Sexual Attraction VS Energetic Attraction

A podcast for men, all about sex, where we'll combine real, authentic down to earth conversations about sex with some pretty wild, personal stories and practical, how to episodes as well to help you have the most amazing sex life you can possibly have. My name is Taylor, and I'll be your host on this journey and in each episode it's my goal to give you practical, actionable things that you can start doing today to improve your sex life and to improve your entire life.

So let's begin today's episode by taking a deep breath in together through the nose... And exhale with a audible sigh You friend for being here. And let's begin today's episode. Hello friend. And welcome back to the Eros Rising podcast. I'm joined here again with my friend, John Handleman. Thanks for being here, John. Thanks

So if you've ever been curious about what sexual energy is, if you've ever been curious about how to feel that in your body, hopefully this story will answer some of those questions and give you a pretty wild experience just to think about as

It seems like I just in not knowing anything about the story that you step a bit out of that conventional

realm.

I was living on this island called COFA , go in Thailand. I think that's how you pronounce it. I've heard a lot of different pronunciations. It's a small island in Thailand and a lot of people have called it tantra island in the past because there's so many different tantra workshops that happen there at least pre COVID . I'm not sure how it is right now. Um , but back when I was there, there was a different tantra training every single day.

Like maybe four of them happening at once, you know, around this island, in addition to ecstatic dance, kick cow ceremonies, like all those things, you know, it's like the scene for that with people coming from all around the world, really interesting melting pot of people. And they had ecstatic dance there multiple times a week. One of those dances was in a pyramid in the middle of a jungle

Everybody's like dancing around, going crazy sweats flying, you know, then it comes down the other side. And a lot of times people end up laying on the ground at the end and really peaceful music. And the idea is just to be really embodied and out of your head just to get into your animalistic self and to, to be with whatever comes up. So crying is encouraged. You know, screaming is encouraged as long as you're not in somebody's face doing it to them.

Like as long as you're in your own process and aware of what you're doing. So this really beautiful experience and on this island, they have multiple of them each week. And hundreds of people show up to these things, you know? So imagine you're at this ecstatic dance in a jungle, in a pyramid, a screened in pyramid. And there's hundreds of people there. And I see this guy and there's this guy dancing with a woman and they're dancing super sexually. And I'm like, oh, cool.

Like , that's, that looks fun. And I find her really attractive shortly thereafter. I see him dancing with another really attractive woman in this really sexual way. And I immediately was triggered and I was like, who the is this guy? You know, like, is he some sort of sexual predator? Do I need to be watching out for him? Like what's happening? You know? And I notice it, it happens again and I'm like, this guy's bad, this guy's bad news.

But then I notice also that all these women are really enjoying dancing with him. You know, they're fully in it and they're smiling and they're, they don't even seem trapped at all. They're like, they're in the experience. And so I realized like, oh, I'm triggered because I want that, you know, I want that experience.

And this guy, his name is lion . I ended up actually doing an interview with him on this podcast as well. So you can check it out and it's all about embodiment. Um, but I met him and he ended up being somebody who was teaching a workshop on that island around dance. And it was kind of like a dance play party, sort of a thing. It was an opportunity to explore sex and dance. And I thought, okay, I'm triggered by this guy, but also I wanna learn from him. I wanna see what I can learn from him.

I'm sure there's something valuable, like can gain from this experience of going to this workshop. And so I went by the way side note, I think it's a , a useful thing to realize, like we can learn from people, even if we don't agree with everything that they say, or we don't agree with how they show up everywhere. And that's a practice that I try to do or live by.

So went to this workshop and soon as I get in there, I do the thing that I've done many times, which is scanning the room, oh , who's attractive here. Who do I want to dance with? Who do I want to explore sexy dancing with, you know, notice a few people like, all right , cool. Like there's some people I'm attracted to here. Great. And he's guiding us through these processes to start off the dance.

Um , just slow moving by ourselves, getting into our bodies, shaking our shoulders, shaking our hips, doing just normal, basic dance, embodiment, warmup stuff. And he has us walk around the room and then he has us pay attention to the people that we're attracted to, and to notice them not stare at them, but make a note of them in our minds while we're moving through the room, like start to pay attention to your attraction, start to notice what that feels like in your body.

You know, are you making plans? Are you making ideas of how you want to approach them? This sort of thing? You know, which most of us do in contexts like that. And then he had us just continue to dance by our ourselves. And at one point he had us stop physically freeze our bodies on the dance floor. And he had us stay there for a moment in stillness to notice all the sensations that we were feeling in our bodies.

And then he asked us to pay 10 mention to our attraction again, you know, and then to see if we could intentionally let that go, like shake it outta your body a little bit. You know, come back to yourself, come back to your body, come back to your breath. And we all took a breath.

And then while we were still frozen state, he asked us to close our eyes and imagine that we were dancing and try to feel that we were dancing as if we were an energetic body dancing outside of our physical body, just for the sake of imagination to see if we could do it just for the practice of attuning, our awareness to the subtle layers of things that were happening. And so I stayed there perfectly still.

And I, I started to imagine myself dancing and I'm doing it right now with my eyes closed. As I'm telling this story, and I'm feeling myself sway to the left and to the it. And if you're listening right now, I invite you to try it too. Just keep your body still, as long as you're not driving or , or walking. And see if you can imagine yourself dancing in different directions.

And what you might notice is there's actually something, there, there are actually feelings to be felt in that imaginative experience. And some people would call this your energy body, whether or not you want to believe that is up to you. But what you can probably experience is that there are some SA some sensations there that are real when you start to pay attention to that level,

So slowly, we started to move throughout the room guided by this, this energetic pull of our energy body dancing. And I'm just use that term for the sake of the ease of this story. Uh , our energetic body. I started to move around the room guided by my energetic body. And it was a really cool exploration that felt slow and sensual and , uh, deep and powerful, deep and powerful too.

And then he had us notice us , you know, okay, while you're moving through the room, notice who your energetic body is feeling drawn to your energetic

body has a different level of attraction than your physical body. And so even if you come into close contact with, or step in front of somebody who you were physic attracted to, or who you thought you were attracted to pay attention to the deeper levels of what's going on there, pay attention to your energetic body, pay attention to that part of you. That's moving subtly underneath everything to see if you actually really want to dance with these people.

And then if your energetic body feels a pull , then sure, go down . Answer with them , started to explore. But if not, don't do it just because you think they're hot. You know? And so it was a really fascinating experience for me because I went, I made my way around the room and then this woman and I, who I thought she was really attractive, like, and I'm just gonna use the stereotypical term hot, you know, I was like, oh, she's hot. And we stood right across from each other.

And I'm looking at this like physically gorgeous person and there's zero energetic charge there and I'm like, holy. There's no draw in me whatsoever to dance with this woman at all. And so rather than thinking about it, I just moved on. I was like, okay, I'm gonna listen. I'm gonna listen. I moved around the room. Some more, came into contact with another woman who I thought was attractive, noticed that there wasn't really a charge there either.

And me, meanwhile, some people are starting to connect on the dance floor in physical bodies, but still while paying attention to this energetic level.

And then I come around this corner, you could say of the dance, the people on the dance floor. And there's this older woman in there, the oldest woman in the room, I don't know how old she was, late sixties, early, mid seventies, something like that. And I noticed that my energy body just felt very drawn to her. There was this like gravitational PO force that was pulling me towards her and we made eye contact. And I could tell that she was feeling that way too.

This is somebody who I would never find physically attractive in that way. But from ,

And so on this dance floor, this all older woman and I, we start to dance together in our physical bodies guided by our energy bodies. And we start to have this really sexy dance and we're all up on each other, like breathing, smelling each other, like grinding on each other, like she's pushing her hips and her back into my pelvis. And we're doing like thrusting and animalistic grinding motions on the dance floor, you know? And I'm starting to get aroused with this woman.

And this is invited just for clarity. This is invited in the space and it's all talked about. Boundaries are talked about front . So this is a safe experience to explore this kind of stuff in this particular container, cuz we're all there for that purpose

You know, no no, but there I was there, I was in this experience and it was super erotic and it was safe and it was beautiful. And I learned some really, I was a huge learning experience from me about, you know, like what is sexual attraction? What is energetic attraction? And what do I have to do with that? You know? Like, does it need to lead lead towards actual physical penetrated, genitally focused sex? No, absolutely not.

But for all intensive purposes, this woman and I, we had sex on the dance floor, you know, we've been basically that dance experience was far more erotic and connective than a , a , a vast number of actual penetrative sex experiences that I've had, you know?

Mm-hmm but I think this is, I think this discrepancy or when that doesn't happen is the source of a lot of hard and turmoil in, in relationships that start because people don't think about, and I didn't used to think about this. I used to get into a relationship with somebody because, oh, I liked them. I like who they stand for. And I think they're hot. Mm-hmm , not like really tuning into the deeper levels of what's going on there. You know?

Sure. Most people can probably relate to that on some , some level, you know, on some level. And so throughout

the rest of that dance workshop there, like this woman and I had our dance and then a number of songs went on and then I moved on and I ended up having this other dance experience with this guy. And my energetic body was drawn to this guy. And for everyone listening, just for the record, I am heterosexual. I've never had penetrative sex with a guy I'm like super attracted to women.

And in this moment my energy body was drawn to go to explore this guy, like move past the hot women and go dance with this guy. And so I did, and it was a different quality of dance that I experienced with him, but it was a really, really cool just embodied , uh , almost like a wrestling kind of dance connection, you know, where we got to really explore. This was a strong, a strong guy.

And we got to explore like being in strong bodies together and like grabbing each other's arms and, and jumping away from each other while holding on using our strength to keep ourselves connected and our , you know, playing with our body weight and rolling on each other and lifting each other up and having this really cool, kind of like almost a wall warrior style vibe of brotherly love, connection dance that was sensual, but not sexual, you know, and it was a really beautiful experience for me

too, because touch with men is rare, you know, and for the majority of my previous life, like it meant bad, had scary things, you know, or like, oh, if I touch a man, that means I'm gay. You know, if I hug a man for too long, that means I'm gay, or that means X, Y, and Z, or I like him, or he likes me or et cetera , et cetera , et cetera .

And this was in the, you know, the phases of my journey of opening myself up to vulnerability and connection and turns out like being able to be physical with men in non-sexual is this deeply nurturing and nourishing and revitalizing in a way that dancing with a woman could never be, you know, and there's like a beautiful, powerful safety there that feels really good.

You know, it might mean we need to collaborate on something or life wants us to build something together. You know, attraction doesn't always mean sex.

And this was a big learning experience of that phase of my life also, and taking a step back and starting to notice where those threads of energetic attraction were in my life to different people, men, women, elderly people, younger people, because it almost always meant that there was something useful that would come from our connection just as humans, even , maybe that would be as simple as having a conversation at a coffee shop and both realize that we were able to share a really useful

resource with the other person, or maybe make an introduction, you know, to them like introduce them to another person that we were close to that really catalyzed something big in their life in some way. And so it's been a really cool process of listening to that deeper layer of what's going on.

And it's this really cool way of noticing how different people's bodies interact together, but also noticing how the different like energetic attractions exist or don't exist. And you'll probably find that with some people who you think are really physically attractive, there's no energetic charge at all. And maybe you have some people who you don't find physically attractive, and there's a strong, energetic attraction.

And if you find somebody who you are really physically attracted to, and there's an energetic attraction, then ask 'em out on a date, you know, , mm-hmm , pay attention to that. Pay attention to that. Mm-hmm and that's something I've , I've been taking some more partner dance classes lately, and I love it. I absolutely love it. And it's a really cool way to explore that realm.

And I also wanted to say like , if you are in a romantic relationship or a partnership, a really cool exercise to do, to begin to explore these things is next time you're gonna have sex with your partner. You definitely wanna talk about this beforehand, but maybe you both listen to this episode together and agree

to try this. So you , you can lay in bed and sometimes it can help to start with your eyes closed, like lay together and start to do that same and experiment that we did on the dance floor. Just start to move your energetic body and, or just imagine moving your body without moving your physical body.

Then both of you start doing that together and then allow that to lead the sexual experience, allow that to lead the sexual experience versus going into the typical sexual of patterns that you normally go into. And that we all do. We all are creatures of habit. We all default to our sexual norms, you know, but I think you'll be really surprised at the magic that you'll discover if you start from that slow place of deep listening.

And that doesn't mean you can't get into the wild realms of animalistic and like going down on each other and like, ah , you know, spanking and slapping, but it just means, listen, on a deep level to where your systems want to go versus directing it with your mind or your physical body, just as an experiment to see what happens.

And I think ecstatic dance is a great way to explore those things too , within a certain degree, like you gonna be able to grind to that extent and like bite each other and smell each other in that same animalistic way, because it's not the appropriate, you know, event for that sort of thing. But you can still dance with people and explore like physical touch and explore the different kinds of energetic attraction you have with people.

Like we go to ecstatic dance here often, almost every week and like we've danced together before and it's really sweet and there's, it's just always an interesting exploration.

And then I think through the experience of opening ourselves up, we realized that there was actually like an energetic pull to go toward each , go towards each other. And that was cool too. Cuz there was almost, I think honestly there was probably part of me too, that was maybe a little at pushing back on the physical attraction thing just to pay attention to it.

But when I softened and really opened to that realm, I realized, oh, there's this person who I feel a physical attraction for and energetic attraction. And we had a really sweet, sexy dance. And then a few weeks later we became actual physical lovers and there was a beautiful connection there, but I , but it was cool establish that first on the dance floor and realized , oh this exists on both levels.

So then when we met up on the beach, you know, a week later, like that was that that foundation was already there in some way, you know , check . All right . So thank you all for listening to this episode. Thank you again, draw on for being here. Um , if anything, in this episode stuck out for you, like shoot me a message. Let me know if it hit you. If it impacted you in some way, I'd love to hear and take a screenshot of this episode, share it on Instagram.

If you want, please tag me if you do, I will say thank you. And if you like this episode and you want to go deeper into the realms of energetic attraction and embodiment and the wild sort of ah , like animalistic fiery, just kind of dance and movement and embodiment. And as a man or as a human, then check out the other episode on this podcast I did with lion about energetic attraction and sexual energy. It's an awesome interview. And I think you'll really dig it.

And if you wanna check out anything about ecstatic dancer , energetic attraction or anything like that, I'll put some cool resources in the show notes as well. So definitely check out the show notes for this episode and yeah, with that, I'll say cheers to your success, to your pleasure. And I will see you in the next episode. Thank you friend for listening to this episode, have one request before you go.

If you got something useful, if you got something valuable from this episode, please take a moment right now to go to apple or Spotify and leave a review of this podcast. That'll be really, really helpful. It'll do two things. Number one, it'll let me know that you actually like this podcast. Number two, it'll help more people find this podcast. And I think that's really important because I believe we all need to be talking about sex more.

So the more I share it, the more you share it , the more we all talk about this, the better everyone's lives will become all around the world. So thank you. Thank you for sharing this wherever you share it. Thank you for your review. And if there was anything about this episode that really hit you, that really struck you or impacted you, please shoot me a message too on Instagram or with an email and let me know. I'd love to hear how this has impacted your life. So thank you. Thank you.

Thank you again. Cheers to your success. Cheers. To pleasure. And I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.