Episode description

A lot of sex advice boils down to one popular idea: that good sex is simply a matter of combining the right physical sensations with the right kind of mental activity. In other words, great sex is just friction plus fantasy. However, it’s more complicated than that. To have really great sex, we need to start by understanding the true nature of the sexual self. In today’s show, we’re going to explore a new way of thinking about  sex, as well as discuss what you really need to know when it comes to having sex that’s truly worth having.

My guest is Dr. Stephen Snyder, an AASECT certified sex therapist, relationship therapist, and sexual medicine specialist. Dr. Snyder is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City and author of the book LOVE WORTH MAKING: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.

Some of the questions we address in this episode include:

• What’s the problem with the “friction plus fantasy” narrative?
• How can understanding the sexual self as “infantile” help us find inspiration in long-term sexual relationships?
• What is “simmering,” and what’s the benefit of learning how to do it?
• Why might it be bad to view sex as work?
• How can you develop sexual connections that last over time?

You can learn more about Dr. Snyder and his work on his website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.