Hello, friend, and welcome back to the podcast. This episode today is a special and unique episode because it is a follow up conversation to a conversation I had in episode 16 with a friend of mine named banks who was really struggling with premature ejaculation, and we wanted to have a before and after conversation before he went through my Orgasmic Mastery course and afterwards.
And so if you haven't listened to the first conversation, it's called The Shame of Premature Ejaculation, then this episode won't really make so much sense. So I encourage you to go back and listen to that episode and then come back here and we can dive in, especially if the topic of premature ejaculation is something that you want to understand more. And maybe this is something that you're dealing with, maybe this is something you want to overcome yourself.
And the good news is that it is 100% possible to overcome this and have an amazing sex life. And I hope that in hearing this follow up conversation, you'll get an idea of some of the things that are possible. And I'll leave it at that for now and let banks speak for himself. So thank you so much again for being here . And let's get into today's , Sometimes starting these podcasts can be an interesting experience.
, just for transparency, I'm here in my house again in Asheville with banks, and this is a follow up conversation from a few months ago. And we tried a few different intros and both felt like we were in our heads . So we just did some pushups and sit ups and moved our bodies and shook our bodies a little bit.
And it occurred to me while we were doing that, that probably one of the reasons why we were so heady and possibly felt awkward is because what we're really showing up for here in this podcast right now is authentic conversation versus trying to teach something or trying to teach a topic. You know, we're here to actually have conversation and see what's really alive right now as a follow up from earlier.
And so going towards authenticity is a different experience than trying to teach a bullet list of topics. And I think, I don't know if this resonates with you banks, but this hit me when I was doing plank pose . Totally . Yeah. So welcome back. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it was, it's an honor to be here with you. And I wanna say thank you so much for having the first conversation that we had together because it was really impactful.
I re-listed to it again this morning before recording now, and yeah, I was, I was deeply moved by the things that you shared and your vulnerability and also my own experiences in the past of pain too , that I could resonate with. And I'm wondering, before we get into everything, like what was that like for you to have that conversation and the follow up and everything that came afterwards?
Yeah. I, I was pretty anxious. I remember arriving at your house and feeling awkward and shy , um, and nervous and a little different than just dropping in one on one . Having the microphones here and knowing that it's going out to the public and it's something Tinder about me. Um, and following the conversation, a lot of insecurities come , came up. I was like, at the farmer's market and wondering, does this person know? Does , does this person, have they heard the podcast?
Do they know this about me? And , um, really had to live with that, and it was really empowering. Um , and another thing that came up was with my partner, I created this story and fear that someone would try to have a leg up on me Mm . And try to get with her mm-hmm . . Um , and so I was scared of losing her, like on the double Yeah. With , with myself and then having other people know about it and not really knowing who knew.
And it was really empowering to, to live with that, to really say, This is what's going on with me.
Yeah . How so?
The course held, like doing it before and after mm-hmm . , um, holds me accountable to showing up for myself and really putting my insecurities out to this podcast, to whoever listens. Uh , it's different than having a one-on-one intimate conversation.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. . Definitely. So the experience of being vulnerable and knowing this is going out to the world came with anxiety, but also was an empowering experience because you were able to just own the reality of who you are. Is that what I'm hearing?
And no hiding. Yeah. So there's an opening and an accepting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it looks like that podcast was listened to by people in maybe a hundred different countries at this point, which is pretty amazing. You know, it's amazing. And, and yeah, I recognize and feel the anxiety of vulnerability sometimes and the anxiety of the reveal, you know, revealing something that's shameful and or that you felt shame around. And also just like, it's such a gift though.
It's such a gift because all of us hold some sort of shadow or shame or something that we would not want to announce to the world, you know, that would be terrifying to say to the world. I'm sure everybody listening right now, you have something that you would never want to get on a mic and talk about publicly.
Do it,
You know, if you're gonna do it, like, make sure you have the resources to care for yourself afterwards. For sure. And like a lot of people have vulnerability hangovers. Um, that's, and sometimes it can actually be damaging to do that, but it sounds like for you, you were in a place, you were seeing a therapist, you had good friends of support, and you had a context that allowed you to feel safe enough to share what you shared and then to not be destroyed afterwards.
Definitely. Uh , there are people in my life that I've shared a lot of what I shared on the last podcast with, and they're still here.
Yeah. Yeah. And I wanna say that I got a lot of emails and messages from people saying, Wow, thank you so much for this podcast. I've never heard any men talk about this before. Like, I've never heard any man share openly about his experience in the way that y'all just had that conversation. Mm . And that was like deeply moving for them. And I know that it was deeply moving for a lot more people that didn't email. So, yeah. Thank you.
Yeah. Thanks for sharing that.
For sure. Yeah. So it was maybe three months ago, something like that. We did our first conversation. And just as a refresher, can you remind us briefly, like what was the context of your life at that point in sex and in general?
Yeah. Um, I carry a lot of shame around premature ejaculation and my worth as a man and as a human. I make that experience and the shame that I feel through it, a part of like who I am. Um, and I struggle in my relationship to feel solid because of the way that I show up sexually. At least I have. Yeah . Uh , and think, because I think this way about myself, I project onto others that they see me in this way mm-hmm. . Um, so it's pretty, it's been pretty challenging.
Got it. Mm-hmm.
.
And so that was the context then. Would you say that through the, through the therapy, through this , the orgasmic mastery course, through your life in general? Like, have things changed in these past three months, or would you say you're still in the same place you were?
Things have changed, definitely.
Well , that's good.
, ,
Uhhuh ,
I feel like I have a , a better foundation on how to grow sexually. Mm-hmm . . And I've had way more incredible experiences. I feel like I'm , I have a better control over my, which leads to more connection during my sexual experiences with my partner and have started to explore more role play kink. Um, I got a butt plug, I got two butt plugs.
Nice.
. Yeah. And I'm, I feel much more confident in myself in , in the bedroom, and that's exciting. Yeah.
Yeah . Yeah. What's exciting about it?
I can show up with confidence knowing that I can have a powerful experience and not just enter the space thinking I'm gonna come or at she's not gonna love me, or whatever the stories are , um, afterwards.
yeah. for that. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah . And because of the opening, you're able to more easily explore all these other things, it sounds like. Mm-hmm.
. Yeah.
That's awesome. Um, I'm gonna put you on the spot. You can say no, but would you share a bit about asexual experience that was like really enlivening or meaningful for
You? I will. All right . Yeah. I could share about a few. Um,
What's one that comes up first?
The first one is we did a practice from your course that was a 30 minute practice, and it was 10 minutes of me asking for what I want and 10 minutes of my partner asking for what she wants, and then 10 minutes of deep breathing together in the yk position. And she, she went first and we played with this edge of her having a partner and not being able to, and we're not supposed to kiss, like there's a boundary, but getting really close to that edge. Mm .
Oh, so you're the person who she's not supposed to kiss? Correct.
Okay. Okay. Yeah . So it's like a little mini role play . Yeah. And for me it was similar, but I was right at the edge of her vagina and wasn't allowed to go in, was the role or the agreement. Um , and then we did the deep breathing together. And I've never explored roleplay and just something about that, like that light introduction, I took a load off and I felt so much more comfortable and safe. And I don't even remember worrying about. I don't remember if I did or not.
It was a couple months ago. And afterwards we had a deeper discussion about our own kinks, and I recognized I have this deep desire to be desired. Mm . And how that sometimes gets in the way of me and , uh, my other relationships with women and how that can impact my partner. And really clearly seeing it and feeling comfortable enough to go there. I, I broke out into tears and how it's impacted me and my life and my partner and my former partners. It was profound.
Wow.
Mm-hmm. .
And that brings up a really important point, and it's one of the reasons I'm so interested in doing work around sexual , um, awakening, you could call it, or integrative sexuality. And it's that like , yeah, we all know how to put our penises in holes, you know, but , there's like, there's so much more involved that can be unveiled and uncovered and integrated through doing some of these practices. So that's awesome to hear that you discovered that through the conversation.
And would you say that through that conversation it shifted in some ways?
Definitely. Yeah. And we're , we've had other role play experiences that have been profound, and I've turned into a , like what felt like a completely different creature. Mm . Um , and her as well. And we are just, I'm getting more and more comfortable with her and with myself through kind of pushing our own edge mm-hmm . of what we thought was possible. And I feel like I've literally opened up to this world that I had no exa idea existed.
That's awesome. Uhhuh . Yeah. You're speaking to a , uh, there's a thread that I'm feeling from what you're saying right now and from a few things you said in our last conversation. And this thread is around freedom. Freedom and personal ease and personal power, personal sovereignty.
I remember in our last conversation you talked about a period of time where your partner was out of town and you did a lot of self-pleasure during that time, a lot of self-pleasure, and you really like came into yourself in this new way. And then when she came back, you were so just mm , like in yourself that you were not worried about at all and you had an amazing sexual experience mm-hmm . or multiple mm-hmm .
, I don't remember exactly, but you came in with this freedom and ease and sort of, that was , uh, that made it possible to have an amazing experience. It sounds like a similar thing was happening here, like because of the role player or whatever, maybe possibly the work you did, there was this freedom and ease that you felt that allowed you to more easefully have an amazing sexual experience. Mm-hmm. and I , this freedom and ease piece is, is really important.
You know, it's really important, and I'm just gonna take another 30 seconds to talk about it, because if we're not feeling free and easeful, if we're feeling tense in our body and we're worrying about not or anything that's gonna cause constriction in our body, and it's gonna lead us towards and it's gonna lead us to have not as beautiful of a connected experience with our partners. So yeah. I'm happy to hear this thread coming through.
Yeah. And I can also just say I started having migraines while I was taking the course in the screen. The computer screen was a big trigger for it. And I actually didn't do the last two weeks of the course, the ninth and 10th week. And I noticed a big change in how our relationship sexually was and how I was shown up to it.
I began to, I mean, there was a discomfort in my body, but also I began to show up with more tension, not taking the course and not like learning new things about my sexuality and , um, staying focused with that, that I began to like, have the premature ejaculation come through again. Mm . Mm-hmm.
Interesting. Mm-hmm. . Cool. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that piece. Yeah . There was a piece you shared , um, last episode as well. Well, let's see how to, I'm gonna go a direction you can tell me to stop if , if you want. Um , but I know your partner and she's a very, I'd call her a powerful woman. Mm-hmm . , like she does some pretty amazing work in the world and she's like a Yeah.
She's a powerhouse of a woman and they're , there is this thing that can happen sometimes where if we're with somebody that's powerful and we're not doing as much of our own internal practice or work or, or working out in whatever way you want to call it, either physically or energetically or emotionally, that sometimes we can be drawn into or merge with them in some way.
And I don't know if that's what happened for you, but I'm thinking back to different experiences in my life where I stopped doing practices that were good for me. And therefore the differentiation between myself and my partner kind of faded a little bit and therefore my sexual abilities faded a little bit because I didn't feel as useful and powerful going into this sexual experience. I'm wondering if that resonates for you or
Not. 1000%. And I'm also reading this book by Esther Perel called Mating in Captivity. Oh yeah. And she you read it . Yeah . She talks about separation, creating desire and making, like making spaciousness for a desire mm-hmm. . And it's a great time for me to be reading that book. Um, so I totally agree.
Yeah. And I will say with three things that I've learned in sex therapy and also a lot that I've learned from your course, I still have a better sense of my arousal and know when I'm getting to my edge. And the , the challenge in , in the past couple weeks has been more about the urge to and how can I shift into connection, sex as connection, and not just my primal urge to.
Yeah. And having that awareness is, is the thing that allows for that to happen. Mm-hmm. , it's like the first stepping stone. Mm-hmm. for sure. So that's awesome. What have you found works well for you?
I think that the number one best thing is entering with intention and I guess the two best things. Yeah . So like having planned sex or with myself, the self-pleasure practice. Hmm . I would say those are the two best things cuz it , it really, when I'm alone with myself, I only have to worry about my body. Mm-hmm . and I only have to be present with myself and it's a whole lot easier for me to gauge my arousal than when I'm with my partner. Mm-hmm. .
Um, so are you saying that when you do more self-pleasure practice sessions, you have a better reference point and gauge for how to navigate when you're with your partner?
Definitely.
Is that what you're saying? Mm-hmm. . Cool.
Without
Question. And then when you say setting a planned sex date, what about that makes it , uh, easier for you?
Well , me and my partner just have like, spontaneous sex or we plan a sexy date mm-hmm . , and something about planning helps me orient to like, gathering all the tools I need. Um, it's, it's like if you're like hiking out in the wilderness for the day and you get lost and you don't have things to stay warm and food, it's gonna be more challenging to survive than if I plan to go on a multi-day trip out in the wilderness and I have everything that I need.
Yeah. For sure. I can definitely relate to that . If I know I want to have an amazing night of sex, I will, I will live differently throughout the day. , I will eat way more intentionally. I'll go to a yoga class, I'll stretch, I'll meditate, like I'll do a number of things to get my mind and body prepped mm-hmm . for that session mm-hmm. and it always pays off. Mm-hmm . always pays off.
Yeah. And also just using a lot of the tools that I learned in your course , uh, come to me easier if I plan and prepare.
Mm . Like what? Or maybe we shouldn't say, I don't know. Well, yeah, tell me one. Let's say
Like the deep breathing and relaxing my, my glutes Yeah. Is a big one. Um, and moving energy through my body as well and remembering that I have sexual energy.
Yeah. That's huge. A lot of guys, So we did the integration call for the course a few weeks ago and a lot of guys said that practicing with their breath was one of the biggest things that changed the whole game for them. And I can relate to that too for sure. Like breath work and not just laying down on a bed like for like 30 minutes at a time, but using my breath intentionally throughout sex has totally changed the game for me too.
And it's one of the most easily accessible ways to shift consciousness out of worrying about into a more embodied state that makes it more possible for energy to flow. And like you just said, like being able to move sexual energy breath is an amazing tool for that. And let's just take a breath together right now, all of us. And for fun, we'll do two more and this next exhale really makes sound.
Yeah.
Hmm . Even just that I, there's a difference in my body and my consciousness and so if you're listening right now and you want a technique, I'll share that. One of my favorite things to do is as soon as I know that sex is about to happen, maybe I'm starting to kiss my girlfriend in a more passionate way . Maybe the clothes are already coming off, I start breathing , uh, more intensely than I normally would not like, but I'd breathe full Breaths like that for a few different reasons.
It helps me really get into the experience of pleasure. It helps signify my partner that I'm really enjoying the experience. And then after 10 or 15 or 20 of those breaths, I'm in a completely different psychological space that completely different. And my system is way more open to all different kinds of pleasure. And I highly recommend that anybody listening, try that the next time you have sex. And yes, it will feel forced because it is forced, but it's, it's worth it.
And then you can get back into more natural breathing after that. But you might wanna keep breathing actively like that because you'll see holy. Like, this is amazing. When you start merging breathwork with sexual pleasure, it's can be pretty phenomenal.
I had What was on your list of orgasms? I had, what is a , you call a full body energetic orgasm and I, I can't remember if this was a planned sex or not, but it was one evening and I think we had a bunch of candles lit and I was really tuned into myself and what I needed to have a powerful sexual experience.
And so I was like very committed to not, very committed to connecting with my partner and being present with her, present with my breath, my pleasure sound, which is re is really, really powerful. Um, and we had sex for maybe a couple hours, which for me is a , a big deal. Yeah. Um , and we had a great time, a lot of stopping to just connect. Uh , I would pull out and we would just lay together and kiss.
We would talk some in between, go to the bathroom, come back, enter each other, and it was maybe one in the morning and there was no way I was , and we were complete and there was no way I was going to bed. Mm-hmm . , I got , I had so much energy in my body, I felt high. I wasn't having any of these psychedelic experiences, but I was really, really high and I felt electricity flowing throughout my entire body. Mm . And I felt powerful. Mm .
Really, really powerful and connected to myself and my partner and my heart was wide open.
That's awesome. And had you?
No.
No. What was it? Uh , what did the sensations feel like?
Like subtle waves and vibrations , um, that were kind of tickling my entire body, but not like an uncontrollable tickle, but just like felt like my whole body was smiling.
Nice. Mm-hmm . and sexual pleasure was part of
That. Definitely. Yeah.
That's
Awesome. And it , it felt like it , I could feel the sexual energy was not just located in my genitals mm-hmm.
. And did you keep having sex after that or was that the, the night cap you
Could call ? That was the night cap .
Nice. . And did you sleep after that?
I did a bunch of pushups,
Nice. And kind of shook my body. Yeah. Awesome. I'm , I'm , I found my way.
Beautiful. Yeah. That's awesome. That's a , that's a good technique. It doesn't always need to be a super fancy, energetic technique to integrate sexual energy. Pushups are amazing. Pushups are amazing. Sit-ups. Anything where you're in physical body , uh, challenge, it's a great way to just get more in your body and get that energy if it's teaming everywhere, just back grounded into your system.
Mm-hmm.
nice work. Yeah. That's awesome to hear. You had that experience too.
It was awesome to have it,
The whole experience, not just the energetic orgasm , but like that long sexual experience where you were just fully present and Yeah. It sounded like a beautiful love making . Mm-hmm. .
Yeah. It really was.
So when you look back three months ago, I remember, remember there were a few things that you said in our previous conversation around identity that I'd like to touch on mm-hmm . , you talked about feeling like you were lacking as a man. I think, I don't know if you used those exact words, but Yeah. You had, your identity was wrapped up in being somebody who too early . And you said that that impacted all areas of your life.
You said it impacted how you showed up for the brothers in your life, for the women in your life, for your partner, and just how you felt. And I'm curious, what is your identity now? Like, how , how has your sexual identity changed or how do you see yourself
Mm-hmm. ? Yeah . I think I'll start by saying, growing up the way that I did in this culture, I, I learned that my sexuality was equal to who I was as a man. And if I, if I wasn't having sex a certain way, then I wasn't a man to some degree. Yeah. And , um, it was hard. And I think I used the word emasculated. You
Did? Yeah .
And just feeling like I couldn't show up as a man and I wasn't a man. And , um, I feel different. There's an excitement in me to know that I can grow. I feel like I have more of a foundation in my sexuality and ways to grow and to continue growing and this expanse of a world that I didn't know existed. Uh , so I, one thing that I know is alive is more curiosity for what's possible in, in my life and in my sexuality and with my partner. And I feel more confident.
And though I go in waves, I still have moments of tension in my body while I'm having sex and , um, feel a sense of performance anxiety, and I'm worried about what my partner's thinking and not really taking care of myself and the experience.
Um, even after those experiences, I can, I can sit in myself and come back to myself, even if I sooner than I'd like or had to pause a lot during sex, I can come back and reorient myself to the things that I need to do or want to do to move forward into the sex life that I want. And that in turn gives me energy , uh, when I'm having sex in the way I want and helps me move throughout the rest of my life because sex is so important.
Yeah. And I know that you're part of a group or you lead part of a group called The New Moon Brotherhood around the Asheville area. And have you felt like your ability to show up for that has shifted at all or improved? Or are you consistent with that or, Yeah. Cause you mentioned feeling like it was challenging for you to show up for the brothers in your life , uh, because of this sexual challenge and that , I'm just curious about how that might manifest or have changed. Mm ,
Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's funny to reflect on that question and my time in the course and how the, how the Newman Brotherhood is going. Um, it feels like it's gaining a lot of momentum and I have less of a question about my role in it, and I feel more secure in, in my role as a leader in that space and a person who can support other men , um, along their journey and create , just create a space for healing really is what it is.
And , um, me having more confidence and how I show up sexually as that is so important to me and my biology and I, I feel more ease in that space. Totally.
Awesome.
And I have also, I have more energy , uh, when I'm not. Like I, I , I literally actually notice it since I've taken the course and I'm in sex therapy, I'm doing a lot of reflecting on my life and my sexuality in tandem. And I can see that when I'm not regularly and I'm doing it intentionally, I do have more energy.
Yeah. There's a reason all these traditions exist, and this wisdom , uh, keeps getting passed down for sure. You also mentioned , um, feeling like in some ways it was tricky to show up for the women in your life sometimes. And I'm curious if that has shifted or if you notice a change in how you're showing up for your female friends.
Hmm . A lot of my close female friends have been traveling and I've , I'm , I've kind of been in this place where I've been really deepening with my partner and spending a lot of time with her and focusing on other areas of my life and I haven't really been socializing as much. Got it .
Yeah. Well, let me ask a philosophical question then . This is a interesting one that you'll, you'll see a lot of guys saying stuff like this on the internet. And I'm curious your opinion, some guys say that men and women can't be friends, truly. And I'm curious, do you agree or do you disagree?
Hmm . I disagree. And I guess, what do you mean by friends?
Yeah, that's, that's kind of the , the point of asking such a a question , it's like such a men and women can't be friends. What, what do you mean by that? I think in their context they're saying men and women can't truly be friends because they'll always be thinking about having sex with each other, or there will always be some sexual tension there. And there's, there's always some power dynamic at play and it's just men should be friends with men and then women. Hmm . Right.
Like, I don't agree with that either, but it seemed like a interesting, I was just curious to hear your perspective on it.
Yeah, I've, I've got some close female friends that we've talked about it and talked about like what our , what the boundaries of our relationship is and what our intentions are, and it feels really good. And actually owning that we're not wanting to have sex with each other creates more safety for us to drop in deeper and be closer because we're not worried about is this person wanting to have sex? Is this gonna get me in trouble with my partner?
And all the stories that can unveil themselves through that.
Yeah. Yeah. I have some really close female friends too that I have not had sex with, that I do not want to have sex with, even though they're beautiful. You know, there, there's, there are other ways to interact with women besides having sex with them. , in fact, way more ways to interact with them , uh, than just having sex with them. And I think that the communication piece and the authenticity piece is key.
And yeah, maybe you are friends with an attractive person, maybe I am friends with an attractive person and we can choose to name that. And possibly in naming that there might, I don't know , maybe there's not attraction, but in naming the context and intentions of the relationship, it allows for a safety and a blossoming of all kinds of stuff to come from that.
Maybe it's a creative collaboration or work collaboration or maybe you're just good friends who love each other and support each other in life, you
Know ? Mm-hmm. . I agree. Yeah.
Didn't plan to go this direction, but it just like popped in . It's a question I get asked, like surprisingly often. Mm . Yeah. Huh . Is it possible to be friends with women? Wow. I get asked a lot of, of strange questions or I guess that's not a strange question. Like there is no such thing as a strange question because Yeah, I get asked a lot of questions that people wouldn't necessarily imagine.
Mm-hmm. ,
Happy to hear you have female friends. Yeah .
My
Question , is there anything else you'd like to say or add to this , uh, wrap up conversation? Hmm .
Not that I can think of, of the way .
Well , here , let me ask you something different than if you were to talk to a man who is in a similar position that you were in . Uh , what would you tell them if they're struggling with feeling sexually inadequate or with premature ejaculation or sexual shame or anything like this? What would you tell somebody like that?
I love that question. Hmm . The first thing that I would say is to give that part of them space , um, to welcome it and to allow it air to breathe and space to be loved. Um, whether that's through the self or asking others for support, I think that that's the number one thing to do.
What do you, and what do you mean by that? Like give it space to be loved,
Talk about it. Mm . Talk about what's going on. Share honestly and authentically the struggles and challenges of having that shame or being a person who doesn't think they can please women or their partners. Um, yeah.
Yeah. And it sounds like you found a lot of healing and growth through talking about it, not just with the sex therapist, but with friends too. Mm-hmm . and male and female friends. Mm-hmm . sounds like
Yeah, I would, I would say that for me, the biggest edge was sharing with groups of men. Mm . And that, that was ultimately the most healing.
And when you did share with groups of men, what was the, what was the experience?
I'll give an example. Yeah. Um, we were at a men's, I was at a men's group several months ago, and I said, and we , we did a prompt that was, what's something you don't typically say when you first meet a group of people? Mm . And I said, I struggle with premature ejaculation and feel a lot of shame and, and worried about my partner leaving me. Mm . And then somebody said, Anybody else, and every single man raised their hand. Mm .
And it , it was to like open this vulnerable edge and then see a bunch of men raise their hand , um, really helped validate this part of me, like, it's okay.
Yeah. That's beautiful. Mm-hmm. , that's potent . Mm-hmm. . And it highlights the, Yeah. I think that one of the realities of being a man in this culture growing up, socialized in this world, is that we're not supposed to talk about these things. We're not supposed to talk about the hard stuff. So we all keep it in and we all have our own little secrets, you know, our own shameful secrets that we're never gonna tell people. But if one person breaks the ice and says, Hey, I've experienced this.
Anybody else, God, what a relief. Mm-hmm . , what a relief to see, Oh, I'm not alone. Wow. Everybody got in this group struggles with this too . Holy. I wonder how many other people struggle with this. Like, maybe we're all worried about something related to this, you know? And yeah. That's awesome. Thanks for leading into the edge of mm-hmm . of doing that. So a nice way to close this up is to ask you a question.
I noticed you said something just recently about being afraid that your partner was gonna leave you, and relationships are always a dance. They always flow up and down. Um , but in the context of this particular struggle and challenge, is it still a concern that your partner might leave you because of this sexual stuff?
No. Um, she's been with me through a lot and also a couple, a few weeks into the course, I asked her for feedback , um, of how I was showing up sexually and how it's an impact , how it was impacting her. And I actually got such good feedback that there was a moment where I was thinking about it when I was driving down the interstate and I just started celebrating. Like I started screaming and was so excited , because there's a new thing for me. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. , that was awesome. You were in the car together?
No, I was, I was on my own. You
Were on your own. Mm-hmm . just screaming with sexual joy in the car . Mm-hmm . going down interstate like
A child, .
Uh , That's awesome. Mm-hmm . . That's awesome. Cool. Well, banks, thank you so much for showing up for this conversation and the conversation that we had three months ago. It's such a gift to, to the world and to me, your vulnerability and your realness and this conversation right now. And yeah, I just feel really grateful and moved that you decided to lean into the edge of being open and vulnerable for the sake of lifting up other people's lives. Like that's a big, big deal. So thank you.
Yeah.
Mm . Yeah. And thank you for the opportunity. Uh , it's been an incredible blessing in my life , um, to get, to take your course and have this consistency about, of learning about sex and focusing on my sexuality and my growth and the course is profound. It , it was really, really healing for me is, and I'm excited to be able to get to take it again. Uh , and so thank you for your creation and your work in the world.
Yeah, absolutely . It's
Powerful.
Yeah . Thanks man.
,
It is powerful. It changed my life. That's why I'm here. Mm-hmm . , I was like, I want other guys to experience this , it's so cool. Mm-hmm . , I didn't used to think this was possible. Yeah. I used to struggle with premature ejaculation too. I was the like, enter, and then two seconds later mm-hmm . , like , boom, multiple times. That's happened in my life. And I never thought it was possible to have other experiences. I thought the whole book, the multi-orgasmic man was. Mm-hmm.
, surely they're just fronting. Mm-hmm. just trying to sell me something, you know? Yeah. So meet you and thank you to everybody listening right now. Thanks for spending this time with us . Thank you for yeah, showing up for a real authentic conversation. And I encourage you to go out and have real authentic conversations too. And spread. Spread the good word of authenticity because it really is impactful and it really can change your life and the lives of people around you.
And you might never know just how deeply you've positively impacted somebody. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And if you like this kind of episode, shoot me a message on Instagram or an email, let me know. I love these kinds of conversations. Don't always know where they're gonna go, but like, I feel really grateful and stoked about this one. And thank you again, banks . I hope you all have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day and I will see you in the next episode.
Um ,