Initiating sex is something that a lot of people struggle with. So why is it hard, and how can we make it easier? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s show. In this episode, we’re revisiting a wonderful conversation I had with Vanessa and Xander Marin, the co-hosts of the “Pillow Talks” podcast and co-authors of the book, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life . Some of the questions we answer include: Why is initiating sex so hard for so many pe...
Apr 15, 2025•34 min•Ep. 388
In the previous episode , we spoke with the madam of a legal brothel in the US state of Nevada. In today’s show, we’re going to peel back the sheets a bit further and talk about the courtesans who live and work in this brothel, as well as the surprisingly wide range of customers who visit. It turns out that, more often than not, the patrons are looking for far more than just sex. I am joined once again by Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As...
Apr 11, 2025•32 min•Ep. 387
There are close to two dozen legal brothels in the U.S. state of Nevada. In today’s show, we’re going to go inside one of these brothels and talk to the madam who manages it. We’re going to talk about what the job of a brothel madam is really like, as well as some common myths and misconceptions about brothels and sex work. My guest is Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and trainin...
Apr 08, 2025•30 min•Ep. 386
Porn is the predominant way that gay and queer men learn about sex. That’s a problem because porn is entertainment, not a how-to guide. In today’s show, we’re discussing what gay and queer men need to know when it comes to having positive and pleasurable sexual experiences, including tips for anal sex and dealing with performance problems. I am joined once again by Tom Bruett , a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community....
Apr 04, 2025•40 min•Ep. 385
Some gay men don’t think monogamy ever works because there’s too much temptation out there. At the same time, others think that non-monogamy never works because someone always gets jealous. So what’s the truth here? Today, we’re doing a deep dive into gay men’s relationships and exploring tips for successfully navigating them, whether they’re monogamous or non-monogamous. I am joined by Tom Bruett , a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively wit...
Apr 01, 2025•41 min•Ep. 384
Sexual fluidity is controversial. The fact that people’s sexual attractions can shift has sometimes been used to argue that sexual orientation is a choice and, therefore, that being LGBTQ doesn’t merit being a protected class under the law. In this show, we’re going to dive into the complicated politics surrounding sexual fluidity. I am joined once again by Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gende...
Mar 28, 2025•41 min•Ep. 383
Are you attracted to different types of people than you used to be? Has there been a shift in your go-to fantasy? Do you prefer different activities in the bedroom than you did before? Human sexuality is incredibly flexible. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the subject of sexual fluidity in order to better understand how and why our sexual attractions might change over time. My guest is Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or unde...
Mar 25, 2025•41 min•Ep. 382
When you have sex, do you kind of already know how it’s going to play out before your clothes even came off? If so, you’re not alone. Most of us follow sexual scripts that feature a predictable sequence of activities. However, these scripts can limit our opportunities for pleasure. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to rewrite your sexual script and cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life. I am joined once again by Rachel Zar , a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapis...
Mar 21, 2025•37 min•Ep. 381
What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we’re going to dive into five questions that come up over and over again. We’re also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem, as well as explore a few tips for maintaining a happy, healthy, and exciting sex life. My guest is Rachel Zar , a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy , a s...
Mar 18, 2025•38 min•Ep. 380
Nothing makes us lose desire for sex faster than having bad sex. Indeed, many cases of low sexual desire are simply due to people having sex that isn’t worth having. In this episode, we’re going to talk about the three main types of bad sex, what it means to have good sex, and how to stop having bad sex. Today, we’re revisiting a fantastic conversation I had with Dr. Kelly Casperson back in episode 128. Kelly is a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowe...
Mar 14, 2025•43 min•Ep. 379
Sugar dating is a type of transactional relationship in which sex and companionship are exchanged for some type of compensation. Reports suggest that there are millions of people engaging in this. In today’s show, we’re going to explore sugar dating relationships, including what draws people to it, the advantages and disadvantages of sugar dating, and who holds the power in a sugaring arrangement. I am joined once again by Kate Metcalfe , a clinical psychology PhD student at the University of Te...
Mar 11, 2025•43 min•Ep. 378
Think about the last few times you had sex. What was your main reason for doing it? There are myriad reasons that people report, including pleasure and horniness. However, a common motive that we don’t talk enough about is when people have sex out of a sense of duty or obligation. So let’s talk about “duty sex,” including who has it and what effects it has on people and their relationships. My guest today is Kate Metcalfe , a clinical psychology PhD student at the University of...
Mar 07, 2025•35 min•Ep. 377
If you could change one thing about your sex life, what would it be? In this episode, we’re discussing the biggest changes people want to make and the new things they want to try in bed based on insights from Arya’s new study of Couples and Intimacy Trends, which included data from more than 100,000 respondents. I am joined once again by Nicholas Velotta , a PhD student at the University of Washington who researches intimate relationships and sex. He is also the head of research at the cou...
Mar 04, 2025•38 min•Ep. 376
How would you describe your personality in the bedroom? What do you like to do sexually? What do you need from your partners? What turns you on? In today’s show, we’re going to explore erotic personas . New research based on a survey of more than 100,000 adults sheds light on the 4 main types of erotic personas that exist. My guest is Nicholas Velotta , a PhD student at the University of Washington who researches intimate relationships and sex. He is also the head of research at the couple’s wel...
Feb 28, 2025•40 min•Ep. 375
Persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) is one of the most distressing sexual dysfunctions. PGAD involves having near-constant feelings of unwanted arousal that make it difficult to concentrate, work, and sleep. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into what we know about PGAD and speak with a physician who frequently treats patients with this condition. I am joined once again by Dr. Sameena Rahman , a board-certified OB/GYN, sex-med gynecologist, and menopause specialist with an academic aff...
Feb 25, 2025•41 min•Ep. 374
Sex changes as we age. While these changes are often small and gradual, once you hit your 40s and 50s, it’s not uncommon to start noticing bigger changes. In this episode, we’re going to talk all about sex at midlife and some of the most common sexual issues that come up during this time for women, as well as tips for dealing with them. My guest today is Dr. Sameena Rahman , a board-certified OB/GYN, sex-med gynecologist, and menopause specialist with an academic affiliation at Northwester...
Feb 21, 2025•33 min•Ep. 373
In the previous episode , we discussed the history of food and sex, which turns out to be a truly fascinating topic! Today, we’re diving even deeper into the subject. We’re going to explore how diet culture became a way of suppressing female pleasure, how interest in fine food came to be associated with being gay, why French food has a particularly strong association with sex, and more. I am joined once again by Rachel Hope Cleves , a professor of history at the University of Victori...
Feb 18, 2025•34 min•Ep. 372
Have you ever noticed how good food and good sex just kind of go together? It turns out that this association goes back a really long time, so we’re going to dive into some of that fascinating history today. For example, I bet you didn’t know that the world’s first restaurants weren’t just places people went to eat–they were also places people went to have sex! My guest today is Rachel Hope Cleves , a professor of history at the University of Victoria and a member o...
Feb 14, 2025•40 min•Ep. 371
How do you define sexual pleasure? For some people, it simply means orgasm. But orgasm isn’t the only way we derive pleasure from sex! In this episode, we’re going to dive into the many and varied forms of sexual pleasure that exist, common barriers to experiencing pleasure, and how to get more pleasure from sex. We’ll also discuss tips for cultivating a more satisfying sex life. I am joined once again by Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons , an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University...
Feb 11, 2025•40 min•Ep. 370
Let’s talk about orgasms! In today’s episode, we’re diving into a lot of interesting questions surrounding the big O. For example, who is responsible for your orgasm during sex: your partner or you? Also, is it ever OK to fake an orgasm? Additionally, we’ll explore strategies for having more orgasms if this is something you struggle with, as well as whether you can learn to be multiply-orgasmic. My guest is Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons , an award-winning Associate Professor...
Feb 07, 2025•30 min•Ep. 369
A lot of the things you’ve probably learned about what healthy relationships look like are just plain wrong. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into what you really need to know. Some of the topics we’re going to explore include how to know whether a given relationship is right for you, how to avoid moving too fast, and the single best things you can do for your relationship health. I am joined once again by Claire Perelman , a Queer, Jewish Sex Therapist and Educator living and working in the...
Feb 04, 2025•32 min•Ep. 368
Whether you consider yourself to be kinky or not, there’s a lot that all of us can learn from the kink community that could benefit our sex lives. Today, we’re going to explore five important things to know about cultivating safer, healthier, and more pleasurable sexual experiences. Along the way, we’re also going to dispel some common misconceptions about kink. My guest is Claire Perelman , a Queer, Jewish Sex Therapist and Educator living and working in the Bay Area. Her work with clients, wor...
Jan 31, 2025•34 min•Ep. 367
If you’re a long-time listener, you’ve probably heard me talk about my study abroad classes before . I take students all over the world to learn about sex and culture, and one of the many topics we explore is sexual fantasies, including how they are similar or different across cultures. For example, in my Amsterdam course, we hear from Marielle de Goede, who along with her colleagues at Company New Heroes conducted the largest ever study of sexual fantasies in the Netherlands and Belgium as part...
Jan 28, 2025•37 min•Ep. 366
Research finds that up to 25% of men experience sexual performance anxiety, which is just one of many types of anxiety that affect men in the bedroom. In this episode, we’re diving into men’s anxiety around sex and relationships, and how to deal with it. I am joined once again by David Khalili , a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sexologist, and founder of Rouse Relational Wellness , a boutique couples and sex therapy center in San Francisco. He is author of the Ment...
Jan 24, 2025•26 min•Ep. 365
A growing number of men are experiencing mental health struggles. However, surveys from all around the world find that men are very reluctant to talk about their mental health. As a result, their mental health issues often go undiagnosed and untreated, and many turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. In today’s show, we’re going to open up a conversation about men’s mental health. I am joined by David Khalili , a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sexologist, and founder of Rou...
Jan 21, 2025•28 min•Ep. 364
When it comes to how sex and sexuality are portrayed on screen, what does Hollywood get right and wrong? Let’s talk about it! I recently appeared on the Love Factually Podcast, hosted by my friends Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. They asked me to select a film about sex, so I picked the 2010 movie Easy A starring Emma Stone. We had a really fun conversation about it, so I wanted to share it with you today. Easy A covers a lot of timely themes, including sexual reputation, virginity, casual s...
Jan 17, 2025•56 min•Ep. 363
We are answering more of your sex questions in this show! We had a couple of fascinating questions that came through our listener voicemail that really stood out to me because I’ve never been asked about them before: Our first question is about what to do with sex toys you don’t want or need anymore. Can you recycle them? The answer is surprisingly complicated! The second question comes from a sex worker who wants to be open and honest with her kids about her work, so she’s looking for adv...
Jan 14, 2025•37 min•Ep. 362
In today’s show, we are answering more of your sex questions! We recently had two questions come through our podcast voicemail that center around navigating relationships where the partners are significantly different in terms of age, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about in this show. To help me in answering these questions, Ashley Weller is back on the podcast. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also r...
Jan 10, 2025•36 min•Ep. 361
“The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular self-help books on relationships ever written, and it’s often used in couples’ therapy. However, despite its massive popularity, there’s a surprising lack of research on the theory behind it. My guest today recently published a new study that tested some of its core ideas, and the findings may very well surprise you. I am joined by Dr. Sharon M. Flicker , a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is license...
Jan 07, 2025•32 min•Ep. 360
Sexual problems are common. So how do we fix them? In today’s episode, we’re going to dive into the Good Enough Sex Model. It’s a radically different way of thinking about sex that can help us both in preventing problems from emerging in the first place, as well as fixing problems when they appear. My guest is Dr. Barry McCarthy . He is an emeritus professor of psychology at American University and a certified couple’s therapist. He has published more than 150 academic papers and chapters, and h...
Jan 03, 2025•26 min•Ep. 359
