Hey everyone, it's Pacific, and welcome back to another episode of SCP Archives. This week, The Laughing Men. Got a couple quick things I want to talk about today. First, last week we launched The Gospel of Haven, our new fiction podcast from our very own showrunner, Daisy McNamara. It's a gross podcast. It has meat, it has religious trauma, and...
weird meat churches, and a bunch of other terrifying and horrifying things happening. I have had the pleasure of reading the scripts ahead of time. It's a crazy show, and you should definitely check out the first episode. Right now. Second, Mayfair Watchers Society Season 2 is...
coming to a conclusion. But right now we're kind of at the climax of our arc of season two, which starts with a three-part episode, Honey and Comb. That is coming out later this week. I'm a little biased. I wrote this first episode. It was a lot of fun to write. I'm also acting in it. So if you want to hear me do something that's not, I don't know, an intro narration, go check that out. It's a lot of fun. You know what? Actually, I lied.
I just kind of do the opening in that episode too, but I wrote the episode. It's a lot of fun. Go check it out. What else? I don't know. We have a newsletter. You can check that out at pacificobadiah.com. And mostly post about SCP. I'm actually rebuilding it right now, so more to come soon. But yeah, if people subscribe, maybe I'll force myself to write something.
Anyways, that's enough for me today. Check out Gospel of Haven, check out Mayfair Watcher Society, and maybe check out our newsletter. All of that you can find. And without further ado... Up next, a quick ad break, and then this week's episode. Enjoy. Item number, SCP-2419. Object Class, Euclid. Special Containment Procedures. A fenced circular perimeter with a radius of 15 kilometers has been established around SCP-2419. This perimeter is maintained by MTF-Beta-7, MAZ headers, once per day.
MTF Beta 7 is to accompany Foundation technicians into Unit C to perform routine maintenance on one of the six incinerators. Technicians are to follow a rotating maintenance schedule to ensure each incinerator is serviced weekly. unless undergoing maintenance. Every furnace is to remain lit and operational at all times. Reinforced steel hatches have been welded to the disposal chutes of each incinerator. These hatches are to remain welded in place.
and are not to be opened under any circumstances. Any instance of SCP-2419-A found outside of Unit C's incinerators are to be immersed in concrete and shipped to an indefinite containment site. Description SCP-2419 is a refinery and waste disposal facility located 75 kilometers north of Summer Springs, Colorado.
It was constructed by the Foundation in 1954 for destruction and long-term storage of hazardous wastes. The facility was evacuated and decommissioned after the advent of anomalous phenomena therein during the spring of 1975. The facility is divided into three units. Unit A was responsible for long-term storage of anomalous waste via a deep geological repository. Unit B received and processed waste shipments.
Unit C disposed of non-anomalous waste via incineration. Instances of SCP-2419-A are immortal. Anomalously regenerative humanoid entities that appear within Unit C's incinerators. Although they typically attempt to exit the incinerators via the disposal chutes, the heat from each furnace is sufficient to stop them before they make significant progress. SCP-2419-8 instances did not communicate.
and lack any sense of self-preservation. Although they appear to have no interest in each other, they show extreme hostility toward any sepient non-instance. Addendum 2419.1 Discovery Incident number 2419-001, May 21st, 1975. Begin log. This is Waste Disposal Supervisor, Lacey Barber. Recording my report of an incident which occurred today. That is, May 21st, 1975. At around a quarter after ten this morning...
Workers on my team operating the incinerators in Unit C reported screams from inside the ash pits. After a brief investigation, the Site Director ordered us to snuff the burners on incinerator number four. Immediately. Several dozen severely burnt... ...entities emerged from the incinerator's disposal shoots and... into the incinerator and pulled down into the ashman. I could hear him screaming and banging on the walls of the disposal chute as they dragged him inside.
The rest of us got away as quickly as we could. I ordered everybody out of the chamber, hit the alarm, and we barricaded the door from the outside. I called the site director who immediately ordered our on-site MTF security detail to terminate the, uh... The creatures. After determining that they can regenerate, the Site Director ordered the MTF team to force them back down into the chutes using his steam lids. It worked.
All the furnace's burners were relit. Number four was put back into service without further incident. Harry was, uh, uh... He was in the ash pits when we turned the furnaces back on. I hope he was dead by then, but... I can still... I can still hear him. It's been hours, but I can still hear him screaming. to subdue and capture five of the creatures. They've been transported off site for further study. End log. The following is a recording of an interview attempt by Dr. Warren.
with instance number 5 of SCP-2419-A, July 7, 1976. Note, on account of the hostility typically exhibited by SCP-2419-A instances, The interview is conducted behind a ventilated glass wall with an armed guard in attendance. Begin log. You had a wife. Internal message from Dr. Jennings to Dr. Brenwick. As per your request, I've finished my six-month evaluation of the five instances we have in custody.
Before I came here, I worked as a prison shrink. Every person you met had a story bursting with pain and sorrow. Sometimes those stories were about the pain they suffered. Sometimes it was about the pain they inflicted. Some days you felt like everyone there was a beautiful soul, torn down by their circumstances. Other days you'd find out what some of them did, and a part of you was glad they were there to suffer for it. But at the end of every day, I always told myself,
They're all humans. They're all people. They all deserve the same dignity, respect and love as everyone else. No exceptions. Jeremiah, I opened with that anecdote only so you could understand that what I'm about to say is not said lightly. These things... They're not people. They are people-shaped monsters. They are well beyond any definition of psychopathy. Everything they do, they do to hurt, maim, and...
Kill. I would pity them, but they're not worth pitying. Put them in a hole, then fill that hole with concrete. Better still. Throw them back into the incinerator where you found them. I doubt they'll even care. Hey everyone, it's Pacific here with a quick reminder. For just $5 a month, you can get ad-free access to all of our episodes by visiting patreon.com slash scp underscore pod. There's also a link to our Patreon in the show notes below.
Up next, a quick message from our sponsors. Alright, thanks so much for listening, and now, back to the episode. Addendum 2419.2 History Audio Log Facility Orientation May 9, 1961 Note The following log is a recording of an orientation speech given by Dr. West to new researchers arriving at Unit B. Begin log. Now are any of you folks religious? Yes? No? Good, good, good. Nothing against God, but what I'm about to tell you, it doesn't always go over well with people of faith. All right, then.
As I'm sure you're aware, Unit B is responsible for handling the arrival of D-class remains to determine whether or not they're anomalous and to perform a little pre-processing. before they're sent to unit A or unit C. And it's that bit we're going to be discussing today. Slide, please. Now, I'm sure all of you... There we are.
Now, I'm sure all of you are familiar with the human brain. Yes? Here it is. I'm sure you're also familiar with how much of a daunting challenge the human brain poses to the foundation. To control it, we use amnestics. I'm not quite sure where they come from, but I'm well aware that they come at a significant cost. And on top of that, they're not very good. Rather like using a hammer.
to remove a splinter. Well, the Foundation has discovered an alternative. A form of amnestics that's been right under our noses all along. Cheaper, safer, very few negative side effects and significantly more precise. I hope the graphic nature of this image is not too disturbing. But we're all scientists here. It turns out that the human brain, so long as it's relatively well preserved, leaves behind a residue that we can extract and refine. This residue can be...
boiled from the mind of a sufficiently fresh cadaver. Think of it as a distillation of memories, of our happiest experiences, all the parts of a human life that bring us comfort when we need it most.
that make us gentle and kind. Here you see what's left behind. The process of boiling is critical, otherwise you'll end up extracting all of this useless crud along with it. Now... we can combine and homogenise all of these purified distillations together to create a compound that, when properly processed and combined with targeted hypnotherapy, allows for the removal of precise memories.
Specific memories. We replaced them with this, uh, happy soup, if you will. And their minds used that soup to build new, pleasant false memories which fill in the gaps. The end result being that even in death... D-class personnel continue to help us help the world. Now, I know you all have many questions, and I'm happy to take them one at a time, please. And log. Internal message from Dr. West to Dr. Jim Hammond, September 12th, 1974. Jim, I have nothing but respect for you as a researcher.
As a co-worker and as a friend. So please understand where I'm coming from when I tell you to go fuck yourself. Your insistence on trying to go over my head with this is getting tedious. The process doesn't turn corpses anomalous. The incident last month was a fluke. Terry clearly failed to identify an anomalous cadaver before he started the distillation process. He was sloppy. I hope he rests in peace, that's all.
Everyone's too scared to tell this to your face, so I'll just come right out and say it. Ever since you found religion last year, you become increasingly unbearable to work with. And even if you're somehow right... So what? They're dead, Jim. We've got enough problems here on Earth without having to worry about whether or not we left a pile of ashes with sufficiently happy thoughts.
I'm putting in for you to be transferred to another site. I highly suggest you don't fight it. Internal message from Dr. Jim Hammond to Dr. Keringer. Dr. Carringer, you've always been very kind. Thank you for that. Yesterday, I processed the body of D-263-175. He was sentenced to death for the murder of his wife.
I boiled away the six hours he spent holding his sister's hand as she lay dying in a hospital bed. I boiled away all the kindness his mother ever showed him until all that remained was her cruelty and abuse. I took away every moment of joy and left behind a life of uninterrupted misery, pain, and rage. Do you know why the Foundation takes D-class personnel from criminal populations, Sean?
It's because nobody cares enough to stop us. A prison is where you put unimportant people. People you want to forget. It's where you shave down Whatever is left of their humanity until the monster you imagine them to be is all that remains. But... No matter how hard we tried, there was always a sliver of decency left behind. Some piece of them we couldn't quite reach. Until now. We've done it. Finally. In death.
D263175 is finally the monster people imagined. I've burned away every last trace of his humanity. Now I'm going to send his corpse to Unit C and burn away the rest. I... Pray to God that what's left will burn. I can't stay. I'm sorry. I recommend you get out while you still can. September 13, 1974. Internal email from operator Richard Maddox to Site Director Brian Browning. Subject, Unit C Incinerators. Mr. Browning.
Those fancy steel hatches of yours aren't going to cut it Look, I'm getting a little tired of playing Cassandra here, but the situation doesn't look good Those things barely miss hitting critical mass back when we switched from oil burners to fuel gas. All it's going to take is a technician making a mistake or a burner failing for a little too long.
Yes, the incinerators have massive pits. Yes, if you get it hot enough, human fat will burn and do half the work for you. But none of that will matter if enough meat grows back to stuff the entire sack. Once that happens, the flue gas won't be able to get out. And good luck keeping those burners running without any room for oxygen. We'll lose all six incinerators, just like that. And when that happens, they'll come back.
All of them. I checked the incineration logs. Incinerator number five alone has incinerated over 3,000 D-class corpses. Combined, we're looking at 10,000 of these things. Easy. All of them. them are regenerating mass murderers. All with every happy memory boiled away. All with 20 years worth of new memories, primarily consisting of us burning them alive.
I've been working for the Foundation for over 15 years. I've watched a lot of D-Class die in a lot of horrible ways, so I think I know a little bit about what it sounds like when someone's screaming with fear and pain. These things in SCP-2419 aren't screaming with fear or pain, Brian. They're not screaming at all. They're laughing. Ha, ha, ha.
Thanks so much for listening to this week's episode of SCP Archives. None of this would have been possible without our patrons. So I want to give a very big shout out to Brett Van Rokel, Ember. Sathogy, Maria Hamill, Karakarakara, XXBrizosXX, FerociousLittleBeast, Ethan Buehler, Logan Wood, Jason Kuhn, Daniel Johansen, Marjorie Von Nordic, Brianna Taggart, Witch Loud, Adorable Door, and Lisa Faddle.
Thanks so much for supporting our show and helping us do what we do. And also a very special thanks to Arvin, Roto, and Tenza from our Discord who requested this week's article. SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah and John Grylls. SCP-2419 was written by The Great Hippo. Our script was by Kevin Whitlock. Our narrator was John Grylls. Lucy Barber was Alyssa Park. Warren was Vic Collins. Guard was Jesse Hall. West was Ben Counter. Jennings was Hannah Schooner. Hammond was Russ Moore.
Maddox was Daisy McNamara, and SCP-2419-AS was Kit Patterson. Our art was by Eduardo Baldez-Hebbia, and our dialogue editing was by Daisy McNamara. Our theme song was by Matt Roy Berger, and our sound designer was Derek Valen. And our sound designer was Derek Valen. Our showrunner was Daisy McNamara, and our creative director was me, Pacific S. Obadiah. Our executive producers are Tom Owen and Brad Miska, and this is a Bloody FM show. For more information, visit scparchives.com.
Thanks again for listening to our show. We'll be back next week with more SCP, so stay tuned, stay safe, and we'll see you soon.