am so excited to welcome back, Gigi Engel. [SPEAKER_02]: Gigi is a relationship psychotherapist, sex educator, author, she's been on the show before. [SPEAKER_02]: And we are having her back on the show because she just published this wonderful book about King. [SPEAKER_02]: Gigi, welcome to a show. [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for having me. [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited to be here. [SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you so much for all the great work that you're doing.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know you do a lot on writing about sexual health, normalizing taboo topics around sex and recent book, which I know as we're recording, it's going to get launched in few weeks. [SPEAKER_02]: It's about King. [SPEAKER_02]: And what I've noticed, and I'm sure it's been your experience as well, that King entered more of a mainstream conversation recently. [SPEAKER_02]: So for our listeners first of all, there might not know what King is, and Jay Highly died.

[SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us a little bit about what do we mean exactly when we say King? [SPEAKER_01]: When we're talking about King, I think that people misunderstand it quite a lot, they'll kind of move immediately into the whole 50 shades of gray, red room of pain, kind of like BDSM world. [SPEAKER_01]: But actually, King is much more highly complex than that.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is a big umbrella term that encompasses a lot of different sexual practices where BDSM is certainly a part of it, but it's not necessarily the whole thing. [SPEAKER_01]: It's basically anything that falls outside of the heteronormative umbrella.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's kind of a huge topic, like even when we look at something like sensation play like where somebody maybe is blindfolded and their partners like giving them essential massage that kind of thing that is considered kink. [SPEAKER_01]: So I think a lot of people are much more kinky than they probably realize.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's interesting that, as he said, like people have this misconception about extreme, what they consider extreme behaviors, which in reality of many things people do in forplay, it falls under, it can keep behaviors. [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes people confuse between [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, so when we're talking about kink and fetish by definition, all fetishes are kinks, because kink is the big umbrella term. [SPEAKER_01]: A fetish basically, let's start with kinks.

[SPEAKER_01]: So a kink is a non-normative sexual interest. [SPEAKER_01]: So that's basically anything that falls outside of the heteronormative umbrella that could be spanking. [SPEAKER_01]: It could be balloons. [SPEAKER_01]: It could be wax play. [SPEAKER_01]: It could be bondage. [SPEAKER_01]: It could really be all these different things.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when we're talking about a fetish, we're talking about something that is a non-typically non-sexual item or act that a person needs in order to have their peak erotic experience. [SPEAKER_01]: With a kink, it's more like that something you really enjoy and you like it to be a part of sexual experiences, but you don't meet it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas a fetish is kind of like a more intense kink where you kind of need that object or act to be a part of your erotic experiences [SPEAKER_01]: sexual experience. [SPEAKER_01]: Now fetishes also fall on a bit of a continuum. [SPEAKER_01]: Some people may have a fetish where if that object, let's say, let's say leather gloves.

[SPEAKER_01]: If like leather gloves are not a part of their erotic experience, they may not even be able to experience a rousal at all, whereas other people may really want the leather gloves to be a part of their erotic experience, but they don't necessarily need it in order to have a good time.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's really helpful to know that, as you mentioned, there is a spectrum, because sometimes when people who are considered code and code vanilla, they have this fear that, oh, if my partner has this fetish or canke, it needs to be looking certain way, which might be, but as I'm here, there is a lot of flexibility for my clients or people who are interested in different kings and fetishes.

[SPEAKER_02]: And one of the number one questions I get when it comes to [SPEAKER_02]: Kings is people are curious how people develop these kings from the first, from the beginning, some people think about it being part of a touchman, some people think it's about imprinting, what have been some of the findings that you discovered around the origin of these behaviors?

[SPEAKER_01]: So when it comes to is kink born from fantasy, as it connected to attachment, is it connected to erotic imprinting, basically it's yes to all of the above because desire is so multi-layered.

[SPEAKER_01]: Some kinks may come just from fantasy alone, others may be shaped by attachment patterns, intimacy wounds, or some of the power dynamics that you grew up around, etc. [SPEAKER_01]: Basically, it's about your early erotic imprinting absolutely playing a role because it's like the first time that you've felt in your body and a rousal experience from whatever that kink may be. [SPEAKER_01]: And that can certainly happen when we are first growing up, but also people made develop kinks.

[SPEAKER_01]: their experience, their fantasy, et cetera, in their later adult life. [SPEAKER_01]: So really, it's a huge huge spectrum of how Kings May develop. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think what's important is that people are often very curious and very interested in learning why their Kings develop. [SPEAKER_01]: But I often say that why the King's develop is an interesting thing to know about yourself if you're coming at it with curiosity.

[SPEAKER_01]: But really, it's not so much about why, but rather, what does this King do for you emotionally, centrally and relationally now in your current life? [SPEAKER_02]: I love that that you brought that up. [SPEAKER_02]: I like it as a thought experiment, right? [SPEAKER_02]: I'm often curious about why this type of person arrives me.

[SPEAKER_02]: For example, just coming from the place of curiosity, but sometimes when people want to know exactly what was the origin of this king, sometimes it comes from this place. [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want it. [SPEAKER_02]: I don't fix it the same way if we have a two more, right? [SPEAKER_02]: Like I wear was the origin of it. [SPEAKER_02]: I can remove it.

[SPEAKER_02]: But when we're coming from [SPEAKER_02]: create space for us to kind of understand our desires more and co-create this exciting sexual experiences because what makes an erotic experience exciting for many people the that creation fades. [SPEAKER_02]: So and I think when you have kings and interests it can be a secret sauce. [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know for majority of people's dementia and they people are going to engage in spanking as is a video.

[SPEAKER_02]: And these are the very common things we see in media. [SPEAKER_02]: People often might have had experiences with partners in the past. [SPEAKER_02]: And there are some uncommon ones that we don't hear much about. [SPEAKER_02]: I know that you have done writing and balloon play on war. [SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us a little bit about those uncommon ones? [SPEAKER_02]: And what are these teachers when we're kind of like thinking about it from a psychological lens?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so psychologically, when we think about kink, it's much more of a sensory experience rather than being particularly literal. [SPEAKER_01]: I think we can think of a lot of kink play as metaphorical.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when we're talking about something, let's say balloon play, it can speak to anticipation, the thrill of unpredictability when is that balloon going to pop, et cetera, or it could be like a soothing ritual sensation of the blowing up of the balloon, of the caressing the balloon, smelling the balloon, whatever it is, which is like a full body sensory experience.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when we're talking about something like war, which is the kink of wanting to be consumed or eaten or fully enveloped by usually a fantasy creature, we're talking about surrender, we're talking about the total acceptance, we're talking about the feeling of being enveloped. [SPEAKER_01]: So we're kind of looking at kink in this sort of big sensory way. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think we have to understand that a lot of eroticism is very symbolic like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, it's subconscious desires that are speaking through metaphor in our canke play. [SPEAKER_01]: And you don't necessarily have to relate to someone's canke or understand all of the emotionality that's behind it. [SPEAKER_01]: The excitement, the comfort, submission, all of that. [SPEAKER_01]: But it's about the vulnerability of being seen and understood by a partner as well.

[SPEAKER_02]: And many of these things develop very early, at least for many of my clients, I've watched so many cartoons of people showing that, oh, this is how I discovered I was into being enveloped or like people sometimes they develop it early on. [SPEAKER_02]: And I love that you're frame it in a sensory experience because that's more relatable for people.

[SPEAKER_02]: Because sometimes we have these negative messaging about, okay, if someone is kinky or less with a newer generation, [SPEAKER_02]: misconception around that. [SPEAKER_02]: And if we're thinking about another form of sensory play and symbolic play, then that creates more openness around open to experiment with a different interest at an or getting even curious around that.

[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things I love about the book you wrote, this kind of step by step guideline for people should kind of have these conversations. [SPEAKER_02]: whatever we're doing, emotional safety is very, very important. [SPEAKER_02]: And specifically around any kind of King play, any kind of like power exchange, that that's also very important to have these conversations.

[SPEAKER_02]: So for people who are curious about it, and they want to have this conversation, what would you recommend them to consider a negotiator on emotional safety? [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely, I mean, emotional safety is foundational and being able to talk about our desires in general, but when it comes to kink, it can be very extra vulnerable. [SPEAKER_01]: So we need trust, we need transparency, and we need a shared understanding of boundaries.

[SPEAKER_01]: And emotional safety really means we can talk openly about what we want without fear of ridicule and shame.

[SPEAKER_01]: We need to know the difference between fantasy and real-world limits because some kinks and fetishes are just not doable in real life or aspects of them or not, for as a good example of this, because if we're talking about a monster basically, you know, eating you or whatever, it's like that's not [SPEAKER_01]: really going to be able to be realized IRL, but there are ways to negotiate around that.

[SPEAKER_01]: We also have to have very crucially we need to have safe words and check-ins. [SPEAKER_01]: When we say safe words these are non-sexual words that are designed to stop the play when somebody is reaching either a boundary or a limit or something is making them feel uneasy so that you can check in with your partner so you need to be constantly checking in. [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of kink is negotiation.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then we need to also understand that a consent is a living and ongoing conversation. [SPEAKER_01]: So it's not like you go in and you've just said, yes, to a certain thing, but we are understanding that at any time consent can be revoked or renegotiated throughout play. [SPEAKER_01]: Because when emotional safety is really clear, our kink play can become really expansive rather than being overwhelming.

[SPEAKER_01]: and it stops being taboo and it starts to be a collaborative process. [SPEAKER_02]: For many people, they haven't had experiences or experiences, and they want to engage in it. [SPEAKER_02]: It's really hard for them to know their babies. [SPEAKER_02]: Like, you know, maybe what looks like it, no, but the maybe part, it can be difficult. [SPEAKER_02]: How can people navigate it when they're curious but they're not sure around that gray area?

[SPEAKER_01]: I think when it's a gray area we need to come at it and I talk about this a lot in the book but it's called an enthusiastic maybe and a lot of playing with kink especially if you're new to it is that you even go in with certain boundaries. [SPEAKER_01]: Most people understand things there are a no they understand things that they're interested in but if you've never done this before [SPEAKER_01]: a lot of what you're working with is a maybe.

[SPEAKER_01]: So as much as I want to say consent is an enthusiastic yes, sometimes you don't know what your boundaries are until you're actually playing with certain stuff. [SPEAKER_01]: So like if you are, let's say you're doing a little bondage scene and you're tied up. [SPEAKER_01]: And this was something you were interested in trying, but you weren't sure, but you thought you were going to be into it. [SPEAKER_01]: But then suddenly you start to feel uncomfortable.

[SPEAKER_01]: That is an opportunity to check in and renegotiate how you're feeling about a certain thing. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think we have to have grounding exercises with our partner, there's plenty in the book.

[SPEAKER_01]: finding a way to come back to ourselves, get grounded again, and renegotiate those boundaries without thinking that we're bad at King, we're not good at sex, whatever it is because sometimes we need to be gentle with ourselves because we don't know what we don't like a lot of the time until we're actually giving it a go. [SPEAKER_01]: It's the same thing with all sex. [SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think it loved the idea of enthusiastic maybe because I think many times unless we are stepping into maybe, of course, if we feel comfortable, we wouldn't know. [SPEAKER_02]: Right. [SPEAKER_02]: Like, and I think it's going to be a, for majority of people, not an exciting, [SPEAKER_02]: Adventurers experience if you're just staying at the ODS, at least that's not the case for me.

[SPEAKER_02]: For the renegotiation piece, is do you recommend people to do it in middle or is that something that they do in after care? [SPEAKER_02]: What would what would be some of the good places to do that? [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, so because you have your safe words, if there's something that isn't working for you, I would recommend using your safe word in order to stop the scene where it is.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then coming together because you're new to Kank, I wouldn't recommend just using a safe word and then just going back into a scene or doing something else. [SPEAKER_01]: I would recommend you move into your aftercare plan and I have a lot of making your aftercare plans in the book because aftercare looks very different for everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: Aftercare is basically just the stuff we do to reconnect to ground ourselves after emotionally intense experiences, which can't guess. [SPEAKER_01]: So if you reach a limit or you're like, that was not something I liked. [SPEAKER_01]: You say you're safe word and your partner is giving you the generous interpretation of meeting you with empathy.

[SPEAKER_01]: You move into your aftercare plan and that's an opportunity for you too to reconnect to have a discussion to figure out what it was [SPEAKER_01]: that was uncomfortable for you and how things can be adjusted in the future because sex and erotic experiences and cake are so emotionally intense that sometimes we need to take that time to really process and ground and feel safe again in order to effectively communicate.

[SPEAKER_02]: Many people who are like, for example, if you are with a partner that they are new to King and finally they agree to do something. [SPEAKER_02]: When the partner you say for the other partner might feel get disappointed and shame might show up, how do you recommend people to manage shame around these experiences? [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, so Shane is really inherited rather than something that we own essentially. [SPEAKER_01]: It's not really a truth.

[SPEAKER_01]: It comes from all of this per tantical messaging that we have all experienced in some way or another no matter which culture you came from, honestly. [SPEAKER_01]: So we need to be understanding of safe words when we're having our first negotiations, like if somebody is saying a safe word, it is not an indictment on somebody's ability to do that specific kink act. [SPEAKER_01]: It's simply a way to alert a partner that a boundary has been reached.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think when we can come to each other with that kind of empathy, it really makes it a lot easier not to get [SPEAKER_01]: We need to start normalizing curiosity over shame, just to get into how we can move past shame, because everybody has some sort of erotic wiring. [SPEAKER_01]: Some people just have a much clearer sense of this.

[SPEAKER_01]: And those are the people who are perhaps more proudly kinky than those who are kind of moving on to this journey at the very beginning. [SPEAKER_01]: So you don't need a kink to be interesting. [SPEAKER_01]: It does not make you deviant to have one.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think we need to approach desire and kink in general and all sexual interests with more neutrality, rather than thinking we have to be like, so gung-ho for it or so anti-change me kind of vibe in order to allow shame to have no space to breathe, because we're approaching things with curiosity rather than shame.

[SPEAKER_02]: for many people, you might kind of be this sex positive person or you might be neutral person experiences, but also you might not be into certain things, right? [SPEAKER_02]: We all have things that are very interested in, there are things that are neutral, and there are things that doesn't do. [SPEAKER_02]: exciting. [SPEAKER_02]: It's not exciting for us.

[SPEAKER_02]: So if our partner asks us to do something and just doesn't turn us on, how can we approach it with integrity, with empathy? [SPEAKER_02]: Because that is can be a very tough conversation to have. [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. [SPEAKER_01]: I think that what we need to do is the able to graciously accept to know, we have to understand, and we say this in the community, but it's just don't yet other people's young.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that might be something that you're not interested in, but that doesn't give you the right to treat another person poorly. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think we need to come to our partners when they're being willing to be so vulnerable and honor the vulnerability of that disclosure and not but while also not pretending that we're into something that we're not. [SPEAKER_01]: So I wrote an example for your listeners. [SPEAKER_01]: So I would say, this is a little script you can say.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you can say, thank you for trusting me with that. [SPEAKER_01]: I love that you shared it. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure it's something I'm into, but I want to understand it better and see where we can meet in the middle. [SPEAKER_01]: And that way, you are creating a space where the doors of communication are kept open.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can figure out ways where perhaps this kind of play can be a part of their erotic life can be a part of their solo erotic life or perhaps it could be explored in a different way if you're really not interested in it or perhaps it could be a way that could be incorporated into your erotic experience on occasion depending on your boundaries.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you can also do exercises once you've had these kind of conversations, which I have in the book, call the yes, no, maybe less, which lists all of those sexual and kinky things that I could personally think of, which are, it's very extensive. [SPEAKER_01]: It's not exhaustive, but it was everything I could think of.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you guys can go through it separately, figure out what your yes knows, what those babies might be, things you might not have thought of, but you're interested in. [SPEAKER_01]: And then you can come back together and find some overlaps, so that way you can explore together, [SPEAKER_01]: In ways where you both find it exciting rather than partners making concessions where they really might not want to do something because that's also not fair. [SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love this kind of invitation and this kind of like the curiosity place and also recognizing that I see you, I hear you, you're valid, and I might not be into this, and there are other options in the menu that we can explore. [SPEAKER_02]: I think that is just such a beautiful way of putting it. [SPEAKER_02]: So our listeners, how they have permission to use your language if they want to kind of like [SPEAKER_02]: language.

[SPEAKER_02]: So people who are interested to build fluency in this realm without feeling rush, without feeling pressured, what are some of the invitations you have for them? [SPEAKER_01]: So there are so many ways to really start to get comfortable with it. [SPEAKER_01]: I think [SPEAKER_01]: Before I get into the list I have here, my book really focuses on the individual rather than partnered play.

[SPEAKER_01]: The last third of the book is where we get into bringing our partners into the into the experience, because I think so much of Kink is actually about that personal journey about discovering what your wants are, what your desires are, what what this actually would look like to you. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's so foundational. [SPEAKER_01]: So I think that's where we really started. [SPEAKER_01]: You need to figure out which you want, because I think of a lot of the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's [SPEAKER_01]: experimenting with cake with a partner, but I do think it is a good idea to figure out what it is you actually want as an individual before you start doing partner stuff because that way you'll be a lot more clear about your desires. [SPEAKER_01]: And that's really step number one is starting to name what those desires actually are. [SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't require any action, it's just figuring out the language of what it is that you actually want.

[SPEAKER_01]: Is it that you are really interested in spanking? [SPEAKER_01]: Is it that you actually want to be spanked? [SPEAKER_01]: Is it that you want to be spanked in a certain way or in a certain context and kind of figuring some of that stuff out first? [SPEAKER_01]: And then when we're bringing our partners in, that's a really good opportunity to start sharing our actual fantasies.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they can often evoke emotionality, but that's where we have those sort of conversations that are a two-way street. [SPEAKER_01]: We're inviting our partners to share their fantasies. [SPEAKER_01]: We're sharing our fantasies with them. [SPEAKER_01]: We're giving generous interpretation and empathy in order to defend against defensiveness.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then when we're moving into actually playing with this kind of stuff, you can try really low stake experiment experiments with kink for instance, you can try a blindfold you don't even need to buy a blindfold you can literally use a t-shirt or like a scarf and you could try. [SPEAKER_01]: a gentle power dynamic because I think a lot of people, this is a kind of an easy door and a canke.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think people very much think it's this dumb sub thing that they very much have to do. [SPEAKER_01]: When actually when we look at any real sexual experience a lot of the time, there is one person who is kind of doing the leading and one person who is doing the following and that's not unlike canke. [SPEAKER_01]: This is just more explicit. [SPEAKER_01]: So I think you can figure out some of that stuff if you start playing with Power Dynamics more explicitly.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then when you're finished with sort of experimenting with some of this stuff, that's an opportunity to have your debrief, which is your aftercare, figuring out what was awkward, figuring out what was great, figuring out what you want done differently, what you want more of.

[SPEAKER_01]: And [SPEAKER_01]: You can expand gradually from there and to different kinds of play, but I think what's a really important thing that I just want to leave everyone with is that this is going to be awkward and it is going to be funny and it is going to be silly at times and we are not going to be able to fully embrace our kinky selves and really experience what we want.

[SPEAKER_01]: If we cannot get over the fact that like some of this stuff is going to be growing pains because you don't go into the kitchen and you've never cracked an egg before and suddenly you can make an omelet. [SPEAKER_01]: You need to be able to practice and figure it out together. [SPEAKER_02]: I agree with you and I think learning things together can also feel connected, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Like you're leaning into this new skills and that also can bring an element of excitement and even flow if it's not overwhelming. [SPEAKER_02]: Gigi, I know your book is such a great wealth of knowledge trying to come soon. [SPEAKER_02]: King, and what I like about your writing is your writing is very clear and helpful for people that are trying to navigate things.

[SPEAKER_02]: So for people that are curious about your book, about your services, tell us a little bit about how can they get a whole of you. [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, so you can find everything about me on my website, which is Ms.Jijango.com. [SPEAKER_01]: I also have a sub-stack called the G-Spot where every Monday I fill your inbox with kinky things, sex things, relationship things from a therapist's perspective. [SPEAKER_01]: So it's pretty heavy on this psychological aspects of sexuality.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's really fun. [SPEAKER_01]: And I am on all the social media at [SPEAKER_01]: wherever books are sold and it will be released January 21st. [SPEAKER_01]: So if you are hearing this after January 21st, get out there and get yourself a copy. [SPEAKER_02]: And I highly recommend that I love talking about it. [SPEAKER_02]: I was sharing with you that I talked about in other podcasts already, which is God release and people were so interested.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I hope people make sure that they're getting the book. [SPEAKER_02]: And thank you so much for GG for coming on this show and can wait to have you in our future episodes. [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks so much for having me. [SPEAKER_02]: This was so fun. [SPEAKER_02]: As we wrap up, here's something worth remembering. [SPEAKER_02]: The range of human desire is far wider than most people realize. [SPEAKER_02]: The fantasies people quietly hold are often far more common than they think.

[SPEAKER_02]: Curiosity isn't a problem. [SPEAKER_02]: Shame is. [SPEAKER_02]: And when we bring honesty and emotional safety into the conversation, desires become something we can explore rather than hide from. [SPEAKER_02]: And before you go, a quick word about study Freddy, we genuinely enjoyed using it. [SPEAKER_02]: It helped sex-slash significant the longer, while still feeling good for everyone involved, which honestly is the balance that matters most.

[SPEAKER_02]: If control and confidence [SPEAKER_02]: solution. [SPEAKER_02]: You can get 15% of the code 6ology at studyfread.com for a slice 6ology and of course always read the label and follow directions for use. [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode of the 6ology podcast. [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for listening to Sixology Podcasts. [SPEAKER_02]: For more great content, visit www.sixologypodcast.com.

[SPEAKER_02]: Please be advised that information presented on this podcast is not a substitute for seeking help from a licensed mental health provider.

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