¶ Intro
Whenever I was high, I could last longer in bed, right? So I was like the stud. Now all of a sudden, now I know how to do some positions, watched a few p*** movies to get some ideas. So I became this kind of like, you know, so called good lover. But ultimately underneath that was just a bed of shame, guilt, fear that I'm going to premature ejaculate. And actually, even though I was sometimes lasting a long time, I was still, in my opinion, premature ejaculated.
Hello, friend, and welcome to the sex upgraded podcast. A podcast from an all about sex where we'll combine real, authentic, and down to earth conversations about sex life and relationships with some pretty wild personal stories and practical how to episodes as well with guest experts from around the world to help you have the most amazing sex life you can possibly have. My name is Taylor and I'll be your host on this journey and it's my goal with each episode to give you practical, actionable things you can start doing today to improve your sex life and your entire life, because a thriving sex life will help you thrive in all areas of your life. So let's begin today's episode by starting with a deep breath, in through the nose, into the belly, together, exhaling with an audible sigh, and let's get into today's episode. Today the topic is masturbation, and I'm joined by my friend Simon, who helps men transform masturbation into this practice that really helps uplift their entire life.
Simon, thank you so much for showing up for this conversation. It's an honor to be here with you.
Thank you so much. And thank you for the work you're doing.
We met, I think it was three years ago in Thailand. We actually lived at the same retreat center for a little while that was full of a bunch of other sex educators that came out there to spend time living together and working together during the day and then going to the beach at night, going to dances and giving each other our own workshops as well. And man, I loved the conversations we had and I loved all the rabbit holes went down and I loved all the talks we had about masturbation and all the nitty gritty pieces of it. It was such a good time.
Yeah, that was a little before the COVID era, actually. We were just hanging out in paradise there. We were all birth in some new projects, weren't we? That was the whole thing. We was birthing these new projects and I was inspired by what you were doing and how you wanted to support more and more men. So I'm happy to be here today to hopefully inspire some of your audience.
Yeah, some of this audience and some of the men around the world and all the people that these men are connected with, because masturbation is such a huge topic. I mean, we've all done it many times. We might have healthy habits around it. We might have some unhealthy habits, and I want to talk about those. But before we do, I want to ask you an icebreaker question, and that is, if you could go back in time and teach your younger self something about sex or relationship or masturbation, what would you want to teach your younger self?
¶ Sex Advice for Simon's Younger Self
I would want to teach my younger self that the guru. If there's any guru, it's in your pants. And that's really a line that I use, is that the wisdom, the access, the portal to life, to God, if you will, is hidden, I say hidden in your pants. My little play with that. But the whole being is that, you know, we go outside looking for the stimulation, the connection, the intimacy, the love. We go outside, right? And nobody taught me that, actually. You go inside and I'm not going to be able to love anybody outside of myself until I learn to love myself. And that I can use what is called masturbation, but I can use self pleasure, self love to empower myself. So that's what I'd say. I don't know whether my younger self would listen. It'd be like, no, man, I just got to go out there and get with women.
But still, that's what I would say.
Yeah, the guru is in your pants. And using masturbation can be a tool to help grow and learn and yeah, I wonder if I had heard that at 20, honestly, if it would have landed for me, I might have said, man, I'm just going to watch my p***, I'm going to watch my p***. I'm going to go try to have sex with women. I guess for me, at 20, it was not try to have sex with women because I was actually really ashamed of my sexual dysfunction when I was 20 years old. And so it was just like, oh, I'll just watch my p*** and keep my addictive patterns with masturbation and p*** going, even though I wasn't stoked about it. That's what I did when I was 20.
I can only imagine yeah, please carry on.
Well, I can just only imagine how my life would have been different for the past 18 years since I was 20, had I actually learned earlier on the true power of masturbation and the true power of self. Yeah, I can't imagine. Really?
No. It's funny when I think back in these ways and even knowing you now and knowing what you're doing now and how you're showing up and how you're serving, it's kind of that sometimes I question, though, because I look at the divine design of everything and I go, well, look how you through your experience because of that and through probably what I'm going to share with you and your audience today. We're now doing what we're doing. But at the same time, if we did know what we knew, then maybe me and you would maybe just be, I don't know, surfing down a mountain right now, snowboarding every day, because we don't think there's a problem with sexuality. I don't know.
Yeah, man, maybe so. And maybe that's a big piece of the learning too. Not everybody does need to become a sex educator. Right. But if you learned some of this stuff earlier on, maybe you don't have to go through all the s*** that we had to go through and all the struggles that we had to go through to get to this point where we're actually able to have these conversations from a different standpoint. Maybe you learn this stuff in your life right now as the listener, as the viewer. If you're watching this on YouTube and you learn how to apply this stuff and actually it rocket ships your entire life to the next level, like your business, your sexual relationships, all this stuff. So you don't have to suffer like we have in the past. You can actually thrive.
Yeah, right. I'm getting excited already just listening to that. Because if we can, that's a seed of inspiration. That's a seed of great potential. Of course, we don't know what path anyone's going to choose. Right? There's a lot of challenges in life and so on. But yeah, some of these things, how they enhance us to have this awareness, I am inspired almost like an archaeologist or a scientist. That's curious. What would that be like for a 16 year old, 17 year old, 18 year old who doesn't have to go through the self violation, the outward violation to others trying to get their needs met in dysfunctional ways, abusing without realizing, traumatizing others and ourselves without realizing. I mean, I do often contemplate this, like, what would a life be like or what would a culture be like that didn't have that embedded and ingrained in it?
That does definitely interest me.
Yeah. And even if you're 30 or 40 or 50 or 60, there's going to be some really useful nuggets here as well because it's never too late to start a healthier practice with your sex life.
Because don't get me going on that. So I didn't start masturbating properly until I was 40. Like 4040.
Yeah.
I don't know if you want you might have a question for me. So I don't know if I should just dive straight into my whole dysfunction around masturbation, but let's just go with the questions if you have some for me.
Yeah, well, let's hear your story up front and then I do have some questions here. Everything from like, should guys m********* or not? What do you think about no FAP, celibacy, sexual fantasy p***, all that stuff. But I would love to hear your story first to give some context to this whole conversation.
¶ Simon's Personal Sex Story/History
Okay. So I want to keep it essence as well, just because we can elaborate on a lot of things. But let's just say my whole beginning, I wasn't so much into p***, I wasn't so much into sex magazines, but I saw them now and again at the top of the shops, in the news agents and so on. And I had this one VRC VHS, a couple of VHS recorders that a few friends gave me of these particular, just this one p*** scene that I used to sometimes use. But I had so much disgust about masturbation that I didn't really m*********. I had a belief that if you m*********, you can't attract a woman, right? So if I'm masturbating, I'm somehow not attractive or I'm like, I shouldn't be doing this. This is like, wrong. So I do the quick 1 minute w*** fast w***, wipe it up, clean it up, get it over with, quick time, right?
And then I just wouldn't w*** or m********* for I can't remember how long, but a long time. So I ended up having wet dreams, like crazy, like wet dreaming, waking up and being AHA, God again and not having any knowledge, any support, right, of how I can work with didn't even you know what? Looking back now, Taylor, I questioned why I didn't even ask. I didn't ask any friends. I obviously felt too much shame. I didn't go researching, I didn't read any books. And now when I look back now, like, you know, 46 years now, and I look back and I'm reading books and I'm learning, I'm listening to podcasts, I'm listening to your stuff and I'm learning about it and I'm like, why didn't I even consider that at 16 1718? But what I did consider you're going to love this. What I did consider, how can I prolong my ejaculation when I started wanting to be with women, right?
So I didn't think, oh, maybe if I learn how to m********* and touch my body, that would help. Guess what I thought? I thought, there must be something I can spray on my p****. Like there was a spray used to be able to get, right? I went to Thailand and I got this funny ointment. It was like this brown ointment in a jar. And you put a little bit on your finger and you rubbed it on your Belle end, right, to numb your to numb the corona the Belle end, right, so that you could somehow prolong sex. And then from sort of 1617, 1819, I was drinking copious amounts of alcohol, snorting cocaine, taking ecstasy. So then, of course, whenever I was high, I could last longer in bed, right? So I was like the stud no. All of a sudden, now I know how to do some positions, watched a few p*** movies to get some ideas.
So I became this kind of like so called good lover. But ultimately, underneath that was just a bed of shame, guilt, fear that I'm going to premature ejaculate. And actually, even though I was sometimes lasting a long time, I was still, in my opinion, premature ejaculated. Yeah, I was not going for like, hour long, two hour long, three hour long love making sessions. And definitely as soon as it became too friction based, especially if we're doing doggy style or we're doing from behind, that was just all over within a moment, maybe I'll give you that. Just a little context and then weave forward now, whatever. 2025 years going on, this journey of exploration of sexuality, tantra, speaking truth, looking at our shame and guilt, at 40 years old, I studied sexological body work, so I became a psychological body worker. Okay. And one of the main practices that they teach in the beginning, which I was kind of shocked with at first.
Okay, I'm going there to do body work, and I'm going to learn body work. Right? Because I was already doing massage, and I thought, okay, I want to expand into, like, de armoring and body work around sexuality. And the first exercise that we had to do was we had to choose if we do seven days or 30 days of what they call orgasmic yoga. Right? An orgasmic yoga is choreographies of self love, self pleasure, where you explore your masturbation, you explore your a***, you start to explore your body with breath, movement and sound. And at first, I'm like, sound is super interesting. And I thought, well, if you know me. Taylor I'm not a seven day kind of guy. I'm like, but if there's a 30 day challenge, I'm going to take the 30 days challenge. Right? Yeah, for sure, right? So I'm like, okay, I'm going to do 30 days of this o***** yoga.
And long story short, I could talk about that for multiple podcasts. But basically within the first seven days, I knew I was touching into something for me, revelationary, because it was making me face everything around my judgments around masturbation, my gay phobia, around my fear of my a***. It's just one thing after another. Taylor and then since then, my brother, I've just been like, this is why I call it the guru in the pants. Because I said, if there's anywhere that we've been running away from, we're running away from the power and the fear and the guilt and the shame and everything that's pounded on us through the sin of sexuality. And I know you know this. I'm kind of preaching to the converted, but that was a life, life changer. And then ever since then, this is one of the great gifts I share with those that come on my path, is how we can reclaim our power through self pleasure and transforming masturbation into a self loving meditation, basically.
And here we are.
Beautiful. Yeah, here we are. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing that story. And there's a couple of things that I want to highlight. Number one is one of the reasons I love the topic of sex and talking about it and diving into it. It's not just because of the functional, physical aspects of sex, like the p**** and the hole, the hand up and down, the sex techniques, et cetera. It's like all the stuff you just talked about. There's so much wrapped up in sex, so much wrapped up in our pants, our self worth, our identity, our confidence, our ability to be successful or not. Love, meaning, connection, community, all that stuff is related and tied up with our sexuality and our sexual decisions. And so it's fascinating to me to dive into this stuff. And, yeah, thanks for speaking to that, and I just want to share that's one of the reasons I love talking about sex so much, number two is you said when you were younger, you didn't think to train yourself with masturbation or sex at all.
¶ The Importance of Sexual Training
And that's a really interesting piece to me as well. Because if we think about any other category of our lives, whether it be learning how to build a house, learning how to play basketball, learning how to be a better musician, studying martial arts, taking jujitsu, learning to practice all these different things. We have this societally accepted understanding that, oh, it takes training to do this, yet somehow the realm of sex is completely omitted from everybody's thought of. Oh, that takes training to get better. Somehow it seems like we all just expect that we should be good at sex or we should know exactly what to do, but there's this void. There's this void where people just aren't practicing, they aren't training. And we're here to say, this is a skill like anything else. Practice this and your whole f****** everything will improve. Yeah. Boom, boom.
Cheers to that.
I'm going to let you riff as well, because otherwise I just whip you fully. And isn't it just to say one thing to that, though? Isn't that so interesting that there must have been some subconscious programming that for me to even potentially go and start to think, oh, yeah, I wanted to play football when I was younger, so I knew I had to go training every week I was playing football, right? I started the gym at 16. I started going to the gym every day. Taylor right. Five days a week, six days a week. I never even contemplated, well, I need to train, like you just said, to learn about how to cultivate life force energy, how to know how my p**** works, even to know what is my p**** crazy.
For sure. And then to set realistic expectations, too. We would never start going to the gym if I'd never been before, I wouldn't start going to the gym next week and expect that two weeks in, after watching a couple of YouTube videos and trying a couple of lifting exercises, that I would have that s*** down. It takes a while, and with any skill learn the guitar. No, you're going to need a lot more than just two weeks. So it's useful to set some realistic expectations up front that if you start doing some of new practices around masturbation or sex, it's going to take some time and it's going to be worth it, but it's not going to be immediate. You can't just intellectually learn a concept and transform. You have to actually practice it. So let's get into the talking about the practicing it pieces.
What are some fundamental things that you think men should be doing in the realm of masturbation in order to optimize their sex life and their relationship with themselves? Like, what comes up first?
¶ Masturbation Techniques for Men
Lovely. So the first thing that pops up as you ask that question is touch the whole body. The big shift for me was that I am a genital. It's not the genitals in the pants. When I say this on workshops or speak, people laugh like, yeah, you're the genital. Or a couple of people from the past laugh and go, yeah, I always knew you were c***. Yeah, I always knew you a d***. Right. You get these of course these funny schoolboy jokes still pop up, but nevertheless, the idea that we are a pleasure instrument, like literally now I start to know that my boundaries and my touch as a male bodied being starts all over my body. So when I'm touching myself, I use oil, I use gentle touch, soft touch, earth touch, grounded touch, light feather touch, and I'm exploring my whole body. And very rarely, Taylor, when I'm masturbating, if we're just using that word today, is I'm not touching my sexual center, what was being called the p**** any necessarily more than I'm touching anywhere else on my body.
And I'm also not interested in just getting a hard, rock hard p**** and just staying there. Right. I use the energy. Exactly. I'm not like I was a cocktail balmer for a while, but I'm not doing that on my linguam anymore. Right. So the idea is that I'm building energy up by touching my sexual center, and then I'm moving that energy through different touch around my whole body. My eyes, in my head, in my ears. I'm getting shivers and tingles up my neck. I'm shaking, I'm moving, I'm dancing. I don't know if that's a bit more elaborated to what you asked me, but that's the touch, the whole body.
Yeah. Why?
Okay. Yeah, beautiful. Why for me is that we're cultivating a lot of energy. I call this the genital generators, right? So it's like, this is where we build the energy. And then from that, I bring that energy, that orgasmic energy, if you want to call it life force energy. And I move it around my body so it activates blood, moves around my body more. It releases the different chemicals and endorphins and the oxytocin and all the other feel good chemicals that start to move. I bring the energy up into my head, it gives me more energy, more clarity. I don't need to ejaculate in order to somehow burst my energy out or get to sleep. I bring the energy in, right? So by bringing the energy in, I'm an activated life force being. So it's like everybody every day takes their mobile phone and they make sure it's charged and they're looking at the bars every day or it's on 50%, I need to find a plug just in case it goes dead.
And I'm like, well, you need to find a plug to make sure your life force energy don't go dead. And that's what masturbation is for me. That's what life force activation is for me.
Yeah. Beautiful. So it's a self generative practice in addition to the utilitarian benefits. So I'll just ask you to speak to it too. This is great. Helps you self generate, helps you be a more energized and potent being in the world. What do you think the impact is on your love making experiences with other people if you m********* like this?
Oh my Lord, this is such a I'm so glad you bring this in because it's kind of where it leaves to, right? Men come to me, right? And they often come to me and they're like, oh yeah, but I want to make love. I want to make the better love to my partner. Yeah. I want to last longer in bed with my partner. Yada, yada. I know you know all this stuff, but for those listening, you might have this you might be at this point, you're like, yeah, I just want to be able to last longer. Well, let me tell you this. When you can last long with yourself and you no longer have the neediness, the expectations, or the goal or trying to get anywhere with your lover, then all of a sudden you're cultivating an embodiment of life force and love. That when you're with your lovers.
Because just the very act of not needy, not being needy and not trying to get anywhere already softens your lover. Whether it's male or female that you're loving, man or man, woman or woman, there's a relaxation in the space before anything's even started. The polarity of the love making is already started. It's in the field. We're making love all the time. The way we speak, the way we talk, the way we touch, the way we build up the space between us. Then when it comes to love making, I still ejaculate. Just to say for your listeners, I know you do a lot of talk about non ejaculation, so I still ejaculate. And also I celebrate my ejaculation when it comes. That's another thing that we can talk about after, maybe. But when I'm with my lover, my partner, there's much more opportunity to explore myself, explore them, stop, have conversation.
If it's not going anywhere, it doesn't matter if all of a sudden an emotion comes up I can just be with that. I'm not like I need to ejaculate. I need to get somewhere. What's going on? Why are you being emotional? I'm like, hey, whatever's. Here is the love. I'm not trying to get anywhere. I'm not trying to get an end result. I don't need to Ejaculate today. So anyway, I could go on, but I think that covers some of the points you ask, right?
Yeah, totally. And it sounds like what I'm hearing you say is the relief of the pressure to Ejaculate and the journey of the entire experience creates more spaciousness that doesn't push you towards Ejaculation, and that's what helps you last. One of the things that helps you last longer is just being in the journey of it. And I think of a lot of guys, and myself included when I was younger, use masturbation to get off, right? And the semantics of that is basically just relieve pressure to experience a release because there's too much it's a stress relieving thing. But that seems counter to everything you were just talking about, right? So can you speak to that? If there are men out there who say, oh, well, in order to relax, I need to get off, or in order to sleep, I need to get off, or in order to X, Y and Z, I've just got to get off and relieve that pressure.
¶ Release the NEED to Ejaculate...
Yeah.
What do you think about that?
Yeah, so I've never actually done that, right? There were some times when I used to take drugs and I come home from a night party out. Yeah. And I'd be like I'd be super buzzing, and I'd be like, man, the only way I'm going to sleep right now is if I m*********. And then I'd end up being sometimes because I'm on cocaine or I'm on these other drugs, alcohol, I sometimes be there for some time. I get tired because actually I can't Ejaculate and I'm in this kind of power w***, right, just trying to get to sleep. It'd be like crazy. I remember one time I was, like, laid on my bed, literally, in London, and I'd had this, like, power w***. I'd taken quite a lot of ecstasy and cocaine and I laid in bed, and I tell you, my heart was beaten so much, Taylor.
I laid there thinking, my heart's beaten a little bit erratically right now. Like, I could die. I could die here and nobody would know. This is a moment I had. The reason why I'm saying is, I don't advise that this is what we use wanking for, right? We have to understand that masturbation is such a sacred thing, right, that we've demonized it's just like it's no longer sacred. Like, even what I would what I would say now is, like, if you're using it's like, you're using it's almost like think of it like this. You're using your c*** to get a release, or you're using your c*** to get to sleep or you're using your c***, you're almost like it feels like as I'm speaking now, are you in your boundary? Are you in your consent with the way that your c*** wants to be touched?
Have you asked your c*** if it wants to be treated as a tool for stress release, for sleeping, for these other things? First and foremost, I'd totally start the dialogue with the p****, which is something that I do with men as well. Start to have a real dialogue with your p****, right? Because it's talking and it's speaking to you and it has needs and it wants to express itself, right? So that's first and foremost. And then you asked me what I would say to it. I would ask questions. Taylor. This is what's coming up in the moment, right? Why can't you sleep? Why are you stressed? What's underneath? What's the emotional turbulence going on inside? What wound or trauma is playing out that's making you anxious and stressed and can't sleep rather than just crying? It's like anything if I take a snort of cocaine or I have a quick w*** or what am I actually avoiding feeling?
That's what I would look at. That's what I would look at.
I like that direction because it makes me wonder and know from personal experience that if I do an extended self pleasure masturbation session and I really get into the energetics of it and I'm touching my whole body and I'm feeling my everything, that could actually be really f****** uncomfortable. Because there maybe are some emotions that might come up in that, some things I don't want to look at. Therefore maybe it would just be easier for me to wake and just ejaculate and get off versus go deeper into myself and actually deal with what's really there.
¶ Self-Pleasure as a Practice
Potentially. This is so juicy. And you say potentially, but I would say actually, inevitably. And I tell you why I say that. I tell you why I say that. I've been practicing now like this, touching the whole body and being with myself consistently. Yeah, sometimes it might only be once a week. Taylor. Sometimes it's twice a week. Sometimes I do seven days, sometimes I do a 21 day journey. I have different ways that I pleasure myself, but every day I have cultivation of life force practices. So that can be breath work, that can be dancing, that can be movement, that can be yoga. All of these are classed as my self pleasure masturbation. Now. You see what I mean? It's no longer like, oh, I do some yoga. I do yoga when I'm touching my genitals. And I don't mean a yoga class. I mean, if I'm in my flow, I might end up in an Asana of yoga because I'm like, wow.
And I'm moving energy through a stretching of my body or opening or bringing my legs over the back of my head and opening the spine so the. Life force energy can move through the spine. And then I come back and touch my lingam, cultivate some more energy. And then I'll just be shaking the hips for like, whatever, five minutes, ten minutes, whatever. And then I'm like up. And then I'm dancing around the whole room because I'm like, wow, man, I'm feeling so energized. And then I'm coming into slowness, right? And then, as you say, you're touching yourself. And then guess what happens? Emotion comes through. I'm crying my eyes out. I'm remembering a time when my dad didn't hold me, my mum wasn't there for me. I'm remembering times when I've violated past partners and I feel sorry for that and it brings up the grief of that.
And I start to feel deep grief so often, Taylor, at the end of my sessions, when I'm laying in stillness, because part of the practice I teach is that you end with meditation and stillness, right? In that stillness, I don't know how many times, because we're talking hundreds of times, but I'm saying now I feel so vulnerable and so beautiful and so loved and so held and so complete. And I can be laying there crying my eyes out, right? And I can be laying there feeling. And I feel whole, Taylor. I feel whole. And I say to people when I share this practice with them, I say, if you talk about wholeness, you talk about self love. This journey encapsulates everything because we don't exclude the sexual center. We're breathing, we're moving with sound. Everything's welcome emotional release. Sometimes, Taylor, I'm doing anger release. I get so angry.
This primal energy comes out and I'm like this on the floor with my standing, with my holding my legs, for example, maybe my knees or however it wants to come out. And I'm feeling a primal raw. And I don't just mean screaming, like I mean like it's like and it's coming up from somewhere. Sometimes I'm like when I hear my voice and it comes out, it's animal. And this happens. Like I'm angry with the society, whatever, I can give it story, but it's like, man, I'm just in the room and I'm just feeling this power in my body and I'm like, okay, this is what's here right now. And that's for masturbation.
Yeah. F*** it, that's awesome. And because it's an access point, right? This is an access point to your entirety of being. It's at your roots, at your sexual center, which ties into everything. If you look at the chakra system or the microcosmic orbit system and these different esoteric maps of the body, the root, the sexual center is a power source for everything else. So it would just make sense that all of this could happen. You could feel emotions, you could feel rage, you could feel elated, you could do yoga. And I was just thinking as you were speaking about doing yoga poses during masturbation. I love doing that. Too. Sometimes I even love doing like a qigong masturbation type experience where I'm standing up and I'm using my arms to move energy around and bring it back down to my genitals, then back up, then touch myself and activate a little bit in different parts of my body and then breathe and move it around.
¶ The Root Chakra is a POWER Source
And it's this interesting bridge from what, in the past I would have experienced masturbation to be just sitting or laying still with my hand moving up, isolated from the rest of my body and emotionality, to bringing it in and integrating it with my whole being, which is all of life. And not just this little box that usually in society we like to stuff sexuality and masturbation into. Right. We like pretend it doesn't impact everything else and just keep it separated in this nice little neat package over there.
Yes, it's so nice. You know what? I just want to take a breath on this because I feel talking to you, because I know you're walking this path, I'm feeling a lot of joy right now in my body. I'm feeling my chest is open and you're giving me inspiration as I'm listening to you. Right. I'm receiving inspiration. And as we're talking, I'm literally envisioning how many men this can benefit. What's coming up is sometimes I'm not communicating this clearly for people out there. Like, I've got these resources and tools. And so I just want to say, Taylor, that just inviting me on this podcast today is igniting the importance of this, the power of this. I don't tell everybody all the time my journey of how this has happened and just sharing it with you today, I'm like, yeah, for me it's become kind of a norm.
Right?
It's become familiar, but it's just not familiar for many of our brothers out there.
Right, totally. So let me ask you so I've got a couple of questions to clarify about this. First one is I've talked about things like this in the past and some comment, response, rebuttal argument against it that I've received from actually more men than I expected was that they said something to the effect of oh. Well, that sounds like a really feminine way to m********* as a way to dismiss it, to say, like, oh, you're getting into your emotionality oh, you're just getting into your feminine oh, that's just weak, or whatever. I'm curious what you would say to that.
¶ Is Self-Pleasure Feminine?
This is super juicy question. All right. So our power in our masculine, our embodied, dark and light masculine in a developed sense, not an underdeveloped or overdeveloped. We could break that down in more detail if we need to. In an embodied, developed masculine. In order for you to be fully in your power, you have to give the trust to your feminine to come out for your feminine to be embodied. We've been suppressing our internal feminine. So if this practice that Taylor and I are talking about sounds feminine. I wouldn't describe it as feminine. I would describe it as embodied of the yin yang, masculine and feminine, which is actually feeling both. And I get goosebumps as I say that, right? That I feel that is the embodiment of both. And in that wholeness in that integration of the yin and the yang principle, we're actually full in our power, which means we can access our emotions if we need to, we can be creative if we need to, and we can be full in our power and draw our sword and just be like, that's that as well.
And we can stand there and just look in the mirror and watch ourselves and pull our lingam if that's what we want to do. And we can do some hacker if we want to do some hacker, and we can bring in the dark masculine if we want to, whatever, but the point is, we're not disregarding any one of them. So I would actually respond to those comments with those comments in and of themselves are coming from an underdeveloped masculine response.
And sounds like you're saying that not to say like, oh, you're bad or wrong, but it's an invitation to look at this and look at, oh, where is that actually coming from in you? Really, like, if you do have that critique or criticism or you're pushing it away, what's actually going on there? Maybe what are you holding yourself back from? Or what are you afraid to feel?
Yeah, beautiful and definitely not saying anything's wrong. And this is why I use the word underdeveloped. Often in this realm, we use this thing of immature and mature. Right. We hear a lot of this, like when we say, oh, that's an immature masculine thing. There's a lot of talk about masculinity at the moment. Now it's like masculinity is becoming feminized and all this other stuff. So I've kind of been reframing my words and because if I call you a brother immature, that's not nice. It's like it's violent communication, right? We don't want to be playing with any violent communication here. We're all at different stages of our evolution. But why I like underdeveloped is because I'm more developed than I have been, right? And I'm still in a developing phase, right? So I'm underdeveloped maybe to the next aspect of my own evolution. Yeah. But what it is that we're at different stages.
So, like you said, if I heard that response even, what is the problem with it being feminine? That would be a question to ask. What is the problem with your sexuality and your love making being feminine? Is there a problem with that? And also, do we get caught up with these talks of masculine, feminine, how we're being or not being? I just like to go, you know what, sometimes with this kind of talks, Taylor, because they can become quite head based and theory based. It's like I just like to be straight with men when I'm with them and going, cut the bullshit. Look me in the eyes, look yourself in the eyes. Look in the mirror. You know when you're laying in the bath on your own or you're laying in your bed on your own or you're touching yourself on your own or you're walking down the street on your own?
We're on our own 99% of the time, right? In the physical realm, as we are, as this individual being. Of course we're interconnected with all things, but we're an individual being right now. Cut the bullshit. What's the internal dialogue you're having? What's the belief systems that you've got running? Where did you get those belief systems from? Are they expanding you or are they limiting you? Are you judging yourself 24/7 are you looking out and judging everybody else and thinking that you're the one that's superior knows? Are you being skeptical because you're scared to step over the edge of what you truly want? So I like to just let's meet there. I don't want to be the one that's got with the answers. I just know that I was lying, bullshitting myself, full of deceit, manipulation, coercion, and I was lying to myself. So I made a decision, Taylor, to say, hey, if I'm lying to myself and I want to look out into the world and I want people to be truthful and speak truth to me, I have to start speaking my truth, right.
And by me saying, I'm going to stop lying to myself and others because I was a criminal. Yeah, I was a criminal. I was a criminal selling drugs as a drug dealer. That whole environment. We all lie into each other. This is how it is. So I come from that environment. And then of course, that started going out into my day to day. Just small white lies every now and again. Default white lies. Yeah. Just not telling people the truth, whatever. And I just started to go, wait there. This isn't how I want to live. So that's my journey. If your listeners today are listening and they want to live more in their truth, then it starts right there. Where are you lying to yourself? Forget all the other concepts, theories and ideas. Let's go to the root of that because that will change everything.
Yeah, let's all take a deep breath to that's. Yeah, that's a profound question. Another profound question that I like to ask and ask myself is would you do this while you're alone? Would you do this in front of other people and feel good about it? Would you do this in front of your lover or your desired potential partner and feel good about it? If not, then maybe ask yourself why you're doing this thing. Do a little inquiry there. You brought up another piece of me that I want touch on, and then I want to talk about fantasy and p***, but first I want to talk about this piece around male competition in the online sphere. There's all this talk about alpha male, beta male, all this stuff. And there are, I know in my past and even still currently, I catch myself doing this where if I see a guy who has something, some sort of lifestyle thing or ability or physical possession or whatever that I want, I will other him and feel in competition with him and make him bad or something like that.
¶ How to Change Male Competition to Inspiration
And I know people have done that with me. I imagine some people might be doing that hearing what you're talking about, like, oh, they sound like they have a really great relationship with their masturbation or their sexuality or whatever bad or other, or I can distance myself. And there's a switch that I like to practice where now if I see somebody who has something that I want, maybe it's a lifestyle characteristic or it's a house or it's a physical thing or whatever, I'll notice that if I want to go into that competition realm and instead ask the question, oh, what can I actually learn from this person? And not putting myself in any sort of worth comparison, but like, oh, they have something that I don't, they've cultivated something that I haven't. Maybe they're, you know, if you're in the martial arts system, maybe they're a black belt or a brown belt, and I'm starting at a white belt in this one particular category of life, I can learn from this person.
And I think that's a really useful shift to bring into this stuff as well. We all have worked on different things in our life, different categories of things, and there's no way we would all be at the same level of development in all categories. Like, I'm above some people, I'm well below a lot of other people in a lot of other categories too. So how can we team up and how can we learn from each other in this way? And that was a big paradigm shift for me in my growth in sexuality and just as being a human. And I think it really applies to what we're talking about too.
Yeah.
Is there anything you want to speak to that before we go into the.
Yeah, I'd love to. So this is a big topic. I was having a conversation about this just yesterday with a woman female body being around also this sense of fairness. There was this topic around looking out sometimes and seeing others that have what we don't have. Or for example, the reference I was using actually, maybe it resonates here. Was there's a boxer in the MMA and he got like 100 million for one fight and that fight ended within the first minute. And I was watching something about that and I was like, wow. I mean, of course the work that goes into that and all of the other stuff that has to go in order for him to go in and have a fight for 1 minute and so on and so forth. We can break that down. But I was still thinking 100 million and I was thinking and here I am, I would like 100 grand right now.
If somebody gave me 100 grand I'd be like that would be super cool, right? Because I could turn that into some things that I'm working on right now and I could maybe put some more focus on some of the things I'm doing. I could even pay a staff member. I was just having this whole journey and she was mirroring back to me because were talking about living in the gift and she said yeah, because sounds like there's something around fairness, right? How do we accept ourselves in who we exactly are in our situation and however it is and have compassion and acceptance for our situation while at the same time looking at the unfairness or the imbalances of certain things in life without judging it and condemning it. But like you said, how do I see myself as part of that? And how can I look at that and go what's it bringing up inside of me?
And how can that be an opportunity rather than a competition but an opportunity to maybe make some choice point changes or maybe to look at where I have felt unfair in life or where I do feel lack and scarcity right now, or where I do feel maybe not what's the word? What is it when you have systems working for you and they're not maybe working as good as you would like them, it's like maybe I can look at that. Maybe my focus is not on actually having the team to help me and I'm thinking I can't have a team but rather go oh if only I could got given 100 grand. Well if I need 100 grand, what can I do right now? Or who could I be inspired by to help me to generate that 100 grand. And look at maybe what these not long going into MMA next week to have a fight with a load of members.
Do you see what I mean? So I don't know if that answers your question, but it's like rather than look it as competition, look at it like when I see that judgment or whatever that is, what is it mirroring for me and how can I bring it in as an opportunity rather than a judgment? And the very last thing I want to say on this, when I do a workshop for men, or I don't really like that word workshop, but when I do a gathering for men, one of the first things I always say is I say take a breath. Let's all take a breath. We can do it now if you want to anyway. And then I invite the men to look around the circle and we all look at each other, right? Just have a little glimpse around. No massive eye gazing at this stage.
Just looking around, and I say, let's drop in and let's create a space where none of us here are in competition with each other. Not in the competition that is derogatory or demeaning. There might be some friendly competition. We might do some games and exercises that create a little bit of friendly competition, though, that we can help each other grow, but not this. Like, I'm not here to take anything from you. I'm not here to force you to do anything, and I'm not here to judge you. I'm here for us to come together in unity so that we can grow and support one another, right? And we're not here fighting over each other's women. I'm not trying to take anything from you today, whether that be your woman or your money or anything. So if we can just throw that all out there and we can all meet beyond that space, then we can start to meet in a more equality and more reverence and more respect for one another.
Because you might not have the body I have, you might not have the money I have, you might have more, whatever. But that's how we can honor each other's diversity. And this is just how I like to open a space sometimes when we're a load of brothers in a place together.
Yeah, that's beautiful. And I think the last piece I want to add or say to it is also it's useful to accept the reality of the circumstances. Like, there's no way with my body, my life, where I am right now, that I'm going to be able to train and get to a level where I can have an MMA fight, even for $10,000.
I got $100.
Yeah, that's just my life path. That's just my life path, and it's useful to accept that. But I noticed when you spoke to, oh, this dude got $100 million for a 1 minute fight, that did activate something inside me, too, like, oh, d***, this person has cultivated a lot for himself, and wouldn't that be nice? And here's where, for me, the transmutation piece comes in. Maybe in the past, I've seen a man, and I've seen him with his girlfriend, partner, woman, wife, et cetera, and I found her attractive, and I thought, man, wouldn't it be nice? And what's actually happening there is there's a physical stimulus, physical sensation happening in my body. And I could either let it disregulate me or I could breathe with it and transmute that into desire that then turns into fuel that I could use to create whatever it is that I can create in life.
Maybe that's not $100 million for a fight in the MMA, but I can actually use my desire to create what is realistic for me to create. And that's f****** powerful. That's f****** powerful.
That's fine. And that's heating me up, as you're saying that. Literally, as you're saying that. We're quite hot in this call anyway, right? We're covering a lot of topics here. So I'm feeling fired up, as you're saying that. I'm feeling a heat in my belly, and I love that word. I know you do. The whole post around sex transmutation because we both love that book, think and grow rich, right? And the power of our intention. And this, I think, is so lovely. I know you want to move on to the other topics, and we will now, but I think this point here you've done more writing on this, but I think this for the men listening today, this thing about not giving our energy away. But seeing as Taylor says, the desire and then drawing the energy from that, of how we can cultivate just a little bit of that into whatever we're doing that is alchemy.
And that's what I want to do with this documentary, right? With this documentary that I watched. And I saw this MMA fighter and so on. Next day, I came off and I felt pumped up, right? I was like, wow. And I went to the gym, because I go to the gym myself anyway, and they showed a bit of his training, and I just noticed that I had a different level of presence with my training. It didn't mean that I'm not going to start training like him. But I was in the gym and I was like, right, there's more sharpness I can bring here. I can up my game a little bit. And that was empowering. Rather than be like, I'm never going to make 100 million, I made wrong choices in my life.
Totally. But that's a path that some people go down, and it's a path that I've gone down in my life when I've felt jealous or sad or angry. Like it's an option in the experience of life, and it sucks, and it doesn't actually serve anyone.
Thanks for speaking to that. One thing I want to say to you, thanks for speaking to that. And I love how you bring it back always to us. I've done that constantly. I just want to say that I'm not here the superior one. I've done that. You think I was an actor training as an actor for 15 years. I did acting in television, some movies, and I didn't become the successful actor that I wanted to become, right? But I became a successful actor depending on the way that you look at successful acting, right. It's all about perspective. I ended up going from zero to having a paid job in a movie for €80,000. That was the maximum money that I ever got paid as an actor, was €80,000. Now, that €80,000 was a huge achievement for me, right? But at the time, I had my eyes set on Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean.
I wanted to be Brad Pitt. I wanted to be playing in the big guns. So of course I was looking at movies and watching certain actors that I find super inspiring. And I'm like, that's not me. Right. I was often feeling that I'm not that, but in the pieces that I was playing, I was doing the best I could and people were really inspired by it. So the mind can be a very cunning tool. It can either be our servant or it can be our master. Right? So I just want to throw that piece in there because I've judged myself and put myself down and it still comes up sometimes. This comparing game is deeply embedded.
Man, this is rich. I'm glad this came up. I feel it too. I feel it too. And I noticed the time where we are in the interview, too. So I do now want to circle back around to the masturbation piece, to the self pleasure piece. And I'm curious to talk about fantasy and p*** and just so to paint the scene I'm imagining now, you are masturbating or self pleasuring, and sometimes you're touching your p****, sometimes you're touching the rest of your body. You might be in all these wild yoga poses with an erection or not. And you're totally in the practice of this. Do you have p*** playing on a large screen in the background or are you fantasizing about people? Are you just being totally present with your experience? What are your thoughts on this?
¶ Should You Watch Porn During Masturbation?
So good. I love that vision of me doing some wild yogic poses with a huge erect p****, watching a big p*** screen in the background. That sounds kind of cool, man. He's doing that out there. I'm sure it's being done as we're recording this podcast. No doubt.
No doubt.
That's warmed me up. That's tickled me, that vision. So no, I don't watch p***. But as I said to you at the beginning, Taylor, I was never really into p***. And I'm going to say thankfully, but not thankfully because I'm working with a brother right now and most men, not most, but a lot of men come to me have a p*** addiction. And way more than I even thought that p*** addiction was out there. And women as well, by the way, female body beings also have a lot of p*** addiction. Often it's like pointed, like men are just watching p***. A lot of women watch p***. Okay.
Yeah.
So just want to point that out there because it's a key fact. But I never really had the p*** addiction, so I have a gratitude for that. I had addictions in other things. Right? Because addiction is addiction. At the end of the day, I had addiction in going out there trying to attract women. So I went on a quest to sleep with 100 women and had a bet with my friend because were not into wanking. So went to sleep with 100 women. So I ended up paying for over, I would say over 50 prostitutes in the end, and then went on this quest to really sleep with 100 women. That was my kind of addiction. So I was addicted in a different way. Right, got it. But when it comes to looking at p***, that's not something I do. So I don't have p*** ever.
Playing and fantasy also, I don't know if I'm just not so visual with this, but I've spoke to somebody, I don't have so many fantasies. What does happen? I sometimes visualize certain body parts of my partner that comes up. Like, certain ways that I might touch her breast might come in sometimes, or I envision her buttocks. Or normally it's to do with the partner I'm with, but I'm very rarely going into the practice or getting stuck and thinking, oh, I need to think about somebody right now, and I need to fantasize, oh, I need to get a magazine out and be like, well, I don't have that desire or need. But again, I'm cultivating life force in a very different way. I'm not looking for anything, so I'm kind of exercising non neediness. So I don't even need p***, I don't need fantasy. I'm just there moving energy.
The energy is very neutral. I'm not even labeling the energy as erotic or arousal or it's just like I'm just being with myself and loving myself. But one thing I want to bring in for you because it might help some of the brothers on the call, there's an exercise that we teach in sexological body work and it's called healthy p*** watching. Can I just quickly describe this?
Yeah.
Taylor, is that cool?
Please?
Yes. So healthy p*** watching goes like this. And you can just start practicing today. You don't need to come back to me or Taylor, is that so you set a little intention, okay? Whatever that intention is, you're going to give yourself half an hour, 1 hour, or however much time you have. And maybe the intention is to practice holding your ejaculation or practice non neediness. I don't mind what it is, but the intention helps. Okay? Maybe it's just actually with this exercise, you could say, I'm going to practice healthy p*** watching. That's it. That's your intention? So you're going there to do healthy p*** watching, right. So what you do is you choose the p*** that you normally like, all right? And you put the p*** up, whether you have it on your TV or big screen, like Taylor said, maybe I want that big screen.
¶ Using Porn in a More Healthy Way...
That's cool. So wherever the p*** is, you put the p*** on that you like, and you just start watching the p***. Watching the p*** and noticing what's happening in the body. Keep watching the p***. Keep watching the p***. Then as you start to get aroused and you start to feel that you want touch your body or you want touch. Your lingham. Yeah. You turn the p*** off. So don't just pause it and see the p*** picture on the screen. Make sure there's nothing on the screen for a moment. Yeah. Cultivate your energy. Play with yourself if you want. Start to m*********. Play with your sexual center, whatever you're doing, okay? Maybe for three, four minutes, whatever you feel, then pause, right? People are going to be like, no, man, this is too much. Right? But pause. Put the pawn back on. Then just watch the pawn.
All right? Watch the pawn and just notice what's happening in the body.
Without touching yourself.
Without touching yourself. Without touching yourself. Yeah. So you're just watching, just witnessing. No. Okay. You can move a bit. You don't just stand there watching the screen, but you can still move your body. And maybe breathing a little bit is good, but you're just noticing. But just notice what's happening. Are the hands getting a little bit anxious? Do you want to go towards your lingamoy or what's happening? Watch the pawn. Watch the pawn. Watch the pawn. And then again, you can do this as long as you want to in the 30 minutes or 1 hour or however long you've dedicated your practice. Turn the p*** off again. Maybe you want to lay down now. Maybe you want to do something else. Come back and start playing with yourself. The reason why this is called healthy p*** watching is because what we're actually doing, we're breaking the neurological patterns of what the p*** is normally doing.
So we're not saying to you, don't watch p***. P*** is bad. You're a bad person. You should feel guilty and wrong for watching p***. We're saying, watch p***, but use p*** as a tool to support you to feel more in your body and notice the sensations that you are feeling in your body, because that's really what this is about. Yeah.
So don't get lost in the w*** while you're watching the screen.
Exactly. Don't get lost in the w*** while you're watching the screen and being disassociated from your body, because that's what happens, right? We're disassociated from our body when we're watching the p*** or we're fantasizing. And what we're saying is, use the tools if you want to bring you back into your body so you can really feel what is going on inside of you. And then when you feel complete and turn off. And I did this exercise with one brother who's using p*** a lot, and oh, no, that's the one last one tiny piece I forgot. Sorry. Taylor. You have to be standing up. You have to be standing up. If you normally lay down, you stand up, right? Meaning that you want to change the position. That's the other key point. Just a small point that I missed. So that's why we kind of position the screen high, or we put it up on the side and then basically just do this multiple times and just see what it does to your relationship to like maybe you'll be like, actually, you know what?
I started touching my body and I just didn't even turn. This is what one brother said to me. He said, I just decided not to turn the p*** back on. I was like, I didn't need it again anyway. And I just started playing with myself and I took myself to Ejaculation or I didn't. And everyone has a different relationship with it. So anyway, that's why I know where time wise is cracking on. So I want to leave it there. But it's called healthy p*** watching.
Yeah, no, that's awesome. Thanks so much for speaking to that. And yeah, the intentional separation of the receiving the stimulation and watching the body and then splitting to go self pleasure while having that internal awareness seems like the crucial and powerful piece too. And it is really breaking that pattern. Because when I think of all the times in the past when I've gotten into habitual, unhealthy p*** watching, like, I'll just get lost in it, just staring at the screen, my hand moving up and down. It's not an embodied experience. I'm not aware at all of what's happening in my body. I'm just like just in a weird f****** hole of time and somewhat embodied pleasure that ultimately doesn't feel that great end result.
And every man last piece on this, every man that I've shared this with, and one guy that is quite full on, I mean, he's masturbating multiple times a day. I've met some men, brother, they tell me they m********* five times a day. And I have no clue how that happens because I don't m*********. And I'm like, wow, how do they even fit that in? But anyway, one guy said to me, I asked him, does he ever feel content after watching the p*** and masturbating? And he said, no. And he's been doing it for 20 years, right? So just let that in. So when I gave him this healthy p*** watching, he said, look, I'm not going to yeah, exactly. Let's let that in. Yeah, 20 years, right? And then when I gave him the healthy p*** watching and told him, we're not going to condemn you for watching the p***.
It's okay, watch the p***, right? But start to let's start to understand what you're doing whilst you're watching the p***. And then the last piece I wanted to say is we do something called Erotic Journaling. So it's really important if you feel like it, if any of the brothers listening today feel like it, get yourself a journal. Call it your Erotic Journal, call it whatever you want, and basically do this healthy p*** watching or any form of self pleasure masturbation. And take some notes at the end and the notes you want to be taken at the end. You want to write down your challenges, your resistances, and your treasures. I call the treasures, the insights. So you got challenges, resistances, which is kind of comes under the same thing, but you'll notice there'd be certain resistances popping up and then your treasures, your insights. Now, if you write these things down over a long period of time, you start to notice patterns in your own blocks to your own sexuality.
You start to see things and storylines coming up. And this is kind of a way of doing self therapy through writing with the self pleasure. I'm going to leave it there.
Well, I don't want to leave it there. Can you give an example? An example of a challenge and then a resistance just so I have an idea of what you're talking about?
¶ Erotic Journaling Techniques for Self-Growth
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, okay, so I set the space. I know I'm going to do my self pleasure. And I noticed some of the resistances come up, are surfing on the mobile phone and start noticing that all of a sudden I've got to start doing stuff. I'm going to come and be with myself to do this kind of new practice or whatever I call it. And then I notice that I start putting my focus elsewhere as if this stuff is more important than this self pleasure and self love, which I know is really the access point to my own freedom. Right. So this is one way. Mobile phone is a big one. Or they start to come up with certain reasons why you can't do it. It's too warm in the room. Or, you know, why it's not feeling right today. Or, oh, I heard somebody outside, I'm going to be too noisy.
You know what? Maybe I'll do it another day when I've got more time. Yeah, that kind of vibe, right? Certain things like that come up. Yeah. Then what did you ask? The challenge or the challenge?
Challenge.
So the challenge is to do something different than what you normally do. Right, like we said, to break the pattern. So if I'm asking you to practice some breathing exercises or I'm saying, okay, so before you touch yourself today, you're going to just do some breathing first. Just do some circular breathing. Maybe do a little bit of fire breath or whatever, certain breathing patterns, or even focus on your breath whilst you're playing with yourself. So just notice what's happening to your breath when you start playing with yourself. This might just be one exercise. And of course, the challenge is, no, I don't want to do that. I want to just do what I normally do. This could be one challenge. Another challenge is just anytime we need to do something different, like to break a comfort zone or to change a comfort zone, we need a lot of determination and a lot of self motivation.
So the challenge is self motivation. Right. The challenge is like, oh, can I really motivate myself to do something different right now? Anyway, these are a couple beautiful.
Thank you.
A couple of main ones.
Last short topic to close it up, just to circle back around to something you said earlier on, is this piece around ejaculatory choice, conscious ejaculation. And I think this is a really crucial piece. A lot of guys, when they m********* or have sex, they just habitually go straight towards the ejaculation. And what I heard you say is when you're talking about your experiences, you may not ejaculate for a while, but you do still enjoy ejaculation, but you don't need to. So you've relieved the pressure of needing to. So you can choose to at a time that feels right versus getting hooked by this biological impulse, by this potentially self protective psychological impulse. There's so many reasons why you might get hooked, but making the conscious embodied choice to actually do it versus getting hooked seems just like a really important distinction to end on. And I'm wondering if there are any closing thoughts you want to add around this conscious ejaculation piece.
¶ Conscious Ejaculation (Intentional Release)
Yeah, I love this. I remember a video you did on YouTube about this. So beautiful. And we could do a whole podcast on this. I'm sure you have, maybe with some other brothers. First of all, what I love is I don't ejaculate sometimes for one month, maybe six weeks. Sometimes I ejaculate three times in two days. And usually that's with my partner. So I very rarely ejaculate when I m*********. Now when I'm with myself, because when I'm with myself, I cultivate the energy, I bring it in. I know it's doing good for my health. I know it's doing good for my focus, my alertness, my productivity. I know it's doing good for how present I am with my partner, with my work and everything else. And I know it's giving me health benefits. Now, I'm 46 years old now. So I'm also mindful, I think you've spoken about this sometimes about a lot of people talk about how much energy is in the sperm itself when we just ejaculate.
And just for the sake of it, I'm giving that energy out for no real reason. So one of the practices I do as well with my self pleasure is I do sex magic. So I have symbols that I work with and with those symbols, they mean certain feelings and they mean certain productivity in my life. So what I do is I visualize that symbol when I'm making love with myself or with my partner. It can be as well, but I do it more in myself and in my meditation so that's when I'm not even touching myself in my meditation. If anybody knows Joe Dispenza meditations, you'll know a bit more about what I'm talking about here, but we won't go into this today. But the point is about having an intention with your life force energy and where you're putting your focus. So for me, if I'm even ejaculating and cultivating energy regardless of where I ejaculate in my self pleasure journey.
I'm bringing it into creativity. I'm bringing that life force energy into purpose. Right? So that's one thing I'm doing. So that's another reason that I don't just ejaculate and just whatever. Yeah, it's just another I've done a lot of in my time when I didn't even want to in my premature ejaculation days, enough of it was happening like that. But the last piece I want to say to you on this is.
What.
I do now with my ejaculation. And this was a changer for me. I drink my ejaculation. Yeah. Okay. So I love that response. I drink my own ejaculation, and I drink that because what started to happen for me is I started to notice some years ago that I still had this kind of dislike to my sperm, as if it comes out and it's like, oh, it's come out. And I still noticed I was having a little bit of almost guilt about, oh, I ejaculated, right, linked to my earlier days. So I started to go, hey, this is my life elixir. This is my life force. This is what can create new life, pro life. This has got power in it. And if I want my partner to drink my elixir and over the years, I've had many different women drinking my elixir, right? And I'm not going to drink it and taste it and absorb it and take that energy, then it felt hypocrisy for me.
It felt like I'm being a hypocrite, right? So what I started to do is I started to receive it and use it as a massage, as an elixir on my body, and then also drinking it, and then also using it as an elixir, enduring love making as well. So if it comes out, and we use it in the love making, and the love making can continue as well. It's not like I've ejaculated, so I have to go to sleep now, and that's it. It's all over. Maybe it turns into a celebration of that elixir. Maybe there's a little rest, maybe there's not. Maybe there's just a continuation with other ways of exploring love making. This was a shift for me. Does that answer the question? But that's like, kind of brings in this sense of really honoring this elixir of life, basically.
Beautiful. Thank you. Thanks for sharing that. I've done that too. And I find it to be a really powerful experience. And I am at the point now where if and when I do ejaculate, I want it to go into something meaningful. I don't like it to go into a toilet or on into a tissue. And so usually I choose to ejaculate with my partner, and she will take it into her body in some way. That's my favorite way to do it these days. And it feels like it really honors what comes out of my body and honors the process. And it feels like a really powerful thing to share with a lover as well. When I approach it with that perspective versus like, oh, this is just some spunk that comes out of me, it's like, oh, no, actually approach this with reverence because it's powerful, right?
Yeah. What you bring in there is so beautiful. And I tell you why is that as a woman, I know she's a witcher and she works with sexuality and she talks a lot about the different liquids that our body is secreting and the information that they hold. And she works with the cervix, right? And when you work with the cervix deeply, you can have profound transcendental experiences and there's often a little elixir that comes out of the cervix. And of course, the yoni in itself, the yoni verse secretes many different liquids, whether it be the female ejaculate, the cervix secreting, the clitoral, the lubrication of the labia. It's like there's so much liquidation happening and that's information. So the more that a yoni is softening and opening, the more information is coming, right? And this is same for the lingam, but the lingam is taking time that you and your lover are building up.
You're building up. You're cultivating that life force juice inside. So I love what you said. So when it comes out, if you've taken that amount of time to cultivate and to brew up some delicious soup or something like that, you want to savor it, right? So if we're cultivating the energy throughout the day, throughout the week, and we're building it up and then it comes and listen to this, the word, it comes. Here it comes. It's like we're waiting for this elixir to come. Here it comes. And then if it comes, it was like, hey, here it comes. All right, Chow, mate, throw him in the bin. We just took an hour and a half to build you up and we're just going to throw you away. It's like, now we're going to celebrate you, right? So anyway, that's the piece I want to bring.
And when it comes to kissing, saliva, tears from the eyes, releasing cortisol, sweat glands, I mean, this is the liquid of information. This is our waters. So I would just end us today saying that, please, brothers, honor, if you're with male or female lovers, it doesn't matter. Whatever liquids are arising, sweat, saliva, sperm, all of the juices. Like, listen to the word juices. Juicy, savor it, enjoy it. Yeah. That's what's alive in me.
Beautiful. Thank you so much. And in case you don't know if you're listening, the words yoni and lingham are words for v***** and p**** in another system of thought. So just to clarify that, man, Simon, thank you so much for this conversation. It has been awesome. There's been so many useful pieces in here and inspirational pieces for me, too, I noticed. I feel lit up after this conversation, so thank you so much for having it. And if anybody wants to get in touch with you, to work with you, or to see what you're working on, how can they find you?
How can they find me? I have a couple of websites and I'm on Instagram, but my website is Simontransparently.com, and also I have a retreat called Nakedretreat.com. Nakedretreat.com is a kind of ten day journey. We go into all aspects of our being, stripping away what we don't need. And Simon, Transparently is kind of my little portal. And then the same on Instagram is Simon underscore Transparently. So these are some of the ways you can stay connected.
Awesome. Thank you so much. And I'll put all of those in the show notes and the description, if you're watching this on YouTube. And I'll put a guide in there for how to avoid blue balls, too, because we both talked about going for extended periods of time without ejaculating. It's a useful thing. And yeah, man, thank you just so much. I feel like this is such an awesome conversation. We should do a follow up one in the future at some point. But thank you. Thank you for listening.
I was just going to say, if your viewers have a topic in this conversation that they would like further elaboration on, send Taylor some messages. And I am totally happy to elaborate on and be more streamlined on a specific topic, if that serves your community. Just leave it there.
Same. Perfect. That's what I was going to say. If you're listening, watching on YouTube, thank you. Yes. Do what Simon said. Let us know, and I hope you all have a beautiful rest of your day. Thank you so much for being here. Peace.